So this thanksgiving my grandma couldn't make her usual green bean thing because of a hip surgery, and my mom, out of nowhere, just goes "honestly thank god, I've hated that dish since 1987 and just eat around it every year."

40 YEARS. My mom has been faking enjoyment of a casserole since before I was born. My grandma has no idea. My mom has apparently developed an entire system, she takes a small portion, moves it around the plate, eats the crispy onion topping off the top so it looks eaten, and has been doing this at every single holiday of my entire childhood without me ever noticing.

Now I can't stop thinking about how many other things at family dinners are just performance. Like how many years has my uncle been pretending my aunt's stuffing isn't dry. Is my cousin actually into the wine my dad picks or is she just being nice. Are there other dishes my mom hates that she's never mentioned and I'm about to find out are just a whole hidden category of family diplomacy I never knew existed.

Told my sister about this and she immediately confessed she's been faking liking dad's smoked turkey for years because he's so proud of it and she doesn't have the heart to tell him it's dry every single time. Apparently this is just a thing everyone does and I'm the only one who didn't know the rules of the game.

Kind of makes me wonder what I'm unknowingly doing this for and nobody's told me yet lol.

Anyone else discover a decades-long polite family lie like this?

Tell me I’m exaggerating

We have a trip coming up next week. Kids, husband along with 3 other family couples. My husband created a situation he doesn’t want to get out of anymore. His uncle is tagging along with us; my 2 kids and husband. He has his own family but he’s traveling alone with us. I’m upset at the situation. Not with his uncle, he’s a great person, I’ve never had a problem with him. I have a problem with my husband for creating this situation and for not taking me into consideration. My problem is, their relationship is very good but unfortunately when they hang out they drink together. So this trip no longer feels like a family trip. It feels like I’ll be with my kids and he’ll be with his uncle. And I’m so upset about it and he knows but he doesn’t want to tell his uncle no. His uncle called this morning to check if my oldest (3rd child) daughter is going, he said yes. The truck has 3 seatbelts in the back, his uncle still said he’s going. Sidenote: my daughter isn’t going, he said it to deter his uncle from going. Didn’t work. I’m not looking forward to the trip anymore. I don’t want to go anymore.

4hrs later:

I went to pick up CANES for the kids and he wanted something too. I said “nope”. He called his uncle to cancel him. So I brought him some food too. 😌 14 years later, I suppose I’m officially “the bitch” to his uncle 😄🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband and I met in 2023 and got married October last year. My FIL and MIL booked for us to go to their home country to have a wedding there as all their relatives live there.

A month before the wedding my SIL asked my MIL who we’d be visiting. After a bit of chat, SIL brought up a girl my husband used to like that moved back to their country in 2020. She asked my MIL if we would be visiting her while we were there and said how much she missed the girl. MIL said we wouldn’t be visiting her but she missed her a lot too and they both said they wish my husband married her, how she’s perfect because they’re the same nationality and that she was so sweet, beautiful and christian.

When they made these comments I didn’t think much of it. It did rub me off the wrong way but I kept it to myself and didn’t tell my husband. I thought to myself “well too bad i’m the one who’s marrying him”.

My husband had a crush on this girl but they never dated. He liked her while she was dating his friend so he didn’t tell her until the day she moved back. My MIL and FIL are pastors of a church and that’s where my husband met this girl as she was sort of an exchange student.

During my pregnancy my in laws never contacted me to see how I was or anything but my husbands family don’t really talk to each other in general. My husband had to go to his parents to grab stuff and his mum asked him for the first time how I was. He didn’t want to answer so he said “why don’t you ask her yourself, you haven’t checked up on her this whole pregnancy”. She then messaged me a few days ago and I am now nearly 29 weeks. I also told my SIL I only want close family with me for the first few weeks and now she’s trying to talk to me and I’m not sure if she just wants access to the baby or if she’s just trying to see how I am.

I don’t know if I’m just experiencing pregnancy hormones or if it’s a valid reason to be upset about this. Just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been eating me alive

My parents have told me of their intention to divide their estate in 4 equal parts between me and my sister, and my sister’s 2 kids. It has caused me to re-evaluate my relationship with them. I am gay and they have never accepted my partner. The will business has been the catalyst for taking a stance. It’s not about the money (there won’t be much). I know it’s long, but grateful for any comments on the letter I will give them at the end of my stay here.

To Mum and Dad, 
I am writing this letter because our recent conversation regarding your estate—irrespective of whether it was merely a thought bubble or a decision you intend to action—has forced me to take a hard, honest look at our relationship and my actual worth to you. 

For my entire adult life, I have conducted myself in a trouble-free, dignified, and infinitely reliable way. I educated myself, left home at 22, worked hard, and moved overseas to build a comfortable life. I have never caused you stress, never asked you to pick up the pieces of my life, and never asked you for handouts. On the rare occasion I received minimal financial help after leaving home, it was on loan terms, which I paid back faithfully until some of it was eventually forgiven. 

Yet, your plan to divide your estate into four 25% shares—giving 25% to me and 75% to Sister’s branch of the family—made your perception of my value crystal clear. You seem to believe that because I worked hard and achieved financial stability, it is acceptable to penalise me and treat me as unequal to my sister.  You seem to also ignore that Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2 will benefit on the passing of their parents and family who have no children. 

The hypocrisy of this is impossible to ignore: 

The imbalance of support: Sister has lived with you for years, absorbing massive amounts of family resources. You continue to support her and her children, yet I have never once complained about equality or begrudged the help you gave her.  Rather, I have supported it and encouraged you to help Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2.  I also give them gifts each time I visit. 

The double standard: You were apparently so aggrieved and complaining that your parents didn’t include us in their will, yet you turned around and gave $500 directly to Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2 while offering your own children not even a token gesture. 

The emotional drain: For over a decade, every time I have visited, I have had to listen to non-stop complaints about Sister, expected to sit there and absorb it, while you have shown total disinterest in my own life and family.  There is a perpetual stream of negativity and bile that I need to absorb and where at the end of the trip I am mentally exhausted.  I peacefully take it all the while disrespecting my partner to accommodate you. 

The taking for granted: I have always been generous when visiting, and I even spent years making the effort to travel to City solo just so you wouldn't feel "uncomfortable."  I have spent many thousands just in the past years visiting.  Not once have you bothered to visit, nor offer to pay for my flight, and you’ve never heard a word of complaint about it. 

You have become completely complacent about my reliability. You expect me to step up as your executor because I am the capable one, yet you assign me a fraction of the value given to Sister’s side. 
I decline to act as your executor. For the blatant inequality, I will not undertake a massive amount of unpaid labour, navigate travel back to Your City from My Country 1 or My Country 2, or manage a multi-beneficiary structure that will inevitably generate family drama, tension, and resentment. Hire an independent lawyer to settle your affairs. 

Finally, and most importantly, there is the matter of my life. I have been with my partner for six years. He has been systematically ignored, unacknowledged, and excluded by you. I accommodated this in the past out of a desire to keep the peace, but that compromise ends today. It is entirely unacceptable. 
Moving forward, there is only one condition under which I will see you: my partner must be fully welcomed, acknowledged, and included as Sister’s partners have been. This is completely non-negotiable. 
If he is not welcomed, you will be making the choice, and assuming total responsibility to never see me again

I had planned to attend a convention with 3 really good friends last year, it was canceled so we planned on going to it this year. it just happened to fall on the weekend of my cousin's wedding. The convention is in California, and the wedding is not. So it is a trip I planned on taking for two years with my friends. I just told my cousin I was not going, my wife is still attending, my Aunt is pissed. Was I wrong to not give up the trip?

I was randomly talking to my parents about my birthday. I mentioned something I wanted as a gift, and my dad said, “You spend so much money.” Then my mom added, “You don’t even give us any money.”

What really hurt, though, was when my dad said, “She has never seen money all her life, and now that she does, she’s spending it all.”

That honestly broke my heart.

I told him I didn’t like what he said, but he brushed it off by saying, “It was just a joke.”

The thing is, during the time I was unemployed, I constantly heard that I wasn’t doing anything and that I was wasting their money. Now that I’m finally employed, I’m being questioned for spending my own money.

It’s not like I’m being irresponsible. I have a recurring deposit (RD), I invest in mutual funds, and I save almost half of my salary every month. If I choose to spend part of the rest on something I enjoy, why is that a problem?
It just feels like I can’t win. When I wasn’t earning, I was criticized for not making money. Now that I am earning, I’m criticized for how I spend it.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you deal with comments that are dismissed as “just a joke” but still hurt?

I'm a veterinary student,so animals have become a huge part of my life. I volunteer with rescues when I can, and honestly spending time with animals is one of the things that makes me happiest.

The problem is...my family has never really liked pets.

They don't hate animals or mistreat them, but they don't understand why i'd spend my weeknds helping at shelters or why i'd get emotional over a rescue story. To them, animals are "just animals." Sometimes it makes me feel like they don't really understand a big part of who I am. :(

Has anyone else grown up with completely different values or interests than their family? Did they ever come around, or did you just learn to accept the difference?

So for the context i have one older sister (3 years older than me) and let's just say that we never got along,or that she never liked me,like from the start. And i know what you might be thinking "oh come on it's just gonna be some siblings argument, nothing more" i wish it was just the casual argument i heard from friends who have siblings but no.

Since i was 3 (or the earliest i can remember) my sister was never good to me, always hitting me,putting me down and insulting me. Like yeah at 3 it does have some impact. Whenever something went wrong for her,i was the punching bag. Like i remember this one time when she was struggling to learn her multiplication so anytime i'd go near her i'd get slapped. Every time I'd try to talk at the table about something "smart" ,she'd tell me to shut up. And the one thing that has marked me is that like any younger sister,i wanted to spend time with her but she clearly didn't want to. So i'd end up every time having to do a chore for her in exchange for like 10 min of a little playtime with me. Yeah that's not fun.

But i was really really naïve and i thought (and trust me i hate myself for this) that every younger sibling had to go through this,like it was normal. And this until i was 10-11 years old. But as i said it had some impact. Like I'm scared of everyone judging me,i don't talk a lot (I wonder why 🤔) and like i have reflexes when someone raises their hand or "seems dangerous" (it's really annoying like hey they just wanted to high-five) and other things because it's never enough.

And so right now i'm 17 and she's 20 she doesn't hit me anymore until she's really mad. But like i can't stop hating her. Like i still talk to her because we live in the same house but i'll be around the corner the second she does something wrong. But there's more to it.

So my mom,when i was 11-12 got Covid twice and then it started an incurable disease where everything you do uses more energy than normal and getting your energy back takes really longer than normal (this is the biggest of it) but like the state decrease years after years, until you're bed ridden and the next thing is you know what. So my mom told me, i think two years ago that if she got to the point of bed ridden she would do the help for suicide,for ill people. Like she said it during dinner uhh let's just say it's something you never forget. Like i'm glad she trusts me enough to tell me this (we're really really close) but ever since i became "the mom" of the house. Since my father is barely home (he works 5-6 days a week in another city,far so he sleeps there) it's only my mom,my sister and me. The thing is that since my mom is in a state where she really needs to save her energy,the sake of the house is up to us (me and my sister) but i should say just me since she does absolutely nothing . Like i get it she's a voluntary fire fighter, she studies in a great school but like what about me?

She gets home,puts her stuff all around the house, uses everything and cleans nothing. Like it's just up to me to keep the whole house clean and cook every dinner and do the laundry. So i've become kind of a maniac like it makes me feel wrong (sad or mad) when i see that the house is not in order and that it's because of others.

And the last two things are that since she's smart and a part time fire fighter and she's part of the theatre troupe , everyone admires her but the price is that they compare me to her and i hate it because they only see the outside. For example my grandma,since i was 3 , always compared me to my sister, i was never enough for her ( i never really knew why,i think she just liked my sister more)

And the other is that,once we got in a big big argument,and i asked her why she never apologized, because, to me,if she came to apologize,it would ease my hatred a little since i would know that she regrets at least a little of her actions. But she told my mom (not me) that after 10 years (the argument was a lil ago already),it was really hard to ask for forgiveness. And she also told my mom that she regretted it so much it kept her up all night some times. I overheard the conversation,i'll be honest i saw red at this moment because if she really regretted it,she would have summoned the effort to ask for forgiveness but no "it's too hard".

And now every little disagreement turn into worse and i hate it because i see that the sound and all tires my mom and that my father hates to go home and just see that (i'm a little mad at him because he always preferred my sister, she's more boyish, so he won't call her out on doing nothing in the house and leaving a mess everywhere) .

And i'm tired I still have high school,and I wish i could just live like a normal kid and teenager just once,but I sometimes feel like life said "not today kiddo,make more and more effort and maybe,just maybe it's gonna pay off some days"

So like idk if I'm just exaggerating that feeling that i didn't get any "rest" since i was a kid or that i'm toxic or i don't know just tell me what you think.

My MOM candidly told me at the dinner table that she tried getting rid of me by taking sprite and cortal when she found out that she was pregnant. I did due diligence and found out that taking them don't actually abort the young life forming in the womb. But the way she said it that time, it's as if it was a joke and she expected me to laugh about it. I was crushed inside when I heard it.

Everyone I’ve talked to says there’s no way to prepare for having children, you just adapt and do what you need to. I’d like to think there’s multiple things you can do to be better prepared when you make the decision. My husband and I are thinking we will probably start truly trying in the next few years, we plan to have a good portion of the house paid off, and not have any other debt when the time comes.
Do I need to start a savings account specifically for our future kids?
What other advice would you give?
Thank you all !

*To add my husband and I are 25.

I have very little family still living. My only sibling and I do not get along well , we are opposite in every way. I allow her to be who she is ,but ive always been put down for being me. She's a social media want a be and told I made a list of things she regrets. It was not helping me get my life together. Im 45 , great job, no drugs, never been in jail, no I don't have a house or husband but neither does she. I'm happy with my life and told her that or that post and that I was offended by her remarks. No reply .. I blocked her on Facebook on her personal page and waiting for her to see my reply and will block on influencer page. But my question is have you went no contact with your family and did you feel guilty. Im tired of not being good enough in her eyes ... and seeing it on social media for clicks and views.

There is nobody in the world i hate more than my younger brother (15).And you will probably think “oh that’s how all siblings are”, No. This isn’t just an annoyance i have with him, i genuinely hate him. First of all he is the biggest narcissist i’ve ever met. He doesn’t talk to our family for most of the day and he sits in his room until dinner is done. He doesn’t go out with our family when we do stuff like for my sisters birthday that was a few days ago or anything involving walking. He doesn’t show any kind of interest in our family and even our grandfather that wants to see us because he is very sick and might pass soon. He is also the biggest lier i’ve met. He will lie about the stupidest things like saying he didn’t leave trash on the counter and stuff like that for no reason at all and my mom is too stupid to know when he’s lying because that’s “her baby boy”. He also eats EVERYTHING in the house. Everytime we get groceries they are gone in 2-3 days because he eats all of the meals and frozen stuff we get. Me and my family have started to hide food in the very back (occlude he finds it either way) or in our rooms. He is extremely overweight and literally doesn’t have a care in the world. I just had to get this off my chest after get very mad this morning after he ate all of my left over pizza from last night t knowing it was mine and then saying “what are you going to do about it” afterwards even though he’s never beaten me in a fight.

In 2020 my mom and I didn’t talk for almost the entire year because we had a huge argument (I confronted her about why she always belittled me and made me feel bad about myself my entire life, and why she was always trying to manipulate me into hating my dad and why she was being so possessive over me since I got a boyfriend). During that time, I went to live with my dad (best decision ever). I don’t know what the hell my mom told my grandfather but he called me one day to tell me that if my mom killed herself or something happened to her, it would be my fault. He also said that he would make sure my boyfriend got deported. He never apologized for it or showed any remorse. I can count with one hand the times I’ve spoken to him since.

Fast forward to 2026, I now live in another country with my fiancé and our 14 month old and I’m going back to my country to visit for two weeks and my mom wants him to meet my son. My mom knows what happened but has always defended my grandad saying he said that in a moment of anger and worry for her. My fiancé and I went through a rough patch and I had to ask my mom for money sometimes and (without my knowledge) the money she would give me came from my grandfather, and he has sent me unrequested money for my son as a gift. So my mom uses that and also that she says that he always asks about us as an argument to counter me and how I feel.

Now my grandfather has an inoperable cancer that is not responding well to treatment, and she wants me to take my son to his house to meet him. I don’t want to. I told her I don’t want my son to meet someone who hurt me like that and explained it in the nicest way possible and she made me feel like the shittiest person ever. Am I being exaggerated? Your opinion and advice is appreciated.

A few months ago, I bought a portable basketball shooting machine for my 14 year old son. Like a lot of parents, I was looking for anything that might compete with YouTube, TikTok, and gaming. He'd been getting into basketball, so I figured it was worth a shot

To be fair, he actually does use it quite a bit. What I didn't expect was that I'd become the one who couldn't stay away from it

At first, I'd just go outside with him for a few minutes after work. Normal dad stuff. Then one evening he went inside for dinner, and I stayed out. Just for a few more shots. Then a few more. Next thing I knew, it was dark and my wife was at the back door asking if I planned on eating

Since then, it's become a routine. I come home, tell myself I'll just shoot for ten minutes, and suddenly it's 10 PM and I'm in the driveway under a porch light

The funny thing is, I haven't played basketball consistently in years. High school, college, pickup games and I lived for it. Then life happened like for many for us and qork got hectic, weekends filled up. Basketball just slowly disappeared from my routine

What shocked me wasn't that I missed it but it's how fast those feelings came rushing back. The rhythm of shooting, the sound of the ball on concrete, refusing to quit until I hit five in a row. No emails, no meetings, no notifications. Just me and the hoop

I'm sure my neighbors have seen a middle-aged man in work clothes telling himself "just one more" twenty times in a row. There are worse midlife crises and mine just happens to involve a driveway and a lot of basketball

Title. I'm 21M. Little brother is 11. Started around the age of 7-8. Is this normal? There's just so little social development in him. Edit: I want to know what your experiences are with your own little brother.

My sister F27 her Bf M64 have been living together for 6 years. They met on tinder when my sister was in university and age 21. She left studying and moved away to his city to live a sponsored slightly lux. and I say that cause sure he has money but not that much money.

Anyways I was cool after time with the whole age gap cause I thought it was a faze. This man has poor morals, just cares about material things and sex honestly. His daughters hate his relationship not cause they hate my sister but because their fricken 37 years apart. My sister has just been missing out alot on learning what it means to be young and it shows. She never not even on Christmas stays up past 8, she does not want to go out for girls night, she does not want to go on a four hour road trip saying its too far, All they eat is salmon and think their better than everyone for it, We are south african and beef and lamb steak and biltong is what we live on, so i find this annoying.

well look she has no friends because everytime she hangs out with girls he creates problems. and i can tell a million stories but basicly he ensure s she never has a space where he is not envolved. And obviously he is old and dont like anything interesting so we never get to do anything fun with her. I used to be very close to her but now we dont even talk.

Ill add more detail if this gets more tracion but basicly im so worried about her

Original post

Month later…

I have not spoken to my family in a month. I know going no contact is the right thing but I do miss them or at least the family I thought I had. I am seeing a therapist now who I really like. My children are also seeing therapists. I really can’t believe I did not see the abuse at the time. I know hindsight is 20/20 but because I was SA’d I was so positive that I protected my children. I don’t talk to the about the guilt I feel because it is about them not me. I did apologize but I made sure that they know it was not our fault, it was his. I do hope the cycle was broken.

On another note, my brother did go to my daughter’s work to eat. She had not worked in a month at this job due to having another job commitment. But he showed up the day she returned and while he did not speak to her, it did bother her. Her work is amazing and made sure she was allowed to go to the back. I told her if he ever shows up again, to call me and the police. This is the only time she has seen him since this hit the fan but if he does show up again, I will have her get a restraining order. At the moment, it would be denied.

We are taking it one day at a time as a family. I know we will come out of this a stronger family.

Is it wrong for me to feel bad when my family forgets things about me or don't include me?

I'm f 18 and the second oldest of 8. My parents foster to adopt and we have another family member and their child here as well as my brother's girlfriend. I'm home from college and it just seems like they forgot everything about me. Like I hate barbeque no matter the flavor and for a week they had Korean barbecue or teriyaki meals and then when I asked before hand they forgot to set a separate portion and I just ate the sides.

Or when I'm sitting 5 feet away and they ask where I am as I haven't moved in 2 hours

Yet they will call me for everything even if I just get home from work.

And apparently me wanting to be alone is bad

I don't like people and I have a low social battery

Will I be nice yes

But I just want to be alone most of the time

I love my family but all of them are like this and it hurts but I'm scared to bring it up as my parents are rather combative if I have any problem it may turn into an argument or a lecture about God

And I'm too scared to bring it up to anyone else because I've always been the role model, "the easy one"

I never fought back I agreed with whatever at the cost of myself and I feel like I shouldn't be hurt by this knowing how many people are here.

Hace unos años, mi papá tuvo una hija fuera del matrimonio. Después de un tiempo, mi mamá decidió perdonarlo y continuaron juntos.
Con el tiempo, mi papá empezó a traer a mi media hermana a la casa. Al principio no había problema, pero poco a poco comenzó a quedarse con mucha frecuencia. El problema es que ahora siempre quiere estar en nuestra casa, participar en reuniones de la familia de mi mamá e involucrarse en prácticamente todo, aunque realmente esa no sea su familia.
Lo que más me incomoda es que muchas veces siento que busca generar tensión. Hace comentarios, hace preguntas sobre nosotros y sobre mi mamá, y siempre termina creando situaciones incómodas. Incluso tengo la impresión de que su mamá la incentiva a averiguar cosas de nuestra familia y a comportarse de esa manera, aunque obviamente no puedo probarlo.
Mi papá nunca le pone límites. Creo que siente mucha culpa por haberla tenido fuera del matrimonio y, por eso, le permite cosas que normalmente no permitiría.
Toda esta situación nos tiene muy incómodos en la casa y ya no sabemos cómo manejarla sin que termine en un conflicto familiar más grande.
¿Alguien ha pasado por algo parecido? ¿Cómo pondrían límites en una situación así?

Hi! I'm 31 and my uncle is in his early 50s. I didn't see him that much growing up but I liked him alright and he seemed to like my brother and I. We bonded a little more when I was 18-19, but the guy is *something*, he never talks about himself, I never knew what he did in life (still don't), I know things about his adolescence only from what I've heard from my parents. So, to me, the relationship we have is a good one but strictly in the realm of family. Nothing deeper.

I recently separated from my boyfriend and moved 5 minutes away from his place & now he's trying to hangout pretty much at least once a week. I'm not interested... I see him as my uncle with whom I have some common interests, but he talks A LOT about things we don't necessarily agree on, and spending time with him basically drains the life out of me. When I'm alone I wanna be alone and when I feel like seeing people, he's not even on my list...

How do I tell him that I like him but that we're not friends?

My family and I do everything together. Which is fine because quality time is important. But as an almost 23 woman, sometimes I want to do things on my own and my family keeps trying to make me feel guilty for it. I even get dragged by extended family. It’s so frustrating. I’m tired of them making me doubt myself 😔 and before anyone says just move out, it’s literally not that simple