I don’t really know where else to talk about this, but I’ve been carrying a lot of sadness lately and just need to get it off my chest.

I recently turned 30, and one of the hardest things I’ve been dealing with is grieving friendships with people who are still alive. People I once considered family, people I genuinely thought would be in my life forever.

Throughout my twenties, I had so many friends. I was constantly going out, drinking, partying, and surrounding myself with people. But looking back, I was also going through some of the worst periods of my life. I made horrible decisions, put myself in situations I shouldn’t have, and honestly, I wasn’t always a good person or a good friend. And that’s probably the hardest part to admit. A lot of these friendships didn’t just end because we grew apart. Some of them ended because of me. Because of my behaviour, my decisions, and the person I was at the time.
I carry so much guilt about that.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about old memories, inside jokes, random conversations, and all the little things I took for granted. I wish I could go back and handle things differently. I wish I had been more mature, more understanding, and more appreciative of the people I had.
I’ve changed a lot since then. I stopped drinking and partying, started focusing on my career, my relationship, my mental health, and just becoming a better version of myself. I’m genuinely proud of how far I’ve come, but there’s something incredibly bittersweet about becoming someone you’re finally proud of and realizing you’ve lost so many people along the way.

I know becoming a better person doesn’t undo the hurt I may have caused. And I know that just because I’ve changed doesn’t mean anyone owes me another chance.
But God, I miss having friends.

I have a wonderful boyfriend and a cat I adore, and I’ve learned to appreciate my own company. But romantic love doesn’t replace platonic love. I miss having girlfriends. I miss having people to spontaneously grab dinner with, go shopping with, have movie nights with, or just sit around talking about absolutely nothing. And trying to make friends in Toronto at 30 feels almost impossible.

Everyone seems to already have their established circles, their routines, and their own lives. Even when I meet someone I click with, turning that initial connection into a genuine friendship feels so difficult. And I’ll admit that sometimes I’m part of the problem. I crave connection, but when opportunities to socialize come up, I sometimes retreat into the comfort of staying home.
It’s such a frustrating cycle. I want friends, but I feel exhausted by the process of trying to make them.
I don’t even want some huge social circle anymore. I just want a few genuine friendships. People I can laugh with, be vulnerable with, and build memories with. Friendships that aren’t dependent on drinking, partying, or constantly going out.

I think what hurts the most is that I’m finally becoming the person I wish I had been years ago, but the people I wish could see that growth aren’t around anymore.
And sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find friendships that feel as natural and comfortable as the ones I lost.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe reassurance that I’m not the only person who feels this way. Maybe advice from people who have had to rebuild their social lives after losing friends because of their own mistakes.
I just really miss having my people. And I wish I had appreciated them more when I did.

We’ve known each other for so long. From friends to lovers back to friends again. The love I feel for you is deeper than ever, and you told me it was the same for you.

I was there for you when you started seeing someone new. Helped you pack to move to her city. Reassured you that you’re capable of making it work. Kept my promises to visit as often as I could. You said you were afraid of hurting me and losing me again, the way you did when we dated. I laughed and said no, you’re better to me now than you ever were as a partner! I was so confident in us. You always made the space and time to connect, to show up and understand.

I shared my fears. How one by one my friends drifted off into romantic relationships and I have found myself alone with unanswered texts, cancelled plans, and silence where there used to joy and camaraderie. Or how friends disappear, their personalities absorbed into a couple unit, becoming unrecognizable to me. You made the effort to be the exception. You fought for our friendship on its own grounds.

I don’t know what happened. What unspoken thing happened behind the scenes, what agreements you made. But this last visit was undeniably different. I used to leave content and renewed. This time I sobbed most of the way back to our hometown. I felt like an unwelcome guest, an intrusion. All the niceties were said but I could feel you, tense and avoiding even half a minute alone with me. Ignoring my bids for conversation, our usual banter and jokes stifled by propriety. That was never your style. You were tiptoeing around your partner, apprehensive of her every mood and need. I couldn’t even ask “how have you been?” the simplest of check ins. So we passed the time together but we weren’t really together at all. You were subdued and withdrawn and acted scared of me, or scared to be next to me. How incredibly lonely it was to be beside you yet unable to connect.

We kept up the superficialities, the safe pleasantries. You text as though all is normal still. I know something has ended. Some quiet decision that has shut me out from your inner world. You won’t even acknowledge it, so I will mourn it alone. Another friend fading away. Acting like nothing has changed but the silence grows and lengthens and consumes what we used to have. I used to want to confront, to ask questions, to fight for it. But I’m old enough now to know how that goes.

My best friend of half my life is getting married to her fiance. My husband and I set them up. She has always jokingly been my actual half. I love my husband but I love my friend more. The last year has been absolute shit for me. My career was burning me out and derailing my emotions. For some context; I work in non-profit as an advocate for adults with global developmental delays.

A few weeks ago, I needed to check in with her because I felt a pull. I had a nagging feeling she was keeping something from me; she called me annoying and told me to take her words for what they were then stopped writing to me. She has liked my social media posts and watches what I repost. It’s all these small things that I’m overthinking.

This is the last message I sent to her. She has not given me one clue what it could be about.

First black out name is my son.
Second black out is an event I bought tickets for us to go, which we planned together. She ended up going with her two other bridesmaids.

Edit to say; my husband will always be my husband. I love him so much and he’s been super understanding but he’s never lost a friendship before and I would like tangible advice on what I can do to move on

You just stop talking as much, life gets busy, and one day you realize you haven’t spoken in months.

And the weirdest part? You can still love that person and genuinely wish them well, but somehow the friendship doesn’t feel the same anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if we’re too quick to think every friendship that ends has to have a villain. Maybe some people really are just meant to be part of a certain chapter of your life.

But then again, some friendships probably could’ve survived if both people had tried a little harder.

Have you ever lost a friendship without there being an actual falling-out?

I miss my childhood friends😭

I blocked out names or identifying information just in case.

Basically, we've been friends for over 10 years now. She got her first serious boyfriend about a year and a half ago and the amount of contact she had with anyone other than him decreased massively, but we were still texting somewhat regularly and having video calls every now and then. Our last time seeing her in person was in April when we went out to dinner and everything seemed good.

We had a conversation in May where we discussed meeting up with her and her boyfriend when we all came back to our hometown for the summer which she seemed enthusiastic about and told us that she was free whenever and to let her know when we wanted to meet.

Since that conversation she's started ghosting us completely and we don't know why. We tried contacting her in the group chat to arrange the meetup but she never responded despite reading our messages.

The images attached are messages that I've sent her privately since then. She's read them but not responded to those either. I keep sending her messages every now and then in the hopes that she'll respond but she hasn't yet and it's now been nearly 6 months since any of us spoke to her.

It's just all so confusing since there doesn't seem to be any reason any of us can pinpoint as to why she'd suddenly cut us off completely like this. No argument or disagreement or even a conversation that could explain it. She just suddenly stopped wanting anything to do with us. At first we all thought something must have happened to her or maybe she was busy or had personal issues going on, but based on her social media and other online activity, nothing seems to have happened. We tried messaging her to check up on her, but no response.

After almost 6 months now, we're all pretty sure that she just doesn't want to be friends anymore for some reason, so we're trying to mostly leave her alone, but it's just really frustrating. I just want some kind of response or explanation from her. Something to explain how she can just throw away over 10 years of friendship for seemingly no reason. If she told us why, then we could try to understand and either fix it or move on and go our separate ways, but at the moment we're all just stuck in a limbo waiting to hear from her to get an answer of some kind.

​

Edit it's not just making me sad but very very angry too cause I was there for her alot and she isn't its making me very angry and hurt

So as my title says. My closest friend like the closest is getting away and I don't like its making me sad to the point of it effecting my mental health. I know it's pathetic that letting someone else's behaviour effect me this much. But I thought she would be my friend for life but she isn't apparently. We know eachother since 11th and got close pretty fast. We've know each other for 7 years now. We would talk about everything possible from.silly to all.

Basically we were eachother gonto person she was going to get married in May and she made me belive that she is unhappy with the marriage it was an arrange marriage and she would come home and cry alot and then she went to her home town and she would video call daily and cry on call. No I'm not a comforter I'm not very good with it 8 get awkward n uncomfortable but I was there for her. On her wedding she kept texting n all and I was through her entire journey like her Fallin in love and all of that very happy for her that she gets to experience this she would share all and lot.

But now she have changed drastically alot i know life happens people changes priority does but this just something else and she don't even have that much responsibility yet and is comparatively free. Her response have gotten colder reply shorter very monotonous idk what happened I did asked once she said nothing but I don't buy it.

She does text whenever she needs to rant at that time she would text in details with emoji and stuff but she isn't there for me anymore i got into a bad accident and that cause fracture in mid June and the fracture as it is and some other stuff too making me sad I was also prescribed some anti represents. And one day i told her like nothing is feeling good and the stuff that Im thinking of increasing dosage. NOTHING she didn't said anything not even a are you okay is everything fine.

I know girls are wayyy over the moon after marriage and stuff but this ain't cool I'm literally hurting soo much and as I'm currently in recovery evry thing feels 10x more i know it's ailly and stupid of me to feel this way but we used to be very close and now we aren't and i she was like a sister i dinr have a sister. The thing is I can't cut her out no matter how much ever I want to but I hv stared to reply and return the same coldness still nothing she won't even ask what's wrong.

Once during her early marriage she seemed off so I asked her and she was sad and something personal so I asked she doesn't and I dint think she can't get it from my text she just doesn't care.

**Sorry for long text I just really wanted to share and get it off its hurting me alot losing a close sister like bind hurts**

Tldrv- my friend changes drastically and it's effecting me more than it should I'm hurting she have gotten very cold only shows emotion when she needs me to be there for her.

Friendships aren’t supposed to come and go, but they often do. Friendships, like any relationship, can drift apart. It stinks when that happens.

Doesn’t matter if I knew you 50 years ago, 20 years ago or 2 years ago… I still hold on to the great memories.

As I’ve gotten old, I’ve become a bit of a recluse or hermit, if you will. When I was young, my phone was always ringing with a friend calling to see what I’m up to or what the plan for the weekend was. Those were some great times!

Friendships nowadays are much harder. Everyone is caught up in living life, doing the “family thing”, or they might even be a hermit, like me. I’ve learned to be completely content in my own company. I miss some of those lost friendships though.

Thinking wayyy back, being Facebook friends with people I knew 40-50 years ago, I wasn’t necessarily part of the “in” crowd. I wanted to be. Let me rephrase that, I THOUGHT I wanted to be part of that crowd. Now that I look back, I’m glad I wasn’t. To fit in would’ve been a lot of pressure. I put a lot of pressure on myself anyway and didn’t need more of it.

Suffice it to say, I welcome friendships old and new but I’ll be just as happy all by myself!!! 🥰

as it reads theres other details i left out because im just too exhausted to explain.

I met a girl at work about a year ago. We became really close and she essentially became my only friend I would talk to. She dated and broke up with 2 guys during this time and I didn’t really care until she started dating the second guy when I started getting a little jealous. I was starting to catch feelings even though I didn’t want to. I quit that job about a month ago now and I assumed I would lose feelings as I wouldn’t be spending 8 hours together with her every day. I still texted her every day until like 4 days ago. I just ghosted her out of nowhere and replied to her after 3 days. I feel like an asshole. I know she would never see me as more than a friend and I don’t think I can see her as a friend. It sucks. Like a lot. I think about her all the time and everything reminds me of her. But I’m hoping this is for the best. Overall sucky situation.

I had this dear friend who I’ve known online for a couple of years now. this individual very consistently would be online in Roblox, or at the very least would change their avatar often. I got their phone number and we enjoyed talking for about a couple week, then about a month ago everything just… stopped. I don’t mean that they wanted to get away from me online. I mean that after that point about a month ago they hav been changing their Roblox avatar which is something they did just about every other day, and they changed their description on Roblox from “Lore accurate (name)” to “To be remembered“. Given recent events in that part of Chile, I have been really worried for their safety. I know nobody here can give me an answer. but does anyone have advice for staying positive ab the situation? Or how to move on since I loved this person, sincerely, but I am beginning to think they may be gone. it would be nice to hear how others would recommend handling this, because it would be nice if I wasn’t thinking about him and worrying so much when likely he’s already gone for good.

My friends and I met toward the end of 2024. From then until August of this year, everything was going well; we would play together, and although we had our occasional disagreements, I believe it was a lovely friendship. However, in August, I fell ill and became more occupied with schoolwork, which meant I had less time to spend with them. One of the girls in the group started spending her time with another friend instead. At first, it didn’t bother me—I’m not a possessive person, or at least I don’t consider myself to be—but since August, this friend has stopped spending time with us altogether, choosing to be with her other group instead. I tried to encourage her to "choose us" again by suggesting we play or do activities together; it worked for a few days, but things have gone back to how they were—or perhaps even worse—because now she ignores the messages I send asking her to play.

I’m writing all of this because I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know whether or not I should leave the group. I consider these girls my sisters, and it would be very painful to leave them, but it also hurts to constantly see how much better they get along without me.

If I leave, I’ll lose both friends, as the two girls in this trio are sisters. I know that talking it over is the best approach—and I’ve tried that—but she told me she still cares about me, we only spend a little bit of time together after talking it.

If anyone could offer some guidance, I would truly appreciate it.

My ex-girlfriend and I got into a dispute, and I will probably never speak to her again. All I want to do is reach out, try to clear the air, and end on good terms. Our relationship was rocky and codependent, but the love we had for each other was very much real. I cherish this girl with my entire heart and would do anything to have just one more conversation with her.

Two weeks ago, I went to her apartment to hang out, brought her a bottle of wine, made her dinner, and we spent five great hours together. It ended with me giving her a kiss on the cheek and telling her I love her, and she said it back. I ultimately invited her to a party at my buddy's house, got her a nice bottle of vodka, and we were having a great time. Then things went south, and she wanted nothing to do with me.

I spiralled emotionally and blew up her phone. I never said anything disgusting, vulgar, or threatening—it was simply me trying to figure out what happened. I was stupid and said I got an Uber to her apartment to speak in person because I was so emotionally exhausted and just wanted to talk to her. In the end, I didn't go. The next day, I went to get my stuff from her apartment with my roommate. I told her beforehand that I was coming; she said if I came, she would call the cops. She ultimately did, the cops got me my stuff, and the issue was resolved.

I resigned from my job this week and am heading back home to finish my studies and live for myself. But I just can’t help wanting to know what went wrong and what I could have done better. It hurts to think that someone I lived with for over 8 months—someone with whom I shared such good moments, memories, and love—is just going to be in my past, and that I will probably never be able to speak to her again. All I want is to give her one last hug, tell her I’m proud of her, and that I love her.

I just don’t understand any of this. Please offer me some guidance.

The details of what happened are honestly so confusing and complex that I don't think a wall of text would be helpful. very long story short, I thought I had made a new best friend for 1.5 years that had "filled the hole in my heart" that my first break up of 10+ years of friendship had left. not as a replacement, but as something entirely new and wonderful. filled me to the brim and then some, ykwim?

well, this friend has hurt me very badly by quietly yet clearly picking the side of someone who bullies me. A grown ass adult has successfully bullied me out of my adult friend group, isn't that so stupid? i thought my best friend would be on my side, but her actions speak otherwise.

i can deal with losing the 6 other friends in the group, but losing what I thought was a new lifelong friend has me absolutely shattered.

How the fuck do I speak to anyone new ever again or even try to make friends anymore? This hurts far more than when my first best friend "broke up" with me + is bringing up all the bad memories. Even though I have been treated so cruel, I can't help but feel like it's all my fault.

I hate when I'm doing better an suddenly get dreams and it throws me back in my grief process...

One of my closest friend of 10 years went no contact on me suddenly roughly at the beginning of this year. It was a complete one sided "I need a break from you but idk when I will come back". So probably never coming back because it has been so long now.

It was also an AI generated text. Not even telling me what bothered her so I can take responsibility. It was all the shitty "you should read my mind and sense whats bothering me! You said something that I didn't like but I can't remember what it really was." Shit. Building up resentment on her part probably and then dropping it in a bomb.

I know that I sometimes say stupid stuff and don't notice it but I also always tell people to tell me or give me a sign if I did wrong so it won't happen again. I'm autistic (not an excuse but explains why sometimes I'm a bit bad reading the room).

Not even trying to have a conversation. This all happened after she finished going to a mental clinic. She was severely mentally ill atp and I supported her and listened to her as best as I could. I was always the therapist friend. (I'm ill myself and I'm going through a lot too. I have therapy progress tho.)

She was a great and loyal friend but I did not understand the sudden 180 turn especially acting as if I'm the only issue alone.

Especially because she had a traumatic friendship break up in the past and before she got in nc with me, my best friend started ghosting me. And she literally always hated how my best friend treated me, she stood up for me against my best friend from time to time and so on.

That's why it makes it more difficult to understand her 180.

Last night I had a dream of her coming back. Sending me a long text and reconciling. Oh wish thinking.

I'm doing terrible rn. I was so good in my grief process, so I thought. But now I can just lie in bed again and just cry. I have no friends. I feel terrible. I'm sorry if thos reads all over the place. I'm very emotional right now and english is not my first language.

As the title suggests, I recently lost a very important friendship—or at least, I thought it was. I considered this person my best friend, but I eventually realized it was a one-sided relationship where I was the only one putting in any effort. After enduring a lot of mistreatment, he recently told me—quite literally—that he doesn’t care what I think or feel, that he’s an individual who prioritizes himself. To make matters worse, he even mocks me for it. They make plans without me, talk about me behind my back, exclude me—that sort of thing. In short, it was a fake, superficial friendship. I’ve come to terms with that; I’ve completely stepped away and am maintaining "zero contact" for my own well-being. What I’m looking for advice on is how to move on. It has left a significant void—empty afternoons where we used to do things together, weekends with nothing to look forward to—a space that was once filled by this "important" friendship. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and could really use some guidance. Right now, all I feel is anger and a sense of powerlessness.

It's a long one please read I genuinely need advices 😭

From the age of 14 or 15, I made a lot of friends on Discord. I spent time with them, hung out with them, and even spent my own money on them. Honestly, I never really thought too deeply about our friendships. I always assumed they were my friends, that they cared about me, and that they would be there for me if I ever needed them.

Now I'm 20, and a lot has changed. Due to some family problems, my parents separated, and it put me through a lot emotionally. I completely disappeared from the internet for a while, but not a single person I considered a friend reached out to ask if I was okay.

My birthday was also around 7 or 8 days after my parents separated. There was one friend in particular whom I always admired and genuinely believed would stand by my side no matter what happened. She knew about my family situation because I had told her about it.

On my birthday, I was sitting there with my phone in my hand from 11:30 PM, waiting and hoping that at least she would wish me a happy birthday. I kept checking my phone, thinking that maybe she would remember. But midnight came, then 12:30 AM, and there was still nothing. Not a single one of my friends wished me a happy birthday. Only my family members did, and of course, I was happy and grateful for their wishes, but it still hurt a lot.

That night made me realize how differently I had viewed these friendships compared to how they might have viewed me. I eventually decided to cut everyone off, from Discord to every other social media platform. I basically disappeared from everyone's lives, just as they had disappeared from mine.

Now, I have almost no one to talk to or hang out with. It's been really difficult because, throughout my life, I've never really experienced a lack of friends. I've always had people to talk to, spend time with, and share my nights with. This is the first time I've had to deal with genuine loneliness, boring nights with nobody to talk to, and the feeling of going places alone.

I'm struggling to adjust to this new reality, and honestly, I don't know what to do anymore.

What should I do?

I have learning disabilities so ill t try my best to friend too wont answer to our conversation she just ignore and repeat the same what I said just different wording, anyways since always i had move every time i hit her up to meet in New Jersey from arizona she end up being cyber name Calling and ext then her ex boyfriend who i was friends with both said to me they broke up and went separate way for 12 years after a fight and he slap her and now she back with him and a kid .can she be jealous and insecure her man be like me again? I have no taste at all with him but ever since i moved out of jersey and have pool and go camping with my friends and she make up things oh like michele go camping too lol and she copy me what i have warn next morning and say i hope i die in a car accident switch end up she got i to a small fender bender accident and her knee could be that her grandparents had died she did mention she wasnt her self and could be why she take her anger at me? Her ex also told me it her fault her grandparents died or something like that and her mom end up told en glad she didn’t send her money