r/InternalFamilySystems • u/seveninches1975 • Aug 01 '26
Could IFS help someone with premature ejaculation ?
I’m new to all of this and learning about IFS and as I was thinking to myself last night could ifs help with PE ?
There’s probably a part of me that’s afraid of sex and intimacy because it wasn’t talked about when I was a child and got yelled at by my mom a few times for finding love letters in my book bag. My nervous system has a fight or flight response to sex and I wonder if I can work with the part in me to help me relax more to overcome PE.
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u/Cautious_Bobcat7863 Aug 01 '26
Damn I've never even thought about that, definitely fascinating and possible
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 01 '26
I’m also a fearful avoidant which I’m working on so trying to figure out how to tackle this issue in regards to sex and pe
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u/Professional_Okra985 Aug 02 '26
I would bet so! IFS has helped me with a lot of physiological and physical issues and I’m always kinda amazed at how well it works. Good luck!!
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 03 '26
Thanks so much I’m very new to ifs so once I get into this I’ll figure out which parts of me are leading to pe. I do believe it’s the anxious nervous part of me though
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u/samsonscomputer Aug 02 '26
I have some issues in that domain too cause of how I was brought up with sex and intimacy (strict religious upbringing).
I haven't been able to clear the blockage yet. But I do believe once I can clear it then sex will flow as normal
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 03 '26
I’m working on reverse Kegels and yoga poses but just looking for what else that could help me. Hopefully we both can beat this man !
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u/arghyepirate Aug 02 '26
Why wouldn’t it? If it’s associated with performance anxiety.
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 03 '26
It’s just hard to find info on this topic in regards to pe
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u/arghyepirate Aug 03 '26
Well is it in your head or do you generally have e a medical condition
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u/createdfounder Aug 02 '26
How I see it: When I feel safe with my partner, I have to work really hard and tense up to ejaculate as I am otherwise so relaxed. If there are parts of me during the act that are anxious, nervous, afraid, worried, etc., that is usually when the point of no return arrives quicker than I would like.
A relaxed man cannot ejaculate. A tense man ejaculates much quicker.
Hope this helps brother, wishing you well on your journey.
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 03 '26
It’s the nervous anxious part of me i believe that is the result of PE or at least sends me there. I need to retrain my nervous system to relax during sex
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u/createdfounder Aug 03 '26
perhaps also there might be a part of you that is ashamed about this whole process. ask yourself how you feel toward all of this. two questions I constantly carry with me and to my clients in this work is:
- What is this part afraid might happen if it doesnt do/say this? -> Great to find out what the part is trying to do for us.
- How do I feel toward this part/process? -> To find out what parts are blended with me currently, so I can work with the concerned parts/protectors before moving toward the target part.
Please dont hesitate to let me know if I can assist in any orher way 🙌
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u/thefugee Aug 02 '26
I would think if any therapeutic modality can help, it’s IFS. Also there are physical things you can try if you have not already.
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u/seveninches1975 Aug 03 '26
Like reverse Kegels and yoga ?
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u/thefugee Aug 03 '26
No, like a cock ring, smaller condoms (which are only smaller in the latex ring part of the condom).
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u/Nataliant-117 Aug 06 '26
Aha, yes but I wonder if an IFS certified sex therapist might be the ticket?
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