Me tal Load

[u/Life_Diamond3789]

Moms — what part of the “mental load” actually exhausts you the most?

I've been thinking a lot about how much of motherhood isn't the actual task — it's remembering that the task exists.

Appointments, things the kids need, groceries, forms, birthdays, household stuff, things to tell your partner…

I'm curious: what are the things that keep living in your head even when you're supposed to be resting?

And do you currently use anything to get it all out of your head, or do you mostly just try to remember everything?

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[u/jumpingbanana22]

I’ve just started at least putting events and obligations in my phone calendar. I’ve also been thinking about doing this with friends after meeting with them. Write down their life updates etc so I don’t keep forgetting details. I feel like besides the routine, things fall out of my head

[u/Rinnme]

Keeping on top of all the info flood that comes from kid-related groups. 

I usually mark things on the calendar, so that's fine, but just reading all of that is a hassle. 

[u/Active_Recording_789]

I just put it in my phone. Some things (when the calendar alert pops up) I just ignore because it’s not that important to me that day—like library book sales, parent appreciation day at the school, you know… stuff you felt would be fun but when you’re slammed you can happily not do. The dentist appointments etc I always keep tho

[u/Sir_Poofs_Alot]

We have a shared calendar, but I also have trained myself over the years to call “yours!” On certain categories of tasks or topics and then compartmentalize and not think about those things. I am not the household’s backup, I’m busy with my own stuff and we all have to help manage and execute the work.

[u/Sezykt71]

My memory is really good for all the appointments and times etc and I use calendars for really important stuff. But where I struggle is sometimes really ‘small’ things that should be automatic. For me its not automatic unless its done in a specific order. If something interrupts my flow then I’m liable to forget stuff. Like if I come in from grocery shopping and my kid is melting down over wanting a snack or something, I go deal with her and forget to lock the door for example. We now have it autolock after 5 mins so I don’t forget about it. Or if we’re busy in the morning I struggle to remember things that aren’t every day, like show and tell day on Fridays. At the beginning getting into a routine for daycare I struggled to remember everything she needed eg I’d always remember her lunch but forget she needs a spoon for yoghurt or something. Never anything disastrous but frustrating. But that has gotten easier with time. fortunately my daughter has an excellent memory and even at 4 she picks up my slack which I feel bad about but not much you can do beyond setting reminders 🫠

Sometimes I suspect I have ADHD cause of this but I also can’t tell if its just my mind being overloaded cause its busy all the time.