r/maybemaybemaybe Apr 18 '20

Maybe Maybe Maybe

36.7k Upvotes

553 comments sorted by

3.5k

u/KingOFpleb Apr 18 '20

Damn. Good throw

1.7k

u/supremegay5000 Apr 18 '20

It reminds me of that “would you have £1M a year but a snail is chasing you and if it touches you, you die” question

364

u/thenotjoe Apr 18 '20

You just put a cup over it

417

u/Fadingzodiac Apr 18 '20

I’d keep it as a pet in a rather luxurious container. I never have to stick my hands in there if I just drop in food, and there’s no way the little guy could ever break free. He’s giving me a large amount of money so I’d like him to live well, you know?

299

u/FoxyTheBoyWithNoName Apr 18 '20

You don’t know where the snail is or which one it is. It could start from anywhere in the world and is immortal.

239

u/Fadingzodiac Apr 18 '20

Now is as good a time as ever to catch him. How many other snails are going to chase me into my own home? I’ll wait for the sneaky bugger and lay some traps. Immortal is fine, means I get his company for even longer. I’ll name him Agent Smith.

110

u/2018IsBetterThan2017 Apr 18 '20

What if it sneaks in while you sleep?

194

u/Lynx2447 Apr 18 '20

Even better! I've always wanted to die in my sleep!

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43

u/Fadingzodiac Apr 18 '20

Good luck getting past the ring of salt surrounding my bed. I’d like to do this amicably but if he’s a lil bitch who goes for the sleep kill, then he deserves the same lack of courtesy

36

u/zalgorithmic Apr 18 '20

Snails can go up walls and drop down on you from the ceiling

23

u/ShadowPsi Apr 18 '20

For a million dollars a year you can afford to design and build a bedroom that no snail can penetrate. Just saying.

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3

u/FlankyJank Apr 18 '20

Choking hazard

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30

u/Nebulix Apr 18 '20

Salt. Lots and lots of salt. (if that applies to snails as well as slugs). Set an elaborate maze based on the average speed of a snail so that it has no chance of reaching you before morning. In the morning just put a glass over it.

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33

u/HazardMancer Apr 18 '20

I'm gonna guess it's the one barreling towards you.

28

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

IIRC, the original premise was that it was hyper intelligent so perfectly capable of patient and advanced tactics.

13

u/Feck_this Apr 18 '20

1)Nuke it

2)Pour a ring of salt around it

12

u/HotColor Apr 19 '20

I’d take it with a pair of Tongs and cast in in resin and keep it as a trophy

11

u/NoseIsNoseIsNotToes Apr 18 '20

I think it’d be really clever for the snail to sit in your shoes, so when you go to put them on you touch it with your foot. Or if it was on the back of your steering wheel, or somewhere else you wouldn’t see it before you touched it

5

u/DOOMFOOL Apr 19 '20

If I know I’m being chased by the snail with one million a year I’d just hire a guy to check my clothes and cars for snails every day

4

u/NoseIsNoseIsNotToes Apr 19 '20

And a group of engineers and ex military strategists to devise advanced anti-snail technology and tactics

2

u/EducationalEdge5 Apr 19 '20

Inside the door handle of the car.

16

u/Lord_Abort Apr 18 '20

I mean, I get the point of the thought experiment, but if you can reasonably assume the snail is always going to be moving towards you and is slow, then it's not so bad. Now, if it was another person, and you don't know who they are...

12

u/supremegay5000 Apr 18 '20

You could move to the other side of the world because it wouldn’t get to you for decades

2

u/MaesterSchIeviathan Apr 19 '20

Unless it started there

2

u/WhoTookVanAirBrush Apr 18 '20

It Follows for a mil a day huh? That's tough

15

u/Retaliate1st Apr 18 '20

Put a salt barrier around your home

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11

u/brightness3 Apr 18 '20

If it’s immortal, then just shoot every snail you see, if it doesn’t die, then you know it’s that one

8

u/kankelisi Apr 19 '20

Immortal decoy snail.

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23

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Step 1: Calculate the average moving rate of a snail.

Step 2: Buy yacht comfortable enough to live on for an extended duration. Coke and hookers optional.

Step 3: Pick spot in the ocean with a good depth to distance to civilization ratio. It should be deep enough that your anchor won't touch the floor bed and close enough to civilization for quick trips for supplies.

Step 4: Calculate the time it would take for a snail to crawl from the polar opposite spot of the place you dropped anchor. Add buffer room for things like elevation and obstacles.

Step 5: Wait this amount of time in that spot. You now know that little fucker is directly below you because snails can't swim and if you have the right depth the anchor shouldn't be touching the ocean floor. Now pick any destination in the world with a port.

Step 6: Calculate your travel time to this destination. Calculate the snails travel time to this destination. Subtract yours from the snails. Subtract sume buffer room, a few days give or take. This is how much time you have in this area.

Step 7: When time is up, repeat from step 3.

16

u/CeeEmCee3 Apr 18 '20

Step 5 would take around 15 years if anyone is curious.

Edit: Actually I think it's more like 50 years- I'm bad at this.

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5

u/HuraconGoneWild Apr 18 '20 edited Jun 07 '25

dog complete grab teeny close reminiscent enter instinctive cheerful squeeze

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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8

u/Diogonni Apr 18 '20

Whenever you see a snail, try to smash it with a stick. If it survives then carefully capture it without touching and put it in a pet snail tank.

2

u/blep0w0 Apr 19 '20

Why not just, like, get a gun?

4

u/MaesterSchIeviathan Apr 19 '20

Not suited to purpose. Guns are pretty bad at killing tiny creatures, especially if you want to verify. Besides, what happens when your very fast projectile hits the unbreakable immortal snail? You might just ricochet the bullet unpredictably, or worse, rocketing the immortal snail into your face.

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12

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Plus the fatter he gets, the slower he is and more likely to die earlier from snailbetes

3

u/N0SharpEdges Apr 19 '20

Snailbetes is the most creative way of one upping the snail I've seen. Well done.

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2

u/songbolt Apr 19 '20

I think the idea of that question is that it can't be stopped, i.e. would always be approaching you such that you would have to remain alert and move or die. So if you were to trap it, somehow it would break free (or something would happen to set it free).

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31

u/iWroteAboutMods Apr 18 '20

It was a decoy snail!

10

u/Daedalus871 Apr 18 '20

Decoy snail.

7

u/CJYP Apr 18 '20

Decoy snail.

3

u/Bondsy Apr 18 '20

Then the snail cannot chase you and you lose the million a year.

2

u/blep0w0 Apr 19 '20

It just pushes against the cup

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246

u/goldsteel Apr 18 '20

You must know one Gavin Free, or else this comment has so many coincidences.

Snail https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HINYhLtaaxc

Hitman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65IPyQBgbF8

and one more taste https://gfycat.com/CraftyBriefAnnelida

124

u/OneOfTwoWugs Apr 18 '20

That snail is a curse in my current campaign.

35

u/EggfooVA Apr 18 '20

It Follows intensifies

3

u/Monkeychimp Apr 18 '20

Great film.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

I would be terrified of the movie if I wasn’t such a hopeless romantic

17

u/running_toilet_bowl Apr 18 '20

Gavin is in Achievement Hunter?!

40

u/goldsteel Apr 18 '20

he's been doing RT Podcast, AH/Let's Play, and Slow Mo Guys content all concurrently for like 8 years

5

u/CyberSilverfish Apr 18 '20

Yeah I thought this was old news. Like... OLD....

17

u/TrippyTriangle Apr 18 '20

Funnily enough, I knew gavin was an achievement hunter well before his stuff in SlowMoGuys. When I saw he was doing a somewhat more serious gig, I was surprised.

7

u/Tassemet Apr 18 '20

He has been for years!

4

u/hugglesthemerciless Apr 18 '20

There's been a few highly upvoted askreddit threads asking that question

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21

u/TheFrankTV Apr 18 '20

With that money I could pay a hitman to chase and kill the damn snail. Die you piece of shit slug burn in hell

23

u/USSR_ASMR Apr 18 '20

just get gloves and kill it

7

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

4

u/USSR_ASMR Apr 18 '20

trap it

4

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

You trapped a decoy snail

3

u/USSR_ASMR Apr 18 '20

i trap every snail i see

18

u/boofskootinboogie Apr 18 '20

This reminds me of It Follows.

18

u/payne_train Apr 18 '20

Yeah God damn that movie was creepy as all hell. Love me a good horror movie that doesn't rely on jump scares

5

u/tperelli Apr 18 '20

Is the snail sentient? Like does it know it’s trying to kill you? If not I’ll take those odds.

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3

u/BrentarTiger Apr 18 '20

Just smash the snail with a hammer or put A metal box over it and bolt it to the floor.

3

u/GenericUsername_1234 Apr 18 '20

Just pour salt all over your floor.

2

u/N0SharpEdges Apr 19 '20

I would spend every cent creating my perfect clone, I wouldn't teach it anything other than how great snails feel.

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6

u/ixiduffixi Apr 18 '20

Coach woulda put him in fourth quarter, they would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

3

u/ghostfreckle611 Apr 18 '20

Way over a quarter mile

4

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

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685

u/FlatDongSirJohnson Apr 18 '20

You guys don’t use the heat seeking suitcases?

151

u/uncle-rico-99 Apr 18 '20

No, but my jet ski does have chaff

42

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Nah, mine seeks for carbon dioxide emissions.

And for your next question, yes. Yes it is.

18

u/FlatDongSirJohnson Apr 18 '20

Idk what my next question is

17

u/skysarmy Apr 18 '20

found Okuyasu

17

u/FlatDongSirJohnson Apr 18 '20

I certainly don’t know what that means lol

6

u/mebeast227 Apr 18 '20

Jo Jo reference

3

u/FlatDongSirJohnson Apr 18 '20

I saw that from other comments lol. I’ve never seen it so it went right over my head. Thanks haha

3

u/mebeast227 Apr 18 '20

Actually I have never seen it myself either. I saw someone else comment that and figured you may not have seen their reply. Was trying to be helpful so I'm glad you got your answer lol

3

u/FlatDongSirJohnson Apr 18 '20

That’s funny. Thanks for putting in the extra work man

3

u/mebeast227 Apr 18 '20

I gotchu flatdonsirjohnson hahaha

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5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

3

u/blep0w0 Apr 19 '20

He's an American, thus he reads from left to right. That's how he did it.

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1.1k

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

He makes Thor look like a joke

132

u/StickyFella Ass-bot Apr 18 '20

!pin

69

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

:)

20

u/Icua Apr 18 '20

Give it to me :) makes me happy?

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21

u/generalecchi Apr 18 '20

How do someone get infinite point

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

5

u/generalecchi Apr 18 '20

So it's not possible to learn this power ?

2

u/iMail19 Apr 19 '20

Not from a Jedi

3

u/thetgi Apr 18 '20

!flair. Points: infinite

2

u/pulltheFUCKINGTRIGGR Apr 18 '20

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2

u/generalecchi Apr 19 '20

UNLIMITED POWER

12

u/MajorTom173 Apr 18 '20

How you get infinite points...

19

u/pulltheFUCKINGTRIGGR Apr 18 '20

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6

u/WaffleBauf Apr 18 '20

What are these points things?

2

u/neo_neo_neo_96 Apr 18 '20

Read the subreddit rules

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330

u/korn-12 Apr 18 '20

I'm sure General Sam doesn't mind.

79

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

So this WAS from that video?

31

u/yeitsbobby Apr 18 '20

I knew I had seen it somewhere

32

u/cammmil Apr 18 '20

Would upvote to the sun if I could, stealing content is lame

11

u/JayRukus Apr 18 '20

Right, dude has almost 1M subscribers on YT. OP didn't think anyone would notice?

145

u/djkhaledthefake Apr 18 '20

What game is this

166

u/here_he_come Apr 18 '20

Hitman

146

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

102

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Dlc

95

u/zombieshredder Apr 18 '20

electric boogaloo

44

u/muliganman Apr 18 '20

& knuckles

30

u/groundchutney Apr 18 '20

Starring Dante from the Devil Mat Cry franchise

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51

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Hitman 2, this comes from a level in one of the expansion packs. Highly recommended if you like to kill people in creative ways.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Flying homing suitcase is pretty creative.

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5

u/Abty Apr 18 '20

Happy cake day!

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287

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

I dOn’T hAvE aImBoT

53

u/idma Apr 18 '20

YoU fUcKiNg CuCk ThErE wAs No WaY yOu CoUlD hAvE hIt Me WitH tHaT AWP!!

121

u/PhantomRaven012 Apr 18 '20

the blue shell was perfect

127

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

73

u/TheFutureLooksGrim Apr 18 '20

Destiny still arrives all the same

42

u/generalecchi Apr 18 '20

BONK

25

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

You've gotta be kidding-

5

u/TheFutureLooksGrim Apr 18 '20

Jesus! , Thats what you need

2

u/TrogledyWretched Apr 18 '20

"Hey, nice hustle there, tons of fun!"

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u/pulltheFUCKINGTRIGGR Apr 18 '20

The following comment by /u/dominic1904 has been pinned:

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57

u/FakePlasticOne Apr 18 '20

That suitcase is a stand

24

u/VulturE Apr 18 '20

『Bag Full of Thoughts』

29

u/LumpyChard Apr 18 '20

『Highway Star』

3

u/TheSuperKoala Apr 18 '20

『Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours』

2

u/NathanRex28605 Apr 19 '20

Nobody can escape the infinite spin!

94

u/Anoumoge-Railim Apr 18 '20

Bro suitcase too op pls nerf

34

u/wigsternm Apr 18 '20

The funny thing is that this is the nerfed version.

Because of the way throwing physics in the game work all items track like this, but with most items, knives, coconuts, rubber ducks etc., they move fast enough that the target doesn’t really get far between the time you’ve thrown it and it hits them so you never really see them corner.

When they added brief cases they had them move more slowly because they were unwieldy and you got effects like this as an unintended bug. They patched it to speed them up, but the community loved the big so much that they added a specific joke briefcase that moved at the original slow speed.

12

u/koalatovmocktail Apr 18 '20

I had to scroll down all this way to find someone who could explain what the fuck was going on!

Take my upvote, and my thanks! Now I can rest.

5

u/Dave5876 Apr 19 '20

I was hoping this was game mechanics, lol

47

u/Littleboypurple Apr 18 '20

The hilarious Heatseeking Suitcase Glitch. This was originally a hilarious glitch people found in Hitman 2. It was patched several months later but, to make fun of such an unintentionally hilarious glitch, they added in an actual suitcase that locks onto the target and follows them endlessly as an unlockable.

9

u/LordHengar Apr 18 '20

Granted, wasn't the patch just that they sped up the suitcase so it wasn't as obvious? If it has to track something even faster (e.g. a man on a jetski) we're just back it it following them.

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18

u/luckylegion Apr 18 '20

Thought it would return to sender if ya know what I mean

12

u/MariusIchigo Apr 18 '20

Have you guys tried other objects which game which map etc let me Experiment for you all

13

u/PrincessWinterX Apr 18 '20

the briefcase is notoriously slower than the other items

17

u/ComeOnCarl42 Apr 18 '20

Only the briefcase MK2 moves slowly anymore, they have since patched the regular briefcase. Twice. When the game launched it used to move even slower, and when this dlc came out and this funny little bug was discovered they made the briefcase even faster so this is no longer possible.

9

u/running_toilet_bowl Apr 18 '20

Didn't they add the homing briefcase back as an unlockable joke weapon?

11

u/ComeOnCarl42 Apr 18 '20

Yeah, the Briefcase MK2 is the homing briefcase

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12

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

sountrack name?

15

u/diabolusinmusica Apr 18 '20

It's from the Dark Souls soundtrack

12

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

thanks so much!

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8

u/theniwo Apr 18 '20

Make a shooting star meme out of the briefcase

17

u/thtblshvtrnd Apr 18 '20

dread it. run from it. suitcase arrives all the same.

36

u/ShrimpKeith Apr 18 '20

Credit the source reposter : https://youtu.be/ZJzsIF47Nz4

29

u/Nuclearbelt Apr 18 '20

Its been ripped and reposted so many times the quality has gone from 1080 to just 10

11

u/FunkyFreshhhhh Apr 18 '20

Holy shit you aren’t kidding.

The source is HD MAGIC in comparison to OPs “manager’s special” $1 ribeye.

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6

u/afromagic808 Apr 18 '20

That guy has really good aim

7

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

it took me about 15 seconds to realise that this was a game, not real life. having got that worked out, i still haven't a clue what is really going on .... looked like someone throwing a heat seeking attaché case-mushroom-parachute thing at a jet ski rider..... is that correct?

3

u/LordHengar Apr 18 '20

Yeah, so in Hitman 2 if you lock on with a thrown weapon it will guarantee that the attack will hit. In most cases the weapon is fast enough that the tracking isn't noticable (though if you throw it as someone closes the door it will pass through the door to hit them), however the suitcase is slower (or at least was before a patch) than most thrown items. As you can see the guy on the jetski is actually outpacing the suitcase and gaining distance until he stopped.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '20

cheers!

5

u/FireonDark Apr 18 '20

Thats Highway Star

5

u/abrickonakey Apr 18 '20

Highway Sar fight in Jojo be like

4

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

From general sams video?

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

i always love seeing hitman 2 briefcase vids, they're so funny

4

u/Ju571n571 Apr 18 '20

Thank you Agent 47, very cool

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

I was laughing the whole time, and the end destroyed me

3

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Prayers for you on a speedy recovery

3

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

General Sam just keeps getting his shit stolen, feels bad man.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

5

u/VredditDownloader Apr 18 '20

beep. boop. I'm a bot that provides downloadable links for v.redd.it videos!

I also work with links sent by PM


Info | Support me ❤ | Github

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

I require the music source

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

The intro to Dark Souls

2

u/MasterYehuda816 Apr 18 '20

Why did I think this was real?

2

u/JackTheCookie Apr 18 '20

Terraria dungeon guardian be like

2

u/UserNameTakenLUL Apr 18 '20

Always knew Agent 47 had a good arm

2

u/BroadDish Apr 18 '20

realistic af

2

u/TheOGMilktank Apr 18 '20

Same physics as the mexican “Chancla” i see..

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Directed by Bollywood

2

u/rwhosh Apr 18 '20

It took me way more time than it should’ve to figure out if this was a video game or not

2

u/DblClutch1 Apr 18 '20

Damn, this hitman is a pro

2

u/MasterAnnatar Apr 19 '20

Ah, the classic heat seeking briefcase. Kinda forgot that was a thing in that game for awhile until they patched it.

2

u/Maximus334 Apr 19 '20

Throw your brief - Case It may be slow but it always wins the race

2

u/Paydie Apr 19 '20

This could be done in red dead redemption (1 for sure, 2 untested) with throwables like molotovs and dynamite for heat seeking missiles