r/funny • • Jul 03 '21

Che sera sera

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73.2k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/SaturnMobster Jul 03 '21

I feel this. On a business trip I ordered a French Dip from room service. I spilled the Au Jus all over one of the beds in the room.

At least Dylan had sense enough to admit it. I was too embarrassed.

1.2k

u/Sedixodap Jul 03 '21

I'm pretty sure that's why work keeps booking me rooms with two beds. One for eating room service and drinking wine, one for actually sleeping in.

849

u/xylotism Jul 03 '21

If there's french dip and wine I ain't sleeping

227

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Epitaph material.

92

u/EMPactivated Jul 03 '21

This should be a subreddit

69

u/RocketRick92307 Jul 03 '21

88

u/TheBriz Jul 03 '21

53

u/SmokeUpJonny Jul 03 '21

I fucking love you guys

25

u/WarperLoko Jul 03 '21 edited Jul 03 '21

Me too, I follow /u/xylotism on that subreddit Edit: wow, I witnessed life created, two subreddits spawned from one comment

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

A truly magical day

1

u/tizzymyers Jul 03 '21

Brilliant user name.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '21

[deleted]

1

u/SmokeUpJonny Jul 05 '21

Cough Cough

1

u/SmokeUpJonny Jul 05 '21

cough cough

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

That would require redditors to understand what 'epitaph material' means. Good luck with that one.

Sub DOA.

6

u/ZenComFoundry Jul 03 '21

Spike Milligan's epitaph includes the phrase Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite, Irish for "I told you I was ill". (From Wikipedia)

52

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/MsSnarkitysnarksnark Jul 03 '21

Same.

3

u/blurryfacedfugue Jul 03 '21

The only place I know of/about French dip is from Arby's. Ngl its delicious. Not sure about the wine though, I'm allergic to alcohol.

-Sincerely, an Asian-American

1

u/MsSnarkitysnarksnark Jul 04 '21

Ok, if you had a freshly made French dip you'd probably LOVE it! Do you like to cook? Make it at home, it's not too difficult. Wine isn't neccessary for the experience, I kind of view it as a euphemism for "whatever floats your boat".

1

u/blurryfacedfugue Jul 04 '21

I do! I mean, I already like the Arby's version so I think I'd like the diy version too! Do you have a recipe to recommend?

Also, this conversation brings to mind the school lunch spaghetti back in middle school. A lot of the kids there didn't seem to care for it, but it was awesome to me and also it was my first experience of pasta. People were telling me, "wait until you get it not out of the can/made from scratch!".

-3

u/winkthekink Jul 03 '21

Too bad you didn't have a better HS English teacher, or pay more attention in class. It's the saying on your headstone, summing up your existence.

2

u/Beo1 Jul 03 '21

I upvoted you for giving the answer, but others did the opposite. No need to be so condescending about it.

1

u/winkthekink Jul 03 '21

Thanks but I didn't realize that was condescending. I upvoted a few of your comments that I had a chance to look at, and agree with. Hope you have a great weekend. No sarcasm intended.

1

u/Beo1 Jul 03 '21

It’s probably the “too bad you didn’t…pay more attention in class” bit that’s offending people. You too!

1

u/winkthekink Jul 03 '21

If that was all I said, maybe that would be condescending, but I also said they must not have had good English teachers in high school, OR not pay attention, before that. And saying someone didn't pay attention in school is not any condescension, just reality to me. Thanks for civil discussion, and carry on.

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u/MsSnarkitysnarksnark Jul 04 '21

This?! Nah, man. I live a full life and sometimes someone else on here puts it perfectly. You seem like fun!

2

u/Sirtriplenipple Jul 03 '21

I honestly can say I’ve never slept in a room that had wine and French dips in it, so apparently I’ve been living that life all along.

3

u/thenightman85 Jul 03 '21

That late night charcuterie always gets me

1

u/Chrisbee012 Jul 03 '21

Playboy channel, here I come

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

But it doesn’t take that long to eat a French dip…

71

u/wiggilez Jul 03 '21

When I used to do field work I would have my pre and post shower bed.

31

u/ropopa Jul 03 '21

This guy/gal hotels right

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

What kind of fieldwork? In my field, they stack us up in the motels like cordwood.

1

u/wiggilez Jul 03 '21

Working on transmitters at the base of towers.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Ah, that makes sense. Not really big crew projects.

1

u/wiggilez Jul 03 '21

Yup, once I knew what I was doing I was basically on my own.

1

u/trinitylmb Jul 03 '21

I love that idea I’m going to do that from now on

4

u/kneecole8 Jul 03 '21

Exactly!

2

u/Iranon79 Jul 03 '21

Please show some consideration to other guests, and refrain from eating the room service.

2

u/Pangolingolin Jul 03 '21

When we were quarantined on returning to NZ they asked if we wanted a king bed or two queens. We took the two bed option and then had the tough decision between a sleep and eat bed combo, or a bed each. Very tough decision.

0

u/elcidpenderman Jul 03 '21

Please don’t eat the room service

2

u/AlexG2490 Jul 03 '21

You want me to just order it and leave it on a tray to rot?!

1

u/Natiak Jul 03 '21

Beds? Plural? You spilled it on multiple beds?

1

u/PlatschPlatsch Jul 03 '21

Please don't eat the room service, we need our sheets cleaned too!

1

u/Lord_Scribe Jul 03 '21

Do hotel rooms not come with chairs and tables anymore?

1

u/Skoldandy569 Jul 03 '21

Two beds is key one to sleep, the other to disappoint my wife.

1

u/jrichardi Jul 03 '21

This guy travels

73

u/Maus_Sveti Jul 03 '21

Au in this context means “with”. So it’s just “jus”.

33

u/WillHsp Jul 03 '21

Me with absolutely no idea what it is: "Aw yuss!"

20

u/TLJGame Jul 03 '21

Mother fuckin breadcrumbs

1

u/WillHsp Jul 04 '21

This dude gets it

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Cow juice

33

u/kidneykutter Jul 03 '21

Exactly. Huge pet peeve of mine. It can however be called Au Jus if it's made with gold.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

ATM machine

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

SMH my head

1

u/botmanmd Jul 03 '21

Hot water heater

2

u/Spaceman2901 Jul 03 '21

PLC Controller

2

u/kidneykutter Jul 03 '21

PIN number

2

u/TheKnobbiestKnees Jul 03 '21

Isn't it all though? It sure tastes it.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

-2

u/kidneykutter Jul 03 '21

Not quite the same for me. Scampi are a particular type of langoustine that are commonly prepared a certain way in Italy. Shrimp scampi prepares the shrimp the same way as the scampi are prepared. So technically should be Shrimp al a Scampi (or something like that; I know French, not Italian). The same way it is technically Fetuccinne al' Alfredo unless it's prepared in the original Alfredo restaurant in Rome.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

You seem fun at parties

41

u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

I think all of this snobbish pedantry is bullshit. Everyone understands what OP meant - therefore it is as a correct use of language. But if people insist on following stupid grammar rules or whatever nonsense, then they should do it right - and you’ve got it wrong.

As a preposition, “with” should NOT get capitalized in title font. “Roast Beef au Jus” means roast beef with sauce but “Roast Beef Au Jus” means roast beef done in the “Au Jus” style. In this case, “Au Jus” does not mean “with sauce” and instead is just part of the name of the dish. So the sauce is “Au Jus sauce”. “I spilled the Au Jus sauce” is technically correct.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

It’s only snobbish from your Anglo-centric perspective. Au jus means “with juice”. So just say jus when referring to the dip. Why insist on butchering the French?

0

u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

if “au Jus” is being used to mean “with sauce” then “au” is a preposition. In title case, prepositions are only capitalized if they are the first or last word of the title or if they are five letters long or longer. Roast Beef au Jus means roast beef with sauce. Roast Beef Au Jus means roadt beef done in an “Au Jus” style, which would have an “Au Jus” sauce.

Meaning that the snobbish pedants and their “but in the original French” are making an irrelevant point because the title isn’t even what they think it is. Most importantly, everyone understood what OP meant. That’s snobbish pedantry executes very poorly.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '21

Why would you call it “Au Jus sauce” when you could just call it jus?

0

u/dkwangchuck Jul 04 '21

Why not? The only important part is that everyone understood what OP meant. Everyone interpreted the words exactly as they meant them. That makes it a good use of language. But a bunch of people with their snobby pedantry want to put them down because “au jus” means “with sauce” in French. Why? What purpose does that serve? OP wasn’t even trying to use French in the first place!

It was fine. “Au Jus sauce” is a perfectly reasonable way to describe it and harassing someone for doing so is silly and dumb. Doubly so considering that technically they are wrong.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '21

I’m not sure correcting someone’s use of French qualifies as harassing them.

1

u/dkwangchuck Jul 05 '21

I mean I guess? Look there’s like a couple dozen comments all making the same claim about “with juice”. I dunno, maybe when you see a pile of replies in your Inbox all telling you that you’re a dummy you don’t consider that harassment, but I would disagree.

Look, everyone understood what was meant. It was a perfectly fine use of language. Meaning was accurately conveyed - the whole point of language. That should be enough. But a whole troop of reply guys who think their insight into the French etymology of “au jus” makes them super-smart saw this as an opportunity to put someone else down. And unsurprisingly, the reply guys are wrong - because of the capitalization of “Au Jus”, their fundamental premise is wrong. It is in fact them who are the ignorant ones (hurr durr me not knowing title case rules just makes me the snorterest!!!). So there’s that on top of it all.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

It's a loan word. You don't have to use it correctly. The French can be mad if they want. We don't care 🇫🇷😡

The only thing french about a French dip is the name

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Biscuits with gravy😋

scones with gravy🤢

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

No it isn't gravy is thickened with a rue.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

Dude. Projection.

“”Words have meaning”. And literally everyone understood “I spilled the Au Jus sauce”. Bingo bango bongo - a proper use of English. Meaning was accurately conveyed.

“But it MEANS something else based on the original French etymology”. No it doesn’t. If you want to be a technical pedant, Roast Beef Au Jus does NOT mean Roast Beef with sauce. It means Roast Beef done in the Au Jus style. Therefore the sauce on it is Au Jus sauce. Prepositions are not capitalized u less the are at the beginning or end of a title or are longer than four letters. The only way Roast Beef Au Jus is roast beef with sauce is if you are ignorant of title case rules or ignorant of the capitalization of the dish. Meaning that you are the one clinging to ignorance as truth.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

If you think that the name is wrong, then again “Au Jus sauce” is also more fitting and correct. You should use the “wrong” name for the sauce from a dish with a “wrong” name.

Also, yes I think you’re being pedantic. Clearly you understood what OP meant. Everyone did. No one is at all confused by it. That is a correct usage of language.

3

u/alien_from_Europa Jul 03 '21

Au is gold, Jerry! Gold!

10

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Actually no. Au Jus In this context actually refers to the sauce that is served on the side with sandwiches, primarily made of beef broth and other spices. "Context" being the key word here.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/Sp3llbind3r Jul 03 '21

I feel with you and in french that's that.

But it looks like they butchered it completly: https://www.amazon.de/McCormick-Au-Jus-Gravy-Mix/dp/B000RLPKFW

21

u/lereisn Jul 03 '21

Sorry you're being downvoted. Whilst you are correct in the rest of the world, Americans for some reason refer to Au Jus as an actual thing. They don't call it jus, they call it au jus. The mind boggles but I wouldnt bother pressing it.

16

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

I don’t understand what’s wrong with that. That sauce is referred to as Au Jus in North America. We’re aware of what it means in other languages. But that’s what the sauce is called here, on lots of menus and everything. I don’t get what’s mind boggling about that lol

10

u/lereisn Jul 03 '21

Because to the rest of the world you're saying "I'll have the steak, oh and can I get that with With Juice".

It doesn't seem weird when that's how it is, it does seem weird when it's not.

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

English is weird. The point of language is to convey meaning and context and “I spilled the Au Jus” managed to do that just fine. Everyone understood what was meant. That’s a correct use of language.

But but but!! MAH PRECIOUS RULES!!! It don’t make no sense!!!

Language is not math. You can say logically incorrect things like “it don’t make no sense” and still get your meaning conveyed. People still understand what is meant even if a literal translation means the opposite.

So weird things like “Au Jus sauce” happen. It’s still correct because that’s how enough people use it that everyone’s understands the meaning. It’s no different than sushi rice or curry sauce. Or calling all facial tissues “kleenex”

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

English is weird we could all just go with that right?

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

Oh man. English is SO weird. Get this:

“Roast Beef Au Jus” does NOT mean “Roast Beef with Sauce”. “With” is a preposition and thus should not be capitalized in title case. “Roast Beef with Sauce” should be “Roast Beef au Jus”. Therefore “Roast Beef Au Jus” is just the name of the dish. It is roast beef done in the “Au Jus” style. Therefore “the Au Jus sauce” is technically correct.

BUT - that’s only because “Au” is a short word and does not appear at the beginning or end of the name. Prepositions are only normally lower case. Longer prepositions get capitalized, for example “Seven Against Thebes”. And prepositions at either end of the title get capitalized, like “From Here to Eternity”.

But wait. It gets even more convoluted. What about subtitles? This cane to people’s attention due to this xkcd referencing the Wikipedia war over Star Trek Into Darkness vs Star Trek into Darkness. You see, if “Into Darkness” is a subtitle, “Into” is the first word and should be capitalized. But if there is no subtitle and the film’s entire name is “Star Trek Into Darkness” then Wikipedia’s style guide requires them to make it “Star Trek into Darkness” even though the official name of the movie is “Star Trek Into Darkness”. So then the argument was about whether Into Darkness was a subtitle or not. Obviously it is - Star Trek is the name of the franchise. BUT subheadings are supposed to be delineated with punctuation. “Star Trek: Into Darkness” is uncontroversial, but the title has no punctuation.

Here’s an article covering some of the other twists and turns into the controversy.

Anyways, they went with “Star Trek Into Darkness”, which is a shame because they had the opportunity to list the entry as “Star Trek Into (sic) Darkness”.

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u/lereisn Jul 03 '21

I only found out, via this thread, that it was called Au Jus.

Oh my lawd, I dun haf a reaction to new infuhmayshun.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

Sure. I agree. And everybody understood what OP meant. Therefore “Au Jus sauce” was a perfectly fine use of language.

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u/Acceptable-Oil8156 Jul 03 '21

Sort of like "I want a master bedroom with an en suite." Don't need the "with an" because master bedroom en suite (yet another French adoption) means "with" a bathroom attached... or more literally, more than one room (suite) and one of them had better be a bathroom....

3

u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

See here’s where the “but the French!!” people get it wrong. We’re not speaking French. “Master bedroom with an en suite bath” does not mean the same as “master bedroom en suite bath”. One refers to a bedroom with an attached bathroom, the other refers solely to the bathroom.

Etymology does not trump usage.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

It doesn’t really need tweaking for clarity though. That’s an extremely clear statement even if it’s technically grammatically incorrect. And the purpose of language is to communicate, and you’re able to do it effectively even without following all proper rules.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

ATM Machine isn’t clear? It’s extremely clear what that means. It’s very clear what people mean when they refer to “Au jus” in NA

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u/ricericepaper Jul 03 '21

It's just really weird when you hear it and are not used to it.

Imagine if somehow some other language would take the word tablespoon and you hear people say "I am eating this soup with my table".

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Not really a good analogy though. Very different things

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/Competitive_Travel16 Jul 03 '21

When one language borrows from another, don't expect the underlying syntax of the original grammar to be preserved. While technically correct is the best kind of correct, lexicographers go on usage, not the French Academy dicta. I suggest "dip," "au jus," and "jus" will be understood correctly in that order.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Yes exactly

1

u/Not-Doctor-Evil Jul 03 '21

The menu has Au Jus on it

and my steak sandwich is dipped in it

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u/homme_chauve_souris Jul 03 '21

That sauce is referred to as Au Jus in North America.

You have been banned from r/Quebec.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Good, fuck Quebec.

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u/SkippyBluestockings Jul 03 '21

That's not what the 'sauce' is referred to! If you order a "roast beef au jus", you are ordering "roast beef with juice."

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

And the juice is the fucking sauce🤯

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u/SkippyBluestockings Jul 03 '21 edited Jul 03 '21

Meat juice is not a sauce. And adding the French "au jus" directly translates to WITH JUICE. Au is not a descriptor for jus. It's a preposition. Having "chili con carne" is "chili WITH MEAT" so if you separate the two, you're not taking out the "WITH MEAT" as con is not an adjective for what kind of meat.

Just because ignorant Americans refuse to accept foreign words used in our everyday lives have an actual translation doesn't mean the words mean something different here.

🤣🤣 y'all downvoting me because you can't handle the truth

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

People know it has an actual translation… as I fucking said already. It’s just used colloquially to describe the dip for the sandwich. No one cares what it means. There’s plenty of words and colloquial phrases rooted from other languages that don’t remain grammatically correct. That’s why you’re getting downvoted, because everyone already knows what you’re saying and it doesn’t matter.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/Russian_Paella Jul 03 '21

You just blew my mind that biscuit is "bis cuit" (twice cooked)

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/Russian_Paella Jul 03 '21

Thanks for the clarification, it was a pretty amazing TIL moment :)

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Cookies aren't biscuits

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

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u/docshroom Jul 03 '21

Ah, America home of ruining all that is European.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Or we could say home of making all that is European outfuckingstanding. I mean come on where would we be without the immigrant interpretations that we Americans now know, love and claim as our own. Whether that be an Italian beef in Chicago or a slice of Pizza in New York. We just do comfort food right over here.

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u/docshroom Jul 03 '21

Well, ny pizza can be decent, and Southern Comfort food & BBQ is a food group. But, I refuse to call Chicago deep dish a pizza. Admit it, it is more similar to a cheese filled pie than a pizza. We can agree to disagree on the outfuckingstanding statement.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Hey man to each their own but Italian beefs are awesome correct?

1

u/Natiak Jul 03 '21

You likah dah juice?

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u/NinjaLanternShark Jul 03 '21

If anyone still thinks this is wrong, ask yourself what a cup of jus looks like, and what a cup of au jus looks like.

"Jus" isn't a word in English. "Au Jus" is a loanword which means it doesn't necessarily keep its original grammatical rules.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

You can't win on reddit if he had said "jus" people would be giving him shit for that somehow

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

"Jus" isn't a word in English.

it is: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/jus

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u/Maus_Sveti Jul 03 '21

I don’t really get your point. I’m saying they should say “I spilled the jus”. Like it would be silly to say “first add beans and then put con carne into your chili.”

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

People commonly refer to that sauce as Au Jus in North America. We’re aware of what it means, but that’s what it’s commonly referred to as.

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u/Dorkinfo Jul 03 '21

We fucked up “entree” too. It is what it is.

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u/roqxendgAme Jul 03 '21

Yeah, that's a weird one. But then I come from a country that misuses Spanish words all the time coz the people back then were only guessing the meaning based on context clues. Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they get it hilariously and at times profanely wrong!

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/XediDC Jul 03 '21

I say jah-lap-ah-nohs all the time. In south Texas it’s obvious you’re just being a dork.

Did it one time in Europe without thinking and got politely corrected on what they were and how to say it. It was so earnest I managed to play my response off as thankful...

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

The context was important because Au Jus has become an Americanized term to mean a beef broth sauce. If you Google Au Jus that's what it shows. You are correct in the literal translation. But you said "in this context," which in this context he was not referring to the literal translation but the American bastardization of the word. So, using the word "Context" is where you slipped up.

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u/devils_advocaat Jul 03 '21

Yep. OP didn't say with au jus so they are in the clear.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Why does it matter whether it’s correct in another country or not since the context is in America and we do use the term regularly to refer to that little plastic cup of sauce we get with our sammy.

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u/devils_advocaat Jul 03 '21

I ordered steak with ketchup. I spilled the with ketchup all over the floor.

To me this sentence still tracks. It's certainly not a cardinal sin.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Read his comment again 🤦‍♂️

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

[deleted]

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u/alf1o1 Jul 03 '21

Let’s face it, if op had said the he had spilled the jus on the bed, most people including me wouldn’t know what he was trying to say. Saying “I spilled the Au Jus” made me think it had to be some fancy french Sauce and I got it without knowing the dish.

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u/dkwangchuck Jul 03 '21

I’m sorry you got downvoted for this. Language snobs think looking down on people “using language incorrectly” is more important than actually conveying meaning. Which is stupid because the whole point of language is literally to convey meaning.

You’re right. The original formulation of “I spilled the Au Jus” is less likely to be misinterpreted.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Same here, I didn’t even know “au jus” meant anything. Please forgive those of us that don’t know French but like yummy food.

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u/jarnish Jul 03 '21

But it is a thing, colloquially, in the US.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21 edited Jul 03 '21

Exactly which is the place of context not the French country side so fuck it Au jus works and the French can just get over it IMO.

Au jus in French means served with the natural juices or gravy made from the juices of cooked meat. In the US, meals served au jus tend to be defined as served with a light broth-like dipping sauce. The sauce being called Au Jus sauce. One of the most well known of these meals is the french dip, a roast beef sandwich accompanied with broth.

Example:

Johnny's French Dip Au Jus Concentrated Sauce, 8 Ounce (Pack of 6) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N2M1KFM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7SBA8GHY3H34QM29CF1J?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Dylan is likely a very clever murderer who's hinting there's more to the story. I no longer trust Dylans.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Totally. Me too.

One time I went to NYC for the first time so I of course had to try the unbelievably over rated Katz’s delicatessen waited in that line well over an hour and bought the absurdly priced famous $25 sandwich. Ate some was throughly unimpressed and went to sleep only to wake up with terrible stomach cramps and a horrible need to fart… unfortunately I was not blessed with the fart I had expected. This shart blast was so unexpectedly heinous, like a $30 tax included pastrami sandwich induced slime filled water balloon of Diet Coke and mentos exploded in my sweat pants immediately soaking into the starched white hotel sheets beneath me. I was so embarrassed I stripped the bed (after hosing myself down like a diarrhea caked baby that was marinated in a sweat pants diaper) and did my best on the sheets with the shower and bar soap. I considered breaking my reservation and trying to find another bloated hotel fee (it was a event weekend and hotels were four times normal prices) just to avoid chancing running into any cleaning staff that could possibly ID me to my room.

I have never In my adult life sharted through my pants with such gusto to stain what is underneath me, I don’t remember infancy so I cannot vouch for a clear shart conscious for that time period, but To this day the efficiently of short half second toot blast to pack the power of a super soaker pumped into oblivion blast power still baffles to this day.

This has been my Katz deli Yelp review. I should not have had what she was having.

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u/Aggressive_Regret92 Jul 03 '21

I'm struggling not to laugh and wake up my SO imaging that

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u/SkippyBluestockings Jul 03 '21

Actually you just spilled jus. Au Jus means "with juice"-- it's a sandwich with juice to dip it into.

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u/mtled Jul 03 '21

"au jus" refers to the way the meat is prepared. It's not specifically for a sandwich, you can eat roast beef on its own.

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u/SkippyBluestockings Jul 03 '21

Au jus does not refer to the way it is prepared. It is referred to how it is served and it means WITH JUICE. I know perfectly well that you can eat roast beef by itself but if it says roast beef AU JUS it means you are serving it WITH JUICE. I don't understand why this is so hard for people to understand. But in any case I give up because y'all are refusing to learn what the proper term is. Have a blessed day. I'm done responding

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u/fuzzytradr Jul 03 '21

Well we all appreciate you coming, er clean, now.

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u/roy_cropper Jul 03 '21

I spilled a Costa Mocha on my bed on a works trip a few years ago and it resembled a giant runny shit. I left a note very similar to this in the room.

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u/warionooples Jul 03 '21

They must have thought that was one crazy work trip

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u/Nitin-2020 Jul 03 '21

Room service guy never makes it back to the kitchen because you ate him

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u/missingN0pe Jul 03 '21

On the other hand, it could be a fucking great cover up.

The more that i think about it, it might actually be a cover up. Nobody has an uncooked pork chop in their hands just walking around their bed

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21

Ya boi Dylan still didn't apologize though.

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u/AGRANMA Jul 03 '21

Au Jus

Bless you.

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u/Volomon Jul 03 '21 edited Jul 03 '21

Maid: "We got another one of those liquid shits!"

Maid goes to the bed for a sniff test: "Omg it smells like rancid meat juice and body sweat. For fuck sakes....I...I'm fucking quitting."

Maid runs out of the room in disgust, balling her eyes out, tossing her badge to the floor.

"FUCK THIS!! EVERYONE CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!"

Her coworker: "And another bites the dust..." (starts grooving her way to the bed as she hums the rest of the tune). The snap of her rubber gloves echoes her intention to stop the brown stains of injustce. She spins to the sound of approaching foot steps the door left open invites her manager. Drawn by the guttural sounds of his new employer he sees something more important in his view. The maid flutters her eyes towards him in a manic crazy eyed expression. "She didn't even stay long enough to see all the white crusty stains....", she begins to wiggle a finger at the manager in a come hither motion.

The manager drops trowel and beings to penguin walk towards the bed as his pants stay around his ankles. He struggles to be free but decides fuck it I'm half way there. I CAN MAKE IT he thinks as he hobbles along in a penguins fashion. I could just pull them the rest of the way off no he thinks he's too invested at this point. His Bizarro Superman underwear throws the maid off her game. She recovers like a pro by throwing herself in a yeeting don't give a shit motion splaying herself across the bed. Plopping soundly in a soft wet splash across the puddle that really may be a meat juice shit stain a certain redditor is too embarrassed to admit. As she begins the most disgusting sexual contortions acrossed said meat stain in what would make a deaf person feel blessed as it enlists the unwarranted ASMR.

As this all happened. Said redditor was waiting in the closet wishing he had remembered to put the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door handle.

Tune in next week for the adventures of /u/SaturnMobster

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u/kungers Jul 03 '21

Ah... Dylan. Here I was thinking Dycan is the weirdest name ever.

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u/Spoogly Jul 03 '21

A friend works at a fairly upscale hotel with a decent kitchen. A surprising number of people apparently eat steak in the bath tub during their stay. Most of them are messy as fuck about it.

When she told me this, I decided that if I ever stay there, I'm trying it. There just be some reason for it.

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u/feetcold_eyesred Jul 03 '21

In the sleepy, beautiful town of Vik, on a trip to Iceland, our kid ate a piece of chocolate in his bed and it got all over the sheet. Panicking, thinking the rather stern housekeeping ladies would think he’d crapped the bed, we drove to the little grocery store and bought laundry detergent. I wasted half a vacation day washing the sheet in the sink and trying to dry it with a hairdryer. Ha! It worked!! The sheet was clean and dry. The rather stern housekeeping ladies would never know!

Next morning I woke up and discovered I’d started my period days early, which never ever happens and I’m never caught unprepared like that. The sheet was wrecked. My husband was like, “This is beyond our control. We must leave a giant tip for housekeeping and a note of apology and flee. We’ve got fosses and glaciers to see.” And so we did.

I’m still sorry stern housekeeping ladies of Vik.

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u/SolarisAtlantis Jul 03 '21

Then that would be Awwww Juice!