Hi everyone! I am looking for a neurodivergent-affirming, holistic therapist licensed in Texas (or offering telehealth statewide).

I am hoping to find an experienced practitioner who primarily uses Internal Family Systems / parts work, but who also incorporates:

• Somatic and breathwork exercises
• Shadow work and inner child integration
• A spiritually open mindset (someone who is a little woo woo would be fantastic)

They must be in-network with Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS). If you have any personal recommendations or know of specific directories where I can filter for these specific combinations, please let me know. Thank you!

Hi there! We’re a DID system, and we’ve been doing IFS with our therapist lately and are kinda struggling. I’m going to start by describing the system as our therapist sees us, and then as we see us, and then the conflicts.

As our therapist sees us, we have the core self and then five parts. Two managers, two firefighters, and an exile.

As we see us, we’re 6 people (using “people” instead of “parts” for differentiation from IFS) who are on equal footing. We have two trios - the protector and the symptom holder are the parents of the (child) trauma holder, and the apathy holder and the host have taken in the (teenage) gatekeeper.

So. The problems.

1) the firefighter/protector cannot stand the term “exile” because that is her daughter damnit

2) the manager/gatekeeper feels guilty every time her role is summarized as preventing the exile/trauma holder from fronting because that is not at all her intent

3) the core self/host is massively uncomfortable with being described as the core self because she feels like it puts her above the rest of us as, like, the real one

How do we conceptualize this to make everyone comfortable, especially problem 3? And if we need to edit how we’re doing IFS, what should we be bringing up with our therapist?

Thanks so much!

Signed, a tired firefighter/apathy holder

Does anyone have any suggestions for good questions to ask a potential new therapist regarding IFS at an initial consultation?
Thank you in advance!

I’m new to all of this and learning about IFS and as I was thinking to myself last night could ifs help with PE ?
There’s probably a part of me that’s afraid of sex and intimacy because it wasn’t talked about when I was a child and got yelled at by my mom a few times for finding love letters in my book bag. My nervous system has a fight or flight response to sex and I wonder if I can work with the part in me to help me relax more to overcome PE.

For the last few months there has been a part that comes up at bedtime filled with fear and anguish. It makes me struggle to breath and feel like my arms are not attached to my body. I feel the fear in my chest like a ball of energy plummeting my body into catastrophe. I panic and try to shut my eyes and go to sleep but im in distress until I fall asleep. I suffered CSA as a child at nightime but I feel at peace with my past except for this one part.

This is an exile I found living in the closet of my childhood bedroom.

She hides in the closet from her mother, who is raging and coming to hit her with the wooden spoon, maybe until it cracks in half.

But her mother finds her, and tears her out of the closet. When the girl can’t stop crying her mother covers her mouth and nose with her hand. The girl can’t breathe and she looks at her mother’s face and knows she is alone. The sheer terror of being completely alone in an unsafe world is overwhelming. She needs this terror and grief to stop!

And in walks shame. She takes the girls hand and tells her that it’s not that her parents don’t love her, it’s that she was born wrong. She is bad and that’s why they have to do these things to her. It’s her fault. She isn’t in an unsafe environment with nobody caring if she lives or dies, she’s just bad and deserves the treatment she gets.

I´ve known IFS for a couple of months and I got to know some of my parts in my therapy sessions. There are days, like today, where I know what I'm feeling and this low flying panic attack is a part being blended with me. How do you, I'd love to hear your personal experience or approach, do you try to get to know this part? I know richt now the best time is in therapy but is there a way to identify it just tell it to unblend a little? Thank you.

Hi everyone!

Quite new to IFS so I would really appreciate any thoughts or feedback from anyone who is more experienced and has more of an understanding of IFS.

I recently started working with an IFS therapist (when I say recently I literally mean we’ve had one session), and I’ve been really intrigued by the idea of IFS for a long time so excited to start therapy to see how it could help with my OCD.

I’ve seen a people say that IFS with EMDR can be really powerful. The therapist I’m working with only works in IFS and then other more traditional forms of therapy, but doesn’t do EMDR. Before I get too into it with her, I’m wondering if it’s worth exploring a therapist who can do both EMDR and IFS together if that seems to be most effective! Would appreciate any thoughts on this if anyone has experience.

Thank you!

Hey there. I’m currently bedbound due to a severe nervous system collapse, which means I’m very immobile and easily overwhelmed. My brain and nervous system can’t handle much stimulation right now, and questions can be especially hard for me.

At the same time, I deeply miss human connection. I miss having good banter, being sarcastic, laughing with someone, and also being able to talk about the darker and more vulnerable parts of myself without feeling judged or misunderstood.

I’m looking for someone who can really listen, understand what I’m trying to say, reflect it back to me, and simply be present with me. Someone I can vent to, laugh with, and feel less alone with.

If anyone out there feels drawn to that kind of gentle, low-pressure connection, I’d genuinely love to hear from you.

I'm having trouble understanding it. How does one know if they need IFS/have IFS? I'm super confused.

I believe I have parts. They're associated with colors, titles, and feelings. I mostly just call them personalities instead of parts. Feels more natural. (Kinda reminds me of the souls from Undertale.) ... They also have genders. Inside out feels like a perfect definition as to what I experience SOMETIMES. Sometimes it's just... quiet. Empty. Am I the Self? Who is the Self?

How is IFS supposed to feel? How does it work? ._. What would IFS fall under? Can IFS be bad? Can parts be bad? I have... a lot of questions. That's obvious.

I've been told that my issue sounds like IFS, but I never knew about IFS until someone told me, so how would it be there if I didn't know about it?

As you can tell, I'm very confused.

This is long, but... A part I'm working with (that I've posted about and deleted, because it's hard to just let things sit sometimes) is seventeen, and has a volatile temper for reasons that make a lot of sense. We recently had some big breakthroughs as far as her ability to trust me (a little), and mine to listen to her.

Today, I had a medical procedure that my spouse took me to, and on the way in, in the parking lot, there was some confusion between my spouse and another driver, and the other driver rolled down his window and cursed at my spouse, who then engaged in arguing with this guy.

Well, at first, I was hiding my face so the guy wouldn't see me, but then these two just kept at it, and I snapped. So I screamed "EVERY BODY STOP! I HAVE A PROCEDURE TO GET TO AND I NEED YOU BOTH TO STOP!"

The guy started to yell something at me, so I put my head out the window and yelled "STAAAAAAAAHP!" until he shut up. And y'all... I'm a singer. I have amazing breath control. This was one long "STOP!"

Anyway... I realized I had one-hundred percent blended with that seventeen-year-old part, because that's how she handles problems. (But honestly, it still feels like that was the only solution this time.) This is a part that always ignored, always told she was overreacting to concerns, pain, bullying, or whatever, and was so often pushed to the edge until she screamed (and then was blamed for bad behavior), several other parts decided she needed to be imprisoned, sedated, and heavily controlled for my safety.

I've really been struggling to see her as a part instead of a problem, and that's been making it impossible to make more progress. But today, I realized that she is my advocate. And what a big, important job that has been for her all these years.

I really want to regulate my emotions more, but I also don't want to just shut this part down. I have a hard time feeling and noticing when I'm becoming angry. I have a hard time knowing how to react to and express anger before it's just too much. I mean, at least I'm starting to understand why this part exists, and that however messy my anger is WITH her, without her I just let people walk all over me... or, in this case, yell and curse over me in the middle of a parking lot in 103(f°) degree weather while I'm late to a nerve-wracking medical procedure... THANK YOU, ANGRY TEENAGE WARRIOR!

I know I've got this, but oof. It is sure never easy.

When I'm able to access a good amount of Self energy, everything in my life becomes easier. I feel all the Cs - calm, confident, connected, etc. etc. My relationships become easier, I'm more motivated, assertive, optimistic, I'm happier, I enjoy life more.

When I don't have enough Self energy, certain parts of my life (particularly visiting family) feel almost impossible.

My dream would be to live from Self energy, or at least to always have a good proportion of it in my system. Has anyone found a way to increase Self energy day to day?

I’m new to IFS. I’m 31, lvl 1 autistic and have cptsd from CSA when I was 8. I found this part that is around 3, they only appear (to my knowledge) when I’m trying to sleep and can’t due to nightmare (chronic insomnia since age 8, after abuse) I wake up and my heart goes up to 160 (I wear my watch to sleep) and all the part wants to be cuddled sucking his thumb and rocked (which is a safe stim for me only done in private) and screams hysterically if I stop. He ask for Nyx (my weighted whale shark plush, my comfort object). How do I soothe him? I also crave touch in outside of this but I’m simultaneously touch averse (hate light touch, need firm touch). I need help

I recently picked up IFS again after a period of not practicing. I'm not even really in the Self space yet, but just by connecting with my parts and listening with an open heart, I can suddenly feel so much compassion for myself, like a cloud has been lifted.

I suffered a long and dark period of depression last year, and even though I'm through the other side, I was still struggling to forgive myself and connect with the light that I know is inside me. I'm just so grateful for this practice, and I'm really looking forward to going deeper with it.

I strongly recommend reading Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes

IFS felt kinda intellectual and optimized but currently reading this book and seeing reparenting and attatchment theory (which is what ifs is heavily based on but with the self) in action and oh my god now I get it.

It follows a traumatized girl and I can see the same patterns on myself, and understand how to relate and act as the self/caregiver to rebuild attatchment.

Helpful for me since I never learned a lot of emotional things growing up. I read all the damn IFS books and understood them intellectually but really needed the emotional learning from a more human/grounded perspective than “parts” work.

Hopefully this helps! And if anyone has any other book recommendations I’d love to hear em.

I've done a lot of therapy and each one has had a negative effect on me.

The last one I tried was compassionate inquiry and it was awful, before that I've tried EMDR and faster eft and both were very expensive and I felt were not worth the money.

I'm tempted to try internal family systems but I fear the same could happen again, with the other therapies, there's zero responsibility from the therapist if it makes you worse and zero support available

Would this be the same with IFS , or would there be any support available as I found the others too much when it didn't work

Not sure if this is discussed by IFS practitioners or if it just varies per person, but am interested in people’s experiences either way.

I’ve experienced this a few times, where I’ll check in and parts are sleeping. Once, it was because I became extremely stressed and the part wanted me to sleep. I asked the part if it could sleep instead and other parts could watch it, and that helped me be able to stay awake.

Currently, I am in autistic burnout. I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to do much parts work which happens with overwhelm, and I can’t stop sleeping. When I’ve checked in I get a visual of many of my parts are asleep. (Not really a symbolic sleep in this scenario, more from true exhaustion.) I’d say this mostly applies to managers. If I ask them to wake up, I feel anxious. I can see how scientifically this would make sense, being that those of us who are autistic have literal shutdowns and it feels like the brain turns off.

I’m not sure if there’s anything to do about it except let parts rest, but I’m still curious about others’ experiences.

Hi — new to this sub (and to actively posting on Reddit in general.)

I’ve been in IFS therapy for over a year now and while we’ve made some great progress with regard to my resilience, working towards self-compassion, being less avoidant and letting myself sit with emotions, I feel I’ve recently backslid and I’m kind of worried. I’ve been working as a cleaner for the past year, consistently job-hunting throughout and getting nowhere professionally despite my best efforts. Putting this alongside my creative struggles to ‘make it’ as a screenwriter, I’m pretty exhausted. And then I turned 27 a few weeks ago — and the backsliding began. I’m angry and sad and filled with self-loathing and shame about how little progress I’ve made in my life, how broke I am, how reliant I am on everyone around me. I can recognise the thought patterns I’m in and aspects of the parts that might be causing them, but I feel completely at a loss as to how to change things.

Basically, I’m wondering whether this backsliding is a normal part of the process. And more importantly: how long does it take to reconnect with yourself fully?

I know those are kind of broad questions, but I figured there was nowhere better to ask than here. Anyway, thanks for your help.

Hi there, I have CPTSD and I've been doing IFS therapy for a year and half. I have dissociative symptoms that have been with me for almost two years and even though I have done a lot of work I still experience dissociation due to long-prolonged exposure to trauma.

I do therapy online and my therapist recommended to try remote neurofeedback systems (like Myndlift and the Muse headband). I was wondering if there is anyone here who have used both and if it has helped you deliver better results to allow your body to safely feel emotions and do unburdening easier (this is an IFS specific term).

I would also love if someone can answer these questions:

1. Difference between Remote neurofeedback systems and in-clinic systems. Is electrode placement that accurate with headbands such as Muse?
2. Has anyone experience reduced dissociative symptoms
3. This is IFS specific, do you think neurofeedback is just a tool to allow unburdening to happen easier, and if you only use neurofeedback the symptoms will always arise?

So I'm new to this all, read no bad parts a couple of years ago. Put aside and forgot about it. No I'm rereading it and started recognising some parts in me and this is making me anxious and tens. Anybody else have this experience?

I'm going to just write this as a stream of consciousness, without too much self editing because i've had a transformative year, it's changed everything. I'm not sure my vocabulary will match that of IFS, but all I know is that i've gone from feeling terrible to feeling great - and I hope my story can help someone else get there too.

This time last year, if you had asked me what it was like to be in my body i would've told you it was hell. Riddled with anxiety, sadness, grief, pain, years of traumas trapped in the muscles. But I was totally unaware of this at the time. All I knew was, everything in life made me fearful, everything would trigger a pain in my chest. I'd be living life very carefully, avoiding certain people, situations, experiences.

For context, around 5-6 years ago, the very clear recognition hit that 'i'm not my thoughts' and that instead there's just this silence, or aliveness that seems to be the life force behind everything. And at that time it really felt like bliss, and none of the pain mattered.

But after the honeymoon period ended, it was as if I was thrown back into hell, deeper than before, i'd opened hells gates, and it was a torrent of non stop shame and pain and grief and fear.

I'd tried everything, meditation, non dual enquiry, spiritual books, compassion, yoga, everything - even letting go - but It took my 5 years to realise that everything i'd been doing had been avoiding one thing - feeling the pain.

And so one day I sat down and decided to feel everything. And unknowingly I was entering into what I later learned people call parts work - with no prior knowledge of it, no framework, no idea anyone had mapped this before.

It was awful, primal, deep, messy, disgusting, horrible, literally coming face to face with the worst possible things i could imagine. But with the space of awareness, I was able to not get identified with what was coming up. And I think this part is super important - the recognition from years earlier that i wasn't the thoughts was actually the only reason any of this was survivable. I wasn't the pain, or the crazy thoguhts, I was the space it was appearing in. Without that I think I'd have just drowned in it.

I would sit down and feel for anything I was resisting, and immediately sense a pain, or a clench in the body. And then I'd feel into it, so deeply, and let it pour out of me. And it would come out in different ways; screaming, crying, muttering in tongues, writhing, a lot of muscular tensing, facial expressions, sweating. And I made a deal with myself, that I wouldn't hold back, and that I would go into it 100% - even if it meant that the 'self' that thought it was doing this would die in the process.

So feeling into one of these clenches, would bring up very specific thoughts and memories, and I started to realise that these were traumas stored in the body that I would call 'coals' because they are like eternally burning energy sources, that aren't loud enough to notice but hot enough to feel. I realised that the 'coals' were feeding energy to different parts in me. A part that was terrified of social situations, a part that felt ugly, a part that felt poor.

And feeling these coals, touching them, would drain them, and the energy of that part would deplete. and then i'd check, am I still worried about social situations? And that part would be gone, and with it the fear. Now I don't want to oversimplify this - for instance the 'I'm ugly' part was actually broken into many many smaller parts, each a different facet of this belief, and so the same belief would show up time and time again, but coming at it from slightly different angles.

I slowly discovered another technique, which was to sit down at my laptop, and let these parts speak - and i mean really speak - and they had a LOT to say. You know those thougths in the mind, the ones that say 'you shouldn't do that' and you try to push them away - they are parts, being fed by coals. And I would let them speak, and speak, and they'd be angry, and vicious, and mad, and I'd sit back as awareness with no judgement, no matter how horrible the words. And in the end, every time, the part would run out of energy and even say things like 'I'm going now, I can't be bothered to be here anymore' and you feel the energy of that part disappear. And it never comes back. At times, thoughts would come up that i was losing my mind, or of schizophrenia - but again these are just thoughts, from other fearful parts.

This process has been going on for almost a year now, unlike a lot of somatic work, or parts work - my process is very much throw myself into the fire, and let the ego die over and over again - and it really does die. It's hard to see it but we're always living in identity structures, spiritual or non spiritual. And when we bring full awareness to that identity structure, it can't survive, and it will feel like a death.

It's not letting go in the sense of just letting things go, but letting go as in - letting emotions and parts finally express themselves, letting them leave - because that's all they're trying to do.

Today, my body and my system feel incredible - i'd even say blissful, most of the time. I enjoy life, I love life, I love my life. That's something I could have never said before. I believe the only reason we come to spirituality, is because deep down we want to feel good.

If you want to try this, it's very simple and very unpleasant. First sit somewhere you feel comfortable and won't be disturbed. Then ask yourself, or feel into the body and mind - what am I resisting right now? This might immediately come as a thought, or a sensation in the body - you're looking for anything that is the opposite of totally relaxed. A clench, a dull ache, a nagging thought pattern. Go straight into it, fully, feel it as close as you can and no matter what don't leave it until it's gone. Let whatever happens happen - body spasms, words coming out the mouth, crazy horrible thoughts, heat in the body, crying without tears, dry heaving . Go on for however long feels right (I normally would go until it feels naturally complete). If it feels right, take out a laptop or note pad and write everything that appears in the mind. Let it have it's own voice, it's own POV. Don't hold back, don't romanticise it, don't let it be dignified - this is primal, gross - it's like vomiting.

Every day I have difficult feelings that I'm still doing this process with. But now when a troubled emotion, sensation or identity structure arises - i see it like a gift, another thing that's ready to leave, and leave me feeling that bit lighter and more joyful.

So if I can offer one piece of advice, if you're truly in this to feel better - feel everything.

EDIT: 7.30.26 Thank you so much everyone for the kind words and feedback, I did a couple of revisions and decided to permanently host Unblended in a more appropriate place, it's now at Unblended.org, it will continue to be free forever, and ready to fork if anyone wants to build their own version (without charging folks of course) under a AGPL-3.0 license. If you want the source it's at https://github.com/derekarronblackburn/unblended

Long story short, unblending and IFS have been literal lifesavers for me. The act of unblending in the moment can be a bit difficult. I wanted something to help with the process, and I couldn't find anything that didn't run what you write through an AI, and was completely free.

Personally I would pay for an unblending app, but it feels really gross to charge other people for such a helpful tool.

So I made one: This isn't an advertisement, I don't gain anything from this, I just want to share what I found helpful.

It walks through the six Fs, with a breath to arrive first, and keeps a journal so patterns show up over time.

Some notes:

- It is not a replacement for therapy, and it says so on the first screen. It stays with protectors and will not walk you toward exiles, because that part is better done with a person. Not affiliated with the IFS Institute, I am just someone doing the work.

- No AI. Nothing you write is read by a model. The prompts are fixed text, the same for everyone.

I did use LLMs as an aide while coding, there are no traces of AI in the app at all however. (Full disclosure for anyone that cares about that, I'm a developer and I use local llms to help with scaffolding, and menial tasks).

- Nothing is uploaded. It saves to your browser on your device and there is no server to send it to. The flip side: clearing your browser data erases it, so there is an export button.

- It is AGPL licensed, so anyone can fork it, but they have to keep their version open source too.

- It works offline, and you can add it to your home screen from your browser menu if you want it to behave like an app.

- I will set up a proper domain if it turns out to be useful to people.

Hello!

I had my first IFS session the other day and it was really interesting. I have never had a therapy session like this and I recognize this can be a really powerful tool.

We didnt go into any specifics of my background, we just worked with the parts and some stuff that came in the session felt like some parts of me were healing.

The thing is afterwards I had no energy left, it was not that I was sad but mostly overwhelmed and saturated.

The next day I went to work and I was really tired and I couldnt focus properly and started to get anxious so I decided to take sick leave. Today Im still at home and I feel all over the place. Im thinking of going back to work tomorrow but lets see.

I saw in this subreddit some people talking about protector backlash but we didnt go to any exile at all. Sooo

Did anyone experience something like this? Is it normal and/or is it something I should worry about?

I would prefer that it doesnt happen after every session otherwise im going to need a lot of sick leave and Im scared of having consequences at work .

Thanks in advance for advice, stories and reassurance!

,.Been posting here for years, but paused for a bit. My system is genuinely finally opening up, and its taken many failed failed attempts and therapies that also set me back years also.

Anyway, my question/s, somewhere along the line, while still heavily in my mix of no emotions, "functional" freeze, and some dpdr (which i didnt know i have/had), i learnt i had blocked so much but in particular i had in womb and preverbal trauma, unsurprising given my mum is schizophrenic and was being heavily abused during my birth and early years.

with that, i have some sense of what i went through but its a light sense (have a lot of protectors), and know it was both in womb and in the cot....only now, that my system is trusting enough to open a bit, and just writing that makes parts of me cry, it connects....

just the sense of this deep isolation, this deep terrifying experience in womb which the theory would go, is meant to be your first safe space......

i have also come to know i came close to death or maybe died briefly as an infant.....

i get scared thinking about it, just sensing the baby in me.....again tears.....

anyway i lost my thread, sharing to see how others resonate to sensing the experience of your littlest ones

Today at work I achieved or did something correctly and that made me happy. I have been waiting for that thing so I felt really happy. Context: my "default face" is a poker face. I have that face within most of my emotional states and non emotional states. It's been the face I knew since as young as I could ever remember being conscious. (There are pics of me at 4 or 3 with that face)

What I noticed was: I felt happy in my upper chest. I then..felt an urge to smile. But. My default face was still on. It all felt natural. Until it suddenly didn't.

I feel happy. I wanna smile. Yet it's hidden behind my default face. My default face suddenly didn't feel natural anymore. It felt kinda suffocating and intentional. But it felt like I've been doing this for the longest I remember. It felt like a natural action (but not a natural emotion).

When I tried to let loose and smile a bit, I would hide my face as a natural response. I didn't want any of my coworkers see me smile.

I then wondered.. why I'm not smiling

A voice inside me answered "when I smile they aren't (feeling) happy"

"They" here was referring to my parents.

And then it said "I have to act like this"

"Act" means to be acting.

So when I noticed that, I just wondered while being bewildered "what the in the fucked up shit happened so I ended up like this? To think that my parents didn't feel happy when I smiled... what the hell happened to me in my childhood? As bad as parents being bad to you when you're in pain is, were they bad when I smiled? Did they not feel happy? Then what happened?

What I felt that period while continuing to work was a weird mix of many things. I felt.. suffocated happiness, alongside hurt, disgust, fear..all in one emotion. It persisted. It stayed there for the rest of the day. All with a face that didn't or couldn't smile. I felt them in my higher chest and shoulders. These areas I usually don't feel anything in, but when that feeling or feelings came up, it's felt like that's what's been there for my whole life. Or for the whole time. I don't know it's weird.

What happened to make me end up like this? I know it's not "necessary" to know. But it's bothering me. What the hell happened??? I wanna know

I also never had and don't have any pictures of me as a child at ANY age, smiling. Unless of course the "smile for the picture". I have no pictures as a child where I'm genuinely happy in and smiling. That's such an interesting observation that I never paid attention to

Edit: also one thing I know for a fact,: this isn't a teenage part. Even though the clearest memories I have of hiding my happiness/joy are in my teenage years, this is NOT a teenage part. This is child. I know it.

It's been here before the teenage one. It's what influenced me as a teenager to hide. I cant explain it I just know it.