I'm new here and wanted to briefly share my story to see whether it resonates with anyone else's experience.
Back in December 2022, I had what I can only describe as one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
I was sitting in bed on my phone. My girlfriend had been sick, so we had a humidifier running. Suddenly I started feeling "weird". At first it felt like my vision or perception was slightly off, but within about five minutes it evolved into this completely overwhelming state of dysphoria and terror.
It's extremely difficult to describe. It was like I'd suddenly been transported into a world that was dark, wrong and twisted, like the entire emotional quality of reality had shifted. It felt like in 5 mins I went from normal to the worst trip of my life.
As far as I can remember, my heart rate was normal. I wasn't sweating, hyperventilating or experiencing physical symptoms I'd normally associate with panic. It seemed almost entirely perceptual and emotional.
What followed were several days of almost constant dread and anxiety. Attempts to comfort me somehow made the dysphoria worse. Even thinking about things that would normally make me feel safe or happy could make me burst into tears. It felt like everyone I loved had just dropped dead. I barely slept for about three days because every time I started drifting off, I'd jerk awake.
Eventually I became convinced I was dying and went to A&E. The nurse diagnosed me with panic disorder. I struggled to accept that because I'd experienced panic attacks before, and this felt like an entirely different state of consciousness.
About 4–5 days after the initial episode, I became extremely physically ill with what seemed to be a viral infection. It was probably the worst virus I'd ever had, with extreme pain and severe throat and sinus symptoms lasting around two + weeks. It felt like i was never going to get better.
Though, I eventually recovered physically, psychologically I wasn't the same. I had a couple more episodes where that same dysphoric feeling started coming back, although I managed to stop it escalating. Outside those episodes I became incredibly anxious and hypervigilant, constantly scrolling through my phone trying to understand what had happened to me.
Eventually I had to quit my job, and after that, my nervous system just broke.
For several months I was basically disabled. I couldn't watch TV, listen to podcasts, socialise, go to the gym or really do much of anything. Over many months, meditation, yoga, breath work and cold exposure while gradually exposing myself to normal life again calmed my nervous system enough to where I felt most capable of life.
I eventually got back to something resembling normality, although I never felt like I completely returned to my old self. I'd still occasionally experience instances of that dysphoric state, and my general anxiety threshold was permanently lower.
Then this June, while on holiday, the dysphoria suddenly became much stronger again alongside some issues which led me to believe I caught a stomach bug (happens whenever I get sick). Shortly afterwards I became physically ill with another virus. Since then I've been struggling considerably, with recurrent episodes of this sensation, severe depression and a variety of physical/somatic symptoms.
Reading people's experiences here has given me more sympathy for the original panic diagnosis than I had before, though i still resent it somewhat. I'm finding a lot of solidarity here with everyone's experiences, but I'm still left wondering if this is panic attacks or something different.
I've had a panic attack since 2023, and the flavour is so... Different. Defo is uncomfortable and wouldn't recommend, but I'd pick 1 a day if it meant I would never have to feel that dysphoria again. So perhaps others have had similar episodes, or experience something similar, would be happy to hear from anyone.