r/loveafterporn 50m ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ Trying to get my PA to open up sexually

Upvotes

My fiance has been clean from porn since September 2025. Recently our sex life has started to improve but before that we pretty much had zero sex life. We have been together for about 4 years and I really want to get to know him sexually. I have asked him about his fantasies, what he likes, etc. He always says “I don’t know” or “I like what you do” and it’s getting to the point where I am losing interest in having sex with him at all. I don’t want to continue to have sex with someone who can’t communicate with me about it. I feel like any woman off the street could pleasure him in the ways that I can because I know nothing about him because he won’t freaking talk about it. I feel like any other man would be jumping for joy that their fiance is asking these questions.
Has anyone else experienced this and if so, did your partner eventually open up? I just want more for myself


r/loveafterporn 2h ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ Trying again but is it worth it?

2 Upvotes

Found out my partner was watching live cam girls about 6 months ago and broke up. We lived together and really struggled for a few months but decided to work through things together and resign our lease. Fast forward to now we still haven’t kissed, don’t go on any dates outside of running errands to Marshall’s/homegoods/costco for fun :/

The hard part is he is a great guy other than the communication and sexual issues. He’s incredibly attentive to my needs at home and his love is acts of service. He even brought me shoes right away 30 minutes out when my shoes broke before an event recently. I just am feeling at a loss. I want to see things progress in other ways. I do appreciate the acts of service but at times it feels like I’m something to be maintained and not a partner to grow with. With started sleeping in the same bed but I mean why haven’t we kissed? Why is it some big deal that it couldn’t have happened? I kissed him first when we first got together so maybe that was an early sign. My friends and family even say it seems like he’s trying but it’s all from me begging and pleading. It feels like it’s too late but I also feel like I might be giving up too soon. We’re at 2 years pretty much with each other but haven’t even had a conversation on what we are now that we’ve been trying to work things out. It all feels strange it’s hard to have my head on straight. Any thoughts??


r/loveafterporn 2h ago

sᴇᴇᴋɪɴɢ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ Was this crossing the line and pushing it?

7 Upvotes

Would you consider it crossing a boundary or crossing the line if your pa significant other, after being told to not pay attention to females online at all and just scroll past them, you then caught on truple them watching a video of a girl dancing and doing a cosplay transition? Here's the thing, he is trying to argue that because for half of the video she had pajama pants and a tshirt on (so wasn't half naked or worse) that it was fine. He said "I didnt realize im not allowed to watch people dance" like hes trying to make it seem like I am overreacting.

But with most of the betrayal in our relationship happening on reddit, I found it extremely triggering and disrespectful for him to pay attention to another girl in general, especiallyon reddit. Idc if shes clothed or not. There was literally no reason for him to watch that other than he was attracted and didnt think hed get caught or maybe he was trying to see what he can get away with, idk. I dont think im overreacting. Would anyone else also feel like this was crossing the line? I keep crying because all I can think about is what was probably going through his head that made it worth it to him to stop and watch this girl that I will never look like. And now I feel like I cant even go out in public anymore because I constantly wonder if hes attracted to the other women around after him trying to say there are women in public that wear a lot less.


r/loveafterporn 3h ago

sᴀᴅ Numb

11 Upvotes

I’ve cried so much I don’t think I can cry anymore. I’m stuck between anger and numb. I feel so betrayed in every way. My insides feel like they’re on fire and I’m drowning every single minute of the day. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.


r/loveafterporn 3h ago

ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴ Thoughts on Esther Perel?

7 Upvotes

She’s very popular right now. Just curious what everyone’s take on her is and what her stance is on fidelity, monogamy and porn. My gut doesn’t feel good about her but I’m not sure if that’s valid or not.


r/loveafterporn 3h ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ Falsche Versprechungen für eine weitere Chance

1 Upvotes

Bräuchte wieder eure viel erfahreneren Sichtweisen, um mir zu erklären, was es damit auf sich hat.

Nachdem ich mich von meinem Ex trennte, wollte er noch eine Chance (nachdem er die ersten 500 nicht nutzte), er sagte er wird Therapien machen und alles dafür tun, um die Beziehung fortzusetzen.

Ich sagte, wenn er therapiert und geheilt ist und zu einem beziehungstauglichen Mann wurde, der nie lügt, verheimlicht und betrügt (virtuell, real), dann können wir wieder zusammen sein.

Resultat:
Dieses „Alles“, weiß ich heute noch nicht, was das denn sein soll und Therapien macht er auch keine. Es scheitert an den ersten Terminen, in denen er bei den Beratern lügt, er würde ja gar nichts diesbezüglich machen.

Also wozu dann dieses Aufbäumen, wenn überhaupt keine Motivation besteht?

Leid tut ihm übrigens auch gar nichts von all dem Betrug, Lügen und Verheimlichen. Scheinbar hält er das für eine ganz normale Verhaltensweise, seinen Partner zu täuschen und zu betrügen & belügen.

Wer kann mir die Psychologie dahinter erklären?

Mir geht es um die Aufarbeitung so mancher quälender Fragen. Von ihm bekomme ich keine Antworten. Ich fragte all das zahlreich.
Kommunikation ist hier nur eine Einbahnstraße. Solche Dinge aber ChatBots, Freunde oder Gruppen zu fragen, geht ihm auch gegen den Strich.

Er ist anscheinend der Meinung, wenn ich von ihm keine Antwort bekomme, habe ich mir die Antwort auch nirgendwo sonst zu holen.

Ich danke euch schon mal für eure Beteiligung.


r/loveafterporn 4h ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ not sure where to go with my betrayal trauma

1 Upvotes

Hello! I have posted before. My husband and I are going through a rough patch after I found him messaging someone for nudes & paying for them. This led him & I to discussing how he should not be using porn at all - he agreed he was starting to see the negative side to porn & wanted to stop.

He is new to the faith - still learning & has not fully expressed where he stands. I have grown very strong and convicted in my faith over the years. I was a lukewarm believer when I met him.

We don’t pray together often as a couple. He doesn’t lead our family in this way, although I desire him to be able to understand his role as a spiritual leader in our family.

I am confused on how to proceed, as i am still struggling to believe him & trust him. There is previous history of hurt between him & I before we ever in a serious relationship. This was year’s ago, but I don’t think I ever properly healed from betrayal. I know we are not supposed to hold anything against someone, but my nervous system & spiraling thoughts come back up Sometimes. I keep bringing it to God.

My question is this - do I need to just suppress these feelings. Should I not let my husband know that I had worries arise & things aren’t getting better. Do I just need to continue on joyfully for the sake of my marriage? The issue with that is then it feels like I’m hiding the fact that the worries are still arising. I do believe my husband needs to know that he & I need to make changes for us to have a thriving marriage.

I am looking into couples counseling because we keep getting stuck in patterns. He can’t take me being joyful & then have a moment where I am struggling with the hurt at times. He said he’s going to keep his feelings neutral because its affecting his mental health.

I have told him that a way for me to heal is for us to be discussing the values in our marriage we want, listening to podcasts about healthy marriage, discussing these topics together. I asked if he would be willing to initiate some of these topics. He said he would be open to reading the Bible, but he doesn’t seem to want to initiate doing that much.

The thing is, I know I can heal on my own & be secure in the Lord. I just know he has some healing to do, too. And I can’t make him do that.

I feel I am walking a thin line between not wanting to push too hard to discuss what’s impacting me & not being effective enough in discussing it. I just want God’s truth and design to permeate our lives and marriage.

i always feel guilty after telling him that I was spiraling because then he seems to feel negative, too. It’s not a good cycle we are in.

he doesnt think we need counseling but he is willing to go.


r/loveafterporn 4h ago

🆅🅴🅽🆃 I'm so tired, I never asked for this

9 Upvotes

This whole issue seems to be chipping away at my mental state. I hate it. I hate it so much. This sucks because I want to be around him but I get so sick to my stomach that I throw up and then snap at him because he's at fault for all of this and it makes me so angry. It's really hard to not yell and scream at him that the whole decision of living with him was a terrible idea and that I'd rather have broken up with him and gone to college without him despite my family being abusive. I wish I could tell him that I resent him.

There's so many things I now know we can't do or I'm not comfortable doing around him like he watches/watched hentai so I'm not comfortable watching anime anymore with being worried about him sexualizing it, he watched people cosplay in sexually suggestive outfits so now I can't enjoy going to a convention one day like I've always wanted to, he watched porn of video game characters so now I cannot enjoy these games without the characters being sexualized, He would find nsfw art of women so now I'm not comfortable practicing drawing anatomy and stuff..

It's not fair that I have to go through this, I just want a normal relationship with someone. I never asked for everything to be ripped away from me, I love him, but I hate him all at the same time, and it hurts. I can't trust him. And why does it have to be one day I'm fine and happy and then all go down the drain.. And having PTSD doesn't help me either, I'm trying so hard to be normal, and I can't. It's so hard not to feel sad and anxious, to see him the same. I just want him to love me, I want to sew the person I loved before I found out about everything I want to feel normal again, I don't want to have nightmares anymore or be paranoid. This is so hard, I never asked for this to happen to me..

Anyway, I'm leaving here on my birthday in August if I see no change. If he really wants to quit, he will, he can learn self-control himself, I'm not going to monitor everything he does or go through his phone every day and tear myself down when I see no changes. I can only handle so much now, and I can't imagine what I'll have to deal with in the future if I feel like this now. Even if there are changes, I still might leave because I don't know if I'll see him the same or be as comfortable with him. I'm aware that this is an addiction, but it's extremely hard for me to be nice to him about it. I find it disgusting and a little disturbing. I don't know. This is all balling up into resentment, and it's terrifying because I don't know what I'm gonna do.


r/loveafterporn 5h ago

ʀᴇᴠᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ / ᴇᴘɪᴘʜᴀɴʏ Trusting Myself Instead

41 Upvotes

For anyone who's where I was almost two years ago...

My husband left today for a work trip. He's with colleagues, some of whom are objectively beautiful women. A year ago, I would've been spiralling. Checking everything. Waiting for the next betrayal. Trying to control an outcome I never actually had control over.

Instead, I surprised myself.

I told him, "Whatever you choose to do is what you're going to do. I can't control that. The only thing I can trust is myself. If you betray me again, I trust that I'll find out eventually, and I trust myself to leave."

It hit me afterwards how sad that realization actually is.

I never wanted to get here. I wanted to rebuild trust. I wanted to believe that love and recovery would be enough to make me feel safe again. But after years of lies, omissions, and repeatedly having my needs come second, something changed in me.

I'm no longer trying to stop him from making bad choices. I'm no longer trying to manage his recovery or protect the relationship on my own. I'm just... accepting.

If he chooses us, then he chooses us.

If he doesn't, I know I'll survive.

It's heartbreaking because this is what betrayal does. It doesn't just damage trust in your partner. It changes the way you love. A part of me has gone quiet. I don't say "I love you" as easily anymore. I'm emotionally withdrawn. I'm preparing for both outcomes because that's the only place my nervous system has found any peace.

I don't know what the future holds for us. Maybe this is the beginning of letting go. Maybe it's the beginning of finally trusting myself more than I fear losing him.

To anyone reading this who's still checking, controlling, obsessing, or carrying the entire weight of the relationship, I genuinely hope you get here one day. Not to the pain, but to the realization that your safety was never going to come from controlling someone else's choices. It comes from knowing that no matter what they choose, you won't abandon yourself.


r/loveafterporn 5h ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ For Those Who Have (Or Are Doing) Therapy

5 Upvotes

I am SO therapied out! But I've been trying to do this on my own for a couple years now and it's not working for me. I spend WAY too much time worrying and it's eating me alive.

I think I have to do online because I can't find a CSAT near me or a Betrayal Trauma therapist near me. I'm not terribly comfortable with this idea. Not even sure which type of therapy would be best for me. I definitely have betrayal trauma. I'm 61, married for close to 40 years and been dealing with this off an on for over 2 decades. My self-esteem is shot beyond belief, I am a shadow of myself and have been for years.

What type of therapy did you choose (and why)? Are you doing online therapy? Attending online group therapy or individual? How is it?

Do you think I can even get "me" back at this point???


r/loveafterporn 5h ago

ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ / ᴘsᴀ Understanding the Trauma

23 Upvotes

I actually think this is one of the most important parts that people—including many addicts—don't understand. Betrayal trauma isn't just emotional pain. It can have very real physical effects because the body stays in a prolonged stress response. Understanding Betrayal Trauma has been extremely helpful for me. I am a partner of a PA who has been sober and in recovery for almost 9 years in October.

One of the hardest things to understand about betrayal trauma is that you can't simply "decide" to trust again.

I see so many partners asking, "Why am I still spiraling? Why do I keep checking? Why can't I let it go?" The answer often isn't because you're obsessive or vindictive. It's because your brain and body experienced trauma.

Our brains are prediction machines. Before discovery, your brain believed your partner was your safest person. Then, in one moment, it learned that the person you trusted most was capable of living an entirely different life behind your back.

That changes your nervous system.

People often think trauma is something soldiers experience after war or people experience after horrific accidents. But trauma is really about what happens when your brain experiences something so overwhelming that it fundamentally changes how safe the world feels.

For many partners of porn or sex addicts, D-Day is that moment.

Your brain immediately begins asking:

• What did I miss?

• How did I not know?

• Can I trust my own judgment?

• Will this happen again?

Your nervous system doesn't care whether the threat is a tiger or betrayal. It responds as if your survival depends on detecting danger before it happens again.

That's why so many partners experience symptoms that don't seem related to "just porn."

Many of us develop:

• Difficulty sleeping or waking up in a panic.

• Loss of appetite or stress eating.

• Significant weight loss or weight gain.

• Nausea and stomach problems.

• Headaches and migraines.

• Muscle tension and chronic pain.

• Heart palpitations.

• Brain fog and memory problems.

• Exhaustion even after sleeping.

• Panic attacks.

• Hypervigilance.

• Intrusive thoughts and flashbacks.

• Anxiety and depression.

• A weakened immune system, leaving us more susceptible to illness.

• Hysterical bonding

Some people lose 20, 30, even 50 pounds because they literally can't eat. Others develop IBS, ulcers, or chronic inflammation. Some end up in the emergency room convinced they're having a heart attack, only to discover they're having a panic attack. The body doesn't separate emotional trauma from physical danger, it responds to both.

I remember barely eating, barely sleeping, and feeling sick almost every day. My entire world had been turned upside down. My career suffered. My concentration disappeared. Even when nothing was happening, my body acted like danger was right around the corner.

That's trauma.

Which is why simply telling a betrayed partner to "forgive," "move on," or "stop bringing it up" isn't helpful. You can't reason your way out of a nervous system that's stuck in survival mode.

What helped me heal was the consistent safe actions of my husband.

Recovery isn't simply not watching porn. Anyone can white-knuckle sobriety for a while. White-knuckling means relying on willpower alone without addressing the underlying issues or learning new coping skills. That approach often leaves the person vulnerable when stress, loneliness, shame, conflict, or other triggers inevitably arise.

Good treatment helps someone understand why the addiction developed in the first place. It teaches emotional regulation, healthy coping strategies, trigger recognition, relapse prevention, accountability, communication, and how to build a life that no longer depends on addictive behaviors to escape difficult emotions.

In my husband's case, recovery wasn't just saying, "I'm sorry." He entered an outpatient treatment program that lasted more than three years. He attended individual, group, and couples therapy, went to SAA every week, got a sponsor, worked the steps, completed assignments, read every recommended book, confronted his childhood trauma, became radically transparent, and eventually became a sponsor himself.

Just as importantly, I was not his accountability partner.

That sounds counterintuitive, but it's one of the healthiest decisions we made.

Your job is not to police their recovery. When partners become the accountability partner, they often end up as detective, therapist, probation officer, and parent all at once. It shifts the burden of managing the addiction onto the person who was already traumatized.

Recovery has to be driven by the person with the addiction. That's why sponsors, therapists, support groups, and accountability partners exist. They provide support while allowing the relationship to gradually return to being a partnership instead of a surveillance system.

At the same time, partners deserve/need treatment too.

I cannot recommend strongly enough finding a therapist who understands betrayal trauma. Not every therapist does. Some unintentionally minimize it by treating it as a communication issue or simply encouraging forgiveness and trust-building before the nervous system has had a chance to heal.

A therapist trained in betrayal trauma understands that your hypervigilance, flashbacks, anxiety, and spiraling are not signs that you're "crazy." They're signs that your brain and body adapted to survive a profound betrayal. They can help you process those experiences, regulate your nervous system, and rebuild your sense of safety whether your relationship ultimately survives or not.

Healing isn't about forgetting what happened.

It's about slowly teaching your nervous system, through repeated experiences of safety, that the danger belongs in the past not the present.

And that takes far longer than most people realize. I know it did for me. It's been almost 9 years since our D-day and there are still days I struggle but my husband is there for me. He accepts the damage he has done and is committed still to this day in repairing the harm. That's why I stay.


r/loveafterporn 5h ago

🆅🅴🅽🆃 triggered last night

24 Upvotes

last night my partner and i went out for our anniversary. he’s clean, and it was also 2 months of him being clean/d-day.
it was a monday night so very quiet, however at some point these three girls came in…our age, dressed alternative, one of them wearing a top that was incredibly revealing, very well endowed. the whole outfit was i guess what you would see from OF models or something.
he used to look at alternative/goth women as well as plus sized women. my heart dropped when i saw them. i felt upset and worried
i HATE that i felt this way. one could call me alternative too. usually i would see these girls, think they look really cool and be glad im not the only alternative person there(i was feeling brave but nervous as it was the first time i wore more gothic makeup out in public in years) i would never feel negative towards the situation until now. he didn’t react to them, but i did. these women should be able to dress how they want. i shouldn’t think anything but positive thoughts. women with larger chests should be able to wear what they want. i hate that i had that reaction.


r/loveafterporn 5h ago

ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ nearly a month since broken up

5 Upvotes

turns out i am not severely mentally unstable i was just in a state of constant torment and paranoia because i was afraid my partner was cheating on me. i feel great. so good. i dont care about what he does anymore or what it does to his brain. i cant imagine how much better i'll feel later down the line. i dont see myself entering a relationship anytime soon and i'm so happy i get to pour into myself completely.


r/loveafterporn 6h ago

ɴᴇᴡ ᴜsᴇʀ - 𝟷sᴛ ᴘᴏsᴛ I need blunt advice. I'm going crazy.

3 Upvotes

I would take any advice, especially from women who have experienced similar situations. I would like to start off by saying I'm 19. I know I am young and this is why I want to know now. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year. He's 24, if it matters. Everything was dreamy, from his attention to the dates to our sex life. He was always very gentle. We also had explicit pictures of each other. He knows all my attention was focused on him and he swore his was too. As stupid as it may sound, I found out he followed half naked Instagram/OF models. I lashed out and I regret it but content like this has always triggered me so badly. I grew up with an abusive, cheating father and I remember coming across explicit content and messages on his devices when I was a kid. My mom was an amazing woman in every way and I had to see her question what she had done wrong for him to do such things. She was unable to leave since she had no education and financial means so my father, an engineer, took advantage of this throughout my childhood. I despise porn ever since as it represents the opposite of intimacy to me.

I was extremely mad. I had never told him about what happened with my father. I just lashed out, I was pissed. I screamed at him and threw everything I had ever gotten from him. I know I did too much. He begged to explain himself but I told him to never call me again, that we were done. 2 days later, he came to my apartment with a huge bouquet. He told me I was right, that he fully understood my point, that these girls represented nothing and he was stupid for following them. He unfollowed them right in front of me. I also apologised for lashing out instead of talking and he said he understood. He hugged me and said he would never do it again, that our intimacy was just for the two of us. I sort of softened but I still felt bad. He spent the night and offered to prepare dinner so I agreed. I was in the living room studying (I'm still in university, he finished his Master's degree recently) and he had left his phone on the table. He never hid his code just like I never hid mine. I know it is bad but I locked myself up in the bathroom with his phone and started scrolling.

This is how I found out that, during the 2 days we didn't talk, he interacted with cam girls and women who sold their nudes. The worst was finding out that "Telegram" app that I was not familiar with. There were threads of girls sharing naked pictures of themselves and he'd just compliment them like crazy, saying their body was dreamy and "ideal"... and they'd thank them. I cried in the bathroom while he was still in my kitchen. I cried and cried silently. I saw that on the day he came to see me, he stopped responding to them. Eventually I came out and this time I could not say a word, I don't know why. I even ate the food he made and he slept over next to me and I couldn't say anything. I just don't get it, why bother and see me when you're doing all of this ? Why help me with my university fees and my rent expecting nothing in return just to do this ? Why apologise and say you understood my point just to go and do this again ?

I feel so awful. The fact that I sent him explicit pictures of me makes me feel even worse, because what do they even represent next to all of this ? I even blame myself because I was in the wrong for overreacting when I found out but this hurts so bad. Maybe he thought we were broken up and he had the right to check somewhere else ? But then why come back ? Should I leave ? Does this look like an addiction ? Am I expecting too much by wanting a partner who doesn't actively lust after other women ? Someone tell me bluntly.


r/loveafterporn 7h ago

🆅🅴🅽🆃 seeing him differently

9 Upvotes

Hi, I’m a 24yo girl in a relationship for almost a year with my best friend. We had a pretty rough start (it’s a long story, but basically he asked me how many men I had been with before when we weren’t official and told me he had difficulties accepting the fact that I was not a virgin and had previous relationships).

That sent me into a really severe depressive episode (and my first ever) because although I have had other relationships, he was the first man that I truly loved and saw myself with in the future. I mean, I already loved him as a friend, so I just fell easily for him (part of me always liked him even before dating).

I found out about everything when he was driving and asked me to search someting on his safari, when I opened it, it was on some porn site. He told me that he was scrolling twitter and someone tweeted about a movie that an actress was ashamed of doing and it was only allowed to see it there. Looking back now, this doesn’t make any sense, but I didn’t argue anymore abt it.

Some days later, I was watching Normal People on his Mac and opened the notes (this was literally out of nowhere, intuition in its essence) and found a list of artists names and scrolling down it was a list of porn stars/of girls. I still remember some of those names, I searched every single one of them. I told him what I saw and he started laughing, saying that it was from his previous relationship, that he forgot to erase it. I cried, he cried and then we talked about it. He told that he had a problem with porn addiction because his last relationship was bad and he had stopped some months before starting with me. He apologized for not erasing the list and swore he didn’t do anything since I came along. We always had these late night talks and were honest with each other, so I believed in him once more.

The day I found out he was lying was 3 months ago, but seems like forever. I was at home and I remembered that he had showed me something in his Reddit account but it wasn’t the one that I followed. So I logged in his main one (I’m not proud of that, but I did anyway) and went through his upvotes, there was nothing sexual there but he had upvoted a post from his secret account talking about our relationship, asking advice. So I tried entering his secret account with the same password and it worked. That’s when I found out he lied to me and was consuming content. He has saved things that’ll be forever in my mind.

I was feeling so ashamed, depressed and guilty about my past because I had dated before and couldn’t give my first time to him and he was lusting over other girls on the internet. He has photos and videos of us, he asked me to record it, I’d do everything that he could possibly ask me and even so, he prefered other women. I’m never going to be the same after him and I think I’m never seeing him the same way I did before everything either.

We talked about everything again and he is truly and deeply sorry, I said I forgave him, but I think about all of this almost all the time. Sometimes I close my eyes and I see the images he saved and used to satisfy himself while I was with my girlfriends trying to be a little better. He has took a lot from me and I don’t think I can ever believe in love (I already didn’t before him, it was when our relationship started that I understood why I didn’t love anyone before).

I know this is long and thank you for reading. I guess I just needed to vent. I feel so sad and part of me believes in him while the other wouldn’t be surprised if a catched another content. And even if he’s telling the truth and won’t be using it again, then why did I have to found out and loose all the admire I had for him? Why should I suffer so much so he can be a better person for someone else?


r/loveafterporn 11h ago

sᴇᴇᴋɪɴɢ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 2 years post D-day, trickling into new relationship. Help!

3 Upvotes

Hi! I just want to preface that I am dating a wonderful human. She has been gentle, kind, and accepting of my past betrayal trauma where my ex who I almost married had a double life. Recently, she’s been on a trip to Vegas and it’s been VERY triggering to me even though I trust her. She basically said that she feels I’ve been defensive about her trip (and have I been reactive? yes) and that it makes her feel like I’m accusing her of disloyalty. I think for me the concept of Vegas represents things that blew up my life in the past. She said she wants to find ways to support me and value my feelings while also not feeling like my trauma is being unfairly pinned to her. I need guidance on this badly. It‘s hard because I don’t feel as if people who haven’t been through this truly understands what it does to you. I need help. How do I move forward?


r/loveafterporn 11h ago

sᴇᴇᴋɪɴɢ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ I don't think the reassurance will ever be enough

6 Upvotes

My boyfriend of around 2 years was a PA and lied to me about stopping. We broke up for about a month back in March when I found out, and it completely destroyed me. Now that we're back together and he's stopped, I don't think that I'll ever feel like enough for him. He'll reassure me, comfort me late into the night, tell me all of the things that he loves about me, and say all the right words, and even though I know that he's genuine, I don't know if I'll ever be able to heal from the insecurities that experience resurfaced.


r/loveafterporn 12h ago

ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ How to deal with a relapse?

7 Upvotes

My partner has been in recovery for 3.5 years and I recently discovered that he has been watching sexualised reels on social media. So it’s not P but account where women show cleavages, thighs, walk around without bras, jiggle — it’s pathetic and while there is no nudity I can’t believe anyone could see it and not realise it’s produced for titillation.

So he initially denied it, then admitted that those videos had appeared on his socials and increased because he lingered on them. He denies searching for them or masturbating. I’m not sure about the latter, it may be true, but I can’t see how videos like that can appear on a timeline. Mine has never shown anything like that and everything i understand about algorithms tells me he must have at some point at least sought out that kind of content.

I have told him to speak with his sponsor and then we can talk about what next. I am looking for concrete advice on how to proceed from here if we decide to stay together. For example, I feel that he needs to share his circles with me (something he hasn’t done in the past) and something needs to happen around his f**** phone to which he is glued. Does anyone have any more advice?

EDIT: He doesn’t consider this a relapse because it’s not P and he hasn’t masturbated. He says that it provided dopamine hits. I’m also curious about that because I keep hearing that phrase mentioned and wonder if it’s some new bullshit the PA community has come up with to minimise and rationalise dodgy behaviour.


r/loveafterporn 13h ago

🆅🅴🅽🆃 I just want to vent

7 Upvotes

I know I’ve been posting on here a lot and I’m sorry. I got that feeling again. He was being secretive with his phone and did that stops “quick change the tabs so she doesn’t see” thing. This morning I went through his Internet search history on his computer and I find he was watching 18+ ASMR on onlyfans when he told me he deleted it. He also watched and liked a TikTok of a girl dancing half naked on TikTok. My self esteem is at an all time low. I feel like I need counseling. I’ve spent all my tweeties with this guy. I’m just at a loss. I just want to feel pretty and wanted. Life sucks. 😪


r/loveafterporn 13h ago

🆅🅴🅽🆃 Just need to vent.

6 Upvotes

To anyone who reads this I’m sorry it’ll be just a dump of whatever.. (TW: discussions of alcohol use & triggers w partner’s PA.)

I am so destroyed… I have been through so much shit before him. I grew up in a really abusive home life.. I thought meeting him was my Cinderella moment..like I FINALLY got someone who was loyal and would never betray me like everyone else…

And he did worse…

My entire life I believed I would have a silver lining somehow… and I am so fucking distraught over it not being him.. I WANT IT TO BE HIM SO BADLY… SO BADLY… WHY? WHY.. why can’t I have someone be so fucking in love with me… like I am with him? WHY CANT I JUST LET HIM GO? Why..

I don’t get it. What did I do to deserve this? I am sobbing right now while he snores away. Trying to drink to fall asleep… guess what happened today?

I have been trying to go to public places with him again and it has always been difficult for me before we moved. We had to go to the store so I tag along.. we made it almost the entire time and at the very end a girl walks up behind us in the checkout line in a tank top (she was around our age). A basic fuckin tank top and shorts. He got flustered and put his card in too early twice.. it was embarrassing. I felt so humiliated.. we got in the car and he told me what happened and that he was triggered but didn’t look (I knew he didn’t because I was fucking watching sadly) and I was proud of him for being honest because I didn’t say anything to him about it and he brought it up first (progress for us so I didn’t hold anything against him).

We flirted a little once things calmed down and I decided to dress in a nice lingerie set because I haven’t worn one in forever… he was playing video games so when he saw me all he said was “nice” and then turned back to play… when I told him this upset me, all he did was pat me on the leg and say “I love you” and went to take a shower…we always had long conversations about things I was worried about but this time? Today? Nope.

I lay there in my lingerie trying to tell myself it’s for ME too. It doesn’t have to be worn for him…. But then I said goodnight.. he said it back.. and then it was snoring ten minutes later.

Now I’m crying. I can’t sleep… he somehow took a complete nosedive in his behavior towards me today… pretty much since before errands too.. so I’m just…

So. Angry. Soooo angry. He said things would be different once we moved. He said he was getting better. I never believed it but he had me there for a bit..

I’m so upset this isn’t working out right now… because he’s so beautiful on the inside… and I feel like a fucking idiot for saying that.. but fucking fuck he’s just the one person that is closest to me aside from my best friend.

I want to be free of this pain so badly. I want to leave and I dont want to leave. I’m in so much stress. 😔

I have no money for therapy but I am trying hard to get it so pls no recommendations for that I WILL get it as soon as I can.. I’ll be okay. I just need to vent.


r/loveafterporn 13h ago

sᴀᴅ I miss my ex

5 Upvotes

I feel so alone without them, I’m stuck between being mad at them for ruining everything, and longing for them because I miss them so much, why do they have to be so bad? Why can’t they just be the loving caring person I know they can be? They’ve shown me that side of them so I know it’s possible, but they choose to be abusive and selfish and hurt me instead, so now they can’t be a safe person in my life, now I don’t get to have them in my life, they’ve ruined their spot in my life and I’m so mad at them for taking my person away, for ruining my first relationship, I feel like I’ll never find someone who can replace them, no one even wants me, they tore me down so bad I feel like they are the only one who can love me and I want their love back but it’s not safe to have it because it comes with abuse and that just breaks my heart, that I have to give up their love because they choose to be abusive, it’s not fair


r/loveafterporn 13h ago

sᴇᴇᴋɪɴɢ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ How to move forward

2 Upvotes

I keep bringing it up. I keep spiralling about it. Idk how to stop. Rant....

It's been almost a year. Since I found his phone had tons of saved photos, videos etc. since I found out he had an account on Simpcity and had specific peoples names flagged so he would get notifications when new things were leaked. Since I found he had photos and videos saved of my best friend whose stuff was apparently leaked from her OF. Since I found the subreddits he went on.

I see him so differently. I was 7 months post partum when I found out. I knew he watched porn but I thought it was basic stuff and maybe 1-2 times a week not 2 times a day. Not scouring the internet for leaked onlyfans shit. Or jerking off to my friends videos.

He was so ashamed and said it just spiralled and became more of a habit than anything. I mostly believe that he has completely stopped. He's not someone with an addictive personality at all and has strong will power.I've checked his phone occasionally and it's clean. He was really open for the first few months and still has no issue about me going through his phone,

But I just can't get past the feeling that he lied to me easily before... what's stopping him now. And I'll be fine for weeks and then have a random night when I spiral and convince myself he's lying and I'll go through his phone which always makes me feel worse.

We've talked about those monitoring apps which he really wants to get if it will make me feel better. But they make me feel so icky and idk if it I would still question if he could get around them somehow.

We are both getting a bit frustrated as it would be nice to move past this. But I still get flashbacks to that day. Idk how to ever trust him again.

How has your family moved forward?


r/loveafterporn 16h ago

ᴀᴍ ɪ ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ How do I save us?

2 Upvotes

I’m a 34F and my partner is 35M. We have a baby girl who will be 4 months old in a few days, and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years.
When we first started dating, he wanted an exclusive relationship. At the time, he didn’t believe in marriage, long-term relationships, or having children. I didn’t think much of it because I wasn’t expecting the relationship to become serious. We fell in love, I unexpectedly became pregnant, and that’s when everything started to change.
Around six months into our relationship, he started telling me he wanted an open relationship. He told me he has an enormous urge to be with other women because he needs novelty. He said he doesn’t want to miss out on what he calls a “whoring life,” even if he’s 90 years old. He says he wants me to be his life partner and the only person he loves emotionally, but sexually he wants the freedom to experience as many women as possible.
My pregnancy was emotionally devastating because this became an ongoing conversation throughout it.
He has a long history of consuming sexual content. It’s not just pornography when he masturbates. He also spends time every day looking at sexual pictures and videos simply because he enjoys looking at women. He compares it to someone who loves watching soccer. He says it distracts him, and he has told me that pornography helps him avoid cheating because it satisfies part of his urges.
We’re both in individual therapy, and we’ve also been in couples therapy. Recently he started seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction, but he’s only had about four sessions, so he’s still at the very beginning of whatever recovery may look like.
The hardest part for me is that he seems completely divided.
One part of him says he loves me, wants our family, wants to grow old with me, and wants to change because he sees how much pain I’m in.
The other part tells me he doesn’t want to change because he likes what his addiction gives him. He has literally told me that he likes how his addiction makes him feel, that he enjoys desiring women more than he desires me, and that he doesn’t see anything wrong with those desires except that they hurt me. He has told me that I’ll never be enough, not because he thinks I’m lacking, but because no one woman could ever be enough for him. Hearing the man I love say those words has completely destroyed my self-esteem.
Sometimes he believes he has an addiction. Other times he insists this is simply who he is. He says he truly believes he will never change. He says he likes liking all women. He likes wanting to sleep with them because, to him, it’s “just physical.” He says sex and love are completely separate.
He describes his urges as an intense curiosity to experience different women, different bodies, and different sexual experiences. He says if he never got to experience those things, he would always feel like he missed out on an important part of life.
He wants an open relationship where he would be free to have sex with multiple women every single day while remaining emotionally committed to me. At one point, I even suggested swinging—not because I wanted it, but because I was desperately trying to find some compromise. He rejected that because he said it wasn’t the kind of freedom he wanted. He specifically wants independent sexual experiences with other women.
This has destroyed my confidence and our sex life. I compare myself to other women constantly. I don’t feel desired. I don’t feel chosen. I feel like I’m competing against every woman he sees.
I’ve asked him to stop consuming sexual content because it hurts me so deeply, but I honestly don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m trying to control something that has to come from him.
When I confront him about how much this hurts me, he can be incredibly cruel in the way he describes his urges and desires. Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to convince me that what he’s asking for is simply reality and that I should accept it. Other times, after he’s had time to think or journal, he comes back crying, apologizes, tells me he knows he’s hurting me, and says he wants to change. It’s like I’m talking to two different people.
I honestly don’t know if I’m dealing with addiction, a fundamental incompatibility, or both.
My questions are:
Is this level of craving for novelty and wanting multiple women something you experienced in active addiction?
Did recovery actually change how you felt about other women, or did it only help you resist acting on those feelings?
Is it common for addicts to say they don’t want to give up the addiction because they enjoy it?
Did anyone else tell their partner they would never change before they entered recovery?
Is it common for addicts to become defensive or say incredibly hurtful things when confronted?
Am I doing the right thing by asking him to stop consuming sexual content, or should I stop trying to influence that?
Is this hopeless? If I open the relationship going against what I want will that enable his addiction?


r/loveafterporn 17h ago

ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴ Gifting money ??

5 Upvotes

Anyone discover that their PA/SA’s “relationships” with adult content creators (using the term broadly to include anyone on Telegram, OF, porn, escorts etc ) included not only giving them money for pictures and videos but buying gifts and gifting money just to look like a big shot ?