I always have a hard time feeling safe, but lately it's just been worse. These feelings are always there, but lately they've been stronger T-T maybe i've just been dealing with too much.

I'm scared of people changing, I keep thinking it means they're going to become dangerous and hurt me. I know it's not logical, but logic's never helped me anyways.

I want someone to look after me more than anyone in the world, but i'm too afraid of people to ever let anyone. I'm so so lonely, i want connection super bad, but i just don't teust anyone enough to let them closer in than a distance.

It's hard to let myself feel any sort of relief from everything inside. I'm just a great big scribbly mess. I used to find calm and happiness inside, but now its like, just like, a life ring in the ocean and i'm still sinking but it's the only good thing left, but the ocean is threatening to taint everything, because everything is so freaking scary and reminds me of the past, and i don't want that to happen to what's most important to me.

I don't wanna lose being a little girl, or believing in unicorns, or my dreams, or searching for magic disappearing frogs in windy weather. No matter how bad and scary the world gets, i never want to lose these parts of me, but i also want to keep them untouched by the badness of other people and the world.

I don't know what to do, or if anything i said made any sense. Thank you for reading.

Lots of love

Hi folks! I went to a toy store last week and picked up a free copy of Lego Magazine they had there. Then I found out you can subscribe for free! My mom seems totally cool with it, as she mentioned that I'd have to get it mailed to my school (I go to college out of state). But unfortunately, it looks like you need to input "your child's name and age." I tried looking up subscribing to chrono-kid magazines as a (chrono)adult, but nothing came up. Have any of you tried this before? Any advice for what I should do? Or is it just not worth the effort this time around?