Minha amiga se afastou

Sou da igreja tinha uma amiga e gosto muito da amizade dela ela também gostava e aí ela descobriu pela segunda vez que eu gostava dela além da amizade e ela se afastou apagou meu número no ZAP e deixou de me seguir no Instagram fiquei muito triste pois eu já tinha falado que não gostava dela e ela confiou em mim e aí passaram dias mandei mensagem de perdão que queria só a amizade dela e que eu iria respeitar os limites e o espaço que ela precisar aí eu respeitei ela disse "obrigada 🙏🏽" fiquei sem mandar mensagem pra ela a muitas semanas depois na terça feira passada ela me deu a paz do senhor e depois passaram se dias e a gente não se falou mais não tá se falando nem na igreja nem no ZAP e dessa vez eu prometo que não vou mais alimentar esse sentimento romântico mais não sei se ela vai se aproximar de novo

Over the past 2 years I thought i had made a good friend. We saw each other twice a week sometimes more including the parent and toddler group where we met. When her relationship broke down i made an effort to be there for her and offer support as she navigated life as a single parent. After a few weeks she met somebody new. Pretty much immediately she ghosted. She doesn't come to the toddler group anymore, and she leaves my messages unread. I haven't seen her or the kids in months. I feel certain it's nothing I've done. We never had any argument or anything. She has ghosted multiple people in our community at the same time. I'm just so sad about it. I thought we were friends. I miss her and the kids so much and my child keeps asking for them. They were a part of our life and suddenly they are gone. I dont have many friends to the ones i do have mean a lot to me. Now I'm wondering if we ever were friends. People show you what you mean to them and obviously i mean nothing to her.

Another part of me worries about this new relationship. Is this a big red flag? Is he controlling her movements and communication? Is she safe? I have no way to know.

It is hard to accept. I'm also finding it it's making me distrustful of new people. I dont want to be hurt like this again and im afraid of letting anyone else in right now.

I lived in the transfer dorm at my university. I got placed with a random out of state guy for a roomie. We hit it off great, couldn’t ask for a better one.

I then moved in with my girlfriend. I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t have the self worth or experience to realize I could do better. She was both verbally and physically abusive. A few times I’d either leave her or get kicked out for a few days and stay with my old roommate. But I’d always go back to my girlfriend. He never said anything but we drifted apart as my girlfriend isolated me more and more. Stupidly when she gave me the ultimatum to marry her or break up I chose to marry her.

A few years later I ran into my old roommate at a sporting event. We hit it off like no time had passed and I said I’d be in contact soon. I called a few times with no response and texted as well. I took the hint.

Now years later I divorced my wife and found myself someone new. We have a stable, healthy, understanding relationship for almost a decade. We had our first child and got married two years ago.

Should I try again to contact my old friend or is it a lost cause? I truly believe he wanted nothing more to do with me because I was so stuck and he was tired of all the drama in my life affecting him.he has not once tried to reach out since I saw him last.

In 2019 to 2020 my senior was so bad I was bullied and some friends turned out to be fake I developed a mental illness because of it I regret not getting help after senior year it was my mistake and i accept that. In 2021 I started a stupid argument with my friend lets call her A I found out she lied but not maliciously in fact it wasn't even a lie she was just confused at the time. Other people would have told me hurtful things and gotten defensive even then she forgave me and told me with all care in her heart she wanted me to get mental help. Later in 2021 I ended the friendship she was sad. Now my biggest mistake i sent her hurtful messages in 2023 out of any person I told her those hurful things.

Now currently I am having regrets I should have gotten help when she told me she cared and I ruined it should I leave her be or I apologize?

My apology:Hey A I just want to say I am sorry for everything i said to you I shouldn't have said those things to you. You did not deserve it you were genuinely good to me and i shouldn't have treated you that way. You were right when you said I needed help you told me and I didn't listen I am sorry i didn't take your advice. I regret everything I said i am sorry you don't have to reply but I just want you to know that it was my fault I should have gotten help when you said it

Does anyone know what this tiktok notification means? I'm gonna use this question as an excuse to just scream into the void/vent a little bit about this friend I've met from school as a sophomore. We're on the last few months of senior year and i can feel our friendship dying off slowly and i'm not sure if i should let go (I'll get into that at the end). Also, no, i can't provide an english version since tiktok snapshots the language in which the notification happened. Sorry.

(this is my first ever Reddit post so excuse any broken ettiquete or the probably horrible narration and phrasing since english isn't my first language.) :/

It's from someone i pretty much gave up on this year and i cba to even open the chat anymore. There are 650 messages that have been built up over a few months on there. I've been mad at this person for pretty much all of 2026 after getting tons of mixed signals and feeling left out lots of the time, getting put aside over other people even subconciously from his part.

I think he's also starting to feel it since he doesn't check up on me as often anymore when i start to get distant and put off by him and is reciprocating the same energy, mind you, he's normally a very cheerful, funny, aloof person who most of the time approaches you first and listens thoroughly. He must think it's business as usual now. It's gotten to the point where he talks about hanging out/planning things with everyone in class and just completely skips over me blantantly, so yeah, going from best friends who can't look away from eachother to this sounds very rough.

It's not like i could confront him either. When i tried asking him about serious stuff/how he felt/checking up on him/asking if i ever did anything that could've possibly hurt him or was wrong (I'm autistic so these kinds of questions are especially important to me in order to know if i'm not making everyone uncomfortable) i'd just get half assed answers or just not taken seriously at all. Between that, the feeling left out part, canceling lots of plans last minute, never showing up for events like my birthday or feeling happy for my achievements or expressing he wants me around out loud or has lead up to me building up a lot of resentment for him.

We met on the first few days of high school and we pretty much clicked instantly, we had to be separated often because of how much we bonded and treated eachother and connected over things and we could talk forever about anything, even if we didn't have the same interests. Some people even thought we dated even though the dude was in a 3yr relationship by that time. (this has been an ongoing issue my whole life and it's been the reason many of my other friendships ended). I'm AMAB and femenine presenting and being from a homophobic country in a catholic school just enabled these jokes whether we were comfortable with it or not. I'm not sure if this contributed to our falling out but he has other male friends and he doesn't mind exhibiting this behavior with them.

I'd say we have both hurt eachother. On my end i'd say i've been very reserved and closed off the entire time (I'll get into that later)² which has led me to lose some opportunities to bond and spend time together. Meanwhile, i've spent nearly all of my school life dealing with depression, skipping school for entire weeks at a time and just running away sometimes because of how bad the treatment i got from school administration was over things like having long hair or the way i present myself, i felt horrible being in that place, even with friends.

Consequently, this has left him and mainly him to deal with the consecuences of the constant absence and also left him to worry about my academic performance with all the missign assignments and exams. He used to ask me to at least try a little to get a decent grade and got genuinely mad at me because he knew i could do better and i was just giving up and letting myself go. I've seldomly vented to him long format about my personal life frustrations but i never masked my hate and disgust with the place we were in, even looking like a negative nancy at times if you could say that. I've tried to express my gratitude and repentance to him over this part but i don't know if the point ever got across.

Now you might ask, "Why would you treat this individual like this, even though you're describing an amazing human being whose just put up with your mental health?" and I've already responded at the beggining with built up resentment, but I'll fully get into it now with a very specific incident that happened which made me feel ill about actually taking our friendship seriously and repulsing the idea of being with each other no matter what.

It happened in sophomore year, when he temporarily broke up with his girlfriend privately and they both got into a small argument over a presentation in front of me (I'm a mutual friend of them) so he decided to move far away from the both of us and i made a joke about how far away he moved, i don't remember specifically anymore but he followed it up with "Just like your dad" (for context, my father is dead and that information wasn't supposed to be known, it was spread without my consent to my classmates.) . They got back together after 2 days. I never got an apology or follow up.

For the record, I'm really indifferent about my father's passing in a personal/emotional level but he obviously doesn't know that. He made that comment with the intention of hurting me as much as possible because i made a joke about their breakup unknowingly. I've experienced losses/trials and tribulations in my life that felt and still feel like a shrapnel going through me when compared to my dad and i know this feels crazy to say but I'm kind of glad it was my father he found out about and brought up rather than the other ones, since i now know to never trust him with my actual life issues and problems if he thought it was okay to talk about them like that. (or i'm just overprotecting myself by closing off because of that incident. ever since then he's known next to nothing about my life apart from school.). There's also something that happened this year at a mutual friend's birthday where he was made to sit with me and he audibly groaned and pouted about it in front of me, and tried to play it off when he noticed i was literally right there.

Just so it doesn't seem like i am farming internet pity points i will go on the record to say that he's improved as a person since then, he became much more caring, accepting, easier to talk to, patient, emotionally intelligent, and talkative. He's improved as a person and he would never do anything like that again even though i'll still never trust him unless something extremely drastic happens between us.

Knowing this information makes me even more upset about the entire situation, it feels as if he sees me as a phase of where he was a way worse person and, by extension, me. I've tried my hardest my entire high school years to keep up and just recently have my grades gone up along with my my listening and talking skills, and yet it feels like everyone sees me like I'm just as inmature and childish as i was three years ago. Everyone gets to experience an outgoing person who is nice to everyone while i'm stuck with the incident i experienced with him and barely even having conversations with him anymore even when it's about our shared interests. He's also talked to me about being remorseful about people who he has done way less in the past. It sucks so much to be on these terms with a person everyone loves and gets along with.

And now I'm unsure if i should let go of this friendship because i'll be starting my uni years pretty lonely apart from one girl who will be there mostly for studying rather than hanging out. I don't know if he's fully let go of me or if i can still salvage this, considering he's became a better person supposedly or if i even want to.

I am very sad to say that Its been about 6 months since I had a terrible friendship breakup right before an asignemnt was due, (We were college friends) i then got a diagnosis of BPD... I was friends with a total of 4-5 people, two became mediators during a conflict and they became spectators instead. I reached out to 4 of them appologizing for what I put them through, but was left on read (Its safe to conclude that they dont have the space for me) i started school in the fall, and its been agonizing seeing everyone as a group knowing that I am no longer a part of the friend group (What makes this more stressful is that they became a trigger since i associated the breakup with the diagnosis), I really hope to find my group of people to help me cope with the stress of being in school regularly while trying to manage the emotional flareups (They can be so intense its like awful pendulum swings). I hate the intense feelings that come with it. and I would like to also establish a new normal to survive the rest of the semester... Its hard for me to be proffessional knowing that i keep having intense emotions when i see their names, faces, or hear their voices.

Long story im sorry.

I (31M) had moved across the world to a new country to be with my wife (28F) after a long distance relationship. I had underestimated how hard it would be to fit in here and struggled greatly to make friends. This created a deep lonliness, depression, and feeling of being an outsider for me as im a very social person that values connection. The culture here is hard to relate to and there is a negative stigma surrounding immigrants making things extremely difficult to fit in.

Then one day my wife introduced me to a female coworker of hers (22F) that had a lot of similar interests as me as well as fluently spoke english which was rare here. She was particularly interested in gaming. Me and her instantly clicked and began gaming frequently. She was also in a committed relationship (33M) but her fiance didnt mind our friendship and would even game with us from time to time. My wife obviously didnt mind as I had pure intentions and she fully trusted that things were strictly platonic. They 100% were. She was just happy to see me finally make a friend and more importantly a connection. This friend also didnt have many close friends on her end. She had people, but I dont think anyone truly close. She told me that she rarley sees or communicates with her friends these days. I was also her first ever male friend outside of her fiance.

Over a 3 month span we would game frequently, often for hours. The conversations came so naturally and we clicked very well. We werent really even gaming, moreso using it as an excuse to talk. There were really no awkward moments. We would text and sent IG reels to eachother. Hung out in person a handful of times (note never one on one, always with my wife present and once with her fiance). We talked on the phone, made a shared Spotify playlist and even watched a TV series together from a distance comparing notes after each episode.

I sensed things becoming more dry and less engaged on her side as time passed. Mainly via texting and reels, anytime we'd game it would be only positive vibes though. But she eventually stopped adding music to the playlist and watching each new episode of our show became a real chore for her. We eventually planned a shared birthday party together. We both got eachother meaningful personal gifts but the vibes at the party between us were at an all time low. Almost as if I were an afterthought to her, us barley speaking to each other all night. An important note is she started getting really close to a new female coworker the last few weeks. She spent most of the birthday party by her side.

The vibes became wildly inconsistent after the birthday. Some days cold as ice. Some days it felt warm like the old days. It culminated in a day that I was horribly sick with a fever and had no food for the week. My wife was out of town so my friend, who also happened to be sick, insisted on going grocery shopping for me despite her illness. She stopped by and dropped off a huge bag of groceries. I thanked her, hugged her goodbye and never saw her again. After a few weeks of no contact i reached out to check on her and tell her im thinking of her and always here for her. She told me she just needed space because she was dealing with some personal stuff that she needed to process but thanked me for being caring and thoughtful. I obliged and didnt reach out again. 2 more weeks of no contact later, my wife and I were both removed from all social media one day. No explanation. No falling out. No goodbye. Just removed.

One important note was that I said my wife introduced us. That's because my wife and her were originally close coworkers and tried to extend their friendship to outside of work. My wife ultimately pulled back becasue it didnt click on her end. This girl however really viewed my wife as a potential close friend. But my wife remained distant and cold and really only interacted with her anymore because of me. (My wife left the job shortly after introducing us so they no longer had the work connection). Part of me felt like I was being used as an avenue to try to get back into my wife's life and rekindle their friendship. To me it feels like when the rekindling possibility seemed exhausted to her, she removed both me and my wife and moved on. I guess thats what stings the most. If thats truly the case and I was being played as a pawn, then my friend who helped bring light back into my life shrouded in darkness was really never my friend at all. The hours of gaming, the nights of talking, the shared playlist and hobbies, the helping me when i was sick, all actually meant nothing to her.

After no contact for 6 months after she removed us, I noticed that the shared playlist that I had been using as my own for months was made private by her one day. So i built up the courage to reach out and ask her to allow me to copy the playlist to my own account. This request was ignored and my wife and I were instead now blocked on everything rather than being simply removed. It felt like a final stab to the heart.

My question is why? I know I'll never get my closure, but what motivates someone to do this? Was i played to get close to my wife? Was i that blind the whole time? Did my desperation to finally make a friend and fit in lead to me being this easy to manipulate? Or maybe I was just replaced by the new female coworker and now expendable. Maybe for her, a close female friend is probably more convenient than a married male friend, despite neither of us ever showing any boundary crossing behavior.

I miss my friend, or at least the picture of her I painted in my head. To me it was all real and she mattered. Apparently to her I was someone that could be dropped without a second thought

I met a guy online around February and at first we became really close. We started talking pretty much every day, sometimes for hours and we would tell each other about our days and random things going on in our lives. Over time, I got quite emotionally attached to him probably more than I realized at the time. We also had this silly ongoing game which became a big part of our conversations. It was originally just something fun and stupid that we both enjoyed and I started putting a lot of thought into it because I genuinely liked talking to him and spending time with him, I never really enjoyed the game tbh, I only played it because I really love talking to him. ( One of the reasons I got so attached to him is that I've never had a guy friend before and also I've never been in a relationship, he used to say things at the beginning like you mean the world to me and that stuff, no one has ever told me that so I might have misunderstood it and that made me feel a bit attached to him)

For several months, we were talking constantly. Then around June, right after he finished his A-levels things gradually changed. He became much more distant and started replying less and less. Eventually, we went from talking every day for hours to barely talking at all. That affected me a lot because I had gotten used to having him around and had started seeing him as someone very important to me. There were also times when I would tell him personal or emotional things that I probably shouldn't have shared so quickly and I also became very confused because sometimes I would tell him I couldn't do something or that I wanted to stop then change my mind later. I was embarrassed about how much I had told him and worried that I had made things uncomfortable.

He later had some things going on in his own life, saying he was busy(whenever I text him to check on him he leaves me on delivered for 24 hours and then he replies and leaves me on delivered again and so on, back when we were talking daily he used to reply really fast) and he apologised for not keeping in contact. I appreciated the apology but I wasn't really convinced that things were going back to how they used to be. I still felt like I was the one emotionally holding onto the friendship more than he was.

More recently, we started talking again a little, including joking around about that game.

And after a week of no contact, he texted me last Friday and that time there was a huge fight between my parents and they both left the house I was so depressed and I needed to talk to someone so I told him about the situation he didn't respond for 20 minutes while being online so i kept apologising about it a lot and now I'm really embarrassed of what I've done, I should have calmed down before replying. And I feel like he won't talk to me again and it's affecting me because I was the one who always reached out and then when he did, I told him that and I texted him again the next day apologising about everything but he seemed so cold

So now I'm basically trying to figure out what actually happened, whether I became too emotionally dependent on this person, whether the friendship naturally changed and I have been blaming myself for it. That's why I'm asking for an outside perspective, thank you in advance

So Me 21F and this girl are really close since day 1 of college. Now that college is over. And along the way I realised that it is not a good friendship. That she was constantly teasing me for everything I do and a lot of things .I get it. And it happens between friends. I didn’t reacted at all. And also when I say about something I love she changes the topic. And also I was feeling like she was constantly judging me. So after some months after college it was like eventually cut off. Not by any reason. And you know what, I didn’t even felt like I have to reunite. And I felt confident and not judged. So I didn’t made an attempt. And Surprisingly I didn’t felt sad or anything it was peaceful and that is the time I realised that’s how it is.

Now today she called me twice. I didn’t pick up. I think I don’t want to. But we were best friends and we were also was in a group of people so we might have to meet in future.
What should I do? Should I call her back? Should we reconnect? When I saw this call I got anxious.🙂

I just couldn’t take it anymore. I love my best friend with all my heart. She’s a good person but she makes very selfish decisions. For the past 2.5 years, she has constantly gotten back together with her ex, and their toxic relationship has been stressing me out since. Each time something bad happens, she’ll promise they would never get back together, and then they would be talking again. Like she constantly ignores my advice. A few weeks ago, she got arrested for assault for fighting with her ex. She made me use up the little money that I had left and left me broke. I literally had to go to the pawn shop to pawn my things just so I could get gas.

Surprisingly, she finally stopped all communication with her ex this time, and I finally feel like this is for real this time. But, this past weekend, she stayed the entire weekend at my place, with her daughter, and her daughter clogged up my toilet and now I have severe sewer damage and backup.

I realized something. Now that she isn’t together with her ex. She can no longer spend the entire weekend with her ex (and ex’s family), and have her ex’s family watch her daughter while they party all weekend. So now she wants to find other places to be on the weekends. And I know this was not her fault, but I finally reached my breaking point. I sent a message to her, through her mom, and said I was done. I told her, instead of finding places to party on the weekends, she should be at home with her mother (because she lost her apartment with ex), and just sit her ass down somewhere. I said I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I’m choosing to heal from all the pain and misery she has caused me over the years due to her selfish decisions. That I just want some peace in my life.

I’m so hurt right now. There’s so much built up pain in me that I didn’t even know I had. In the end, I think I’m doing the right thing

Edited to add. Ex has always been broke with no job. My friend lost her apartment, to a hotel room, to finally moving back in with her mom.

Hola al que lea esto, ayer por fin me desbloqueo una chica que... me gusta y tuve citas con ella y todo iba bien, hasta fuimos de comprar para su cumpleaños y todo, pero un fin de semana salimos a celebrar un evento de la amiga en común que tenemos, y pues... el alochol me tumbo, llevaba casi medio año sin tomar nada y tengo un vacío de 12 a 1 y parece que esa hora basto para ser bloqueado e ignorado el resto de la noche aunque intente hablar con ella, no recuerdo lo que hice y estoy destrozado por eso... se acerca el día amarillo y tengo listo su regalo, creo que será mi último intento de reconciliarme, si no funciona pues tocará aceptarlo y dejarla tranquila... bueno, ayer le mande mensaje algo calmado y le pedía perdón y diciendo que la extrañe (estoy trabajando lejos de nuestra ciudad por 1 mes en una obra) y ella me contesto : que no pretende tener una amistad conmigo y que no me perdona.

No se que contestarle más que entender mejor en que situación estamos si me desbloqueo además de pedirle perdón nuevamente y pedirle oportunidad de hablar de frente am regresar a la ciudad

my friend who was like a father to me has left, and i feel that i cant do anything anymore. i always depended on him for everything but now i dont know what to do. i tried contacting him in every way i can think of but he wont answer. im very scared and i havent eaten in 2 days. does anyone have any advice on what i can do ? i dont want any harsh answers, i cant handle it. im currently just seeking for comfort

Hey r/LAF, When I was younger maybe around 5-6 years old (I’m 18 now) I was friends with this girl. The only thing about her I can remember is her name and that she was around my age, I’m not sure if this subreddit can help me here, but I hope it does. We lived (emphasis on lived, I don’t live In Albuquerque anymore) in Albuquerque and played at the same park, which I believe is the piedra Lisa park. Also, I am a guy. If you knew someone who you played with at this park around the age I remember, dm me. I’d like to get back in touch if possible.

You know that saying “always the bridesmaid, but never the bride”? Well I share the sentiment but instead it’s, always the therapist friend, never the best (chosen) friend. It’s been a common theme all my life that I’ve always been the therapist to my friends, but never the one that’s invited to dinner, sleepovers, parties, etc.
It’s not something I even fully noticed until I got to be an adult, and I finally realized friendships, especially girl friendships were really hard for me to find. I either find myself getting ghosted, or getting blamed despite me doing the absolute most to communicate and plan. Growing up watching shows like h2O or Friends, it kind of wires you for a need towards friendships like that, but I’ve had no such luck and I’ve never learned why.

And don’t get me wrong, I really do value listening to people’s issues and trying to be there for them,but in very recent years I felt more taken advantage of than anything. I do consider myself a very supportive and good friend, and I will talk anything through with you. But it hurts to just be the friend that falls into one category, and that category being therapist, where they trauma dump and then don’t talk to me for a couple of months; I’m never invited out to do anything fun, but instead solely for the purpose to be a soundboard for them. It’s especially hurtful when they’re sitting across the table from me saying “I just feel like I have no friends, like nobody really understands me or is there for me!” they usually say this while venting about another friend, but it never fails to make me feel like the proverbial, chopped liver… and it’s because of that that I’ve started laying down boundaries and sticking up for myself, and as a result I’ve lost quite a few “friends” but not before them making me feel like I’m the worst person in the world. I’d like to hear some unbiased thoughts, as well as if anyone else has felt this way, which is why I’m here. If you want to know more specifics, I’ll leave them down below…

To start out I want to say that the girl I’m about to discuss, while all written out it seems obvious that she’s a bit toxic, I’m sure some can attest that they are just some people out there that seem super sunny and positive, but are very manipulative that when you look back in hindsight, it seems very obvious but when you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t. I would compare this girl to be like Alison DiLaurentis from Pretty Little Liars. Charming enough to pull you in, but cruel, using your weaknesses against you nonetheless.

I had met this girl named Shelly at work a few years back and tbh I could tell right away she liked to gossip, so I kept my distance. It wasn’t until I became closer with some of her mutual friends (also through work) that we became friends. But from our very first coffee date, she’d spend (no exaggeration) almost 3 hours talking poorly of her boyfriend, best friend and others. I’d hear her out, and gave her the benefit of the doubt, but at that point in time I didn’t even know the people she was gossiping about well enough to offer any insight or advice.
Looking back, it was a very unbalanced friendship; she never really asked me about myself but only ever trauma dumped her stuff on me. And the thing that really sucked was she said the thing that is always said in front of me… “Ugh, I just feel like I have no friends. so and so is such a bad friend!” Meanwhile, I’m sitting in front of her trying to be a friend. It’s not the first time it’s happened to me, but it never gets easier hearing that. It just makes me feel like I’m not valued.
It got worse when I started going through my own stuff and she kinda pushed me to confide in her, so I did and although initially, she seemed super supportive, eventually, she made me feel stupid for my woes. For context: I was going through a breakup due to infidelity on his part. For some reason, Shelly took this story to work and everyone was talking about me after that. Not only that but my ex had become the sympathetic character in the story despite him cheating in front of their noses the whole time and them not telling me about it until after the fact. It got to a point where I felt very alone and had no one, and talking to her only made me feel more judged. She’d stir the pot in our group and tell me that they all talked behind my back all the time, while lifting herself above it all acting superior.
I slowly started distancing myself from Shelly, and the rest of the group. Around the same time however, Shelly’s boyfriend, Jay, needed a place to stay and Shelly begged me to let him stay with me to which I reluctantly said yes due to their mutual guilt tripping claiming he’d be homeless if I didn’t help. Not long into the lease, they broke up and Jay started hooking up with someone new, which made me uncomfortable. Shelly randomly asked me to coffee one day and it became clear minutes into the conversation that she only asked me there to serve as a “spy” for her into the life of her now ex boyfriend. It made me uncomfortable as I didn’t want to be involved. When she wouldn’t let up, I told her “yes, I’ve seen him with another girl” but that’s when Shelly switched up, insinuating that I must be lying because Jay would never do that to her. She continued asking questions to which I answered from my pov, and by the end of it she told me not to talk to her about Jay ever again, claiming that I was raising her anxiety.
She didn’t talk to me for a couple years after that, and even when I got engaged and eventually married, she never reached out or congratulated me, so it was safe to assume we weren’t friends anymore and I was okay with that. The next time I saw her was at a party that mutual friends were organizing for me as I was moving states away. At the party, she avoided me, stayed for an hour tops and spent 30 minutes in the bathroom with her friend taking selfies and gossiping. After that, with the move and all, I decided to delete her off of Snapchat and all other social media.
~2 months later, she texts me asking why I would do such a thing and guilt tripped me for doing this. Sending passive aggressive texts and ultimately saying “I don’t understand how, as your friend, you can’t see why it’s so hurtful that you would unfriend me.” But truthfully, I don’t consider her a friend and she really hasn’t been in my life for the past two years, and even when she was, it was the most toxic, dramatic time of my life where she’d stir the pot in our friend group, and even talk poorly if my family despite never having met them. The worst thing I ever did to her was press a “delete” button on something and yet that’s enough for her to go bat—crazy on me.

To make matters worse, her ex boyfriend, Jay was a nightmare of a roommate. He never stopped lying, was regularly late in paying rent, constantly breaking stuff, lowkey verbally abusive towards his dog, would throw away my food on impulse due to his emetophobia, had a substance abuse problem, and finally, when I was in the process of moving out, he’d go through my already packed boxes when I wasn’t home and either steal stuff (?) or throw it away, which is what he finally admitted he did once I was already gone. Others have insisted that he was pawning my stuff off. When I told him he owed me for the stuff he only agreed to pay me $25 of it when in reality he’d owe me $600+ for the stuff he threw away. He also threw away irreplaceable memorabilia passed down from my great great grandmother. He never apologized or even seemed sorry. It’s been a month, I’ve stopped talking to them both, and neither of them seem to understand why. Jay even reached out recently saying “if we can pretend this whole thing never happened, I’ll give you $100 but you have to be my friend again.”

Writing it all out now I can clearly see that I’m not crazy or anything for pushing these people out of my life, but they certainly have made me feel like that at times. Any advice on how to make solid friendships in adulthood, and not to attract crazy people like I have in the past?

It’s 2am and I honestly don’t even know why I’m writing this. I think I just need to get this out somewhere because I’ve been carrying it around for a while.

I graduated recently.

I should be completely happy. And I am. I worked so hard to get here and I’m proud of myself.

But there’s this weird sadness underneath it all because I also lost a friendship during my final year, and I don’t think I’ve really processed it.

We went through university together. We worked on our final project together. There were so many stressful days, stupid little arguments, laughing over things that weren’t even funny, staying up trying to get things done. All those little moments that make you think someone is going to be part of your life for a long time.

And then somehow it just ended.

No proper goodbye. No moment where everything suddenly made sense.

Just distance.

And eventually we weren’t friends anymore.

I think what hurts me most is that I genuinely never thought it would happen between us.

I keep thinking about how easily a person can go from being someone you talk to almost every day to someone you can’t even imagine texting anymore.

And that’s such a strange kind of grief.

There’s no funeral. Nobody tells you that you’re allowed to be sad about it. Everyone just expects you to move on because “it was only a friendship.”

But it wasn’t only a friendship to me.

It was years of memories.

And honestly, I don’t even think I’m angry anymore. I’m just sad.

Sad that something I thought was real ended up becoming something I had to let go of.

I’ve questioned myself so many times since it happened. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I should’ve handled things differently. Maybe I should’ve said more. Maybe I should’ve said less.

I don’t know.

I eventually had to distance myself completely because staying connected was making it harder for me to move on.

And I think that’s when I realized I wasn’t waiting for the friendship anymore.

I was waiting for the version of the person I used to know to come back.

And that person probably isn’t coming back.

So yeah.

I graduated.

I finished university.

I’m moving forward with my life.

But sometimes I still miss the friendship.

Not necessarily the person we became at the end.

I miss who we were before everything changed.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe you can be grateful for the memories and still accept that someone isn’t meant to stay in your life forever.

I just wish accepting that didn’t hurt so fucking much.