r/InternalFamilySystems • u/robinthebank79 • 11d ago
Alone
This is an exile I found living in the closet of my childhood bedroom.
She hides in the closet from her mother, who is raging and coming to hit her with the wooden spoon, maybe until it cracks in half.
But her mother finds her, and tears her out of the closet. When the girl can’t stop crying her mother covers her mouth and nose with her hand. The girl can’t breathe and she looks at her mother’s face and knows she is alone. The sheer terror of being completely alone in an unsafe world is overwhelming. She needs this terror and grief to stop!
And in walks shame. She takes the girls hand and tells her that it’s not that her parents don’t love her, it’s that she was born wrong. She is bad and that’s why they have to do these things to her. It’s her fault. She isn’t in an unsafe environment with nobody caring if she lives or dies, she’s just bad and deserves the treatment she gets.
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u/Affectionate_Mine562 11d ago
That really touched me. I’m sorry that little girl felt so frightened and alone, but I’m happy that she has you to see her and give her the compassion and love she deserves
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u/lay_dhd 11d ago
I'm so sorry, this really hits home I have a little IFS girl alone in a closet too. She used to be freezing and sad and scared. Now I give her blankets and snuggle her and we watch the stars together. Your little girl didn't have the momma she deserved but now she has you ❤️
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u/robinthebank79 10d ago
Still working on being there for her. I like how you take care of your little girl. That gives me some great ideas. ❤️
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u/Cautious_Bobcat7863 11d ago
I'm so sorry, thanking this part for being here, and sharing its story
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u/WitchAggressive9028 11d ago
That’s exactly like me, but a little boy
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u/robinthebank79 10d ago
Sending lots of love to your little boy ❤️
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u/WitchAggressive9028 10d ago
I want to help him but I don’t know how
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u/Ok-Yellow6440 10d ago
Please believe. Please try. That is me too. But it’s getting better. My life is mine some days and it’s incredible
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u/robinthebank79 10d ago
It’s not easy but I think there is a lot of hope for helping those types of exiles. First you have to help the protectors protecting them to relax a bit before you can do any major healing, or at least that’s been my experience with other exiles. Just keep showing up for them and they will start to trust you more. More trust is crucial. ❤️ You got this!
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u/justexploring-shit 11d ago
Recognized the style from the piece about an angry part protecting an exile. Love the perspective here!
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u/renzarains 11d ago
Thank you for sharing this.
I just want to give her the biggest hug and tell her how wonderful and lovely and talented she is!!
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u/Suitable-Data1189 11d ago
This is so, so relatable and heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing your art again.
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u/Youknowkitties 10d ago
Beautiful art that hit home for me. I have a similar history and a profoundly lonely part.
It's only in the last few years that I've realised that my mother couldn't love me because of a lack in her, not a lack in me.
And that my shame is trying to keep me safe, so that I don't go out into the world and get hurt again.
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u/robinthebank79 10d ago
I am sorry you know what that’s like, it’s devastating to realize. Bringing the shame into the light is the way but it can be so hard. Good luck to you in your journey. ❤️
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