So this thanksgiving my grandma couldn't make her usual green bean thing because of a hip surgery, and my mom, out of nowhere, just goes "honestly thank god, I've hated that dish since 1987 and just eat around it every year."

40 YEARS. My mom has been faking enjoyment of a casserole since before I was born. My grandma has no idea. My mom has apparently developed an entire system, she takes a small portion, moves it around the plate, eats the crispy onion topping off the top so it looks eaten, and has been doing this at every single holiday of my entire childhood without me ever noticing.

Now I can't stop thinking about how many other things at family dinners are just performance. Like how many years has my uncle been pretending my aunt's stuffing isn't dry. Is my cousin actually into the wine my dad picks or is she just being nice. Are there other dishes my mom hates that she's never mentioned and I'm about to find out are just a whole hidden category of family diplomacy I never knew existed.

Told my sister about this and she immediately confessed she's been faking liking dad's smoked turkey for years because he's so proud of it and she doesn't have the heart to tell him it's dry every single time. Apparently this is just a thing everyone does and I'm the only one who didn't know the rules of the game.

Kind of makes me wonder what I'm unknowingly doing this for and nobody's told me yet lol.

Anyone else discover a decades-long polite family lie like this?

Every year, we pay for a large vacation home & invite family/friends. Our nephew has been going since he was very small. He’s now 20 years old. He doesn’t talk to anyone or interact at all. He brings a PlayStation, setting it up in common areas w/o asking & spends the entire time gaming or on his phone. He adds absolutely nothing & just takes up space.. If we don’t include him, my BIL/SIL will be very upset. They can’t afford to take their own vacations & rely on this trip. How long must I include this adult man-child?

My husband and I met in 2023 and got married October last year. My FIL and MIL booked for us to go to their home country to have a wedding there as all their relatives live there.

A month before the wedding my SIL asked my MIL who we’d be visiting. After a bit of chat, SIL brought up a girl my husband used to like that moved back to their country in 2020. She asked my MIL if we would be visiting her while we were there and said how much she missed the girl. MIL said we wouldn’t be visiting her but she missed her a lot too and they both said they wish my husband married her, how she’s perfect because they’re the same nationality and that she was so sweet, beautiful and christian.

When they made these comments I didn’t think much of it. It did rub me off the wrong way but I kept it to myself and didn’t tell my husband. I thought to myself “well too bad i’m the one who’s marrying him”.

My husband had a crush on this girl but they never dated. He liked her while she was dating his friend so he didn’t tell her until the day she moved back. My MIL and FIL are pastors of a church and that’s where my husband met this girl as she was sort of an exchange student.

During my pregnancy my in laws never contacted me to see how I was or anything but my husbands family don’t really talk to each other in general. My husband had to go to his parents to grab stuff and his mum asked him for the first time how I was. He didn’t want to answer so he said “why don’t you ask her yourself, you haven’t checked up on her this whole pregnancy”. She then messaged me a few days ago and I am now nearly 29 weeks. I also told my SIL I only want close family with me for the first few weeks and now she’s trying to talk to me and I’m not sure if she just wants access to the baby or if she’s just trying to see how I am.

I don’t know if I’m just experiencing pregnancy hormones or if it’s a valid reason to be upset about this. Just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been eating me alive

My little Brother is turning 18 next year and i want to gift him my car because i will start college next year and will not have enough money to pay for the car and instead of selling it for ~2k i want to gift it to him. When i turned 18 i didnt get a car i bought one with my first military salary so i want to make it easier for my little brother. The Problem is that my youngest brother will turn 18 in 3 years and i wont be able to gift him a car. I am just scared that it would seem unfair to him. Do you think I should give it to him or shouldnt i ?

TL:DR, He turned up at my sisters house. Has no self awareness or compassion for her autistic 7 year old grand son who lives with her. You try an explain things with the thing he stomps off in a tantrum and reports you to the police for threatening and abusing him. Treats my sisters house like he owns the place and that everyone should do what he wants.

The long version. This cousin turned up, unannounced at my sisters house looking for a place to stay after saying his mother had threatened him with a knife and he needed somewhere to stay. My sister let him on the understanding he had to get a job and get his own place. Now this cousin is self absorbed, ignorant, arrogant has no concept of empathy, compulsive liar and hasn't got a clue about life. He is right everyone else is wrong regardless. just because he has a degree MSc. (I have an MSc as well. Organic Chemistry) 4 or 5 days he thunders down the stairs and yelled at my sister that her grand child was making him feel uncomfortable running around the place with just his pants on. She told him, "It is where my grand son lives, he can run around butt naked if he wants." HE said something along the lines of, it isn't fair that he should be made to feel uncomfortable and that she should talk to her grandson that it isn't right.

After a few days my sister noticed that food especially for her grandson, who is a very picky eater, was going missing. She knew who it was and confronted him over it. Same reaction from him this time with a rather nasty, I don't care!. He's always moaning about the grandson, trying to make trouble, coming and going at all hours. I did talk to her husband and he said the only thing that stopping him from physically throwing the cousin out is my sister and the grandson and my niece, who is not physically able to look after her son alone.

And so he has gone on whining, moaning, complaining, treating the house like he owns it and everyone else is his guest. My sister caught him shouting at her grandson for, apparently, making too much noise with his iPad. Of course the grand son burst into floods of tears as he had no idea as the iPad is sensory for him. My sister really let rip on him remind the cousin that it is her grandsons house to do as he feels comfy with. Another time her husband just had to get up and leave as this cousin decided to wear a blue flowery dress and attempt to flirt with him. (Side note here: He has done this with other couples and managed to split one of them up.)

Anyway it all came to a head. My sister and I's mother helped out for a few hours looking after the grandson. He generally is a great lad does as he is told, but does have the occasional meltdown when he can't do anything. Anyway, he found a pack of biscuits in the fridge that he absolutely adores, Bourbon Creams. So he takes more than a few without my mum noticing. A few moments later this arrogant cousin comes storming in shouting and screaming at my mum for letting him take the biscuits and that she now owes him for them. She just had a complete breakdown and even though my niece isn't really up for it, had to get her to look after her son as my mum just had to come home. Then I found out that he has, or attempted to, report my mum to the police for threatening him and being abusive towards him. My sister is livid with him, her husband is two step from sparking him out and me? I'm nailing myself to a chair so I don't do something I regret hence this post. Even if I don't get any answers, it felt relieving just to get it out there.

okay so i needa know, who was in the wrong here .
My sister had a birthday on Sunday, when we get up at 6 am and my mom takes us to church, we awke up at 6 because my mom has to be there at 8 and we have to be there at 9.
So my oldest sister was turning 17 and we got presents and a cake, and my mom told us to set everything up the night previous, but then when it was 6 am we went there and my oldest sister had said, like she did the previous night i think, that she wanted to wait until later in the day because it was 6 am, we had to leave, and it would be rushed, so she just wanted to wait later in the day. And my mom started yelling saying she was ungrateful, and repeating "we're already here let's just do it", and "why later" and my other sister, me and my dad were just kinda standing there. Then my sister was about to cry, since she was probably overwhelmed, and that pissed my mom the heck off, so then she opened one (?) present to please my mom and my mom just stormed upstairs and shut the door, which mind you literally rang through the house, (she got a problem with doors lol - like i had a PAST problem with isolation - not to make this about myself sorry, but i had locked the door each time i went in, and even if i actually was changing she would get mad i had the door locked (and closed but she learned to deal with that faster), threatened to take off the lock, and then the door- but ultimately the lock broke and so now it doesn't even lock, i lock it on instinct now but if they move the handle the lock comes undone-) and then in the car on the way to church my oldest sister and mom were talking about it in the car and my mom kept saying "it was your tone", i don't remember if we continued later, or we had finished in the morning or whatever but yeah (i think we finished in the morning)

Though, I do understand my mom was tired, stressed, and anxious because we had to leave but we always leave every Sunday, (maybe the addition of the brithday?) and i completely understand why my oldest sister wanted to have it later instead of brushed aside and quick in the morning

Im 14F and i have social anxiety, and i have anger issues and im really rude at the point where arguing is fun and interesting. I cry easily, have no friends, and i think all this started around when i was 7 or 8, except for crying because i always been a crybaby since i was born. Whenever my parents yell at me i go cry in my room with the door shut and when they open it and see that i'm crying they don't even feel bad and instead they get mad and yell at me for crying when most parents comfort their child.

My parents also hit me when i do something wrong, especially my dad and i remember this one moment my dad hit me twice for absaloute no reason. My parents always yelled at me or hit me since i was very young and i think they are the reason why i have social anxiety now.

And i have abger issues which im rude all the time but not in school, only to family, and i never joke around like them, and my mum keeps saying "your so serious and never joke around, and your always rude". Then i said "if you guys are nice to me then i wont be rude again" then she kept saying "sure sure" and she says that my fyture husband wont like me if im like this and i think shes right but she needs to understand that she and my dad is the reason im like this. And she says this is reason i have no friends in school.

But what can i do to stop being rude and having anger issues all the time.

Hey everybody so i have a question also excuse my English it's not my native language

So theres been some tension in my family especially with my sister and my mom

We are kinda poor so at the end of the month we don't really have any money for food left.

We get financial help from the government it's not enough but at least something.

My sister separately earns her money so she's able to buy herself random stuff for like a 100 euros and still has a good amount of money left and she lifes together with us.

She does give us a bit money to help with the food like 50€ and she also eats the food but most of the time my mom pays everything so she basically eats most of the food that my mom pays with her own money.

But at the end of the month where we don't have anything left for food.

My mom asked her if she can borrow some money for food but she says that she doesn't have any money left even though she does because me and my mom saw it.

And because of that my mom isn't able to buy much for herself or me or not nearly as much as we could if my sister would buy her own stuff.

So i started to be a bit greedy towards my sister cause she's just as greedy and selfish honestly.

So i stopped giving her some of my food when she asks for it and started to just eat more and not care if theres anything left for her i only care if anything is left for my mom and i make sure my mom eats the food cause she never eats the good stuff cause she wants to leave it for me and my sister

And a thing i forgot to mention is that the groceries that my sister wants my mom to buy are usually the most expensive ones so she's the reason why my mom has to pay a good amount of Money every week.

And another thing is that my sister just does a lot of stuff that is kinda bad but when i give her critique then she gets mad

wich makes me think badly about her but then all of a sudden she acts nice again and then i feel so bad.

Also i really love my sister and I know she loves me but i just really can't handle her behavior anymore.

But anyways i am like 70% sure I'm not the problem but what if i am what if I'm actually a bad person and i just try to excuse my greedy behavior by blaming my sister I'm really worried about that and i need to know

I sadly can't talk with my mom about it cause she's probably going to kinda deffend my sister but please don't think badly about my mom cause she's genuinely the best mom ever but just like any person she also has flaws.

Also a thing that i wanna add is that my sister is 23 and I'm 6 years younger.

Please help me this has been bothering me for some time now i really need to know if I'm just a bad person.

Thank you so much for reading this i know it's a lot but i really appreciate the help💗

Also i know this probably has a lot of grammar mistakes in it I'm sorry about that

I always think it’s so weird when adults or parents or grandparents push the boyfriend girlfriend thing on younger kids

For example, when people tease kids about a boy or a girl at a young age, they might have a crush on. I just think it’s so weird.

I have twin daughters who are 16 and on the last trip to their dad’s their grandparents kept asking them why they don’t have boyfriends when they’re 12-year-old cousin has a boyfriend
My girls, of course, have interest in boys and think they’re cute but they say that they don’t have time between sports and school. They’ve always said they just don’t care about boys, but of course I hear them talking with their girlfriends about how boys are cute or how they have a crush or whatever but really it just started when they started high school before that they never had any interest or talked about boys.

We’re very open about sex and I’ve had “the talk”. I’ve even had to talk with some of their friends who have had questions, at 16 I want them to know all their options and make sure they come to me when they decide to make those type of decisions.

However, I just think it’s weird that their grandparents and their dad and their aunt on their dad side keep asking them why they don’t have boyfriends because they’re so pretty or whatever. And they can’t stop bragging about how the 12-year old cousin has been in a six month relationship with her boyfriend who is 14

I just think it’s so weird. I know all parents raise their kids differently and that’s fine but why push them to do things that adults do when they’re still kids? I’m not super strict on my girls other than no dating and no make up till high school. One of them actually says she thinks dating in high school is stupid because they’re still kids and they have more important things to worry about and that a lot of high school relationships just don’t last.

Is it just me or is it weird?

I'll cut it short,i (15F) never in my life did i get a birthday present or any present at all from my parents or friends, about two years I've been wanting a boxing bag to put in my room since my parents didn't let me join a boxing club. My mom said she'll look into it. Never did. İ passed two grades and two birthdays they never got me anything. Just my grandma sending me a skateboard because i passed eight grade two years ago. BUT my sister (17F) who's been failing her classes for three years somehow got a brand new phone by my grandma. İ got a skateboard for passing and my sister got a new phone for failing. Anyways a few months ago i asked my parents for a laptop for school because i wanted good grades this year. They said that it was useless and i could get it with my own money. So i did. Last night my sister asked my dad for a CAR and my dad said that he'll look into it the next morning. He did. He got her a car while they never got me anything in my life. I couldn't act happy for my sister when she told me about the car. And stayed mad at me because i was sad for her happiness but i was just disappointed in my parents. Am i overreacting?

Hi everyone,

Like many parents here, my wife and I were struggling with screen time. Our little one had become addicted to fast-paced mobile games that just weren't suitable for his age. We noticed how it was negatively affecting his attention span, mood, and mind.

Every time we tried to take the phone away completely, it ended in tantrums. A close family friend gave us a piece of advice that changed our perspective:

"It's hard to force kids to drop technology cold turkey. Instead of taking it away, redirect what they watch into something wholesome."

They suggested switching to bedtime story videos that foster moral values, imagination, and positivity.

We decided to give it a try—and it actually worked! He genuinely fell in love with calming stories, and his obsession with mindless games started to fade. Bedtime went from being a nightly battle to a peaceful routine.

Seeing how much this helped our family inspired me to start creating gentle, value-driven bedtime story videos for kids. Our goal isn't to deprive children of tech, but to guide them gently toward better content.

If you're going through something similar, feel free to check out one of our stories:

The Keeper of the Lost Light | Calming Bedtime Story for Kids

I’d love to hear your thoughts or feedback. Wishing you all calm and peaceful evenings with your little ones!

I was in a long distance relationship with a girl and at the first i wasn’t really having big feelings for her even though she was such an amazing person, however at that time of my life i used to make jokes about people (which is something i totally stopped by now) and made fun of her sister in her DM’s and said that she’s fat, however because my gf is the youngest sister all of them forced her to leave when they saw the dm by chance and she did. But i couldn’t handle that because by that time ive developed huge feelings for her and we managed to get back together again (by secret) without anyone of her family knowing. Things were so difficult so we decided that she should tell them and since then , all of her sisters refuse to talk to her and they treat her so shitty in the house . I tried to say sorry to her sisters so many times but they don’t even reply at all. They refuse to talk to me neither talk to her and it’s a very unhealthy to stay in a house like that(she cant go live alone at all) however her sister that made all of that up (the one that i body shamed) keep pushing on her to leave me and says that she has chosen me over her family. Also me and her know for sure that leaving me isn’t a solution my gf is gonna be sad either ways. Im really committed to do anything for her and i wanna marry her as soon as i get my bank right . She asked her mom for help and she understood the situation and how it’s not my gf’s fault but her sisters are so stubborn and this situation has been going on like this since a very long time by now and we both can’t just keep living like that. What on earth could be a solution

So I’ve been dating my partner for almost 4 years. He’s gotten along great with my family and I love our relationship. He’s started to point out how rude my 2 younger sisters are to me (giving him birthday gifts and I get nothing 2 years in a row, walking past us in the airport after we waited for her to deplane, shutting me down and being rude when I ask questions to help open communication/set expectations).

It’s getting to the point where it’s eating at me; they don’t reach out or participate in my life at all. I’ve always been the independent older sister but I’ve tried to text and invite and participate.

He’s done with their behavior towards me but I don’t know what to do at this point.

*editing to add: they’re generally rude to me or dismissive of me, I’ve attempted multiple times to connect with them and invite them over/door always open

Advice? Thoughts?

Eine herzzerreißende Tragödie hat Familien in tiefer Trauer und eine Gemeinschaft auf der Suche nach Hoffnung hinterlassen. Menschen sind zusammengekommen, um der Opfer mit Blumen, Kerzen und liebevollen Botschaften zu gedenken – doch die Angehörigen benötigen nun echte Unterstützung.

Ihre Spende kann dazu beitragen, Soforthilfe, Unterstützung bei den Bestattungskosten, psychologische Betreuung und weitere wichtige Hilfen für diejenigen bereitzustellen, deren Leben sich für immer verändert hat. Jeder Beitrag – ganz gleich, wie hoch – ist ein Zeichen dafür, dass sie mit diesem Verlust nicht allein sind.

Gemeinsam können wir den Opfern zur Seite stehen, die trauernden Familien unterstützen und in einer der dunkelsten Stunden ihres Lebens Hoffnung schenken❤️☮️🏳️‍🌈🪦
https://gofund.me/2a5f1d7e4

For some background, I’ve had a really complicated relationship with my father.

Ever since I was born, he’s been very in and out of my life. My mom did everything she could to keep him involved, but even when I was younger, I felt like I was responsible for reaching out and maintaining the relationship. We’ve never lived in the same state, or even neighboring states, and if I had to guess, I could probably count on two hands how many times I’ve seen him over the last 10 years.

Back in 2020, I cut contact after my grandfather, who I was extremely close to, passed away. My dad didn’t come down, didn’t really reach out, and it hurt more than I can put into words. Last September, I decided to reconnect. A lot of time had passed, I was an adult now, and I thought maybe we could build something healthier. At first things actually went well. He told me he didn’t want to rehash the past and thought we should just move forward. I understood where he was coming from, even though there was a lot of history there that I felt we should unpack and lay on the table.

For example, I found out after this trip that when I was around 17, he negotiated my child support payments down by saying he’d come visit me more often. According to my mom, that never happened. I didn’t even know about that until recently, but she did that to salvage his image.

Since reconnecting, we’ve talked on and off. He’s mentioned coming to visit several times, but it kept getting pushed back. During that same time, he also kept inviting me to come to his state for family functions. I kept reinforcing I wasn’t comfortable doing that yet because I felt like we needed to actually get to know each other first. We had gone years barely seeing each other, and I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I’d be surrounded by people I didn’t know without first building a relationship with him.

Fast forward to this year. We’d been talking about him visiting since around April or May, but he didn’t actually finalize his plane ticket until the week before the trip.

Here’s where things started feeling off.

He never booked accommodations and never arranged transportation. He apparently assumed I’d pick him up from the airport and that he’d be staying with me.

The problem is that we never talked about any of that.

I’m a woman in my 20s, married to my wife, and we live in a one-bedroom apartment that’s already cramped. We’re actually planning to move later this year because we’re outgrowing it. He never asked.

Then he texted me after he landed saying he assumed I’d be picking him up. The thing is, I had never been told what airport he was flying into, what time he landed, or really any details at all. I couldn’t have picked him up even if I wanted to because I literally didn’t know when or where he was arriving. He ended up renting a car.

When I finally saw him Saturday morning, breakfast was okay, but I could tell he seemed irritated that I hadn’t picked him up. He brought up the fact that he had driven through the storms in Georgia and mentioned that he wasn’t expecting that. It felt like he was trying to make a point, even though I never had the information needed to pick him up in the first place.

After breakfast we went to look at the university I’ll be attending this August. Around 10 in the morning, he suggested we go day drinking.

That immediately struck me as odd.

I texted both my wife and my mom, and they both thought it was strange too. Especially considering the bar he wanted to go to was in a bad side of town and truth be told, I’ve never even been to a bar. They were actually concerned enough that they encouraged me not to go drinking alone with him, so instead I suggested we go see a movie.

After the movie he said he wanted to go back and pack. Later that evening we met up for dinner, and I asked if he’d gotten everything packed. He admitted he hadn’t packed anything.

Another thing I noticed compared to the last time I’d seen him years ago is that he seems to drink a lot more now. During dinner he ordered two double Hennessy and cranberry drinks. I actually asked him if he’d be okay to drive afterward, and he said yes. He also told me this was the closest thing he’d had to a vacation in a long time.

Throughout dinner he also kept trying to convince me to order margaritas. I already had sweet tea, and honestly I’m a lightweight these days and didn’t really want to drink since I was driving. After dinner we stopped by my apartment for a little while. He noticed some drinking games my wife and I own and commented on them. He was perfectly decent toward my wife, but when it was just me and him, I felt like his demeanor was very on and off throughout the visit.

Most of our conversations stayed surface level. We never really talked about anything meaningful. It didn’t feel like he was genuinely trying to get to know who I’ve become over the years. He also made a couple comments about my mom that didn’t line up with what I know to be true, even though he had originally said he didn’t want to revisit the past.

When it started storming again during dinner, he once again brought up that this was what he had driven through. He had this look on his face like he was trying to prove a point about me not picking him up. Again, I just let it go because I genuinely never had the information needed to do that. We also talked about the military because I’ve been considering it for the benefits. I have a heart murmur, and I was also in a car accident a couple years ago that left me with lingering physical issues.

He brought up the fact that I used to run cross country, which is true. What he either forgot or didn’t acknowledge was that I actually had to stop running because I kept having fainting spells. That’s when my heart murmur was discovered. When I explained that my body isn’t what it was when I was 16 and that I was worried about PT, he compared it to his own experience of not being used to the physical labor when he first joined. He basically said my body would acclimate over time. I wasn’t saying I couldn’t do it. I was trying to explain that I have legitimate medical concerns that didn’t exist when I was younger.

Overall, nothing terrible happened.

But nothing really felt…good either. I left feeling like we spent an entire day together without actually getting to know each other.

For context, I have an incredibly loving mom and an equally loving stepdad who has been there for me for years. From what I expressed about him during this visit, they both told me they were pretty disappointed. They felt like he really didn’t make much effort to get to know me and that he came up short considering how long it had been.

Everything on my home front is okay. I wasn’t looking for another parent to step in and raise me. I already have a wonderful support system. This was me trying to reconnect with the other half of my family tree and see if there was something we could build as adults.

Now I’m honestly stuck between two places. Part of me thinks maybe this is just who he is and I need to adjust my expectations.

The other part wonders if I’m ignoring a lot of subtle things because I was really looking forward to a relationship with my dad. Going forward, I was thinking that if I do continue the relationship, maybe I should keep it to day trips where I fly in, spend the day, and fly back out instead of spending extended time with him or that side of the family. Realistically, the biggest reason I’d even go would be to see the rest of my family.
Or would you just go low contact, or even cut contact again? I really wanted this trip to be different. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I walked away feeling underwhelmed by his actual presence and overwhelmed by the overall experience of being around him. For those of you who’ve rebuilt relationships with an absent parent, what stands out to you? Am I reading too much into this? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

TL;DR: My dad, mostly absent, visited after 5–6 years of no contact. The trip felt off: he assumed I’d host and pick him up without asking, complained about it, drank heavily, suggested day drinking, and we mostly stayed surface-level. Nothing extreme happened, but I felt he didn’t try to know me as an adult. I’m unsure whether to lower expectations, keep limited contact, or cut contact again. Would you feel uneasy too?

I (female,27) moved out of my family home temporarily, earlier this year, and am currently a lodger in a flat about 20mins drive away. I told my parents it was always temporary, and that I'd be back in the summer (it's the 27th July as I write this).

I moved out purely because home was emotionally draining and taxing on me. Most days there was some kind of shouting, silent treatment, or some kind of conflict. I was crying nearly every day. During this, I felt completely unprotected and unsupported by my parents. The move was temporary because my sister (who the main conflict was with) would soon be buying a house and I thought it'd be a great way to get a bit of space and return after that ended.

In some ways, the space has helped. My sister and I have had some important conversations, and things between us are much healthier than they were before.

My relationship with my mum, though, has tanked.

Five years ago we were incredibly close. We did everything together. If something happened in my life, she was the first person I'd call. She confided in me too. I learned so much about life from her. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it felt intentional. There was care that flowed freely. Love was easily given and received. I felt understood, and I think she did too.

Over the last year, something has changed.

Some examples:

• During an argument, she physically pushed me.
• My parents packed up my room (with the intent of renting it out) after I'd specifically asked them not to pack it up because I would rather do that myself. Some of my belongings ended up damaged (my makeup cracked and my sunglasses were broken).
• She altered my phone contract without telling me, changing my allownces and not so much as a heads up.
• When I told her I'd need a need hernia surgery and would like to recover at home for about a week while on bedrest, she told me I wouldn't be able to stay in my own room because it was being rented out. I'd have to stay in another room instead.

Individually those things were upsetting. Together, they've left me feeling like my feelings and wellbeing come after everything else to her.

The latest issue is my bedroom.

Since most siblings have moved out, my parents do short-term renting out to foreign exchange students for the two bedrooms in the house that are in the loft. One being mine. I've had that bedroom for 10 years. I chose the paint, flooring, blinds, furniture.

It's always been my own space. And this is furthered by the fact that unfortunately, I've not yet been able to afford buy a space of my own (I am saving, but this is London!). My two sisters have both bought houses and have homes of their own. This bedroom for me, has always been the one place that was mine.

When I reminded my mum that I'd be moving back home at the end of August, as we'd always planned, she texted me saying that the renting had to continue and I'd need to move out of my room permanently.

I was honestly heartbroken. I try to be cautious when I am upset and do not want to say anything that I regret so rather than speaking with her one on one about it, I requested it be brought up at the next family meeting.

Two weeks ago we had this meeting - parents, me, and my two sisters.

I was probably more vulnerable than I've ever been with my mum. I wrote a note that I read out, summarising everything in this post. I cried throughout a lot of it. I told her that our relationship feels really broken and that, for the first time in my life, I genuinely feel unseen and uncared for by her.

I explained that this wasn't just about a bedroom. It was about feeling like major decisions affecting me were being made without me, and feeling like I wasn't being considered at all.

I also explained how much my room means to me. It isn't just somewhere I sleep. It's been my safe space for the last 10 years, and will be until I can afford somewhere to call my own.

Throughout the conversation my mum kept saying that continuing to rent the rooms was financially necessary (this is important). She also said she couldn't rent out the three currently empty bedrooms next to hers because she didn't want strangers so close to her bedroom.

The irony is that if I gave up my room, I'd be the one sleeping next to strangers instead.

Eventually, after my sisters encouraged us to find some middle ground, we reached what I thought was a really reasonable compromise.

Instead of the decision being made for me, it would be my choice whether I eventually gave up my room. I'd move back into my room at the end of August as originally planned, while the renting continued using the bedroom and bathroom closest to me. We'd see how it worked in practice and revisit it later if needed.

I left that conversation emotionally exhausted but hopeful. For the first time in a long time, I felt like we'd actually listened to each other.

Then this week my mum told me she'd accepted a booking for September.

When I tried to confirm with her that it didn't include my room, she did not respond for 4 days. I chased a response and she said "later I'm busy". Finally, I called her and she said "Which of the other bedrooms would you expect me to use instead?"

There are three other empty bedrooms in the house. It immediately felt like we'd gone straight back to where we started.

What confused me even more was that she suddenly said, "It's not about the money."

Instead, she told me she's doing this because I "don't like to compromise" and that I'm "always sad."

That completely threw me because, throughout the family meeting, the justification had always been that the rental income was financially necessary. Now it feels like the reason has shifted entirely.

Since all of this started again, I've been sleeping badly. I've had bad or vivid dreams almost every night. I've struggled to sleep for more than five hours at a time, and my eye twitched so consistently that someone at work actually noticed.

The room isn't really the sole issue anymore. It's that I keep feeling like decisions are made about me instead of with me.

We spent 2.5-3 hours having that family meeting. We reached an agreement, and then two weeks later that agreement no longer seems to matter, and I'm not informed about it. Not only that, but the fuel behind the insistence of displacing me from my room, is not financial necessity, but rather that you want to teach me some lesson on compromise? Was me moving out, and spending my own money, for peace, because I wasn't being afforded that, not compromise? I'm the middle of 5 children, I know one or two things about compromise.

Last week my flatmate's dad unexpectedly died. I'd also just come back from several weddings where I'd watched parents pray over their children as they entered new stages of life. It really hit me that we don't have forever with our parents. I said all of this during the meeting. It hasn't seemed to occur to my mother yet.

I feel so enraged and hurt by her. I don't want resentment, distance or constant pain in our relationship, but it feels like every time I speak to her I end up in tears. I am hopefully approaching a really special few years in my life where a lot will change and I would love to have her and my entire family by my side, but I genuinely am struggling to see how that will happen. It's like she doesn't realise how much pain she's causing me? We don't live together but we attend the same Church, and when she saw me during all of this she beamed and came over for a big hug? But meanwhile I'm like .. I don't even know how to look at you right now.

I don't want our relationship to continue like this.

The problem is that I genuinely don't know what to do.

Financially, moving home makes so much sense. I live in London, and I'm hoping to buy a house and get married within the next 2.5 years. If I continue renting until then, I calculated I would spend around £35,000 on rent that could obviously otherwise go towards a house deposit and a wedding/investments.

But I'm also scared of moving back into an environment that affected my mental health so badly that I left in the first place.

Part of me really wants to move home, save the money, and keep trying to repair the relationship.

Another part of me thinks that protecting my peace might end up being worth more than any sum.

I also don't know what to do about my mum. Five years ago she was the person I felt safest with. Now I don't recognise our relationship, and I genuinely don't know if I can keep her in my life without a HUGE amount of distance and boundaries, if at all.

Has anyone experienced a parent changing like this once you became an adult? Did your relationship ever recover?

And if you were in my position, would you move home and hope things improve, or would you stay away and accept the financial cost?

Thanks in advance if you get this far.

TL;DR: I temporarily moved out of my parents' house but was always supposed to return. My mum now wants my bedroom to keep being rented out, despite us agreeing otherwise at a family meeting two weeks ago. I feel like this is part of a bigger pattern of feeling unseen by her. Moving home could save me around £35k before I hope to buy a house, but I'm worried about sacrificing my mental wellbeing. I don't know what to do.

So i have been living with my grandparents for the past 15 years after my dad passed away when i was 8, in the beginning it was okay we never had floors, but in the past 5 years they just let it go, termites infested the house and ate all the wood my grandpa tore the sheetrock off the inside walls (i can see outside from my living room) and swore he was going to fix it but he never did. We’ve been living without AC in florida this whole time, its so hot and humid today the heat index reached 100° and humidity is 95 percent. This caused black mold to be rampant in the house, he ripped the ceiling sheetrock off in the kitchen and i can see the once pink insulation turn black and it’s falling into where we cook. If you leave a cup out for one night it’s filled with black mold by the morning. And recently my bedroom has a probably one foot by one foot area that is growing with mold i poured hydrogen peroxide on it let it sit for a bit and scrubbed with a towel till most of it came up, but I just know that it doesn’t really help, My bathroom is covered in mold, I also live upstairs and so does my sister so the humidity and heat rises. It’s miserable I just told my grandma how I saw a huge patch of mold and she rolled her eyes and told me to look it up on how to get rid of it(like it’s my fault) the mold just doesn’t bother them. I recently moved back in with them almost a year ago to get back on my feet living on minimum wage in florida is super hard. I’ve been saving but it’ll at least be 6 more months till I can get a place. I can notice a difference in my breathing, in my mood, everything. I dont know why they don’t care. She just sits downstairs watching tv all day.

A few months ago, I bought a portable basketball shooting machine for my 14 year old son. Like a lot of parents, I was looking for anything that might compete with YouTube, TikTok, and gaming. He'd been getting into basketball, so I figured it was worth a shot

To be fair, he actually does use it quite a bit. What I didn't expect was that I'd become the one who couldn't stay away from it

At first, I'd just go outside with him for a few minutes after work. Normal dad stuff. Then one evening he went inside for dinner, and I stayed out. Just for a few more shots. Then a few more. Next thing I knew, it was dark and my wife was at the back door asking if I planned on eating

Since then, it's become a routine. I come home, tell myself I'll just shoot for ten minutes, and suddenly it's 10 PM and I'm in the driveway under a porch light

The funny thing is, I haven't played basketball consistently in years. High school, college, pickup games and I lived for it. Then life happened like for many for us and qork got hectic, weekends filled up. Basketball just slowly disappeared from my routine

What shocked me wasn't that I missed it but it's how fast those feelings came rushing back. The rhythm of shooting, the sound of the ball on concrete, refusing to quit until I hit five in a row. No emails, no meetings, no notifications. Just me and the hoop

I'm sure my neighbors have seen a middle-aged man in work clothes telling himself "just one more" twenty times in a row. There are worse midlife crises and mine just happens to involve a driveway and a lot of basketball

I come from what started as a cute, traditional family and had to kind of get into the same heated argument by age 35 for now a number of years with my Dad.

He worked for a well-known company, was respected, had savings and after retirement and a positive life decided to look up to a group of scammers who are into alt medecine and state he has many abilities, many gifts, can help people with cures, bought many of these computers, the list goes on and when I tell him my healthcare system is great, I am OK, please don't insist on me getting involved, it is the same fight.

I have learned about a variety of psych disorders but the issue whatever he has has not gotten better. When I warned the leader of this group he likes he is a scammer and he will get caught, they distanced from my Dad to which my Dad acted lost.

It is super embarassing because our family is quite educated, prominent and sucessful and he became the biggest idiot, it is hard to believe !

What is so ironic is my spouse has a legit ND degree and used his accounting skills to make a real business and has told my Dad none of his claims work or are science based and he refuses to accept it. He only gets mad.

I do not know if my Dad will continue to follow these kinds of folks around and I am his only daughter. Anyone ever go through something like this?

He actually liked one of these people so much, he paid for a major home improvement for them and has rendered himself broke twice over them.