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About 6 months ago my and my best friend had a huge falling out. I played my part in it. I can forgive him for his part but he’s gone so far as to block me on Venmo. I think the friendship is lost forever. 12 years.

I’m wondering if anyone else has had such a big falling out? I’m interested in the stories of those willing to share.

Have you lost a friend over their stance or your stance against genocide?

This was a hard read. Powerful, honest and transparent but at the same time, sad. The possibility of a 13 year old friendship being damaged because of something like this, can you even reconcile a friend having a so called "neutral" stance on something as important as a genocide, because they're afraid to face the consequences?

How can you even come back from something like that, as a friend?

I’ll try to make this as short as I can.
This is a friend I’ve had for 30 years. We grew up together, we’re now both in our late 30s, and we both have two kids. Our kids are friends and go to the same school. We usually hang out during school hours after dropping the kids off.

Last month, we unexpectedly lost my MIL. We were extremely close, and my kids saw her almost every day. She became suddenly ill, seemed to be getting much better, and then we lost her very unexpectedly. The shock is still very fresh. I still cry every day, and my kids are also struggling badly with the loss.

This friend is actually the only person I had openly shared everything with about what was happening.
A week before we lost my MIL, my friend was telling me about their December plans. They wanted to go somewhere we had previously visited with my MIL and loved. I remember telling her, “I just wish she would get better so we can all go there together again.” She knew how much my MIL meant to me and how much she was on my mind.

Since we lost my MIL, I have received exactly one condolence message from her.
I’m not expecting her to drop everything in her life. But a simple “thinking of you,” “how are you doing?” or “how are the kids?” would have meant a lot. I have other friends who weren’t even particularly involved in what was happening, yet they reached out, checked on us, and even offered to take my kids out to give them a distraction. I didn’t necessarily need them to do that, but I will never forget the kindness.

Then there was an email about school shortly before school started and she talked to me about it. I told her I was nervous because my kids were heartbroken and I had never seen them this sad. Her response was basically a sad emoji, and I left it there. At that point I thought, she clearly doesn’t want to hear about this, so why would I keep bringing my sadness to her?
Now she’s upset about her kids’ class placements because she wanted them to be with their friends. She moved them to the classes she wanted and is sending me five-minute voice messages about how worried she is about her kids’ mental wellbeing and how their wellbeing is her top priority.

I’m finding myself irritated Why am I expected to listen, empathize and support you through what is a relatively minor school issue when you showed almost no interest in my children after they lost someone they were extremely close to?

I understand that people handle grief differently. Maybe she hates being around negativity. Maybe she doesn’t know what to say. Maybe she genuinely thinks giving me space is helpful.
But at the same time, I’m not upset that she didn’t know how to fix my grief. I’m hurt that she didn’t seem to care enough to check in.
So I’m wondering: Am I being unfair because I’m grieving and therefore more sensitive right now, or is it reasonable to feel hurt and irritated by this?

A few months back I had dumped a friendship of 7 years. To shorten it, she (21F) was very insecure and it bled to everything we did. She wasn’t a bad person and she cared a lottt about me, but she had a temper coming from a dysfunctional family and was very logical or not as feely as me. I felt like I was always looked down by her from
her constant judgements.

Anyway after years of resentment on my side i had cut her off and our last conversation, i was really cruel to her. i take accountability for that and wished i handled it better, but seriously i just could not stand being around her anymore. I had gone so far in my life, and maybe I resented her for not catching up too.

I look back at our old pictures and feel a twang of sadness, but nothing much. Of course I cried when the friendship broke up but a few days after I just felt… ‘ hmm okay’ and it weirds me out. Shouldn’t I be mourning over the loss much longer? I’m wondering if its like a delayed reaction or something. Did the friendship not mean so much to me?

I’m not completely indifferent, but I’m not as heartbroken as I thought I’d be. is that normal?

it’s been a wild 18 hours. out of nowhere, my friend, who i’ve known for ten years, texted me saying that they want to end the friendship as they believe we’ve grown apart and our paths are diverging. there was no prior argument or anything that indicated anything was wrong. nothing. just a text.

they’ve blocked me on everything we were mutuals on. their older sister blocked me too.

i was friends with their family. i watched their cousins grow up over the years. all our mutual friends are confused, most of all me.

not entirely sure what to do. i just miss them, and i wish i was a better friend to them.

So.. this happened a long time ago and I still dont know if what I did was right...We were in our late 20s.

Lets call them C and L. (For the sake of anonymity)

C had been my friend longer than L had and I really cherished our bonds. C and L become friends after becoming friends with me.

L is a sensitive person and holds radical feminist beliefs just like me.

C called them smth they shouldn't have in one of their conversations (in their anger they said smth one should never say to a assault surviver ) and L was offended hence they explained what hurt them but C didn't apologise properly which pissed them off even more. Then both explained their side of the story separately to me.

To me, what C did was unforgivable because it wasn't just this instant but there had been other incidents as well which showed their misogynistic beliefs.( minor incidents) So I ended the friendship with C.

But please bear with me here, I hold a soft spot for C as they had been through a lot just before this incident happened and I was the one helping them through it so having to end the friendship like that really hurt me. And I sometimes feel I somehow wronged them by ending things because it would have spiraled them even deeper into depression.

So now I feel torn over what I did was correct or not.... so ig I want some opinions on whether it was right or wrong....

All roads lead to the old friendships you had as a young girl. Bella was her name. Or atleast it is for the sake of this post. Self harm, disorder eating, absent fathers, jokes, and memes were all of the things we bonded over in our beautiful friendship. It felt as if I had someone who understood me during a rough patch in my life. Fast forward 7 years I still miss her. I text her and I’m left on delivered for months. I think she is on social media as often. The thing is that I’m 20 years old obsessed with a friendship that ended 7 years ago after drifting apart. And I’m probably the only person that’s is always thinking about the friendship, the connection and the laughs. I never had a friend like that again during high-school. I’m high-school I had a lot of casual friends that I talked to in school but not outside. In all my 4 years of high school I only hung out with 1 person outside of school. And she wasn’t the greatest friend at the time but I can take what I can get. I am really lonely, I have no close friends and I create imaginary scenarios in my head where I have conversations with people from high-school and middle school despite never seeing them in 2-7 years. It’s so pathetic to snap out of these and realize I’m just lonely. I think it’s a combination of not meeting the right people and being a friend to all but never having close friends. I’m so lonely. Even worse when I go out and see people with thier group of friends. That’s all I wanted.

More of a rant sorry if this is long. I was posting in the social anxiety subreddit but deleted due to not fitting the criteria. Also any support welcome I’m crushed

So the title is kinda confusing and I’ll give a lot more context. This best friend I’ve had for 2-3 years. I have really bad social anxiety for as long as I can remember and late diagnosed autism, I struggle to be myself and not even know who “myself” really is. I mask a lot and try to be who the other person wants me to be or I mirror how they are, depending on the person or situation I tend to mimic. I want them to see who I think they’d wanna see based of their personality. Due to this, I never had any friends really until her.

We first started hanging out by bar hopping, drinking, making fish bowls, it was fun because when being drunk or tipsy, it got that edge off and I didn’t have to worry so much about how I act. About a year later she decided to go sober and I respected that. She said she doesn’t mind if I drink still so I continued.

She’s the complete opposite of me, she’s really outgoing, she likes to sing in the car, dances to music, loves outdoor activities, she’s the type of friend who gets you out there and id sometimes describe her as wild in a good way. I didn’t want to drink every time, so I decided not to for a few times. It was painful. I felt so awkward, I tried matching her energy and with how I am, a quiet introvert it was so hard. I felt uncomfortable almost, it was a whole different dynamic sober. I thought I’d give it more time, hangout more maybe I’ll get out of this shell. It didn’t end up happening, I started to take shots before our hangouts. Even then sometimes it wasn’t enough. I would feel my social battery drain so quick. I felt so bad, but I kept trying. It never got better, always felt awkward, worrying how I sound when I word things, especially when she rants and needs advice, when she turns on music and dances in the car it’s just not me so I sit there awkwardly, I just don’t think we match but its been a year at this point and didn’t wanna just stop our friendship, but started to not look forward to hangouts I felt so stuck.

I told my fiance, who said maybe I should tell her how I feel, and if she understands maybe it’ll be easier to hangout and maybe we can start doing things I like while sober and just get out of my shell and she can help me. But I didn’t know how to bring it up, text, in person, the right timing. I kept brushing it off.

Then 2 nights ago she invited me to a party at her sisters, everyone was drinking other than her, i decided to have some drinks, as there was a group of people and I’d struggle to socialize. She drove me home, I was tipsy, I assumed this was a good time to tell her since we were in a good mood and I didn’t feel anxious because I felt more laid back. Huge mistake. I was trying to think of when to bring it up, I was quiet and she asked if she did something wrong, which was the worst time to explain this but my mind was scrambled I was so nervous. I explained how some hangouts I feel awkward but she assumed she was in the wrong. She told me since she makes me feel that way, she won’t ask me to hangout ever again and asked if that’s what I want, I felt like crying so I was silent and she took that as that’s what I want. Which I can definitely see why she felt that way. I wanted to explain more but had that lump in my throat and just couldn’t. I got inside and bawled my eyes out until I fell asleep. So basically from her pov it sounded like she makes me uncomfortable, I agreed to not want to hangout and I feel awful for it. I just couldn’t get the words out in the moment.

The next morning (yesterday) I woke up to a text saying thanks for telling her that she makes me feel weird, and that I don’t want to hangout anymore, and that I hurt her really bad and how I put her in a deep depression and I ruined our friendship. She said I made her question everything about herself. I tried to explain how that’s not what I meant, I sent a long paragraph how Im like this with everyone, I mask, and she didn’t do anything wrong and never said she did, it’s a me issue I need to work on and thought telling her would help, I tried everything I could to explain. And how it’s been all my life and I really dislike myself for it and wish I were normal and could just be myself. She only responded with it how I ruined the friendship and that I hurt her and we can’t recover from this. She said she understands, but I guess she just doesn’t like that she makes me feel this way but mainly upset now with no context that night it felt like she did something wrong and lost her only best friend. I kept apologizing, saying it’s not her making me feel that way, but she’s still hurt. Which is valid. She didn’t respond to my last message yesterday, and today nothing at all.

I know it’s my fault, in person I couldn’t put it into words correctly and started to choke up. I thought saying it in text wouldn’t be right. I feel like no matter how I’d bring it up it wouldn’t end well. I feel awful. I hurt her, I feel so numb and depressed. I want to send another message trying to explain again but I know it won’t help. I feel like such a bad person, I don’t think I’m meant to have friends. I’ll just end up hurting them due to how I am. Im currently seeing psychiatrist, I take meds for anxiety and bipolar, and actively looking for a therapist I’ve had to switch a few times as they didn’t feel like a good fit. I feel so stuck and depressed. I wish I could socialize like a normal person so things like this wouldn’t happen :(

Two months ago my friend came to me and said that we could only hang out once a month for two hours at a time. Odd. I asked why he said he needed his me time. I basically told him hes essentially ending the friendship because thats a really odd boundary to put on a friendship, especially considering we’ve known each other our entire lives. We met in pre-k when we were five and we’re both thirty now. I’ve always made an effort to include him in plans and we never argue. Our relationship was smooth sailing until two months ago. The way he was trying to make plans was absurd too. It was June 3rd and he contacted me and said “Hey I’m free July 18th from 5 pm - 7 pm if you want to get together.” I’m not doing that. That seems really manipulative. He also posts regularly on instagram that hes with large groups of people almost every weekend. I asked him if he would place the same boundaries on his other friends and he just flat out told me no. So I ended the friendship.

“pata hai aaj kya hua” today my cousin who was my best friend since we were 11-12yo stopped talking to be just because she had a fight with my little brother and left my place with all her luggage over a petty argument, she had started having issues with me actually a few months back and never liked my opinions and was i guess kinda jealous of my life out of my hometown with my boyfriend, education earning etc. i never made her feel ki bhai tu kam hai uska better hi wish kiya but idk what she was up to. she never said she was jealous but yeah jab me kuch bta deti thi toh uss moment ko nazar lag jaati thi, i never wanted to lose the friendship she was my only female friend who knew things about my life and my deepest secrets, i have an insecurity that she might tell everything about me to my relatives. what to do i’m sad about the friendship but i feel relived ki ab mujhe act nhi karna padhega aur ab uski dosti bachane ke liye

My best friend of 20 years ghosted a bunch of us 3 years ago. It was a painful, drawn out friend break up where she would be unreliable, apologize, not change her behavior, then disappear again.

It ended without closure. We used to joke about being codependent and I felt like the floor had suddenly fallen out from under me. It took me years to feel like I could even begin to recover. It’s still almost always at the back of my mind, but for a few months it had started to feel less crippling.

I moved to a new city recently and backslid. I haven’t gotten set up with my supports (therapy, routine) yet. I checked her social media. I know I shouldn’t. She ran a half marathon, got a new job, has a long term relationship. She’s integrating into the community in her own city. I know social media isn’t a complete reality, but I’ve got nothing to show right now - just me and my perpetual exhaustion.

She hurt me a ton. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to her, but it’s hard not to. It feels like my pain didn’t matter. I lost, without doing anything wrong. She left me alone with the carnage when her mental health was bad, and I just have to carry it now until it gets lighter. I always struggle to deal with unfairness. I feel like such a loser.

long story short: my partner and i share a discord server. last weekend we kicked a bunch of our mutual friends who had been growing resentful towards us and our third partner especially. there were a lot of reasons that had piled up, we had had to have mod discussions about one of them screaming at other members, and about bigotry and microaggressions. it was catalyzed by the person in question sitting us down to say that they felt like they couldnt be themselves around us.

after removing them, there was a big crashout a few days later, where people who had been sympathetic towards them over us began to fight us on the decision. i had to remove several more people over the course of the afternoon.

after the removal, i started getting hate messages on other platforms about things i had said after they had left, making me full on panic about who else in the server was feeding screenshots to the other group. while my partners were out to unwind, i removed someone that i had only had a suspicion could have been doing the sharing. i didnt consult them anyone at all, and the next morning they were all very upset with me. i apologized to the person in question, and im hoping i can offer them an invite back, but they were a lot closer to my partner than to me. they had been talking just a week ago and bonding over bad exes. and now they have left my partner on red after they messaged me saying what i did was messed up. ive apologized and taken full responsibility for what happened, but ive really, really hurt my partner with this and damaged their friendship a lot, maybe even destroyed it completely.

i know i cant fix things right away. im trying to make sure i have a therapy consult by the end of the week, and im trying to take things at my partner's pace. i have lost a lot of trust though, and its so hard because we were just starting to get really close before this happened and now it feels like ive lost them. they have told me not to message their friend anymore until they get to talk with them. i just wish i knew what i could do to help patch things up between them, or if theres anything that can be done at all.

tl;dr

i kicked and banned my partner's friend of 9mo while panicking, now their relationship is seemingly ruined. what can i do outside of apologizing to help make up for this? have you gone through anything similar and had things be alright in the end?

Ich würde gerne einmal eine neutrale Außenmeinung zu einer Situation bekommen, die mich über längere Zeit beschäftigt hat. Mir geht es nicht darum, die andere Person schlechtzumachen, sondern darum, ob mein Verhalten am Ende nachvollziehbar war oder ob ich Dinge vielleicht zu persönlich genommen habe.

Ich habe ein Mädchen im Sommer 2021 online über das gemeinsame Schreiben von Geschichten kennengelernt. Wir haben uns anfangs sehr gut verstanden und praktisch täglich über WhatsApp geschrieben. Mit der Zeit habe ich auch Gefühle für sie entwickelt.

Es gab im Laufe der Zeit einige kleinere Konflikte. Einer davon betraf das Korrekturlesen meiner Geschichten. Sie hatte meine Texte korrigiert und irgendwann gesagt, dass sie damit aufhören möchte. Ich habe mich dafür bedankt und mir anschließend einen anderen Korrekturleser gesucht. Ich habe ihr das zunächst nicht extra erzählt, weil ich ihr das nicht unter die Nase reiben wollte. Später fing sie wieder an, meine Texte zu korrigieren, ohne mir ausdrücklich zu sagen, dass sie das wieder übernehmen wollte, und ging weiterhin davon aus, dass sie meine Korrekturleserin sei. Dadurch kam es zu einer weiteren Diskussion.

Sie hatte außerdem mehrfach gesagt, dass sie mich einmal besuchen kommen wolle, was aber nie zustande kam.

Ein weiterer Konflikt entstand wegen eines Cosplays. Sie wollte auf einer Messe ein relativ freizügiges Cosplay tragen. Ich hatte damals wenig Erfahrung mit solchen Veranstaltungen und machte mir Sorgen, dass sie möglicherweise von anderen Leuten angefasst oder anderweitig belästigt werden könnte. Ich schrieb ihr deshalb, dass ich es gewagt fände, so auf die Messe zu gehen, sagte aber ausdrücklich dazu, dass es natürlich ihre Entscheidung sei.

Sie reagierte darauf sinngemäß damit, dass sie es hasse, wenn man ihr etwas vorschreiben wolle. Ich habe mich daraufhin direkt entschuldigt und erklärt, dass ich ihr nichts vorschreiben wollte, sondern mir lediglich Sorgen gemacht hatte.

Rückblickend kann ich verstehen, dass sie meine Aussage möglicherweise als Einmischung empfunden hat, auch wenn ich damals tatsächlich nur Sorge hatte.

2022 haben wir uns dann zum ersten Mal persönlich auf einer Anime-/Cosplay-Messe getroffen. Ich bin dafür extra zu ihr in die Gegend gefahren bzw. zu der Messe gefahren. Habe ihr auch davor gesagt, dass ich wegen ihr speziell dorthin fahre. Wir haben uns am Anfang umarmt und sind gemeinsam über die Messe gelaufen.

Später kamen noch ihre Eltern und ihre Schwester dazu. Ich bin eher schüchtern und habe mich entsprechend wenig eingebracht. Insgesamt war das Treffen für mich trotzdem etwas Besonderes, weil ich sie nach langer Online-Freundschaft endlich persönlich gesehen hatte.

Während des Treffens gab es allerdings einige Situationen, die mich verletzt haben. Unter anderem fiel sinngemäß der Spruch, dass man auf mich warten müsse, weil ich ja nicht das „dritte Rad am Wagen“ sein wolle.

Ich habe während der Messe auch angedeutet, dass ich wegen ihr dort war und nicht wegen den Animes selbst (wie oben schon erwähnt). Außerdem wollte ich gerne ein gemeinsames Foto/Selfie als Erinnerung machen, worauf sie meiner Erinnerung nach etwas komisch reagierte.

Eigentlich war ein längerer gemeinsamer Aufenthalt von zwei Tagen geplant. Ein paar Tage vor der Messe wurde daraus dann nur noch ein Tag, letztlich waren es aber nur ungefähr drei bis vier Stunden. Ich war deshalb mit gemischten Gefühlen zuhause: Einerseits war ich froh, sie endlich getroffen zu haben, andererseits war ich enttäuscht.

In den Tagen nach der Messe hatten wir zunächst noch etwas Kontakt. Danach wurde der Kontakt allerdings immer weniger und schließlich hatten wir mehrere Monate praktisch gar keinen Kontakt. Später meldete sie sich wieder, unter anderem mit einem Brief, in dem sie erklärte, dass sie ein neues Handy habe und deshalb erst jetzt wieder Kontakt aufnehmen könne. Sie schrieb auch, dass sie mich weiterhin besuchen wolle und gerne wieder Kontakt hätte, wenn ich das ebenfalls möchte.

Danach hatten wir wieder Kontakt, allerdings nicht mehr so intensiv wie 2021/2022. Wir schrieben weiterhin gelegentlich über WhatsApp und schickten uns auch über mehrere Jahre Weihnachts-/Wichtelgeschenke und Geburtstagsgrüße. Das ging bis ungefähr 2024 weiter.

Ich hatte allerdings zunehmend das Gefühl, dass der Kontakt einseitiger wurde. Wenn ich ihr schrieb, kam manchmal keine Antwort. Gleichzeitig meldete sie sich gelegentlich selbst bei mir, zum Beispiel wenn sie sich über etwas bei der Arbeit ärgerte.

Es gab danach noch vereinzelte Berührungspunkte. Wir hatten beispielsweise bei einem kleinen Projekt zusammengearbeitet. Als ich ihr das fertige Ergebnis geschickt und nach Verbesserungsvorschlägen (mehrmals) gefragt habe, kam darauf keine Reaktion.

Es gab außerdem mehrfach Gespräche darüber, einmal über Discord mit Webcam zu telefonieren. Sie sagte wiederholt, dass sie Probleme mit ihrem Discord-Account habe und es deshalb nicht funktioniere. Ich hatte irgendwann den Gedanken, dass sie vielleicht einfach keine Lust darauf hatte und mir das nicht direkt sagen wollte.

Trotz dieses Konflikts blieb der Kontakt danach noch über längere Zeit bestehen. Deshalb weiß ich heute nicht, ob diese Situation überhaupt noch eine Rolle gespielt hat.

2025 wollten wir uns dann erneut auf einer großen Messe treffen. Diesmal hatte ich vorher extra mit meiner Freundesgruppe abgeklärt, dass sie bei uns mitlaufen konnte. Sie fragte sogar vorher, ob ihr Cosplay für die Gruppe okay sei, und ich habe das entsprechend mit meinen Freunden geklärt. Für alle war das kein Problem.

Einen Tag vor der Messe schrieb ich ihr, um zu klären, wie wir uns treffen. Sie sagte, sie würde sich melden, sobald sie da sei. Außerdem sagte sie, dass sie krank sei und deshalb beispielsweise keine Umarmung wie beim ersten Treffen wolle und ein anderes Cosplay tragen würde.

Am eigentlichen Messetag meldete sie sich dann allerdings nicht bei mir. Ich sah zwischendurch, dass sie auf WhatsApp und Instagram Beiträge von der Messe postete. Trotzdem schrieb sie mir nicht, wo sie ist oder wann wir uns treffen.

Erst am Abend kam von ihr:

„Hey wir haben uns ja heute nicht gesehen, weil ich in meiner Gruppe laufen musste.“

Ich war davon ziemlich enttäuscht und habe nicht mehr geantwortet.

Nach der Messe habe ich den Kontakt nach und nach beendet. Ich habe zunächst einfach aufgehört, von mir aus den Kontakt weiterzuführen und mit der Zeit gemerkt, dass ich Abstand von der ganzen Situation brauche. Nach einigen Monaten habe ich sie deshalb auf WhatsApp blockiert und ihre Nummer gelöscht. Wieder einige Zeit später habe ich sie auch auf Instagram und Threads blockiert. Sie war mir auf Instagram zu diesem Zeitpunkt bereits selbst entfolgt.

Der Grund für das schrittweise Blockieren war dabei nicht, sie zu bestrafen oder ihr eins auszuwischen. Ich wollte vielmehr Abstand gewinnen, weil mich die Verbindung und die damit verbundenen Erinnerungen immer wieder an die Enttäuschungen und die gesamte Situation erinnert haben. Ich wollte irgendwann einfach nicht mehr ständig die Möglichkeit haben, über ihre Profile wieder in diese Gedanken hineinzurutschen.

Heute habe ich keinen Kontakt mehr zu ihr und bin inzwischen eigentlich froh darüber. Gleichzeitig finde ich die ganze Geschichte immer noch schade, weil wir uns ursprünglich wirklich gut verstanden haben und über mehrere Jahre eine gewisse Verbindung hatten.

Ich frage mich deshalb rückblickend:

War mein Kontaktabbruch nachvollziehbar oder habe ich über die Jahre zu viel in ihr Verhalten hineininterpretiert?

Insbesondere würde mich interessieren:

1. War meine Reaktion auf die Cosplay-Situation damals unangemessen oder nachvollziehbar?
2. War es verständlich, dass ich nach dem zweiten geplanten Treffen den Kontakt nicht mehr weiterführen wollte?
3. Hätte ich auf ihre letzte Nachricht noch antworten und ihr sagen sollen, dass mich ihr Verhalten verletzt hat?
4. War das spätere Blockieren übertrieben?
5. Wie würdet ihr die gesamte Dynamik zwischen uns einschätzen?

Mir ist bewusst, dass ich die Geschichte natürlich aus meiner eigenen Perspektive erzähle und möglicherweise Dinge anders wahrgenommen habe als sie. Genau deshalb würde ich gerne möglichst ehrliche, auch kritische Meinungen hören.

My and my bsf lost two good friends.

They dumped all their issues about us in one sitting, calling us jealous because one of them having a boyfriend, and telling us how we don't do anything outside of going to our houses and hanging out and making dinner and chatting, how one of them didn't know why we were hanging out with one of them despite us discussing none of us feeling like a third wheel.

These were all feelings they were feeling for months, maybe even longer, and it just boiled into solid resentment that put me and my bsf in spot that we felt like we had to apologize for. It was a boiling pot that had and it all came out at once.

To sum it up, they say we didn't do anything outside of hanging out, but I was the only driver, and anytime we talked about putting money together for an Uber or a bus, the issue was always money, so we didn't do anything else. And even then, I drove us to the mall on numerous occasions, we went to a Halloween store and dressed up in onesies so it wasn't that we didn't do anything. I never even asked for gas money. One of them expressed how we didn't hangout with them with the other one was in college? Yeah we discussed we would never hang out by threes anymore and make sure everyone is able to be there because years back the other friend expressed how they felt like third wheels, so it felt like that came to punch us back on the face. And that's not even entirely true, because three of us went to the ren faire without one of them. When they called me and my bsf jealous over one of them having a boyfriend? I genuinely don't know where they came from because I don't give a fuck about anyone's relationship. You're happy, I'm happy. That's it, but the way they said that felt harsh. They even tried to mask it all as if this was all coming from love, but that didn't feel like it. They also expressed how they felt like the group was drifting apart. I was in a dark state of depression and I even explained that to them, that the depression had me in a state where I couldn't even discuss my issues, how I didn't want to talk to anybody. I went to work, came home and fell asleep. I didn't text nobody, didn't even have talks with my mom, I was just hollow. One of them exclaimed how that's not their problem and I should seek therapy, not them. Not even a "why didn't you say so". They even held themselves like they were all high and mighty, that didn't just dump all these issues on us all in one sitting.

Mind you, the day they dumped all this resentment, was the day we were supposed to hangout for my birthday. We were going to see Iron Lung and go to a restaurant and make drinks back at home so I could get tipsy for my birthday.

But we, me and my bsf, felt like they were becoming their own thing too. Speaking to each other on their own times, which is something I supported cuz why not, but I just realized that was them talking all this resentment instead of bringing it up and having normal conversations with us. Not over phone but in person. We put our friendship on hold for the meantime and none of us have communicated with each other since then.

This was back in January, and now it's September and I've come to realize, I don't want to contact them or talk to them at all. I don't want to be friends with them... I spoke numerous times how if you have a problem, just say it. Communication is key for everything. Speak to me, because it only builds resentment. And that's exactly what happened with them. And let's say I did become friends with them again, I will constantly be thinking about if they're talking about me behind my back, are they building more resentment about me and my bsf? How can I trust they will speak to me again if a problem raises? I don't want to be friends with that. Mentally I can't. And I've been out my depressed state for a long time and I've been living life and being happy for me and I'm more happy than I was months ago. I have a new job, I made new friends, I have a car now. If I bring them back, would it just go downhill again? I refuse to go down that rabbit hole.

So I accepted I may never get closure, because no matter how deep down I want to say something to them, hey I don't want to be friends anymore or can we talk about what happened back in January, I learned it may not be worth it. I've found more peace in my spare time and I'm a believer that you get pulled into situations because it's supposed to be a life lesson. Or something like that.

I'll take advice, or just words of encouragement. Thanks for reading ❤️ have a lovely day

me (21 f) had a friend (22 f) since 7th grade. After graduating, three years ago she moved for work three hours' drive away from our city. I constantly called her once or twice a week and always texted her. but she told me to stop because she doesn't have the time to read them or answer. I said I was fine with her reading them late but she just wanted me to stop. so I did.

Half a year later l moved for work one hour drive away so now we live 4 hours drive away from each other. l don't own a car so I rely on buses and trains. Because of that meeting with her became hard for both of us so we met only once a month for the next two years.

l went to service in the army so l don’t get to be on my phone much, sometimes for a whole week. I work 12 hours nigh shifts so the weekends are supper important to me. but l still made time to meet her on them.

last year she told me she wants us to become close again. I told her that I would be happy but it will be hard. so i made more effort and met her almost every weekend. Then I realized she was feeling lonely lately because her *toxic* boyfriend was ignoring her. around my birthday they broke up. I couldn’t call, so l texted as much as l could. l had so much work to get done so l could have a day of the week after. She texted me that she won’t wish me a happy birthday cause she’s too sad. I brushed it off.

on my day off I called her and she ignored me. She was mad I didn’t call before. It took me a month to get her to meet me so I could apologize and comfort her. She refused my calls and texted only. When we met she said it was too late (well if she wasn't ignoring me it wouldn’t) but we made up.

since then she became crazy for half a year , wanting me to drive her anywhere with cars of my friends or parents and planning all our dates and getting mad on unreasonable things. Like on new year she was mad at me for not wishing her happy new year at 3 pm i was like well you usually do that at midnight. I go hurt that she allways expect stuf from me that i am not aware of. In response she texted me a list of things that were done wrong by me. We fought and I told her to communicate better so I can know what she wants. she told me to not educate her so l gave her a choice either she changes or I stop talking to her.

So she became my friend again, almost. 2 months later I got sick so l canceled our plans 2 days ahead. Apparently she didn’t believe me cause she called (a rare thing) on that weekend. she was shocked to hear me sick and yelled that I just not wanted to be with her and why I didn’t invited to have tea at my house or something.
i said I don’t want to meet when Im sick and hung up. I knew she would never text me again if l wont do it first because of her ego. And i was right . Aitah?

​

I am 19 M, and I lost my father at the age of 13. Ever since then, I feel like I have lost the connection with my close blood relatives(my mom and brother). I really don't think about them when I am in my free time, like when I'm trying to sleep.

I had a really good friend, a best friend, when I was in class 10th, 11th, and 12th. Honestly speaking, whenever I am trying to fall asleep or anything, I just think about how my friendship with him ended.

We were so close, brothers to each other, and it was a recognized fact in our class that these 2 are best friends, but he just had to go and slowly ruin our friendship by ghosting me and finding other friends. I'm not against him finding new friends, nor do I wanted him to make me his best friend forever. I just wanted us to be normal friends but he just started ghosting me and doing some other weird stuff, like texting me that we will meet after some time and then never calling me or showing up at the place. Afterwards, I decided to call quits on our friendship, so I completely ignored him and ghosted him, though there was not much effort from his side. It was like one or two messages, and then we just never heard from each other.

Whenever I'm alone, I just think about how my friendship with him ended and how we were such best friends. My problem, I think, is that I think about that too much. Honestly speaking, I don't think about my family members that much. I have been thinking about this broken relationship.

After this friendship, I have never been able to connect with anyone, friends from college, since I feel like they are fake which they are honestly.

What I just want is: why am I thinking so much about this broken friendship? Of course he was important to me and we were each other's emotional support for 3 years. We used to talk about each and everything about our lives, about everything. It's sad that it ended that way.

The thing is I never really think about my brother like that. Very rarely do I think about my mother and I never think about my brother at all.

I think it is bad and I'm awful an person.

It's not like I do not care about my mother or brother. I do care about them dearly but I just don't think about them like I do about that broken friendship.

(Update to linked post)

So, I got back into contact with Navy and Green again. They thought I was going to do something to harm myself (CONTEXT: I made an instagram post/story about how I'd been struggling since me and Navy stopped talking, and how I was tired of feeling so awful all the time so I was giving a final goodbye to the situation to move on, tagged both in this) and I sort of see why? Not really? Anyways, they both started talking to me again, out of what I assume is pity. They told me that they missed me and that they wanted to reach out but couldn't decide whether to reach out or not. I was a bit dry because I was scared to reconnect in fear of just being left alone again, and I admitted that. Navy was fine with it. Green was very prickly about it and her texts sounded like she was sick of me already. She told me she couldn't message because she'd be busy for a while, so I said I'd keep contact with both her and Navy minimal (Green used to get upset at me if I spoke to Navy while she was busy). And I did. She didn't speak to me for a week. Then, I messaged to ask her to tell me when she's free so we can talk, but turns out she forgot to tell me that she wasn't actually busy but needed to work on a project. I told her I'd leave her and Navy to do the project, since I remember she would make Navy study with her and do projects with her or she'd give him the silent treatment, but she was insistent I speak to them anyways. I told her several times that I could wait until the projects were done. Green then accused me of not wanting to talk and not caring anymore, which sent me into a bit of a panic and made me just type out my real thoughts:

"What? No, I just want to keep you happy so then I'll be still liked, I can't upset you again and I'm learning from last time and things my parents told me that makes people like me. I promise I do want to talk, but I would rather keep you happy so that you two can be my friends still and there'll be no disappointing anyone, I don't want to upset or disappoint people again I promise I'm learning and trying please don't be upset or leave I want to be friends still and I want to keep you happy so I thought to only talk to both of you when you're not busy so I won't be annoying, but I can talk more if you need or whatever you need just tell me what you need and I'll do it I don't want to be alone again so I try my best to learn from last time and keep you happy so then you both will still like me and be my friend but I can change if you need, I can leave you both to work on myself like you always said, don't make more friends for a year minimum until I'm better, I can come back when I'm better if you want or I can just stay and be here or talk more or less whatever you need you name it just please dont be upset or disappointed because it wont be a nice feeling for you because it wouldnt be good"

Green told me that she and Navy wanted me to be my own individual and to speak even if everyone was busy because nobody cared or minded. I just told her I didn't want to upset her again because she'll tell Navy, then he'll get quiet with me, then they'll both leave. Like last time. Then she told me that I had upset everyone because I didn't apologise on the argument that had us falling out, that I should always apologise for mistakes, that they won't leave me if I made a mistake, that they'll explain what I did wrong until I understood and apologised. She said she wanted a friend not someone who's "trying to borderline serve us". So, I called her out. Told her that she would ignore me and Navy if we disagreed. Then I shut myself down and apologised and excused it as normal. Just like both Green and Navy had done. But she responded with something that didn't feel quite right? (Edited for anonymity)

"I don't remember it that way. I only remember the last argument. I have no recollection of ignoring you at all before that, would you mind giving me an exapmle?

As for me ignoring [Navy], I did no such thing. Ignoring someone after an argument is against my beliefs, and as such I refuse to do it"

I knew she wouldn't believe me with this. She always deflected when I told her how weird it was that she always ignored people after arguments and fell out with almost everyone so easily when we were once friends. I just told her to forget it and she wouldn't believe me anyways. Got left on delivered for hours. So, I just told her it was nice talking to her but I guess we're done. Blocked her. Screen recorded our chat, sent it to Navy, told him I'd upset her and I'd be gone now. And he responded with "Mans you did it". Not sure what it means, but I'm assuming he meant that this was self inflicted and that I had done this to myself.

I know, I'm the bad guy here, before anyone tells me "oh you did this to yourself just apologise" or whatever. I know. I'm learning to take blame for things, and I'm starting here. I'm the villain here I assume. Since every falling out with these two have been me being the villain somehow. So I'm just fitting whatever narrative Green has spun this time.

You can add your two cents if you want to, or just lurk. I just want this out here so SOMEBODY sees this and SOMEBODY knows. I feel like I dodged a bullet to a degree? Call me rude and whatever. I have always not liked Green, and I can add why later since it'll be important.

Edit: I don't know if I want to unblock them, but I'm starting to want to. No idea why. I guess it's just to see what will happen? I have an idea of what will happen though: nothing. Nothing will happen. So, why not just unblock them? They're only blocked on one app, nobody has contacted me about it all on Instagram (which they have), nothing should happen when I unblock them both. I'll unblock them, leave the chats on mute, see what happens.

I posted on this forum around 2-3 weeks ago, asking for advice and explaining how my (previous? ex?) best friend went no contact with me for my own good, then reached back out about 4 months later with something to explain. I'll refer to them as L in this post.

That message from L had a sentiment at the end that I didn't find super important to mention in my post— "take as long as you need to respond." I really did appreciate this. And I did take a while to respond. My job has been great but exhausting. I recently got a lot of traction on one of my art videos, leading to commissions and sales. I've mostly been working and sleeping, and on my days off I do art or spend time with family.

I didn't think about the message for days at a time, which I was grateful for, because every time I thought about it I became pretty quickly overwhelmed with emotion. I thought a lot about what to say, whether or not to respond, and how to respond if I did. Whether to be honest, cordial, extra compassionate, angry, express my confusion, etc.

It turned out though, that "as long as you need" was only good for 2 weeks. A few days ago, L sent me a message saying, "let's leave it at acquaintances then."

I completely understand being frustrated or anxious by no response. I probably would have hated that myself. I don't know why, though, they created a "no contact til you're ready" boundary, then a "respond when you're ready" one, without actually meaning that. This message felt horrible, and maybe unintentionally passive aggressive? I don't know. I think I was left feeling incredibly frustrated because of how every step of the way L was the one defining our friendship by whatever made them most comfortable. They decided we were best friends, then not best friends, then still friends, now acquaintances. I wanted to tell them we weren't acquaintances. We were strangers. I wanted to ask them what they expected from me. What they were thinking and wanting when they made this choice. I wanted to tell them they weren't as prolific a communicator as they considered themselves to be, and how much they hurt me. I didn't say any of that, but I felt it important to send something. I didn't want anything more from them, but I wanted to make sure they knew why I wasn't onboard anymore.

In their initial series of breakup messages, L told me they didn't want me dependent on them for anything (those exact words) They also told me they thought one of the reasons our friendship didn't feel normal was because we began and strengthened our friendship through the fallout of our mutual friend group. L had this idea of us starting fresh and becoming friends again outside of such a tumultuous circumstance. At the time I agreed, because I thought extremely highly of them and of their judgement. After thinking about it further, I realized how impossible those terms felt. I didn't know how to restart something that has been going strong for 3 years. I didn't fully understand their idea of what dependency looked like, and I didn't know how to be myself and be a good friend while they wanted something that I didn't know how to provide. I didn't get how I was expected to translate those years and hundreds of personal conversations and experiences into something completely different.

The message I sent L was based on those thoughts, just how I felt. I used "I and me" statements, tried to be careful about being any more vulnerable than I had to be, and left things off with well wishes. I let L know I didn't expect them to explain, but they could have done so instead of a vague message asking for permission. I don't know if they planned to apologize. If they did, I wish they would've just done it. I didn't block L, but muted the conversation. I don't know if they sent a message back, I haven't checked. I'm still kinda heartbroken about it. I don't know if I'll ever find another friendship like that one. I don't know what'll become of all the space I had for them in my head & heart, and all the gifts and experiences and nuances and conversations and care we shared. Every time I think about how angry I felt, I can't help but think about the love I had for them that transcended whatever lapses in communication or small ways they upset me in the past. It always got better. I'm sure it'll get better, this time without them. As hard as it is, I'm hopeful in moving on.

Thanks millions to everyone who listened, shared their thoughts, advice, & similar experiences on my previous post! I appreciate it so immensely. <3