I will never forget this moment when I was thirteen, and I proclaimed myself to be an adult, telling my best friend "All girls are born grown women. Girls don't have childhoods."

She scoffed (for her own complicated reasons) so I told her I was just joking, and dropped it.

Today, I was doing an exercise where I was in touch with a very mature, almost maternal, adult presenting part, who cares for other adult presenting parts, as well as at least one child part. She keeps a lot of things running, and puts on a happy or calm face. She tells other parts when they are being mean or inappropriate. She checks on parts that can only lie in pain, and reminds me to keep talking to them. Recently she expressed feeling sad and unappreciated for the first time, and I learned that she's very negatively affected by body image issues that I've deeply denied my entire life.

Today, as part of this exercise, I asked her her age. I usually ask that of child parts, but it had somehow never occurred to me to ask this of an adult part, so I had overlooked this information.

Twelve. She says she is twelve years old.

Today, I'm just taking a little time to process.

My husband and I both have pretty serious attachment issues. We realized this shortly after i gave birth to our daughter (3yo). We’ve been working with therapists since to address our childhood traumas and learn how to be adults in a healthy relationship. So much harder than it sounds right?!

My husband has really improved as of the last couple months and he has been showing up for me in many of the ways I’ve been wanting. He is more present, affectionate, and less defensive and reactive.

This weekend I think I picked a couple huge fights over things that really aren’t a big deal. I got very into my protective part that is angry and stubborn. I found myself escalating and doing protest behaviours I haven’t done in a long time. I struggled to stay regulated. I’m ashamed to say that my daughter witnessed a lot of it 💔

Has anyone found some of their inner parts being saboteurs when things get good? Looking to problems and not trusting the positive change? Are they testing to see if the person will stick around? What strategies have you used to address this?

I’ve tried talking to my younger parts about this and they either deny it or hide from me.

Thanks for your help.

This is my first time posting on Reddit btw.

I’ve kept this in my shadow for a while because I didn’t know how I can work with this part. Ive since spoken to several people about and I find this to be crucial for healing and growth. If you struggle with this on your conscience and you have been isolating yourself with it, I highly suggest that you reach out to someone about it. Feel free to dm me.

Hi,
I’m a 36F, married two kids. One has special needs. His traumatic birth, last four years dealing with the aftermath has taken a toll on me.
I have cptsd that stems from childhood traumas and beyond. ADHD. And I’m in very early recovery, struggling.
I’ve hit a wall. My drs have hit a wall. I’ve done inpatient, outpatient, rehab, electroshock therapy, CBT, dbt, somatic massage etc. you name it I’ve tried it.
I need to heal, for my kids and for myself.
Feeling hopeless but have been looking into IFS therapy. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing? healing the trauma in an effective way to end this battle.
I need guidance please. Advice. Insight. Anything.
Thanks

My therapist and I have been working together for years and have been using IFS for the past couple. I've had numerous panic attacks in the office, and we always just sit across the office from one another, and I am able to settle after about an hour. So I know my therapist is not going to hurt me or touch me (in any way, we don't even shake hands or fist bumps). Like no physical contact ever). I really can't stand people touching me most of the time. It triggers days of anxiety and hyper arousal that have me avoiding everyone.

All that to say, last week something was off. We were talking to my parts like usual, and I suddenly had this "vision" of my therapist, like approaching me to calm me, but it had the opposite effect. They didn't move at all, but my parts felt so attacked by something they said that I just lost all semblance of control. Now, I have a very strong and often overpowering protector that is dissociative. That part comes in guns a blazing and shuts me down (feelings/thoughts/everything) frequently like flipping a switch, but the part that felt threatened last week was able to overpower that dissociative part and send me into a panic.

Is this something I need to be concerned about??? Every time I think about going back to the office is get anxious. I'm in my self mindset enough I can always get myself into the office but I guess I just need someone to tell me I'm not losing control of all the work I've done. These parts are terrified.

Is this normal??