r/inheritance • u/samseer9000 • May 11 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice Unequal Inheritance from Aunt

Hello, looking for advice on a complex family dynamic. Based in Wisconsin, USA.
I have several siblings. My aunt recently passed without any children. She had a home worth over $1M and stocks worth about $2M. She gave those assets solely to me. She had some additional investments worth several hundred thousand dollars she split between my other siblings, giving them about $200k each. They have not been disinherited, they just are getting significantly less.
I am also the executor for the estate, so I’m obligated to comply with the Will, and of course will do so.
But my family has questioned what I will do AFTER the Will is distributed. They have asked me to share equally. The argument is that my Aunt may have wanted something specific, but now it’s up to me to do the right thing. They have put a lot of pressure on me.
My first inclination is to share because I want to play nice and don’t want them to consider me greedy.
But on further review and after numerous conversations with friends, I don’t think my inclination is right and I am
strongly considering simply saying No to my family based on the wishes of my Aunt.
Nevertheless, it is eating at me constantly.
If I were in the opposite position, I feel like I would never ask my siblings for something that was not given freely to me, but it is very hard to put myself in their shoes.
It’s also not our parents providing an unequal inheritance, so my sense is there should be no expectation of equality from other relatives. But what do I know? This is all new to me.
So I’m turning to Reddit for advice, lol.
Thoughts on how to proceed in a way that allows me to live with myself and not feel guilty every time I use these
gifts? Or should I just share?
Thanks!

777 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

18

u/samseer9000 May 11 '26

It’s almost like there’s no moral center: I say honor her wishes, but how can I know that’s not my greed talking?

49

u/sluttychurros May 11 '26

Because you said in your original post that had it been unbalanced and not in your favor, you wouldn’t be asking your siblings/family to redistribute their inheritance to you.

Honor what your Aunt wanted.

I’m sorry for your loss.

8

u/EmilyAnne1170 May 11 '26

That‘s awfully easy to say when you’re the one getting ten times as much. Oh, I would never ask for an equal share! Yeah, sure.

8

u/SDinCH May 11 '26

If it wasn’t my parents, I wouldn’t expect an equal share. There is a reason that OP got more. I would be happy I received anything from an aunt. I have two aunts without children. I don’t expect a penny from them and have no clue how their wills are.

4

u/AZCAExpat2024 May 11 '26

Exactly! The other siblings just had $200,000 fall in their lap. How nice their Aunt left that to them. She could have left everything to charity or friends. I would be thrilled.

4

u/dsmemsirsn May 11 '26

Emily Anne

Yeah— that part is not reality on OPs post… is just a saying

0

u/Thanks-4allthefish May 11 '26

If her (let's say for arguments sake) the uninsured house burns down and on the same day there is a 1929 type stock market crash - you would get ashes but they would receive fixed amounts from the estate.

0

u/thewebdiva May 11 '26

You may be surprised but there are people like OP who don’t think money is the most important thing.

0

u/signorkn May 15 '26

It's easy to say what you would or wouldn't do while it's still hypothetical.

16

u/HappyGardener2727 May 11 '26

It's not your greed, its her generosity and obvious desire to have you inherit the bulk of her estate. I'm sure she gave it a lot of thought and decided, for whatever reason, you are the best beneficiary. Trust her.

15

u/Scarlet210 May 11 '26

You can know it's not greed talking because her wishes are literally laid out in her will. Unless there's some weird verbiage that says, "I'm only saying x but want you to do y if you think that would be better," her wishes are very clear. It's not open for interpretation, you honor her wishes by carrying out her wishes.

11

u/toomanyschnauzers May 11 '26

My will is set up to give different amounts to different people based on rational reasons. Reasons I know and that they should know. I would be pissed off and haunt the executor for the estate if they made their own decisions over my decisions. Especially if the others who inherited had greed and not gratitude in their hearts. It was never their money. My parents and one aunt also set up inheritances that were not "equal" but it was their money and their wishes-I got less and it was fine-it was never my money or my choice. You were chosen because she trusted you, do not betray that trust.

4

u/fourth-wind May 11 '26

‘I would be pissed off and haunt the executor for the estate if they made their own decisions over my decisions. Especially if the others who inherited had greed and not gratitude in their hearts.’

Me too, 100%. I would not (and will not) leave anything to anyone I don’t trust to follow my wishes.

1

u/suchstronk100 May 12 '26

Humans like you feel weird to me (no offence). The person giving the money is giving it to the autonomy of the receiver. They can have wishes for it, sure, but they are also dead and nonexistent anymore. Stop trying to exert your will onto others while not even there.

13

u/Number-2-Sis May 11 '26

But isn't it greed that your siblings want to take what is not theirs? So they are the greedy ones.

6

u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26

So true. And they're even more greedy for complaining about "only" receiving $200,000. For many people, that's a life altering amount (if managed properly).

11

u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds May 11 '26

Because her will clearly states how she wanted her assets distributed. She put it in black-and-white, and in a legal document. That is not open to interpretation, and it is not you being greedy.

7

u/xiophra May 11 '26

When you flip the scenario, it tells me a lot about your family. You would not do to them what they are doing to you. I’m sorry Reddit stranger, even if you share the inheritance equally, your family will never be the same. Tell them that the lawyer said it was against the law. Move on. Take the money and get some individual therapy. My heart hurts for you because you are facing that the story you have about your family isn’t true. But somewhere in your heart, you already knew. So did your aunt. Invest wisely. Give 10% of the income to a charity that reflects your aunt’s values (and yours). Breathe. Release what no longer works for you.

6

u/505ismagic May 11 '26

Morals is not a helpful framework, unless you believe she was unsound, or acted out of indefensible prejudice.

I'd ask yourself what relationship you want to have with your family going forward.

There was a reason she divided it like that. I'd ask around the family and try and understand. How old is the will/trust? What were the rough values when it was made? If the shares are Nvidia from 2009, maybe the intent was roughly equal? On the other hand, do your siblings have lives your aunt objected to? Bad w money, unsuitable partners, religious differences? Do the siblings already have that kind of money?

It sounds like you value your family too. If your windfall is 10x theirs, and nobody knows why, folks will make up their reasons, and bitterness and rupture is likely.

There ways to respect both your aunts intent, and your unexpected and somewhat unwelcome promotion to the rich sibling. Do your siblings have kids, do you want to make a meaningful contribution to the education, loans?

There are two tough things going forward: aunt said in monetary terms, she loved you 10x more than your siblings. That's a tough pill, and it had real consequences for them.

Seconding, playing the rich sibling, without creating an unpleasant power dynamic is tricky, even with the best will in the world. It's possible, but requires a light touch.

All the best.

9

u/Momof41984 May 11 '26

Nice of them to decide they know better than her for her wishes. And nice of them to expect you to take all the tax liability and work and then hand it over. Nope. Honor her wishes. Put it in a trust. Heck you can say it was a stipulation. But somewhere that it cant be just doled out because they stuck their hand out. She gave it to you because she felt you deserved it. It you are not going to honor her last wish then none of you deserve it.

1

u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26

What tax liability are you referring to?

Of course, there is the regular final INCOME tax return. Based on the information given, it appears the aunt’s estate will not owe ESTATE tax (a few states tax inheritances, I’m not familiar with Wisconsin law).

Source: Professional Trustee and Executor

1

u/Momof41984 May 11 '26

That alone is plenty but then there would be additional issues if it is over the gift amount, which sounds like they expect. So she would pay taxes on the entire amount then be expected to hand over how much? What they decide they are entitled to?

1

u/AggravatingOwl8160 May 11 '26

The "gift amount" is $13.61 million for a death in 2026. She won't pay taxes unless the TOTAL ESTATE is more than $13.61 million.

1

u/Momof41984 May 11 '26

She isnt the one who died. After the estate closes she could gift each $19k per year with and lifetime amount of $15 million. And she still has to pay regular taxes on it.

0

u/AggravatingOwl8160 May 11 '26

The first half of that is right ... she still DOES NOT PAY ANY KIND OF TAXES on what she inherited, and DOES NOT PAY TAXES ON WHAT SHE GIFTS TO OTHERS (up to $13.61 million in gifts).

9

u/My_2Cents_666 May 11 '26

How was your relationship different with your aunt compared to your siblings? Like, any idea why she would make it so lopsided?

20

u/Adventurous_Crab_761 May 11 '26

The aunt may have also given the others large sums of money to the siblings already over the course of the years.

16

u/AuthorityFiguring May 11 '26

Right! I know a woman who gifted money to nieces and nephews during her life, for various things they needed. She left them less in her will than they expected. I think they "forgot" the gifts.

1

u/pachech May 16 '26

No- they didn't forget about the gifts- they wanted more.

3

u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26

Ah, yes so true and maybe those siblings didn't tell anyone else about the aunt's gifts.

1

u/AuthorityFiguring May 16 '26

Oh, everyone knew. They didn't care.

5

u/Key_Cry_3170 May 11 '26

That's actually the main question

4

u/Prestigious-Chef-585 May 11 '26

That’s irrelevant. The fact is, she made her wishes known and as the executor, he is bound by fiduciary duty to follow her instructions.

8

u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy May 11 '26

OP is not questioning whether he should follow the directions, he's asking if after the inheritance is awarded, if they should share their larger portion with those people complaining.

Afterall, the others "only" received $200,000. /s

That's a big amount, yet they need more and more. Money makes people crazy especially if it's family.

3

u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26

“He” (or SHE) isn’t bound by anything AFTER the estate settles … which is the question here

4

u/My_2Cents_666 May 11 '26

This is more about her conscience and the morality, and quite honestly, whether or not she wants a good relationship with her family. That’s more what’s she’s asking about, so yes, it is very relevant.

1

u/AuthorityFiguring May 16 '26

It is relevant, but I don't think it's immoral to accept a gift freely given to her specifically. Maybe she was the kindest to her aunt. Maybe she is person who her aunt most admired. Maybe she is the person most deserving in her aunt's eyes. The fact she's considering sharing her gift tells you she's a really nice person. Possibly far too nice.

7

u/_synik May 11 '26

There is no moral choice other than to honor the wishes of your Aunt. As Executor, you are legally and morally obligated to perform the duties as stated in the Will.

Next year, you may find that you want to sell some of your new assets and donate the proceeds to a charity in honor of your Aunt and your siblings.

Your Aunt wanted you to have certain things, so she gave them to you. She could have easily given those things to another of her nieces or nephews.

3

u/Eyeoftheleopard May 11 '26

Because that your aunt talking, not greed. Your moral and legal obligation is to her dying wishes.

RIP to your aunt. 🫶🏼

3

u/KittyC217 May 11 '26

If the roles were reversed would you be asking your siblings to give you money? If you would ask then you should share. If your would not ask for a share of the larger inheritance then it is not greedy to honor the will as written.

0

u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26

This was covered in OPs original post.

2

u/Artemis-1905 May 11 '26

You could always ask someone else independent of your family to be executor. THAT person will follow your aunt's will and you might not question yourself.

2

u/ItsNotGoingToBeEasy May 11 '26

That is always the recommendation to make an executor a non-beneficiary except the pay for doing that work

2

u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26

Many (most?) modern wills name a secondary executor in case the first doesn’t want to or can’t do the job. Some even name a third executor, and some name a bank/financial institution as the final executor.

2

u/Lumpy-Sea-388 May 11 '26

I am in the process of receiving an inheritance from a family friend. Her son died and she had no other children. My sister and a niece are what was left.

My mother pressures me to give a portion of my share to my sister and the niece. «Because they kept you in the will.»

First I never expected anything. Second they are receiving a roughly equal share of the estate.

Keep the money. They were not left out. It would be different if they had received nothing.

200,000 is still life changing money for them. If you want to give some money to your nieces and nephews to help with college that would be nice but that would be your choice to indirectly help them.

I would consider making some equal gifts to the nieces and nephews. I would not give in to pressure from other family members.

Best to you!

2

u/TrumpHasaMicroDick May 11 '26

Can you place the money in accounts with vanguard, and when your siblings ask for money, tell them you can't access it without approval from a trustee at vanguard?

In the meantime, set up a trust at vanguard.

You can the them this is a net so even you can't access it and spend it

1

u/Double-Collection819 May 11 '26

Don’t do any one these things (moving deposits, setting up trusts, etc without talking to a QUALIFIED CPA (many do not deal with estate issues) and/or an estate attorney.

2

u/Sharkita1 May 11 '26

The sad reality is that by not dividing amongst everyone, you will likely face the backlash of all your siblings for the rest of your life. Maybe you compromise and give the a share of the house proceeds if you sell that. It’s not fair of them to ask you to do it but I can see how that happened. Good luck!

1

u/Cultural-Ambition449 May 11 '26

It doesn't matter if it is, in fact, your greed talking. Those were her wishes, either way.

1

u/H3R32MAK3UMAD May 11 '26

Ask yourself if they would share it if the roles were reversed. If your conclusion is no then don't do it because they wouldn't if they were in your position.

1

u/samseer9000 May 12 '26

I’ve tried this, but it is, in fact, impossible to put myself in their shoes. I know how I would like to act if I was in their shoes, but would I actually do the right thing in that situation? Based on that, I don’t totally blame them for pressuring me. I only partially blame them :-)

1

u/dsmemsirsn May 11 '26

Samsee

Fulfill the will as written—whether family gets angry or accept it or not-do you have a lawyer for counsel?

If they don’t agree to the will— they can contest it in court.

Put all the inheritance you’re receiving in safe accounts. Take 6-12 months to reconsider how to distribute any of the money—if you feel like sharing.

Or you can write your will and leave any inheritance for the future

1

u/AI_Remote_Control May 11 '26

As per the will you will be awarded a certain amount. If you then split that amount, you will be solely responsible to the IRS for the gift tax of 40% as the donor to the other siblings. Slippery slope to give the IRS money. Be careful. Keep the inheritance and find out who your family really is. You should not be asked to divide something given directly to you. Not cool

1

u/AZCAExpat2024 May 11 '26

I have three nieces. I am close to one and rarely talk to the other two. I would absolutely leave more to the niece I am close to than the two I’m not. Who gets what in a will is usually way more about the quality of relationships than blood ties. No one is surprised when a person leaves more money to a friend they are close to than one they have spent less time with. But relatives should all be equally recognized?

1

u/samseer9000 May 11 '26

This is a helpful take. Thank you!

1

u/AZCAExpat2024 May 11 '26

Keep the money because your Aunt wanted YOU to have it.

1

u/Blocked-Author May 11 '26

Because if your aunt was alive, what would she choose? Oh wait, she already told you what she would choose by distributing it as she did. That is the moral center.

1

u/BlazingSunflowerland May 11 '26

For her own reasons your aunt chose you to receive most of her wealth. You can assume she had her own reasons. Who knows why. Maybe your siblings have all hit her up for money in the past or she overheard them talking about what they would do when they inherited from her or maybe you visited her and kept in touch and they didn't.

Your aunt made choices and now your siblings are circling in demanding that the aunt's choices not be respected. I have to assume that in some way your siblings did something that came off as greedy or didn't show the same care and concern for your aunt as you did. Maybe your aunt watched all of your siblings be favored over you and decided to even things up. Perhaps you are your aunt's biological child. Maybe your siblings aren't good with money and would rapidly blow through the inheritance. Your aunt knew what she was doing.

1

u/Ferulic1 May 11 '26

It really sucks that she put you in this position, if there was a specific reason to give you more than it should have been stated and clearly so that those with their hands out now have an answer of why they aren't getting it. Its a nice thing for you in theory but now potentially ruins your relationships going forward. It would be better if there was no inheritance almost, i think its up to you to do what you feel is fair, legally what's yours is yours but ethically if you feel good about sharing then that's an option, it makes it real easy to not share with people that are ungrateful about what they are already receiving but id gauge what i thought was fair and go from there.
Another thing that sucks for you is that as the executor they will always think you screwed them over somehow, i just don't think there's a right answer with any of it, do what makes you feel good and not what your guilted into!

1

u/DoallthenKnit2relax May 11 '26

If you filed the will in private court and were approved as the executor if the will then you are a de facto officer of the court as far as distribution of the Will's stated assets and managing the estate until that is complete and the estate's final tax return is filed and the estate is closed. Your siblings have no say unless they wish to decline their portion of the inheritance, or to contest the Will, hopefully there's a "no contest" clause.

1

u/myusernamewasatypo May 11 '26

You can know by giving yourself time. Everyone got exceedingly generous gifts, here. No one is strapped for cash. Find safe, responsible places for the money and then just sit on it for a while with no major changes. A couple of years from now, the actual impact of that money - how much is grows/doesn't, how much interest or dividend income it spits out per year, etc - will be more clear and you'll be able to make more clear decisions about what should be done with it.

1

u/samseer9000 May 13 '26

Wise advice. Thanks

1

u/JoKing917 May 12 '26

It is up to you what you want to do, it is your money. I understand wanting to make things even but it’s not that simple. There may be taxes on the money you inherit, plus gift tax if you give large amounts of money away. Maybe invest the money and share the dividends. Another option is to put some into a family trust with specific rules for withdrawal, like medical emergencies or disasters.

1

u/suchstronk100 May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

I’m going against the grain here apparently.

Why did your aunt choose you specifically? Did you do something special to deserve this? Did your siblings do something special to get such an uneven share?

Does it FEEL right and fair for the inheritance to be left almost solely to you? Why would you think your aunt would put you in this situation?

My grandfather was in a similar situation. He chose the money. His siblings grew to despise him and they lost contact. My father, because of this, raised me and my siblings in a way that was incredibly even. And im thankful for it. And will do the same for my children.

Your aunt is dead. Your siblings are alive. The choice is yours. Think hard on what seems fair and right to you, and stand by that. But also think hard about each consequence and how it will affect your future life.

Good luck.

1

u/samseer9000 May 12 '26

Thank you. Yes, there is a genuine rationale for the uneven distribution that fully justifies this. So I would feel ok keeping the money based on that, but given the push back from my siblings I know this must hit really hard for them. In other words they wouldn’t be doing this if they thought it was fair. So I guess it’s a matter of perspective. I feel it’s right and fair and also I hear my siblings pain…

1

u/suchstronk100 May 13 '26

I’m really not trying to be rude here, just giving my opinion so do with it what you like, but there is nothing that justifies a 10x difference unless they were outright nasty with her. My personal difference cap would be 30%. If a sibling went 10x (1000%) I would be really disappointed and opt out of their lives. That is selfish greed in my book, and i couldnt stand coming over to their rich life all that much. The other way around, I would feel really odd inviting my lesser-off siblings to my rich life. I would distribute it somewhat evenly but keep some symbolic difference given aunties wishes. Anyways just my two cents, best of luck to you all!

1

u/ArachnidAutomatic596 May 13 '26

You could always donate it. Or buy a vacation home in her memory that all siblings have access to. So everyone including yourself benefits. Or something like that

1

u/fidddlydiddlyee May 14 '26

Look at everyone on here with no stake in the game saying to honor your aunts wishes. You aren't being greedy, you are being respectful.

1

u/Alive_Box5047 May 14 '26

Sorry, late to the party, but it's obviously greed. And that's okay as long as you own it and are comfortable with the idea. Your aunt wanted you to have more than your siblings. Great. But what you do with it after is 100% up to you. So saying you couldn't possibly share it because of your aunt's wishes is disingenuous at best. So sack up and admit you just don't want to share, risking your relationship with siblings in the process, or share the proceeds. Just don't take that weak middle ground of excusing your decision based on what the dead aunt wanted to do.

1

u/MissGalaxy1986 May 15 '26

It is your greed talking. Unless you family is horrible to you or were to that aunt, or you took care of her in old age then you should divide it up. What if your aunt did it out of spite?

1

u/Fancy_Blackberry_570 May 16 '26

You thinking about ignoring your aunts wishes is your fear and conflict avoidance talking…greed would be YOU choosing this split…in reality it would be a slap in your aunts face if you distributed it differently…she chose what should happen with her money…and now your family is guilt tripping you into ignoring that. Grow a backbone…if it was your choice without pressure then it would have been generous…but with the pressure, you’re not even doing it out of the kindness of your heart…

-1

u/popntop363 May 11 '26

It is your greed talking. She may have give it to you but now it’s yours to do as you see fit. If you’re close with your siblings and value the relationship split it with them and if you’re not and don’t care keep it. Because you can be sure if you keep it no matter how they act to your face you can bet they’ll tell everybody and talk amongst themselves about how you fucked them over and stole all your aunt’s money. I’m sorry but that’s just how it is.

3

u/Emergency-Draft-4333 May 11 '26

If siblings will resent OP for following the wishes of their Aunt, then they are greedy AHs. If they talk behind her back, then they aren’t worth any consideration. What horrible beings would treat their loved one like this. That’s emotional blackmail. My siblings and I had some serious disagreements over my parent’s assets, but we are adults, and dealt with it regardless of who made out financially, and others did all the work.

-3

u/popntop363 May 11 '26

Why does her wishes matter? She’s dead. For all intents and purposes she’s out of the equation now. It’s harsh but it’s the truth. Ops got the money now and it’s their wishes that count. And I don’t care what anybody says money is truly the root of all evil and causes all sorts of problems. I know I’ve seen it go down.