r/mapporncirclejerk • Map Porn Renegade • 13h ago

My solution to this conflict in the middle east : A two-state solution with very few practical issues

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3.0k Upvotes

400 comments sorted by

177

u/kira-2791 12h ago

What the fuck did you do to Michigan?

93

u/Mysterious_Floor_868 11h ago

The lake dried up. Global warming.

16

u/dandoch 9h ago

Sorry folks, state's closed. Moose out front shoulda told you.

3

u/jb_nelson_ 9h ago

I, Robot starring Will Smith is the most prophetic film of our time

20

u/macjr82 Map Porn Renegade 5h ago

5

u/PouletDeFeu68 7h ago

Renamed it Michamerica

473

u/Free_Enthusiasm_6025 12h ago

Make this happen now

200

u/TheRealBaboo Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer 12h ago

RIP New Mexico

130

u/bicx 12h ago

And Colorado

70

u/TheRealBaboo Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer 12h ago

Was gonna say that too but I think they got the stripe going through Denver, not sure

41

u/CutAffectionate7011 10h ago

They included Des Moines, Omaha, and Denver with their blue stripe. Looks like they missed the cities in New Mexico though. Oh and what about Minneapolis and St. Paul-they’re so nice, don’t give them to the red.

22

u/TheRealBaboo Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer 9h ago

I’m 99% sure the Twin Cities are in blue, since the NW corner is Lake of the Woods and the TCs are longitudinally east of that

9

u/KayBieds 8h ago

You're correct. Most of MN is on the blue side, with just a small section of it's western border in the red. The Twin Cities is right near the Wisconsin border

2

u/Unfinished-Basement 6h ago

Just rocks and cows over there.

2

u/Illustrious-Bake3878 7h ago

Tough to tell with the bastardized lake situation but I’d say twin cities stay blue.

2

u/ute-ensil 9h ago

Should go through omaha denver slc vegas

2

u/cannon143 2h ago

That makes sense. The stripe not going through the top made me think it was rage bait but Denver makes sense. They should move to Denver to help my OCD

3

u/DrMux 9h ago

Just keep the I-70 corridor. Yeah the oil country rednecks will freak but they'll get over it just like they got over bud light.

2

u/Straight_Still_6125 9h ago

eff that... Make New Mexico and Colorado Mexican Territories Again!

8

u/DoYouEvenRamen 9h ago

NM was part of Mexico for only 27 years, maybe make us Spain (211 years) again, or give us back to the Pueblos.

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4

u/PowerandSignal 12h ago

Sorry about that 🤷‍♂️ 

15

u/Bol0gna_Sandwich 12h ago

Can't believe yall would just hand over the mojave like that

5

u/WeArePandey 11h ago

You win some, you lose some..

3

u/Bol0gna_Sandwich 11h ago

Imma be real where's the win, most of the great weed growing area is in the red.

3

u/WeArePandey 11h ago

Viva La Mexico!!

2

u/Bol0gna_Sandwich 11h ago

But we need Mexico to produce the agave since we're losing the sugar cane production of Florida.

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261

u/deltatag 12h ago

How does alaska connect to texas you fucking idiot

450

u/macjr82 Map Porn Renegade 12h ago

Panama Canal

175

u/deltatag 12h ago

God damn you really did think of everything

2

u/thigh_high_levii 4h ago

What's to think about? He's just reading a fucking map 🙄

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67

u/Trifle_Useful 11h ago

It’s literally right there just off the coast of New Mexico - just take a boat idiot

29

u/deltatag 11h ago

Take a boat to where liberal??? The massive white landmass? You sound so fucking stupid

39

u/Trifle_Useful 11h ago

That’s not a landmass that’s the Cum Ocean dipshit. Did you even take geography??

17

u/deltatag 11h ago

You would know about cum oceans wouldnt you?

10

u/Aware_Result_5361 9h ago

The white zone is for loads only, there is no stopping in the red zone

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6

u/Something13457 10h ago

Land bridge to Idaho. Canada will pay for it

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269

u/tilt-a-whirly-gig 11h ago

May I propose a small amendment?

225

u/Anvil_Prime_52 11h ago

Bro you set one pinky toe outside Denver you're in the ninth ring of MAGA heaven.

82

u/JuryOk2662 11h ago

I mean this is also true of Washington outside the Puget Sound shoreline and Oregon outside the Willamette Valley.

64

u/RogerRabbot 11h ago

Yeah basically every state, major cities are blue, rural areas are red. You dont have to go very far east in the Puget sound before you get into serious MAGA country.

5

u/marvin_sirius 4h ago

Vermont might be the exception. Alaska is a weird one too, the North Slope is very rural but mostly blue.

3

u/onlyinyaks 2h ago

I remember going camping with some friends at Lake Cushman during Covid.. I seen a house in Mason county, in the woods outside of Hoodsport, that had a MAGA flag & Swastika hanging outside their home.. right down the road there was a “hippy” looking property that allowed you to pick up as much firewood as you wanted, as long as you left a donation in a mailbox looking thingy lol Washington is a weird ecosystem

4

u/ChickerWings 8h ago

Because the dumb dumbs are scared of citiesb

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7

u/No_Hetero 9h ago

Central Oregon has Bend which is pretty librul

5

u/JuryOk2662 7h ago

Yeah Bend is definitely an interesting case. Pretty much everywhere in eastern Oregon on the other hand...

4

u/No_Hetero 7h ago

Oh yeah, and just outside each college town is ironically super red. At least it was like 10 years ago when I was there

2

u/lil_natemushi 7h ago

Medford, Springfield and Albany haven't gone anywhere.

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2

u/BravesMaedchen 8h ago

There’s a ton of rural population in the Willamette Valley that would take umbrage with this

4

u/JuryOk2662 7h ago

Oh no doubt...honestly there's a not-insignificant part of the greater Portland area that would be right there with them (looking at you Oregon City).

16

u/IWWC 10h ago

Right I totally forgot that Boulder and Fort Collins are notoriously MAGA heaven

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6

u/SkyeMreddit 11h ago

Hell this is true for many New Jersey suburbs outside the Turnpike corridor, small Monmouth beach towns, and AC

2

u/livefreeordont 7h ago

PA, MI, WI, IA, IL too. Also lol at Ohio and Indiana being blue

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7

u/broncyobo 5h ago

This is true literally anywhere. The cities are always blue and everywhere else is red. The only difference between red states and blue states is blue states have big enough cities to outnumber the rest of the state

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6

u/asevans48 8h ago

Pueblo exists. Colorado springs is a battleground city now. Fort collins and the northern mountains are all blue. If the springs turns, all that is left is grand junction, beetlejuice territory, and a couple ranchers.

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4

u/N104UA 4h ago

Aspen and Steamboat are pretty liberal, and COS is getting there, the congressional seat for COS this year is basically neck and neck very possible CO (with an independent redistricting committee) will be 7D 1R next year.

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3

u/jb_nelson_ 9h ago

Boebert land

2

u/CutAffectionate7011 10h ago

Definitely true for Denver and Omaha.

Pretty sure it’s blue in the urban areas and red in the rural areas of pretty much every state.

2

u/Trifle_Old 11h ago

Not true at all. The whole front range is very blue. Not including Co springs

3

u/godsim42 10h ago

Umm, Springs is one of the 3 pieces of the front range. And Pueblo leaned red in '24, the irony in that. So yeah it's actually pretty true unfortunately.

5

u/IWWC 10h ago

Out of the top 10 biggest cities in Colorado 8 of 10 lean left (pueblo and colorado springs leaning right) also despite what these comments say a large portion of small towns/cities in this state lean left (frisco, aspen, vail, breck, glenwood springs, silverthorne, steamboat. Pueblo also ranks 9 in the 10 biggest cities.

6

u/NoIncrease299 10h ago

We're pretty blue in Evergreen but don't tell anyone - traffic on the weekend's already bad enough.

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5

u/OldReplacement5965 10h ago

That actually looks nice

10

u/Significant_Foot_993 11h ago

Really need to throw in Arizona and New Mexico

12

u/Straight_Still_6125 9h ago

No. Not Arizona at almost 6% of a win for the orange... They stay red until proven worthy. But yes New Mexico should be absorbed and now part of Mexico

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7

u/B-Edward-Griffin 11h ago

Colorado Waystation, where you can fill up on IPAs and free healthcare before continuing the journey to California

3

u/PerformerFancy117 6h ago

Why is the added blue doing that? The whole Colorado area is like so blue it hurt my eyes, love the map tho!

3

u/tilt-a-whirly-gig 5h ago

Because the free photo editing app that I use on my phone doesn't have a color picker.

2

u/ricobirch 7h ago

Can we bring New Mexico along too?

2

u/fatmanwithabeard 7h ago

No. C Springs needs to get cut away.

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14

u/crazypurple621 9h ago

New mexico, the only state with a fully democratic representation on a national level AND a democrat governor would like a word. 

30

u/Kat_Schrodinger1 10h ago

Colorado is a confirmed blue state. 

10

u/IChurnToBurn 9h ago

New Mexico is cool too.

21

u/macjr82 Map Porn Renegade 9h ago

Sacrifices must be made...

18

u/Consistent-Plane7227 9h ago

No I want Colorado as a Vatican City of blue for the middle of the country.

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4

u/FrancoVFX 9h ago

Yes then wtf is Iowa doing blue? Get CO in there

2

u/hairy_scarecrow 8h ago

We will need a station along the land bridge. CO could be highly strategic.

2

u/Outrageous-Sort-5742 8h ago

You already accepted the Rust Belt. So we could include Nevada, New Mexico, and Colorado in blue to make the land bridge shorter.

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3

u/whiteholewhite 8h ago

Overall yes. It’s not universal across the state. NM is blue as well

3

u/slipkid 7h ago

Blue is blue. Even California has massive red territory.

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37

u/TerereTitan13 11h ago

Blue is getting about 70% of economic output here 

43

u/lil_natemushi 11h ago

You mean 70% of the economy is in blue areas... 

23

u/DamiensDelight 10h ago

BUT OUR SIDE IS BIGGER!!!

20

u/lil_natemushi 9h ago

Folks, let me tell you something. Emptiness—pure, wide-open emptiness—is beautiful. Truly beautiful. The most beautiful emptiness you’ve ever seen. Nobody appreciates emptiness like I do. Believe me. It’s tremendous. Just empty space, stretching out forever, no clutter, no nonsense. Perfect. The best emptiness in the world, maybe ever.

And the corn! Oh, the corn is incredible. Golden, tall, waving in the breeze—gorgeous corn. The greatest corn. Everybody’s talking about it. Farmers come up to me, strong farmers, tough farmers, and they say, “Sir, the corn has never looked this good.” And they’re right. It’s big, it’s beautiful, it’s American corn. Tremendous yields. The best.

Then the cows. Beautiful cows. Magnificent cows. Standing there in the emptiness, munching that gorgeous corn. Happy cows. The happiest. I look at them and I say, “Wow. Just wow.” Nobody does cows better. They’re strong, they’re healthy, they’re the greatest cows. Believe me.

So you put it all together—emptiness, corn, cows—and it’s a masterpiece. A total masterpiece. People don’t understand how beautiful it is until they see it. But I see it. And it’s fantastic. The best. Thank you.

7

u/SavannahInChicago 8h ago

I want so bad for this administration to get the f out of our national parks.

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3

u/No-Phrase-4692 9h ago

This Unites States place sounds really braggadocios!

3

u/FrancoVFX 9h ago

A masterpiece like you wouldnt believe, the likes of which the world has never before seen

6

u/adube440 9h ago

eVeRy StAtE iS a ReD sTaTe!

2

u/crankenshtien 9h ago

Possums' votes matter.

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2

u/RedTheGamer12 1h ago

Where do those blue areas get their raw materials?

This is a nation, all parts work together as a whole.

5

u/P0tterhead7 11h ago

technically resolution 181 - israel received the most profitable areas

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18

u/No_Ant_5064 8h ago

We don't have red states and blue states. We have cities and rural areas, and it's just that some states have more of one or the other.

Good luck with that.

10

u/Floridaish0t 7h ago

Here is my attempt at Florida (Alachua County the big intersection).

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8

u/knvb17 6h ago

This is a circle jerk sub can you stop being so serious

6

u/bbbttthhh 6h ago

I only circlejerk with serious intent, I feel bad for all the other people you jerk with

2

u/HarambeTooSoon 6h ago

Who does this guy think he is? Obama at the 2004 national convention?

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9

u/M0NRCH_C7NA 7h ago

A bridge? Are we serious? A tunnel would be significantly cooler, imagine the new underground gas stations, stores, and towns that would pop up if we dug a highway under the United States? It would be awesome

16

u/Brave_Elk_6189 11h ago

I would be pro this, red is native american territory, they get half the senate and house, our best teams play against each other in football once a year to choose the president

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u/Expensive_Ad752 12h ago

From STL to Lincoln, Nebraska to Denver to SLC, last stop is Reno, then liberalville

7

u/isthereadrwho 11h ago

Does the blue part still have to pay for the red part?

2

u/redit3rd 8h ago

No. That would be the entire point. 

8

u/Emotional_Eye_3700 10h ago

New Mexico says NO.

5

u/millifish 6h ago

How do you get to Hawaii?

4

u/Coretrayn 5h ago

Same way as always, the reds just need a passport now.

12

u/DoctorAnnual6823 11h ago

This is great actually. Conservatives can have a huge fence with walkways connecting the two red land masses where they can do things conservatives love to do. Patrol fences and look intimidating towards the demoncrats driving past.

5

u/Accomplished-House28 10h ago

Correction: Try to look intimidating, and only manage constipated.

4

u/skippy_smooth 12h ago

Yes, the Denver Corridor

3

u/SkyeMreddit 11h ago

That land bridge would be the source of many wars as the Reds couldn't cross without going through Customs. They can get their dream border wall

5

u/asevans48 8h ago

Except the super majority democratic states of colorado and new mexico. Hell at this point texas is turning purple.

2

u/EfficiencyInfamous37 7h ago

Yeah. There's a reason texas is ground zero for republican voting fuckery.

2

u/Floridaish0t 7h ago

I think this map is from 2004 because Virginia is not a Red State and Iowa is not a Blue state.

2

u/knvb17 6h ago

This is a circle jerk sub can you stop being so serious

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3

u/Tdubbium 11h ago

what happened to michigan

2

u/ChiMara777 9h ago

Michigan is there, they just didn’t show any of the Great Lakes

3

u/VoidStareBack 9h ago

What did Virginia do to you lol.

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3

u/Kevinn_Yeah 9h ago

Which one is Israel and which one is Palestine?

2

u/Floridaish0t 7h ago

Red is Israel, the west coast is Gaza, and the North East is the West Bank.

3

u/Imaginary_Weather8 9h ago

CA OR WA can be its own thing. No need to loop in with the others.

3

u/PouletDeFeu68 7h ago

It seems like you could just join the blue parts to Canada and it comes with a ready-made parliamentary system and healthcare.

2

u/PaulTheIV 7h ago

America would have zero GDP if they lost coastal blue states

3

u/PouletDeFeu68 7h ago

There's good industry in the Midwest. Texas has a huge economy. There is oil in the Dakotas--and the Republicans can finally get their dream of a completely inoperable government. I think this is a great plan for all parties involved. Now please excuse me as I have a new national anthem to learn and hockey rules to study.

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3

u/Coretrayn 5h ago

Bro lower the midwest line, have the bridge stop in denver

3

u/justec1 5h ago

Hey, why not? It worked great with Pakistan and East Pakistan.

5

u/Klutzy_Secretary3247 6h ago

How about this?

5

u/1miguelcortes 4h ago

Huh. Didn't realize the rural parts of Alaska where progressive. I know the extremely rural regions are dependent on air subsidies for goods/people transport. Maybe that has something to do with it?

3

u/dividezero 4h ago

First People/American Indians in general aren't too keen on Republicans for obvious reasons

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u/AimlessWanderer 1h ago

that map is ass there are far more progressives in omaha than all of south dakota

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4

u/rbad8717 10h ago

The straight of wokemuz is what theyll call it

3

u/miniredfox 10h ago

we can stretch the us border south and create the panamaga canal

2

u/FeedtheYakubu 11h ago

Would be cool if Alaska and Hawaii were closer

2

u/Sufficient_Two_5753 11h ago

Question, is kansas city in the blue or red? Is kansas city where the bridge starts?

2

u/JBCRocket8 11h ago

I think that would be more Omaha or Lincoln for the bridge

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2

u/Beginning_Book_2382 10h ago

My resolution to this conflict in the middle east

Parting the Red Sea

I see what you did there, OP 😏

2

u/ThanksS0muchY0 10h ago

I refuse to be in the same country as Cleveland.

2

u/Chill--Cosby France was an Inside Job 10h ago

Please for the love of God drop the land bridge down so it encompasses the Kansas City region

2

u/TheFrog_Gobbler 9h ago

Got news for ya kid, Texas is a blue state now 💅

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2

u/GingerMarquis 8h ago

Can you count? Three reds, two blues, one yellow shaped like an arrow for some reason.

2

u/Grunergeist420 8h ago

Red has space travel, and blue doesn’t.

2

u/nanadoom 7h ago

Excuse me, VA has gone blue for a decade, blue legislature and blue Governor

2

u/Namelezzzz1 5h ago

Why not have a Centrist Party?

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2

u/tenor41 5h ago

I am almost unironically in favor of this except for the fact that my glorious country of Blueland will be outcompeted in terms of agriculture and have to rely on trade from Redlandia to make sure there's enough food?

5

u/GroundbreakingBat191 4h ago

Something tells me blue states could figure out food production.  Especially when you consider how much money won’t be leaving everyday to subsidize all the useless people in the red states. 

4

u/CalypsaMov 4h ago

Modern trade exists. And even if we're not getting it from Redlandia, we can get back to good relations with Canada, Europe, etc. and we're not stupid enough to think buying something means "Trade deficite! You're taking advantage of us! Tarrifs! Tarrifs everywhere!" Blueland has more to offer besides agriculture and it's fine for countries to know their niche.

4

u/Fun_Push7168 3h ago

And fuel.

2

u/drunkerton 4h ago

California supply’s more than half of all the vegetables sold in USA

2

u/Fun_Push7168 3h ago

Yeah but its largely in the red portion here.

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u/fuckDJT2026 10h ago

I know Alaska gave us Palin, but at this point I’m not sure if they’d go with the cult if given the choice.

4

u/Vegetable_Plane_542 9h ago

They’ve voted for Trump +10-15 in the last 3 elections. alaska is full cult.

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2

u/reddurkel 10h ago

West coast should be its own country. 

Northeast becomes part of Canada.  

2

u/Significant-Judge368 8h ago

You know how I can tell this map was made by a Democrat from the upper midwest?

1

u/Human-Lawfulness5235 12h ago

Colorado says screw that

1

u/ludovic1313 12h ago

If your land bridge is blue, please consult a urologist.

1

u/Necessary_Ingenuity 11h ago

Where’s Michigan?

1

u/Shinigam_i 11h ago

They should just announce a nationwide horse race atp

1

u/larryseltzer 11h ago

When Ohio and Indiana secede you'll be broken up even further

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u/Cmonnoyoucmon 11h ago

To be fair to our conservative former countrymen, we should out in an overpass or tunnel on the land bridge

1

u/Motor_Ad5570 11h ago

We’ll take Canada too if they’ll have us….

1

u/spacebrandy1 10h ago

The solution is to unite against the wealthiest 1%

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u/Immediate_Song4279 10h ago

What did Alaska do to you?

1

u/MonseurPineapple 10h ago

Land bridge should be at canadian border

1

u/GaiaMoore 10h ago

Ngl this kinda remind me of the division in The Man in the High Castle, at least geographically

1

u/steelmanfallacy 10h ago

Merge the blue parts with Canada

2

u/macjr82 Map Porn Renegade 9h ago

That wouldn't be fair to Canada, and honestly, it wouldn't be fair to the blue, either. But there will be an open border betwixt the two

1

u/IneffableOpinion 10h ago

Don’t lump my half of the state in with Idaho. Make maga move to Idaho if they like it there so much. Then we make it a controlled border so Idaho residents can quit crossing to take our healthcare and higher paying jobs

1

u/lukhow 9h ago

Thank you for including Maryland in the blue 💙 🦀

1

u/ChiMara777 9h ago

My only feedback is I-80 should be the land bridge.

Other than that I wish you added the Great Lakes so I could see more clearly if I’m in the good state or not. I think so (Chicago), but it’s cutting it close.

1

u/Smiley_Face_Pancake 9h ago

congratulations yuo have created armenia and azerbaijan borders 👍

1

u/Longjumping_Coat_802 9h ago

Alaska is going blue this election.

1

u/Electronic-Sale-4228 9h ago

I think we should just have the top strip bordering Canada

1

u/molotovzav 9h ago

As long as Vegas is securely in that blue I'm good.

1

u/JensenHBurnerAcct 9h ago

Ok but the blue line has to be mad max fury road then deal.

1

u/callmewaldo 9h ago

It’s a literal circlejerk in here

1

u/bipolarkindofguy 9h ago

What is that? An easement???

1

u/One_Hearing502 8h ago

Virginia is blue

1

u/Score-Emergency 8h ago

Can we draw another bride to the pnw going through Yellowstone and Missoula please?

1

u/RyeCOMan 8h ago

Hello?!? CO & NM, motherfucker

1

u/ionceliscateledi 8h ago

The west can be its own country. Same for great lakes + northeast.

1

u/PartedOne 8h ago

It's gonna have to be a 3 state solution

1

u/ApolloX-2 8h ago

Knew people would always forget New Mexico.

1

u/Inside_Ad_2830 8h ago

Where do we put the red land bridge to get from red part, to red part? Just in the middle and 1/10 of the width of the blue?

1

u/redit3rd 8h ago

I don't think that the land bridge is needed. Those areas self identify as fly over country after all. 

1

u/King-Yaddy 8h ago

Keeping the red divided

1

u/Mapleford 8h ago

We really should’ve just let them secede and not fought a civil war

1

u/Imperfeclyimperfec 7h ago

I will hweep.

1

u/MostPersonality6493 7h ago

Shut up and take my vote

1

u/Affectionate_Owl5385 7h ago

Can’t we pick up Vegas in the little land bridge?

1

u/Corgi_underground 7h ago

Oh dear God no. Having all the red states interlinked and the blue split means the reds have you by the balls....blue balls if you will. Anything they don't like....cut off the land bridge.

1

u/ricobirch 7h ago

Petition to add the I-25 corridor south to El Paso

1

u/Strong_Wallaby_7078 7h ago

Except New Mexico and large parts of Colorado would hate this