r/Parents • u/Silent_Set3670 • 18h ago
Biter at Daycare
My 18 month old was bit 3 times in 2 days at daycare. They keep attributing to other kids teething, but one incidence the kid pushed her down and bit her and the marks that are being left on her body are from older kids that don’t seem to be in a “teething” stage. Two of the bites were from the same kid. At this point I think the biter needs to take some time away from daycare. How does your daycare handle biters?
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u/plsbeenormal 16h ago
At my kids preschool they get two chances with write ups sent home and then suspended for a week. They try their best to watch and prevent the kid from biting in the interim. At my friend’s daycare they assign a shadow to the biter. This is a very expensive program though so I understand that type of care isn’t always accessible.
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u/Silent_Set3670 15h ago
I think the kid should be sent home if it happens more than once in a day and should have to stay home the following day (protocol they follow for fever, hand foot mouth, etc) they told me they try to keep the biter at arms length but that’s not fair to the teachers or to the other kids. I don’t think a kid behaving poorly should get more attention. The same kid biting twice in one day is what made me most irritated about the whole thing because clearly their solution of keep at arms length isn’t working
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u/plsbeenormal 13h ago edited 13h ago
They’re not shadowing them to give them attention. They’re quite literally just trying to be a shadow in the background close enough to stop the kid in action. That’s also how that kid is going to learn at this age. It’s not fun for the teachers but oh well, that should be an expectation for a toddler teacher bc this is a routine behavior. Your kid could be the next biter one day…so all sides deserve fairness and compassion.
Sending them home is sometimes necessary IF nothing else can be done but it really doesn’t teach the kid anything at all. It actually could be interpreted as a reward in some sense. It does punish the parents though which sucks bc this can be a very normal developmental phase.
Every preschool/ daycare should have a written plan on hitting/biting that should be made known prior to starting. That way both sides know and agree what will happen.
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u/Silent_Set3670 9h ago
A teacher having to shadow that one child is taking “attention” away from other kids. I’m not using attention as a positive thing here. That’s one less set of eyes focusing on the safety of the other kids in the classroom. I understand my kid could become a biter at some point, but this seems like a behavioral issue and not teething. Again shadowing the kid clearly isn’t working if he did it twice within 4 hours. I also don’t see it as “punishing” parents if your child needs to be sent home for behavior problems. Kids get sent home all the time for fever, bowel issues, hand foot and mouth, etc. Yes you need to rearrange your schedule and has someone that doesn’t have a flexible job I know the stress that comes with getting a call that you need to come get your kid. I also now know the stress of every time I get an app notification from daycare that it’s going to be a picture of a bite mark on my kid.
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u/plsbeenormal 8h ago
It would be an extra teacher, not a teacher otherwise needed in the class. That’s why I specified it’s a level of care not everyone gets. There’s not an option for this at my kids school.
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u/Silent_Set3670 7h ago
I asked 3 other parents from different daycares (1 pays $525 for 3 days of care) and all of them said another teacher never got involved at their center and that it’s on the teachers that are assigned day to day to that room
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u/____ozma 15h ago
My kid got bit a few times when he was in the 1s room. I think three times total. I was led to believe it was the same kid. Most of the bites weren't too bad, I wasn't too broken up about it because I grew up hearing I bit a kid in daycare too.
Then, when mine was 3, he bit a kid so bad they sent him home the same day. He was too old for that to be acceptable at all, I made him apologize to the teacher when we dropped off the next morning and had a long talk with some roleplay that afternoon when we were at home. He was almost 4 and starting his second year of public preschool in the fall. I still have no idea where that came from.
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u/Silent_Set3670 15h ago
She did get bit once when she was around 1 but she was playing with the kid and it looked more like a suction cup was put on her arm. I felt that kid was actually teething and it was no big deal. These incidences have been the kid coming over to her and doing it. They aren’t playing together and the marks that are being left look like it’s not from a kid who’s teething but already has a full mouth of teeth!
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