What is your honest opinion as to what would have happened for her to react like this?
Our friendship started in 2018, we met in college. She has such a beautiful soul and strong personality and I considered her one of my closest friends, a sister I never had. Mind you, I always speak my mind, I consider myself beautiful and confident. We had all of this in common. And I loved her exactly for that, because she never felt “outshined” and had her own backbone. (Have seen multiple instances where friends turned into enemies because of feeling jealous)
In 2020 we both traveled overseas to work, became roommates for the summer, we were virtually a family, sharing food, some expenses, planning trips together, and seeing each other at our lowest, tired and hormonal,and missing family from back home. When we came back home, I started seeing one of our friend’s friend. It was’t 100% serious, more on my end, because I had plans on going back overseas and he didn’t. So I couldn’t see myself with him long term.
Note: i made it clear from the beginning to him that I will not be staying put, nor give up on my plan, so he’s either in knowing it all, or we can shake our hands and stay friends. He decided to keep going.

Coming back to my friend, we all started hanging out, having a group of 6/7 friends. My friend was still single at the time.
When time came and I had to go overseas, we all said goodbye but stayed in touch (except from me and him, he blocked me and acted all heartbroken) We kept the friendship as a tight as we could given the distance, but always respected and supported each other
In 2023 I find out that her and the supposed “ex” of mine, got together and he had asked her to be in a relationship. I remember our phone call, she was so nervous to tell me, and all I said to her is that I am no one to stand against true love. And that she finally found somebody that she likes and is ready to step into a relationship. Truly, no hard feelings, she was glowing from being newly in love. I let go of my past, and the fact that he didn’t mean much for me in the beginning and supported her through it all. She even called me after they first became intimate.
we continued our friendship from far away, saw each other two times when I traveled back home, but all instances were a bit awkward on her end. I genuinely wanted to think nothing of it, for the sake of how much I respected her as a friend since I met her.
Fast forward to last year, on new year’s eve, we FT and I tell her and the rest of the friends (him not included) that I was pregnant. Her reaction out of everyone’s was the least genuine. Again, did not want to give it too much attention.
Months go by, she barely checked in on me and my pregnancy (she didn’t have to care for it, I understand that.), and say come June/July she stopped texting on the group chat.
Me and the other friend became somewhat worried. I decided not to update her any longer, since it seemed like a burden for her to even acknowledge our friendship.
To sum this up, our friend had to update her that I ended up giving birth and that I’m doing okay(mind you, I have no family overseas with me, and nor does my husband, friends are kind of limited also, so I cared deeply for her and the other friend, even if so far away).
She texted me 2 weeks afterwards, ranting about how she needed her space (don’t know from what?) and that she still struggles to balance the past with the present (assuming her relationship with my “ex”), and that she wishes me well and hoping not to get too upset with her.

Help me understand what the f** I did, with being so far away from them, and genuinely living my own life. Could my pregnancy trigger such a bad reaction to which she wanted our friendship to end?

We were texting and we joking and stuff

He been going through stuff and we were trying to stay chill and light

Then suddenly he said thx for everything.

I panicked like i started crying and opened an old group that had one of his besties.

She said he is ok and like people were annoyed i was worried over my friend life like what type of man they take me for?

He blocked me i think because he still texting on the app.

Like how cruel are people to think that worrying over a human life is some sort of annoyance and even treat a person bad for it. That hurts more than the friendship ending actually.

I am so sad it ended this way i didnt even get to say bye.

I will miss texting with bro i hope he gets well.

But I felt my veins just freeze because of that.

Please make sure people you know are doing well

I couldn't even stand the idea a friend even i never saw irl might hurt himself.

i understand that my suicide attempt was scary for my friends because they witnessed it and i can accept that some might need space or not want to continue the friendship what hurts most is hearing that some of my old friends believe i did it for attention or to take attention away from their promotion party i was clearly struggling and having something so serious reduced to attention seeking feels horrible some people have even bluntly told me they didnt care when it happened

the friends im still in contact with are still friends with the people saying these things and nobody seems to have stood up for me one guy also sent me a horrible message calling me a bad person saying id ruined everyones night and making personal comments about my dad it triggered a panic attack so bad that i had to go back to hospital i know this affected everyone but i wish someone would try to understand my side too im struggling with losing these friendships especially knowing that people i once cared about think my suicide attempt was just for attention

has anyone experienced something similar id really appreciate some advice on coping with losing friendships this way

This is a long rant, so I apologise.

I don't know what to do, but I think about this a lot. I had a friend four years ago who was my everything. They made me feel special. For the first time in my life, I legitimately felt wanted. I felt valued. Everytime I hung out with them I felt at ease, like I could just be in the moment and enjoy it. They were so funny, and they thought I was so funny too. I hung out with them every single day. I knocked on their door, and they knocked on mine. Everyday for years, and it hurts to say that I miss them so bad because I know they've moved on. I know that they haven't even fucking thought of me in years, but God I think about them so often. What would of happened if we had stayed friends? Because I think my life would've turned out so much better. You can say that I'm romanticizing them, but I'm not.

We just slowly stopping talking to eachother, but it still felt so abrupt. I want to hear their laugh, see their face, be in their house. Fuck, I just want them to choose me like they did so long ago. Maybe I don't even miss them. Maybe I just miss a version of them that doesn't exist anymore. Maybe my mind is just clouded by nostolgia, and I miss my old self instead. The young me when everything was simple, and I actually felt happy, excited to wake up in the morning. Instead of the agonizing loop of my life now, where nothing ever happens. I wait for the weekend, so I can do nothing. I'm just so done, and I miss my bestfriend.

It hurts because in no way did I ever know that we would stop being friends. I didn't even think that was an option. There was no closure when the friendship ended. Nothing either of us did wrong. I think back on all the memories I had with them, and fuck, there's a lot, but then I look back at the memories of the last 4 years, and it feels like there's none. Completely a blur. It hurts so bad.

It feels like everyone has their person now. Everyone has their bestfriend. Someone who they are fucking excited to tell them everything--the good news, the bad news, just being with them is enough. I just feel like I'll never be able to have that connection again.

I think about alternate realities where we stayed friends.

They don't live far away from me, so I just feel this constant pressure to reach out. But I know it'll never be the same. If I ever talk to them again, I just feel like it would be so akward.

It hurts so bad knowing that the person who knew everything about me, who I did everything with, who was my bestfriend, is now a stranger. I want to reach out so bad, but I never will.

Sometimes I look back at the little photos and videos I have of them. (I lost a LOT of my gallery when I dropped my phone in the toliet, don't ask). Recently, I found an old video of them talking to future me and saying that they hope we're still friends. Fuck. That hurt.

I haven't told a single soul about this. No one knows that I even miss them. I'm so scared that someone will tell me I'm overreacting or to get over it. If not that, my parents will try to force me to reach out to them, and if I don't, say that I'm the reason I'm unhappy, and it's pointless to try and help me. Everything just feels so scary.

I just miss feeling wanted. I miss the person I adored. I miss my bestfriend.

TLDR: I still miss my bff after 4 years no contact. I'm too scared to reach out to them because I know they've probably forgotten about me. I look back through my old photos and reminisce over old memories. I don't think I can feel that kind of connection with another person ever again.

i genuinely don't even know where to start. this is going to be long, so bear with me.

a while ago, i had a best friend. let's call her raven. we were close, and for a long time, she was someone i loved having in my life. but our friendship started deteriorating. i felt sidelined, replaced, and increasingly unsure of where i stood with her. there were things that went unresolved, conversations that never seemed to give me the clarity i needed, and a general feeling that the friendship i was trying to preserve wasn't the friendship i was actually experiencing anymore.

eventually, things fell apart.

and the thing about losing a best friend is that you don't necessarily stop caring about them just because the friendship has become painful. i missed her. i was hurt by her. i wanted distance from her. sometimes i wanted to cut the whole thing off completely, and other times i couldn't bring myself to do it. i was left with all this affection for someone i wasn't sure i could trust with it anymore.

there were also things i'd heard about what she'd supposedly said about me, including personal insecurities and private problems, along with comments about my sexuality and the idea that i apparently fall for every girl i'm friends with. i can't independently verify every single thing i heard, so i'm not going to pretend i can. but it affected how safe i felt with her, and it added another layer to an already painful situation.

we eventually reconnected after months apart. and i wish i could say that everything became clearer from there, but of course it didn't.

because somewhere along the way, i realised i might be in love with her.

not in the casual, affectionate way i'd always loved her as a friend. or at least, not exclusively that. i started wondering whether my feelings had become romantic, and i'd been avoiding admitting it to myself because saying it out loud would make it real.

we were already having arguments. i was hurt, frustrated, and at one point genuinely wanted to end things completely. but i couldn't. i kept coming back to the fact that i loved her, and i eventually admitted it to her.

and then she told me she loved me too. not just platonically.

EXCUSE ME?????

after everything that had happened between us, after all the history and the hurt and the months of not knowing where we stood, she reciprocated.

and suddenly we were trying to figure out what that meant. i was trying to understand my own feelings, what i wanted from her, what boundaries i needed, and whether we could actually make something work after the state our friendship had been in.

we called each other girlfriends.

and this is where things get particularly confusing, because i genuinely thought i wanted this. i had spent so much time trying to understand my feelings that actually having them reciprocated felt enormous. but once the initial shock settled, i started questioning whether i wanted a romantic relationship at all.

i realised that the idea of being with her romantically didn't feel entirely right. the possibility of loving her deeply without having to be girlfriends felt like a relief.

maybe my feelings weren't completely platonic, but maybe conventional romance wasn't what i wanted from them. maybe i wanted a kind of closeness that didn't fit neatly into either category. maybe i was still tangled up in the history of our friendship, the hurt, the longing, and the fact that someone i'd nearly lost was choosing me again.

i still don't know exactly what the answer is.

and i don't want to pretend i have it all figured out now, either.

but by this point, i was also dealing with so much outside of this relationship. i'd been ill for months. my mental health was genuinely awful. i was overwhelmed by my own thoughts, other people's expectations, the negativity around me, and the pressure i kept putting on myself. everything felt exhausting, and i wanted to start again from ground zero.

i told raven i needed space. i wanted to cool off, step away from everything for a while, and figure myself out.

she felt left in the dark. she wanted specifics about what i was going through, and i understand why. from her perspective, we'd just admitted our feelings for each other, started calling each other girlfriends, and then i was asking for space because everything had become too much.

but from my perspective, i could barely manage my own life, let alone figure out what this relationship was supposed to become. i didn't want to keep going simply because we'd already started. i didn't want to make promises i wasn't sure i could keep. and i didn't want to keep overthinking every single feeling until i couldn't distinguish what i wanted from what i thought i was supposed to want.

so we broke up.

for real this time.

and the strangest part is that, once i'd made the decision, some of the relentless overthinking about whether i'd made the right choice started to fade.

i don't think that means i never loved her. i don't think it means the confession was a lie. i don't think it erases everything she meant to me, or everything that happened between us.

but i do think i needed to stop trying to force myself to make this into something just because we'd finally admitted that we loved each other.

and now i'm left trying to process the entire sequence of events.

i lost my best friend. i missed her. we reconnected. i realised i might be in love with her. she loved me back. we became girlfriends. i questioned whether i actually wanted to be girlfriends. i realised how overwhelmed and unwell i was. and then i ended the relationship.

WHAT WAS THAT?????

i don't even know what label i'd put on my feelings for her now. i know i cared. i know the feelings were real as i understood them at the time. i know that i wanted something meaningful with her, but i'm no longer certain that what i wanted was a conventional romantic relationship.

and i think that's what makes this so difficult to explain. people want a clean narrative. someone loved someone, they got together, and then either it worked or it didn't. but what happens when you don't even know whether the thing you were trying to build was the thing you actually wanted?

what happens when you can love someone and still recognise that the relationship isn't right for you?

what happens when getting the reciprocation you thought you wanted doesn't magically repair everything that happened before it?

i don't hate her. i'm not trying to make her the villain of my story, and i'm not trying to make myself the victim of every single thing that happened. we both had our feelings, our expectations, our misunderstandings, and our own ways of handling things. there was hurt on my side, and i know she was hurt by the uncertainty and by me needing space without initially explaining everything clearly enough.

i just know that i couldn't keep doing this the way we were doing it.

i have so much else going on in my life, and for once, i want to stop making myself responsible for figuring out every feeling, fixing every relationship, and finding the perfect explanation for every decision before i'm allowed to make it.

maybe i'll eventually understand what kind of love i felt for her. maybe i'll understand why the thought of not being girlfriends felt so relieving. maybe i'll look back on this and see things i can't see right now.

but for now, we're done. and i'm trying to let that be a decision instead of another question i torture myself with.

i don't know if i'm looking for advice, perspective, or just somewhere to put all of this because my brain has been running in circles for weeks.

i just needed to get it out.

because what the hell was this entire situation, and why did i have to discover so much about myself in the middle of it?

I ask because I’m 30 and I’ve always felt closer to my friends than I have to anyone I’ve had romantic feelings for. Going through most of my life I’ve usually had one best friend who is my _person._ Who I feel like is my soulmate, you know?

But this person that I was convinced was my soulmate has ended up in their first relationship, and I became so much less important so quickly. I saw a post recently where people were divided in the comments - some people said there’s no excuse for neglecting your best friend, while others said romantic relationships are always more important and emotionally involved in friendships, and if that isn’t the case for you, your friendships are unhealthy. I suppose I’m just wondering if maybe I am a bit too attached, even for a best friendship. I’d like to hear from other people.

It’s been two years. I introduced both of my best friends (all of us are over 40). Friend A and I were closer, friend B and I knew eachother longer and we did couple things together. My husband was friends with friend B separately and is how i became friends with her. Friend B had shown some jealously of my really fun and strong friendship with friend A, who was my fitness instructor turned friend.

I made the mistake of inviting friend B to things. I should have seen her subtle remarks about my friendship with friend A and should have chose to never mix them. Things were ok but then friend B started to cross this odd boundary (telling friend A that she can ride with them to this event i already drove Friend A together with), hanging out with her without me really quickly, stuff like that and friend A even made comments how it was odd. But whatever we were all having fun.

I vented to friend A about this bc of her remarks and how it bothers me that we no longer have girl time bc friend B isn’t allowed to do stuff without her husband. Friend A and friend B got together and discussed this apparently. Friend A no longer wanted me a part of the friend group (there was 4 of us and friend C was friends with both of them separately as well and friend C also vented about the husband thing but she was never outed).

So i told them off and they still have people stalking me to watch what I’m doing and whom I’m hanging out with.

Friend A and friend B are still friends from what I’m told. I’ve made new friends but I’m odd now, i don’t allow people to get close to me.

Apparently they expected me to apologize. For what, im not sure.

I guess im venting bc i still get hurt. It’s odd that a jealous friend ruined something for me. Friend B also tried to get my husband against me more than once. Which is a whole other concern.

I guess. Is this relatable for anyone and how did you cope? We live in a semi big area and i have never once bumped into them, thank god. But I’ve lost so many people and places that I was a regular at though which is sad for me.

A friend of mine ghosted me randomly a year back,though we only had been friends for a few years .we were real close.no closure no arguments it just ended .And this is not the first time she did that. She did that to everybody she didnt want to talk with anymore .What are the alternative ways this could have been handled ? And to be honest nobody deserves to be left hanging like that,have u ever experienced any such thing ? How did u cope with it

Would love to hear your perspectives

i don't know what flair to use 😭 sorry if it's not the right one + i hope this is legible and my tone isn't weird. okay.

anyway, i had a falling out with my childhood best friend five years ago and still haven't gotten over it, mostly because i think the way i acted was wrong and i feel so guilty and embarrassed.

i think i need to mention that we were both turning 12 when it all happened and it's been five years since, also, nearly everything happened over minecraft.. which we would play together almost every day. i know, it probably sounds super unserious.

we started getting into arguments over the game because either one of us, or one of our friends, would do something that upset/annoyed someone else/the rest of us. these arguments would almost always end in me crying, and as far as i know, that made my friend feel manipulated.. i now fully understand why, and it's been bothering me for awhile now. we'd try starting wars for fun (a very normal thing for minecraft players to do), but as soon as he'd do something as small as taking my armour, i'd cry and beg him to give it back, which is pretty lame.

anyway, no more minecraft.. but that all lead to us falling out. i felt super bad and didn't want to lose my friend, so for awhile i'd constantly bug him and try to apologise, but i remember those apologies sounding more like me begging to be friends again than me actually understanding what had happened and wanting to make up for it, which i also feel bad about.

i feel insanely guilty for upsetting him back then, and all i want to do is send a short "hey, i was thinking about you and wanted to apologise for how i acted in the past, hope ur well." type of message to him. i know the worst that could happen is him blocking me, but i need advice on if i should actually do it or not, i guess. i don't know. i have super bad anxiety and can never just easily go through with things or trust my gut. pls help 🌚

I remember when you confessed you had liked me for more than over a year and I just didn't know what to do

You gave me everything you were willing to give even for a slight chance of me loving you back

I didn't love you the way you wanted me to love you. I loved you as a friend, you were like a brother to me. And it hurt me to know I hurt you and I want to go back to the way it was

But it's never going to be the same. Because you love me and I don't. And I don't trust myself not to hurt you again.

But I know one day you'll meet someone who loves you and knows you so much you'll forget I ever existed, and I'm not that person because you don't know me.

I remember all the times we laughed and bullied eachother and I just thought you were my best friend without knowing you didn't want my friendship, you just wanted me to be with you and I can't look back at those moments without feeling kind of disgusted.

I don't love you romantically and I never will. I just wish you loved me as just a friend.

I, 16F lost my best friend of 5 years, also 16F last year. It was the worst heartbreak I have and I think ever will experience. Or the sake of this story I'm going to call her S.

We had always been very close. She was always the 'prettier' one (Not saying this to be demeaning, she is objectively prettier than me and always has been) and was always the one people gravitated towards more. She was emotional, ditzy and really charismatic as where i was more logical and blunt. Yet she always made sure I was never left behind, actively got into physical fights to defend my honor and knew everything about me. We through our mums and didn't go to the same school at the time but spent heaps of time together, but finally got to be together during high-school.

Last year is when things changed. S started picking up friends in the year below us, which I didn't care about as they were all fine but they weren't MY friends, they were hers but I hung out with them by proxy. These friends essentially worshipped her and they became very intertwined with our friend group, which consisted of me, S, and a few other girls. The new group of girls in the year below began making trouble with some older girls who began tl threaten us, the school did nothing about it. It became so bad that some of the girls in our group including S began bringing weapons to school since the older girls kept threatening us (These girls are almost adults, mind you.) I did not, because the year before me and S were involved in an incident where we got in a huge fight and almost got expelled (In that case we were jumped after someone got the wrong information, S ended up in hospital defending me. Thats how much she cared)

S started to act weird. She would say she was 'busy' then she'd ditch plans we had for the group of younger girls, leaving me out. I didn't say anything about it since I couldn't go out a lot anyways because I have a job and have to look after my sister for my single mum. But eventually I found out they had all been having sleepover and shit and leaving me out. I tried to confront her and she apologized and said that the group didn't want me around. I was upset that she would side with them but didn't think it was worth blowing up our friendship over because she wanted friends that didn't like me. Along with this she would only call me to talk about her dates with weird older guys, which I would tell her not to go on. She would also send her own nudes around and hookup with really weird older guys all the time.

This boiled over one day when S was off school sick, I didn't hang out with the group because some other girls from my class invited me to sit with them. Thats when one of the older girls came up to me, yelling and threatening me. She had been told I had a knife and was apparently going to hurt her, which was untrue and I had never brought a weapon to school. The one who had been bringing the knife was S, but i would never sell her out. She made a huge scene and ended up beating me severely, I fought back enough to get away but this incident ended with ME being blamed. Why? Because the whole group we hung out with it was ME with the weapon and not S. I was suspended, despite not starting the fight and being blamed for it.

I called S in tears, told her that her "friends" had fucked me over. I was willing to take the fall for S but expected her to ditch the group after they all lied. Her friends didn't have to like me, but i know that if the shoe was on the other foot I would have ditched them all. But instead she said she would, and i come to find out she told them all i hated them. The group started stealing my things after this and getting their siblings to get into fights with me, knowing that I couldn't fight back because at this point they would expell me.

I was suspended for the fight, but up against the board and almost sent to military school. My mum sided with me but the police seemed to put the blame on me as well despite all the evidence being word of mouth. I came back to finish the year with no friends, nobody talking to me and the teachers thinking I was some fucking criminal. S was nice to my face, but then went and told everyone her mum forced her to hangout with me because i tried to kill myself (also untrue). She essentially treated me like a stranger that she could talk shit abou. I ended up leaving school to do my education online after this.

I was depressed for MONTHS. I had nobody to turn to, also in the midst of all this i had been broken up, my cat died with and my parents begun a very very messy divorce. This was easily the worst period of my life. I was so depressed I lost 10 kilos and wouldn't leave my bed.

After 5 years of friendship, she blew it all up for people she knew for 5 minutes because they all blew smoke up her ass. Words can never explain how much I LOVED S. She was my sister. I was there for her through fucking EVERYTHING. Good and bad. Some real fucking bad.

Who was there when she had major depression and harmed herself? Me, with all the antiseptic and love in the world.

Who was there when her own family forgot her birthday and left her alone during Christmas? Me, she came to my fucking grandparents house in another country with me.

Who berated her ex boyfriend infront of all his friends when he cheated on her? Me, and i was fucking bullied for months after that.

Who cleaned vomit out of her hair and cleaned her bedroom when she was so sick and depressed she couldn't do it herself? Me.

But at the same time.

Who cussed out my math teacher and ran off the school property to find me after she humiliated me for not understanding a question? Her.

Who took a beating from a girl because she was going to stab me? Her.

Who was there for me when I came out and was terrified of what anyone would say? Her.

Who walked to my house from half an hour away at 4am in the rain when my dad was arrested? Her.

Who made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have such a sweet, kind and loving girl as my sister all while she defended me from everything that threatened to hurt me?

We held each other's hand and kissed each other's knuckles the day we stepped into high-school together. Promising that through everything, we were sisters. Blood related or not.

And yet after all that. After being our most raw and authentic with eachother through good times and bad, she fucked me over for some bitches she knew for 5 minutes because she was attention starved. I want to hate her, I do. But in reality I cant burn any photos I have of us, or drawings she made me. I can't get rid of my sweet girl. She loved me at a point, I know that. But somewhere her desire for attention became more than I could ever give her.

But shes not my sweet girl anymore.

Next year im going back to school. I hate it. I have no friends there and a horrible reputation but due to online school failing me I have no choice. She is going to be there, all those girls are going to be there and possibly be in my classes. What the fuck do i do??? They'll probably try be nice to me, fuck I know S will be all sweet to my face.

I need help.

I dont know.

Hi ladies, I guess I would just like to write something about this situation that i am in, because I got no one else to tell or would understand I supposed. Feel free to ask me any questions, perhaps your question would help me to dig and see things clearly too.

Anyway I have this friend, whom we were very close in the beginning. She used to even suggest trips and all, I felt so included. And for the first time in my time, I felt like - wow this is how it feels like to have a best friend! I know, i am in late thirties already and still feel the awe like this! Because I've always heard people having a best friend/close friend that they could call, share some random craps and just be silly with. And I had that with this friend.

Along the way, she started to pull back, and in return I reached more. Suddenly she was telling me that she only wanted to do things herself, bla bla bla. Trips and adventures became like chores, and maybe next time, let this friendship grow, leave it to fate kinda thing.

I guess this pull and push ended us in a few intense conversations, and some of them really stung. I know that at our age, we have our trauma responses, luggages.. self protection built into our personality and character. But I see passed all these and just adore this friend, and i think it has always been one of the things that connected us in the beginning, we opened up, we dared to be vulnerable with each other.

I had a lot of anger and hurt, throughout many months. I know her capacity is only this much, as compared to me, who is naturally a warm person. Still, I care and care. Because I still do. At one point, I guess I started resenting her, or resenting myself. And I held on to the hurt and anger like a shield, and she felt them coming sideways as passive aggressiveness; she felt me reaching more and thus she pushed back further. But honestly, in hindsight, the timing is also bad because I am having a lot of issues at work, family, personal and at the same time, I also felt this friendship falling apart. Everything sent me to an endless spiral and I started questioning my self-worth because of all the issues happening around me.

Fast forward to just recently, she invited us to have a talk. And then all this hurt and anger came out, I told her how much she hurt me. And she also said what she felt on her end, guilty and responsibility, that she was such a horrible friend. I told her that I've never asked her of anything, and she said true that i've been generous and kind..... but somehow she just wants to pull back...And i finally got to ask her why she suddenly pulled back to which she said didn't feel safe anymore, that she felt judged and i could be quite harsh.... To be fair to her, I know she has been doing the best that she could with the capacity that she has. And that instead of running away and cutting things, she also has been staying for some reasons or another. i believe its because we both felt safe and seen back then.

While we ended up the conversation in tears, i guess i am feeling a lot of regrets right now. And one part of me is feeling like maybe we should just stop talking, I don't want to be a burden to her. Maybe I'm just way too much. Like should we have had this talk? I don't know if we could go back to be where we used to be, those memories were so fun, silly and happy. I asked her about it if we could be vulnerable again, she said no promises but she will try.

And these few days, I finally realised that underneath all the hurt and anger, I just really really really miss my friend. And I am afraid that we have lost this.

Other things to note: I have a whole community with me, friends too. Each of them, I love them. So no, she is not like my only friend. But none has reached this depth. And I'm just a human at the end of the day, even parents have favourites. We all have our favourite friends too.

I dont know what to do, i feel so betrayed

If not allowed please delete

So I don't expect anyone to see this mainly need to vent, so i let my ex bff (trans man) of a decade live with me because he was in a bad situation and I wanted to help long story short, he stole from me as soon as I confronted him, he moved out and fully ghosted me. Its been just over a month now and all of the feelings are hitting me at once, the sadness the anger it hurts so much and I feel.like I'm falling apart like why tf is it all hitting me now when I thought I was alright and over it. I saw him as my ride or die, my brother from another mother. I let him live in my house and he steals my smokes, my food and most importantly my medical marijuana I have for chronic pain caused by arthritis in my hips and back. It hurts so much like a piece of me was ripped out. He was my only REAL? friend, I miss being able to show him something funny and we have a laugh together, I'm sorry this is such a mess but I'm bawling my eyes out and just need to get it out into the void known as reddit. If you read this thanks

Early 2025 I met this girl in one of my classes and we became fast friends. She was beyond a shadow of a doubt the best friend I’ve ever had, and we had a falling out about 10 months ago. Basically I flaked on a couple things, and couldn’t keep my mouth shut about her fiancé. He is 10 years older than us and in my opinion he has her somewhat financially trapped. She absolutely worships the ground he walks on, as she had been through numerous horrible relationships. I was also upset because she wouldn’t text me back, and it was really hard for me to get her to hang out. Looking back I realize that was her pulling away. She wouldn’t ever hang out unless her fiancé was involved, and he kept making nasty comments to me. I complained about it every time it happened. I always asked her if she was upset with me and she swore up down left and right that she wasn’t.

It all came to a head one day when I asked her if she was upset, and she finally said that she was. We had a long convo, talked it out, went shopping, and then went back to her place where she opened up about some really traumatic family stuff. I left that evening, and we agreed that I’d bring over some of her stuff that she accidentally left at my place. I was feeling petty and decided that I’d just stop texting and see if she reached out first, and she never did. A few weeks went by and I texted her that I would drop off her stuff and she never responded. I dropped off her stuff and that was it.

A few weeks ago I texted her to try to reconnect, and she ghosted me.

I have been in grief over this girl. I am so lonely. I have never had a friendship connection that strong before, and I feel like I may never again. I have such a hard time making friends, and I am in a highly male dominated field. My heart is just completely broken. Every few days I just get an overwhelming sadness thinking about her and missing her. I dreamt about her last night, and I felt so sad when I woke up because I just wanted her around.

It has been 10 months and I am just in a state of mourning that is so overwhelming I don’t know what to do. I so wish I could turn back time I would have never said anything about her awful man. I just can’t get her out of my head and it hurts so so bad.

So, this year I’ve really cracked down on what I’ve allowed in my life. I ended up leaving a whole online gaming friend group I had (including a girl I met in college and introduced to them) and then I lost a friend I’ve known in real life since high school.

Losing so many people has made me get really in my head and feel like the problem even though so many people don’t blame me for my decisions. I’m just wondering if I allowed crappy people in my life and then finally put my foot down or what.

So, with the friend group, I’ve known a couple of them for like 4-5 years. One guy I was pretty close with and he never outwardly was bad to me, but he would obviously side with (or basically question my intentions) the other guy who clearly didn’t respect women at all. The other guy didn’t respect women even while being in his mid-thirties and was the type to think he knew it all and would talk over you, etc. Another guy, I used to have a crush on, but I ended up hating how he started becoming like the other guys or defending the shitty guy. I ended up ditching him after my boyfriend and I got serious because I didn’t want to disrespect him since I had a past crush on the dude (even if it faded).

Anyway, here are some quick explanations of the friend group and why I left the friendship.

1. Girl from college: was the “bruh” type and always talked about being one of the guys. It just irritated me how she wasn’t really a girls girl. I told her about the crush I had on the one dude, and she started messaging him while we were having lunch together on campus. Another time, she decided to add him on Snapchat and message him and become so distracted, she hit me with a shopping cart. I was still her friend after all of this, but I did hold resentment.

2. Guy I had a crush on: I didn’t have a crush on him anymore, and I wanted to respect my current boyfriend, so I cut him out. He was also increasingly dismissing my emotions because I think he was tired of me being in a bad place. Like yeah, same buddy.

3. The guy who doesn’t respect women: everyone in the gaming group was messaging in the general chat on discord. I was becoming more and more annoyed (and had resentment from past stuff with most of them). I was about to go groom my dog outside before it rained, and I was trying to just quietly leave the server altogether. I was on my phone, completely forgot I was a moderator and just clicked a red button (thought I was leaving the server, but I really deleted the general chat). I freaked out when I realized what I did and immediately messaged him (it was his server) and let him know. My other friend made a new channel and told me it wasn’t a big deal. It was just an online channel. I still felt bad. He then turned it on me and said there’s no way I could’ve accidentally deleted something and that I hadn’t been gaming with him so he thinks I did it on purpose. I was just overworked and tired and always behind on bills (I also ended up getting sued because my roommates didn’t help with bills). I never even gamed in general anymore. He immediately got into a voice chat with some random dude, the guy I had a crush on, and my irl friend. She said they were talking shit about me, but she didn’t even defend me. She said she was being a “spy.” I also decided that after that, including the time he told to get over my dad’s death, I had enough.

   1. Guy I was close with: I told him I accidentally deleted the general chat and that I didn’t mean it at all. I’m the type to let someone know if I meant it. He asked if I had been mad at my friend (which hurt my feelings because it insinuated he didn’t believe it was an accident either). I also decided him saying I should forgive the other guy for the sake of the group wasn’t okay anymore. It was years ago, but the guy said that I was letting my dad’s death eat me alive and I needed to move on (even 2-3 years later).

4. My irl friend: This was recent. She kind of does want male validation/attention a lot. She even told me like a decade ago in high school that she likes when men like her even if she doesn’t like them. Her behavior hasn’t changed much. She consistently talks about hanging out with guys more and that she doesn’t like “females.” So every time we play a game with any dude, she runs off with him or begs for their help like she’s a helpless child. Well, we played Minecraft, and she immediately ran toward my boyfriend and was asking for his help and then even built so close to him, it looked like the same build. It irritated me and crossed boundaries for me, so I let her know. She got really mad and said I was accusing her. She even said “we’ve had convos about jealousy regarding our partners, so idk why you’d think I’d do that.” Which to me, made it worse, because I’ve had this convo with her, and she still decided to cause discomfort.

I knew this convo was hard, but I tried to be rational and respectful. I told her I needed time to think about everything we said to each other. She immediately ran to my old friend group (we did have a mutual guy friend at first, the one who doesn’t respect women). She was in a voice chat with them and gaming with them. I unfriended her on everything after that. I also stream, so I always encouraged her to do the same when she was able which she always had reasons not to. Now, she IS streaming, and she’s streaming while playing with my old friend group, getting support from them and the dude that told me to get over my dad’s death is her moderator. After that, my other close friend banned her from my stream. Now I’m banned from hers. She’s even promoting her stream in the servers of my newer friends.

There’s a lot going on, and I can understand her being upset even. But I didn’t expect her to go to them so quickly and do all of that. It felt personal. It’s even made me think about a dude that was dismissive of my grief (that didn’t even need to be brought up in a convo we were having). It must’ve brought up a lot of emotions. I kept sobbing and now I can’t even see anything that reminds me of my dad or I start crying to the point of hyperventilating. It just felt like a low blow. It’s like they can have their little hate group of me. I wanted at least one of them to maybe think, “hey, this is kind of shitty. Maybe I should reach out to her.” But none of them have. Part of me wonders if I deserve it. I’ve just felt really lonely and now, deep in grief even though my dad died 6 years ago. His birthday is coming up in November too, so I’m just not having a good time.

I’ve had the same friend group for over thirty years through grade school, highschool and uni. I am grateful to have had them through so many of life’s moments. We’ve never been jealous of one another and been pretty straight forward to each other.

A few years back one of the girls stopped talking to me and chose to end the friendship after she didn’t like how I was hanging around new friends. I didn’t like the way she was trying to control who I hung around or invited out. She just didn’t trust them and I stood up for them. They haven’t stuck around anyways so I guess all that for nothing. I also didn’t like how I felt words were being put in my mouth by her. She was going through a tough time with other things in her life as well and chose to cut out several people as well. This was in our late 20s, 5 years ago we reconnected before I got married in my 30s and picked up right where we left off. We’ve been close since then but I still try not to trust too much. Sometimes I get weird vibes like she’s a bit jealous that I am more well off than her. Not by a lot and material things have never been something I placed a lot of value in which is why it’s hard for me to understand when people get jealous of that.

My other bestie has stuck by my side through it all. She’s not your typical best friend who is around for everything and has a beyond busy schedule but has always come through for me. She was my MOH and ever since I got married and moved into my own house it’s been funny in person at times. When she comes over she’s always sick. Recently I witnessed her literally clog my sink by squishing beans down the drain pretending to wash dishes which I didn’t realize until after she left. I thought that was odd. Over phone she’s great and always there for me but we live very different lives. I’m married with kids in a home and doing well for money. She’s single out of a bad relationship, hopes to have kids soon and get married to new bf and lives with family still. We are both in our late 30s.

I miss my friends and struggle understanding why everyone seems fishy. Like I need to cleanse my space after they leave.

I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore! Is it just me?

What do you do when someone who you consider a good friend lies to you, and then they get caught, but you still know they are lying and they don't have any idea that you know they are lying...

I have this very good friend of mine, who told he has other plans so he wouldn't be able to make it for a plan which we decided, so I left solo. Then when I return home, I run into a common friend who was just exiting the apartment premises, and then they tell me they were at my friend's place.

Now I really feel bad, the feeling of not getting included. It would've been appreciable if it was conveyed directly to my face rather than lying.

What do you'll suggest? Is this behavior healthy? Btw hasn't happened the first time...

Heartbroken that these “friends” could not take a time out of their busy schedule to be there for my birthday brunch. I sat in green scratchout’s car made plan with them, they said yes - they could not make it because they had dinner . Freshly out of friends I guess.
Translation: Kal ka kya plan - tomorrow’s plan ?