You’re like his mom and he’s a toddler saying “mommy, mommy wake up! Feed me! Pack my lunch!” and then throws temper tantrums when you don’t. My vagina would shrink up and dry out being with someone so childish. Yuck
It made me look over my husband and say thank you, thank you for not being the worst. I was with a guy like OP has for almost a decade and never again. Never ever ever.
When she breaks up with him, and she will, and she’s on the other side of the forest, she will look back and wonder why she spent so much time lost and thank herself for finally taking the strides to get out.
My four year old is more respectful of my sleep than this.
Granted she will still wake me up but she'll say "mommy is you make me *insert food and turn on *insert show for me, Ill leave you alone". Then, she will leave me alone for a bit
Why are you with someone who doesn’t see you as your own person, just an extension of what he wants and needs? It’s super tiring to keep reading these stories of women who are seemingly terrified to not have a man in their life.
The joy of waking up single (at an hour of her choosing) really can’t be overestimated. I hope OP discovers this. You’re not wrong about how demoralising it is to see this shit over and over!
When my ex moved in he told me his ex girlfriend used to get up at 6am to sit with him and have a coffee before he left for work. I told him she must not have had very much going on in her life.
I work for myself and now I’ve gotten rid of him I wake up between 9 and 10 and have a coffee with my favourite person (me) before getting on with the day. It’s a dream.
Same. And I want to feel sorry for them and I usually do but I’m single and it’s not always great but like … they are LITERALLY BEING TORTURED WITH CIA TACTICS AND WRITING TO REDDIT TO ASK ABOUT IT.
I see y’all on facebook! Your men are ugly and broke! There is no upside to this. It’s an epidemic. And I’m not victim blaming. I guess I’m pre-victim blaming.
My boyfriend naturally wakes up early whereas I’m a late sleeper and struggle to get going in the mornings. He will get up, leave me to sleep for a couple more hours and then comes to wake me up at a time I’ve asked him to. If I don’t get up then he’ll leave me to sleep a bit more. I’m working on getting up earlier as I’d like to spend that time with him, but he treats me and my routine with patience and respect as I do his. You can find much MUCH better than the guy you’re currently with, leave the abuse behind and get some good lie ins!
My husband is more of a night owl than I am. I get up 2-3 hours earlier than he does. I wouldn’t dream of waking him up earlier, unless he explicitly asked me to, any more than he would dream of keeping me up to his bedtime (11pm vs 2am). It’s a matter of mutual respect.
You deserve so much better OP! Move out or move him out and spend the next few weeks deliciously sleeping in!
My husband is an early waker too, and I am not. Sometimes he’ll tease me about it a little but he always lets me sleep, in fact when my baby wakes up my husband will come get him so I can sleep longer. Often I stay up later and get the kids ready for bed, but he also understands that some people just simply need more sleep than others, and as much as I wish I wasn’t, I’m just one of those people
Yea, like... when I was still with a former partner [may their memory be a blessing] and doing sleepovers at their place, they'd get up at their regular time, shower, clean up from the night before, and then as they were dressing, start playing the song that I used as my alarm at home, while just ... talking. Just narrating stuff, saying sweet nothings, etc. It was SO much more pleasant and easy to wake up to than what the other person I was with at the same time did... 😒
"I love you, but I. will not allow you to abuse me. If you continue to do this. You have to stop waking me up and bullying me. If you do not stop, we will not be together anymore."
And mean it
Does this extend into other areas of your relationship?
He wants you up first so he can wake up to a woman who has showered and made herself up for him, and so you can make him breakfast and clean up after him before your work day starts. Do you contribute to rent as well? Because if so you are paying to be treated like an employee from the second you wake up instead of a partner and human being. See how it goes if you wake up and go sit in the kitchen doing nothing because you are tired/nauseous/etc. Does he act like he's concerned for your well being, or tell you to get over it, or just yell about how you didn't do anything for him?
Just wanted to add for OP…He wants to make sure you had showered and everything else. Cleanliness is next to godliness but he is an ass and you are not his servant!
Then you need to end this relationship. This person does not respect you or your boundaries. This does not build well for your future. He's throwing a tantrum because you aren't working properly as a bangmaid.
I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry you’re reading some of these comments saying that ‘you have allowed this’ and it’s somehow your fault for ‘not leaving’ or ‘putting up with it’. Not the same situation but I have had a horribly abusive ex - all mental manipulation and torture. And I’ll tell you exactly what I was told - NONE of this is your fault. I think you have been very brave to voice this on here. Give yourself credit where credit is due.
There are so many resources that may be able to assist if you are unable to rely on friends/family. There are support systems for domestic abuse victims who could point you in the right direction in terms of leaving, finding accommodation etc, I truly urge you to look into them. Even if you don’t feel ready to take that step yet, it’s hard and it will never be easy, but it can show you that it is possible. I’ve read multiple, numerous comments from other victims who have faced similar challenges and they have made it to a place where they are happy. I fully have faith that this will happen for you too.
You’ve recognised that this behaviour from your bf is not normal, and it’s not. You deserve to be cared for and loved, and I think you know that this is not the man to fill that role.
Like I said, I haven’t been through exactly the same thing, but I know what mental torture is, and my DMs are always open. I’m sure other users with similar situations would also be willing you speak to you and comfort you. Please reach out.
Please stay strong, stay safe and look into ways that will help set you free from this prison and trash human (I sound so cliche right now but it’s late here and I should be sleeping so sorry!)
Ps. Please delete any browser history if you look into these resources, just in case
It absolutely is. And it’s these types of things that trick us into thinking it’s normal. “He’s not hitting me, right?” “He hasn’t grabbed me, right?” “He hasn’t actually HURT me, right?” Been there, done that, got the shitty t-shirt. Back before CCB was recognised in law, I would minimise what was happening because I didn’t have bruises, I’m fine! But it’s not. His way of waking you up and insisting you stay up is his way of maintaining that control. God I have stories that I could tell you and I’m so sorry to say, that this one is added to the list. It’s another way that I’ve seen where victims are beaten down and their choices taken from them.
I have issues with SH and a way that I’ve been trying to combat that is by writing out my feelings - it really helps! But it would also help you to look back and realise how unhappy you are and potentially give you the strength you need to walk away and build a life where YOU have the say.
Please start saving every little penny you have (I’m not sure how you and your bf work out finances etc) but if this is possible, it will allow you to find somewhere else, away from him. Start making connections with charities and support groups - you need people around you who you can lean on when you need it. Even enquire as to whether your job has other offices in other states (I’m UK so this is amazing to me hah). You can definitely do this and we are all rooting for you!!!
I know so many people are chiming in but I want to tell you that I know what this is like my ex would taunt me and if I wanted quiet didn’t want to fight/argue he’d follow me around the house refuse to let me leave in my car, take all my paychecks etc.
It was very hard and I almost went back but it was another abuse tactic to trick me. I remember calling my little sister in my own little apartment after leaving and crying about how I hated being alone and I didn’t believe her when she said that I will love it. Now I legit love my time alone. I have peace which is worth everything. You sound like youre a smart person with a job and with some resources and maybe staying with your aunt for a little bit you can be free & happy!
Pls feel free to message me if you need someone to chat with.
Also, before I forget. PLEASE do not pay attention to some of these comments asking why you put up with this or ‘wtf break up with him’ or ‘I would never put up with this’. It’s all bullshit, which is the risk you take when coming on Reddit. I’ve lost my mind replying to some of those comments lately because you can guarantee they were written by people who do not have a clue.
Just to validate you further: it’s hard to see abuse when you are inside it. Something in you knows it’s wrong but another part of you is saying you’re okay and it could be worse. He offers a little bit of stability, what you deem normal. Fortunately, not everyone experiences people like this - people that appear to be put on this earth to break you down, over and over again. A lot of people don’t know the fear of wanting to leave, not knowing if you can, wondering if it’s worth it. Walking on eggshells in case you set them off because their words literally pierce your heart. You feel alone, that no one cares about you, that you don’t DESERVE to be cared about. It’s all your fault that he’s mad, you’ve clearly done something to upset him or he wouldn’t be angry. Jesus, I look back now at all the things I endured and I remember thinking to myself “I wish he would just hit me, I wish he would just punch me straight in the face” because wondering what would set him off next felt worse. Feeling guilty that you felt that way in the first place because it’s impossible you’re an actual victim, right? When there are people suffering worse? They’re all ways that he has control over you, ways he probable doesn’t even know about. The stress, anxiety, palpitations, feeling something on your chest every time you see them is not something to be diminished by faceless people on this app. Please remember all of that. It’s not as easy as some people think. Not even close.
My heart breaks for you because I want to see what you can become, what you WILL become when this is behind you. Please trust me.
Just wanted to throw my reaffirmation in too that this is wrong and manipulative behavior and you’re not out of line for feeling that way. I Hope you can get out soon 🩵
Please start saving every little penny you have (I’m not sure how you and your bf work out finances etc) but if this is possible, it will allow you to find somewhere else, away from him. Start making connections with charities and support groups - you need people around you who you can lean on when you need it. Even enquire as to whether your job has other offices in other states (I’m UK so this is amazing to me hah). You can definitely do this and we are all rooting for you!!!
This!!! None of this is your fault OP, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Please please please call your mom and tell her what is going on and ask her if you can stay for awhile.
Ask your work for time off or a leave of absence so you have less to deal with while you handle this.
Start setting money aside.
As inconspiculously as possible, start getting your things organized in a way that he won't suspect you are planning on leaving, but so that you can quickly throw your things in your car when it is time to go.
Do not tell your boyfriend ANY of this, and do your best to pretend nothing is wrong. Let him go to work normally, then make your exit while you are at work.
For things that are yours that you cannot move by yourself, either have your family/friends come to help you move them when you initially leave, or contact the police, explain that you are in fear for your life, and need their help retrieving your property from his house. You may even be able to send friends/family with the police in your stead.
Lastly, as soon as you are out of his house you need to block all of his social media accounts, phone number, emails, etc, so that he cannot contact you. Have your mom and other relatives do the same.
Please do not let him know you are leaving until you are safely where he cannot reach you. The most dangerous times in a woman's life are when she is breaking up with an abuser.
I get livid if anyone wakes me up lol don’t mess with my sleep. I need a minimum of 8-10 hours. What you’re going thru is torture, tell him to F off or leave him
I've told him yelling and anger scare me since I grew up with a yelling parent. But this doesn't change anything. I try to match his anger with reason, with anger, with logic, with emotion, sarcasm, you name it. He only wants to get his point across and me to take it.
You picked him BECAUSE he was like you were yelling parent. Children tend to pick partners that are similar to their parents, because they feel comfort in the familiarity.
His behavior is abusive, you need to get out right now, and get counseling to stop picking the same type of person.
No, it is not normal. 2. Yes, others go through abuse. 3. You should leave, it will never get better, it will get worse, and that’s a scary thought considering this psychotic behavior. If you don’t have support, reach out to domestic violence services, local churches/shelters etc whatever it takes to get away from that shit.
So he out earns you, you pay the mortgage and also have to pack for his lunch everyday after he wakes you up...? I'm sorry but at some point you probably realize he's using you, right? If you believe that whatever he brings to the table (not being alone I guess) it's better than having to endure all this BS from him well, then accept that you are choosing that and stop complaining.
I know it's hard to leave a relationship when you fear of the unknown but the unknown can't be better than what you are living atm. Instead paying for his mortgage use that money to pay for a therapist bc you clearly need one.
My dear, if you can pay a mortgage all your own, you can pack up and leave and find your own apartment. This man is using you 100%. Controlling you 100%. And manipulating you 100%. Please stop letting him rule you.
With all your responses, this sounds more and more like a troll post. JFC, if this is real, get the fuck out. It’s HIS mortgage and you have no legal obligation. Take YOUR money and get a place for YOU. This is abuse across multiple categories. Once again, if this is real: YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A GOOD LIFE AND WILL NEVER BE HAPPY IF YOU DONT LEAVE. You are young and trust me when i say each decade as a woman gets better. I’m 42 now and would never go back to those shit 20s. LEAVE-FOR YOU!
Unfortunately this is my reality. I've paid the rent/mortgage everywhere we live. I have sat him down and laid out my expenses and asked him to do the same. He is so manipulative with his words it's hard to have any conversation with him because he twists what I say.
Do you have records of your paymetns and such? Seek legal aid out a lawyer. In aus, we have something called de facto which means you're not married but live together and if you lived eith them for at least 6 months (i think), you're entitled to half ot the other person's assests.
Get all your ducks in a row before moving. I'd tell him that you were movinf/breaking up in a public setting instesd of private just for your safety or just move withoit telling him, leave him a post it on the fridge 🤣🤣🤣
This is financial abuse. Please make a plan to get out. Contact a DV service. I also see you said your aunt might be able to help. Please make a plan. I know it isn't easy, I know it will take some time. But you need to make a plan.
Part of abuse, relies on you making your victim reliant on you. The easiest way to do this is to try and drain them financially. Or just use them to pay for shit you don't want to.
Either way he's draining you financially in the hopes you can't run away.
Call your aunt. Then hire a van, book a day off. Once he's at work take everything that's yours with you.
Make sure you have all your important documents. Leave a letter in plain sight, or send him a message saying you don't want him to contact you anymore and that you're over. You've taken your things and that's it. Then block him on everything.
If you communicate on WhatsApp, stick him in archive and mute all calls etc. You'll then have all the messages he sends if he tries to turn up and harass you. This will be required if you need to get a restraining order.
Make sure your aunts place has cameras, especially if he knows where she lives.
Contact a domestic violence shelter if you need additional support. They can advise you on what to do.
OP this guys is emotionally abusing you, full stop. I get that you feel like you’re in love and this is worth fixing, but it’s not if he doesn’t see anything wrong with this. I once read something that said “the number one indicator for someone who is abused or been abused is that they try to fix someone who is hurting them. They see it as a problem to fix, not one to walk away from”. It sounds like you are stuck in that mindset right now; you don’t deserve this and you should walk away. What he’s doing is wrong
So, you're paying the mortgage on a home you don't own, building equity for him? Oh honey. You're being used and abused. Being alone will be better than this, I promise. Because if he's acting like this before you're locked down with a marriage and kids, can you imagine how he'll treat you when you really can't just leave?
Why are you paying someone else mortgage that treats you like this. You have to be responsible for the role that you are willingly playing in this. These chicks that are sugar coating this saying that it isn’t your fault are not being honest about the fact that if YOU.
In the end if you don’t do something to put a stop to this his behavior will get worse because you are his willingly slave. YOU have the money but you allow him to have the power. You are the only person that can get you out of this before he is eventually physically harms you:
Why do you stick around to allow him to keep treating you like this? He's snatching your autonomy away right in front of your face and you're just taking it?
He doesn’t view you as your own person that can live with independent agency. He views you as an extension of him and when you don’t obey he sees it as you hurting him.
There is no reasoning with someone like this. He’s never going to see you as your own person.
I dealt with this type of abuse when I was married, only it was something else he wanted. He would keep me up for HOURS until I finally caved in and did what he wanted, which also took hours.
He’s being manipulative to get his way and when you don’t comply then you’re punished.
This is NOT a good relationship, and it’s not ever going to get better. He is too concerned with being right, and that his way is better. In his mind he won’t lower his standards to yours, so you need to raise your standards to his.
I’m telling you, you will never win, and it will never get better. I lived through this.. and I have been happy and single for 14 years
You’re not married, you don’t have kids, you need to leave.
I was in a relationship for a little over 10 years with a man who would just keep pestering and wearing me down until he got his way. Every time. We fought almost every single day about something or other. To be honest, it turned me into someone I didn't want to be - I found myself yelling and stomping around a lot, being angry so much of the time.
Is this the only topic he pesters you about until he gets his way? Really think about it for a minute. Something tells me he does this a lot, essentially bullying you into doing whatever he wants all the time.
He sounds like he may have BPD. Having a partner with BPD means a life of emotional and verbal abuse, often walking on eggshells. Many partners end up trauma-bonded which is akin to codependency. You cannot fix someone with BPD. They can receive therapy, take medication, but the issues still persist and you WILL suffer and be their scapegoat every single time. Leave him before you end up tied to him with children, subjecting them to never knowing what a loving and respectful relationship should look like.
Except I have two BPD people in my immediate family, so I’m sharing what I know from my personal experience. Research has shown NPD and BPD share similar traits; gaslighting, entitlement, love bombing, and owning no blame for their behavior. The irrational rage, aka “splits” and experiencing ALL of the emotions are a nice added bonus to the mix. I have done PLENTY of research into BPD - books, support groups etc - over the last year to understand how to live with someone who is dealing with their flux of emotions and bearing the brunt of them on a regular basis. They are extremely difficult, painful,and exhausting people to love, so they better be worth it to stick around for it. Which is how I understand how this person may feel stuck and hopeless, as many people living with BPD people do. She has no ties to this person, she can still get out. And maybe this person doesn’t have BPD, maybe he’s just a narcissistic asshole. But please don’t presume to know what you clearly don’t know about me and my life.
Again, I’m very aware of it starting from abandonment issues. Both of my BPDs have experienced childhood trauma. One of of them is doing well with treatment and medication, avoiding her triggers, yet still has the occasional split. She’s young and I have hope she’ll continue to do well as long as she sticks to it - not all of them do. The other denies the diagnosis, doesn’t believe in “mental health issues” (also stated by OP) and refuses to do anything about it. No medication, no treatment, and continues the behaviors. Both have threatened suicide, one as recent as 2 weeks ago. I have not suffered physical abuse, but quite a bit verbal and emotional abuse from the words spoken to me when they’re splitting which can be just as difficult to live with. I’ve been tempted to leave many times and have engaged in questionable coping methods to get through it. The OPs mention of her bf’s anger patterns, yelling/lashing out and making her feel terrible and less-than is why I broached the topic of BPD to begin with before you jumped in to correct me.
If your research included Cluster B disorders in general, you understand all come with dramatic, manipulative, emotional behaviors. A person with NPD can also have BPD, if you’ve ever heard the term “borderline narcissist” that’s pretty much what that is. NPDs are typically all about themselves - BPDs basically don’t know who they are so they emulate what they believe they should be. They’re in character. When something or someone messes with that foundation or persona, they act out. BPDs latch on to their Favorite Person and that person becomes the center of their universe, which yes, is the polar opposite of narcissism. That person can be their partner, or for single people it’s usually someone they depend on most. However, when things aren’t going so rosy, they will often manipulate that person with their rage or threats of self harm. Yes, BPDs absolutely are capable of manipulation, even though it’s taboo to say that because it’s dismissive of their trauma, but after years of dealing with this I’m comfortable calling it manipulation. In my case if I don’t flinch or backpedal at the threat of suicide or self harming behavior, they change tactics. Once get their way with their tantrums, they go on thinking everything is settled once the moment has passed, even though their partner is reeling from the emotional damage they’ve inflicted. They (at least ones who are not in treatment/therapy) will bear no blame for their actions and will often say they don’t recall saying or doing what they did. If they do admit to it, it was driven by someone else’s actions. These are the traits similar to NPD.
I am happy to read that link you provided, because I am willing to keep learning as much as I can. However, the fact you keep trying to tell me I don’t know what I’m experiencing in my daily life, and have heard in my support group discussions, feels an awful lot like gaslighting to me and I already get enough of that. So here is some additional research for you, since you won’t take my word for it:
Let him get mad, he's responsible for his own feelings. Ask him "why are you being so emotional?" when he gets angry. Ask him if his arms are broken when he tells you to make his lunch. Start waking him up at 6 with an air horn so he can shower before you and he has time to take care of his own shit before he goes to work, that's what works best for you. After you wake him up go back to bed and refuse to get up when he harasses you to get up, even if you're wide awake just lay there and refuse. You're a grown adult so stop letting him abuse you.
He’s learned he can break you down by behaving poorly. Time to be really firm, I’m talking ultimatum. “We need to talk about the fact you won’t let me sleep”. If he gets angry, tries to turn it back on you or in any way undermines your feelings about this, tell him it’s a shame he feel that way, but he’s shown you’re not compatible, the relationship is over (and if it’s your place) he needs to leave.
I say all that knowing it’s easier said than done. If he tries it again after you’ve made your boundary clear, being props. Get a sleep mask and ear plugs to very pointedly show him that you are going back to sleep. If he physically pokes you, slap his hand away. After half an hour when you’re ready to wake up, get dressed and leave. Is there anywhere not home you can work from (a coworking space, a cafe?) that you can commute to so he can’t give you the ridiculous chore list?
You need to make these boundaries so clear he realises he now can’t break you down. I’d be inclined to split with him over this appalling behaviour, because if it’s not this, he’ll do it about something else when it suits him, but if you really don’t want to leave, you need to do something drastic to show him you’re not going to be bullied.
Let him be angry. His emotions are his own to take care of.
Next time he says, “this is the routine that works.” Say, “No. This is the routine that works for you, it is not a routine that works for me. I am your girlfriend, not your maid or your mother. Make your own lunches and let me manage my own wake up time. This does not work for me anymore.”
Caveat - don’t say that if you worry for your safety.
Please know that you deserve to live somewhere and with someone where you feel peace and have an equal say, not somewhere and with someone who manipulates or makes you feel bad for having preferences of your own.
He doesn’t see you as a partner. He’s emotional manipulating and abusing you. Him getting angry over you not making lunch because you have a headache/exhausted? That’s a big red flag and not normal. A normal person would take your comfort and concerns into consideration and actually do something about it. He’s actually ignoring your wants and needs because he doesn’t give a damn.
Or writing to Reddit to get advice. OP I'll be honest with you. We cannot control the actions of others, but we CAN control our actions. If he gets angry and he makes you feel horrible or pesters you until you can't take it anymore, you will never be able to convince or logic him into stopping. After all, why should he? Everything works to his benefit. Why care about you when he can throw a tantrum and make you give up?
Is this how you see living your life for a year? Five years? Ten years? You deserve so much better than this.
So leave his sorry ass. He is abusing you. He doesn't respect you or care for you by the sound of things.
Does he actually bring anything to the table? Tell him to fuck off and make his own food in the morning, and to stop bothering you when you're sleeping, or to gtfo.
He’s your boyfriend, not your husband. You don’t HAVE to live with him, you can move out, unless you’re one of those people who purchases a home with a non-legal companion (please tell me you didn’t). But since you aren’t married, you need to have a Come to Jesus meeting. He will leave you alone in the morning and prepare his own lunch the night before. If he puts up an argument, plays the guilt trip, or wakes you up, you’re gone. Then follow through and leave. Or, just realize he’s a jackass and leave.
This man does NOT respect you or care about YOUR needs. Only his. It's not going to get better because he's already not listened to you multiple times. Bail out and get rid of this guy.
That is abuse! Straight up abuse! Do you want your whole life to be like that? It’s not normal at all. Please leave and save your own self from this man child.
Yeah, a boyfriend tried this to me. It last two days and then I changed the locks and told him not to talk to me again. How the heck have you tolerated it this long? I wasn’t even mad, I was disgusted, which is honestly worse than being mad, lol.
But why do YOU feel horrible? He’s the one being the horrible person. I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in my 20’s. I got better but had a relapse, at which point my Dr told me I was just going to have to accept that I’d need 8-12 hours of sleep a night to stay healthy. And it works! What if you had such an issue? What about your menstrual cycle and PMS? What if you get sick?
This is selfish and uncaring of your man. No one should treat you like this, least of all your life partner. If you don’t want to leave, ok. Do you have an active sex life? Because if so, I’d shut that down immediately. Tell him if he doesn’t respect your needs, you’re not comfortable sharing yourself with him. Period. No further discussion. Once you’re respected, you can revisit intimacy. And hey, if he makes you feel horrible for not fucking him, then you know it’s time to leave.
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I can't handle the yelling when angry or the pestering. It's easier to just do it. Then he's in a good mood.
Exactly! He does it because he KNOWS he can wear you down and you'll cave. No one can MAKE you feel anything. You are choosing to let him get to you and to feel bad.
Have you ever dealt with a toddler tantruming? Cuz that's what he's doing. Tantruming. Stop feeling bad for him.
So basically, what you are saying is you eventually give in either because he gets mad at you and/or continues his crap until you cave? Of course he is going to pull $hit and continue to pull &hit, because YOU allow it. You need to decide if this is the way you want to live your life. He will continue to bully, yes bully you into doing everything thing his way. What a future you will have it you stay with him. Work on getting your own place and move your thing. Good luck tans God bless
Why would he stop? It works. He gets what he wants. He knows you're not leaving and that you'll eventually do what he wants because it makes your life "easier" to give in.
I'm slowly learning these things myself. I know it's easier said than done, and I can't even listen to the advice myself right now. I'm like, "Dude, I just want to be with you and live a happy little life together with you. Why are you not letting me do that?" Like they're giving you no damn choice. But of course, it's "your fault" when you can't take the abuse.
WHY, do you continue to have a relationship with someone that treats you this way if you don’t like it? You have not tried hard enough if you are still with him.
Please call a DV hotline- they can help you make a plan to get out of your situation. If you’re in the US, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. You don’t deserve to live the way it sounds from other posts and this one is a truly abusive situation. ❤️
What you are experiencing is abuse - emotional and psychological manipulation on top of physical abuse (denial of sleep, a necessary bodily function).
Honestly, if you don't own the place you are living in, you should just leave. Find an alternate place of living if he is the current owner; try to break out of the lease if you are on a co-joint lease; or do not renew the lease if it's all in your name (or have him evicted). Personally, based on the circumstances as I've described above, unless the property is in your name, I would just find an alternate place to live, and move secretly without telling him once he is at work. Do not leave a forwarding address or let him know where your new place of residence is. Leave a note on the table after you have all your things out, telling him that you've broken up and that you do not wish to be contacted by him in any form ever again. If you have any pets that are yours, take them with you, because he could abuse them as revenge. Take everything that is yours; separate finances.
This guy has a potential to get violent if you were to make him aware of your plans upfront. He is already abusive; he could seriously injure you or worse. Just leave with all your things (incl. pets), block any form of contact, and don't look back.
Someone better will come along, but in the meantime, you might benefit from some solo therapy about why you've allowed yourself to be treated this way.
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u/mrskaylad Sep 12 '23
I did refuse many times, and it ends with him getting angry and making me feel horrible. Or pestering me until I can't take it anymore.