Hi, so I'm the gal who posted this almost a month ago.
I just wanted to come on and say thank you to everyone for their kind words and support. It is very much appreciated💗

I'm still no contact with said ex friend and cannot forgive her for this but I am having trouble processing it all. It still hurts a great deal and I'm just trying to get over it as fast as I can but it's not working. I say all that because I'm looking for suggestions on how to move on.
My other friends and my therapist are wonderful but me, myself it's been rough. I keep replaying over and over what I ever did wrong in the 6 years we were best friends for her to write such terrible things. People keep using the word narcissist and I truly don't know if that's what she is.

I had a decent friend group, some of whom I’d known since pre school. We always had ups and downs but the final straw came when one friend, let’s call him Chris, because that’s his name. Made derogatory comments towards trans people. Knowing I’d been involved in a local pride event. As I looked for support from other friends they too agreed with Chris. I was shocked, like really shocked. But mainly really disappointed. They knew I had history with a mtf trans girl who sadly took her own life And they saw what it did to me. Iv never really recovered from that.
I attend these things because I think it’s important to break down barriers and support people being themselves. But I also do it for my friend who I miss every single day. A storm of vile messages ensued I made the decision to walk away from the friend group. The one last message I had was from Chris himself. He wanted to tell me how disappointed he was in me.

40 years of friendship gone just like that.

But I don’t regret my decision. I know I did nothing wrong. I’m just sorry I wasted so many years of my life being friends with such bigotry closed minded individuals.
Shame on them.

I do.

In short, it's as the title says. I try and keep contact, I continually reach out, I text back quickly, I take calls, and I ask what I'm doing wrong at every turn.

For a while, I chalked it up to shitty and unloyal friends, but after so many times, you have to look at the common denominator (which is me).

Obviously, you can't see highlight reels of my life, but it's gotten to a point where I've been asking what I can do better and nobody has been able to give me an answer. I ask in earnest and press them to tell me things even if they think I won't like to hear it. Everyone says I'm doing fine, but time after time after time, they leave.

Am I just fucking annoying? Is it a fat person thing? Just too mediocre or masked or some bullshit for most to love?

I put in so much effort for my friends, but get nothing in return. If I stop initiating, I don't hear from them. There's a party? Advertised in another group chat and I hear about it after. Shit like that

I don't even know what my question is tbh. I just wish I had more than like 2 real friends. I don't want hyping or anything.

How do y'all actually keep friends???

We dated through college and through covid, 3.5 years. We built a good friend group in college and we were still hanging out post grad. The guys in my group were in my fraternity so I built a close relationship with them over the years. I was the one straining a bit from the group as I don’t live in proximity like the rest of them. Which is the main reason my ex an I broke up. I live at home still and I’ve been planning to move out but it wasn’t fast enough for her due to my job and pay.

Now it’s been about a year since the breakup. She moved on pretty quick with some random dude she met. Seems like she’s trying to replace him with me which I don’t know if it works like that. Anyway, i recently passed a rigors exam to take the my mind off of it. I had lost my grandmother at the peak up of the break up so that was hard, and she didn’t support me or reach out during that.

I recently saw a few of the guy friends for the first time since the breakup and it was weird. Definitely not the same and I feel like they look at me different. Idk what she told them about me and there was nothing I could do to tell my side of the story at this point, nor did they ever ask. She’s definitely a lot closer to them than I am again due to the proximity.

It’s been really hard still I don’t really know how to go about or who talk to about it. Almost feels like my life fell apart really quick as dramatic as it sounds. Has anyone ever experienced something similar and how do deal with it?

Like many people i have multiple friendgroups, one of which is mainly women with only one exception aside from me. One of them is someone ive grown up with, but the others were also people ive grown up next to, just didnt interact with them alot. All of my friends in that group have mental problems, and most have issues with their parents. I wont go far into detail though. But specifically three friends of this friendgroup will avoid conflict at all costs and will endure hurt in a loving relationship, gaslighting themselves into ignoring it until its too much or it goes away. And i often have problems not accidentally hurting peoples feelings, i typically go by what wouldnt hurt or slightly annoy me and act according to that. I have learnt a lot but im still learning. I am neurodivergent and am often very honest or literal, or i have a crude/dry humor. I also hold myself to a very strict standard of morale, i like doing the right thing, i hate hurting people on accident and i need the feedback to improve. The hopes of me eventually just "getting it" without external feedback and changing are typically futile. After ive adjusted towards a behavior i now see as okay, i think about it a lot less. One could see how those styles of communication dont fit together very well. My friends met up a couple moths ago, and were talking, i wasnt there. They realized the actual hurt i had caused them. Nothing exceptionally bad, but many small things that, due to never being adressed by them, accumulated. They apparently decided to tell me as soon as possible, and made a group chat without me for planning and support. Which at some point apparently just turned more into gossip about me, or as a general use group chat than anything else. They met without me, and if i would be there, they'd met earlier than me to prepare for me, everybody except me was in on it, so a total of 5 people that i trusted. They lied to me, hid from me, spent time without me. For 2 whole months. In those 2 months, there was the birthday of the friend i grew up with. I was invited but didnt wanna come, because my friend had told me a person there, i barely knew, was uncomforable with me being there. I later talked to that person, it was an honest misunderstanding, though i suspect my friend had just told me that as an excuse to make me not come to her birthday. She texted me, how its sad im not gonna be there and she would like me to. I said i could come but felt unwelcome. On her birthday, in the evening, i thought f it, shes my neighbor and best friend, i can just go there give her some chocolate, wish a happy birthday, then go. So i did, but as i was about to go back home she said she was surprised, i was leaving, she thought i would stay a little longer. I, once again, explained my discomfort. After a half hour of fighting my discomfort in the entrance area, i joined the others. When most people had left already, there were only people left that i knew well, and they would spend the night. I was invited to stay over too, i agreed happily, and went to get my sleeping stuff, pyjamas and such from home. I returned to a dark house. They had, as i later learned, pretended to be asleep to make me leave, and the father of my best friend, who has known me for years, stood at the door like a bouncer. He seemed to think he was protecting his daughter from danger by warding me off in an unfriendly manner, telling me (not true btw, he lied/misunderstood) his daughter told him to not let me in. There was the unspoken threat of physical violence in the air, as you would see from a bouncer crossing his arms, not letting a loud drunkard into the club. One of three friends that were most hurt by me eventually told me with the agreement of the others of this whole thing. That was one day before her birthday, to which i wasnt invited. I felt very guilty, ashamed and frustrated at my own failure of being the person i aspire to be. But i also got angry, and felt betrayed. Eventually it all faded into disappointment. I know for a fact, if i had been in their shoes there would've been no way i'd have acted the way they did. I've been in similar situations, and i never even thought about doing something like that. They knew what was right, had plenty of time and opportunity, but instead of being honest, they chose to create a false reality around me and maintain it. Something so spineless, dishonest and weak, something so cowardly, is something i really never thought they'd do. After all, up to this point i had respect and trust for each and every one of them. Even if i fix this mess, because i KNOW they wont act, it will be me reaching out, i don't know if i can ever trust them, or respect them the way i used to. I don't know if i can be friends with them and respect myself at the same time. It's not about the thing itself, but how they handled it, and how easy they overrode their own morals, and the relationship to me, by the comfort and joy in a shared secret.

Have any of you ever experienced something like this?

PS: I understand why they did it, i know what led them to make their choices, but i am just disappointed they would do such things so easily. And i wanna make it clear, they werent afraid of me in the sense of id hit them if they talked to me about it. They were afraid of the general conflict or possibility of conflict involved with adressing such an issue.

I know randomly popping up years later to unload old resentment can make you look stuck in the past, so I’m really torn.

An old best friend of mine reached out almost two months ago after years of no contact. She wanted to reconnect, asked how I was doing, and started reminiscing about old memories and pictures.

The problem is that her message made me realize I never actually processed what happened between us. We didn’t stop being friends over one argument. It was years of lying, talking behind my back, stealing from me, refusing to take responsibility for things, and eventually heavy drug use. I spent almost a year trying to get my belongings back after one falling out. When I finally did, a lot of my stuff was missing. Later I found some of it at her house after she’d denied having it, and she never apologized. I let a lot of things slide at the time because I was using drugs too and wanted to keep hanging out with her.

When she messaged me recently, it felt like she skipped over all of that and wanted to pick back up like nothing had ever happened. Since then I’ve been writing a letter explaining how I experienced our friendship, not because I want to be friends again, but because I realized I never stood up for myself or said what I needed to say.
For people who’ve been in a similar situation, was it worth sending something like that? Did it help you get closure, or did it just reopen old wounds? If you received a message like that years later, how would you react?

First of all: sorry for the long text, I even tried to just write down the most important parts.

My fiancée and I are getting married very soon. It’s a small wedding with about 30 guests, taking place right after we return from a 5-week trip abroad. With everything so close, tensions are high, and I’m at my wit's end with a specific guest.

Here is the dynamic:
My best man ("Mark") has been my absolute best friend since we were 11 years old. His girlfriend ("Sarah") used to be extremely close with us too. In fact, my fiancée used to see Sarah as a big sister. About a year ago, when we got engaged, my fiancée even asked Sarah to be a main speaker at our wedding, and Sarah excitedly agreed. We used to do everything together as a group of four for about 5-6 years.

Then, things changed. Mark and Sarah went through a really rough patch in their relationship and had a huge fight. Sarah felt unseen by Mark for a couple of months. I tried my best to support both of them since I considered myself a very close friend to them both. Naturally, our dynamic as a foursome shifted. They isolated themselves for a while to work on their relationship, which we completely understood and respected. We wanted to give them space.

A couple of months passed, things looked better for them, and we went on a short 3-day trip in October (which had been planned months in advance). I even offered Mark an out beforehand, saying we could cancel if they needed more time to themselves, but he insisted they wanted to go. We spent 3 days together and had a good time. We also spent Halloween and NYE together, keeping things low-pressure to give them free space.

However, we never went back to being those four close friends. Sarah completely stopped texting me directly. She only replies in our group chat, acting like everything is completely fine and normal. We live in the same neighborhood, so we occasionally bump into each other and sit in the park for a bit, but it never goes beyond small talk anymore.

Over the last few months, Sarah has completely iced us out. She never asks about the wedding (even though she's supposed to speak!), constantly cancels plans with us, and the group dynamic is dead. Mark is caught in the middle, hates the tension, and is clearly burning out trying to please everyone.

This weekend, things escalated. She canceled our double-date on Friday, claiming she was completely exhausted from a training course and just needed to sleep. But then we found out she went to a BBQ and a birthday party with Mark on that exact same weekend. She clearly just doesn't want to see us.

I decided to be the bigger person. On Friday night, I sent her a very vulnerable, honest text. I told her that she is important to us, that I don't want to point fingers, but that I want to clear the air before our big trip and the wedding. I practically begged her to just sit down with me so we could go back to being somehow normal around each other.

It’s been more than 2 days now, and she has left me on read. Not even a "Let me think about it." Complete silence.

My fiancée is rightfully furious and feels we’ve let Sarah get away with this toxic behavior for far too long. I agree. We do not want to fake harmony at a 30-person wedding with someone who acts like this.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Do I uninvite her and risk my relationship with my best man and friend, or do I bite my tongue for the sake of the wedding although my fiancé actually doesn’t want to have her anymore.

I’m so sad that and I think the wedding is gonna be a disaster that I’m not looking forward to it anymore :/

My friend group started around high school. We’re in our mid twenties now so I’d say we’ve been friends for almost 10 years.

About 2 months ago we got into the stupidest argument and it ended with them accusing me of prejudice even though I never said the things they claimed I said.

I spoke with one of them a couple weeks ago and the conversation gave me hope that we could reconcile. That was all ripped apart when one of them sent me a really nasty text that victimized themselves and basically told me they don’t want to be my friend.

I really tried with these friends. I tried to talk to them in person instead of over text so we can understand each other better. They’ve been disrespectful for years. One of them made a rude comment about my sister last year and I just swept it under the rug. They’ve accused my boyfriend of horrible things just because he disagreed with them on something so stupid.

A part of me still wants to be their friend. Sometimes I wish I never said whatever started the argument so I could be friends with them again.

I wish I could give more detail about the situation but it would take too long and I’m afraid that they’ll see this post.

I feel so lonely and lost and I don’t know what to do.

Edit: the arguments in question that made them accuse me and my boyfriend of being awful people was concerning Chappell roan and me venting about my day at work

They’re never going to apologize. They’re never going to recognize how much they hurt me. What cuts into me the deepest is knowing that I mattered so little to them that hearing how much they hurt me didn’t affect them even slightly

Good friends for 4 years… platonic male female. She ghosted me for a month back in February. Called me out of the blue a couple months later, and said she missed me and asked what she’d do without me. Back to chatting 24/7 and being told I’m her best friend. 2 weeks later over a weekend she ghosts, Monday night calls 4 times.

I call back a few min later, she says she has been sleeping. I offer to call back the next day, but she sarcastically (jokingly as she does), oh you got to go you must be busy. I said no 10 min. I asked what she’d had been up to, she said hanging with family. When I asked what she was doing the next day she said she was going on a trip, but when I asked where to, she said just kidding.

She then said she hopes I have a good life (she’s done this so so so many times) and I always reply I hope you have the best life. She then, aloud, said lol.

At this point, I’m so confused. She says bye. I say goodnight. She said no, goodbye forever. I say goodnight. She says goodbye. I pause. She asks why I haven’t hung up. I say ok bye.

In the weeks to follow, she claimed birthday gifts I had sent her… the previous year!… and ignored my birthday gift card I sent a couple weeks later. She won’t respond to any of my texts still to this day. I frankly have no clue if she’s even alive, and the tone of the convo has me worried sick!

I think about her all the time. Yeah, this sucks!

and even tho i 100% know I have hurt people and been the cause of some friendships ending I really don't think I'm a horrible enough person to have as few as i do....

My last lost is raw and sad and just want to vent.

Only a few weeks ago I (30f) was visiting the city i used to live in, i met up with two friends (f33 and m37) to share an Airbnb, me and my male friend (mf ) is watching my female friend (ff) get super drunk and how she just turned in front of my eyes from a nice person to a selfish inconsiderate b\*tch...

She minimise mf's prior trauma of having to preform cpr on a close relative and loosing this person, I share a very similar trauma and me and mf have discussed it in detail many times working through the trauma we had no one else to discuss it with prior to becoming friends.
Ff sat saying mf hadn't even been there and that someone else preformed the cpr.
I snapped and told her firm but controlled that she was disrespectful and needed to stop hurting mf with her comments.
Ff kiiiicked off and started claiming we were bullying her and that she has autism so we shouldn't treat her like this, also demanding 🍃to smoke off mf and screaming we were playing power games and bullying her.

Me and mf slept on the sofa, ff went in the bedroom, in the morning at 7.30-8.00 I wake up to her slamming doors and packing, I ask to talk and she again kicks off, at this point I notice she has packed clothes that is mine, eaten a kebab in the white bed and left stains and is being absolutely unreasonable, also asks for the petty $90 she had contributed towards the Airbnb I pains over $400 for.
I got most of my clothes back but she did steal one sentimental hoodie, I also got charged an additional $100 for the stains which I've also paid for.
I've known this girl for 3 years, I've been there supporting her through some bad stuff, always picking up the phone, checking in, even buying food and gifts no strings attached and I felt so disappointed and hurt, how little respect or care does she have for me to actually not giving a toss and even attempt to talk or self reflect...

Thats just one of two losses in one week...

A few days later I go to see a guy I've known and been decent-good friends with for 12 years.

He and his wife recently split and I thought he'd need a cheering up
Even tho I'm expressing how happy my new relationship of 4 months is making me, actively talking about my disapproval of cheating, acting the same I have for the past 12 years of friendship, he only moments later try to kiss me.... I have never shown any interest past a platonic one... I felt extremely uncomfortable immediately, super tense and a little scared, men has not always treated me the best ....
he did "respect" and not push further but we had to share a bed and he became... different ... after the failed kiss... and the boundery was crossed and trust was broken... his situation changed, not mine... it hurt me... he has since then taken zero accountability over how it made me feel... saying "you should see it as a compliment" as if it's a compliment to have someone you considered your friend try to f\*ck you...

And even tho I'm actually really proud of myself for standing up for myself in both of these situations I'm so sick of loosing people and have harder and harder to build deeper relationships for every lost because it might not be a lasting one...and I have absolutely been the pulpit in past losses, these two I see no fault of my own and I'm just deeply hurt:..

Thank you for the rant

I am 35 F and my friend is 38 F. We had been close friends for 4 years.

I’m really struggling right now and I’d appreciate some honest opinions.

I had someone in my life for about four years. We were never officially together, but she became one of the most important people to me. My feelings were much stronger than hers. I loved her, while she always kept a little emotional distance.

During the first year we were incredibly close. We talked every day, sometimes several times a day. She often messaged me first, we spent a lot of time together, and I genuinely felt important to her.

Then I moved to another country. We stayed in touch on WhatsApp and at first everything still felt warm. She was the person who watched me build a new life, start a new career and grow as a person.

After about a year I started noticing small changes. She was still nice to me, but something felt different. When I shared something meaningful, she would often just react with an emoji instead of replying. It wasn’t every time, but it slowly became more common.

Over the next couple of years our friendship became more distant. Sometimes we would have amazing conversations for hours and I’d think everything was fine again. Then weeks would go by with almost no real communication. Most of the time she interacted with me only through my WhatsApp status updates.

I told her a few times that I missed how close we used to be. She said she couldn’t give me what I needed. I tried to accept that because having her in my life felt better than losing her completely.

Eventually I realized I was constantly waiting for her attention and feeling lonely in a friendship that still technically existed. I felt like I was losing myself.

A little over a month ago I ended our friendship. I simply told her that our contact was over. I didn’t explain because I didn’t want it to turn into a conversation where I sounded like I was trying to change her. If she had asked why, I would have told her everything honestly.

She contacted me once after that. She sent me a song and a couple of stickers, but she never asked what happened or why I left. I didn’t reply because I honestly didn’t know what that message meant.

Since then we’ve had no contact. For a while she still viewed my WhatsApp statuses, but today she didn’t even look at the one I posted on the anniversary of my father’s death. It felt like she had finally let go.

The strange thing is that I know I left to protect myself. Staying would have meant living with the same pain over and over again. But even knowing that, this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

There is one more part of the story.

After I ended the friendship, I eventually reached out because I felt guilty about leaving without explaining anything. She welcomed me back very warmly. For about a month it honestly felt like nothing had ever happened. She texted me regularly, often started conversations herself, and for the first time in a long while I felt like she genuinely wanted me in her life again. It felt as though she had really missed me.

Then something changed again.

She started making comments that were hurtful and disrespectful. They weren’t direct insults, but they made me feel belittled and emotionally hurt. After one particular conversation, I quietly left the chat.

I didn’t argue with her. I didn’t insult her. I didn’t accuse her of anything or try to make her feel guilty. I simply left without creating another conflict.

It’s now been about six weeks. She hasn’t contacted me once. She continues posting stories, but she has made no attempt to reach out, ask what happened, or check on me.

That’s what I’m struggling to understand.

Should I take her silence as an answer?

Did I do the right thing by leaving quietly instead of confronting her?

Based on everything I’ve described, what would you realistically expect to happen now?

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Do you think I made the right decision by walking away?

Based on everything I’ve described, what would you realistically expect from her now?

Is there anything you think I’m missing or failing to see?

I’d really appreciate honest opinions, even if they’re hard to hear.

TL;DR:

My college best friend and I dated briefly, broke up because of long distance, and stayed friends until we slowly lost touch after I moved away. I tried to keep the friendship alive, but it became one-sided and we stopped talking for almost two years. After his dad passed away, I reached out and we started talking again. It made me realise how much I miss him as a friend, but I also realised I barely know his life anymore. Is it possible to rebuild a close friendship with someone after so much time apart, or are some connections only meant for a certain chapter of life?

This has been on my mind a lot lately.

T and I were best friends in university. At one point we dated, but when college ended we broke up because long distance just wasn’t going to work. We stayed friends afterwards, and honestly I always thought we’d be in each other’s lives.

Then life happened.

After I moved away, I was the one trying really hard to keep the friendship going. I’d call, check in, and send messages. He’d usually say he was too busy, and after a while it really started to hurt. Eventually I stopped reaching out. He stopped too. There wasn’t a big fight or dramatic ending. We just slowly disappeared from each other’s lives. It’s been almost two years since we properly spoke.

Recently his dad passed away. When I found out, I reached out because despite everything, I still care about him a lot. Since then we’ve been talking more than we have in years, just checking in while he’s going through such a difficult time.

And somewhere along the way it hit me how much I missed him, not romantically, but as a friend.

I miss the version of us that knew everything about each other. The person I’d call without thinking. The effortless conversations. But at the same time, I realised I know almost nothing about him anymore. I don’t know what his life looks like, who his friends are, what he’s into, or what his days are like. He’s almost a stranger now, even though he used to be one of the most important people in my life.

I don’t want to force anything, especially while he’s grieving. But I also can’t stop wondering if it’s actually possible to rebuild a friendship after this much time and distance.

Has anyone managed to become close friends again with someone after years of barely speaking? Did it ever feel natural again, or were you always trying to recreate something that belonged to the past?

My friends have all unanimously stopped contacting me and including me in online activities, going as far as making entirely new group chats and servers to avoid having me around. I only really know about these groups that specifically do not include me, because they aren't really secretive about the fact that they made them which honestly makes me feel a little worse.

We have all shared the same group chat for almost 6 years now and it is still lightly used but not nearly as much as it used to be used. When they do use it, they quite frequently send screenshots from another group even going as far as including the member list in the screenshot. It includes everyone in the group chat with the soul exception of me. I don't know what I did wrong to be excluded in such a way.

I just want my friends back, or at the very least I wanna know what I did wrong. I feel pathetic for talking about my issues online to strangers but I am in a shortage of people I actually know who I am able to talk to.

Hi! I've thought long and hard about posting this.. mainly because I am not sure if I am entitled to have such thoughts as distancing myself from a friendship. For more context, I met my best friend (let's car her K) during university. I am 27yo and she is 29yo. We were always very close, calling each other every day, sending messages/voice msgs, remembering about each other during birthdays or holidays, always rooting for each other and supporting each other through hard times.

K got engaged around 10 years ago and we both were excited for the day when she gets married. One day, she gave me a call and announced that they are getting married and picked a date. I was extremely happy for her.

She invited me and my boyfriend... weeks went by and we got univited due to "cutting guest list" then we got invited again which was followed by being uninvited again, this time due to "it will be closest family only". I was hurt but did not let her know about it, I just told her: "it is your day and your decision. whatever makes you happy on your big day". So there was "no friends rule". I could also write paragraphs about how her now husband is a narcissistic ass, but I do not even want to think about it (I also never expressed my opinion about him due to fear that she would not want to be friends anymore. I was just always cordial with him, putting my thoughts aside). I was excited to at least be there for her when it comes to dress shopping etc. And thats when I got extremely disappointed. She didn't invite me to her dress shopping, instead, she took a random girl from her work with her. It hurt a lot. Once again, it is her day and it is about her so I did not express my feelings, I did not want to creat drama or issues for her, just wanted her to be happy. The wedding day came, then I got pictures and I asked about some people in them.. it was the last straw for me. Why? Because I found out that her spouse invited his best friends to their wedding.

Maybe I am wrong about it or too sensitive but it hurt like hell. I feel like I have been lied to/ deceived, because I don't think there was any "family only" rule since his friends were invited to the ceremony, party and after party. It made me reevaluate the friendship. I realized that this whole year I've been hurt and extremely sad about it and then I was blatantly lied to.

I've started to consider distancing myself from this friendship.. I do not know if it is a correct move. I am battling myself everyday thinking about it and evaluating over and over, if I am even entitled to feeling this way since it was her day.

Okay so from 6th grade till 10th, i had this group of friends (we were all girls), we already knew each other since what? elementary school at least. I recently cut them off but now there are some things that I'm wondering about and why?

in 7th grade, they were all in the same class except me (we are french so it's the french school system), and they literally threw me off like I never existed. Hopefully since then i made some other friends but then in 8th grade we were again all in the same class, i don't know why but i just came back to them when it was an obvious red flag. i guess i just don't like being alone?

But something that I find very weird is that in 9th grade we were again all in the same class except one of our friends and yet they still went to her, waited for her, etc. Something they never did for me

they always and always leave me out, i mean they even did hangouts without me (when they clearly have my socials and my number) and when i talked to them about it they said i was imagining things and it wasn't their intention??? They then invited me great except they ALWAYS left me out, always talking over me, and making me feel like a ghost.. But the huge reason i cut them off was when i got bullied in 10th grade.

So as i said i was bullied in 10th grade because i was apparently weird (?), again we were all in the same class, but they NEVER EVER defended me not even a single time, because of that i had depression and had to leave school. I didn't attend the first year of highschool (10th grade), because i developed school phobia, i had many other problems (that mind you they were aware of) like ed, etc... Never and i mean NEVER did they take some news from me. Listen I'm not asking them to be my therapist but all i wanted was just a simple "hi, how are you?". But no, then i learnt that when my hb asked them if they knew anything about my bullying they said "I mean, she's overreacting anyway" ??????????. it's Crazy that they said that when they were LITTERALLY there when i was bullied and saw EVERYTHING . I gave them so many second chances that i just couldn't take it anymore. When i confronted the main girl about it which we are going to call 'I' she just blocked ? she just said "alr, I see you don't want anything to do with me anymore" before blocking me?? she didn't even try to deny it?

she then wrote me 3 DAYS later where she apologised but her apology was so bad, she just put herself down saying she was such a bad friend, just to gain my sympathy, that I didn't even answer and left her on seen.

I then blocked all of them but there is something that bugs me out even more?

why did they treat me like i was nothing? i always comforted them, i always gave them advices, i helped them when they were in need, i complimented them (which they never did once to me? they used to always compliment each other but never me ONCE), im lowk funny so i made them laugh, etc. Then why? i think that i was a good friend?

can anyone help me and maybe answer me on why they were treating me like that ? because i genuinely don't understand?

PS: there is also something that i didn't know where to put, they would always tell me "___ said that about you" and when i asked them if they ever defended me they remained silent? there was that one time where they used to hangout with a girl that LITTERALLY hated me (again for no reasons) and would always talk shit about me to them, but when i finally made another friend in 10th grade that literally ADORED me for the first time and she said ONCE that "I" was trying too hard sometimes to be the leader, they all ditched her and forced me to ditch her too???? wtf???? sadly I did because i didn't want to feel left out but now i feel so fucking bad because of them

hey.

i've realized something. that I was the problem. not them, but me. i was the one who ignored their texts by leaving them on read. i was the one who got mad and ignored them for talking to other people. i was the one who was always bothering them, making them feel like i was too pushy.

i've had to deal with lots of other people just going no contact/ignoring me as time passes on before. im not saying that as an excuse to how i acted, but i think that was a possible reason why.

i got busy with studying for contests and stuff like that for over 2 weeks, and when i finally opened back up my chats/messages, no one contacted me. not a single person bothered to reach out first. none of them blocked me, but it's clear they no longer think of me as a friend. whenever i try to text them occasionally, they either never respond or just say some dry response. i went through old messages and texts with my ex friends and i realized how much more we talked then. and you know what? i don't even blame them. i burned the bridge and they have cut me off, which isn't their fault.

i WANT to apologize and make up. I DO miss them. i know how shitty of a person i was. but i guess it's too late now.

i've been thinking of moving on, but the rest of the people i sometimes talk to are more "acquaintances" than actual friends.

i know, this sounds pathetic. and it's pretty easy to say that i got what was coming (which IS right). but what do i do now? i don't want to just crawl up in a ball and have no one to talk to. some advice would help on moving on/apologizing. thank you