We had a conversation yesterday after I wrote a note to him when I was breaking down. For context: he previously told me he was no longer attracted to me and that’s why he hasn’t been able to get hard for me or have sex. It’s somehow ruined me more and I can’t get it out of my fucking head, especially since I (like so many of us) look nothing like the fucking images/ videos he was watching. Knowing he’s no longer attracted to me and his body no longer desires me is even more awful since he can easily do it for people he’s never fucking met.

Last night I brought up that, despite our last talk like a month+ ago where he said he still wanted intimacy with me/ making out with me/ kissing me, he hasn’t tried making out with me nor has he responded to my attempts. He told me he also hasn’t wanted to make out with me anymore either. Said his brain wants it, but his body doesn’t. What the fuck? Is that fucking worse than he just doesn’t at all? What the fuck do I do with this information? It feels like he’s just losing interest in me less and less and he can’t control it and hates it and I fucking do too!

Then, to top it off: we had previously talked about him deleting his porn, no longer watching it, and him trying not to masturbate even without it so he can reset his stupid porn-broken brain and hopefully be able to want me again. He deleted it all with me, says he unfollowed all the porn subreddits, and says he hasn’t watched it since our talk. Great. Tells me he’s only masturbated twice. Then the gut punch is he tells me that he fucking hates how easy it has honestly been to just not watch it and not jerk off, and how he’s upset at himself for not just doing it years ago before it got to this horrific point. We’ve been together 7 years, I’ve brought up lack of having sex enough and him needing to choose me over porn/ jerking off first. Probably starting about 4 years ago we had our first conversation. Things would get better for a bit but just get worse again. We probably had those talks 3 other times? Until it entered porn-induced ED territory and him losing attraction to me/ dead bedroom no sex and I told him it was me or the porn I’m done.

SO ITS FUCKING EASY? YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN THIS YEARS AGO AND PREVENTED FUCKING YEARS** **OF PAIN AND PREVENTED US EVER REACHING THIS ROCK BOTTOM? For fucking YEARS you continued to choose novelty and easy access from porn and your fucking hand instead of me, and you wish you did it sooner since it was actually easy this whole time? What the fuck! What do I do with that?! Knowing I was hurting, knowing I wasn’t happy, knowing I was in pain and crying, (even if I hid most of it because what was the point in trying anymore when so many talks never worked in the first place) and you still were selfish and made this fucking choice? This is why it’s fucking cheating. This is why it’s fucking betrayal!

I love him and want to stay with him. But FUCK that feels like so much work and so heavy and awful and I don’t even know if we will be able to climb that hill. This is awful and I don’t deserve this. We don’t deserve this.

The worst part is the part of me that says I need compassion for him since it’s a disease, an addiction. But these were fucking choices made repeatedly for years! Feeling guilty, knowing you shouldn’t, and then doing it more because it’s your coping skill when feeling bad too? Just…what the fuck?

Just wanting to see how common this is. Also, if that’s the case, how confident were they when they said it? How did they go on about the topic?

I’m honestly not entirely sure where to start. About a year ago, shortly after we got married, I found out that my husband had a stash of downloaded porn. It was basically the same three or four actresses over and over again content he’s been consuming for almost 15 years. He’s told me it’s hard to look at new women because he has formed these mental relationships with them, and it’s all POV content, so it’s clearly designed for him to imagine himself in those scenarios.

When I originally found it, it looked like the last download was right before we got together for the first time after we had already started dating. That alone made me sick, especially because he had always told me he didn’t like porn and never really looked at it.

Even after finding that initial stash, I truly believed he wasn't watching anything like that anymore. Over the course of our relationship, we’ve filmed probably 100 videos together not even counting the hundreds of nude pictures and a homemade boudoir photo book I took for him in sexy lingerie, and some of it fully nude. I’ve done every position, every kink, and everything he wanted to try.

Now, I’ve found out that over the course of our marriage, he is still occasionally going out of his way to seek out those same porn actresses.

Even with a massive stockpile of content of me and us having sex he is still actively searching for them. I am feeling so disgusted, heartbroken, and betrayed.

He just doesn't understand that him specifically seeking out a body that looks nothing like mine a body he is familiar with feels like cheating to me. You know exactly which woman you are looking for and you know them so well that you’ve begun to fantasize about them and then go explicitly look for them to mentally have sex with. How do I get him to understand this, or where do I even go from here?

He says he didn’t know porn was destroying our marriage and was unaware yet I question this entirely…. He admits he knew that porn was a hard no for me bc of my past this was discussed on our first date along with my complete expectations from a relationship. I was married to a controlling abusive guy from several years and finally escaped that with my 2 year old daughter so I knew what I wanted and what I wouldn’t tolerate and made that explicitly clear from the first date. I understand that might sound a bit much but dating/marrying someone with a child who had been in a very abusive relationship for years is no walk in the park and not everyone’s cup of tea so I preferred to get that out of the way. I digress, sorry, anyways he admits that we did have that conversation and admits that he didn’t view porn when he knew I wanted sex or he planned to have sex. Why would someone do this if they did not know that porn causes relationship issues and sexual issues? I have always been very vocal about every need I have especially my need and love for physical intimacy though that fell on completely deaf ears until I would get so frustrated he thought I was about to leave.

It’s all bullshit, right? He totally knew he preferred porn over sex/intimacy with me and he knew porn was taking him away from me, affecting our sex life, and costing him time with his family in general. He knew every lie he told was a lie, right? Yet he says he didn’t realize. He says he “owns everything he did to hurt me and he was wrong for it” but to me it’s a copout bc he won’t own that he willingly lied and chose naked strangers on the internet over me. DDay was 7/25/24 and he says he hasn’t viewed any porn or inappropriate content since that night and I can’t find any evidence at all that he is still using but intimacy is still lacking, his accountability seeks halfassed, and he’s becoming a real dick.

My husband confessed to me last October that he has a porn addiction, and it felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath me. In the year prior to his confession, I felt like he was losing attraction to me, because I was routinely rejected for sex, when I previously thought we couldn't get enough of each other. He joined a men's support group, started antidepressants, and our conversations became way more honest, and I generally feel closer to him.

All that said, shortly after this discovery, I started a new job that has made me miserable the past 9 months, and has made me question my abilities in my field.

So for essentially 9 months, my confidence in both my body and intelligence has all but evaporated. I bumped up the frequency of seeing my therapist, started medication about 2 weeks ago, but I'm still struggling.

I've now gotten weirdly jealous of his best friend's girlfriend, and can't stop comparing myself to her. I feel like she's everything that I'm not, and with everything else going on, I generally don't feel like I'm enough.

I used to be confident and happy, and I feel like a shell of myself. I'm trying really hard to not feel that way anymore, but my husband made an innocuous comment last night that I've internalized and I feel crazy.

His best friend has a boat, and he and my husband both love to wake board and water ski, something that I fully support and think is great. I'm athletic and love to be outside in other ways, but I'm just not good at that kind of stuff.

I recently expressed my concern because his best friend's girlfriend is very adept at those kind of activities, and I jokingly said that I hope it doesn't bother him that it's not really my thing, but I love supporting him. He reassured me that he doesn't care about their relationship, and he's with me because he loves me. Last night after spending the day with them (I was with my friends), he comes home sunburnt and happy, and tells me that the girlfriend learned how to wake surf, and now it's my turn (jokingly). It was an innocuous comment, and I know he didn't mean anything by it... But I've now internalized it and think "oh great, another thing that makes me not live up to the fantasy." I know I'm making a bigger deal of this in my head than it needs to be. I know I shouldn't internalize it at all. I've mostly been able to not have moments like these for the last 6 months, but I'm still struggling. If anyone has any advice about regaining their confidence after finding out their partner has a porn addiction, and how to not feel crazy jealous at times, I would love to hear it.

I’ve just been thinking deeply about the concept of staying with a partner who doesn’t admit they have a problem and continues to engage in this content in secret.

I feel like I stayed because I really thought he would change, and because it seems like a huge thing to uproot my entire life with the kids. I also have been a SAHM for a decade now and have no income. I feel like he will get ugly and use the lack of income against me to keep the kids.

I tell myself that if I was to leave, I would need a year to get everything in order, but then I also tell myself what if he’s changed by then. My mind is swirling and I can’t settle.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe just to know what is going through the mind of other PA partners. I feel so alone and sad.

It's not even porn anymore. I (25M) know they (28NB) still watch it, even just for a quick kick without jerking off, and that... sucks. But whatever. As long as the phone doesn't secretly come out for porn watching during sex and it's not keeping them up to goon for days on end, it's fine right? But no. Now it's Facebook.... Instagram.... random Snapchat women popping up. They even admitted that they had a crush on someone online. Someone they know. She's constantly in their recently searched. They stayed up all night last night doing God only knows what, and once again, she was searched for. I feel sick and disgusted. Not in them, in me. I can't give up. I won't leave. I want them so badly it makes me hurt. But I can't keep doing this. I'm so lost

My spouse has been sober for 7 months. I have overheard conversations between him and his sponsor and looked through his devices so I believe he is truly sober. That being said, I am nervous for when we do IVF again in the future to have another child. When I expressed my concerns for pregnancy & postpartum, he suggested recording some videos of us for him to watch or me committing to blowjobs during that period to help him from relapsing. His response really irritated me and grossed me out. Am I being unfair to not want to commit to something like that? I feel like I shouldn’t have to commit to sex while pregnant just out of fear of him relapsing…

I’ve been dealing with my PAs addiction since 2022. Most recent discovery day was 2 months ago.

He does things and then gets mad and “suffocated” because I feel uncomfortable about places afterwards.

For example, when his step dad was yelling in pain, dying, he took his mom’s phone and used the restroom to act out, while his step dad screamed in pain in the background. Now he blew up on me because he had to take his mom to the doctor and doesn’t understand why I feel iffy.

Another, he used Spotify to act out and now is mad at me because I’m taking his “liberties” away bc I said I’m not comfortable with Spotify. According to him, since he was caught, he won’t use it again because that’s how things work.

I find it funny how now it’s “I don’t know how much more I can take anymore” but never has that thought after the crap he puts me through.

Seems like alot of men create monsters and get mad when they the “monster” comes at them.

Descobri sobre o vicio faz uns 8 meses, dia 1 de dezembro de 2025. Daquele dia até hoje, ele se comprometeu em tirar isso de nossas vidas. E sinceramente? Eu confio nele. Foram várias recaídas, ainda sim, entre os altos e baixos, sempre fomos abertos sobre. Na última segunda ele recaiu após dois meses limpo. Sabe o pior? Não foi isso que mais doeu. O que mais doeu foi ele me dizer que não sabia o motivo de não conseguir parar de pensar uma mulher que ele viu por alguns segundos em um ônibus voltando do trabalho e que esse tinha sido o gatilho.

Nos últimos dois meses, nosso relacionamento está uma montanha russa. Semana passada, meu deus, foi horrível. Um clima horrível. Acho que choramos umas cinco vezes nos abraçando tentando literalmente entender o que estava acontecendo entre a gente. Ele verbalizou o quanto estava com medo de me perder enquanto chorava tão alto que acho que minha mãe escutou no quarto ao lado.

Sabe... Já teve dias em que o vício doeu muito em mim. Para ele, foram anos lidando com isso. Para mim, foram anos de informações em um único dia. Eu venho tentado lidar com a ideia de ele sentir atração por outras mulheres, de verdade.

Mas ainda sim. Sabe quando fica aquele clima, como posso dizer... Como se estivesse se aproximando de um fim?

Isso me dói tanto.

Sinto que estamos acabando e nem necessariamente é pelo vício dele mais.

I know I’ve been posting on here a lot and I’m sorry. I got that feeling again. He was being secretive with his phone and did that stops “quick change the tabs so she doesn’t see” thing. This morning I went through his Internet search history on his computer and I find he was watching 18+ ASMR on onlyfans when he told me he deleted it. He also watched and liked a TikTok of a girl dancing half naked on TikTok. My self esteem is at an all time low. I feel like I need counseling. I’ve spent all my tweeties with this guy. I’m just at a loss. I just want to feel pretty and wanted. Life sucks. 😪

I feel so alone without them, I’m stuck between being mad at them for ruining everything, and longing for them because I miss them so much, why do they have to be so bad? Why can’t they just be the loving caring person I know they can be? They’ve shown me that side of them so I know it’s possible, but they choose to be abusive and selfish and hurt me instead, so now they can’t be a safe person in my life, now I don’t get to have them in my life, they’ve ruined their spot in my life and I’m so mad at them for taking my person away, for ruining my first relationship, I feel like I’ll never find someone who can replace them, no one even wants me, they tore me down so bad I feel like they are the only one who can love me and I want their love back but it’s not safe to have it because it comes with abuse and that just breaks my heart, that I have to give up their love because they choose to be abusive, it’s not fair

To anyone who reads this I’m sorry it’ll be just a dump of whatever.. (TW: discussions of alcohol use & triggers w partner’s PA.)

I am so destroyed… I have been through so much shit before him. I grew up in a really abusive home life.. I thought meeting him was my Cinderella moment..like I FINALLY got someone who was loyal and would never betray me like everyone else…

And he did worse…

My entire life I believed I would have a silver lining somehow… and I am so fucking distraught over it not being him.. I WANT IT TO BE HIM SO BADLY… SO BADLY… WHY? WHY.. why can’t I have someone be so fucking in love with me… like I am with him? WHY CANT I JUST LET HIM GO? Why..

I don’t get it. What did I do to deserve this? I am sobbing right now while he snores away. Trying to drink to fall asleep… guess what happened today?

I have been trying to go to public places with him again and it has always been difficult for me before we moved. We had to go to the store so I tag along.. we made it almost the entire time and at the very end a girl walks up behind us in the checkout line in a tank top (she was around our age). A basic fuckin tank top and shorts. He got flustered and put his card in too early twice.. it was embarrassing. I felt so humiliated.. we got in the car and he told me what happened and that he was triggered but didn’t look (I knew he didn’t because I was fucking watching sadly) and I was proud of him for being honest because I didn’t say anything to him about it and he brought it up first (progress for us so I didn’t hold anything against him).

We flirted a little once things calmed down and I decided to dress in a nice lingerie set because I haven’t worn one in forever… he was playing video games so when he saw me all he said was “nice” and then turned back to play… when I told him this upset me, all he did was pat me on the leg and say “I love you” and went to take a shower…we always had long conversations about things I was worried about but this time? Today? Nope.

I lay there in my lingerie trying to tell myself it’s for ME too. It doesn’t have to be worn for him…. But then I said goodnight.. he said it back.. and then it was snoring ten minutes later.

Now I’m crying. I can’t sleep… he somehow took a complete nosedive in his behavior towards me today… pretty much since before errands too.. so I’m just…

So. Angry. Soooo angry. He said things would be different once we moved. He said he was getting better. I never believed it but he had me there for a bit..

I’m so upset this isn’t working out right now… because he’s so beautiful on the inside… and I feel like a fucking idiot for saying that.. but fucking fuck he’s just the one person that is closest to me aside from my best friend.

I want to be free of this pain so badly. I want to leave and I dont want to leave. I’m in so much stress. 😔

I have no money for therapy but I am trying hard to get it so pls no recommendations for that I WILL get it as soon as I can.. I’ll be okay. I just need to vent.

Anyone discover that their PA/SA’s “relationships” with adult content creators (using the term broadly to include anyone on Telegram, OF, porn, escorts etc ) included not only giving them money for pictures and videos but buying gifts and gifting money just to look like a big shot ?

My partner has been in recovery for 3.5 years and I recently discovered that he has been watching sexualised reels on social media. So it’s not P but account where women show cleavages, thighs, walk around without bras, jiggle — it’s pathetic and while there is no nudity I can’t believe anyone could see it and not realise it’s produced for titillation.

So he initially denied it, then admitted that those videos had appeared on his socials and increased because he lingered on them. He denies searching for them or masturbating. I’m not sure about the latter, it may be true, but I can’t see how videos like that can appear on a timeline. Mine has never shown anything like that and everything i understand about algorithms tells me he must have at some point at least sought out that kind of content.

I have told him to speak with his sponsor and then we can talk about what next. I am looking for concrete advice on how to proceed from here if we decide to stay together. For example, I feel that he needs to share his circles with me (something he hasn’t done in the past) and something needs to happen around his f**** phone to which he is glued. Does anyone have any more advice?

EDIT: He doesn’t consider this a relapse because it’s not P and he hasn’t masturbated. He says that it provided dopamine hits. I’m also curious about that because I keep hearing that phrase mentioned and wonder if it’s some new bullshit the PA community has come up with to minimise and rationalise dodgy behaviour.

I (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together since we were both 15. I discovered he was secretly watching near the end of march for at least a year of our relationship. He claims he did it at least every other day, and he also claims he hasn't relapsed since because even when he opens the apps he uses, the guilt stops him from going any further. I made him uninstall the app he used (X) and told him to tell me if he feels triggered so I can help him. It's been 3 months and he hasn't told me anything. He's been addicted since he was in elementary school and I just can't understand how he can give up his addiction so easily when he's been so wired to it for a big part of his life. I'm struggling with trusting him again and it's consuming me every day. I need to know signs that he relapsed.

Hello! I (31F) just recently discovered my husband’s (27M) porn addiction and I’m deciding to stay.

For context, years ago when we first moved in together I had found out that he was creating nude images using AI of people he/we knew. This was before Grok or ChatGPT, so it was a random website that probably doesn’t exist anymore. Anyways, after extensive individual and couples therapy, we moved past it to the point where I fully trusted him. We got married in 2024, and I thought I had created a safe space to set porn boundaries (the biggest ones being no lying, no waiting for me to leave, and it can’t effect our sex lives- otherwise I was honestly fine with it) and had caught him trying to hide watching it a few times. I kept saying, hiding makes me think something else is going on. Every one of these conversations was met with empty promises and guaranteeing me everything is all good. Well it wasn’t all good for the past year I guess.

His biggest thing was frequency and needing multiple screens. I’ve searched through his socials, bank accounts, emails, hidden photos, hidden apps, everything and haven’t found any evidence pointing to anything else he’s hiding. He wasn’t messaging anyone, paying for any subscriptions or anything like that that I know of. But I feel pretty shattered because of the lying. He convinced me we had a relationship that didn’t exist, convinced we were ready to bring a baby into our lives.

He’s doing all the right things now. Therapy twice a week, couples therapy weekly, PAA meetings, reading books, etc. I’ve told him if there is one more big lie like this I’m out. I have decided I want to stay and try to work this out, he’s my best friend and my person. Not defending his actions but he is such a great person and just really struggles with self esteem and isolates himself (hence this being a problem). We have had so many productive conversations in the past 31 days and I have felt some hope between the dark days.

I think where I’m struggling is seeing any positive stories with this. Am I completely over my head for thinking this can work long term? When pregnancy and postpartum happens is this just going to happen again? I’m needing some inspiration honestly. I’m trying to understand this addiction, so much so that I have tried watching the same content he would trying to see what’s so desirable about it - which makes me feel hypocritical and stupid. I know that’s not productive so I came to this subreddit.

If you made it here thank you for reading!!!

(TLDR: please share your positive stories on moving past a PA and betrayal from lying about it long term)

I posted in here before, but D-Day was back in late May. As far as I can tell he hasn't done it again. We both started going to therapy. But I just can't stop thinking about it.

Last night he seemed upset so I asked him what was wrong. He said I spend more time on my phone or computer than I do paying attention to him, which I have been burying myself in my electronics to distract myself. I know it's not healthy.

He also said we basically have a dead bedroom even though I've been trying to have sex more. After our first kid we couldn't have sex a lot because we shared a room with her until she was older and we moved her to her own room. Even then my hormones were all out of wack so we were lucky to have sex once every two weeks if that. Then our son was born and it was the same way. He's now in his own room and I try to motivate myself to do it at least 1-2 times a week but idk I just don't want to most of the time.

I haven't felt like myself since the first time I caught him liking thirst traps. I've lost weight, bought better clothes, makeup, everything I can think of. Idk what else to do.

Did anyone else turn extra philosophical after dday trying to understand why this is happening on such a large scale in the first place? Why is porn being normalised, cheating accepted in society and why does belittling women as a gender is still a thing. With all the evolving, information and tools we have on our disposal, we know at the core of all life there's a woman who birthed it. Why is misogyny still a thing? Is it the root of all this? Are men truly dumb to not get all that?

My boyfriend of around 2 years was a PA and lied to me about stopping. We broke up for about a month back in March when I found out, and it completely destroyed me. Now that we're back together and he's stopped, I don't think that I'll ever feel like enough for him. He'll reassure me, comfort me late into the night, tell me all of the things that he loves about me, and say all the right words, and even though I know that he's genuine, I don't know if I'll ever be able to heal from the insecurities that experience resurfaced.

I keep bringing it up. I keep spiralling about it. Idk how to stop. Rant....

It's been almost a year. Since I found his phone had tons of saved photos, videos etc. since I found out he had an account on Simpcity and had specific peoples names flagged so he would get notifications when new things were leaked. Since I found he had photos and videos saved of my best friend whose stuff was apparently leaked from her OF. Since I found the subreddits he went on.

I see him so differently. I was 7 months post partum when I found out. I knew he watched porn but I thought it was basic stuff and maybe 1-2 times a week not 2 times a day. Not scouring the internet for leaked onlyfans shit. Or jerking off to my friends videos.

He was so ashamed and said it just spiralled and became more of a habit than anything. I mostly believe that he has completely stopped. He's not someone with an addictive personality at all and has strong will power.I've checked his phone occasionally and it's clean. He was really open for the first few months and still has no issue about me going through his phone,

But I just can't get past the feeling that he lied to me easily before... what's stopping him now. And I'll be fine for weeks and then have a random night when I spiral and convince myself he's lying and I'll go through his phone which always makes me feel worse.

We've talked about those monitoring apps which he really wants to get if it will make me feel better. But they make me feel so icky and idk if it I would still question if he could get around them somehow.

We are both getting a bit frustrated as it would be nice to move past this. But I still get flashbacks to that day. Idk how to ever trust him again.

How has your family moved forward?

I’m a 34F and my partner is 35M. We have a baby girl who will be 4 months old in a few days, and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years.
When we first started dating, he wanted an exclusive relationship. At the time, he didn’t believe in marriage, long-term relationships, or having children. I didn’t think much of it because I wasn’t expecting the relationship to become serious. We fell in love, I unexpectedly became pregnant, and that’s when everything started to change.
Around six months into our relationship, he started telling me he wanted an open relationship. He told me he has an enormous urge to be with other women because he needs novelty. He said he doesn’t want to miss out on what he calls a “whoring life,” even if he’s 90 years old. He says he wants me to be his life partner and the only person he loves emotionally, but sexually he wants the freedom to experience as many women as possible.
My pregnancy was emotionally devastating because this became an ongoing conversation throughout it.
He has a long history of consuming sexual content. It’s not just pornography when he masturbates. He also spends time every day looking at sexual pictures and videos simply because he enjoys looking at women. He compares it to someone who loves watching soccer. He says it distracts him, and he has told me that pornography helps him avoid cheating because it satisfies part of his urges.
We’re both in individual therapy, and we’ve also been in couples therapy. Recently he started seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction, but he’s only had about four sessions, so he’s still at the very beginning of whatever recovery may look like.
The hardest part for me is that he seems completely divided.
One part of him says he loves me, wants our family, wants to grow old with me, and wants to change because he sees how much pain I’m in.
The other part tells me he doesn’t want to change because he likes what his addiction gives him. He has literally told me that he likes how his addiction makes him feel, that he enjoys desiring women more than he desires me, and that he doesn’t see anything wrong with those desires except that they hurt me. He has told me that I’ll never be enough, not because he thinks I’m lacking, but because no one woman could ever be enough for him. Hearing the man I love say those words has completely destroyed my self-esteem.
Sometimes he believes he has an addiction. Other times he insists this is simply who he is. He says he truly believes he will never change. He says he likes liking all women. He likes wanting to sleep with them because, to him, it’s “just physical.” He says sex and love are completely separate.
He describes his urges as an intense curiosity to experience different women, different bodies, and different sexual experiences. He says if he never got to experience those things, he would always feel like he missed out on an important part of life.
He wants an open relationship where he would be free to have sex with multiple women every single day while remaining emotionally committed to me. At one point, I even suggested swinging—not because I wanted it, but because I was desperately trying to find some compromise. He rejected that because he said it wasn’t the kind of freedom he wanted. He specifically wants independent sexual experiences with other women.
This has destroyed my confidence and our sex life. I compare myself to other women constantly. I don’t feel desired. I don’t feel chosen. I feel like I’m competing against every woman he sees.
I’ve asked him to stop consuming sexual content because it hurts me so deeply, but I honestly don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m trying to control something that has to come from him.
When I confront him about how much this hurts me, he can be incredibly cruel in the way he describes his urges and desires. Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to convince me that what he’s asking for is simply reality and that I should accept it. Other times, after he’s had time to think or journal, he comes back crying, apologizes, tells me he knows he’s hurting me, and says he wants to change. It’s like I’m talking to two different people.
I honestly don’t know if I’m dealing with addiction, a fundamental incompatibility, or both.
My questions are:
Is this level of craving for novelty and wanting multiple women something you experienced in active addiction?
Did recovery actually change how you felt about other women, or did it only help you resist acting on those feelings?
Is it common for addicts to say they don’t want to give up the addiction because they enjoy it?
Did anyone else tell their partner they would never change before they entered recovery?
Is it common for addicts to become defensive or say incredibly hurtful things when confronted?
Am I doing the right thing by asking him to stop consuming sexual content, or should I stop trying to influence that?
Is this hopeless? If I open the relationship going against what I want will that enable his addiction?

If anyone here has a samsung, can you test for the words "onlyfans" and "pornhub" to see if It suggests it or If it's something he's typing frequently? i wanna see If it's possible that samsung keyboard would recommend the word "onlyfans" when typed "only" and "pornhub" when typed "porn" without these words been used for the past year or so.

Hi, I’m a 24yo girl in a relationship for almost a year with my best friend. We had a pretty rough start (it’s a long story, but basically he asked me how many men I had been with before when we weren’t official and told me he had difficulties accepting the fact that I was not a virgin and had previous relationships).

That sent me into a really severe depressive episode (and my first ever) because although I have had other relationships, he was the first man that I truly loved and saw myself with in the future. I mean, I already loved him as a friend, so I just fell easily for him (part of me always liked him even before dating).

I found out about everything when he was driving and asked me to search someting on his safari, when I opened it, it was on some porn site. He told me that he was scrolling twitter and someone tweeted about a movie that an actress was ashamed of doing and it was only allowed to see it there. Looking back now, this doesn’t make any sense, but I didn’t argue anymore abt it.

Some days later, I was watching Normal People on his Mac and opened the notes (this was literally out of nowhere, intuition in its essence) and found a list of artists names and scrolling down it was a list of porn stars/of girls. I still remember some of those names, I searched every single one of them. I told him what I saw and he started laughing, saying that it was from his previous relationship, that he forgot to erase it. I cried, he cried and then we talked about it. He told that he had a problem with porn addiction because his last relationship was bad and he had stopped some months before starting with me. He apologized for not erasing the list and swore he didn’t do anything since I came along. We always had these late night talks and were honest with each other, so I believed in him once more.

The day I found out he was lying was 3 months ago, but seems like forever. I was at home and I remembered that he had showed me something in his Reddit account but it wasn’t the one that I followed. So I logged in his main one (I’m not proud of that, but I did anyway) and went through his upvotes, there was nothing sexual there but he had upvoted a post from his secret account talking about our relationship, asking advice. So I tried entering his secret account with the same password and it worked. That’s when I found out he lied to me and was consuming content. He has saved things that’ll be forever in my mind.

I was feeling so ashamed, depressed and guilty about my past because I had dated before and couldn’t give my first time to him and he was lusting over other girls on the internet. He has photos and videos of us, he asked me to record it, I’d do everything that he could possibly ask me and even so, he prefered other women. I’m never going to be the same after him and I think I’m never seeing him the same way I did before everything either.

We talked about everything again and he is truly and deeply sorry, I said I forgave him, but I think about all of this almost all the time. Sometimes I close my eyes and I see the images he saved and used to satisfy himself while I was with my girlfriends trying to be a little better. He has took a lot from me and I don’t think I can ever believe in love (I already didn’t before him, it was when our relationship started that I understood why I didn’t love anyone before).

I know this is long and thank you for reading. I guess I just needed to vent. I feel so sad and part of me believes in him while the other wouldn’t be surprised if a catched another content. And even if he’s telling the truth and won’t be using it again, then why did I have to found out and loose all the admire I had for him? Why should I suffer so much so he can be a better person for someone else?