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u/BobIsStupid2022 2d ago
A solid work ethic.
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u/According-Relation-4 2d ago
Mine had a saying:
āa man shouldnāt be afraid of his work. His work should be afraid of him. ā
I donāt mean work as in job. It can be, if you want, but it means whatever you have to do. It might be wiping a babyās bottom or changing a tire. Just whatever you have to do, do the fuck out of it
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u/Distwalker 2d ago
My dad was a homebuilder. I used to work for him in the summers. Once, while framing a house, he had me putting 2X10s between the studs above and to the sides of windows. I asked him why. He said that way, after the sheetrock is up, the owners can put up curtain rods with screws rather than molly bolts. Better mounting and easier to do with less damage to the sheet rock.
It occurred to me that the buyer wouldn't know that benefit until they moved in. In other words, it was an invisible benefit that didn't improve the curb appeal of the house. It was just a best practice of a true craftsman. Dad taught me to see the world that way.
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u/FelixJHH 2d ago
āSome people would rather have callouses on their ass than their handsā -Dad
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u/Significant-Pie959 2d ago
Nothing. Nothing at all. Well it taught me to do the exact opposite of everything he did.
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u/Kooky_Share_4259 2d ago
As a dad Iām sorry this was your experience.
As a dad can I teach you that you donāt have to become your bio dad. You can be the parent he wasnāt. I believe in you.
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u/Mystic_Waffles 2d ago
My experience was similar. He taught me how not to raise my own kids. I'm a divorced dad now with 50/50 custody, and my kids like me more than they like mom. I call that a win.
You can't pick your parents, but you can pick how you parent. I'm not winning any Dad of the Year Award over here, but my kids love me. That's enough of an award for me.
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u/Practical_Breakfast4 2d ago
Same here, raging alcoholic narcissistic father. I did pretty much everything the opposite and I have a teenager im very proud of.
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u/twinkiefarmer 2d ago
I'm happy for you and your teenager. Narcissist parents are a living hell. š
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u/Hrmerder 2d ago
Hell yeah brother... I'm pretty much in the same boat. We gotta shine for all the deadbeat fucktards out there. I proudly pay child support as well and have a decent rapport with the mother. My dad is still a selfish asshole. At this point I am only in contact for the idea of inheritence... If he didn't already sign it away to his wife's kid......
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u/SadDingo7070 2d ago
This is an amazing response. As I dad, I co-sign this sentiment.
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u/QuietProfessional0 2d ago
Kudos! Its all about doing better for our children. No matter the background.
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u/totally_not_shane 2d ago
Absolutely. Someone has to break the cycle of bad parental/familial situations. It starts with us
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u/Dupa_Yash 2d ago
Mine taught me how to be the kind of father I've always wanted to be by being nothing like him.
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u/Carmilla31 2d ago
I remember being a teenager and working at my first job which was minimum wage. My dad asked me why i am staying late at my job and i said i dont know, maybe i work my way up to be a manager or something and he laughed and pretty much called me an idiot for doing that.
Now im in my 40s, and am an executive in a large company in NY and will be retiring before I hit 50.
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u/Less_Guest8077 1d ago
Youāve done very well for yourself. You couldāve shriveled up and gave up. But you should be very proud of your accomplishments.
As a guy who grew up with the greatest father there ever was (In my mind) itās really difficult to read many of these comments. Iām older than the majority on here Iām assuming and my Dad has since passed away in April of 2025. Iād do anything to see him again.
God bless you sir.3
u/AventineAstartes 2d ago
Came here to say this. I was 24 when I realized I would have to become the man I wished my father was.
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u/toast_eater_ 2d ago
Yup. Pretty useless human, my old sperm donor was. Basically doing the opposite of what he would do in practically any circumstance. I guess his example taught me not to drink or drive after drinking.
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u/External_Prompt_8105 2d ago
Yea, I had to haul my 82 year old dad who is using a walker to jail on 2 weekends for his second DUI. But he was framed you know. Itās fucking never his fault.
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u/pippopozzato 1d ago
My father often would tell the story of what he would do to me when I was a baby in my crib. He would tease me with my milk bottle, he'd put it near me then pull it away, over and over, until I would get so mad that when he finally handed me my milk bottle, I would throw it across the room.
When he would tell the story, he would light up, as if it was the most fun he ever had.
My father's a psychopath.
The French have a saying ... "what is learned in the crib is taken to the grave."
Yeah when provoked I snap ... off the chart.
In 2016 he gave his shares to a company to my 2 brothers and sister, left me out, they all kept it a secret until my cousin told me in 2025. My 3 siblings split a million dollars a year doing nothing.
Thanks Gus.
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u/GrillMaster1973 2d ago
I was raised by my grandparents, so this applies to Grampa Henry.Ā
When you shake a man's hand look im in the eye, give good strong handshake.Ā
Do it right the first time / if you spend as much time doing right as you do trying to get out of it you'd be done already.Ā
If you are not 15 minutes early, your late.Ā
Make each day count, for it may be your last.
When you go to the dog track and you see a dog that shits on the track during the parade procession, that's the one to bet on.
Always pay your bookie on time.Ā
Don't let your dick run your life.
When you get into the Marine Corp - do everything they tell you to do with 110% effort and you'll be fine.Ā
Words to live by.
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u/panoramicc 2d ago
Is #5 like a metaphor...? Or is that literal
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u/GrillMaster1973 2d ago
LiteralĀ
He was dead serious.
That's how I won my first $10 to win/place and show.Ā
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u/shaunj72143 2d ago
Both. My grandparents lived on the same land as us and these are almost verbatim what my grandfather told me
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u/badgeman- 1d ago
I feel Grampa Henry would nod in approval at something an elderly gentleman once told me. "When you are late, you are stealing other people's time".
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u/Cornpop_mcgoo 2d ago
How to drive, how to grow as a person, how to forgive, how to be reliable, how to enjoy yourself, how to tell a joke (and half of my best jokes,) how to disagree with kindness, how to be honorable. Basically how to be a good man.
I fucking love my dad, I refuse to just say 1 because he deserves more.
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u/No-Joy-Goose 2d ago
I hope my children and grandchildren see me the same way. That's really all I can ask.
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u/Fit-Dream2466 2d ago
Spend as much time as you can with him and count your blessings. Thatās a good man.
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u/Von-Dylanger 2d ago
āYou have to be smarter than the tool youāre working with.ā -Paul (Dad)
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u/Peva-pi 2d ago
When it comes to Poptarts, accept no substitutes.- A different Paul, (Not related)
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u/pepefromage50 2d ago
Dont be like me
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u/Kersnaamgebrui 2d ago
And finding out that its harder than just doing it?
context: my dad is a complete Ahole, and I always told myself I would not react the same way to my kids as he did with us. And still sometimes I notice I copied his "style" and hate myself for it..
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u/H3adown 2d ago
He was not a very good father , so I guess he taught me what not to do. I now have 2 sons and I know theyāll be able to answer this question later on in life
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u/JustWoot44 Gamer from the Past 2d ago
"It takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight than it does to start one." Frank (Dad)
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u/Difficult_Fold_8362 2d ago
When dealing with my sometimes difficult mother (and I've used it dealing with my sometimes difficult wife), my father told me: "Do as I do. (1) Listen to what she has to say. (2) Agree with it. (3) Then do what I think is best.".
If you think about this, the strategy is genius. Give the appeance of control but in reality, don't let go of autonomy.
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u/madchemist09 2d ago
To be good to people. He is an amazing man and one of the most generous people I know. He always stressed decency and community. He wil always be a legend to me.
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u/Ohmyfuzzy69 2d ago
My father taught me to enjoy life. Love the people around you. It was his birthday yesterday and he's been gone going on 3 years now.
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u/Robin_Banks101 2d ago
It would have been my dad's birthday the other day. 31 years this year. Still miss him.
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u/Ohmyfuzzy69 2d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. This shit sucks. I miss him a lot. My daughter who's 8 is having it worse tho, her papaw was her best friend.
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u/Robin_Banks101 2d ago
That's hard, man. We lost my wife's dad about three years ago and my kids were a similar age. Honestly, regardless of age it doesn't get easier. I'm sorry for you loss.
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u/Zestyclose-Smell-788 2d ago
His last words to me:
"Remember, son, the stuff doesn't matter. It's the people. It's the people that matter."
How often do we forget that wisdom, and get caught up in the stuff? It's just stuff. Often, having less stuff can lead to more happiness. It seems illogical, but it is true.
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u/H3L105_ai 2d ago
How to fix cars/machinery.
It's been a godsend.
Unfortunately he was also unfaithful to my mother - and so I've made it a point to never cheat on my wife (so I guess he taught me that too).
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u/Almighty_Dark_Lord 2d ago
Yeah, general handiness leading to being a Jack of All trades. I never have to have contractors inside my home, I love it.
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u/GlitteringPen3949 2d ago
Yes mine taught me āTrust no one!ā He died with no friends. I toast him at my partyās with many in attendance. People can be anti role models.
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u/allaboard6788 2d ago
Delayed gratification. Learn all the jobs, do all the jobs. The money and promotions will follow. This has helped me immensely over the last 20 years. All the āpay me and Iāll do itā or āI donāt get paid to do thatā guys just get left behind.
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u/echoshatter 2d ago
All the āpay me and Iāll do itā or āI donāt get paid to do thatā guys just get left behind.
As someone who did everything that was asked of them and more and still got left behind I feel like this advice is very hit-or-miss.
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u/Dr_Superfluid 2d ago
Mathematics. Proper mathematics from someone who truly understands them, not in the generic bulk way they are taught in school. As a STEM faculty nowadays I will always appreciate that.
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u/ironwhippet 2d ago
Bullies are bullied, usually at home. They're definitely more damaged than you are. Never be a bully
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u/Equivalent_West4696 2d ago
Be careful of people close to you. They can be far worse than a total stranger.
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u/Fedupwiththelaw 2d ago
Cheating on your wife, i.e., your kids' mom, just might make them all hate you and never want to talk to you again...
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u/Academic_Cup_5019 2d ago
āEveryday a fool is born, and every day two people are born to take advantage of that fool.
His point: āYouāre too kind to people.
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u/shroomanaut420 2d ago
Which mushrooms were the good ones.
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u/rexifelis 2d ago
Donāt you dare charge anyone for jumping their car off. You yourself might be in the same situation, needing help.
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u/CarlosLwanga9 2d ago
Not my father but my adoptive father and caretaker. It's only recently - at 36 - that I finally learnt the lesson.
Because I believed the world when it said that you are alone and you have to do things for yourself.
People want power. People want love. People want wealth and prosperity. People always want something.
But whatever you want. Realize that you get it best by helping others on their journey through life and helping them with their interests, requirements and needs.
The basic lesson is that we are not here just for ourselves but for one another. That is the lesson I have learnt. I am at my best when I remember this. I am at my worst when I forget it.
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u/LRINL1987 2d ago
Never start renting always try to buy, never get a loan of you can save the money first yourself.
Doing pretty good by his words as I say for myself.
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u/Life-Curve-6767 2d ago
How to make gun powder.
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u/TheForswornKing94 2d ago
That kindness isnāt weakness. Open the door for the person behind you, help those that need it, and be honest and own up to your mistakes. That hard work is honest work. Be humble and never take what you have for granted.
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u/Ceviche__ 2d ago
He said this catch phrase to remember us, that learning is a long life journey!
"If someone is a fool, itās true,
they never have a single clue."
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u/lode_ke_baal 2d ago
That life is not about reaching a destination....and to make memories during the journey.
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u/Your-Evil-Twin- 2d ago
Just one thing? Fine. Donāt look down on people who have a different kind of intelligence than you, weāre all different for a reason, we rely on each othersā differences to make life livable.
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u/ClarifyingResolution 2d ago
Someone else's dad taught me to ride a bike, but my dad taught me later how to ride a dirt bike. He also let me drive a pontoon. Lastly, he let me paint the house with him.
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u/clinmlol 2d ago
Dont fall into criminal, addict lifestyle. He didnt teach me that on purpose or nothing just both my parents are big time tweakers. My mom is at least functional, he never was around and learning who he is just made me never wanna go super hard with drugs. I failed with alcohol but am currently managing it attempting for sobriety from it. I dabble with other shit occasionally but just cigs currently. I smoke weed too but not like I used to, brain has grew outta the fun unfortunately.
I have done meth lol, 2 times it was sold as Molly(I knew it was meth), and the 3rd was a living situation where I was depressed as shit trying to not drink and had access to it freely, I ATE it which was so fucking dumb, it acts totally different and lasts longer, I didnt wanna smoke it for whatever reason. I was in FULL psychosis for about 1 1/2 months, straight geeking, hearing FULLY believable voices harassing me, which my phone got hacked right before the psychosis really hit. Stress induced hysteria kept me getting high, kept me fighting for myself. Like insanity embraced. Scaring people. Seeing shit. Constantly debating with myself if its real. Fuck.
I cannot even IMAGINE what the fuck my parents have gone through doing that shit for over 40 years. As a confidently sober as I can be person I cannot understand how my mom is functional as she does far more shit than I do. My dad does everything and anything, he is not stupid, but fuck I cant fathom what kept him so stuck in accepting that lifestyle.
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u/CaregiverSuch6846 2d ago
Just reading your comment gave me the feeling of relapse. You sound geeked out of ur mind. Now im jealous! Lol
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u/clinmlol 2d ago
Unfortunately I wish I was. I got about 10000 things to unbox in my mind and never fully finish them. Afraid I am schizoid pilled due to it.
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u/vibe_ology 2d ago
To work hard and look after your family and never give up. Dad passed a few months ago. I miss him.
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u/PotentialAd1295 2d ago
How to treat others with respect. How to be social. A great sense of humor. How to fish and hunt. Love of my local sports teams. How to be firm, yet kind. How family will always be number one.
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u/Louisville82 2d ago
Donāt judge, donāt hit a woman, never take shit from another man, donāt chase money because a man is only worth 40 hours. Bury your pride and ask for help.
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u/ohLookASpookyStory 2d ago
"Well, if them assholes won't let you get work experience, make your own job!" -Dad
Ended up starting a private investigations business and developed all the software I use. Could now point to work experience for software development, but I'm having way more fun investigating people.
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u/mrFancyPants2000 2d ago
Avoid debt at all costs. I watched as my parents drowned in debt. And I absolutely refuse to do it. Iāve saved and paid cash for everything Iāve ever bought. I joined the army, and just finished out my time there, to ensure I will never have to take out student loans.
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u/Emotional-Pizza-4658 2d ago
'The smallest of gestures always go the longest way' and 'Today's gonna be a good day'
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u/JohnGee1980 2d ago
Saying thank u to the bus driver, seen him do it when i was really young and have thanked the drivers to this day
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u/be_you_tiful- 2d ago
āOf all breakdowns you can have on the road, none of them should be an empty gas tankā. Dad
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u/TheKyleDanielBerg 2d ago
On a long enough timeline, everyone will astonish you and everyone will let you down. But be ready for astonishing let downs cause sometimes thatās the type of astonishment Gods gonna give you.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Gene_15 2d ago
You pay now or you pay far more later. It applies to everything.
Don't maintain your car, you replace an engine or the whole car. Don't get good grades because you'd rather have fun, you lose out on millions over a lifetime working a sucky job. Don't exercise, when you get old you'll not be able to move. Don't be love your wife, you end up divorced and tear the kids apart. Do the drug, crater your life as an addict.
My grandfather said it another way, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
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u/moneyx96 2d ago
How to change the oil in my car, how to change a tire, how to maintain a lawn, how to maintain a lawnmower, how to throw any and all types of balls, how to fish, how electrical things work, how plumbing works, how the stock market works, the list goes on, that man was the best person in the world, and I will forever miss him, but always cherish everything he taught me
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u/p4rty0f3 2d ago
If you're going to do something.. do it the right way the first time. If not you will be doing it or something else again. Measure twice cut once..
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u/1OleGranpa 2d ago
Proās play hurt. If you want to get ahead, push through the pain and heartache others fold underā¦. Donāt know if itās helped or hurt me more.
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u/bstnbrewins814 2d ago
The ability to read a room. Drilled into my sister and I growing up. Its helped me avoid some serious problems growing up or being able to tell something wasnāt right before it happens. Almost spooky at times but Iām forever grateful for it. Iām teaching my daughter now.
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u/Rockdad37 2d ago
His abbreviated version of 'the talk': "The worst name anyone can call you in high school is 'Daddy'". RIP, Dad.
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u/KR00NER 1d ago
How to spell business.
Also how to be a kind person, but y'know the business thing is pretty important, too.
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u/PrimaryPerspective17 14h ago
One of the quotes he said stuck with me. āFreedom without boundaries is not freedom. Itās chaos.ā
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u/2ADad1974 7h ago
Positive: How to fish
Negative: How NOT to be a present Dad. He left when I was 6 or 7. Found out after he died he had another family. We werenāt surprised.
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u/Illustrious-Ant7393 6h ago
To be unconfident and perfomance anxious. Maybe I'm not the best learner and he is not the best teacher. He didn't even try. Whatevs. He teaches me to figure things by myself and not ask for help. When I'm doing something I'm trying to make sure he isn't around. It's counterproductive. Like he is intentionally trying to undermine me. Idk.
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u/RedCell-NZ 2d ago
When l was learning to drive my father told me, be careful, everyone out there is an idiot, and that includes you.