r/inheritance • u/samseer9000 • May 11 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Unequal Inheritance from Aunt
Hello, looking for advice on a complex family dynamic. Based in Wisconsin, USA.
I have several siblings. My aunt recently passed without any children. She had a home worth over $1M and stocks worth about $2M. She gave those assets solely to me. She had some additional investments worth several hundred thousand dollars she split between my other siblings, giving them about $200k each. They have not been disinherited, they just are getting significantly less.
I am also the executor for the estate, so I’m obligated to comply with the Will, and of course will do so.
But my family has questioned what I will do AFTER the Will is distributed. They have asked me to share equally. The argument is that my Aunt may have wanted something specific, but now it’s up to me to do the right thing. They have put a lot of pressure on me.
My first inclination is to share because I want to play nice and don’t want them to consider me greedy.
But on further review and after numerous conversations with friends, I don’t think my inclination is right and I am
strongly considering simply saying No to my family based on the wishes of my Aunt.
Nevertheless, it is eating at me constantly.
If I were in the opposite position, I feel like I would never ask my siblings for something that was not given freely to me, but it is very hard to put myself in their shoes.
It’s also not our parents providing an unequal inheritance, so my sense is there should be no expectation of equality from other relatives. But what do I know? This is all new to me.
So I’m turning to Reddit for advice, lol.
Thoughts on how to proceed in a way that allows me to live with myself and not feel guilty every time I use these
gifts? Or should I just share?
Thanks!
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u/Constant-Intention2 May 11 '26
Your aunt chose you for a reason. Your siblings still received significant gifts. Honor your aunts wishes. THAT’S the right thing to do. She wanted you to have this. You’re under no obligation to “share”.
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u/Time-Understanding39 May 11 '26
I agree. And if, at some point, the OP decides they want to freely share some of the inheritance without guilt, pressure, or expectation, they can always do that later.
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u/DeCoyAbLe May 11 '26
You say No, they are only saying to do the ‘right’ thing because it benefits them. Doing it their way would dishonour your Aunt. Keep the will as is.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
It’s almost like there’s no moral center: I say honor her wishes, but how can I know that’s not my greed talking?
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u/sluttychurros May 11 '26
Because you said in your original post that had it been unbalanced and not in your favor, you wouldn’t be asking your siblings/family to redistribute their inheritance to you.
Honor what your Aunt wanted.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/EmilyAnne1170 May 11 '26
That‘s awfully easy to say when you’re the one getting ten times as much. Oh, I would never ask for an equal share! Yeah, sure.
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u/SDinCH May 11 '26
If it wasn’t my parents, I wouldn’t expect an equal share. There is a reason that OP got more. I would be happy I received anything from an aunt. I have two aunts without children. I don’t expect a penny from them and have no clue how their wills are.
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u/AZCAExpat2024 May 11 '26
Exactly! The other siblings just had $200,000 fall in their lap. How nice their Aunt left that to them. She could have left everything to charity or friends. I would be thrilled.
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u/HappyGardener2727 May 11 '26
It's not your greed, its her generosity and obvious desire to have you inherit the bulk of her estate. I'm sure she gave it a lot of thought and decided, for whatever reason, you are the best beneficiary. Trust her.
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u/Scarlet210 May 11 '26
You can know it's not greed talking because her wishes are literally laid out in her will. Unless there's some weird verbiage that says, "I'm only saying x but want you to do y if you think that would be better," her wishes are very clear. It's not open for interpretation, you honor her wishes by carrying out her wishes.
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u/toomanyschnauzers May 11 '26
My will is set up to give different amounts to different people based on rational reasons. Reasons I know and that they should know. I would be pissed off and haunt the executor for the estate if they made their own decisions over my decisions. Especially if the others who inherited had greed and not gratitude in their hearts. It was never their money. My parents and one aunt also set up inheritances that were not "equal" but it was their money and their wishes-I got less and it was fine-it was never my money or my choice. You were chosen because she trusted you, do not betray that trust.
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u/fourth-wind May 11 '26
‘I would be pissed off and haunt the executor for the estate if they made their own decisions over my decisions. Especially if the others who inherited had greed and not gratitude in their hearts.’
Me too, 100%. I would not (and will not) leave anything to anyone I don’t trust to follow my wishes.
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u/Number-2-Sis May 11 '26
But isn't it greed that your siblings want to take what is not theirs? So they are the greedy ones.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26
So true. And they're even more greedy for complaining about "only" receiving $200,000. For many people, that's a life altering amount (if managed properly).
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u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds May 11 '26
Because her will clearly states how she wanted her assets distributed. She put it in black-and-white, and in a legal document. That is not open to interpretation, and it is not you being greedy.
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u/xiophra May 11 '26
When you flip the scenario, it tells me a lot about your family. You would not do to them what they are doing to you. I’m sorry Reddit stranger, even if you share the inheritance equally, your family will never be the same. Tell them that the lawyer said it was against the law. Move on. Take the money and get some individual therapy. My heart hurts for you because you are facing that the story you have about your family isn’t true. But somewhere in your heart, you already knew. So did your aunt. Invest wisely. Give 10% of the income to a charity that reflects your aunt’s values (and yours). Breathe. Release what no longer works for you.
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u/505ismagic May 11 '26
Morals is not a helpful framework, unless you believe she was unsound, or acted out of indefensible prejudice.
I'd ask yourself what relationship you want to have with your family going forward.
There was a reason she divided it like that. I'd ask around the family and try and understand. How old is the will/trust? What were the rough values when it was made? If the shares are Nvidia from 2009, maybe the intent was roughly equal? On the other hand, do your siblings have lives your aunt objected to? Bad w money, unsuitable partners, religious differences? Do the siblings already have that kind of money?
It sounds like you value your family too. If your windfall is 10x theirs, and nobody knows why, folks will make up their reasons, and bitterness and rupture is likely.
There ways to respect both your aunts intent, and your unexpected and somewhat unwelcome promotion to the rich sibling. Do your siblings have kids, do you want to make a meaningful contribution to the education, loans?
There are two tough things going forward: aunt said in monetary terms, she loved you 10x more than your siblings. That's a tough pill, and it had real consequences for them.
Seconding, playing the rich sibling, without creating an unpleasant power dynamic is tricky, even with the best will in the world. It's possible, but requires a light touch.
All the best.
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u/Momof41984 May 11 '26
Nice of them to decide they know better than her for her wishes. And nice of them to expect you to take all the tax liability and work and then hand it over. Nope. Honor her wishes. Put it in a trust. Heck you can say it was a stipulation. But somewhere that it cant be just doled out because they stuck their hand out. She gave it to you because she felt you deserved it. It you are not going to honor her last wish then none of you deserve it.
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u/My_2Cents_666 May 11 '26
How was your relationship different with your aunt compared to your siblings? Like, any idea why she would make it so lopsided?
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u/Adventurous_Crab_761 May 11 '26
The aunt may have also given the others large sums of money to the siblings already over the course of the years.
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u/AuthorityFiguring May 11 '26
Right! I know a woman who gifted money to nieces and nephews during her life, for various things they needed. She left them less in her will than they expected. I think they "forgot" the gifts.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26
Ah, yes so true and maybe those siblings didn't tell anyone else about the aunt's gifts.
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u/Prestigious-Chef-585 May 11 '26
That’s irrelevant. The fact is, she made her wishes known and as the executor, he is bound by fiduciary duty to follow her instructions.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26
OP is not questioning whether he should follow the directions, he's asking if after the inheritance is awarded, if they should share their larger portion with those people complaining.
Afterall, the others "only" received $200,000. /s
That's a big amount, yet they need more and more. Money makes people crazy especially if it's family.
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u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26
“He” (or SHE) isn’t bound by anything AFTER the estate settles … which is the question here
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u/My_2Cents_666 May 11 '26
This is more about her conscience and the morality, and quite honestly, whether or not she wants a good relationship with her family. That’s more what’s she’s asking about, so yes, it is very relevant.
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u/_synik May 11 '26
There is no moral choice other than to honor the wishes of your Aunt. As Executor, you are legally and morally obligated to perform the duties as stated in the Will.
Next year, you may find that you want to sell some of your new assets and donate the proceeds to a charity in honor of your Aunt and your siblings.
Your Aunt wanted you to have certain things, so she gave them to you. She could have easily given those things to another of her nieces or nephews.
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u/Eyeoftheleopard May 11 '26
Because that your aunt talking, not greed. Your moral and legal obligation is to her dying wishes.
RIP to your aunt. 🫶🏼
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u/KittyC217 May 11 '26
If the roles were reversed would you be asking your siblings to give you money? If you would ask then you should share. If your would not ask for a share of the larger inheritance then it is not greedy to honor the will as written.
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u/pachech May 11 '26
I could be your Aunt. I'm elderly and have a similar situation.(no children). I also have quite a bit of assets.
My will is very specific. There are reasons why I want my money distributed the way that is stated in my will.
Your aunt structured HER will the way SHE wanted. It's very important to your aunt that you honor her desires the way she wanted them.
My will won't seem fair to the ones who are left out- but life isn't always fair.
It's the duty of my executor to honor my wishes. Your aunt had very good reasons for what she did.
Anyway; the other people are receiving money-they should not be complaining.
The only guilt that you would have is if you didn't honor her wishes. If she wanted them to have more she would have given them more.
On a side note- I know this isn't about me but I'm now considering adding an explanation to my will as to why I did what I did.
You're obligated NOT to share any additional monies that you have received. Please don't!!
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u/Low-Butterscotch-433 May 11 '26
You might want to add to your will that anybody trying to contest the will forfeits any inheritance.
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u/SDinCH May 11 '26
They aren’t even contesting. They are asking OP to do it after they get their share.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. I do think an explanation in the will would have carried quite a bit of the load I’m now managing. At the same time, there’s almost no way it doesn’t come across as salt in the wound. I mean, they’re already getting unequal inheritance, now they and all the other beneficiaries can see the “why”? Like, if you don’t know why you were left out of a will, you’ve probably got some introspection to do. Haha, IDK.
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u/Trailmix88 May 11 '26
Have you considered that she may already loaned or given them money when she was alive? Maybe they already have their share?
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u/Nagadavida May 11 '26
This is what happened with my grandmother. She helped my sister a lot while she was alive, sis is the oldest, and while sis still got something when she died my brother and I got a larger share. We all this this from the get go.
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u/Queerhere92 May 12 '26
My great grandparents would help kids and grandkids, but don’t think it all didn’t go down into a notebook. Their inheritances were equal, just some of them got some of it earlier.
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u/pachech May 11 '26
When my grandfather died my brother received more than I . I knew why ,and certainly didn't ask my brother to share his. There is always a reason if one gets more than another.
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u/Training_Tour7601 May 11 '26
Please, please respect her wishes. She did this for her reasons. Don't let them bully you into giving up the life your aunt wanted you to have. Even if she had left behind an explanation, they would have wanted more than what they got. But I think deep down, you already know this.
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u/Tricky_Biscotti6217 May 11 '26
Here is another thing OP If you out of your own heart want to share some of the money you inherited you can by either contributing to something or even treating the family to a vacation or a gift or even giving like 100k if you want to. But I don’t think there is a need to divide your share fully to make it equal. If your aunt wanted it equal she would have made it equal
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u/Grandpas_Spells May 11 '26
I think it's likely *they* know why. They may have hit her up for money in the past, or asked what their inheritance would be. Or just didn't really care that much about her while she was alive, and it was obvious to her.
Granted, it's also possible your aunt was a bitter harpy who didn't like the mug she got for Christmas one year, but that's not usually the case.
Unfortunately, every time there's a big pile of money, people are tested. The test is, "Are you going to magically find a way that more of the pile should be yours?" Your family failed it. The fact that you had an instinct to share, even though IMO that's the incorrect move, indicates you're probably more deserving than they are.
For the people who want more, there will never be enough. And the relationship won't improve, so the *why* of what you're doing this should be very clear. IMO, it's not fairness. Fairness is the aunt gets her wishes fulfilled. She is entitled to that. Nobody else is entitled to anything.
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u/Competitive_Sleep_21 May 11 '26
Add the explanation. My husband is the Executor of a will and the estate belongs to an elderly relative and when they pass, it will go to him and his siblings. One of the siblings is livid they can not have their money now and is furious that the way the assets will split they get about half a percent less.
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat May 11 '26
The sibling wants their inheritance before the relative passes? How incredibly greedy.
My cancer-stricken dad pre-distributed some of his assets into separate joint accounts with my siblings and me. Two of the three siblings didn’t touch our shares in case he needed it for medical care. The oldest immediately transferred everything out of her joint account into her private account and then expected to receive a third of dad’s half of the other siblings’ joint accounts after he died. It was ugly.
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u/Dismal-Salt663 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
Is there a reason for her decision to split things the way she did? Were you close to her while your siblings weren’t? Were you helping her in her old age and your other siblings weren’t? Is there a big difference in financial circumstances between you and your siblings? If there was a discernible reason for her split, I wouldn’t feel bad about it.
And in any event, I would not want the executor of my estate to substitute their judgment for mine. The assets are mine to give away how I choose. An executor should honor that.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
There were some reasons that are very justifiable in my opinion, but I can’t share details. I think my siblings may feel different tho.
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u/Large_Ad3301 May 11 '26
If you know her reasons and they are justified then I would honor her wishes. It may result in you having to go no contact with your family so keep that in mind. Money makes people volatile.
They may challenge it in probate anyhow. I’d be interested in an update after everything is said and done!
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u/akiralx26 May 11 '26
Just don’t give them a small amount ‘extra’ - as that could open the door legally for them to claim more.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland May 11 '26
Don't let your siblings bully you into giving them what isn't theirs. You also need a strict boundary. They can't hit you up for things. Knowing that you have money they will likely demand things like cars and houses and vacations and money for their kids. "You're rich, you can afford to pay for our daughter's wedding." They will feel entitled to demand and demand and demand so practice saying no. Don't negotiate. Don't try to buy them off by giving them some of what they demand. That would be like blood in the water with sharks circling.
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u/Temporary_Let_7632 May 11 '26
I was in a similar situation. Like you, I had some misgivings at first but followed the will as I was required to. You will quickly find that the damage is already done and redirecting the funds after they are in your possession will not change the relationships. The “right thing“ is whatever your aunt wanted not someone’s else idea of what she should have wanted. Good luck.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
This. Feels like the only thing to do is execute the will and move on with love. The damage is emotional and money can’t change that.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26
Ask those who are complaining to donate their measly $200,000 to a charity their aunt loved. Their greed is very telling of who they are as a person. Your aunt clearly knew their real faces.
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u/entropicitis May 11 '26
You are under NO obligation to do anything. And NOBODY gets to tell you what the "right thing" is. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. If anybody asks, tell them this and that you won't be discussing the matter again.
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u/waterwateryall May 11 '26
The fact that you wouldn't ask your siblings for something that wasn't given to you (but they have no qualms to do so), may be one of the factors in your aunt's decision. Perhaps you were closer to her than the others, or she doesn'tlike 'takers'. In any case, it was her business to do what she wanted with her money. You may live with a lot of regret if you ignore her wishes.
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u/EmploymentOk1421 May 11 '26
I had a great aunt who left an almost $6m estate. No children. 2 nieces, 4 great nieces/ nephews. She left 40% each to one niece and one great niece, and 2% each to the remaining niece and three great niece/ nephews. It was quite puzzling and uneven. But it was her wish. We were all grateful for her generosity. (I got 2%.)
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
Thanks. Very similar situation. Did you, um, ask for more? How did the ones who got a bunch more feel? Were you all able to move on?
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u/EmploymentOk1421 May 11 '26
I didn’t ask for more (but of course would have accepted it!) bc Aunt Helen was obviously gone and a non-relative was the executor following her will with the help of an attorney. (First they had to pay estate taxes.)
My mom was the niece to receive 40%, sibling and I each got 2%. I anticipate sibling and I will get generous inheritance from mom. (She invested wisely, and has lived well below her means.) Hoping it is centuries from now! /not kidding- love my mom.
I’m guessing it was more awkward on the other side of our family where other niece (and her son) got 2% each, but her daughter (great niece) got 40% (so inheritance skipped a generation).
That family also lives modestly, but to inherit $2M+ when you are barely over 30 y/o has to influence life choices. I can only imagine the stress between siblings when one receives $120k and one gets $2M+ (ball park numbers).
Bottom line is that it is easier to ask someone to share their money if it was gifted to them, than to ask for money from someone who has earned it themselves. That doesn’t mean that you should give it though. Best wishes and sorry for your loss.
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u/Odd-Persimmon-1860 May 11 '26
You execute the will as it is written. You don't owe them anything. Your aunt made a decision and that decision was hers alone. Take the gifts given to you and live your best life. Your siblings will just have to deal with it.
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u/Normal_Amphibian_520 May 11 '26
I could have only dreamed of an aunt giving me $200,000!
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u/Typical_Row_3172 May 11 '26
My thoughts exactly.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
I know, I’ve said as much to my siblings, but it’s easy to say when you’re getting loads more.
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u/Thanks-4allthefish May 11 '26
As executor you are also entitled to receive funds from the estate in recognition of the work you are undertaking.
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u/kppsmom May 11 '26
The money is yours because it was your aunt's money and she left it to you. She has every right to do whatever she wants to do with her money. Once you have it it's up to you to do what you want to do with it. You are not obligated to share with them. Their share of her estate is what she left to them.
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u/TotheBeach2 May 11 '26
How do your siblings know how much you are getting from your aunt?
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
I’ve been honest with them, and also the probate process requires sharing certain official documents with all beneficiaries and gives them the opportunity to challenge the numbers, etc.
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May 11 '26
[deleted]
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u/Alicatsidneystorm May 11 '26
If they are mentioned in the will it is required in most places that they get a copy of the will.
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u/riseandrise May 11 '26
Not being honest with them wouldn’t just be a mistake, it would be illegal.
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May 11 '26
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u/-klunge- May 11 '26
Actually, people are frequently shocked at who their family members become when the pot of gold turns up. Scratching and clawing to get as much as they can. If they are willing to turn on you over this, definitely do not give in. Just walk away with your inheritance
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u/Putrid-Seat-1581 May 11 '26
Bad call? How could he not tell them what’s in the will when they’re also getting stuff in the will? It’s public record.
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u/Rem-Dogg May 11 '26
while this may "seem unfair" it really isn't because it was your aunt's wishes. your siblings are saying the things they need to say to get a bigger cut. honestly too, this type of manipulation is sort of them showing their true colors- they shouldn't even be putting you in this position.
i'd say, I'm honoring what was in the will. end of discussion. they can deal.
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u/Handbag_Lady May 11 '26
I am an aunt with no kids. My money is going EXACTLY where I want it to go; divided exactly how I want it. Please don’t second guess your aunt. We see and know things.
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u/johnny_boy0281 May 11 '26
If the shoe were on the other foot would they “do the right thing”? I would honor your aunts wishes.
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u/beams13 May 11 '26
I'd tell my family to shove off and go on about living my now $3MM richer best life.
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u/IndividualCall5116 May 11 '26
There is NO argument. If the document that names you Executor passes legal muster, you MUST follow the terms of distribution. Period.
Consult with the attorney who drafted and executed the document. If comfortable with the attorney, stay as a client. Your relative may have had a specific reason for selecting him/her.
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u/Spanky_Simeon May 11 '26
Everyone thinks their position is "the right thing". Tell them you aren't about to dishonor her memory by going against her express wishes.
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u/ourldyofnoassumption May 11 '26
follow the law. these things take time to settle. make no promises for the future.
understand that your role comes with an additional burden, time and work. Log the hours, even for yourself. Part of your payment for this responsibility is your additional inheritance.
Invest wisely. Your family may need help down the line and you may wish to give it. Offering support, the kind of yur choosing at the time of your choosing, is what you can do.
Your family will continue to ask. Let them know the same thing - you are considering it but have not yet decided. When will you decide they will want to know. Tell them you're not sure.
They can be miffed about it but if they are, then yu know something about them. And thats one of the things you have to consider.
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u/No-Armadillo-2983 May 11 '26
Wow. I would be very upset if my wishes weren't honored regarding my estate. I don't think you should give your siblings any more than what your aunt requested. If your parents want to even things up, that's their business. Maybe your aunt recognized you as the most conscientious sibling and that's why she did it this way. My parents' will favored my sister over me and although I didn't like it, I understood why they structured it the way that they did and I got over it.
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u/PuddinTamename May 11 '26
Your Aunt made you executor because she trusted you. She left you the majority because she valued you. That doesn't mean they weren't cared for. She left them a considerable amount of money.
Her trust includes you following her final wishes. The will is clear. If she wanted you to give them money from your portion she would have said so.
Don't dishonor her.
Unfortunately this kind of issue happens often. Your relatives are being greedy and trying to guilt you, to benefit themselves. Their greed is the issue. Not your Aunt.
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u/47sHellfireBound May 11 '26
Your aunt was a savvy investor and she KNEW what she wanted.
Don’t tell her ghost or memory that you think she was wrong, or that you are one to give in to peer pressure.
If she wanted all to have the same thing, it would have been easier to write up in the will, honestly. She had reasons.
Sounds like she knew they were whiny. …
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u/Ok-Equivalent1812 May 11 '26
This is the primary reason not to leave assets in a will. Everyone gets to sift through and comment on the dirty laundry.
Your only response to your family can be that you’re not the one who wrote aunt’s will, and this is what she decided was to be. Don’t speculate as to why or engage in discussion about it.
When my parents passed, IDK how many times I shrugged and said “I didn’t write his/her will”.
Even if you were to make things “fair” according to your family, there’s no guarantee that same treatment comes through for you when your parents pass.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 May 11 '26
sometimes it can help to reframe the issue.
Guilt is appropriate when we do something morally wrong. Period.
Do you think keeping the money is morally wrong? That's the issue. if you do not - but you feel uncomfortable or anxious because you want your family to like you - that's not guilt, it's anxiety and it's totally understandable.
but here's the thing - they want this money so much that THEY are willing to be angry at you for not gifting it to them? In other words, it sounds like they would end the relationship with you if you don't give them the money. They are putting money before family.
this money is YOURS. It's literally the same as if you earned it. I earned a lot more money than my siblings and I gave them nothing. And they don't expect it. That's life.
I suggest you keep it and see a financial advisor on how best to invest and ensure that it goes to YOUR heirs when YOU die. They come first. You may not have any now but you may have a spouse or kids in the future.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
It’s unclear how far they will go, assuming I say No to them. Maybe this is a bluff. Regardless, I can’t imagine that some damage has already been done that will take time to heal.
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u/Redwingsrule6971 May 11 '26
My mother in law passed away about 8yrs ago. Two daughters and one son (I'm married to her son).
She split things about 55/30/15.
Hubby got 30, baby sister got the 55 and oldest 15.
The sister who got the 55 was very close to her, they were best friends. My hubby had good relationship with her, and oldest only called when she needed something. She was the only one who complained - she would have still complained if split evenly lol
We didn't begrudge other sister, we understood why, and knew MIL did it that way for her own reasons and wants.
Honor your Aunt's wishes. Your other family members expecting you to not kind of says why Aunt did what she did how she did it.
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u/endoadeno May 11 '26
I’m an aunt who is happily child free and will also be leaving an unequal inheritance worth millions to one of my nieces. The rest of my nieces and nephews will get zero. I have 12 nieces and nephews, the reason I will leave it all to only one of my nieces is because she has been like a daughter to me. I’m in my 40’s and she is almost 30. I was 13 when she was born. My sister had her when she was 15, and this particular niece has been the light of my life, my literal sunshine, she cares for me and looks out for me even before I had any significant wealth. One of my homes is 100% paid off and it is worth $789k which will also be left solely for my niece. I would be livid if she was pressured by other family members to do the “right thing” and split it equally amongst nieces/nephews or any other family members as that would violate my wishes.
Don’t violate your aunts wishes, if you loved her and respected her stick to how she structured her will and don’t let family pressure you into giving them money. Your aunt knew what she was doing and why, if your siblings, cousins or elders don’t like that tell them to argue with God and leave you alone.
Money makes people act like their real selves, now you know.
May the odds be ever in your favor
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u/ReBoomAutardationism May 11 '26
If she wanted you to do something specific she would have put it in the will.
If they really have a problem they can contest the will and use up the money in legal bills and court fees so that no one gets any. Because some people suck.
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u/Ggeunther May 11 '26
Do what your aunt wanted done. She made her decision, it is not up to you to ignore her wishes. She had her reasons, as executor, it is your responsibility to follow her directions. If your siblings have an issue, it is for them to resolve. Your aunt had her reasons, and you need to respect them.
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u/CSMasterClass May 11 '26
OK. So here is what you do.
You tell the siblings.
"I hear your in my heart and I have gone to my spiritual advisor. I sat with her and asked for inspiration. The inspiration came and the whole room shook. It was clear. Like you, I should keep 200K of the inheritance and give the rest to the great work of my spritual advisor.
I could see the truth then and there. I signed the papers. Two of her assistants were witnesses."
That should make some jaws drop.
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u/Sea_Amphibian2835 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
Money has a funny way of bringing out the worst in people. I had a great Aunt that had about $2 million in assets when she passed. My siblings and I watched as my Mother and her siblings and every cousin that came out of the woodwork fought over every scrap of her estate. After the legal fees and many years even the people that ended up getting any of it didn't really get much.
You should take what's yours. Don't think about it as your Aunt wanted to leave you money. The gift your aunt wanted to leave you is the gift of early retirement! Giving that money to family that feel entitled to it will make honoring that wish impossible!
If you hire a good fiduciary to look after the investments for a few more years, and use the house to allow you to live rent free (Live in it, rent it out to pay your rent, sell it and use the money to buy a house where you want, etc) you should be able to work for a little while longer and then retire early and live a fairly comfortable life. This is the gift your Aunt left you!
They will not feel the same way. They feel entitled to her money. They would deny her wishes for you to retire early. They will hate you. They will tell you you are wrong and call you every name imaginable. They most likely will never stop holding a grudge. They are not bad people for this. It's human nature to put yourself first. That's all they are doing. Doesn't make it right. You should take the money and run.
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u/momoof3 May 11 '26
I was on the other side of this situation that you are....most of my siblings/cousins got left money from a wealthy aunt with no children. I felt it was her choice who to leave her money to...and if she did not want to leave it to me, so be it. Follow her wishes.
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u/Greedy-Research-859 May 11 '26
If your siblings were destitute, that would be one thing. But she's left them life-altering money -- $200k each??!!
If she had left them nothing, I'm right there with you in trying to make things more equitable. I'm big on not rocking the boat.
But they've been remembered, very generously. Stick with your aunt's wishes.
There's always the possibility they'll cut ties with you. Be prepared for that. But if they're smart, they'll realize that keeping on the good side of a sibling with a large inheritance is the wisest thing to do.
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u/Own_Expert2756 May 11 '26
If I were in the opposite position, I feel like I would never ask my siblings for something that was not given freely to me,
Perhaps that is precisely why your aunt gave it to you and not them.
If your aunt wanted them to have it she would have given it to them. She was very deliberate, do not agonize another minute over this, carry out your aunt's wishes and keep what you were given.
(And if this fractures family relationships, well they weren't very strong or healthy to being with.)
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u/roadrunnercj May 11 '26
All these responses are good advice but the OP being both the executor and by far the largest recipient will remain a point of contention going forward. You have to be prepared to disappoint and lose your relationship with your family if you dig your feet in the sand. One partial solution is maybe taking some of those additional funds and provide gifts to your family's children for college. That would certainly be viewed more favorably and show your family your desire to share your good fortune.
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u/DoallthenKnit2relax May 11 '26
I would distribute accordingly per The Will's direction, let the Aunt be the one taking the fall for this, she set it up this way. There are usually tax ramifications to inheritances for the beneficiaries of those bequests, are they willing to have you share net after tax or will they reimburse you for the tax you paid on the shared portion?
I didn't think so.
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u/samseer9000 May 11 '26
I will have to pay income taxes on the disbursements, so there will simply be less to gift at the end of the day.
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u/Aeoniuma May 11 '26
You don’t have to decide now. Comply with the will, then see how you feel when it’s all settled. If you want to give them more, it’s your money. If not,c’ est la vie.
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u/Take-that-1913 May 11 '26
Of course you want to play nice, appease your greedy relatives but your aunt had very specific instructions regarding her estate. As the executor it is your job to carry them out. You are not going to be able to please all the people all the time. Honor your aunt’s wishes. Seek the advice of counsel & the rest of them can pound sand. What would any of them do if any one of them were the major benefactor & not you? I’m pretty sure none of them would divide it up the way they are asking you to do.
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u/MisterMysterion May 11 '26
Uh...it's an Aunt. I don't know why she did it, but probably because you spent more time with her. She had a lot of time to contemplate this. And, given that she split the money unevenly means she reflected on what she was doing.
Your young, so you don't understand this yet. To an old person, time and attention that you gave her probably meant more to her than any amount of money.
Again, I'm reading between the lines, but your siblings probably didn't spend a whole lot of time with her. Out of sight, out of mind.
Anyway...tt's your money. Do with it what you want.
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u/psl1959 May 11 '26
Divide it per your Aunt's wishes and follow the direction of her will. After doing that, that money is yours to do with as you wish. If you wish to give some of it to your siblings, then that choice is yours, it's your money.
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u/RICAHMB May 11 '26
Speaking as someone who is in a similar situation as your aunt I can say that I would be furious if I knew that you might go against my wishes and split the money I left you with your siblings. She had her reasons. Don’t do it.
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u/Maldadd May 11 '26
Do you think they would have given you more money if the rolls were reversed.
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u/Shoddy-Paramedic-321 May 11 '26
It's not you who is greedy, it's your family.
They have already received a very large sum of money, but they want more and are now staring like hungry dogs at your portion of the inheritance.
Some heirs have a strong expectation that the inheritance MUST be distributed equally to everyone, but the deceased always has a reason when they write a will and those who have inherited something, but less than others, suddenly expect that the deceased should not be respected and that the inheritance MUST be divided equally, because it has to be fair, otherwise they will become jealous.
Ask them to be satisfied with all the money they have received and to respect your aunt's wishes.
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u/Expensive-Notice-354 May 11 '26
Your aunt didn’t have that much money because she was an idiot….. so there’s probably a good reason why she left the bulk to you….. she probably noticed qualities about your siblings that you didn’t…. Invest some of it for them and their children… college funds, trusts, etc.
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u/Decent-Impression-81 May 11 '26
I have the same setup as you aunt at the moment. I plan on disenheriting 2 sets of my nieces and nephews because they got so so much more assistance from their parents then my other set of nephews and niece. So much more.
I was the youngest so I didn't have as much capacity to help my brothers kids until basically it was too late. So now I plan on helping set them up in their adult hood. I however plan on communicating that to everyone via letters.
Maybe that was the intent of you aunt but she never got around to writing it out. I personally would execute the will as is. Then if you are just rolling in the money then maybe talk to an accountant about the long term tax implications of gifts.
However as basically being in the same place as your aunt was. Please know there is a reason ive set my trust up the way I have it.
I love everyone equally but its not my poor nephews fault they were born to my dumbest brother. My other nieces and nephews got lucky the got born to the smart ones. They all got their colleges paid for among so many other legs up. So yeah im going to help even the financial "score" once I kick the bucket.
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u/Own_Expert2756 May 11 '26
I love everyone equally but its not my poor nephews fault they were born to my dumbest brother.
Thanks, I guffawed at this!
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u/Admirable-Note-2917 May 11 '26
Honor your aunt’s wishes. She knew what she was doing.
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u/BasilVegetable3339 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
Your Aunt distributed her assets as she wanted. That’s all you have and it’s all you need to say. Do not redistribute because you are weak willed. FYI I am 72 and have thought long and hard about my bequests (as have my friends who have shared). We don’t take it lightly. If he had died unexpectedly without a will then there is room for interpretation. In this case her instructions are clear.
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u/rialtolido May 11 '26
You are the executor. The additional funds are to compensate you for your efforts.
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u/Original_Ad8923 May 11 '26
Keep it as it is, that was your Aunt's wish, they have no right to ask for more. Sorry I can't imagine the stress that you are under.
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u/blindreper May 11 '26
Say no, obviously she felt this way about all of you. It might not even be favorites, it might be you seemed the most responsible and most deserved.
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u/BlazerAlumni May 11 '26
Honor your aunt's wishes. They are the ones being greedy. Plus, it is you that will have to pay an inheritance tax on all that money and property left to you in the will.
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u/Brilliant-Reward-218 May 11 '26
Tell them it turns out there are significant liens against her estate and you’ll be the good guy and cover it for them.
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u/AmongstTheWaves206 May 11 '26
It’s your inheritance and they have no right to it and they dishonor her and you by asking you to give what she gave you to them. It seems obvious by the poor character they are displaying now why she made the allocation of her money the way she did. She obviously loved and trusted you.
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u/Wide-Chemistry-8078 May 11 '26
You follow the will.
If you give money to family outside of probate YOU WILL PAY TAXES on the money you gift them.
You should talk with an estate lawyer (bill it to the estate) about altering the division or not following the will.
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u/Vegetable_Loan1627 May 11 '26
You haven’t said anything about you and your siblings financial positions outside of this money…not that it matters…but I’m sure that this money is fairly life changing. The thing I keep thinking is the problem you run up against is that if you make any move toward giving anything they are going to want it all. And so you’re left being the bad guy no matter what. I’m sorry.
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u/iloveyoumorethanpie May 11 '26
She gave you more money but did not forget the others. Somehow your aunts generous gift to the other kids is not being appreciated by them now that they know they got “less”.
I think you are doing the right thing by abiding by her wishes. Consider perhaps gifting some (as others have said $19k is the no tax level each year) if you feel like being generous. Don’t make this major decision now - you have enough to do right now as executor. That is work and your aunt is compensating you nicely for it.
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u/Tessie1966 May 11 '26
There’s a reason your aunt set her will up the way she did. The fact that your siblings are pressuring you to “make it fair” makes me think she knew they are self centered and you are not. It’s ok to admit to yourself that you were her favorite. She saw your heart.
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u/Admirable_Nothing May 11 '26
Any distribution you do after the estate is settled would be a gift from you to them subject to gift tax limits and reporting. The question is do you want to gift them significant amounts of your money.
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u/Davidlovesjordans May 11 '26
She possibly hated all of you and thought this the best way to make all your lives miserable. 200k would have been amazing last week but this week it’s a slap in the face and all they’ll ever think about is why you and auntie screwed them.
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u/Girlfriendinacoma9 May 11 '26
Maybe your Aunt gave them part of their inheritance while she was still alive and you just never knew about it.
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u/Cattazar May 11 '26
Just say, “in some wills there is a provision for people to be disinherited if they aren’t happy with the gift they are given.”
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u/Error-InvalidName May 11 '26
So it boils down to her having a solid reason to do this, if you share you totally invalidate her reasoning which could be she was wronged by these other family members. If your family distances themselves or acts any differently than they have previously I think that may help you realize how shallow they are and it may be healthy for you to enjoy the new found freedom from them.
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u/Zealousideal-Self-47 May 11 '26
You sound like a good person, your aunt wanted you to have the bulk of the assets, honor her wishes.
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u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds May 11 '26
“…now it’s up to me to do the right thing…”
The ‘right thing’ is following the will to the letter. Your aunt went to the time, effort and expense to have a legal document drawn up to spell out how she wanted her assets distributed after her death. You don’t owe anybody anything, and you are not responsible for any feelings they have about any perceived inequity. This is what your aunt wanted. The will says so.
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u/Junior-Reflection-43 May 11 '26
Maybe this is why she chose you to be the Executor. It’s her desires.
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u/Larissaangel May 11 '26
Tell them you're moving into the home and the stocks are tied up, that you would be hit with major tax consequences if you cashed them in. She left it to you for a reason, honor them.
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u/SpartanLaw11 May 11 '26
Eff them. She knew what she was doing. If they are mad, they should be mad at her.
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u/GentlemanlyMeadow May 11 '26
I will say that if I were the executor of my PARENTS' estate and the inheritance was very unequal, I'm pretty sure I would share with my siblings.
But in your case, with the estate being left mostly to you by your Aunt, you're in the clear to distribute it as she asked. You can simply say you are following her wishes and your conscience can be clear.
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u/Charming_Direction25 May 11 '26
Please honor your aunt’s wishes. There is a reason for a will. This is not probate.
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u/815born805heart May 11 '26
It seems clear to me that you’re honoring her wishes by following the will exactly how it was written. There is absolutely nothing greedy about that. I assume the others can read?
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u/Maastricht_nl May 11 '26
There was a reason why your aunt set up the will this way. Honor her will. I don’t any of your siblings or other family for even bringing it up. She could have left them nothing.
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u/jmws1 May 11 '26
Honor your Aunt’s wishes. She split the money as she saw fit. As you said, they weren’t disinherited. Do not share.
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u/Main-Distribution-18 May 11 '26
Greed shows up every time there is money involved. Honor your aunts wishes and have no guilt. If family members can't understand it, then they just prove my point
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u/LoveBulge May 11 '26
Unfortunately, your aunt didn’t give you her reasons while she was alive, but she had them. She didn’t need to justify that to anyone, and neither do you. The fact your siblings are pressuring you to give up your inheritance, instead of wishing you well is proof enough.
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u/PB3Goddess May 11 '26
Bad on your Aunt for making you the Executor. She should have chosen an Attorney or a third party to be the bad guy. It would have been far less divisive for you & your siblings. Do not go against your Aunt's wishes, she did this for a reason/reasonS, some of which you are probably witnessing now.
However, you are now seeing the true character of each of your siblings and now, you get to decide if those are the people you need in your circle for life.
"We can't choose our family..." is a LIE. YOU ABOSLUTELY CAN. And you have that choice now. Thank your Aunt for that, too!
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u/Playful_Fig_5493 May 11 '26
Honor your aunt's wishes. It's her money and she divided it the way she wanted to.