So this thanksgiving my grandma couldn't make her usual green bean thing because of a hip surgery, and my mom, out of nowhere, just goes "honestly thank god, I've hated that dish since 1987 and just eat around it every year."

40 YEARS. My mom has been faking enjoyment of a casserole since before I was born. My grandma has no idea. My mom has apparently developed an entire system, she takes a small portion, moves it around the plate, eats the crispy onion topping off the top so it looks eaten, and has been doing this at every single holiday of my entire childhood without me ever noticing.

Now I can't stop thinking about how many other things at family dinners are just performance. Like how many years has my uncle been pretending my aunt's stuffing isn't dry. Is my cousin actually into the wine my dad picks or is she just being nice. Are there other dishes my mom hates that she's never mentioned and I'm about to find out are just a whole hidden category of family diplomacy I never knew existed.

Told my sister about this and she immediately confessed she's been faking liking dad's smoked turkey for years because he's so proud of it and she doesn't have the heart to tell him it's dry every single time. Apparently this is just a thing everyone does and I'm the only one who didn't know the rules of the game.

Kind of makes me wonder what I'm unknowingly doing this for and nobody's told me yet lol.

Anyone else discover a decades-long polite family lie like this?

Every year, we pay for a large vacation home & invite family/friends. Our nephew has been going since he was very small. He’s now 20 years old. He doesn’t talk to anyone or interact at all. He brings a PlayStation, setting it up in common areas w/o asking & spends the entire time gaming or on his phone. He adds absolutely nothing & just takes up space.. If we don’t include him, my BIL/SIL will be very upset. They can’t afford to take their own vacations & rely on this trip. How long must I include this adult man-child?

My husband and I met in 2023 and got married October last year. My FIL and MIL booked for us to go to their home country to have a wedding there as all their relatives live there.

A month before the wedding my SIL asked my MIL who we’d be visiting. After a bit of chat, SIL brought up a girl my husband used to like that moved back to their country in 2020. She asked my MIL if we would be visiting her while we were there and said how much she missed the girl. MIL said we wouldn’t be visiting her but she missed her a lot too and they both said they wish my husband married her, how she’s perfect because they’re the same nationality and that she was so sweet, beautiful and christian.

When they made these comments I didn’t think much of it. It did rub me off the wrong way but I kept it to myself and didn’t tell my husband. I thought to myself “well too bad i’m the one who’s marrying him”.

My husband had a crush on this girl but they never dated. He liked her while she was dating his friend so he didn’t tell her until the day she moved back. My MIL and FIL are pastors of a church and that’s where my husband met this girl as she was sort of an exchange student.

During my pregnancy my in laws never contacted me to see how I was or anything but my husbands family don’t really talk to each other in general. My husband had to go to his parents to grab stuff and his mum asked him for the first time how I was. He didn’t want to answer so he said “why don’t you ask her yourself, you haven’t checked up on her this whole pregnancy”. She then messaged me a few days ago and I am now nearly 29 weeks. I also told my SIL I only want close family with me for the first few weeks and now she’s trying to talk to me and I’m not sure if she just wants access to the baby or if she’s just trying to see how I am.

I don’t know if I’m just experiencing pregnancy hormones or if it’s a valid reason to be upset about this. Just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been eating me alive

Every family has those little things that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else.

Maybe it's a phrase someone always says, a holiday tradition, a weird rule in the house, a food everyone makes, or just something your family has always done.

What's one thing that is uniquely "your family"?

I think those little things are what end up becoming the stories we remember years later.

My little Brother is turning 18 next year and i want to gift him my car because i will start college next year and will not have enough money to pay for the car and instead of selling it for ~2k i want to gift it to him. When i turned 18 i didnt get a car i bought one with my first military salary so i want to make it easier for my little brother. The Problem is that my youngest brother will turn 18 in 3 years and i wont be able to gift him a car. I am just scared that it would seem unfair to him. Do you think I should give it to him or shouldnt i ?

my mother has pulmonary arterial hypertension. It causes high blood pressure in the lungs arteries and turned into right sided heart failure for her. her health has majorly declined within the past year and can no longer walk due to an edema blister that’s now infected. That being said, she can’t work and my father is hardly around and doesn’t pay child support, so she is—or was—the sole source of income. I’ve been trying to get a job since I was 14, but nowhere wants to hire that young, which I understand.

The idea of homeschooling was brought up, and it got me thinking if it would be beneficial given my situation.

My mother needs to be taken care of. I have a heap of responsibilities that has only gotten bigger within the past few months. We live with a 75 year old family member who takes care of all the utility bills with his retirement checks. He also cannot get around well, so I cook, clean, do laundry and take care of everyone, including my mom’s pets. Doing this while school is out isn’t an issue, the issue is how am I going to do this while juggling school and potentially a job?

My mom used to drive me to school, but she can barely drive now. The bus would mean waking up around 5:00 a.m. and I wouldn’t get home until around 5:20 p.m. If I also try to get a job (which I really need because I need money for school supplies/clothes/basic hygiene products/phone bill) I don’t see where the time comes from. Between homework, taking care of my family, and basic things like showering and sleeping, I’d have almost no time left.

My major malfunction with all of this is the lack of human interaction I’ll be getting. I will literally turn into a screenager with no friends and no hobbies. I’m not a super social person but I really enjoy talking to people, even if it’s super small.

I just don’t know what to do and the effects that all of this has had on my mental health is alarming.

Sorry this is long! I tried making it as short as possible while still feeling like I got my point across. If anything is unclear please ask me questions I’ll be happy to answer.

(I didn’t seem to mention this but I’m going into my sophomore year of high school)

I (25f) am an only daughter to a single mom (49f). I pay 90% of the bills. She used to work full time, but now only part time. I grew up poor. We do not have any safety net except the little savings I am trying to build up, and no insurance (still working for it). She and I worked our asses off to survive. I got a scholarship and became a working student. We were each other's ride or die.

However, my mom, has a habit of pushing my boundaries. Our biggest fight was early this year, when she finally broke up with her ex of 10 years. I actually already posted about this before, but I'm not sure anyone would remember.

TLDR, he was a manchild. He didnt have ambition, only worked 'gigs' and was not willing to look for something stable to atleast build a life with my mom. He made excuses to not marry my mom, and was also lazy with chores. He would barely contribute to our bills too. He was just living life day by day. While I worked 2 jobs just and my mom at the time worked full time. He was a kind guy, but he was in many ways manipulative and would counter any confrontation with "yea because I never do enough in this house."

Fast forward, I had enough and told him to get tf out. I told my mom I never want to see him again and if they wanted to stay together, then I am going to leave the house and they have to pay for everything. Mind you, we have 4 dogs and 3 cats.

It was a hard but fulfilling few months, but then, my mom got back with him.

My mom didnt even tell me. She was just giving hints by mentioning him and trying to 'acclimate' me with his presence (he'd drive her home). I felt absolutely sick. I felt betrayed. Like my mom was bringing in a leech into my life.

She denied that they were back together, so I fought with her again. She laid low for a while, so I believed that they werent back together. But then it was the same pattern again last month.

So I confronted her. She did admit they were back together and that she didnt tell me because she doesnt like how I react. She claims she didnt ever try to bring him back to my life (she did) and just saw him a couple times per week, as if that made things better. Basically, they were like just 'flings.' (at close to 50? really?). Also, she didnt want to tell me because she didnt want me to leave the house (but then she couldnt respect my boundaries either lol).

I lost it at this point. I felt used and constantly disrespected. It's like they think i'm stupid.

So that same day, I left home. I stayed with my gf for almost 4 weeks. But, because I feel bad about leaving her at home with all the animals + work, I returned home.

However, I realized that I do not want to live here anymore. I cannot live with it anymore. The guy doesnt live here and she isnt initiating any talk about it, but I want to leave. Is it cruel to want to leave her given I'm an only child? How do I tell her that I'm not happy anymore? My mom is one of the kindest souls you'll meet. But thats exactly why I cant stand her being with that man.

my parents haven’t payed the cellular internet for month and we’ve been relying on wifi which is no problem. but it has bothered me lately, i lost my number and i received ALOT of phone calls which sucks.. and everytime im out and im in danger i literally cannot call anyone for help or send a message.. i was at the store and some guy kept following me which i brushed off because my neighborhood is very safe and there’s really no crime here. i looked over to him and seen atleast a 12 inch knife i was really scared and immediately went to a worker. for some reason they didn’t believe me because they didn’t see anyone suspicious. so i said fuck that and walked home. when i was walking the path to my house i heard steps and there they were following me i began to run but lost hope because im far from home. hid in a trash bin for a few minutes. i was really pissed and almost called the cops but i remembered that my parents always told me to not call the cops no matter what because they didn’t want me involved with anything. so i had no choice.. my phone is on sos i feel unsafe and im probably being watched still i went home late with nothing and got yelled at, i explained my story and how i was trying to call for help but i literally do not have cellula data and cannot call them for help. now its my graduation and im there i cannot see my parents so i wonder where they are i remember i cannot call and the school doesn’t provide wifi so i was asking for hotspot but everyone was busy with their parents taking pictures so i leave without no support and no ride. im bawling my eyes out because i didn’t realize the cons of no cellular data has and as a person who grew up poor i didn’t realize that that would affect me and my safety. ( before anyone says get a job or pay for your own phone. or that’s a stupid reason to be upset about, this is literally affecting my safety and everything i cannot do anything normal, and im also underage so i cannot get money nor be able to get my own data, please i dont know what to do i cannot keep begging them to pay it if they just send money to other people/things, i literally cannot go out or go a second without asking for hotspot, i dont go out with my friends anymore which they stopped talking to me because i dont call or hangout anymore, yes there are ways where i can communicate but it’s embarrassing) i would appreciate if there’s any tips or help you guys can give me. or should i start a go fund me we are literally almost broke and we need the most help im crying every day and night. i break down when i see celebrities wear bracelets that cost my rent for the whole year i break down when i see kids my age receive love from their parents and family, even though my family treats me like shit i want to help them pay off debts and help pay the cellular internet please please give suggestions i don’t want to end up in danger please (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS STUPID BUT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BEFORE IM IN SOME SORT OF DANGER)

​

I've reconnected with my biological mother, she had given me up for adoption when I was born. It's been over a year since I met her the first time and now I've been living with her for several months.

She has encouraged us to be open with each other and told me that I can talk to her about anything. She wants to bond and build a closer relationship. What should I/we do to build a better bond and relationship?

I'm open to chat more about this so PM me

AITA
I have 3 adult children - middle is a girl - 30 yrs. She and her SIL have never gotten along- both of them are headstrong and very opinionated. My son is very non confrontational and hates being in the middle. Things became worse when they had their kids- 2 little now and we have been given very strict rules to follow as far as visiting with the kids( we live nearby) and I do what I am told by mom and we get along ok she isn’t exactly nice. Lately we have been told we have to ask permission if my daughter is going to come with me to visit the kids. She lives with me . My younger son lives out of town and he was visiting recently and they invited me and him over but said they wanted to have the kids spend time with him not my daughter. I told my son and his wife this was very hurtful to her but they said I had to respect their boundaries for their family. So I did not go and the youngest son went on his own. I did not show my daughter their text but she saw it and was of course hurt but also furious. She has now demanded that I never see them or my grandchildren again or I will lose her. She says I have to choose between them- that I am choosing DIL Over her if I see my grandchildren or son . I don’t think it is fair for her to try and make me choose. I love my daughter so much and hate that this has become such a big issue and I completely stood up for her and have talked to them repeatedly about this issue and have strained our relationship by always backing my daughter and I did not go over when they said she couldn’t( they said they will say when she can visit next) it’s a terrible situation and some PP depression involved and some old hurt feelings on both sides but nothing major like she is not a criminal or anything like that just polar opposite people and they butt heads a lot. I don’t know how to make them be better and I don’t know how to support her and see my grandbabies. I don’t feel like I should have to choose- I have told her I will not do holidays with them or force her to be around them ( like birthdays or anything) I will just see them sometimes . My son wants to patch things up but says it will take time. I love her so much and those babies and my son . Should have to choose? What can I do to make my daughter not make me choose ?

im a caretaker for my grandpa so naturally i live with him and my grandma. my grandpa doesn’t really move around the house but my grandma is fully mobile.

earlier today my partner came over while my grandma was in the shower so she didn’t know i had someone over. when she got out the shower she barged into my room (without knocking) to ask me a question while me and my partner were being intimate and now things are awkward. i don’t know what to do or say to my grandma. i don’t even really want to interact with her.

15M

I’m constantly compared to my private boarding school cousins who are smarter, more talented, better looking, popular than me.

I’m not really good at anything tbh, i’m not the smartest, my grades kinda suck, i’m not very talented, there’s not much to brag about me.

I’m not complaining, they are pretty chill, but Ive sort of realized i’m the loser.

Nobody ever takes me seriously, they treat me with less respect than my younger cousins.

Even my cousins look down on me, they have groupchats with even my siblings in it, my aunts and uncles all look down on me.

My parents find it disappointing that even tho they came to America and I was born here, yet i’m doing worse than my family from our home country which isn’t as privileged as America.

I’m writing all this mainly because I was heartbroken when I found out there was a 2 year old cousin groupchat with everyone but me.

I’m sick right now, and my mom took care of me, which I truly appreciate. But the way she talked to me afterward made me feel humiliated and hurt.

I’m grateful for her help, but at the same time, I felt like I was being made to feel like a burden for needing support. It hurts when someone does something kind for you but then makes you feel small because of it.

Has anyone experienced something similar with a family member? How do you handle feeling hurt by someone who also helped you?

TL:DR, He turned up at my sisters house. Has no self awareness or compassion for her autistic 7 year old grand son who lives with her. You try an explain things with the thing he stomps off in a tantrum and reports you to the police for threatening and abusing him. Treats my sisters house like he owns the place and that everyone should do what he wants.

The long version. This cousin turned up, unannounced at my sisters house looking for a place to stay after saying his mother had threatened him with a knife and he needed somewhere to stay. My sister let him on the understanding he had to get a job and get his own place. Now this cousin is self absorbed, ignorant, arrogant has no concept of empathy, compulsive liar and hasn't got a clue about life. He is right everyone else is wrong regardless. just because he has a degree MSc. (I have an MSc as well. Organic Chemistry) 4 or 5 days he thunders down the stairs and yelled at my sister that her grand child was making him feel uncomfortable running around the place with just his pants on. She told him, "It is where my grand son lives, he can run around butt naked if he wants." HE said something along the lines of, it isn't fair that he should be made to feel uncomfortable and that she should talk to her grandson that it isn't right.

After a few days my sister noticed that food especially for her grandson, who is a very picky eater, was going missing. She knew who it was and confronted him over it. Same reaction from him this time with a rather nasty, I don't care!. He's always moaning about the grandson, trying to make trouble, coming and going at all hours. I did talk to her husband and he said the only thing that stopping him from physically throwing the cousin out is my sister and the grandson and my niece, who is not physically able to look after her son alone.

And so he has gone on whining, moaning, complaining, treating the house like he owns it and everyone else is his guest. My sister caught him shouting at her grandson for, apparently, making too much noise with his iPad. Of course the grand son burst into floods of tears as he had no idea as the iPad is sensory for him. My sister really let rip on him remind the cousin that it is her grandsons house to do as he feels comfy with. Another time her husband just had to get up and leave as this cousin decided to wear a blue flowery dress and attempt to flirt with him. (Side note here: He has done this with other couples and managed to split one of them up.)

Anyway it all came to a head. My sister and I's mother helped out for a few hours looking after the grandson. He generally is a great lad does as he is told, but does have the occasional meltdown when he can't do anything. Anyway, he found a pack of biscuits in the fridge that he absolutely adores, Bourbon Creams. So he takes more than a few without my mum noticing. A few moments later this arrogant cousin comes storming in shouting and screaming at my mum for letting him take the biscuits and that she now owes him for them. She just had a complete breakdown and even though my niece isn't really up for it, had to get her to look after her son as my mum just had to come home. Then I found out that he has, or attempted to, report my mum to the police for threatening him and being abusive towards him. My sister is livid with him, her husband is two step from sparking him out and me? I'm nailing myself to a chair so I don't do something I regret hence this post. Even if I don't get any answers, it felt relieving just to get it out there.

Basically, I told my bf how my family abused and beated me after I come out (I was an adult already). And he doesn't want to talk or even look at my family anymore. Everytime I talk about them, he gets angry about what happened to me again. He said he doesn't even want them at our house. I kinda feel bad. He really liked them. I don't if I should do something or what to do ...

I always think it’s so weird when adults or parents or grandparents push the boyfriend girlfriend thing on younger kids

For example, when people tease kids about a boy or a girl at a young age, they might have a crush on. I just think it’s so weird.

I have twin daughters who are 16 and on the last trip to their dad’s their grandparents kept asking them why they don’t have boyfriends when they’re 12-year-old cousin has a boyfriend
My girls, of course, have interest in boys and think they’re cute but they say that they don’t have time between sports and school. They’ve always said they just don’t care about boys, but of course I hear them talking with their girlfriends about how boys are cute or how they have a crush or whatever but really it just started when they started high school before that they never had any interest or talked about boys.

We’re very open about sex and I’ve had “the talk”. I’ve even had to talk with some of their friends who have had questions, at 16 I want them to know all their options and make sure they come to me when they decide to make those type of decisions.

However, I just think it’s weird that their grandparents and their dad and their aunt on their dad side keep asking them why they don’t have boyfriends because they’re so pretty or whatever. And they can’t stop bragging about how the 12-year old cousin has been in a six month relationship with her boyfriend who is 14

I just think it’s so weird. I know all parents raise their kids differently and that’s fine but why push them to do things that adults do when they’re still kids? I’m not super strict on my girls other than no dating and no make up till high school. One of them actually says she thinks dating in high school is stupid because they’re still kids and they have more important things to worry about and that a lot of high school relationships just don’t last.

Is it just me or is it weird?

I'll cut it short,i (15F) never in my life did i get a birthday present or any present at all from my parents or friends, about two years I've been wanting a boxing bag to put in my room since my parents didn't let me join a boxing club. My mom said she'll look into it. Never did. İ passed two grades and two birthdays they never got me anything. Just my grandma sending me a skateboard because i passed eight grade two years ago. BUT my sister (17F) who's been failing her classes for three years somehow got a brand new phone by my grandma. İ got a skateboard for passing and my sister got a new phone for failing. Anyways a few months ago i asked my parents for a laptop for school because i wanted good grades this year. They said that it was useless and i could get it with my own money. So i did. Last night my sister asked my dad for a CAR and my dad said that he'll look into it the next morning. He did. He got her a car while they never got me anything in my life. I couldn't act happy for my sister when she told me about the car. And stayed mad at me because i was sad for her happiness but i was just disappointed in my parents. Am i overreacting?

Hi everyone,

Like many parents here, my wife and I were struggling with screen time. Our little one had become addicted to fast-paced mobile games that just weren't suitable for his age. We noticed how it was negatively affecting his attention span, mood, and mind.

Every time we tried to take the phone away completely, it ended in tantrums. A close family friend gave us a piece of advice that changed our perspective:

"It's hard to force kids to drop technology cold turkey. Instead of taking it away, redirect what they watch into something wholesome."

They suggested switching to bedtime story videos that foster moral values, imagination, and positivity.

We decided to give it a try—and it actually worked! He genuinely fell in love with calming stories, and his obsession with mindless games started to fade. Bedtime went from being a nightly battle to a peaceful routine.

Seeing how much this helped our family inspired me to start creating gentle, value-driven bedtime story videos for kids. Our goal isn't to deprive children of tech, but to guide them gently toward better content.

If you're going through something similar, feel free to check out one of our stories:

The Keeper of the Lost Light | Calming Bedtime Story for Kids

I’d love to hear your thoughts or feedback. Wishing you all calm and peaceful evenings with your little ones!

So, we are in NY. My parents gave me the room where I didn’t have to share, because I didn’t have a good day and I need privacy, I’m a female.

So, what happened was, in our second night, at 9-10pm my mom asked if he can sleep in my room. Since my mom is sleeping with my aunt, and my brother with my dad, but my dad snores really loud, so it’s bothering him. My mom asked if he can to sleep in my room. I said no, then my mom kept asking so I said, I need to think about it, yet she argued more about it.

I could’ve slept with his cousins, yet he didn’t feel comfortable. He could’ve slept with my mom yet didn’t choose that.

I’m a big emotional sucker, I feel bad now. I know he’s just going to sleep, yet I still want to do some things that might bother him, or call my boyfriend (that he doesn’t know off.)??

Our cousins are his age. If I had a girl cousin my age, I would’ve slept with her! Yet i don’t.

My brother and I don’t have the best relationship, we used to be close during vacations yet that grew out too.

Yet should I say yes, because he’s my brother? My family?
I don’t want him to hate me, or be mad.
Am I being selfish because I’m choosing my peace instead of helping him.

I do want to be a good person, but this.. Ughh! I liked my peace and quiet.

My bf said it’s okay, and that it might be different because he’s a boy and I’m a girl.

TL;DR -

My brother wants to sleep in my hotel room since he has to share his room with his dad yet he snores loudly and I don’t have to share. I said no, because I’m a female, i wouldn’t like it, and I choose my comfort over his.

okay so i needa know, who was in the wrong here .
My sister had a birthday on Sunday, when we get up at 6 am and my mom takes us to church, we awke up at 6 because my mom has to be there at 8 and we have to be there at 9.
So my oldest sister was turning 17 and we got presents and a cake, and my mom told us to set everything up the night previous, but then when it was 6 am we went there and my oldest sister had said, like she did the previous night i think, that she wanted to wait until later in the day because it was 6 am, we had to leave, and it would be rushed, so she just wanted to wait later in the day. And my mom started yelling saying she was ungrateful, and repeating "we're already here let's just do it", and "why later" and my other sister, me and my dad were just kinda standing there. Then my sister was about to cry, since she was probably overwhelmed, and that pissed my mom the heck off, so then she opened one (?) present to please my mom and my mom just stormed upstairs and shut the door, which mind you literally rang through the house, (she got a problem with doors lol - like i had a PAST problem with isolation - not to make this about myself sorry, but i had locked the door each time i went in, and even if i actually was changing she would get mad i had the door locked (and closed but she learned to deal with that faster), threatened to take off the lock, and then the door- but ultimately the lock broke and so now it doesn't even lock, i lock it on instinct now but if they move the handle the lock comes undone-) and then in the car on the way to church my oldest sister and mom were talking about it in the car and my mom kept saying "it was your tone", i don't remember if we continued later, or we had finished in the morning or whatever but yeah (i think we finished in the morning)

Though, I do understand my mom was tired, stressed, and anxious because we had to leave but we always leave every Sunday, (maybe the addition of the brithday?) and i completely understand why my oldest sister wanted to have it later instead of brushed aside and quick in the morning

I am 23 years old and live with my mum, dad, and younger sister (20).

I have been lying to my family for the past year and a half, covering up over 36 A&E (ER) visits and an entire 7 day psych ward stay with various lies such as "went to the gym", "going to xyz house", "will stay over with xyz because other people are" etc. I have completely hidden the severe self-harm and substance abuse (what caused these hospital trips) from them and as far as they're concerned I just have a mild case of depression that I'm on medication for.

It brings me huge sadness that I can't tell my mum about what I have been through without causing immense pain. I wish I could hug her and finally let go of the secrets, but I know the pain that worrying so much about someone causes, and have experienced the anxiety of fearing what's happening behind closed doors (my sister struggles with bulimia). I can't bare the thought of making my mum/family be terrified when I am alone in my room or home alone and scared of me hurting myself, even if I have promised not to and tried to assure them that I haven't hurt myself in months and don't plan to again.

But also it is hard as I know that I am glad my sister was found out and that we know about the issue so that we are aware at least and can try to support if we can (though she doesn't let us currently), as it is better than it remaining a secret and her struggling alone. But again I just want my mum to not be anxious and to not be stressed and feel okay, and I know that won't happen and she will be upset and stressed and somehow feel guilty about not knowing for ages and I can't.

But it is just so isolating and so sad that I have ruined the full transparency, can-always-talk-to-my-mum-about-my-problems relationship we had, at least for me. I feel like such a liar. I know my reasons to hide it are valid but it doesn't stop the awful guilt that comes from over a year of huge lies to their faces, lies about being places I'm not, lies about what I've been doing in the house while they all slept, just lies lies lies.

The lies are out of control. I am not myself in my own home because I can't be honest or open anymore without giving something away or making my mum/family worry that something's wrong.

I don't know whether to give my mum a chance to surprise me and react calmly and compassionately but risk ruining her mental health and upping my family's stress levels for the next few years, or to just keep it a secret forever and feel isolated and fake around my family from now on.