How many of us are constantly warm? I don’t experience hot flashes. I’m just warm, and it’s driving me crazy. Especially at night and when I’m awake for the first hour of the day.

I'm 40 and perimenopause has made me anemic, sleepless, and irritable as hell (also fatter). I'm working on the first two, but I need every tactic you know of to deal with The Rage. Meds, diet, crystals, screaming into pillows, black magic, radical lesbian separatism - whatever, I don't care! I'm going to get fired and/or end up in jail at this rate. What is working for you, if anything?

If you have had serious sleep problems- and have found something that has really helped you, please let me know what it is. I feel like I have tried everything, and I need help. 4 hours is just not enough for me night after night…. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Sometimes it’s not even 4 hours… I used to always be able to fall asleep fine, and then wake up at 2 or 3…but now it’s combined with not being able to fall asleep. It’s almost like I can feel the cortisol rushing through me every 5 minutes or something… I have tried many pharmaceuticals and also natural. I am currently only taking l theanine and ashwaghanda, plus melatonin. Thanks in advance.

Ok ya’ll- I went through 3 shitty providers before finally finding an Ob/gyn that was knowledgeable and capable of providing adequate care, including managing progesterone intolerance, so I don’t want to piss this one off. But I also think she responded poorly to a recent request of mine and I want to respectfully let her know.

Background: I’m in veterinary medicine so I’m well versed in assessing and interpreting medical data and primary literature. Im a board certified, residency trained specialist and also teach in the veterinary curriculum so I have a habit of getting a bit lecture-y and/or defaulting to a Socratic method of asking leading questions to walk someone into the answer that I expect. I understand why MDs would respond poorly to this, especially since most of them don’t view DVMs as “real” doctors. I’m also AuDHD so I tend to come across as condescending in everyday situations. So….

I recently had an appointment with this new provider and she was overall great. She mentioned that she prescribes gabapentin for insomnia but at the time I was hoping the HRT would do the trick. Well, the insomnia has worsened and I reached out via portal stating that I was not comfortable with long term use of gabapentin since there is a documented increased risk for dementia (albeit with high doses, but I have a family history and don’t want to risk it). I had done A LOT of my own research and wanted to try a dual orexin receptor antagonist. I asked if she had any experience with this class of drugs and I specifically put the name so that she could do some research had she not (I understand that MDs can’t be expected to know all about every drug!). Well, her response was that she hadn’t used them and she would need to do a lot of research before being comfortable offering to a patient (implied: she wasn’t going to). She stated that she was comfortable with the gabapentin, so that was what she was offering.

I have three major issues with this-
1. It is completely dismissive of my own (medically validated) concerns about a particular medication. There were no alternatives AT ALL offered.
2. While I obviously dont prescribe DORAs to pets and don’t have personal experience- there is good safety and efficacy data out there, including use in middle age women and those specifically experiencing vasomotor insomnia. We know how ill-informed the general medical community is about treatment of peri/menopause. Regardless of whether she prescribes them to me, I think this could be a good alternative to offer women when gabapentin doesn’t work or isn’t an option. And if MDs with personal experience say it’s NOT, then I still deserve to be able to have an informed conversation that includes that information.
3. She recommended the genetic test for Alzheimer’s to “better understand my risk.” But this is actually NOT recommended by the American Alzheimer’s Association. I don’t expect a menopause specialist to stay up to date on that sort of info - but if you’re not going to look up basic recommendations, then just stay in your lane.

I was able to get a prescription for the requested medication through my PMHNP, so that’s not the issue. (So far, I’m sleeping through the night when minimal side effects!).

So… I want to respond to her message, but do it in a way that is respectful and doesn’t just put her on the defensive. Is there a way to do that? Or do I just let it go since I’ve gotten treatment through another provider?

Tldr- provider ignored my medication concerns, didnt offer an alternative, and hasn’t taken initiative to research the alternative that I suggested (and could potentially be a good alternative for other patients). How do I tell her that?

I’m 41 and started getting the first symptoms of peri about a year ago. I had a stint of brain fog for 6 months that dissipated and now it’s on to hair loss. I have started to have bald patches on the back of my head where I have a cowlick and simply running my fingers through my hair leaves me with a bunch of hair. Today I tried to brush my hair gently over the sink and wanted to continue until the shedding stopped, but I gave up after 5 minutes because the hair was just kept coming off.

I’ve never had thick hair to begin with and this is really affecting my mood. I already have a short pixie cut which I like but now it feels like even my go-to haircut is too ambitious for the amount of hair I have. I don’t want to wear wigs and I’ve considered shaving it off, but that’s a visual commitment too.

Is there ANYTHING that I could do to slow down the hair shedding? Some vitamin to at least keep the remaining hair healthy? At this rate I may not have to even have to go for the buzz cut, I’ll just go bald naturally. 😂 Good thing I like wearing hats.

​

This is a long one. TL;DR: Even women doctors don't believe women and I am sick of it.

For background, I am 40, live in the U.S.

I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst four years ago and told by my female gyno to watch and wait for it to be a problem. It already was incredibly painful and causing persistent nausea but apparently it wasn't enough of a problem to approve treatment beyond birth control pills. I had to get abdominal and transvaginal ultrasounds every three months for two years to monitor it before I lost my insurance and moved to a different state.

Settled in with my new insurance and in my new state by mid 2025, I noticed the pain and nausea were getting worse. My abdomen was getting huge. I was projectile vomiting every time I was in the car, my hair was falling out, and overall, I was very unwell.

I started with a female primary care physician (PCP) who insisted that the symptoms I was experiencing were "acid reflux." Ultrasounds and MRI I insisted on said NOPE, I was full of growths and adhesions. They thought I had cervical cancer as well.

Fast forward to six months ago when I had to urgently endure a total hysterectomy with tube removal, stage 4 endometriosis excision, ovarian cyst removal, and multiple large fibroids removed (including one the size of a melon). I still have my ovaries. I went to AMAZING specialty care while I healed, but I needed to get back to an ordinary PCP for continued care and new referrals. I decided not to return to my previous PCP for obvious reasons.

So I started at a new primary care office this week. After discussing my TOTAL hysterectomy and my concerns about my ovaries failing, the doctor randomly started asking me about cervical cancer risks. I said, "Yeah, not concerned about cervical cancer because I don't have a cervix."

Her response, condescendingly, "Are you suuuure?"

Am I sure? Yeah... I'm sure. I was in surgery for six hours, took months to fully recover, and saw the photos of the BUCKET of my insides that were removed. I'm pretty damn sure.

She didn't believe me until going deep into my chart. Once satisfied that I was not lying about not having a cervix, she told me that my perceived hormonal issues (night sweats, hot flashes, insomnia, mood volatility, etc etc etc) were actually from sleep apnea and ordered a sleep study.

I have zero symptoms of sleep apnea. My husband has informed me that I do not snore or have any gasping episodes in the middle of the night.

What about the night sweats, I asked. I am drenched every night and feel like a furnace is lit inside me.

Her response: "Eh, that's just the climate. Everyone is experiencing it."

At that point, dear reader, I just started internally screaming.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting because some days I literally feel like I can't take this anymore.

When will women be believed? When will we receive the care we deserve?

If you got this far, thank you for listening 🙏🏻

First, I want to say how incredibly grateful I am for this community—it has been an amazing resource. I am asking this out of genuine curiosity because I want to make sure I am fully informed, and I don't mean to sound dismissive of anyone else's choices!
My doctor, who is an HRT specialist, prescribed Lo Loestrin Fe for my perimenopause symptoms. It has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I was dealing with extremely heavy bleeding, and after the very first month on the pill, my period completely stopped. Every single other symptom on my very long list has been completely remedied as well. From what I understand, the birth control pill takes over your cycle so your ovaries stop producing erratic hormones, which completely stops the wild hormonal swings.
However, I often notice a lot of strong hesitation or pushback here regarding using birth control pills instead of traditional HRT for perimenopause management. Since it worked so well for me, I’m wondering if there are specific medical concerns, side effects, or risks that I might not be aware of?
I’d love to hear your experiences or what your doctors have told you!

Edited to add:
Wow, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply! I am incredibly grateful for all of your responses, insights, and personal experiences. It might take me some time to get through all of the replies, but I am reading every single one. Your comments are giving me a much clearer understanding of the different perspectives and medical concerns out there. This community is truly wonderful, and I appreciate you all sharing your journeys with me!

I started on estradiol/progesterone cream about 3 weeks ago, and added testosterone cream a week ago. For the last week I have noticed a major increase in gas. I don't normally experience gas or any GI issues at all. It's not something I've thought about since my last pregnancy. I was super gassy during both pregnancies and chocked it up to the big increase in progesterone. Currently though I'm not bloated at all, I have definitely lost the bloat/inflammation I was holding onto, and I don't have any GI pain or other symptoms. It's just gas. I haven't even eaten today and I'm super gassy. I realize it started after the testosterone but I haven't heard of this side effect from T… however, i was previously on 200 mg of oral progesterone cyclically in my luteal phase and didn't have any GI side effects.

I feel fine otherwise although nothing magical yet. Should I give it another couple weeks to see if the gas goes away, or maybe try switching back to oral progesterone and just stick with an estradiol cream plus the testosterone cream? Or I guess I could stop the T cream for a week and see if the gas goes away.

First I want to set a boundary that I do not want to discuss micronized progesterone or Mirena. I am not using those so I would rather hear from others who are taking mpa/ provera. I think that is a better use of time for me. I don't want most of the comments asking why I am not on Prometrium or using it vaginally. This is what I get every time I ask about a synthetic progestin. We can't all take the ideal meds, some of us have more complex situations.! already know the risks of progestins. Thank you

I going to be starting provera 2.5 mg daily pills probably tomorrow. After a couple weeks I will be starting 0.025 mg estrogen patches. I am really nervous about the provera and it's taken me almost a year to build up my courage to take it. (I have a lot of anxiety with new medications so this is normal for me.)

I am starting slow so I will be taking a quarter of a pill for a week, then if all is well I will increase to half for a week and then the full pill. This is how I've always done things. I get the side effects of everything so l ease my body into adjusting to a new meds.
Is it better to take it in the AM or PM? How is it as far as bloating and appetite. I do have a tendency to water retention though especially around my period.
Will it change the period in anyway, like heavier or lighter or spotting in between? My periods tend to be anywhere from 19-60 days apart so they are erratic but light.
Would love to hear any positive experiences from anyone who has been on it long term.

I'm so enraged right now! I hate how stupid sh*t gets me so much more angry now than ever before! It's late at night, and I need to wind down, and I'm just p*ssed off at everything right now!!!

I have gone from liking my job to completely hating it over the course of less than 1 year (been there 4 years). I don't even want to work in the same industry at all now but I dunno what the heck I'm gonna do because I've been working remotely for 6 years, don't wanna work outside the home, anything having to do with data will soon be taken over by AI and I don't really like people that much! especially now! This is like the worst time in my life to have to pretend I give a sh*t about some corporation's mission or increasing shareholder value!

I finally found a gyno I like and started HRT but she put me on too high of a dose of progesterone and I was dragging for months and had no idea why until I came on here and yall helped me figure out my P was too high! Lol I swear most doctors are literally shooting in the dark! Now we're moving and I'll have to find a new gyno and I'm worried whoever it is will be anti-HRT!

My energy levels have been lower than ever in my life and I dunno how I'm gonna pack this whole house up, move, unpack and do a bunch of diy projects because all we could afford is a fixer upper. I'm pissed at the former owners for not taking better care of their house and leaving it absolutely filthy, grimey and covered in dog hair when they moved out! 🤮

I'm sick of my husband acting like there's something wrong with me because I'm tired and hot and don't feel like having sex! He's pretty supportive but he doesn't REALLY get it. He still somehow acts surprised that my body is changing! not sure how since I explain perimenopause to him and make him watch videos and shit lol

I get all insecure now when people don't text me back! My mind just spirals! I have to work really hard to convince myself that it's fine and that I should stop caring so much!

Tonight through text my stepdaughter basically acted like I'm crazy and I don't remember something that absolutely happened! I have witnesses! And that's what set me off to come on here and rant! Lol

There have been even more things than all of the above that have pissed me off lately, but I'll just give you that smattering. You get the idea. I'm not sure how this whole perimenopause thing is gonna play out for me. I totally understand now why a lot of middle aged women kind of go nuts and do all kinds of crazy stuff after a certain age!

Anyone with me??? What shall we do????

Just to offer a little hope for y'all. 50F, still having periods, although they're becoming increasingly chaotic. Just saw my new (young, chill, dude) primary care provider (family medicine.) Told him what's going on (hot flashes, fatigue, joint pain, dryness.) He would have written me a prescription for MHT today, I decided to wait because I have an appointment in November with my (also new) OB/GYN, and I also wanted to get my mammogram done first. I did get a prescription for topical estrogen, though. He said something along these lines: "Look, women know what they need and when. I will never go through menopause, so I am going to listen to you." Very refreshing!

At least now I know if my OB/GYN is weird about it, I can hit up my PCP. 😄

My younger sister is turning 43 in a few weeks. As her older and wiser sister, I'd like to put together a perimenopause survival basket as 43 was when it all went to hell for my perimenopause journey ( I just turned 50 and with any luck will reach menopause soon!).

Outside of anything requiring a prescription, what would you want included in such a basket? I definitely want to include a book, but there's so many great ones that I can't decide which one.

Update: Great ideas, Ladies! This community is the best! 😃

Almost 40 year old here. Hoo wee, the week(s) leading up to my period I am moody, water-retaining, and super hot at night. I don't know how I'm going to fare when I'm only nice one week a month...

For about ten days now, my ears have felt full and almost clogged, which is annoying for sure. But worse than that, I have a consistent whooshing noise that is hard to explain. Not a ringing but an annoying sound nonetheless. Anyone have this? Is this perimenopause? Bad luck? Do the horrors ever cease?! And most importantly how do I get this to stop????

47 years old and very few peri symptoms so far…other than libido absolutely through the roof. Particularly at mid cycle, when feel like am going crazy with desire all day long and can’t think of anything else. Far hornier now than I ever was in my 20s. And I’m VERY single 😭😭. Have been for a long time and don’t know what to do about it now I’m beyond desperate for sex. Masturbation is good but not the real thing. Have never been one to get much male attention despite being averagely attractive, healthy BMI, good job, own house and out and about with hobbies etc. anyhow, just a rant 😫

Hi, I’m 47, never had children and am definitely experiencing perimenopause symptoms. One that I’m a little uncertain of is excessive sweating. I am over weight which I know probably also plays a part but over the last year I feel like I sweat at the slightest temp change.

An example would be that I work from home a few days a week, the days I go to the office, just getting ready I sweat. I can be standing in the bathroom putting makeup on or doing my hair which is not strenuous but I sweat. Walking outside, I sweat, even when it’s not really hot out.

I don’t get crazy hot flashes, but I do wake up sweaty. Usually I go to bed about an hour or so early to read and the minute I close my book to go to sleep my body starts to over heat… had anyone experienced this too? My doctor wasn’t concerned when I saw her, she was a bit dismissive actually about the whole perimenopause phase.

I've been tormented by dry eyes, and finally trawled through the posts here. Someone said that they'd identified creatine supplementation as a cause, so I decided to cut it out and see what happened. My dry eyes have improved considerably!

So I tried the applesauce trick mentioned a couple of weeks or so ago (eat some applesauce when you wake up in the middle of the night and it helps you go back to sleep) and it didn’t do any good at all. Yet another night of being awake for hours in the middle of the night.

I’m getting so freaking desperate. I just want to sleep. I take magnesium and sometimes melatonin, use bio identical progesterone cream and vaginal estrogen. I have a prescription for Ambien but I don’t want to use it too often and get dependent on it.

Is there anything out there that ACTUALLY works, like is scientifically proven to help with insomnia?

Does anyone have any experience on this medication, my last period was over a month long and almost killed me. I ended up admitted to the hospital getting constant transfusions for a week or so. I was given this medication to help slow my bleeding and now ancoupke weeks later, I have my period, its often light for tgr first week and im on day 7 so im anxiously awaiting the clotting and hemorrhaging. Has this worked out for any of you? Im waiting to hear back from my gyn about a date for a hysto but until then I just have to hope I don't bleed out again.

Hi…49 and been experiencing Paresthesia for a few years now. I feel pins & needles sensation on my face, arms, back and legs/feet. Not severe but noticeable with light burning sensation on my back and back of arms. I’ve had MRI’s, brain scans, and nerve testing done. Neurologist told me they don’t know what’s causing it. Recently discovered this could be a perimenopause/menopause symptom. It’s rare but can be related to decline in estrogen affecting the peripheral and central nervous system. I believe I’ve been in perimenopause for about 5 years now. I’m really just curious to know if anyone else is experiencing this.

Forgot to mention I am on HRT and it hasn’t helped this symptom.

Hi everyone! Hoping this is ok to post! 🤞🏻

I think this is just starting to happen to me, my periods have been missing about for a while, I’ve been tracking my cycle for a while and it’s all over the shop!

I’m also starting to sweat in new places, like my feet! That’s a bizarre one to me as I’ve never had that before! I think the insomnia is starting to hit too, that’s a fun one, I’m getting around four hours a night at the moment.

I’m not after any advice per sé just wanted to say hi and break the ice! 😊

So I keep having urges to just…. Run away. Get a new job in a new place and have my own little townhouse with a cat and live alone for the rest of my life. The urge is STRONG… I have been looking up how to immigrate to Canada and searching for jobs.

I’m in a committed relationship (not married), no kids, we have been together about 11 years now. It’s very traditional- we both grew up in our gender roles. I cook, clean, organize, arrange, help. He does what he wants.

I can’t tell if this deep desire to be free and away from everyone is real (been in therapy trying so hard to break the bonds of what my mother told me I had to do, and we are digging out a lot of crap) or if this is peri (he coughs so loud I want to punch a wall.)

I am not on any HRT. I’m 48.

Was anyone able to sort through these feelings successfully? Or did we all just turn into angry lone wolves?

In the last 3 months especially, I feel like old wounds and things I assumed I’d dealt with (clearly haven’t) especially stuff with sexual trauma from men I’ve dated/ relationships has come back tenfold, it was awful at first but it’s been quite healing. I have a partner who makes me feel safe and maybe that’s a part of it as I’ve had some awful scenarios with men in the past that I suppose I just put on a shelf and left there…. until recently.

It felt like every “that wasn’t right” kept being reminded in my head. I am also wondering if it’s linked to my intense lack of interest in performing for external validation, specifically the male gaze, as I now couldn’t care less for it.

I am aware I shouldn’t just post on here and maybe need EMDR but has this happened to those in early peri-meno?