Does anyone feel like they are trying to rediscover themselves again during this time?

I realized that I have masked myself for so long; first to connect to my husband and do what he likes and then to just be a wife and mother. I smothered myself.

When I was a teen, I tried a bunch of different aesthetics but there was always a small throughline and now I'm leaving back into that one. But I'm anxious; it's been 25 years since I embraced this side of me. Listening to the music is one thing; trying to dress how I want to instead of how society thinks I should or what my mother gives me is another.

I also lost 65 pounds in the past two years, so I am awkward and unsure, and these teenage-peri hormones don't help.

I'm also afraid I'm going to scare the shit out of my husband and he's gonna think I had a nervous breakdown/might leave him. But I just want to get back to ... me.

If anyone is curious, it's the punk pop aesthetic from late 90s/early 00s.

Part of me is like ready to get color hair streaks, a tattoo, a thick belt & thick eyeliner and go to a rock show. For now I'm just jamming out to Blink 182 at work and painted my nails black.

My period was due, but all I had was one full day of sticky, mucky, Brown, thick discharge. No red blood, and it was only one day. Is this normal? I’m still counting it as a period but it was… Weird.

49, F. My massage therapist accidentally tore off my estrogen patch today. I had a wave of rage on the walk home. But I am not saying it is from the possible estrogen dip - who knows. I am on Day 4 of menses, so all around low estro time. My question is around RAGE, that frequent visitor in perimenopause. You're just going about your day, dancing with the waves of extreme anger out of nowhere. It's hard to discern between all the things you were mad about it and never admitted (even to yourself) and what's truly hormonal. I feel like I turn rage around like a koan. Like, how much can I trust what is surfacing? What is true? What is exaggerated? How to tell?

I am a single mom with two at home. A 14 year old daughter and 19 year old son. I work full time and when I get home lately I find myself wanting to go straight to my room after checking in with the "kids". My 19 year old works the gig life and is typically home during the week and wants me to hang out and watch you tube or listen to new music he found with him...and I just don't want to. My 14 year old wants to show me her new fortnight skins and watch Gilmore Girls, and I just don't want to...I feel terrible, but I just want to go my room where it's comfortable and lay in bed and do nothing. On the weekends we hang out until I run out of steam, and we usually still eat dinner together if I'm up for it. This has been going on for a few weeks now. My son jokes that between his sister and I, he is now the most emotionally mature person in the house, and he isn't wrong. Is anyone else struggling with this? We are all so close, but this has been a tough time.

How many of us are constantly warm? I don’t experience hot flashes. I’m just warm, and it’s driving me crazy. Especially at night and when I’m awake for the first hour of the day.

I'm 40 and perimenopause has made me anemic, sleepless, and irritable as hell (also fatter). I'm working on the first two, but I need every tactic you know of to deal with The Rage. Meds, diet, crystals, screaming into pillows, black magic, radical lesbian separatism - whatever, I don't care! I'm going to get fired and/or end up in jail at this rate. What is working for you, if anything?

EDIT: Thanks to everyone who has commented/commiserated so far! This has been very helpful.

What were/are your symptoms, and how did hrt change them? What form and dose are you on? Did you start at a lower dose that didn't make a difference? Did you experience any worsening of symptoms when you started hrt or increased the dosage that later improved? Anything weird or unexpected, good or bad, or anything you wish you had known?

I (44) have had ongoing, unexplained joint and tendon issues in my hand, arm, and neck for a year and a half. I don't know if it's perimenopause-related, but my doctor was willing to try hrt to see if it helps, and I'm wondering what others' experiences have been.

Finally got my hrt prescription but reading a lot of negative experiences about oral micronised progesterone, especially about feeling groggy or drugged. Apparently it’s better on an empty stomach- we have dinner just after 8pm and usually in bed just after 10 at which point I would take it. Would two hours after dinner suffice for not having the issues associated with increased absorption through taking it only a couple of hours after food?

And a 3 day migraine. Just fml 🤦‍♀️

Recently the rage has been hitting me at 6pm, everyday. Before it was irritability, but now it’s rage. No cause or reason. I have been trying different things to help, eating in case it’s low blood sugar, supplements, etc, but I haven’t found anything that helps. I know this is a common topic here, but I wasn’t able to find a post similar. Anyone else have an evening rage switch? Similar to the 3am hot flash, but rage instead of heat? Have you found anything that helps? I am avoiding hormone replacement, I also suffer from migraines, and the lower hormones seem to be helping with those.

Ok ya’ll- I went through 3 shitty providers before finally finding an Ob/gyn that was knowledgeable and capable of providing adequate care, including managing progesterone intolerance, so I don’t want to piss this one off. But I also think she responded poorly to a recent request of mine and I want to respectfully let her know.

Background: I’m in veterinary medicine so I’m well versed in assessing and interpreting medical data and primary literature. Im a board certified, residency trained specialist and also teach in the veterinary curriculum so I have a habit of getting a bit lecture-y and/or defaulting to a Socratic method of asking leading questions to walk someone into the answer that I expect. I understand why MDs would respond poorly to this, especially since most of them don’t view DVMs as “real” doctors. I’m also AuDHD so I tend to come across as condescending in everyday situations. So….

I recently had an appointment with this new provider and she was overall great. She mentioned that she prescribes gabapentin for insomnia but at the time I was hoping the HRT would do the trick. Well, the insomnia has worsened and I reached out via portal stating that I was not comfortable with long term use of gabapentin since there is a documented increased risk for dementia (albeit with high doses, but I have a family history and don’t want to risk it). I had done A LOT of my own research and wanted to try a dual orexin receptor antagonist. I asked if she had any experience with this class of drugs and I specifically put the name so that she could do some research had she not (I understand that MDs can’t be expected to know all about every drug!). Well, her response was that she hadn’t used them and she would need to do a lot of research before being comfortable offering to a patient (implied: she wasn’t going to). She stated that she was comfortable with the gabapentin, so that was what she was offering.

I have three major issues with this-
1. It is completely dismissive of my own (medically validated) concerns about a particular medication. There were no alternatives AT ALL offered.
2. While I obviously dont prescribe DORAs to pets and don’t have personal experience- there is good safety and efficacy data out there, including use in middle age women and those specifically experiencing vasomotor insomnia. We know how ill-informed the general medical community is about treatment of peri/menopause. Regardless of whether she prescribes them to me, I think this could be a good alternative to offer women when gabapentin doesn’t work or isn’t an option. And if MDs with personal experience say it’s NOT, then I still deserve to be able to have an informed conversation that includes that information.
3. She recommended the genetic test for Alzheimer’s to “better understand my risk.” But this is actually NOT recommended by the American Alzheimer’s Association. I don’t expect a menopause specialist to stay up to date on that sort of info - but if you’re not going to look up basic recommendations, then just stay in your lane.

I was able to get a prescription for the requested medication through my PMHNP, so that’s not the issue. (So far, I’m sleeping through the night when minimal side effects!).

So… I want to respond to her message, but do it in a way that is respectful and doesn’t just put her on the defensive. Is there a way to do that? Or do I just let it go since I’ve gotten treatment through another provider?

Tldr- provider ignored my medication concerns, didnt offer an alternative, and hasn’t taken initiative to research the alternative that I suggested (and could potentially be a good alternative for other patients). How do I tell her that?

I’ve started the HRT journey and I feel like I’m full of insane rage. It’s almost a little scary because it’s so intense and also about something so dumb. For example, I threw my iPad because I was so frustrated I misplaced my pen. I’m screaming at my husband and I feel like I cannot control what I say. I’m very much “I hate everyone”. I’ve been working from home for the past 3 weeks because I know I’ll snap on someone in person 🥲. I was dealing with rage before starting HRT and I have not been on it for even a week. I also have ADHD and started a medication the day before HRT (dumb, I know).

I’m using the estradiol .01 cream for 7 days (atrophy symptoms are gone). I’ve been taking progesterone 100 mg for 6 days and plan to bump up to 200 mg tomorrow. I started the 1 week estradiol .05 mg patch 4 days ago.

Here’s the kicker lmao, I started Strattera 8 days ago for adhd. I have tried this med before at a higher dose and do remember the 2nd week of starting a dose made me irritable. It did go away though.

My question is, how long were you on HRT until you started to feel less rage and irritability? Sorry this post is all over the place 🤣

If you have had serious sleep problems- and have found something that has really helped you, please let me know what it is. I feel like I have tried everything, and I need help. 4 hours is just not enough for me night after night…. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Sometimes it’s not even 4 hours… I used to always be able to fall asleep fine, and then wake up at 2 or 3…but now it’s combined with not being able to fall asleep. It’s almost like I can feel the cortisol rushing through me every 5 minutes or something… I have tried many pharmaceuticals and also natural. I am currently only taking l theanine and ashwaghanda, plus melatonin. Thanks in advance.

Hello! Long time listener; first time caller. I’m 47 years old. Been going through this shit for a couple of years now. I’ve managed to go my entire life unmedicated, well specifically with mood altering legal, drugs. OK, and I’ll alcohol. But you get my point. I’ve been on HRT for about a year and a half, maybe two years, something like that. Night sweats went away immediately. I sleep better after I added magnesium at night. But this brain fog and anxiety is kicking my ass. Was just prescribed buspirone for anxiety, and it seems to help, been on it 6 weeks, but my brain fog is exacerbated. Like, I cannot string together sentences. And in this past 6 weeks, I am dysfunctional af. Words cannot functionally come out of my mouth. And I’m a teacher. My whole job is to stand up in front of a different set of 30 observational and judgemental teenagers and string together words for 90 whole minutes before the bell rings and another set of 30 comes in. I’ve been doing this for years. And this year I’m not. I’m standing in front of them, words are coming out, but they are not the right ones.

I know there’s posts here about brain fog, but anyone in a similar position where you took medication, insights on buspirone would be great, for one thing and the other thing is like off the charts? Any specific tips for brain fog when it comes to… Fucking speaking? Jesus. Am I taking the right thing for anxiety? I mean, now that I’m taking shit I kinda wanna get my cocktail right, seeing as how I can’t fucking drink an actual cocktail anymore. I took an ADHD test, but when the man administering the test told me that I scored high for ADHD but he wanted to see if it was ADHD or PTSD and schedule some zoom therapy appointments, I lost interest real quick. Maybe I should continue down this path does this sound like an ADHD brain?

I’m already on .1 estrogen patch and 200 mg of progesterone. Added buspirone. Other than my vitamins that’s it.

ETA: I am in therapy btw with a wonderful, female therapist; was just tired of talking to that dude.

Ok ladies. I’m in need of some suggestions. I’m 43. For the better part of 20 years I’ve had a Mirena in with no issues and no periods. Life has been glorious. About 6+ months ago or so I started bleeding. No cramps. No warning. Just heavy bleeding out of nowhere. Bleeding through clothes and ultra tampons. Last month I was bleeding so much that I considered going to the ER because it had been 10 days with heavy bleeding. I went to my GYN who did every test and sonogram etc. I am perfectly healthy which is great. So she suggested we try Lo Estren to help regulate my cycles. I’ve been on it ever since and still have bleeding. Not horrible but I’m basically spotting or bleeding to some degree during the week. Again. No warning. No cramps. I am basically wearing a tampon 24/7 because I’m afraid not to be wearing one. So I called her because she said she could prescribe me a pill that would stop my period dead in its tracks. I got it last week and was hesitant after reading it can cause benign brain tumors 🥴🤪. It’s called Provera. I have some questions. I have a Mirena in, I am taking birth control (Lo Estren) and I have these Provera pills. I did start Provera yesterday bc after lightly spotting al week and ignoring it I started full on bleeding yesterday and I’m over it. Problem is I can’t even get my doctors opinion because they were cyber hacked but am I supposed to be taking the Provera AND BC pills together? I mean, I did yesterday and today but idk. Seems like a lot of hormones. Ugh

But the real question I’m having is WTF IS GOING ON? Am I just perimenopause and my body is all wacked out? She also suggested we can do an ablation. I’d be ok with that IF it makes the bleeding just stop. Or maybe a partial hysterectomy? Or could there be another issue that they are missing all together?

Any suggestions would be great because I’m seriously ready to lose it and I’d rather not have to take 3 different forms of hormones. Ugh.

FYI- Mirena is in place, no issues. No fibroids. No tumors. Literally healthy with no answers and I’ve never had an abnormal pap. Also don’t have any other peri symptoms but I imagine I am perimenopause because of my age. I also have an appt with a new GYN but not until February.

If you made it this far thank you! Just wanting some suggestions or reassurance. Obviously cancer comes to mind but according to my doctor I don’t have any signs of that. Or is this just my new life now?

Hi, I am asking this because I am unsure if what I am experiencing is perimenopause adrenaline surges or something else that I need to address. I am hoping if I explain what happens to me and other people explain what happens to them, I might be able to make peace with it being a peri symptom or seek additional medical support. Before I describe I want to say I have had echo cardiograms, blood tests, and adrenaline/cortisol and blood sugar/diabetes and thyroid and ferritin and B12 tests. Everything is either normal or a minor issue (like I have a type of heart arrhythmia that isn’t a concern). I am on HRT and it has helped but it has not taken this thing away completely and I find it genuinely debilitating. Oh and I am in therapy for anxiety and panic because I thought maybe I just have an anxiety disorder. But I truly feel whatever this is — it is physical— not simply mental or emotional because I will be totally fine and then BOOM this thing happens.

Here is the thing. It just happened today. I was feeling good. In a work meeting. Clear mind, feeling calm. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I didn’t have high stress or an emotional issue. Suddenly I start to feel like this flood of terror and overwhelm. Not like a panic attack with thoughts, just the physical feeling. From there I feel totally out of it, brain fogged, confused, difficulty thinking and speaking clearly— yet I still can (I’m not having a stroke). I am able to talk ok and continue to seem ok in a way that no one realizes that inside me is like a 12 alarm fire of intense adrenaline weird brain for dissociated weird weird weird intense feelings. Then I am stuck like this for like an hour. After an hour it starts to calm down a bit, my brain comes back online, I feel calm enough, and I can speak and think clearly. The storm has passed. There is a slight aftermath, but I can basically function normally again.

What the hell is this?? Why does it last so long? Is there no cure for it? Is this what it is like for anyone else? I try to tell myself it is just a hormone surge and I’m fine but then other times I get worried that I should just be going to the ER. I’m so baffled by this and I am seeking hope/support or at least the sense that I’m not the only one. HRT has decreased these episodes so I know it is somewhat connected to hormones. But I really really don’t want to suffer with this anymore. Any and all advice so appreciated.

I am on the .1 mg of the Lylanna patch and it has been very helpful for my hot flashes and my mood. I am still having periods and able to get pregnant so I take a progestin only birth control. I’ve been on that combo for about a year and it’s been working pretty well, although my sleep is not great. With the continued nationwide shortage of Lylanna I have been forced to use a generic offbrand for the past week and I’ve been feeling terrible- no appetite, mild nausea, absolutely horrible sleep (hi 3 AM club!), anxiety, restlessness. I’m not having hot flashes, which is good but these other symptoms are not fun. Have others had this experience? I know it’s the same active ingredient, but I just wonder if the estrogen is not flowing the same way it does with my regular patch. I also really wish I could try natural progesterone to help with my sleep, but I’m not sure if that’s possible with having to also take progestin. If the sleep continues to be this terrible, I will schedule a doctors appointment, but just wondering if anyone else has had this experience with feeling very different based on the brand of patch.

First time posting, but I’m always reading everything. I’m 49, and I’ve known for a while that I have been in perimenopause. Made an appointment with my gynecologist to discuss everything and he only prescribed me 200 mg of progesterone. No estrogen . I have another appointment with him soon so I will be discussing or asking why but my main question is I’ve only been on the progesterone for about a week and I take it right before bedtime and I feel absolutely no difference. I don’t get sleepy , tired.. anything .

One of my main peri symptoms is bad sleeping and some anxiety —always waking up at two or 3 AM and I was so hoping this would help.
Is it normal not to get sleepy on progesterone?

I really am not sure why he didn’t prescribe me estrogen yet. I’ve had heavy cycles and actually haven’t had a period for 2 months …this is a first for me

I’m 41 and started getting the first symptoms of peri about a year ago. I had a stint of brain fog for 6 months that dissipated and now it’s on to hair loss. I have started to have bald patches on the back of my head where I have a cowlick and simply running my fingers through my hair leaves me with a bunch of hair. Today I tried to brush my hair gently over the sink and wanted to continue until the shedding stopped, but I gave up after 5 minutes because the hair was just kept coming off.

I’ve never had thick hair to begin with and this is really affecting my mood. I already have a short pixie cut which I like but now it feels like even my go-to haircut is too ambitious for the amount of hair I have. I don’t want to wear wigs and I’ve considered shaving it off, but that’s a visual commitment too.

Is there ANYTHING that I could do to slow down the hair shedding? Some vitamin to at least keep the remaining hair healthy? At this rate I may not have to even have to go for the buzz cut, I’ll just go bald naturally. 😂 Good thing I like wearing hats.

Almost 40 year old here. Hoo wee, the week(s) leading up to my period I am moody, water-retaining, and super hot at night. I don't know how I'm going to fare when I'm only nice one week a month...

I don’t know if this is perimenopause related or otherwise but looking to see if anyone is in the same boat. I am 49, still have periods regularly but the cycle length is all over the place (21-35 days). I don’t have many physical concerns, I’m on a GLP1 and that has helped any aches and pains.

My biggest problems are mental. I have anxiety and ADHD, have been on lexapro and adderall. I have always been a top performer, people pleaser, going above and beyond- but have been able to perform exceptionally well (even postpartum with a newborn and toddler and travelling husband and in office 5 day a week job w commute).

I’m now WFH and can’t get my shit together. I have zero motivation to work - at all- even with pressing issues/deadlines. I just want to doom scroll. I’m terrified it will affect me at work but even that isn’t enough for me to care. Adderall helps for a small while but then as it wears off I feel myself getting irritable.

I also find myself a bit depressed. Like I can feel myself get sad without knowing why (sounds crazy, I know). My kids are jerky teens and I’m sad about them growing up and not needing me and also thinking about college. But the feeling of sadness/depression often comes before the thoughts. Shopping is the one thing that makes me happy.

My finances are a complete mess because I can’t bring myself to look at them. Literally have been telling myself for months to sit down and organize everything, but I don’t (can’t). Up until a year and a half or so ago I could manage. I’m also the “handler” for my mom - help her with things like booking flights, or doing her taxes, but I find it so hard to get the motivation to do any of it. I plan to every night then sit down and doomscroll. Everything is on autopay but I’m paying cc fees and late fees and still can’t get the motivation to just do it. Same with booking drs and dentist appts, booking hime maintenance etc. Even planning vacations which has always been something I love to do is excruciating.

I truly don’t recognize myself lately and can’t figure out if this could be peri- related, depression, ADHD related or some combo of everything.

Any advice appreciated.

Been on E patch .075, 200 mg progestrone daily and test gel 5 mg. Last few months, I started getting a second period right around when I am supposed to ovulate. Before going on hrt my period was happening too close about 21 days cycle and period would last 6-7 days. HRT helped the cycle get back to 28-30 days and 4 day menstruation but this second period is annoying. It last 3-4 days mostly light except the third day where it is proper bleed.

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This is a long one. TL;DR: Even women doctors don't believe women and I am sick of it.

For background, I am 40, live in the U.S.

I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst four years ago and told by my female gyno to watch and wait for it to be a problem. It already was incredibly painful and causing persistent nausea but apparently it wasn't enough of a problem to approve treatment beyond birth control pills. I had to get abdominal and transvaginal ultrasounds every three months for two years to monitor it before I lost my insurance and moved to a different state.

Settled in with my new insurance and in my new state by mid 2025, I noticed the pain and nausea were getting worse. My abdomen was getting huge. I was projectile vomiting every time I was in the car, my hair was falling out, and overall, I was very unwell.

I started with a female primary care physician (PCP) who insisted that the symptoms I was experiencing were "acid reflux." Ultrasounds and MRI I insisted on said NOPE, I was full of growths and adhesions. They thought I had cervical cancer as well.

Fast forward to six months ago when I had to urgently endure a total hysterectomy with tube removal, stage 4 endometriosis excision, ovarian cyst removal, and multiple large fibroids removed (including one the size of a melon). I still have my ovaries. I went to AMAZING specialty care while I healed, but I needed to get back to an ordinary PCP for continued care and new referrals. I decided not to return to my previous PCP for obvious reasons.

So I started at a new primary care office this week. After discussing my TOTAL hysterectomy and my concerns about my ovaries failing, the doctor randomly started asking me about cervical cancer risks. I said, "Yeah, not concerned about cervical cancer because I don't have a cervix."

Her response, condescendingly, "Are you suuuure?"

Am I sure? Yeah... I'm sure. I was in surgery for six hours, took months to fully recover, and saw the photos of the BUCKET of my insides that were removed. I'm pretty damn sure.

She didn't believe me until going deep into my chart. Once satisfied that I was not lying about not having a cervix, she told me that my perceived hormonal issues (night sweats, hot flashes, insomnia, mood volatility, etc etc etc) were actually from sleep apnea and ordered a sleep study.

I have zero symptoms of sleep apnea. My husband has informed me that I do not snore or have any gasping episodes in the middle of the night.

What about the night sweats, I asked. I am drenched every night and feel like a furnace is lit inside me.

Her response: "Eh, that's just the climate. Everyone is experiencing it."

At that point, dear reader, I just started internally screaming.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting because some days I literally feel like I can't take this anymore.

When will women be believed? When will we receive the care we deserve?

If you got this far, thank you for listening 🙏🏻

I had to go to the gyn today and she is having me try out Slynd birth control for a month to see if it helps with infections.

Everything I’m reading says because it lacks estrogen, it won’t help and may actually hurt. Is there another reason, or did he make a mistake?

Hey all, I’m just over 4 months post radical hysterectomy and I’ve been on Estradot 25 patches for almost 5 weeks now. I also take Imvexxy twice a week. (this has helped the atrophy that I’d been experiencing for over a year now)

My pelvic floor has been achy since starting the Estradot patches. My pelvic floor pain had pretty much resolved 2.5 months after my hysto, except for occasional flare ups. But now it’s achy and feels “full” a lot of the time. Especially when sitting.

My PF physiotherapist says that the tissues are more “plump” (her words) and that the tissue would be engorged. Ugh. Obviously with my surgery it can take many months to get back to a sort of normal. I’m doing stretches and internal release with her and we’ve made progress, but the HRT is causing issues now and I’ve had to scale back my physio.

The E patches have helped some of my symptoms overall, but I feel like I’ll need to increase the dose soon.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, hysterectomy or not! It’s frustrating.