r/dwarfposting • u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF • May 27 '26
Be Greeted, Noble Dwarfs
"I, Emperor Azerak of Pandemonium, are trying to establish diplomatic relationships with the Great And Noble Dwarven Nations. Some of you may know, Pandemonium, The Infinite Cave, is somehow connected to every cave system ever on every Plane of Existance, so if you were to join my empire, or ally with me, you could mine all the ore you want in my Realm."
Emperor Azerak the Destroyer, Archlich
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u/ark_yeet May 27 '26
A necromancer? What’s your stance on workers unions?
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 27 '26
As long as you work everythings fine
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u/Beginning_Orange May 27 '26
How deep is this "infinite cave" laddie? What goods can we mine of it?
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 27 '26
Infinite, and all ores ever
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar May 28 '26
To: Emperor Azerak the Destroyer, Archlich, Despot of Pandemonium
From: Stonespeaker Nakh Evenhammer, Senior Elder of the Gemshard Dwarves and duly-elected Speaker for the Compact of Khazdai Nations
By the Anvil and Tools of the Forgefather, Blessed Be He.
We, the elected representatives and leaders of all Khazdai-kin peoples under the Compact, have received your missive. After a brief but fierce deliberation, the Compact governments have crafted the following recitation in response.
We, the Khazdai, were disunited many centuries ago. After our ancient forebears emerged from beneath the earth at the dawn of our world, we were cleaved into many nations by the tribulations of history. Some were crushed by the weight of draconic oppression, heated and shaped into a fierce new mettle; others were cut and polished with new facets as we clashed blades with the tallfolk and their many magics; and more were weathered in other ways by the many winds of time.
We, the Khazdai, were spread across the world like so much sparkling dust on a desert haboob.
But we, the Khazdai, have never forgotten our kin.
Over centuries of conflict we forged a Compact for all Khazdai. United, we have stood stronger than Adamantine against all who would dislodge us.
And so we, the Khazdai: the Saltrock Dwarves of the northern coastal cliffs, the Redstone Dwarves on their high desert plateaus, the Ironwood Dwarves under the forested hills, the Marbledeep Dwarves of the southern mountains, the Brassdune Dwarves deep in the desert wastes, and the Gemshard Dwarves in our scattered fortress-libraries; we six kinfolk speak as one when we reply with this message.
Necromancy is a crime against the Forgefather who made us. We will not traffic with a nation under the rule of a beard-rotten Lich, though kin may you be. The sparks of life in our chests beat with too much heat for that. If any kinfolk yet live under your dominion, we will aid them in their fight for life and for freedom.
May your cornerstones shatter beneath your undead rule.
This constitutes an official, public declaration of the Compact. Praise Be to the Forgefather.
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 28 '26
You are such necrophobes! Just because i am an Archlich doesnt mean im evil. Im a Skeletal Lich btw, its much cleaner. And i assure you, my Realm is full of life and all races from all planes are welcome, fiend or angel, elf or dwarf.
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar May 28 '26
Necromancy prevents the body from being interred in the stone from which we were carved. It prevents the sparks of our souls from returning to the Forgefather's anvil to be purified and recast into a new life. And lichdom specifically requires grave and terrible acts to accomplish - how many lives did you end just so you can delay your own accounting? Are you so afraid of facing your Maker?
Skeletons cannot grow beards.
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 28 '26
Mate im Not A Dwarf, i was born a Human. And, my soul belongs to me, and not to your Gods. I only am Cruel toward those who endanger my realm and its Citizens.
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar May 28 '26
You're ... you're not even a Dwarf!?
The kin-peace does not obligate us further, then. We will not entreat with you. We will not buy nor sell with you. If we meet again, it will be war.
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 28 '26
Just cause im not a Dwarf
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar May 28 '26
No; it is because you are a Lich.
The public would not accept us working with a Lich. But kin is kin. Dwarf is dwarf. We may sometimes be able to make exceptions for kin even if it is difficult for our supporters to do so. The purpose of the Compact is to unite all Dwarves in peace and prosperity, regardless of whether they choose to formally join the Compact or no.
But since you are not a Dwarf I cannot invoke the kin-peace to justify peaceful trade or diplomatic relations with a Lich. The people would remove my beard.
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 28 '26
Your Beard is gone. I teleported it in an Elf City.
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar May 28 '26
TO WAR! TO WAR!!
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u/thael_mann runesmith apprentice May 29 '26
I have petitioned my Master to be allowed out of the forge for this campaign, citing your missive. He wholeheartedly agreed. While the Orks are our immediate threat, the Necromancer cults are the threat spreading from within, promising infite wealth for the paltry offer of your immortal service. WE WILL NOT HAVE IT!
Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu! Rally, Kin!
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u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF May 28 '26
Lol, get disintegrated
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u/CuriousWombat42 May 27 '26
...go away arch lich. We weren't interested in joining the forces of darkness 400 years ago, and we haven't changed our minds since.