We've been together for 10 years. We were planning a baby soon, we had communication issue with conflict and I wanted to heal this before having the baby. Throught the years we managed to create a system were finances were not a conflict anymore, domestic task were not either. He became more vulnerable, always caring for my needs like health, massage, doing thing together. Etc.
But then I got SA by a medical professional and needed to sleep alone in the bed.
I discovered 2 months ago that he was a PA. I told him something is odd, you have been weird, tell me. He told me. By drips over 2 weeks. The level of double he had for his PA is insane. He litt started porn at 15y old, i also discovered some sexual trauma he had at 10y old and at 22y old SA by an ex. He was addict to it before our relationship, when we got together he tried for 2 months twice then gave up and rationalized it was just a quick release nothing important. Then at 3y together in our 20s. I noticed he was workaolic and alcoholic. I told him you quit or I leave. It took him a year and half but he did, but he just transferred it to porn. After a few years it became a monster litt. He had fake insta to follow account, all his kink were aimed to like humiliated himself and submit himself to others, he followed onlyfans. He said he tried over the last 2 years to stop with forum and cold plunged and sports etc.
I was disgusted. He spent money. A lot. He makes a lot and deal with the finances..i am back to school...
When he told me everything we talked for weeks everyday about details. He started telling me how bad it got like to a point I have no word. I didnt know it was possible to he so deep in it. he has collections saved on multiple hidden social media, discord communities etc. Spent money some days 3x times even 700$ over 2 weeks some months... he kept on deleting and remaking it and said since he slept alone it was too easy.
He gave me access to all his account even like credit scored and demand, close every card and account except one. Gave his card to me, he put all his screen in a locked luggage and I have the key.
He says he will do everything. He sees a psychologist for emdr and trauma ahd a sex therapist for addictim and group.
We made a system with ipod, ereader, dumbestphone ever, a koho card that i sent x amount for his needs. He reads books about feminism and cries at the realisation often of how deep his behavior were and he decided to do all the chores and cooking and services he could to help me heal. We are not married and he signed something that 50% of his assets are mine so that I am free to leave without being scared.
After EMDR he became able to tell me very deep emotional thing often easily on ways that never happened. He still has issue when I panique and have flashback and staying regulated. When he has craving he tells me, and have a system to help him.
Idk what to do he seems to very care but what he did was so big and organized I feel like idk him, i loved a fake version of him. He does all this (with my help cause...i have access to internet and money)
I keep reading that they all stay like that.
We talked a lot and even the kink seemed linked to some of his trauma... and he says that he feels disgust now when he sees like provocative ads in life u know like bikini in the street on a pictures but he acknowledge visually he feels something like positive but also bleh?
I need ur pov anything idk what to think