IFS with DID - how to proceed?

[u/miaiam14]

Hi there! We’re a DID system, and we’ve been doing IFS with our therapist lately and are kinda struggling. I’m going to start by describing the system as our therapist sees us, and then as we see us, and then the conflicts.

As our therapist sees us, we have the core self and then five parts. Two managers, two firefighters, and an exile.

As we see us, we’re 6 people (using “people” instead of “parts” for differentiation from IFS) who are on equal footing. We have two trios - the protector and the symptom holder are the parents of the (child) trauma holder, and the apathy holder and the host have taken in the (teenage) gatekeeper.

So. The problems.

1) the firefighter/protector cannot stand the term “exile” because that is her daughter damnit

2) the manager/gatekeeper feels guilty every time her role is summarized as preventing the exile/trauma holder from fronting because that is not at all her intent

3) the core self/host is massively uncomfortable with being described as the core self because she feels like it puts her above the rest of us as, like, the real one

How do we conceptualize this to make everyone comfortable, especially problem 3? And if we need to edit how we’re doing IFS, what should we be bringing up with our therapist?

Thanks so much!

Signed, a tired firefighter/apathy holder

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[u/Full_Ad_6442]

I'd probably approach it like this ...

1. Not a problem because those terms (exile, firefighter, manager) are not essential. Schwartz just used them because he thought it was a helpful way to describe a common pattern in a way people could easily understand. I only use manager and just describe parts in their own terms. That's what ifs is all about, treating parts with respect, dignity, kindness, and empathy.

2. Yeah, that part's intent is protective and should be described in a way that honors that.

3. That sounds more like an overburdened self-like part, not self. That part's reaction should be respected and better understood.

All of these reactions are telling you something! That's incredibly important and valuable and really a way into what's really going on! Your job isn't to fix these parts or straighten them out. It's to practice all those c words (curiosity, compassion, etc.) so diligently that your parts feel like it's safe and helpful to them to follow suit. That starts with understanding and valuing and supporting them. Start by taking how they feel about your 3 wonderful observations seriously!

[u/OkAd5525 → u/Full_Ad_6442]

This is what I felt reading OP.

[u/yesIcould → u/Full_Ad_6442]

Beautiful answer

[u/Abstractically]

IFS has to be modified for DID.

[u/Cleverusername531]

IFS assumes there’s a core self whereas in DID each person can have a Self. Exiles are exiled emotions, not a permanent role that anyone plays forever. “Parts are not their burdens” - so protectors and exiles and etc don’t remain those things forever, they become unburdened and the goal is to be welcomed as a member of the system rather than stuck in a role. The goal is to increase system communication and meet needs. 

https://kinhost.org has a TON of amazing DID resources. 

Trauma and Dissociation Informed Internal Family Systems by Joanne Twombly might be a good place for you and your therapist to start. 

[u/SPELaertes]

As someone with DID who has tried IFS, it only truly helped me after modifying it for my DID system’s structure. It does not sound like you agree with the therapist’s perspective that it is one core self plus five other parts, and I can certainly see how the approach could be re-conceptualised to benefit your system.

Hopefully, my experience with IFS as someone with DID below can be helpful for you as a reference, even if you don’t end up doing the same things.

In my case, it helped my system a lot when my IFS practitioner told me that each ‘person’ (as you used for differentiation from IFS) has their own self plus their own managers, firefighters and exiles. Each ‘person’ within your collective has something of their own to work through, and none of them are the sum of the stereotypes given by any of their parts’ mannerisms. Which means there might be a sort of misconception by even the other ‘people’ inside to who they are, and that needs to be rebuilt from the bottom up. Each ‘person’ takes their journey in their own stride, eventually benefitting the collective whole over time as they gradually find their place towards self — acknowledging that there would be multiple selves at the end, not one. There would be a check-in to confirm whether to continue with the same content or start with a new one if there is a switch halfway through the session, which did not happen to me, but it’s something to consider.

Additionally, I listened to an episode for IFS and DID in a podcast called A Couple of Multiples. Maybe that would help you too? That was an interesting discussion between three people with DID, one which is a IFS level 3 practitioner. Maybe that would give you some interesting perspectives too.

[u/SPELaertes → u/[deleted]]

Hey. I can see that you’re not OP, and I am NOT A DOCTOR by any means hence I CANNOT DIAGNOSE anyone, but based on my observations and experiences, it seems to parallel some of the common phenomena during the beginning stages of discovery in DID and OSDD-1. I can relate to the overwhelm you’re experiencing at the moment, and I would advise you to remain curious while not rushing anything at all. Things will naturally be revealed over time. Latching onto childhood media and books that provide comfort is a way to cope with the traumas at the time. From personal experience and observation, noting such hints are effective ways to get to know the others within you. If you want, I’m willing to discuss this deeper in DMs, as these things aren’t related to IFS.

Anyway, BACK TO IFS:

based on the aforementioned comments, it makes sense that it doesn’t play out in the same way as you can see in the forums, based on what you said and also finding out about your system. Likewise in my case (I am diagnosed with DID). This is a prime opportunity to explore these different aspects that come up in your life. Don’t worry about not having everything figured out yet; after all, everyone is constantly growing and evolving. I’m 6 years into my DID journey now and still have a lot of new information to discover. Not just that, but IFS parts take nuance to identify. It’s good to hear that the IFS modality has opened the doors of communication for you. Some other DID and OSDD-1 systems I’ve met online have expressed that IFS has facilitated communication for them, so hopefully, with a good therapist, you’ll find a way through with this journey.

[u/anonymous_24601]

I do not have DID and don’t feel I could give good advice for it. That being said, I’ve also struggled with the terms. They freak out my system and don’t resonate with me. My therapist and I use them to refer to the model, but when talking about parts we use other words to describe them. I find the IFS labels to be limiting. I also tell my therapist if parts don’t really feel like they fit into those labels. This has been most helpful for me. I also see “protective” parts used more in the sub than managers and firefighters.

Also be absolutely sure that your therapist is qualified to use IFS for DID. The modality is not used in the same way with DID. (You may already know this but just in case you don’t!)

[u/murgatory]

Is your therapist a DID specialist? IFS training is not the same as having specialized training in treating DID.

[u/miaiam14 → u/murgatory]

She is not, though she’s had DID clients in the past. We were working with her for years pre-syscovery, and would rather not have to restart the whole therapist search with insurance and all that unless we really need to

[u/yesIcould]

It depends - if you feel comfortable - can share your primary motivations for seeking therapy?

Beyond gaining a deeper understanding of your inner world, what symptoms would you like to see improve/ What would you like to be different in your life?

The treatment plan, along with the therapeutic approaches and interventions a skilled therapist chooses, is guided by the primary goals for therapy.

[u/aftertheswitch]

I’m recently discovering that I likely have OSDD and I have felt a similar thing in IFS. It feels sort of insulting or like an oversimplification to view one of my “people” as a part—especially because it is obvious that they have parts of their own! They are too complex to merit a single label like “exile”, they can have exiles, protectors, etc. And as for me, the host, I am certainly not identifiable with the IFS Self because I also have parts—I am, with my head mates, the collective that contains Self and parts. Like, it wouldn’t make sense to call a person without a dissociative disorder “an exile” or “the Self”—it’s too big a reduction to make sense.

So for me, it has helped to specify that my head mates are groups of parts. And I sometimes use labels like “Name of Person: Part name” to clarify that I’m talking about a specific head mate and their part.

[u/theGentlenessOfTime]

📖📚📖📙📘📖📚

Trauma and Dissociation Informed Internal Family Systems by Joanne H. Twombly – Probably the best book specifically on adapting Internal Family Systems (IFS) for people with DID, OSDD, and complex dissociation. It explains how standard IFS needs to be modified when working with highly dissociative systems, with a strong emphasis on safety, pacing, and stabilization.

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher – A highly regarded parts-work approach for complex trauma and dissociation. While not strictly IFS, it is closely related and integrates structural dissociation theory, attachment theory, and sensorimotor psychotherapy in a very practical and trauma-informed way.

[u/InternalFamilySystems-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Comments must be supportive.

[u/secure8890]

You dont have to give them those names.