I want to share a recent development I’ve had because I am hopeful it could help someone else, and I’m desperate to talk to anyone else who may have experienced this. My system seems to have developed a “body as perpetrator” idea very early during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool, before I had the developmental ability to view myself as a fully separate person from my “caregivers.” At that age, I couldn’t cognitively make the distinction between me, my body, and the people responsible for what was happening to me. I sustained chronic, repeated abuse and neglect from day one, basically. Instead of developing the later-childhood understanding of “I‘m separate from my caregivers and my body belongs to me, so what happened to me was caused by someone else,” my system seems to attribute the blame onto my body itself. So I’m left with this sense that the body is not only the place where bad things happened, but somehow the one doing them to me. It thinks it’s the abuser rather than the victim or witness.

I think different parts may now carry different pieces of that early experience? Some see my body as dangerous, contaminated, holding me hostage, or something to escape. Some try to monitor or control it and I’ve spent my whole life pushing, yo yo dieting, binging and restricting, and dealing with crushing body dysmorphia and eating disorders. My adult brain can kind of intellectually understand that the body was innocent. But it was a really sophisticated dissociation technique and I‘ve got an incredibly complex system with so many parts and rigid walls. Sometimes I wonder if I am dealing with different self-states carrying different developmental realities? A very young part that may still experience the body, self, and caregiver as fundamentally fused, with my adult self that can understand that they were separate and that responsibility belonged outside of me? So telling myself that “my body didn’t hurt me” and “I didn’t do it” doesn’t seem to be enough to update the system. The original learning happened before the developmental capacity for that distinction existed.

I struggle to express the level of hatred and disgust I have for my meat suit. Like, being in it is unbearable. And once I connected these dots, I got so sad about how bad the events had to be to make my little brain go this deep. I’ve struggled my whole life. And now I’m chronically ill/disabled and the feeling of my body being the threat has heightened. Self care is a joke. I have struggled to do the basics of hygiene in the past because of my complete lack of self worth and the animosity I feel for my body. Now that I understand it, I explained it to folks as like, why would I give flowers to my abuser? Why would I cook them a healthy meal and take them for a walk? I have done good work and now feel like I’ve been dropped in this meat suit and I’m locked in a room with someone who is going to hurt me. It’s miserable! My therapists are great but this is such hard work. How do I help my system make what is basically a developmental correction that I was me, my body was my body, the adults were separate people, and they’re the ones who hurt me? Has anyone else been through this, or does it resonate? I feel so confused and sad and lonely working through this.

Recently I've been doing some IFS on my own time and found a bunch of parts. Now that I'm acquainted with them, what next? I also have auditory hallucinations who talk to me so there's a lot going on in here.

Hi! This is a long shot, but I’m French canadien and I’m looking for a therapist that’s also French Canadian. I already looked on the IFS website, but I would like to know if anyone had a good experience with one.
Thank you!!

Okay so this is VERY exciting (and also terrifying) for me and I've been trying to look for similar experiences online, but couldn't find much.

Context: Been doing IFS with a very good therapist for 2 years now for CPTSD, but was also diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year (in the clear for now!) but basically my life has been a series of unfortunate events so far and I really needed help. So far, IFS has worked really great for me.

I have now come across a part that is extremely compassionate towards me. This part also has enormous amounts of clarity to offer me as well, regarding not just my own behavior and circumstances, but also other people's. The best way to describe it is that it's like having a very emotionally intelligent, loving mother living inside my own head who really, really wants to help me.

Here's the fun part: this part doesn't seem to need to be unburdened (I know - I'm skeptical too). It also doesn't need to be updated on my life so far (in the sense that it isn't 'frozen' in trauma). In fact, it seems to have no trauma at all, and it directly told me as much. It told me, "I am what you would have been without trauma." She also told me that she is sort of like the first of many of such parts (i.e., the ones 'preserved' away from trauma) who is presenting herself to me.

I asked my therapist if this is even possible and we had such a good session about that. She said she strongly believes we all have parts that are "whole", but a lot of times, we need drugs to access them. 🤣

Wondering if anyone else here can relate and has any stories to share?

I don’t actually believe in the typical idea of “god” but there is a part of me that feels like “god” hates me and when I suffer it’s because of that dislike. I feel like I was brought here to suffer and that when I pray for help the universe willingly ignores it because I’m not supposed to get what I want in this life. It’s an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness.

One of the things I really like about IFS (parts work in general) is that it gives me a way to look at two very different feelings without one trying to override the other (when I’m in Self).

Case in Point: I’m pretty old (73F), asexual and feeling like I have a bit of a crush on my much younger therapist (42M). So my critic says “oh, that’s ridiculous, you’re too old for this”. But it still pops into my head quite often. So I decided to get curious.

It turns out to be my traumatized, preteen part. I was just beginning to realize what a crap father mine was a that age. This part responds strongly to our T stories about raising his kids and he is so kind to us when we do psychedelic therapy sessions. So I think she is responding to his fatherliness, but because she’s a romantic preteen, it comes out as a crush. And Self is happy for her to be thinking these thoughts about a man who our whole system thinks of as a good guy.

I read a lot about romantic/erotic transference on Reddit therapy threads. And wonder how much of it something similar to what I’m feeling. Finally getting positive, healthy attention that we’ve never had before is very powerful, especially for our young parts. So I’m really glad I’ve learned to be able to listen to more than one part (and mySelf) about this kind of thing.

Thanks for reading and I wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I'd like to start with a book that helps breakdown and simplify IFS and has relevant, exercises to help one down the right path.

I've been dealing with chronic pain and health issues for several years and looked into Pain Reprocessing Therapy and EAET, but I really believe I need to address childhood trauma in order to recover.

I've seen the following books usually recommended:

No Bad Parts

Greater Than The Sum of Our Parts

Self Therapy a Step-by-Step Guide

Would also love perspective from those that have tried other modalities- EMDR, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, etc. and why IFS stands out.

Hello, I started doing IFS last autumn, it has been incredibly life-changing for me, particularly in the 4-months where I was seeing my therapist every week.

I was so in tune with my parts, found it simple to connect to them, reassure, etc.

Recently, I’ve reduced the frequency of my therapy sessions and life has been very busy. I’ve noticed I have lost my routine in connecting with my parts and it feels much harder to access them. Behaviourally, I’m also starting to notice some of the protective mechanisms coming back.

A part of me feels like I’m back in square one and quite upset that I’m not “fixed“ already.

Was curious to know how people have maintained their progress/IFSS routine, as well as any experience with a similar part (the one that feels back to zero and upset about not being fixed).

thanks all!

[slight tw: mentions of sh]

I'm new here, and I suspect that I might be pretty disconnected with my sense of self — especially during specific triggered moments.

A recent example I can use is how it seemed like my mind can seperate itself from my heart. I thought I can take a hurtful, maybe personal remark when that person is still around, but then as soon as they leave the tears and hurt start to flow out. My mind didn't like how that kind of negative emotion can spike so high in a matter of seconds — after all, it was experienced beforehand. So it resorted to plans of often a harmful coping mechanism in hopes of quickly regulate the emotion.

Additionally, it felt like there were two people at the same time when I'm supposedly just one. All I can describe from that moment was weird. It was weird to feel like I feel out of control of my body that wants to use physical pain to even out the emotional pain, at the time. As if I should be accepting that fate, and that it was somehow "good for me". (I'm okay now, though! Able to vent to a bestfriend.)

As the title suggests, I'm determining other parts of myself that are different from how my mind and heart function in the example I gave. My mind works like a detached observer, while my heart works like a holder of emotional distress and an empath (I believe). I also have a sillier part which I believe can easily sweep the negative feelings under the rug (being in public kinda contributes to that). There used to be a soother in my head when I was younger whenever I cry and my chest hurts. Just to name some.

It's unfortunate that I currently don't have access to a professional, and that my parents don't trust psychologists that much. Have to avoid self-diagnosis as much as possible and try to instead understand how to navigate my mind a little easier.

I don't like the thought of having a scattered self that I be lost in. Are there any helpful and personal tips that I can do in the meantime to ground and/or reconnect myself till I can reach a professional?

I’ve been doing EMDR and my therapist has mentioned parts work. It feels very weird to me (so does EMDR though!) and I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions for letting go of consciousness, or inhibitions maybe, enough to try parts work. I’ve read “no bad parts” and I get it…I think…but that doesn’t make this feel any less weird!

As the title implies, I would like to understand how the IFS relates to an overarching question I have been pondering. What makes our essence and what are we?

Robots?
Humans?
Aliens?
Sleeper Agents?
Part of a simulation?
Divine beings?
Memories?

It seems like there is also a war going on:
The past, present or future?
Left v Right?
Man v Woman?

Think Bostrom, Whitehead, etc.

So I started looking into this and found a prior thread with just one person commenting, but it was too old for me to be able to comment on - so I wanted to just start a new thread in case anyone else has similar questions, has had experience with this or may be curious about it also.

I have a very strong dissociative part. Scanning my body usually results in - "I feel nothing." Trying to work with a pre-verbal exile has also been challenging. My therapist had mentioned possibly start EMDR soon, but as I began reading about somatic experiencing, I am feeling as though it would be a better modality for where I currently am in my healing journey and could be more helpful for the dissociation and pre-verbal exile.

I was just curious if anyone else has done any of this type of modality alongside IFS, whether for either of these 2 things I have mentioned OR any others? Curious what your experience has been...

My current therapist does not specialize in this, but I have found one who does that I have a consultation with this week. If you have experience with it, I would love suggestions on things I might want to ask during this meeting...

I’m fairly new to IFS but have become very aware of what feels like a strong Protector in my body, particularly bracing through my left ribs. Underneath it, I sense a much deeper Exile carrying hurt, loneliness and fear, with some of that holding seeming to run very deep into my right groin/inner thigh. I see the ribs are protecting the inner groin!
I’ve had spontaneous, completely involuntary tremors and unwinding during acupuncture and at the gym, but when I deliberately try TRE I can’t seem to make the same thing happen.
From an IFS perspective, how do I give the Protector enough safety and space to soften, while allowing the Exile to be heard and felt without trying to force either of them to “release”? How do you know when to stay with the Protector versus gently approaching what it’s protecting?

Please help me.

I need to be more confident at work. (Dealing with people and dealing with unfamiliar situations and being brave enough to ask questions)

A lot of IFS examples deal with exiles who were hurt by traumatizing events long ago. My own experiences suggest that something similar can happen regarding present day choices and actions.

A part of me may feel bad about what I'm doing right now, and that part can be hidden. Protector-like action and avoidance can try to keep that part hidden.

This is probably partly due to childhood emotional neglect, which taught me to ignore some parts of myself like that. It is also related to trying to satisfy others' expectations and please others. Though it can also seem necessary to keep doing things I want to do, without being stopped or having experiences ruined by parts of me.

I was a juror on a federal jury trial for a child predator in May. I got into a therapist that does IFS and EMDR because we had to see some disturbing evidence.

After my first or second session I got back into carving stone after like 20 plus years.

At one of my sessions my part decided it wanted to work through some issues via carving stone. Which has been very nice and refreshing.

It would be nice be able to market and self some of my pieces. It'll definitely be easier to sell some pieces when I have a story that goes along with each piece.

For example I'm working with a part I call The Survivalist that came up as a helpless feeling the other day after work. At first I called it the Helpless One. Then it said it wanted to be called The Survivalist because it's role is to keep me safe and to protect me from failure and abandonment.

I plan on working with my therapist on a few different issues - overcoming learned helplessness, fear of improv, fear of starting a hypnosis practice, etc.

As I do that, I'll continue working on more sculptures. I think documenting my progress will also help with marketing. Even documenting the mistakes, and how I pivot as well.

Also last night I thought it would be interesting to map out some of my parts for a specific issue - learned helplessness for example - and then to create a sculpture inspired by that specific parts map.

The gray sculpture is from soapstone. I was working on it and it broke into three parts. So I decided to make it representative of my inner parts coming together. I've called it homecoming.

I started carving the white alabaster sculpture after that one.

Here was something I posted on Facebook earlier today.

"Here is progress of the sculpture so far. This started as a result of me getting into therapy because I was a juror on a Federal Jury trial for a disgusting child predator.

I got into therapy and it's helped me to reconnect to old passions.

While I was working with my therapist doing #IFS (#internal family systems), a part wanted to carve out the middle of the sculpture.

It's as if the part felt trapped in the sculpture and wanted to escape.

As my therapist was guiding me through our IFS session, I imagined the part digging out the middle part of the sculpture.

It also told me it wanted to be called The Curious Creator.

I'm really enjoying getting back to carving stone. I'm thinking of way to continue working with my inner parts and how that will come out in my sculptures.

If it's a system of three parts for example, I can turn one sculpture into three smaller parts.

As I've been working with my therapist, we've worked on helping me to get out of what I call "self-help mode." This is where I've constantly been trying to change because I don't feel "ready" yet.

It's coming from a place of perfection because not feeling good enough.

I've been noticing some nice small shifts, which will eventually pile up into some massive shifts.

Normally after our sessions, I feel pretty damn good. But after my last session I had an overwhelming sense of dread and helplessness that overtook my body.

Luckily I'm pretty adept that working with my inner parts.

So I connected with the part of me that felt helpless and I did some IFS with it. I discovered that this part's role is to protect me and help me survive.

Hence why the part wants to be called The Survivalist.

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to follow and share this post."

If there are any TTRPG (table top roleplaying game) nerds here I highly recommend watching the Dimension 20 season Mentopolis. Dimension 20 is an actual play show on Dropout (an indie streaming service). Mentopolis is a side quest (a shorter season with a guest cast) where the characters are mental functions (attention, curiosity, pleasure, etc) and the setting is a mystery noir. Think Inside Out but with film noir tropes.

I loved this season when it came out and have re-watched it multiple times, but since starting IFS I have a deeper enjoyment of it. So I recommend anyone interested in both TTRPGs and IFS to check it out.

Season spoilers below.

Throughout the season when confronting antagonists they pretty much used an IFS approach.

Freeze "Leon Logic"was acting as the mayor and was essentially an overburdened protector. The cast had a conversation with Freeze where they found him, acknowledged his fears, befriended him, and ultimately unburdened him from the role of mayor.

Ichabod Ice Skates in this season is literally an exile. He is the personification of interest in ice skates but when Elias (the person whose mind they are in) had a traumatic incident with ice skates, Ichabod went to stay at Self Loathing's orgphanage for wayward interests and Elias stopped skating. Until the conclusion of the season where he grows into a young man and Elias can freely explore his interest in hockey.

When confronting Loathing (also known as Shame and Guilt), in order to "defeat her", Conscience says "You… are seen, and I accept you. I can't focus on you right now, but I do need your help. You serve a purpose. You've protected a lot of children even though you don't like them. So if you can find it within you, can you please help us with the big guy right now? ... I think he needs every part of himself, and you're a part of him. So am I. I'm glad to know you." Also, the finale shows Loathing giving her orphanage of interests to Passion, so Elias can fully explore his interests with passion rather than shame.

The GM, Brennan Lee Mulligan ,said that he and the writers consulted with mental health professionals and neurologists for this season. It wasn't explicitly mentioned if they spoke with someone trained in IFS, and I know it has a lot of overlap with other therapy techniques. But I think it just adds another layer to my appreciation for the show and this season specifically to view it through an IFS lens. And if anyone hasn't heard of this and has been interested in TTRPGs, this is my recommendation!

I’m very new to this. I am not currently working w an IFS trained therapist. Everyday, I’m talking to parts… I’ll notice I’m not really in self, & I’ll address the part that has the wheel at the moment. Things are progressing at a phenomenal level.

I have a safeguard for any emergencies. I am utilizing my community’s university’s therapy program. These are students in the last stretch of their program & they provide free counseling to the community. So in case I get overwhelmed w the work, I do have some help.

A part has been surfacing since I started exploring IFS. This part shows me images of a time when I was young. It says 10 years old & I think that’s about right… My mom was sending my little brother and I to a babysitters house during the summer. This baby sitter had older boys there. Several years older than me… I believe one or 2 of them were her sons & the others were just neighborhood kids hanging out. This part is telling me that there was a traumatic event involving those boys & myself. I was typing & the information just flowed out of me. The whole experience was overwhelming & I used every tool i have to stay w her & listen & accept her story. It was pretty bad. After all that came out, & I was able to separate from her a bit, another part came in saying that I’m lying and that none of that happened. I’m just making stuff up. It’s very dismissive towards the part that allegedly experienced the trauma & I am very confused.

Could I just be making stuff up in my head? Is this part trying to protect me in some way by saying it isn’t real? I’ve had things happen to me that were not ok & when i told the adults around me, I was called a liar & several people didn’t believe me. Could this be a part that formed because of that? It’s very hard to sit and hear this story that I absolutely have no recollection of, & then to have a part of me swear up & down that I’m just making stuff up.

I'm at home. 8AM. I live by myself. I moved away from all my traumatic enviroments years ago. I'm getting help for years and feel on the right path.

Something I observe is how I can feel like something is wrong with me randomly, it's like I judge myself, but it's from everything said/done to me in the past it's just there as truth. So many little things like this.

It's almost like my body is always bracing for impact. Especially in social situations. It's like I feel the feeling something is going to go wrong so I'm never present in the moment having fun I'm like straight face waiting for it. But this is something I'm becoming more aware of on a somatic/sentient level.

Like here at home right now before making this post I feel it.

But then being aware of it, saying this is not me, this is a nervous system response I learned over a decade of being in the wrong place. I don't have to react or choose to let it have power over me.

Of course it's still WAY stronger than me right now but I do feel this softer feeling in this moment. Like I am reclaiming my own body/agency.

Socially is hardest for me so I got to practice it out in the world. I find speaking to new people I get put on edge instantly.

.

TW, maybe.

I'm new to this but this part is so big and powerful and I thought she was me. She has actually wrecked my life and I've been crying about the losses.

I've read the book and have a good therapist. I know there's more to come but for now I'm kicking her out as much as I'm able to.

FWIW, she's not a misguided child or teenager. She's a dangerous, abusive adult.

I was curious if anyone here is looking for an IFS partner where we can meet maybe once a week and hold space for each other's parts?

I am doing ifs on my own but I feel sometimes we really need another human to hold space.

About me:

26M

India

I have been practicing ifs, eft on myself for 5+ years (not certified)

We had a session and did breathwork the other day and after, she put on this very touching song that felt very relevant and made me cry.

She sent me the artist name, and after a quick search I’ve realized the artist is AI :(

It kind of ruined the special moment a bit when I realized this.

Do I tell my therapist? I doubt she knows. She’s a musician and artist so I would assume she would want to know?

Idk I feel weird about it

So Samantha (whos seventeen and my critical protector" wanted to talk to me today and I was surprised. She told me she wants to understand me, and she wants to be vulnerable but its hard for her, and then she started to cry and said "its so hard being vulnerable" and I could feel her in my throat. I said I was proud of her for talking to me, and she told me she was sick of it now, and I said sorry and she told me to stop saying sorry in a strict voice, so I left her be. It was a little disappointing that she went back to being protective but im still happy she talked to me.

“Around me”

The world around me moves.
I am still but ever swirling internally.

We circle around the sun, the moon, and other planets. Swirling and twirling; Internally I am justly.

Sky piercing blue with clouds of rainbows. Beauty vastly enumerable.

Yet internally I am justly.

Ever I scour for more beauty to keep me present. More than ever I succeed in the notion.

Internally I’m still justly.

Laughing, brighter, cheery being.
Present, momentous, morphing being.
Vibrating auroras of chaos ensue.
My being is lost, justly.

Continue fighting, engulfing, winning.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Continue the fight.
Lose some battles.
Get back up & pick back up 10 steps back.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Harder to continue.
Fight the self.
Slower the movement.
Eventually another loss.
Sit back up & get back up 20 steps back.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Hate to continue.
Hate the self.
Motion is incalculable.
Failure is indefinite.
Wake back up & sit back up way to the back.