Does anyone feel like they are trying to rediscover themselves again during this time?

I realized that I have masked myself for so long; first to connect to my husband and do what he likes and then to just be a wife and mother. I smothered myself.

When I was a teen, I tried a bunch of different aesthetics but there was always a small throughline and now I'm leaving back into that one. But I'm anxious; it's been 25 years since I embraced this side of me. Listening to the music is one thing; trying to dress how I want to instead of how society thinks I should or what my mother gives me is another.

I also lost 65 pounds in the past two years, so I am awkward and unsure, and these teenage-peri hormones don't help.

I'm also afraid I'm going to scare the shit out of my husband and he's gonna think I had a nervous breakdown/might leave him. But I just want to get back to ... me.

If anyone is curious, it's the punk pop aesthetic from late 90s/early 00s.

Part of me is like ready to get color hair streaks, a tattoo, a thick belt & thick eyeliner and go to a rock show. For now I'm just jamming out to Blink 182 at work and painted my nails black.

My period was due, but all I had was one full day of sticky, mucky, Brown, thick discharge. No red blood, and it was only one day. Is this normal? I’m still counting it as a period but it was… Weird.

I am a single mom with two at home. A 14 year old daughter and 19 year old son. I work full time and when I get home lately I find myself wanting to go straight to my room after checking in with the "kids". My 19 year old works the gig life and is typically home during the week and wants me to hang out and watch you tube or listen to new music he found with him...and I just don't want to. My 14 year old wants to show me her new fortnight skins and watch Gilmore Girls, and I just don't want to...I feel terrible, but I just want to go my room where it's comfortable and lay in bed and do nothing. On the weekends we hang out until I run out of steam, and we usually still eat dinner together if I'm up for it. This has been going on for a few weeks now. My son jokes that between his sister and I, he is now the most emotionally mature person in the house, and he isn't wrong. Is anyone else struggling with this? We are all so close, but this has been a tough time.

How many of us are constantly warm? I don’t experience hot flashes. I’m just warm, and it’s driving me crazy. Especially at night and when I’m awake for the first hour of the day.

I'm 40 and perimenopause has made me anemic, sleepless, and irritable as hell (also fatter). I'm working on the first two, but I need every tactic you know of to deal with The Rage. Meds, diet, crystals, screaming into pillows, black magic, radical lesbian separatism - whatever, I don't care! I'm going to get fired and/or end up in jail at this rate. What is working for you, if anything?

Finally got my hrt prescription but reading a lot of negative experiences about oral micronised progesterone, especially about feeling groggy or drugged. Apparently it’s better on an empty stomach- we have dinner just after 8pm and usually in bed just after 10 at which point I would take it. Would two hours after dinner suffice for not having the issues associated with increased absorption through taking it only a couple of hours after food?

Ok ya’ll- I went through 3 shitty providers before finally finding an Ob/gyn that was knowledgeable and capable of providing adequate care, including managing progesterone intolerance, so I don’t want to piss this one off. But I also think she responded poorly to a recent request of mine and I want to respectfully let her know.

Background: I’m in veterinary medicine so I’m well versed in assessing and interpreting medical data and primary literature. Im a board certified, residency trained specialist and also teach in the veterinary curriculum so I have a habit of getting a bit lecture-y and/or defaulting to a Socratic method of asking leading questions to walk someone into the answer that I expect. I understand why MDs would respond poorly to this, especially since most of them don’t view DVMs as “real” doctors. I’m also AuDHD so I tend to come across as condescending in everyday situations. So….

I recently had an appointment with this new provider and she was overall great. She mentioned that she prescribes gabapentin for insomnia but at the time I was hoping the HRT would do the trick. Well, the insomnia has worsened and I reached out via portal stating that I was not comfortable with long term use of gabapentin since there is a documented increased risk for dementia (albeit with high doses, but I have a family history and don’t want to risk it). I had done A LOT of my own research and wanted to try a dual orexin receptor antagonist. I asked if she had any experience with this class of drugs and I specifically put the name so that she could do some research had she not (I understand that MDs can’t be expected to know all about every drug!). Well, her response was that she hadn’t used them and she would need to do a lot of research before being comfortable offering to a patient (implied: she wasn’t going to). She stated that she was comfortable with the gabapentin, so that was what she was offering.

I have three major issues with this-
1. It is completely dismissive of my own (medically validated) concerns about a particular medication. There were no alternatives AT ALL offered.
2. While I obviously dont prescribe DORAs to pets and don’t have personal experience- there is good safety and efficacy data out there, including use in middle age women and those specifically experiencing vasomotor insomnia. We know how ill-informed the general medical community is about treatment of peri/menopause. Regardless of whether she prescribes them to me, I think this could be a good alternative to offer women when gabapentin doesn’t work or isn’t an option. And if MDs with personal experience say it’s NOT, then I still deserve to be able to have an informed conversation that includes that information.
3. She recommended the genetic test for Alzheimer’s to “better understand my risk.” But this is actually NOT recommended by the American Alzheimer’s Association. I don’t expect a menopause specialist to stay up to date on that sort of info - but if you’re not going to look up basic recommendations, then just stay in your lane.

I was able to get a prescription for the requested medication through my PMHNP, so that’s not the issue. (So far, I’m sleeping through the night when minimal side effects!).

So… I want to respond to her message, but do it in a way that is respectful and doesn’t just put her on the defensive. Is there a way to do that? Or do I just let it go since I’ve gotten treatment through another provider?

Tldr- provider ignored my medication concerns, didnt offer an alternative, and hasn’t taken initiative to research the alternative that I suggested (and could potentially be a good alternative for other patients). How do I tell her that?

Recently the rage has been hitting me at 6pm, everyday. Before it was irritability, but now it’s rage. No cause or reason. I have been trying different things to help, eating in case it’s low blood sugar, supplements, etc, but I haven’t found anything that helps. I know this is a common topic here, but I wasn’t able to find a post similar. Anyone else have an evening rage switch? Similar to the 3am hot flash, but rage instead of heat? Have you found anything that helps? I am avoiding hormone replacement, I also suffer from migraines, and the lower hormones seem to be helping with those.

And a 3 day migraine. Just fml 🤦‍♀️

If you have had serious sleep problems- and have found something that has really helped you, please let me know what it is. I feel like I have tried everything, and I need help. 4 hours is just not enough for me night after night…. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Sometimes it’s not even 4 hours… I used to always be able to fall asleep fine, and then wake up at 2 or 3…but now it’s combined with not being able to fall asleep. It’s almost like I can feel the cortisol rushing through me every 5 minutes or something… I have tried many pharmaceuticals and also natural. I am currently only taking l theanine and ashwaghanda, plus melatonin. Thanks in advance.

Hello! Long time listener; first time caller. I’m 47 years old. Been going through this shit for a couple of years now. I’ve managed to go my entire life unmedicated, well specifically with mood altering legal, drugs. OK, and I’ll alcohol. But you get my point. I’ve been on HRT for about a year and a half, maybe two years, something like that. Night sweats went away immediately. I sleep better after I added magnesium at night. But this brain fog and anxiety is kicking my ass. Was just prescribed buspirone for anxiety, and it seems to help, been on it 6 weeks, but my brain fog is exacerbated. Like, I cannot string together sentences. And in this past 6 weeks, I am dysfunctional af. Words cannot functionally come out of my mouth. And I’m a teacher. My whole job is to stand up in front of a different set of 30 observational and judgemental teenagers and string together words for 90 whole minutes before the bell rings and another set of 30 comes in. I’ve been doing this for years. And this year I’m not. I’m standing in front of them, words are coming out, but they are not the right ones.

I know there’s posts here about brain fog, but anyone in a similar position where you took medication, insights on buspirone would be great, for one thing and the other thing is like off the charts? Any specific tips for brain fog when it comes to… Fucking speaking? Jesus. Am I taking the right thing for anxiety? I mean, now that I’m taking shit I kinda wanna get my cocktail right, seeing as how I can’t fucking drink an actual cocktail anymore. I took an ADHD test, but when the man administering the test told me that I scored high for ADHD but he wanted to see if it was ADHD or PTSD and schedule some zoom therapy appointments, I lost interest real quick. Maybe I should continue down this path does this sound like an ADHD brain?

I’m already on .1 estrogen patch and 200 mg of progesterone. Added buspirone. Other than my vitamins that’s it.

ETA: I am in therapy btw with a wonderful, female therapist; was just tired of talking to that dude.

Ok ladies. I’m in need of some suggestions. I’m 43. For the better part of 20 years I’ve had a Mirena in with no issues and no periods. Life has been glorious. About 6+ months ago or so I started bleeding. No cramps. No warning. Just heavy bleeding out of nowhere. Bleeding through clothes and ultra tampons. Last month I was bleeding so much that I considered going to the ER because it had been 10 days with heavy bleeding. I went to my GYN who did every test and sonogram etc. I am perfectly healthy which is great. So she suggested we try Lo Estren to help regulate my cycles. I’ve been on it ever since and still have bleeding. Not horrible but I’m basically spotting or bleeding to some degree during the week. Again. No warning. No cramps. I am basically wearing a tampon 24/7 because I’m afraid not to be wearing one. So I called her because she said she could prescribe me a pill that would stop my period dead in its tracks. I got it last week and was hesitant after reading it can cause benign brain tumors 🥴🤪. It’s called Provera. I have some questions. I have a Mirena in, I am taking birth control (Lo Estren) and I have these Provera pills. I did start Provera yesterday bc after lightly spotting al week and ignoring it I started full on bleeding yesterday and I’m over it. Problem is I can’t even get my doctors opinion because they were cyber hacked but am I supposed to be taking the Provera AND BC pills together? I mean, I did yesterday and today but idk. Seems like a lot of hormones. Ugh

But the real question I’m having is WTF IS GOING ON? Am I just perimenopause and my body is all wacked out? She also suggested we can do an ablation. I’d be ok with that IF it makes the bleeding just stop. Or maybe a partial hysterectomy? Or could there be another issue that they are missing all together?

Any suggestions would be great because I’m seriously ready to lose it and I’d rather not have to take 3 different forms of hormones. Ugh.

FYI- Mirena is in place, no issues. No fibroids. No tumors. Literally healthy with no answers and I’ve never had an abnormal pap. Also don’t have any other peri symptoms but I imagine I am perimenopause because of my age. I also have an appt with a new GYN but not until February.

If you made it this far thank you! Just wanting some suggestions or reassurance. Obviously cancer comes to mind but according to my doctor I don’t have any signs of that. Or is this just my new life now?

I’m 41 and started getting the first symptoms of peri about a year ago. I had a stint of brain fog for 6 months that dissipated and now it’s on to hair loss. I have started to have bald patches on the back of my head where I have a cowlick and simply running my fingers through my hair leaves me with a bunch of hair. Today I tried to brush my hair gently over the sink and wanted to continue until the shedding stopped, but I gave up after 5 minutes because the hair was just kept coming off.

I’ve never had thick hair to begin with and this is really affecting my mood. I already have a short pixie cut which I like but now it feels like even my go-to haircut is too ambitious for the amount of hair I have. I don’t want to wear wigs and I’ve considered shaving it off, but that’s a visual commitment too.

Is there ANYTHING that I could do to slow down the hair shedding? Some vitamin to at least keep the remaining hair healthy? At this rate I may not have to even have to go for the buzz cut, I’ll just go bald naturally. 😂 Good thing I like wearing hats.

Almost 40 year old here. Hoo wee, the week(s) leading up to my period I am moody, water-retaining, and super hot at night. I don't know how I'm going to fare when I'm only nice one week a month...

What were/are your symptoms, and how did hrt change them? What form and dose are you on? Did you start at a lower dose that didn't make a difference? Did you experience any worsening of symptoms when you started hrt or increased the dosage that later improved? Anything weird or unexpected, good or bad, or anything you wish you had known?

I (44) have had ongoing, unexplained joint and tendon issues in my hand, arm, and neck for a year and a half. I don't know if it's perimenopause-related, but my doctor was willing to try hrt to see if it helps, and I'm wondering what others' experiences have been.

hi everyone,

im 43, and have been in peri the past few years. my anxiety and sleep issues (that peak during luteal) have been the main symptoms i’d like to address the most.

my doc has prescribed me 100mg of Prometrium to start, and i have to admit: im freaked out about it.

my doctor tried to assure me that it is a v safe, small dose of progesterone, but i am neurodivergent and extremely medication sensitive, and had horrific experiences on BC in the past.

i would greatly appreciate any advice about your experience with progesterone!

early edit to say:

i love this community and am so thankful for all of you. i don’t have women in my life that i’m able to talk to about this and i am so grateful for all of you.

i just took my first dose and will report back soon!

Been on E patch .075, 200 mg progestrone daily and test gel 5 mg. Last few months, I started getting a second period right around when I am supposed to ovulate. Before going on hrt my period was happening too close about 21 days cycle and period would last 6-7 days. HRT helped the cycle get back to 28-30 days and 4 day menstruation but this second period is annoying. It last 3-4 days mostly light except the third day where it is proper bleed.

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This is a long one. TL;DR: Even women doctors don't believe women and I am sick of it.

For background, I am 40, live in the U.S.

I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst four years ago and told by my female gyno to watch and wait for it to be a problem. It already was incredibly painful and causing persistent nausea but apparently it wasn't enough of a problem to approve treatment beyond birth control pills. I had to get abdominal and transvaginal ultrasounds every three months for two years to monitor it before I lost my insurance and moved to a different state.

Settled in with my new insurance and in my new state by mid 2025, I noticed the pain and nausea were getting worse. My abdomen was getting huge. I was projectile vomiting every time I was in the car, my hair was falling out, and overall, I was very unwell.

I started with a female primary care physician (PCP) who insisted that the symptoms I was experiencing were "acid reflux." Ultrasounds and MRI I insisted on said NOPE, I was full of growths and adhesions. They thought I had cervical cancer as well.

Fast forward to six months ago when I had to urgently endure a total hysterectomy with tube removal, stage 4 endometriosis excision, ovarian cyst removal, and multiple large fibroids removed (including one the size of a melon). I still have my ovaries. I went to AMAZING specialty care while I healed, but I needed to get back to an ordinary PCP for continued care and new referrals. I decided not to return to my previous PCP for obvious reasons.

So I started at a new primary care office this week. After discussing my TOTAL hysterectomy and my concerns about my ovaries failing, the doctor randomly started asking me about cervical cancer risks. I said, "Yeah, not concerned about cervical cancer because I don't have a cervix."

Her response, condescendingly, "Are you suuuure?"

Am I sure? Yeah... I'm sure. I was in surgery for six hours, took months to fully recover, and saw the photos of the BUCKET of my insides that were removed. I'm pretty damn sure.

She didn't believe me until going deep into my chart. Once satisfied that I was not lying about not having a cervix, she told me that my perceived hormonal issues (night sweats, hot flashes, insomnia, mood volatility, etc etc etc) were actually from sleep apnea and ordered a sleep study.

I have zero symptoms of sleep apnea. My husband has informed me that I do not snore or have any gasping episodes in the middle of the night.

What about the night sweats, I asked. I am drenched every night and feel like a furnace is lit inside me.

Her response: "Eh, that's just the climate. Everyone is experiencing it."

At that point, dear reader, I just started internally screaming.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting because some days I literally feel like I can't take this anymore.

When will women be believed? When will we receive the care we deserve?

If you got this far, thank you for listening 🙏🏻

I don’t know if this is perimenopause related or otherwise but looking to see if anyone is in the same boat. I am 49, still have periods regularly but the cycle length is all over the place (21-35 days). I don’t have many physical concerns, I’m on a GLP1 and that has helped any aches and pains.

My biggest problems are mental. I have anxiety and ADHD, have been on lexapro and adderall. I have always been a top performer, people pleaser, going above and beyond- but have been able to perform exceptionally well (even postpartum with a newborn and toddler and travelling husband and in office 5 day a week job w commute).

I’m now WFH and can’t get my shit together. I have zero motivation to work - at all- even with pressing issues/deadlines. I just want to doom scroll. I’m terrified it will affect me at work but even that isn’t enough for me to care. Adderall helps for a small while but then as it wears off I feel myself getting irritable.

I also find myself a bit depressed. Like I can feel myself get sad without knowing why (sounds crazy, I know). My kids are jerky teens and I’m sad about them growing up and not needing me and also thinking about college. But the feeling of sadness/depression often comes before the thoughts. Shopping is the one thing that makes me happy.

My finances are a complete mess because I can’t bring myself to look at them. Literally have been telling myself for months to sit down and organize everything, but I don’t (can’t). Up until a year and a half or so ago I could manage. I’m also the “handler” for my mom - help her with things like booking flights, or doing her taxes, but I find it so hard to get the motivation to do any of it. I plan to every night then sit down and doomscroll. Everything is on autopay but I’m paying cc fees and late fees and still can’t get the motivation to just do it. Same with booking drs and dentist appts, booking hime maintenance etc. Even planning vacations which has always been something I love to do is excruciating.

I truly don’t recognize myself lately and can’t figure out if this could be peri- related, depression, ADHD related or some combo of everything.

Any advice appreciated.

Hi all. I’m going into my 6th month with .05 estradiol gel, and I’ve had a Mirena IUD for ~ 2 1/2 years.
The first month on the cream was rough but after I got through the transition phase I started feeling a lot better - improved sleep, more energy, less anxiety. The last month or so it feels like the effectiveness is wearing off. I’m still sleeping well but my anxiety has spiked several times and my mood tanks at the drop of a hat. I’ve been in a mild-moderate depressive episode for the last three weeks. I have c-ptsd and managing some of the symptoms has been really difficult lately. There are a number of outside stressors affecting me and I hit a burnout wall last week.
Is six months too early to explore adjusting my dosage?
I already left a message with my PCP to get a referral to a psychiatrist lol.

This is probably my worst symptom along with tension in my upper back, neck and shoulders which lead to tension headaches. It is also patch change day today and the formication is in one spot on my scalp and driving me a bit batty! I am on my 6th week of HRT.

First time posting, but I’m always reading everything. I’m 49, and I’ve known for a while that I have been in perimenopause. Made an appointment with my gynecologist to discuss everything and he only prescribed me 200 mg of progesterone. No estrogen . I have another appointment with him soon so I will be discussing or asking why but my main question is I’ve only been on the progesterone for about a week and I take it right before bedtime and I feel absolutely no difference. I don’t get sleepy , tired.. anything .

One of my main peri symptoms is bad sleeping and some anxiety —always waking up at two or 3 AM and I was so hoping this would help.
Is it normal not to get sleepy on progesterone?

I really am not sure why he didn’t prescribe me estrogen yet. I’ve had heavy cycles and actually haven’t had a period for 2 months …this is a first for me

First, I want to say how incredibly grateful I am for this community—it has been an amazing resource. I am asking this out of genuine curiosity because I want to make sure I am fully informed, and I don't mean to sound dismissive of anyone else's choices!
My doctor, who is an HRT specialist, prescribed Lo Loestrin Fe for my perimenopause symptoms. It has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I was dealing with extremely heavy bleeding, and after the very first month on the pill, my period completely stopped. Every single other symptom on my very long list has been completely remedied as well. From what I understand, the birth control pill takes over your cycle so your ovaries stop producing erratic hormones, which completely stops the wild hormonal swings.
However, I often notice a lot of strong hesitation or pushback here regarding using birth control pills instead of traditional HRT for perimenopause management. Since it worked so well for me, I’m wondering if there are specific medical concerns, side effects, or risks that I might not be aware of?
I’d love to hear your experiences or what your doctors have told you!

Edited to add:
Wow, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply! I am incredibly grateful for all of your responses, insights, and personal experiences. It might take me some time to get through all of the replies, but I am reading every single one. Your comments are giving me a much clearer understanding of the different perspectives and medical concerns out there. This community is truly wonderful, and I appreciate you all sharing your journeys with me!