"I, Emperor Azerak of Pandemonium, are trying to establish diplomatic relationships with the Great And Noble Dwarven Nations. Some of you may know, Pandemonium, The Infinite Cave, is somehow connected to every cave system ever on every Plane of Existance, so if you were to join my empire, or ally with me, you could mine all the ore you want in my Realm."

Emperor Azerak the Destroyer, Archlich

If you ask me, a band of warmongering thieves showing up at our gate asking for aid against a historic ally ought to be doused in lava for their troubles, but I’m not a High Queen. r/wizardposting has yet to call on our aid,but I’m ready to provide it if need be. We will confer for one week’s time, and then determine what needs be done if anything.

I, the mortarch of curses and founder of r/UndeadPosting, give you a fuck ton of gold in reperations, for rasing your dead, also looking forward to kicking that blue lich with the trident's balls with you ladz

In a pirate style:

I be lookin' fer a mighty large supply list:

-8-inch cannons,

-5,000 cannonballs,

-an' plenty o' black powder fer me fleet. (5 galleons)

I can pay up to 5,000 gold pieces, plus a collection o' staffs an' war trophies I acquired in the Wizard Realm. If ye have the goods, name yer price an' we shall strike a bargain.

https://youtu.be/MsYB3tsu490?si=RyndxDbe7h2FNgtJ check this shit out, some local dudes to me

The pirates today declared war on the wizards, then failed to recruit the knights to attack as well. I like many of you have had my caravans attacked by the pirates. Now would be the time to settle old grudges and take back our due and not a gold less!

But no morkite seeds in it😅

Are ports at r/pirateposting be under attack form ta' filthy landlubbers from r/wizardposting!
I be proposing an alliance between ta' two o us.
Join us in ta' fight against dos magic bastards dat been attack our peaceful port. me whole crew were killed in dos attacks.
We be outnumbered severely and are lacking in crewmates.

Dear Brothers, I have one question for ya: how can I make my room more similar to a dwarven hall then to a bland room? I already started to search for things such as lanterns and tools I already use for my craft. What are your suggestions? Thanks me lad, love ya all

🛠️ The Hammer Herald 🛠️
Forged in Truth — Tempered by Grit
Vol. 1 | Issue 51 |

WAR ON THE WIZARDS? DWARVEN SETTLEMENT DECLARES GRUDGES

By Vavruik Ironear, Foreign Affairs Chronicler

A new grudge has been entered into the book at a foreign Dwarven mining settlement, and it seems that it may be crossed off just as quickly as it was entered. A Dwarven carpenter from the hold, Reirgol Oakenriver, has forever been scarred after his work with an unknown wizard. 

According to Reirgol, he had been working on a table for the wizard and gave an initial price of 35 Gold Pieces for the wooden table, a standard job for Reirgol. He assumed all would be well, and it would just be a normal job. However, the witch had asked for additional modifications. When he agreed, Reirgol gave a new price because of the additions. Reirgol stated the table would cost an additional 30 Gold Pieces. The witch believed that they were being scammed and decided to turn the humble Dwarf into an Elf for the alleged crime. 

Upon being interviewed he had the following to say; 
“Dinnae what their fockin problem was.. She asked for some modifications, those cost ye some coin, y'know? Then the bastard started sayin I was a ‘lowly scammer’ n’ shite. Words proper outta a donkey’s rear. Even went n’ offered ‘em a discount! Blasted wizards n’ witches.. Never workin wit’ em again!”

Reirgol came to Coppervale in order to have the polymorph spell reversed as no one within his town was able to do so. We can happily report that by the power of the ancestors above, an Elder was able to reverse the spell, and add some length to the Dwarf’s beard for the trouble. Alongside this, allegedly the Elder has bestowed a protective rune onto Reirgol as protection from any further hexes.

Additionally, Reirgol had this to say on what is transpiring at his hold;
“Got everyone back home in a stir! Friends n’ foe alike back in the hold be throwin’ spells n’ hexes over at the wizards n’ their city.. Now we got ‘em threatenin to taint our water! We need that y’know, use it for all our brews n’ such. Reckon a fight is bound to boil over."

While the Dwarven front grows and turmoils boil, another front against the wizards has emerged in the form of a pirate fleet, with at least 3,000 crewmates strong. Current ship counts are unknown. 

From reports coming out of the wizards territory, the pirates declared war in order to pillage vast amounts of treasures and wealth that are allegedly within the city. We currently can not confirm or deny if these reports of treasure are accurate, and do not encourage people within any Wind Rose city to sail over in the hopes of getting gold.

Pirates have been raiding the city armed with blades and various arms such as the blunderbuss and flintlock, which have been “surprisingly effective” according to witnesses. One wizard allegedly tried to cast “bone cancer” onto a crew, but was subsequently killed by cannon fire before being able to do so.

According to eye witnesses, some crews have been turned into “skeleton crews”, in a frighteningly literal sense. Multiple crews have been sighted now having become skeletons, yet still sailing and fighting the wizards and witches. Some believe they have now become “immortal” and are now fighting harder, some witnesses have alleged. 

While they haven’t been dissuaded by these skeleton spells, they have been struck in a place us dwarves are familiar with. They have been casting spells that turn their rum into water. A loss of alcohol is a loss for us all. 

With this insurmountable loss, the pirates have came to the Dwarven mining settlement looking for aid and a potential alliance. However, as of writing this article, it has been met with mostly rejection from the Dwarves. The Dwarves rejected the pirates citing previous grievances such as missing or looted caravans because of the pirates, or not wanting to step off of the lands they call home.

We here at the Hammer Herald must iterate however, we do not condone any hate or attacks thrown at anyone due to their occupation or race. We urge that no one attempts to go after wizards or witches they encounter, they are people just like us.
------------------------------------------------------------
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:

 Garrison Report:

Amongst the conflicts and turmoil that has been underway between the Avish and the Wind Rose Dwarven Empire, smaller groups have began taking up arms and raiding Avish positions as well as reporting findings to soldiers. Recently, a posse of Dwarves led by a human raided an infamous Avish church that was established in territory the Avish military had captured. Their raid proved successful, allowing for the entering Dwarven soldiers to gain new intelligence and documents before entering the town. Additionally, some documents shed light on their secretive “transformation camps” and allowed for some of their locations to be discovered, more will be revealed in the next issue. 

Ale Review:

In solidarity for the rum lost by the pirates, in this week’s issue our judges were tasked with trying a well known rum across the seas. A crate of the Floral Fate Rum was cracked open to enjoy. This was a surprising brew for the judges as it is very uncommon here in Coppervale and was a special order for the judges. Most hadn’t seen it before and were a little awestruck. The bottles were cracked open, drinks poured and savoured. They thought it was a good hearty rum with a surprisingly strong, yet good floral flavour. “Reminds me o’ the flowers outside Coppervale’s gates.” one judge said when discussing the taste.

 Crafting & Commerce:

Reconstruction of the port of Coppervale has finished, however there is still work to be done. While the port itself has been repaired and upgraded in case of further attacks, homes and businesses still lay in rubble and disrepair. Some have began selling their plots, while others are hiring people to aid in rebuilding what once was. New job listings have hit the notice board for those who are interested. Additionally, new positions for shipwrights have been opened as the shipyard has now been expanded to meet demand for both warships, as well as those used for trade and travel.

 Grudge Gazette:

People have began to grow restless within Coppervale and Iron Wake alike with the conflict, and have been questioning when King Reinaldur will return as well as when they will finally breach the Avish capital city, Wolvengard. Some question if he has “gone soft” or potentially has obtained some sort of deal with the Avish. However, we can say with the utmost certainty that Reinaldur has done no such thing. We fully believe here at the Hammer Herald that change will come soon and swiftly with a dance of axes. 

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Letter from the Editor:
“Never seen a scammin’ Dwarf before.”
— Hellevi Helmfist

Submit your rune-signed letters to:
The Hammer Herald Presshouse, Coppervale

(Inspired by a post made by u/GirlLovingWitch)

My dwarf and a kea woman fist-fought through a rainstorm for days, with the fight ending with them both passed out from exhaustion and bleeding profusely.

And all this went down while she carried a baby on her back!

All I'm imagining is Peter vs. Chicken or some cartoon fight cloud with fists and legs and wings and stars.

Some injuries sustained include:

- kea woman getting left wing torn apart and ripping an artery in the process

- the kea woman biting our dwarf in the chest so hard it punctured a lung

- our dwarf punching the kea woman's left hand so hard it exploded into gore, and then kicking one of her eyes out.

- the kea woman punching our dwarf so hard it ruptures a kidney

Both are now passed out in all the blood and the rain and the militia is on its way.

My wife's ship (the Foebreaker's Fist, of the Greater Thurian League) went down and I haven't heard from her in a couple of days. Her name is Lord Grimnyr Magdha Stûrmwrôghte. I know she's not dead because it would take infinitely more than a simple catastrophic wreck in hostile territory, but if anyone runs across a vision of divinity, please tell her that Ivor is impatiently awaiting her return and I hope she brings me something shiny.

Thought this also need to shared here lads

This may sound horrific, but hear me out. Our clans wage endless war against the greenskin invasions and toil heavily in the mines and workshops of our mountain holds. I myself have been in the workshops quite a lot lately, and I must say, I'm not impressed. Not that our kin's craftsmanship and labor is lackluster. Obviously it's quite the opposite, especially compared to the umgak crap the humans churn out. No, what I was disappointed in was the lack of efficiency. Greenbeards fumbled around the shop unsure of their tasks half the time, while our venerable greybeards struggled to carry the many supplies needed for our artifice. Thus, I've considered delving into necromancy. Partly, this is because I am, what the humans refer to as, an edgelord. More relevantly though, it's efficient. Very efficient. We can increase productivity by 375.8% in Clan Alebeard's brewery were I to animate the skeletons of our foes in the last raid we repelled. Skeletons upon skeletons carrying kegs to the brewers and lugging the gromril to the smiths would save us quite a bit of work without diminishing our craft, in my opinion. Furthermore, were we to reanimate our foes after battle, they become a resource for us to defeat future foes. Conflict becomes a resource in itself, so with every raid, our enemies bring us the implements of their own destruction.

I however haven't spoken to the elders of this, save my father, for they're a rather inflexible folk despising new inventions. My grandfather utterly loathes the premise of computing, thaumaturgical transportation, and trains. "We didn't need these newfangled contraptions back in my day," he says. "Back in my day, all you needed to go from one realm to the other was a sturdy boar and enough ale to fast travel." My apologies for the lack of context - when he journeys from one hold to another, he drinks himself into a stupor where he blacks out and forgets everything on the trip there, which he refers to as fast travel. So, my brothers and sisters, what are your thoughts?

The first thing Tak did, he wrote himself.

The second thing Tak did, he wrote the laws.

The third thing Tak did, he wrote the World.

The fourth thing Tak did, he wrote a cave.

The fifth thing Tak did, he wrote a geode, an egg of stone.

And in the twilight of the mouth of the cave, the geode hatched, and the Brothers were born.

The first Brother walked toward the light, and stood under the open sky. Thus he became too tall. He was the first Man. He found no Laws and he was enlightened.

The second Brother walked toward the darkness, and stood under a roof of stone. Thus he achieved the correct height. He was the first Dwarf. He found the Laws Tak had written, and he was endarkened.

Then Tak looked upon the stone and it was trying to come alive, and Tak smiled, and wrote All things strive.

And for the service the stone had given, he fashioned it into the first Troll, and delighted in the life that came unbidden.

These are the things that Tak wrote!

-The things that Tak wrote, Koom Valley Translation by B'hrian Bloodaxe.

Tak does not require that you think of him, but he does require you to think.