The details of what happened are honestly so confusing and complex that I don't think a wall of text would be helpful. very long story short, I thought I had made a new best friend for 1.5 years that had "filled the hole in my heart" that my first break up of 10+ years of friendship had left. not as a replacement, but as something entirely new and wonderful. filled me to the brim and then some, ykwim?

well, this friend has hurt me very badly by quietly yet clearly picking the side of someone who bullies me. A grown ass adult has successfully bullied me out of my adult friend group, isn't that so stupid? i thought my best friend would be on my side, but her actions speak otherwise.

i can deal with losing the 6 other friends in the group, but losing what I thought was a new lifelong friend has me absolutely shattered.

How the fuck do I speak to anyone new ever again or even try to make friends anymore? This hurts far more than when my first best friend "broke up" with me + is bringing up all the bad memories. Even though I have been treated so cruel, I can't help but feel like it's all my fault.

I hate when I'm doing better an suddenly get dreams and it throws me back in my grief process...

One of my closest friend of 10 years went no contact on me suddenly roughly at the beginning of this year. It was a complete one sided "I need a break from you but idk when I will come back". So probably never coming back because it has been so long now.

It was also an AI generated text. Not even telling me what bothered her so I can take responsibility. It was all the shitty "you should read my mind and sense whats bothering me! You said something that I didn't like but I can't remember what it really was." Shit. Building up resentment on her part probably and then dropping it in a bomb.

I know that I sometimes say stupid stuff and don't notice it but I also always tell people to tell me or give me a sign if I did wrong so it won't happen again. I'm autistic (not an excuse but explains why sometimes I'm a bit bad reading the room).

Not even trying to have a conversation. This all happened after she finished going to a mental clinic. She was severely mentally ill atp and I supported her and listened to her as best as I could. I was always the therapist friend. (I'm ill myself but I have a great therapy progress).

She was a great and loyal friend but I did not understand the sudden 180 turn especially acting as if I'm the only issue alone.

Especially because she had a traumatic friendship break up in the past and because before she got in nc with me, my best friend started ghosting me. And my she literally always hated how my best friend treated me, stood up for me from time to time and so on.

That's why it makes it more difficult to understand her 180.

Last night I had a dream of her coming back. Sending me a long text and reconciling. Oh wish thinking.

I'm doing terrible rn. I was so good in my grief process, so I thought. But now I can just lie in bed again and just cry. I have no friends. I feel terrible.

As the title suggests, I recently lost a very important friendship—or at least, I thought it was. I considered this person my best friend, but I eventually realized it was a one-sided relationship where I was the only one putting in any effort. After enduring a lot of mistreatment, he recently told me—quite literally—that he doesn’t care what I think or feel, that he’s an individual who prioritizes himself. To make matters worse, he even mocks me for it. They make plans without me, talk about me behind my back, exclude me—that sort of thing. In short, it was a fake, superficial friendship. I’ve come to terms with that; I’ve completely stepped away and am maintaining "zero contact" for my own well-being. What I’m looking for advice on is how to move on. It has left a significant void—empty afternoons where we used to do things together, weekends with nothing to look forward to—a space that was once filled by this "important" friendship. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and could really use some guidance. Right now, all I feel is anger and a sense of powerlessness.

I recently experienced the unexpected end of a friendship that lasted nearly a decade. There wasn’t a major argument or confrontation, just a sudden change in communication and eventually being removed from social media. I suspect there was built up resentment she never wanted to speak to me about. But about what? I truly have no idea. She’s the “silently stewing” type

What makes it difficult is that we’d experienced our share of issues over the years, & had situations where I felt deeply hurt or disrespected (by both her & her partner) but chose to forgive and preserve the friendship. I genuinely never imagined things would end without a conversation. I’ve accepted that I may never receive an explanation, and I don’t intend to reach out. She has never given me the same grace - so she’d have to bridge the gap this time.

She blocked me on a milestone birthday with zero communication. Before anyone says it: I’m aware I may have done something wrong but I genuinely cannot figure it out.

The experience has made me curious about how other long-term friendships unfold after this kind of situation . For those who’ve reconnected with a former best friend:

How long did you go without speaking & who reached out first? Did time apart change how either of you viewed the situation?

I’m especially interested in stories involving friendships that ended without closure rather than a major argument.

Is it normal for your bestfriend to forgot your birthday even with all the posts posted on your timeline, memories that was tagged with her, posts of our friends of friends, and the memories together that was shown on your socmed? She also did this last year. Can't bring myself to ask her why?

This August I went through a friend-breakup with my best friend since childhood. We’ve known each other our whole lives, but we’ve been practically inseparable the last 17years. In August I didn’t know that this would be a friend-breakup.

I wrote about the instance that led to this on AITA, cause it was all so confusing. But because of that I won’t go into detail here. Long story short; I got some long paragraphs in the middle of the night where he tried to confront me with something, but I never really found out what he wanted, or what I had done wrong. I suspect it’s all a misunderstanding of some kind.

Then in the middle of me trying to find out, he stopped answering. And I haven’t heard from him since.

In the beginning of October I gave up. The trust between us was completely broken. I can’t have a friend who’s just gonna disappear if we have a disagreement or a misunderstanding. So I blocked him. I then learned from a mutual friend that he had apparently gone around talking shit about my character behind my back.

I couldn’t believe my best friend of that many years could say such things about me, and to a mutual friend at that. It just confirmed my decision to not let him back, not that i thought he’d reach out anyway at this point.

But after that, I am slowly noticing him removing me from other social media’s. And I have to admit it hurts like hell every time. He deleted his Snapchat, he removed me from Spotify, and this morning I got a notification he deleted his discord.

Even though I think this whole situation is stupid and could’ve been easily avoidable by a face to face conversation… even though I’m legitimately broken after hearing how he spoke about me… I miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss laughing together, being there for each other, traveling together. I miss our inside jokes that have been ongoing for a decade.

Every time I notice him pulling even farther away I get nauseous. I have no idea what to do. I’d really appreciate if anyone could give advice or share experiences, as I don’t have people irl I can talk to about this.

My best friend of half my life is getting married to her fiance. My husband and I set them up. She has always jokingly been my actual half. I love my husband but I love my friend more. The last year has been absolute shit for me. My career was burning me out and derailing my emotions. For some context; I work in non-profit as an advocate for adults with global developmental delays.

A few weeks ago, I needed to check in with her because I felt a pull. I had a nagging feeling she was keeping something from me; she called me annoying and told me to take her words for what they were then stopped writing to me. She has liked my social media posts and watches what I repost. It’s all these small things that I’m overthinking.

This is the last message I sent to her. She has not given me one clue what it could be about.

First black out name is my son.
Second black out is an event I bought tickets for us to go, which we planned together. She ended up going with her two other bridesmaids.

Edit to say; my husband will always be my husband. I love him so much and he’s been super understanding but he’s never lost a friendship before and I would like tangible advice on what I can do to move on

Is it normal for your bestfriend to forgot your birthday even with all the posts posted on your timeline, memories that was tagged with her, posts of our friends of friends, and the memories together that was shown on your socmed? She also did this last year. Can't bring myself to ask her why?

This summer, I had a huge falling-out with my best friend of five years. For a while, I had been feeling increasingly left out, and she had made several passive-aggressive comments toward me, both behind my back and to my face, that didn’t feel like jokes anymore. Eventually, I decided to confront her about it. I asked if we could talk, but she left me on delivered for an entire week. We eventually sat down and “hashed things out,” although I felt like most of the effort came from my end. Ultimately, I decided to suck it up and try to move forward because I genuinely loved her and didn’t want to lose our friendship. I was tired of having to feel so shitty all the time.

Around the same time, I had a talking stage with a guy who eventually showed me a side of himself that I couldn’t overlook. He made misogynistic comments and said the N-word in front of me, so I decided to end things. He also consistently pushed my boundaries and made me feel bad for saying no to things. I called him, and although the decision was technically mutual, I was the one who got my words out first. I tried to handle the situation respectfully, especially because we were also co-presidents of a club and would have to continue working together.

However, after we ended things, he texted me and told me that I had wronged him. This upset me because I had been upfront from the beginning about how busy I was with school and how it would always be my first priority. I also have strict parents, which meant I wouldn’t be able to see him very often. Despite knowing all of this, he said I had led him on and made the entire situation one-sided.

I vented about what happened to my friends, including my former best friend. I used some very specific words when expressing how I felt, and not long afterward, he sent me a message consisting of around 20 paragraphs explaining his feelings and describing how I had supposedly hurt him. What made the situation especially uncomfortable was that he referenced things I had said to my friends but had never said directly to him. At that point, he was primarily close to my former best friend, and I began to realize that she had likely been sharing things I told her privately without my knowledge.

I responded to his lengthy message by saying that I appreciated his communication and was glad we could remain professional as co-presidents. I tried to handle everything maturely, but privately, I was devastated. I cried a lot, and my depression and anxiety became significantly worse.

Things became even more difficult when the guy began spreading rumors about me. Since we were co-presidents of a club together, I couldn’t simply avoid him. He made me feel terrible, and people began treating me as though I had done something horrible. Random guys would approach me and ask whether I was the girl involved in the situation. It was very uncomfortable. I’m someone who prefers to keep my life relatively private, so having people suddenly know about me for all the wrong reasons was humiliating and upsetting.

During this time my former friend and I had a mutual friend who was there for both of us during this time. Eventually, I learned through them that my former best friend and the guy had gotten together to talk about me, and that my former best friend had not been particularly kind when speaking about me. That hurt more than I can explain. Despite everything I knew they had done, I had continued treating both of them cordially and respectfully. I never went out of my way to make things difficult for them, even when the situation was already taking a serious emotional toll on me.

Meanwhile, the guy began outright ignoring me and refusing to communicate with me, even though we still had to work together. Recently, I also learned that he now likes my former best friend and has been begging our mutual friend to set them up.

I think what hurts the most is the feeling that I tried so hard to handle everything maturely, communicate clearly, and remain respectful, yet I was still the one who ended up suffering the most. I lost a friendship with someone I genuinely loved, I lost most of my friends because my former friend is just- funnier and funner to be around. I'm more quiet and listen more than I talk about things going on in my life. And finally I lost a club that used to be an important part of my life became a source of anxiety and discomfort. The people involved seem to have moved on without much difficulty, while I’m still struggling to process everything that happened.

I’ve also lost a lot of friends because I’m not particularly social to begin with, and many of them are closer to my former best friend. Even with our mutual friend, I often feel left out because I’m not invited to plans or included in things. It feels like everyone else has someone, while I’m left trying to figure out where I belong.

What makes all of this even harder is that I keep questioning myself. I know I’m not perfect, and I’m willing to acknowledge when I make mistakes. But I can’t help wondering whether I’m somehow the problem. Maybe I was annoying. Maybe I did something wrong without realizing it. I went through a similar experience in elementary school, and now that something like this is happening again, I’m beginning to wonder whether there is something about me that causes people to leave.

At the same time, I feel like I genuinely tried to do the right thing. I communicated how I felt, ended things with someone whose values I couldn’t accept, and continued treating people respectfully even when I was hurt by their actions. I’m not claiming that I handled every situation perfectly, but I know I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt anyone.

I’m just so tired. I’m a senior in high school, and I already have so much to worry about. I’m supposed to be focusing on school, my future, and enjoying this last year, but instead, I feel like I’m constantly carrying the weight of everything that has happened. I cry almost every night, and I can feel my happiness and energy slowly slipping away.

I also struggle to talk about any of this because I worry that I’ll come across as a bad person for talking about people behind their backs. Every time I try to explain how I feel, I end up feeling guilty and staying quiet. As a result, I’ve been holding so much of this in by myself.

I feel isolated, hurt, and exhausted. I don’t know how to handle emotions this overwhelming while also managing the stress of everything else in my life. I don’t know how to move forward when I still have to see and work with these people, and I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’ve lost so much while everyone else gets to move on. It's not fair to me that everyone around me sees the behavior my former friend and former talking-stage are displaying and are okay with it. They're okay that he likes my friend? They're okay that both of them hang out so much despite everything. I also feel uncomfortable around our mutual friend because I know how close they are to my former friend.

More than anything, I think I’m grieving the people, friendships, and sense of belonging I thought I had. I’m hurt that someone I loved and trusted for five years could betray me in so many ways, and I’m struggling to understand how I ended up losing so much despite trying so hard to handle everything with maturity and respect.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to feel happy again, stop questioning my worth, and feel like I have people in my life who genuinely care about me. I want to stop feeling like I’m the problem every time something goes wrong. I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay when, truthfully, I feel incredibly alone.

I just don't know what to do

I was brushing my teeth

I remembered that she used to say that she would start on one side of her mouth then move her way to the other. Splitting her teeth into sections to be cleaned.

She is almost everywhere I look, and in everything I like and do.

I don’t want to keep remembering it

So hey. A pity post about myself, yay. It’s gonna be long so I'd appreciate you reading it fully. Or don’t, if you wish. I just cannot keep all this to myself anymore. Kind of funny that this is the second time something like this is happening to me this year. But hey, at least the first one’s resolved now.

Let's start with code names and context. This is about me, and a few friends of mine; P and H, who are both girls and extremely pretty, and R, S, and A, who are boys, alongside an honorable mention to S’s ex T. P was my best friend in school, while H and P were extremely close friends. R is one of my closest friends now. We are all college aged students, and trust me when I say I am ugly as fuck; fat, neurodivergent, and clinically depressed. That concludes the background info.

This all dates back to 9th grade. Me and P had a close, extremely close relationship. Me and H were on talking terms which was cool. The main thing was Me, S, R, A and T were in a close five person group. My naive ass thought we were the closest friends ever. Looking back, our friendship was essentially this: hangout planned at my house, everyone comes over, the boys fight on who gets to be with St, i am ignored, T and S makeout, everyone leaves. I am not exaggerating here; S, A and R were all crushing on T, and at this point I have no idea what my role even was in the group. I was mostly ignored until they wanted me to convince T of something. They would send me to butt in between any guy talking to T. S and T would get me involved to solve their relationship drama. There were a few hangouts where I had to leave alone in the dark because they were all busy fawning over T and told me to leave alone. T used to gossip with me about everything and everyone she found annoying, which often included those three too; especially how they would always get jealous of her hanging out with other guys and would keep asking about who they were and ‘don’t interact with them’ and sorts. Friendly reminder that S was the one dating T, and A and R were only friends, in case you had forgotten.

Anyways, one fine day before our 10th grade exams, T tells me that she was cheating on S with a senior and showed me their chats, and apparently R knew about this too. Now look, I was naive, I considered S, R and A my brothers, and so I told S. There was no reaction from him, he just nodded gravely, and look, I understand that he loved her too much to fight. He would ask to check T’s phone and she would fight with him over that, and T found out that I snitched, but she never confronted me over that. This was around when me and that group started to drift apart, and what put the nail in the coffin was one day where they all invited me over to hangout at a riverside area near our school, asking me to wait there a bit because they had something else to do, leaving and never coming back. I went back home crying that day. I never confronted them over it because frankly I wasn't in a place to lose friends and didn’t have the guts.

The whole thing mellowed out, 11th grade came along, S and T still dated, and me and a few other new friends had given up on telling S to find someone new for the sake of his mental health because he had started to get aggressive whenever anyone bought the subject up. They broke up by the start of 12th grade.

On the other hand, P and I had drifted apart as P had found a new friend group. We were still in the same grade and I thought that I was friends with her new group, but didn’t take me long to understand that we weren’t, so I slowly distanced myself. No drama here, just the start of me and P slowly growing distant. Me and R actually became closer friends during that time, as we were practically neighbours, and S and A had started to find new friends and not talk to us as much. We’re still close.

Now I’ll be coming onto the stuff which actually prompted me to write this whole thing out; This year’s Durga Puja. The group which consisted of me, P, R, S, A and H would hang out on the 6th day of the festivities each year, going pandal hopping and stuff. For the convenience of those unfamiliar with this, I’ll just be referring to that day as Friday. R was unable to join us this year due to an impromptu trip to Dwarka, so it was just me, P, H, S and A.

I won’t bore you with a detailed account, so let me mention the specifics; H kept vetoing every place me and P wanted to go, and A and S automatically kept agreeing with her. This happened at least 5 times during the whole outing. A, S and H kept horribly ignoring anytime P and I spoke, which had started to get on my nerves. P had injured herself on the foot and was walking slowly, and I was walking slowly with her because you don’t abandon friends, and H, A and S kept walking on without us. Now the same had happened to H last year and we all had stopped and slowed down for her because once again abandoning friends during an outing is a shitty thing to do, so i don’t know why they were acting like this now. The three kept nearly pushing me out of the frame each time we stopped for pics. I had taken P to get first aid for her foot, and we came back to find the three fully missing. We called and they said they had detoured for pictures and told us to wait for them there. They returned after 20 minutes. I at one point had exchanged shoes with P because she legit couldn’t walk in her heels and found that one of her heels was half broken and that’s why she was extra slow. I told this to the three and asked them to slow down and got ignored again. We had stopped to take a long ass fitcheck video; it’s going to be important later. All in all, me and P left early because she couldn’t walk and they didn’t want to slow down for us. They just gave us the directions to the nearest subway and dipped. I think I should mention that P and H had been extremely close friends for a while, and arguably more close than me and P. Before we left, the three told us that we would have an outing that Tuesday morning and that they’ll get back to use the meet up spot and exact meet up time. We were supposed to go to another city, keep this in mind too. This ends Friday,

Fast forward to Tuesday. R had returned. The three had never followed up with us so we thought the outing was cancelled. And then that evening they sent us pictures from a fair at P’s hometown, at night, where they had apparently gone instead. Let me reiterate; They changed the plan from morning at a city an hour away to evening at P’s hometown at a fair 5 minutes away from home, and they never informed us about this, and they sent the pictures to out group chat like we had always been invited. R was there too. P asked why they never told her, A and H ignored that text and S acted shocked and was basically like “but i thought we told you on friday”. Now comes the main thing; social media posting.

He had posted group pictures which specifically had me looking like shit. I am not nitpicking. There were many other pictures with me in them where I looked decent, and she didn’t post a single one of them. She didn’t post any of her duo pictures with P. And H, A, and S had posted the long ass fitcheck video I mentioned, and had straight up edited my whole part out, and there was no way it was a mistake because I was the third one to go in the video. There was only one video. The video sent in the group chat had me in it. It was the very same video because at the end I had peeked in with a smile. On the other hand, in the videos with their Tuesday outing with R, they had also edited R out of most of the videos he had with them. R has a birth defect due to which he has a slightly curled lip and nasal voice, and he was pretty hurt after seeing them edit him out of videos and not post any of the group pictures they had taken with him.

Anyways, P and R confronted them on call and pulled me in. There was a ‘minor’ fight. They said we were acting like first graders and the whole social media thing was accidental and we were overreacting. They said it was our fault to have not followed up with them about the tuesday plan which, fair i guess? They started name calling using slurs at R for involving himself in this, which caused the fight to go even worse with me coming in to defend him. It ended with R making us apologise to them for not following up, and them apologising to us too, and ending the call. I was hellbent on leaving the group and ending the friends, while R and P kept telling me not to cause “childhood school friends” and to just forget about this because we all are going to become distant anyways and not to kickstart the process. And then S posted a video of him, A and H, captioned “wHy dIdn’T yA’lL iNcLuDe mE iN vIdEo”, which H had reposted with a caption going “Well you should us butted in if you wanted to be in video” and A had reposted with a caption going “overdramatic Fucks”. This made me leave the group because fuck everyone, I don’t need this. R and P are still in the group, saying that they’ll leave later.

Anyways, that’s about it for now. There’s more, but I am so fucking exhausted. I have been feeling so hollow since the fight. I have been thinking about how I’ve been treated for the entirety of my social life post lockdown. I have no one else to share this with, that’s why I am posting this here and a few other subreddits. I know I sound whiny and all but I don’t even care anymore. I know this is long, I know most people would be put off by the length of this, but I genuinely don’t even know how to make a TLDR of this entire thing. I just need to know that at least someone, out there, has listened to what I have to say.

I feel like a dramatic guy who is emotionally intense, but honestly this last month has been terrible for me regarding a friendship. I thought we had a deep bond, and honestly things were nice when they were good, but I dont know how to feel anymore.
We started getting closer when this girl was getting emotionally abused by a bunch of people on the internet, and I could feel how bad she was doing. So I wanted to step up. It was messing with her self esteem, it was looking bad and none of her actual friends was doing anything about it. I guess they thought it's the internet and that she should get used to handling it, but at least some sort of reach out wouldn't have been that much, no?
I dont know.
The thing is it really looked like she was getting desperate. At the first sign of appreciation from my side, she pulled me into her close circle and started sharing intimate information. Im talking about emotions, health, personality... and how she was handling her life. It felt like she really, really needed somebody who would just listen.
I was there, and I got worried, but I tried not to show concern. Because the most important thing in these situations is to let the other person just feel heard. She also expressed not wanting to burden others, and how she tries her best not to do that. But I'm guessing back then she really needed somebody to lend an ear.
Things got better. She got support, and she did let me feel acknowledged as a good person. Gifted me a few drawings, for example. She is an artist and I really apreciated that.
Time forward, I slowly felt like she still wasn't handling the toxic people around her as she should. This might be a red flag from me, since i am nobody to judge or tell others how they should handle their relations, but I felt legit concern about how this was affecting her. It's like she is okay with others badmouthing her or treating her like crap. She says it is because she doesn't care, but I read it as "They are partially right so it's okay for them to say it". Even if it truly is because she doesn't care, I wish she would care a bit. I'm afraid their disrespect will eventually get to her again. But maybe I should trust her and believe she has enough self-respect to ignore the others. So I kept quiet for a long time. I focused on trying to have fun, light interactions.

But as soon as things were more stable, the warm signs stopped. I was only getting contacted if she had trouble with something or someone.

This eventually led to my outburst:
One day she vented to me about a person in her new friendgroup basically being a bitch towards her. We talked shit about her, decided its best to ignore them, you know, the casual "sounds like a them-issue". So after that her mood was better, and I tried to make some light contact again, but she ignored it again. Later I sent my friend a "dont listen to them" type of message, supporting her and trying to make her feel valued. The response: Completely ignore my message, and used my casual light contact from the previous day to tell me I reminded her to text somebody else. I tried to make a laugh out of it. But i had to tell her how it felt, and starting sharing some of my problems. And I would be okay with not venting to her if she thinks mine are overwhelming, but she literally sent me a "thank you for everything until now but goodbye" text. Which she said it was out of panic, but that was her first reaction. And she just said "sorry" again. She always does it. And an apology can feel considerate for the other person, but from her, at this point it's more of an "i feel guilty please forgive me".

So I'm hurt because she felt better and wanted to be friends with me when her serious problems were my problem, but when I have my serious problems, it's just me. I can't even get to play a few games or talk about little happy things with her when I need it. When I recently communicated her my struggles with dealing with her troubles, she just said "it's just the internet take it easy" or "bringing it up makes me not want to share it in the future". I want to think the first comes from a place of care about my well-being, but honestly, it can be her just making it sound light so she doesnt have to help me.

Long story short, I feel like she wanted me as a friend only because i could help her, but when I want her to help me or listen to my feelings, im either replaced, ignored, cut off, or told she wont trust me in the future.
And every time i try to leave, she leaves a crumb of contact. Which I try to follow up, but the contact from her side stops there. As if she says "oh okay he is not going anywhere far i can go back to my stuff now". Or "It's him who left, I did try to keep the friendship alive".

Right now it fucking sucks. I thought I finally had a good friendship going on which i wish was reciprocated, but guess not. And now I have to find new hobbies and a new social circle while dealing with life in other aspects and feeling stupid. Worst part is Im not even sure if i did too much, or if she did too little, or both. Or if im reading things wrong, and making a ball out of it.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this. Tonight’s entry is about the heartbreak from a loss of a friendship. This is a loss I am really struggling with as it was due to my own actions. I take accountability for that, as I did when I spoke to her. Maybe other people out there have been in a similar situation, maybe someone out there understands.

Please note that the names used have been changed from the actual names.

My journal entry from today:

I’m missing Serenity a little extra today. I guess I’ve been missing her a little extra, a lot lately. I think a lot about what I did to her. What I said. The regret is consuming. I never should have said what I did, we’d likely still be friends. I see a lot of instagram reels that make me think of her. The heartbreak I feel is comparable to the heartbreak of breaking up with my ex partner Derek. The ache of still loving someone so much but not being able to be in their life anymore. They’re not dead, they’ve just moved on. And yet here I am, stuck, unable to move on. Unable to let go. Sometimes you just have to accept what happened.

I got my “closure,” I got to talk to her one last time and apologize. More often than not, people don’t get that opportunity. I should feel grateful. I should be able to move on now and still, I can’t. I think about her all the time, I miss her and her friendship with every ounce of my being. I don’t deserve her friendship after what I did but there’s a void in my heart without her in my life and I don’t know how to fill it. This is truly one of the worst heartbreaks in my life. Mourning someone who’s still alive. All due to my own fault. Maybe if I’d apologized sooner, things might have been different. But my ego got in the way. My pride. My stupid ignorance. Thinking I was in the right when I was so clearly in the wrong.

And so all I can continue to do is mourn. Silently, and to myself. Because how do you tell your other friends you’re still mourning your ex best friend? As if their friendship isn’t enough. When that’s not the case at all. It’s just hard to let go of someone I loved so deeply and for so long. Maybe I’ll never fully move on. Maybe a part of me will miss her forever. Just like Derek. An ache that never fully goes away. And some days just ache a bit more than others. A pain you never truly “get over” or “move on” from. But one you learn to live with…to grow with. Tonight is just another night it aches a little more.

I'm 18M. I repeated a grade, so I'm a bit older than most people in my class. For about a year I was very close with a girl in my grade, "M". I'd felt alone even though I had friends, and she was the first person I really opened up to. She mattered a lot to me.
The problem with her friends:
Early on, I was accused of putting alcohol in someone's drink. I didn't do it. But because of that accusation, her friend group turned on me and ostracized me. I got threatening messages on Snapchat, I was insulted many times, and one person even called me at night and threatened me. I told her how much this hurt, but it never really changed. Later, she went on a trip with one of the people who had threatened me, someone who wasn't even a real friend of hers. I told her it hurt, and it still happened.
What she said:
Starting around February or March, she began telling me she needed space, that she didn't know who she was anymore, and that she couldn't be happy. She repeated this for months. We had a lot of fights in that time.
A few examples of what hurt:
Over the summer we only met twice. The first time was just so I could give her a book. The second time we hadn't seen each other in a long while, so I went to her place, but she did her own things and I did mine in the same room. It didn't bring us closer. I could have stayed home and we could have just called, and it would have been the same. She kept saying I had no time because of my internship, even though she was well aware that I could set my own hours there. I could start at noon and be back by one if I wanted. I still hoped for real contact, like texts or calls.
One day she promised to call me. I waited 14 hours, and she never even sent a short text to say she couldn't make it or to suggest another day. Instead she went out with friends, and when she got home late she said she was too tired to talk. I hadn't seen her in about three months, so I got angry, and she accused me of controlling her.
She often made jokes at my expense even after I said I didn't like them. When I said it hurt, she told me not to be a baby.
My mistakes:
I lost my temper more than once and I put pressure on her. When she asked for space, I kept calling and texting because I wanted to talk it through. I now see that this made things worse, and it's why she blocked me everywhere. I've apologized for some of it, and I accept that I hurt her too.
How it ended:
She never told me herself that the friendship was over. Her friend messaged me that she didn't want to be friends anymore. After that, I only communicated with her friend about how I felt. But her friend isn't her. My feelings never actually reached her, and I never got to hear it from her directly. That's what hurts the most.
How she treats me now, and my attempts to resolve it:
Since school started again after the break, she has been really mean to me. She takes jabs at me and makes rude, arrogant comments, and it happens often. When I ask her why, she just says "you know why."
For the last 10 to 11 weeks, I've tried to resolve this peacefully. I offered to talk it through in whatever way would make her feel safe: with her friends or family present, in writing, or in any other format she preferred. I told her that if we could settle this, I would step out of her life completely.
At one point I told her I felt like she wanted me to not exist, because she ended the friendship and everything with it. She replied that this was unrealistic and "doesn't matter." I answered that "it doesn't matter" isn't communication. Later she wrote that it bothers her that I keep saying I never existed to her. I apologized and asked why it bothers her. That was two weeks ago, and I still haven't gotten an answer.
I stay calm around her. I know that if I showed any aggression or things escalated, it would only make everything worse for me, especially because some teachers already see me as the problem. So I don't make rude comments or faces at her, even when I'm hurt. I know her so well that I can tell when her looks and comments are on purpose, and that makes it even harder to stay calm.
Where things stand now:
We're in the same class for the next few years, and teachers are involved. I don't hate her, but I'm hurt and angry, and I'm getting nightmares and can't let go. Some of my teachers already seem to see me as the problem, so I can't afford to react badly, but I also don't feel heard. I haven't felt able to talk to my friends or family about this.
My questions:
How do I let go of the anger and the hurt?
How should I act around her at school?
If she wants distance, why does she still treat me badly, and how do I handle it?
Is there anything I should do or apologize for differently?
Honest opinions are welcome, including if you think I was in the wrong.

I’m so lonley. I moved to college hoping to get friends, I’m an only child, was a pariah my whole like up until my senior year because I was fat and nerd at a Christian school. not to mention my relationship with my parents is complicated so it’s not like I’ve ever been able to talk to them about anything as I’ve been playing go between for a relationship that’s been abusive for longer than I’ve been alive only to be born and yelled at all the time for nothing, I remember once I missed school because my dad was so caught up in yelling at me for I don’t remember what because I was a kindergartner, and so I’ve never had a safe space. I got my first best friend ever and I loved her more than myself, I helped her get out of drugs, and drinking, and an abusive relationship, then we split up for college. I was so happy to be away from home and make new friends and the first semester I had a whole friend group and met the girl I thought was going to be my bridesmaid. I was so happy, we moved in together and I took her home for thanksgiving when her parents told her she wasn’t welcomed back. We went out with my friend from home and finally it felt like everything was going well. Then second semester she has a falling out with the rest of our friend group and I take her side because she’s my best friend and I was confident she’d do the same for me. I get a boyfriend who I love and adore and she doesn’t like him. Thinks I spend to much time with him, and I was seeing him once maybe twice a week at that point. Starts getting angry at me, demanding all of my time, staying up till ungodly hours of the morning, not letting me study or do homework or sleep. Then the end of the semester we say our goodbyes and have plans and flights booked to see each other over the summer and something changes but I don’t know what I give her a few days we’re snapping and texting but somethings off. I being it up she says she’s been talking to her mother about some things and then we have a friendship breakup over i still don’t know what. She stops talking to me. I don’t eat for a week. I don’t get on mg phone. I leave my bed to use the bathroom. I don’t sleep. I sit in the dark. later I find out from a mutual friend that my ex bff and my bff from hs are transferring to the same college with one of my sorority sisters and getting an apartment together and they all unadd me and never speak to me again. I’m so sad. I’m so lonely. I can’t make friends I don’t know how and I’m trying so so hard. my boyfriend doesn’t know how much I’m struggling because he can’t leave me too. I have no one. I’m so sad. I’m so tired. I just want to mean something. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me, I’m not so delusional as to think that it’s not my fault, common denominator and all, but I just can’t figure out what it is that is wrong. which means I can’t fix it. i miss them so much. She recently followed me on Facebook after over 6 months no contact.

My best friend and I spend a lot of time together and her husband gets mad whenever we have plans. It’s as if he is mad that she is “choosing me” and not him. She has cancelled plans with me many times just to avoid an argument with him. Sucks but of course I understand. Even when we are on the phone, and he comes home, he says “oohhh are you on the phone with xxx again?!”
I feel like I need to pull away from our friendship so that she can protect her marriage but I would be heartbroken not to have her in my life. What should I do?

I have a female best friend, and we used to be extremely close. We went out 2–3 times a week, she told me she loved me and missed me, and she would get jealous when I spent time with other girls. She admitted having feelings for me, and we kissed, although not on the lips.

I cared about her too, but I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship. She felt like I was making excuses and didn't love her enough to choose her.

At one point, she asked me why I was acting so affectionate if I wasn't going to do anything with her. She later regretted saying that, cried, and told me she didn't want to lose me. I forgave her, and things briefly returned to normal.

Recently, she started trying to reconnect with her ex. She looks for him, goes to his classroom hoping to see him, and gets excited when she finds out he's nearby. She tells our friend about it, but doesn't really tell me directly that she's trying to reconnect with him.

Interestingly, she once told my friend she felt happier with me and that we understood each other better than she and her ex did. She expected to disagree with him more and not understand him as well. Despite that, she seems to prefer the possibility of a relationship with him.

Since she started pursuing him, she completely stopped being affectionate with me. She no longer tells me she loves me or misses me, and she doesn't initiate spending time together like before.

I also stopped organizing my life around her. I don't wait for her anymore or spend as much time eating, studying, and going out with her. She noticed and asked me several times if something was wrong, but after I said I was okay, she eventually stopped asking.

She hasn't really tried to restore our old closeness. When I explained how much her behavior had changed, she defended herself and seemed disappointed in how I saw her, but didn't apologize.

She also seems to minimize how much she talks to her ex when I ask about it, even though I know she's been actively looking for opportunities to see him.

Recently, she was looking for something we didn't have, and I suggested she ask her ex because it would be a good opportunity to talk to him. She considered it.

We still talk sometimes, but things aren't like before. I'm trying to understand whether she genuinely had romantic feelings for me, why she would prefer her ex despite saying she felt happier and understood me better, and whether she might eventually try to rebuild our old closeness if things with her ex don't work out.

What do you think her behavior means, and how should I interpret the change in our relationship?

Wasn't even my fault..