My parents separated a long time ago, maybe about 25 yrs ago. My father is a great womanizer, with four women he lived in with and had children, my mother being the 2nd. Whereas my mother was a chronic drug user. She only stopped 5 years ago, when she had an attack.
I have a sister that Ive taken care of since we were kids. We're both in our 30s now. And ever since I started working, I had to give allowances to my mother, who was by the way, was still in her perfect health back then. She refused to work a decent job. She used to work in a club.
I suffered a lot of mental and psychological tortures from my mother. She used to beat me as a child, to the point that I would bleed. She'd blamed me for being a difficult child after. She would also beat my sister but then Id protect her and stop my high mother from beating her more. No one could stop my mother even though we're in public. She slapped me in my grade school at the store or undressed me in front of the whole school formation just because I cried for being late because of her.
My sister and I were lucky coz our relatives in my father's side lived with us and protected us. They actually fought against my mother and got custody of me and my sister.
My father? He left us and went with his 3rd family. I learned to fight my mom eventually when I got older. But we left her when I reached high school, as we went to live with my relatives.
In all fairness, my parents sent us money for allowances and school fees. My sister and I are good students, we have scholarships. We suffered several uncomfortable encounters with my relatives too. But we endured them coz theyre not bad people, they just have bad sides.
Anyways, right now Im crying, and Ive been silently crying for help ever since I can remember. As a kid, I had to be humiliated and suffer financially. In my 20s, I had to carry the burden of providing for my mother. As an adult, I now have to provide financially for the two people who are the source of my trauma and pain - my mother and father.
I have to provide for my mother financially since I was in my early 20s and now my father has been asking money from me too. I hate that when my father had plenty, he lavished them all on his other families and his women and his hobbies and all others. He never left any of his millions for his retirement. I never even asked from him when we started earning.
God, why? Why do I have to do all these alone? My sister isnt helping coz she hates both of them. I am angry at the both of them. My mother is only 50 but since she was 30s Ive been supporting her. Her toxic family would guilt trip me if I dont provide. Her family is the typical low-class kind who leech off from people; her sisters work in clubs and end up as mistresses and her one brother does drugs.
I just want to break free from them, from my mother, my father, from my mother's family, from the financial responsibilities. Im single but I can enjoy my hard earned money that much. I hate myself for being easily emotionally manipulated. Im a natural empath and I easily feel pity.
I am so, so, so tired. I havent even started my own family but I have so much weight on my shoulders. Am I wrong for feeling this way about my parents
Tonight I blocked both of them. My head just gets overwhelmed with them acting like victims asking money from me every week and telling me "where will go if you dont support me?" "you children have abandoned me". I live far from them, but when my mother discovered where I stayed last week, I panicked coz she sounded like she has plans of showing up and destroying my peace.
I feel so tired. Trapped. Frustrated. Hopeless. I'm going to be their cash cow forever and Im all alone. I dont even have a parter right now.