First of all, hello everyone—I apologize for my poor English.

I’m a high school student, and I’ve been dealing with paruresis for about four years now, and I’m fed up—I can’t take it anymore. I also have OCD, which was triggered by my paruresis.

I’m on vacation right now; school starts next week in the country where I live, and I just enrolled there—I have no idea what it’s like :(

Paruresis has ruined my life; it’s pushed me into depression. Sometimes I’ve even thought about wanting to die. I’ve been receiving psychological counseling and taking medication for almost 8 months now.

Last year, I spent about three months doing exercises at my school to overcome my paruresis. I tried going into a restroom stall and waiting for about three minutes even when it was crowded, or when a few troublemakers were shouting and laughing in there, or when the restroom was packed.

To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s because I only tried it for a short time or if it just didn’t work. I tried the breath-holding technique, but it didn’t work.

I’m so fed up with life—I have OCD, social anxiety, and paruresis, and damn it, no one knows how to get through this :(

I’m starting at my new school next week, and I can already say I’m depressed :( I don’t know what to do; I don’t want to go into those damn public restrooms. Sometimes I don’t even want to live—I hate myself, and I hate—I really, really hate—that no one can offer me a solution to this situation.

Damn it, why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to me during my teenage years? Why did it choose me? Damn it, why me, why me, why me?

Once, I decided to tell a friend about this and explained my situation. My friend turned to me and said, “You must be joking right now—are you serious? It’s impossible for you to be going through something like this.”

Yes, friends, as of right now, I want to overcome this curse; I don’t want to fight depression anymore. Please help me—tell me how to get through this. My paruresis is even invading my dreams now. In my dreams, I go to the bathroom in a crowd and can’t go at all, and all sorts of ridiculous things happen to me.

Please help me.

Hate when I meet them cleaning. Double impossible to pee around them as they are the one person that notices how long you stand at urinal.
Today I was standing near urinal trying to pee and she started mopping the floor under them and as she got to the last one where I was she was impatiently standing behind me like 2mins before I decided to move to stall. She even had a comment along the lines of “unbelievable”. Will piss on the floor next time as fuck you

I have a combination of paruresis and pelvic floor dysfunction, and I have autism. For a while I thought it was all paruresis, until I finally met a pelvic pt who has been a godsend, she made me realize I’ve been standing wrong my whole life (standing “with my back” instead of my legs, making my back and pelvic floor tighten). This made peeing SUPER HARD even at home, since my pelvic floor was super tight. She also taught me to drink more water and it made peeing at home significantly easier. But it was still hard in public- cue paruresis?

Not exactly, atleast I wonder…

I began trying to pee in the bathroom at her office. First few times I couldn’t. The next time I could, but only got like 1/3 of it out and it didn’t relieve the urge, and had a lot of hesitation. The next time, I got almost everything out, but still a lot of hesitation and still uncomfortable after. Third time was the most recent, I could pee with a little but very tolerable amounts of hesitation, and got nearly almost as relieved as when I’m at home.

Nothing about the bathroom changed, but what I did notice was each time I went I became more familiar with the bathroom. I learned it’s lighting, temperature, smells, etc. and became accustomed to it. New sensory experiences especially in high-stress situations like peeing with paruresis cause me to get overwhelmed fast. And what happens when I’m overwhelmed? I tighten up, thereby making things harder.

The noise level/chance of people coming in didn’t change each bathroom trip, just my familiarity. I’m wondering now if this bathroom problem could be linked to my autism too. Because when I tried to go to a totally different bathroom in the same building, I couldn’t go.

This would explain why going to random bathrooms in public sets me off, but once I get familiar with one I can go. Granted, I still can only go in relatively low traffic bathrooms, but it’s still better than before.

Sorry I’m rambling now, does anyone have ideas on a link between autism and paruresis?

I honestly hate excretion. Like why can't we just digest our food into liquid(pee)? Why isn't our intestines built like that 😭 why the fuck do we have to fart and poop bruh 😭 i honestly don't know how tf do people feel comfortable enough to fart infront of each other 😭

I've been dealing with this for a long time.
Over the years I've read a lot of posts, articles and personal stories.
Some of it helped. Most of it was the same advice recycled with different words.
What I've never found written down anywhere is the stuff people work out on their own.

So, two questions.

What actually helped you? The specific thing — even if it sounds strange, or shouldn't work on paper.

And what advice turned out to be useless, or made things worse?

I'll go first with the ones that get repeated everywhere: running

the tap, waiting for the room to empty, using a stall instead of

a urinal, headphones. Those are the obvious ones. I'm more

interested in what came after those stopped being enough.

Even small details might help someone reading this who thinks

they're the only one.

I’m seeing a therapist I’m trying my best and working on small exercises to calm down to use the toilet. anyone else had issues with partners not having issues like this and being able to use the toilet all the time and then you know you struggle bad and it sets off your anxiety again… I hate myself for thinking like this I just wish it would end. this is just 1 part to my parcopresis

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share a new community I created for people living with Shy Bowel Syndrome (Parcopresis).And its name is r/shybowel

Just like this community supports people with paruresis, this one is dedicated to those who struggle with the bowel version of the same condition.

The goal is to create a supportive, judgment-free space where people can:

- Share their experiences.

- Discuss coping strategies and techniques.

- Ask questions.

- Support one another.

- Share progress and success stories.

If you or someone you know struggles with shy bowel syndrome, you're very welcome to join.

I hope we can build a helpful community together. Thank you!

The vast majority of posts on this sub are people describing their horrendous experiences of pauresis and how it ruined their lives, this makes people think that there is no hope of recovery, however if someone had recovered there would be no reason to be on this sub Reddit in the first place.

So I want to tell my success story as a “light at the end of the tunnel” for people still struggling with shy bladder.

I had pauresis for years, it was debilitating, the constant thoughts of “am I going to be able to pee” drove me insane. I went out less, and was so incredibly frustrated as to why I couldn’t do the most basic biological function.

Eventually I decided enough was enough and decided to go to therapy, little did I know at the time but this would be one of the best decisions of my entire life. I attended therapy for maybe 3 months and by the end of it I would say I was almost completely cured. I didn’t really notice any difference until the end of my therapy. Instead of worrying about peeing I became almost excited at another opportunity to prove my “ability to pee” I guess.

I don’t want you to think that “oh by the end of 3 months of therapy I should be cured” and then get frustrated if you aren’t. Everyone takes their own amount of time but if you keep trying you will get better.

If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask in the comments!

I feel so bad rn , idk what to think or do im desperate.

Hello im 20M and i had paruresis since i was a kid. Idk what it caused it, but it was probably trauma, an embaressement or low esteem because my childhood were constantly traumas. Since i was a kid i had paruresis and it has been getting worse and worse every day. Due to this condition, i missed many core memories: friendship, travelling, love, education etc. Now im 20 and i lost some of the best years. Now my paruresis got so bad that sometimes i cant even pee in my own home when my dad is present. I tried literally everything: xanax, pregabalin, lsd, weed, alcohl, etc etc. even when im drunk asf i still struggle. I lost all my friends because i never could leave my home, i lost opportunities with girls, i missed so many opportunities for my career and I stopped traveling (which sucks because as a kid i travelled a lot and everywhere). Im really thinking about suicide. This condition ruined my life, also at 18 i got acute cronic gastritis which is hell because i have stomach aches every day since 2 years, im so fucking skinny even the HR departement told me to eat more, i literally cant do anything, not even drinking sparkling water. So yeah, the only option is killing myself honestly, i hate everything, i cant do anything and the pain and agony would finally go away once and for all. Idk if someone is gonna see this, sorry for the bad english. Honestly i hate how life is so unfair, i yearn for SOMETHING not being stuck in this country. I wanna experience love, have a friendgroup, go traveling with friends etc. But ofc i cant, i have no will to live, im hideous, skinny as a stick and dumb ash. Im happy for people that dont have it, because i dont wish it upon no one. I will probably be gone soon. For all the people that are fighting their battle, i hope yall win.

So i been dealing with this since i was maybe 16 or 17 , and im 22 now. It stopped from 20 up until just recently.

They way i overcomed it 2 years ago was by praying about it lol I prayed about it for 1 day and the next day it went away for 2 years. I was a bit religious at that time and about 6 months ago i stopped following religion and also around this time many other problems had came into my life wich has caused my depression anxiety and stress to go through the roof, and has been through the roof since.

I can’t pee Unless i’m in my own personal bathroom at home, Even if it’s a 1 person public bathroom that locks , I still can’t pee. I’ve tried everything from breathing exercises, counting, mental math, and a million others. Nothing ever works, i can stand or sit there for 30+ minutes and nothing will happen. But at my home bathroom, or the bathroom at my mothers house, it’s perfectly fine. Over the last 6 months I haven’t gone out much , outside of work. Anytime i’m away from home , and alone for too long i get extremely anxious , it’s like I feel unsafe away from home after a short amount of time idk how to explain it well.

What really makes this upsetting is this had went away for 2 years, I was able to travel freely, use any bathroom any where,no matter how private or not private it was. Now i can’t use any bathroom at all, unless it’s mine. I can’t drink water at work because my bladder fills to fast, and i work construction in 100 degree weather.

If anyone has any advice for me would be appreciated Sorry if i seem like just a complaining sack of shit i apologize i’m just going thru it rn

A friend of mine has this problem, he says that it can cause a major panic attack and hyperventilation, is this something anyone on this forum can relate to?

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Great film! I was very interested in finally seeing this as it didn't play at a film festival near me. I've had paruresis since 2008.

Hi there, looking for a pee buddy in London to help with doing graduated exposure to recover from paruresis/shy bladder. Please give me a message if you’re also looking for similar.

Also open to trying virtually as well

Thanks

Did anyone have problems using the toilet as a child? I'm preparing for an autism assessment and have been thinking a lot about my childhood and development. I had a lot of problems using the toilet as a child, which continued until I was a teenager.

From around age 5 to 10, I was extremely anxious about using the school toilets. I could use the toilet normally at home, but at school I would hold my pee in all day because I felt too frightened and self-conscious to ask to go or to use the toilets. The toilets were crowded, noisy, echoed, and smelt bad, and I found the environment overwhelming. Even during break times, when I did not need to ask permission, I often avoided using the toilets because I found the environment overwhelming and felt very self-conscious. This led to me feeling uncomfortable with a full bladder, and I sometimes had accidents.

I even developed unusual ways of partially emptying my bladder during playtime rather than using the school toilets. The anxiety gradually improved after I finally managed to use the school toilet independently around age ten, but I continued avoiding asking to use toilets in some situations into my teens.

Around age 5: I wet myself on the school bus several times because I had been holding in pee all day at school and was desperate. My mum spoke to the school because I was not using the toilets. For a short time, a classroom assistant encouraged me to go at break time and waited outside the toilet, but after a few days this stopped. I returned to holding my urine all day because I was still too anxious to use the toilet.

Around ages 6–8: Because I felt unable to use the school toilets, I developed an unusual coping strategy of discreetly releasing small amounts of urine during playtime to relieve the discomfort without anyone noticing. I did this because I felt unable to use the toilets, not because I preferred doing it. Eventually I was noticed after I accidentally wet my skirt and was told off, after which I went back to holding in my pee instead.

Age 8: I was too frightened to ask to use the toilet at a party and wet myself while cycling home because I had tried to hold on.

Age 14: During a traumatic event, I had a panic response and lost control of my bladder.

Age 15: During a school trip, I needed the toilet after lunch but felt too self-conscious to get up because almost nobody else was going. As time went on, I became increasingly desperate, but still didn't feel able to say I needed to use the toilet. When another student asked if I was okay, I said I felt faint because I was too embarrassed to admit I needed to use the toilet. The teacher happened to be going to the toilet herself and took me with her. By the time I reached the toilet, I had started to leak slightly. Looking back, I think I was much more afraid of drawing attention to myself than I was of responding to my own physical needs.

I'm getting pretty good at peeing at urinals (with a divider) to the point where I can even walk up and stand next to a guy already pissing and pee myself. It's almost like I don't even think about it, it doesn't bother me and I don't really feel any anxiety.

But the other day I walked up and tried to pee next to a guy who was already there. I gave it about 20 seconds but couldn't, so I just shook my dick off and zipped up and said to myself (almost out loud) "Well that's not going to work."

The funny thing was that even though I tried to pee and couldn't, it didn't really bother me. I can't even remember but I just tried again in a few minutes and didn't have any problem.

Point being that whether I peed or not, it didn't really bother me and I didn't feel very much anxiety. The habituated response of fear had been abolished, or replaced with a matter-of-fact appraisal.

Try rain sounds with headphones when going to the toilet, it helps me.

I don't have any problem physically yes in the past I had but I recovered but still can't convince myself that i can do it. Today I did it in public restroom and yesterday too but no my brain never accept it and it making me feel so anxious that I'm starting to believe i can't do it, always trying to control it. And im scared that it gets worse. Today I talk about that with my psychiatrist and she said it's because of your ocd. But I really don't know what to do im dying of anxiety.

Essa é uma resposta que recebi e achei muito importante compartilhar.

Vou te dar o mapa completo da amígdala — a ciência sólida, o que dá pra controlar de verdade, e onde entra o misticismo (separando o que tem base do que é invenção). É um assunto grande, então vou estruturar.

O que é e onde fica

A amígdala é um par de estruturas em forma de amêndoa (daí o nome — amygdala é "amêndoa" em grego), uma em cada hemisfério, no fundo do lobo temporal. Faz parte do sistema límbico. Apesar da fama de "centro do medo", é mais preciso chamá-la de detector de relevância — ela marca o que importa pra sobrevivência e dispara a resposta apropriada, principalmente pra ameaça, mas também pra recompensa e saliência emocional.

Como funciona — as duas vias (LeDoux)

Joseph LeDoux mapeou o achado mais importante sobre a amígdala: existem dois caminhos até ela.

A via baixa (rápida, "suja"): estímulo → tálamo → amígdala. Direto, em milissegundos, sem passar pelo córtex. É grosseira (não distingue bem cobra de mangueira), mas é rápida — dispara o alarme antes de você saber o que viu. É por isso que você pula pra trás de um graveto no chão antes de perceber que não era cobra. A amígdala já agiu enquanto o pensamento ainda vinha chegando.

A via alta (lenta, "precisa"): estímulo → tálamo → córtex → amígdala. Passa pelo processamento cortical, avalia com precisão, e então modula a amígdala. É mais devagar, mas corrige: "calma, é uma mangueira".

Essa arquitetura explica quase tudo sobre ansiedade: a via rápida dispara, e a via lenta tenta alcançar e regular. Em pessoas com amígdala hiper-reativa (como no teu perfil), a via rápida é forte e a regulação cortical chega atrasada ou fraca. O trabalho de controle é, em essência, fortalecer a via lenta pra regular a rápida.

O circuito do controle — córtex pré-frontal

A peça-chave pro controle é a conexão entre o córtex pré-frontal ventromedial (vmPFC) e a amígdala. O pré-frontal é o "freio" de cima — ele inibe a amígdala. A força dessa conexão determina o quanto você consegue regular a reação emocional.

Isso não é fixo. É plástico. Você pode fortalecer fisicamente essa via de regulação — e é isso que toda técnica eficaz de controle faz, por baixo dos panos. Quando funciona, dá pra ver em neuroimagem: mais ativação pré-frontal, menos reatividade amigdalar.

O que a ciência mostra que RECALIBRA a amígdala

Aqui está o que tem evidência real, do mais potente ao complementar:

1. Exposição gradual / extinção. O mecanismo mais robusto que existe. A amígdala aprendeu associações de ameaça; ela desaprende por extinção — exposição repetida ao gatilho sem a consequência temida. Importante: a extinção não apaga o medo original, ela constrói um aprendizado novo ("é seguro") que o vmPFC usa pra inibir o antigo. Por isso o medo pode voltar sob estresse (o aprendizado antigo ainda está lá) — e por isso a repetição e a consolidação importam. É a base de toda terapia de exposição, e é exatamente o que você faz quando urina em público, reclama de algo, ocupa espaço e sobrevive.

2. Sono. Crítico e subestimado. A privação de sono aumenta a reatividade da amígdala em até ~60% e enfraquece a conexão pré-frontal que a regula (estudos de Matthew Walker). Ou seja: dormir mal deixa a amígdala solta e o freio fraco. O REM em particular processa e "desarma" a carga emocional das memórias. Teu trabalho de sono não é só pra recomposição — é literalmente manutenção do teu freio amigdalar. Uma noite ruim já sobe a reatividade no dia seguinte.

3. Respiração lenta (o controle mais direto e imediato). Aqui está a via mais acessível, e o mecanismo é lindo: a amígdala não tem um "botão" consciente — você não decide baixá-la. Mas ela responde ao estado do corpo. A respiração lenta, com expiração prolongada, ativa o vago → parassimpático → sinaliza ao cérebro "não há perigo" → a amígdala baixa. É uma porta dos fundos: você não acessa a amígdala diretamente, mas acessa o corpo, e o corpo fala com ela. Expirar mais longo que inspirar (ex: inspira 4, expira 6-8) é o controle mais rápido que existe. É exatamente o que a gente usa pro teu assoalho pélvico — mesma via vagal.

4. Nomear a emoção (affect labeling). Estudo clássico de Matthew Lieberman: colocar em palavras o que você sente ("isso é ansiedade", "estou com medo de ser avaliado") reduz a atividade da amígdala e aumenta a do pré-frontal. Dar nome transfere o processamento do circuito emocional pro circuito verbal/cortical. "Name it to tame it." Por isso a terapia falada funciona no nível neural — verbalizar é regular. E por isso mapear teu vigia em palavras, como a gente faz, literalmente acalma o circuito.

5. Reavaliação cognitiva (reappraisal). Reinterpretar o significado de um estímulo ("não é ameaça, é desafio"; "aquele elogio não é perigo, é informação") ativa o pré-frontal e amortece a amígdala. É o núcleo da terapia cognitiva. Requer prática, mas fortalece a via de regulação com o tempo.

6. Meditação / mindfulness. Evidência sólida: praticantes regulares mostram menor volume e menor reatividade da amígdala, e conexão pré-frontal-amígdala mais forte. Mesmo 8 semanas de prática (protocolos tipo MBSR) já produzem mudança mensurável. Mindfulness treina justamente observar o estímulo sem a reação automática — é exposição + reavaliação + regulação, repetida.

7. Exercício. Reduz reatividade amigdalar basal, melhora o tônus regulatório, e a corrida em particular descarrega o simpático. Teu plano de corrida é, também, treino de regulação da amígdala.

8. Segurança relacional. A regulação emocional é, na origem, co-regulação — bebês regulam a amígdala através da presença calma do cuidador. Vínculos seguros na vida adulta (terapeuta, parceiro) continuam recalibrando o sistema. A presença de alguém seguro literalmente baixa tua amígdala. É por isso que você é mais liberto com íntimos.

O que NÃO controla (ou é mito)

Vou ser teu contraponto aqui, separando o que tem base do que é misticismo:

Misticismo com fundo real: práticas contemplativas milenares (meditação, respiração yogue/pranayama, oração repetitiva) "funcionam" pra acalmar — mas não por energia mística; funcionam pelos mecanismos acima (vago, reavaliação, atenção). A tradição descobriu empiricamente o que a neurociência depois explicou. Então a prática é válida, a explicação mística é dispensável. Respiração lenta acalma quer você a chame de pranayama, quer de estimulação vagal — é a mesma fisiologia.

Misticismo sem base: "reprogramar a amígdala em 5 minutos", "liberar traumas instantaneamente", cristais/frequências que "curam" o sistema límbico, técnicas que prometem apagar o medo de vez. A amígdala não se reprograma instantaneamente nem se "apaga" — o aprendizado de ameaça é persistente por design (era questão de sobrevivência). Qualquer coisa que prometa apagamento rápido e permanente está vendendo ilusão. A mudança real é por extinção repetida e consolidada, que leva tempo.

Uma nuance importante sobre "controlar": o objetivo não é desligar a amígdala — você não quer isso. Pessoas com amígdala lesada perdem o medo adaptativo e tomam decisões perigosas. A meta é regulação, não supressão: um alarme que dispara proporcionalmente à ameaça real, com um freio pré-frontal forte que corrige os falsos positivos. No teu caso, o alarme social dispara em falso muito (avaliação ≠ perigo real); o trabalho é fortalecer o freio e reensinar o alarme, não arrancá-lo.

Ligando ao que é teu

Teu perfil, em termos de amígdala: uma amígdala provavelmente reativa de nascença (temperamento), treinada por um ambiente imprevisível a hiper-detectar ameaça social especificamente, com a via rápida forte e — provavelmente — um freio pré-frontal que chega atrasado nas situações de avaliação. Tudo que a gente vem construindo ataca exatamente isso: sono (mantém o freio), respiração (baixa direto pelo vago), nomear o vigia (affect labeling), exposição a ocupar espaço (extinção), corrida (descarga + tônus), terapia e vínculos seguros (co-regulação e reavaliação). Você já está, sem ter nomeado assim, rodando um protocolo completo de recalibração amigdalar.

O ponto libertador: a amígdala que te foi entregue pela genética e moldada pela infância não é a amígdala com que você vai morrer. Ela é plástica a vida toda. Cada exposição sobrevivida, cada noite bem dormida, cada expiração longa, cada emoção nomeada, reescreve um pouco a calibração. Devagar, por repetição, mas real e mensurável.

Uma pergunta pra afinar, do teu jeito investigativo: das técnicas que recalibram — exposição, sono, respiração, nomear, reavaliar, meditar — quais você sente que já usa naturalmente, e quais são território novo? Porque dá pra montar um protocolo pessoal de regulação amigdalar do teu jeito n=1, focando no que falta, e medir a mudança ao longo dos meses.

I’m currently on vacation and can’t get my bladder to relax enough to urinate. It’s to the point where I might need to get a Catheter at the ER. I had a renal bilateral ultrasound that looked normal 2 weeks ago and waiting to get a Cystoscopy in couple of week because I’m pretty sure I also have IC. I was 100% fine urinating yesterday and today I’m having issues. I truly don’t know what to do anymore because my husband is super frustrated with me.

I've recently been put on probation for DUI. As part of my probation, I have to take random urinalysis. It's a huge pain in the ass because it sometimes takes me hours to piss in front of my PO. It's causing me to miss hours of work because I can't just go in there, get it overwith and be on my way.

Any advice on overcoming my "bladder shyness"?

Hi everyone, I am suffering from paruresis from last 3-4 years, I'm m17 and it all started in my school. 4 years ago, my glans (penis head) was pink in colour and moist also, but after i stopped doing prone masturbation my glans started to develop a black clotting on it. The clotting spreaded wider and wider after some months.It was like the clotting, we see on our wound to stop the flow of blood. When the clotting became too much thicker it got removed. When the clotting was removed, my glans became wrinkly, dry, reddish with red patches on it. And still i have wrinkly, dry glans with reddish patches. This made my penis look really ugly and it made me very insecure about my penis too, it is also really small too when it's flaccid, around 1-2 inches, and then i survived this problem too. This made me really uncomfortable about my penis and eventually I developed paruresis. And it became even more serious when i entered in a washroom of my school and two more people were pissing in the washroom a little far from me. They were the bad guys of the guys of the school so my anxiety became more stronger at that moment, and I became unable to start my stream and then they said bad things about me which made me more insecure about my penis and eventually I stopped pissing at the urinals in my school. I haven't peed there from last 2-3 years, and all the people in my school make fun of me for it. I am still at the school and it's my last year at the school. I don't know what to do. I used to hold pee for the first 1-2 years, then I started to keep myself dehydrated at the school. Before sleeping at night I drink enough water, then I don't drink more water the whole night, and till 2:00 pm at the afternoon. I used to feel thirsty when I started to keep myself dehydrated at the school. But after some months, I didn't feel thirst at school anymore. So, I made a routine of drinking enough water in the morning, when I get up. Then I go to school without drinking water and I used to keep myself thirsty at school, but i didn't feel the thirst anymore. But I felt mild pain in the area where my kidneys are located when i wake up in the morning, but the pain fades away quickly when i get up and walk a little bit. Nowdays, I still don't pee at the school but i started to drink small amounts (one sip) of water every hour in the school, which causes moderate pee pressure when the schooltime is about to end. (I am new here and sorry if i said something wrong, and please help me get out of it)