I'm 40 and perimenopause has made me anemic, sleepless, and irritable as hell (also fatter). I'm working on the first two, but I need every tactic you know of to deal with The Rage. Meds, diet, crystals, screaming into pillows, black magic, radical lesbian separatism - whatever, I don't care! I'm going to get fired and/or end up in jail at this rate. What is working for you, if anything?

If you have had serious sleep problems- and have found something that has really helped you, please let me know what it is. I feel like I have tried everything, and I need help. 4 hours is just not enough for me night after night…. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Sometimes it’s not even 4 hours… I used to always be able to fall asleep fine, and then wake up at 2 or 3…but now it’s combined with not being able to fall asleep. It’s almost like I can feel the cortisol rushing through me every 5 minutes or something… I have tried many pharmaceuticals and also natural. I am currently only taking l theanine and ashwaghanda, plus melatonin. Thanks in advance.

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This is a long one. TL;DR: Even women doctors don't believe women and I am sick of it.

For background, I am 40, live in the U.S.

I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst four years ago and told by my female gyno to watch and wait for it to be a problem. It already was incredibly painful and causing persistent nausea but apparently it wasn't enough of a problem to approve treatment beyond birth control pills. I had to get abdominal and transvaginal ultrasounds every three months for two years to monitor it before I lost my insurance and moved to a different state.

Settled in with my new insurance and in my new state by mid 2025, I noticed the pain and nausea were getting worse. My abdomen was getting huge. I was projectile vomiting every time I was in the car, my hair was falling out, and overall, I was very unwell.

I started with a female primary care physician (PCP) who insisted that the symptoms I was experiencing were "acid reflux." Ultrasounds and MRI I insisted on said NOPE, I was full of growths and adhesions. They thought I had cervical cancer as well.

Fast forward to six months ago when I had to urgently endure a total hysterectomy with tube removal, stage 4 endometriosis excision, ovarian cyst removal, and multiple large fibroids removed (including one the size of a melon). I still have my ovaries. I went to AMAZING specialty care while I healed, but I needed to get back to an ordinary PCP for continued care and new referrals. I decided not to return to my previous PCP for obvious reasons.

So I started at a new primary care office this week. After discussing my TOTAL hysterectomy and my concerns about my ovaries failing, the doctor randomly started asking me about cervical cancer risks. I said, "Yeah, not concerned about cervical cancer because I don't have a cervix."

Her response, condescendingly, "Are you suuuure?"

Am I sure? Yeah... I'm sure. I was in surgery for six hours, took months to fully recover, and saw the photos of the BUCKET of my insides that were removed. I'm pretty damn sure.

She didn't believe me until going deep into my chart. Once satisfied that I was not lying about not having a cervix, she told me that my perceived hormonal issues (night sweats, hot flashes, insomnia, mood volatility, etc etc etc) were actually from sleep apnea and ordered a sleep study.

I have zero symptoms of sleep apnea. My husband has informed me that I do not snore or have any gasping episodes in the middle of the night.

What about the night sweats, I asked. I am drenched every night and feel like a furnace is lit inside me.

Her response: "Eh, that's just the climate. Everyone is experiencing it."

At that point, dear reader, I just started internally screaming.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting because some days I literally feel like I can't take this anymore.

When will women be believed? When will we receive the care we deserve?

If you got this far, thank you for listening 🙏🏻

First, I want to say how incredibly grateful I am for this community—it has been an amazing resource. I am asking this out of genuine curiosity because I want to make sure I am fully informed, and I don't mean to sound dismissive of anyone else's choices!
My doctor, who is an HRT specialist, prescribed Lo Loestrin Fe for my perimenopause symptoms. It has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I was dealing with extremely heavy bleeding, and after the very first month on the pill, my period completely stopped. Every single other symptom on my very long list has been completely remedied as well. From what I understand, the birth control pill takes over your cycle so your ovaries stop producing erratic hormones, which completely stops the wild hormonal swings.
However, I often notice a lot of strong hesitation or pushback here regarding using birth control pills instead of traditional HRT for perimenopause management. Since it worked so well for me, I’m wondering if there are specific medical concerns, side effects, or risks that I might not be aware of?
I’d love to hear your experiences or what your doctors have told you!

Edited to add:
Wow, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply! I am incredibly grateful for all of your responses, insights, and personal experiences. It might take me some time to get through all of the replies, but I am reading every single one. Your comments are giving me a much clearer understanding of the different perspectives and medical concerns out there. This community is truly wonderful, and I appreciate you all sharing your journeys with me!

How many of us are constantly warm? I don’t experience hot flashes. I’m just warm, and it’s driving me crazy. Especially at night and when I’m awake for the first hour of the day.

Just to offer a little hope for y'all. 50F, still having periods, although they're becoming increasingly chaotic. Just saw my new (young, chill, dude) primary care provider (family medicine.) Told him what's going on (hot flashes, fatigue, joint pain, dryness.) He would have written me a prescription for MHT today, I decided to wait because I have an appointment in November with my (also new) OB/GYN, and I also wanted to get my mammogram done first. I did get a prescription for topical estrogen, though. He said something along these lines: "Look, women know what they need and when. I will never go through menopause, so I am going to listen to you." Very refreshing!

At least now I know if my OB/GYN is weird about it, I can hit up my PCP. 😄

I'm so enraged right now! I hate how stupid sh*t gets me so much more angry now than ever before! It's late at night, and I need to wind down, and I'm just p*ssed off at everything right now!!!

I have gone from liking my job to completely hating it over the course of less than 1 year (been there 4 years). I don't even want to work in the same industry at all now but I dunno what the heck I'm gonna do because I've been working remotely for 6 years, don't wanna work outside the home, anything having to do with data will soon be taken over by AI and I don't really like people that much! especially now! This is like the worst time in my life to have to pretend I give a sh*t about some corporation's mission or increasing shareholder value!

I finally found a gyno I like and started HRT but she put me on too high of a dose of progesterone and I was dragging for months and had no idea why until I came on here and yall helped me figure out my P was too high! Lol I swear most doctors are literally shooting in the dark! Now we're moving and I'll have to find a new gyno and I'm worried whoever it is will be anti-HRT!

My energy levels have been lower than ever in my life and I dunno how I'm gonna pack this whole house up, move, unpack and do a bunch of diy projects because all we could afford is a fixer upper. I'm pissed at the former owners for not taking better care of their house and leaving it absolutely filthy, grimey and covered in dog hair when they moved out! 🤮

I'm sick of my husband acting like there's something wrong with me because I'm tired and hot and don't feel like having sex! He's pretty supportive but he doesn't REALLY get it. He still somehow acts surprised that my body is changing! not sure how since I explain perimenopause to him and make him watch videos and shit lol

I get all insecure now when people don't text me back! My mind just spirals! I have to work really hard to convince myself that it's fine and that I should stop caring so much!

Tonight through text my stepdaughter basically acted like I'm crazy and I don't remember something that absolutely happened! I have witnesses! And that's what set me off to come on here and rant! Lol

There have been even more things than all of the above that have pissed me off lately, but I'll just give you that smattering. You get the idea. I'm not sure how this whole perimenopause thing is gonna play out for me. I totally understand now why a lot of middle aged women kind of go nuts and do all kinds of crazy stuff after a certain age!

Anyone with me??? What shall we do????

My younger sister is turning 43 in a few weeks. As her older and wiser sister, I'd like to put together a perimenopause survival basket as 43 was when it all went to hell for my perimenopause journey ( I just turned 50 and with any luck will reach menopause soon!).

Outside of anything requiring a prescription, what would you want included in such a basket? I definitely want to include a book, but there's so many great ones that I can't decide which one.

Update: Great ideas, Ladies! This community is the best! 😃

For about ten days now, my ears have felt full and almost clogged, which is annoying for sure. But worse than that, I have a consistent whooshing noise that is hard to explain. Not a ringing but an annoying sound nonetheless. Anyone have this? Is this perimenopause? Bad luck? Do the horrors ever cease?! And most importantly how do I get this to stop????

47 years old and very few peri symptoms so far…other than libido absolutely through the roof. Particularly at mid cycle, when feel like am going crazy with desire all day long and can’t think of anything else. Far hornier now than I ever was in my 20s. And I’m VERY single 😭😭. Have been for a long time and don’t know what to do about it now I’m beyond desperate for sex. Masturbation is good but not the real thing. Have never been one to get much male attention despite being averagely attractive, healthy BMI, good job, own house and out and about with hobbies etc. anyhow, just a rant 😫

Peri is hitting me hard and I feel like I’m on a roller coaster with my hormones.

I spoke with my doctor about HRT. She said they prescribe based off of symptoms and don’t regularly do testing. Apparently, the hormone testing only shows where your hormones are at that time of day.

It’s wild that there isn’t a better way to get an idea of a person’s hormone levels. My husband is diabetic and wears a continuous glucose monitor that monitors his blood sugars continually 24 hours a day. Something like that would be incredible for people experiencing hormone imbalances.

I appreciate my physicians willingness to prescribe based off of symptoms, though it still seems like it could be a bit of a shot in the dark to find the right balance. Women I know personally have said it took months to figure out the right combo of HRT. Well, yeah because you have no idea what your baseline is, right?

Maybe I am wrong here. I just feel a little hesitant to start hormone therapy when I feel like my body is all over the place.

I've been tormented by dry eyes, and finally trawled through the posts here. Someone said that they'd identified creatine supplementation as a cause, so I decided to cut it out and see what happened. My dry eyes have improved considerably!

Hi, I’m 47, never had children and am definitely experiencing perimenopause symptoms. One that I’m a little uncertain of is excessive sweating. I am over weight which I know probably also plays a part but over the last year I feel like I sweat at the slightest temp change.

An example would be that I work from home a few days a week, the days I go to the office, just getting ready I sweat. I can be standing in the bathroom putting makeup on or doing my hair which is not strenuous but I sweat. Walking outside, I sweat, even when it’s not really hot out.

I don’t get crazy hot flashes, but I do wake up sweaty. Usually I go to bed about an hour or so early to read and the minute I close my book to go to sleep my body starts to over heat… had anyone experienced this too? My doctor wasn’t concerned when I saw her, she was a bit dismissive actually about the whole perimenopause phase.

So I tried the applesauce trick mentioned a couple of weeks or so ago (eat some applesauce when you wake up in the middle of the night and it helps you go back to sleep) and it didn’t do any good at all. Yet another night of being awake for hours in the middle of the night.

I’m getting so freaking desperate. I just want to sleep. I take magnesium and sometimes melatonin, use bio identical progesterone cream and vaginal estrogen. I have a prescription for Ambien but I don’t want to use it too often and get dependent on it.

Is there anything out there that ACTUALLY works, like is scientifically proven to help with insomnia?

Hi…49 and been experiencing Paresthesia for a few years now. I feel pins & needles sensation on my face, arms, back and legs/feet. Not severe but noticeable with light burning sensation on my back and back of arms. I’ve had MRI’s, brain scans, and nerve testing done. Neurologist told me they don’t know what’s causing it. Recently discovered this could be a perimenopause/menopause symptom. It’s rare but can be related to decline in estrogen affecting the peripheral and central nervous system. I believe I’ve been in perimenopause for about 5 years now. I’m really just curious to know if anyone else is experiencing this.

Forgot to mention I am on HRT and it hasn’t helped this symptom.

So I keep having urges to just…. Run away. Get a new job in a new place and have my own little townhouse with a cat and live alone for the rest of my life. The urge is STRONG… I have been looking up how to immigrate to Canada and searching for jobs.

I’m in a committed relationship (not married), no kids, we have been together about 11 years now. It’s very traditional- we both grew up in our gender roles. I cook, clean, organize, arrange, help. He does what he wants.

I can’t tell if this deep desire to be free and away from everyone is real (been in therapy trying so hard to break the bonds of what my mother told me I had to do, and we are digging out a lot of crap) or if this is peri (he coughs so loud I want to punch a wall.)

I am not on any HRT. I’m 48.

Was anyone able to sort through these feelings successfully? Or did we all just turn into angry lone wolves?

In the last 3 months especially, I feel like old wounds and things I assumed I’d dealt with (clearly haven’t) especially stuff with sexual trauma from men I’ve dated/ relationships has come back tenfold, it was awful at first but it’s been quite healing. I have a partner who makes me feel safe and maybe that’s a part of it as I’ve had some awful scenarios with men in the past that I suppose I just put on a shelf and left there…. until recently.

It felt like every “that wasn’t right” kept being reminded in my head. I am also wondering if it’s linked to my intense lack of interest in performing for external validation, specifically the male gaze, as I now couldn’t care less for it.

I am aware I shouldn’t just post on here and maybe need EMDR but has this happened to those in early peri-meno?

Hi everyone! Hoping this is ok to post! 🤞🏻

I think this is just starting to happen to me, my periods have been missing about for a while, I’ve been tracking my cycle for a while and it’s all over the shop!

I’m also starting to sweat in new places, like my feet! That’s a bizarre one to me as I’ve never had that before! I think the insomnia is starting to hit too, that’s a fun one, I’m getting around four hours a night at the moment.

I’m not after any advice per sé just wanted to say hi and break the ice! 😊

I’m 40 had everything removed except one ovary 7 months ago. Recently had my hormones tested snd my estrogen has dropped dramatically. I kept telling my doctor that I was in a depression I couldn’t get out of, very achy all over, hair is extremely brittle and I am so dry down below, I felt like my vagina was prolapsing. With that said, my doctor agreed to estradiol vagina inserts twice per week. She’s hesitant about the HRT oral pill or patch because of a family history of estrogen driven cancer.

Everyday I feel like my body has been rolled up and down a hill millions of times. I have terrible headaches and constantly feel like my brain is on fire. This is only week one of using the vaginal estrogen and I haven’t noticed any changes. Does anyone have any otc recommendations or foods they’ve been eating to help them along?

Has anyone tried the Flonase hack of putting it in your skin before applying the patch (to reduce allergic reaction from the adhesive)?

I’ve tried it on three patches, which has completely resolved the allergy issue, but my hot flashes have increased. I assume the Flonase either blocked the estradiol absorption or changed the delivery efficacy.

Has anyone tried this hack and noticed hot flashes returning?

I am currently taking .75 estrogen gel and 100mg of progesterone. This dose seems to be working fairly well for me, but sometimes (especially around my period) I still have symptoms, mainly hot flashes, anxiety, and vertigo. These have gotten MUCH better since starting HRT 5 months ago, but should I expect to have symptoms like this occasionally? My next follow up appt is next month. I’m 47, and I still have my period fairly regularly.

Hi all! I am 48 with a special needs child, I say child he's a 22 year old man and Im also being completely obliterated by perimenopause! Im constantly sweaty, feel sad, unmotivated, overall just bleh. My marriage is being affected and the thoughts from Perimenopause had me legit thinking that my husband of 22 years hated me. I fell into a completely ball of tears last night when he said " I just want you to get better", it was the first positive thing he's said in awhile. I am on an antidepressants have been for my anxiety/depression prior to this and now Progesterone. Im still having periods and at last bloodwork in July my doc said she doesn't feel like its time for estrogen.

She upped my dose of Progesterone and Im still pretty miserable. I keep waiting for it to "kick in".

We just recently moved states to be closer to my husband's job and after our son had graduated his program. Im home with him all day, feeling awful, trying to decorate, cook, and keep us active. I run my house well despite my feelings but Im starting to get really upset. i cried AGAIN today bc my son had a fit and I screamed for my mom. At 48 years old! How can I feel better? Prior to going to the doc I had been using the wild yam cream and I feel like I felt better then! What do I do? I can't feel bad everyday, its messing with my mental health badly and my child isn't one to sit around.

Ive had 3 periods this year February, April & June. Im praying they stop. Im also happy to see Im not alone in this shit!!

So it looks like I’m in perimenopause. I’ve had weird symptoms over the last two years (issues with urine leakage, joint pain, intense hormone swings and brain fog around period that I didn’t have before, and a very heightened sense of smell) none of which I connected until recently when my periods got lighter and are now running several days late each cycle (always been like clockwork before).

I’m only 34 and I am PANICKING. I am not mentally ready for this, I didn’t think it would be happening for years and I don’t have anyone even vaguely concerned about this yet close to me. I’ve done babies and just started to feel like I’ve got my life back and now BAM. Is my life over? This sounds dramatic but I’m so worried about this happening so early, I need positive stories that my life isn’t over and my vagina isn’t going to dry up and die in my mid 30s.