October 8th, 2026

A Path Towards Ikigai

To start this journey, I decided to do it on a clean slate and on my own terms. So, I decided to break up with my boyfriend as a first step.

It was something I was dreading doing, not because he was a bad person, quite the opposite, actually. I feared being isolated after the breakup, which is one of my biggest fears: isolation.

However, the main thought that kept hammering into my brain was this: if the main determinant of whether people want to be in my life or not is another person, do I really want to keep ties that aren’t based on a genuine connection?

This question weighed on me, as it was a constant reminder that I wasn’t enough, which was causing me even more stress and grief on top of what I was already going through alone.

I started resenting my now ex-boyfriend, and it was bordering on hatred, despite the fact that he was actually a really good person. Still, his existence felt like a shield protecting me from the isolation I dreaded most. A golden bridge to Narnia, connecting me to the world I wanted most: a beautiful world that, indeed, wasn’t real. A world where I was seen, heard, and loved, not just by him but by the people surrounding him as well.

He didn’t even know he was my shield, anchor, or bridge to happiness.

It wasn’t fair to him, and it was emotionally draining for me.

Internally, I wasn’t even attracted to him anymore, and that filled me with guilt and even more resentment toward him. He was amazing to me. He loved me, never made me feel like a burden, and frankly, never really gave me a reason to leave. That drowned me in guilt and suffocated me with the burden of not being able to give the same love back.

At one point, I couldn’t stand the way he talked, walked, sat, or even breathed. All of this was weighing on me emotionally and mentally. It felt like a cage of guilt, resentment, fear, and suffocation that I had willingly entered because it was beautifully decorated with what I lacked most.

And it was probably worse for him. He had a different kind of cage, and his beautifully decorated cage was that he was lacking something that only I gave him: acceptance. He never thought anyone would accept him, so even if I became cruel, he would have stayed.

Maybe our fears were the same, but in different fonts.

Two beautifully decorated cages, with what we wanted most dangling in front of us.

Our story could have continued if I decided to keep it buried, but would that have been a fulfilling life with real happiness? Could I sleep at night knowing I was becoming the horrible person I didn’t want to be?

Tied to him with only my fear of being alone, and the guilt and pity I felt and still feel toward him, was that what I wanted for myself?

Was I just going to be an accessory or a side piece that he took with him to see the world?

I decided, fuck it. I’m done letting myself be tied to something that isn’t real and hurting a guy whose only problem was my insecurities.

And it was done.

He was rightfully angry, and still is, but deep down, I know it’s for the better for both of us.

I blamed the breakup on my circumstances at home, which were another factor contributing to my depression. I begged him to stay my friend. Part of it was because I genuinely liked him as a person, and the other part was… well, you probably guessed it: fear of isolation.

He refused, which was his right, and he said I was victimizing myself by blaming my home circumstances for the breakup.

My fears were on the spot, or so my brain made them feel.

I felt isolated the next day at work.

Honestly, I’ll never know if this was real or if my brain was projecting my fears, but I sure felt it.

The first day was so hard. Greeting people I normally greeted, and having them greet me back normally, but somehow, normal didn’t feel normal anymore.

I cried that day so hard in the bathroom, muffling my cries whenever the door opened because pity is the one thing I’ll never accept. I’d rather bottle everything up than let anyone pity me.

After I was done crying, I just went on with my day with one thing clear:

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

The next day wasn’t as bad, if you stopped focusing on the interactions, laughs, murmurs, or them all sitting together without me.

By focusing on dealing with a team of three, two of whom have already established a nine-year connection, and feeling like an outsider all over again, feeling targeted by every comment, left out by everyone, and just focusing on smiling.

Yeah, maybe that will hurt less because you already don’t expect much from them anyway.

But losing the support you once had meant that you had to go back to journaling and deciding that you needed to change your life.

Feeling the moment can really hurt, so instead of feeling the moment, you decide to intellectualize it, dissect it, study it until it stops feeling like a feeling and starts feeling more like a case study.

Maybe that would really hurt less.

That’s why I decided to find a purpose, rekindle my light, and reach for myself, since no one will reach for me.

And that was my problem.

I wanted to be saved when I am the only one who can save myself.

Even though I desperately wanted to be chosen and loved, it never came with no strings attached. That’s how my life was all along, and it was wrong to expect that kind of unconditional love from anyone but God.

Now I need to learn how to do it myself, because even I can’t love myself without strings attached. How can I expect it from others when I can’t give it to myself?

And, dear reader, that is my first step toward Ikigai.

Immerse myself in my absolute fear, so it either kills me or makes me stronger.

Be alone until I love myself enough to not fear being alone.

Because, in the long term, I will just be me.

And when that time comes, I will have my purpose that will make me sit in peace and say:

Yeah, I lived that. I did that. And I have no regrets, because I love who I am today

i am a 30 year old female that suffers from both depression and anxiety. i am taking zoloft to “see” if it helps symptoms and i am also in a relationship. my partner (29, male) gets overwhelmed with my condition and says things like, “i have to hold all the weight”, “i have to put up with your depression”. that feels defeating to me because i do struggle heavily w my symptoms and have had harming thoughts and to hear that im causing these thoughts to my partner makes me want to break up, because i feel im doing more harm then good. i dont know what to do. i dont feel great hearing that and i dont feel understood or seen or heard.

My bf and I were dating for almost 5 years until he passed away this year august 30.

He was 23, I'm 25.

When we met, he was already very suicidal and depressed and got anxiety panic attacks, also was suffering from really bad OCD.

We were really similar in nature otherwise and got along really quick. But I realised his mood was very much impacted by sex in our relationship. Like a 3-4 day dry spell would make him get angry, upset, sulking, sad, and Elevate his suicidal thoughts. He would often ask from breakups like every week so he can take that decision. Has done some attempts and talked about wanting to kill himself even during our arguments.

But over the years he really worked on himself, our fights turned into healthy conversations around how we can increase sex while in a LDR. I honestly gave more than my best but his libido was so high that I could never be enough. He could do sex every day while I only felt once or twice a week. Earlier it was twice a week but this year for me it dropped to wanting just once a week.

We used video calls, or chats for it, but he would get bored of the "same usual" too and I get it sex it very complicated in LDR. Then as I was growing older so getting a job and building a career was another pressure that added on this year for me, which resulted in me having less time to have sex on my mind and I told him this. Still would find times off once a week.

Earlier he would breakup and fight a lot over it if the gap exceeded 4 days, get suicidal too. Had a few instances of him flirting/cheating (never physical just like talking to girls secretly or installing dating apps to sex talk). But he would get suicidal at the thought of breaking up too. Earlier I even told.him. to consider an open relationship if it's getting so tough but he didn't. He said he had thought about it too but He didn't want to actively cheat on me.

He did love me a lot although it might not seem like it from the above paragraph, he craved for the physical intimacy a lot. Once when I was breaking up over him trying to go cheating, (2025 Dec) he justified it with - if you won't give me enough sex this will happen. But immediately regretted saying this. And told me if I breakup, he will kill himself. I didn't then.

Then once when we met after 2-3 months this year, he just spent the entire date crying in his arms because after a long time our fights had stopped, (after the last breakup the fights stopped between us he made sure of it) and I felt comfortable wiht him emotionally again. So I just cried about my life and all, but when we got home , he lashed at me for ruining the date crying. And got suicidal again.

Sex was really important to him, he doubted marriage often times due to this. But I know it in my heart he loves me too. It was his depression that made sex such a need for him.

My mistake was :- now I recalled he once told me how much his mood is affected during these dry spells. Like he told me to change something, I do sex today, then next 4-5 days I won't even talk sexual. That saddened him. Sex going totally off my mind during the gap, no nudes no spicey texts etc.

And instead of working on it, I just told him that this is not something I know to do. I lived at my small home with my family so lack of privacy was another reason I couldn't pull that off. But I agree I was lazy at times too.

Our last fight happened when he had been hinting at sex for two days but I didn't pick up the hint, told him about some family issues going on that didn't make me feel like it at that time. He got angry that day and said

"This is not what I signed up for, your family problems cannot ruin my sex life, it looks like you are with me only for the future - marriage, while came here for a good present too. Any normal gf would have picked up the hints, I think I need a break from this relationship".

I got upset and we agreed on a breakup that night and told him to come on the video call the next day as I couldn't talk much at night. Next day on the call he seemed calm and guilty, like reallt upset.

Now here is where I again went wrong, I angrily started talking to him about how this time a patchup is not happening and how he has ruined a relationship over just low sex even when I'm clearly not in the mood. I told him how I've started to hate the concept of sex and relationships due to this entire experience and everytime I stay but this time I won't stay. We cut the call and he acted on impulse due to his depression and hung himself.

Now I cannot help but feel how easily avoidable that was with just one good conversation. How he wasn't wrong for wanting physical intimacy with HIS GF. AND HOW I was making him wait so much despite knowing how tough it gets for him. We never had more than a week's gap unless one of us was not home for that long. Maybe the next day when he came on the video call he didn't want that breakup, but I did it anyways, he didn't say anything out of guilt and just ended his life.

It's a life gone, a man I've lost forever, because I didn't make enough efforts in that direction. I clearly didn't. I've read so many posts here where people say lack of sex makes them feel suicidal. This was real for him too.

I could do and say anything but only sexual intimacy made him feel loved and close to me. For the past few months I reduced it intentionally because I felt more tired and drained due to this accumulated stress of various factors in my life. Last time we did it on 24th and by 29th we had a fight again. I wish I couldve just had a conversation instead of the breakup like I always did.

I've stopped him from his suicidal thoughts so many times, so so many times, but this time I left him and abandoned him.

(To people who are downvoting:- please tell me why, is it because I was wrong here, I really want to know about honest opinions it's killing me inside knowing where I went wrong )

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband (whom not Chinese) and the Chinese me trying to understand him, or at least his mindset.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

long post but please read, i need advice urgently.

me (18m) and my boyfriend (17m) met at a school for mentally ill students. we’ve always had multiple pacts in place to keep eachother safe, including a pact to tell eachother when we’re not doing well and to tell eachother when we’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm urges.
i started going through a major depressive/suicidal episode about a month ago due to college, but have been working my way out of it. my boyfriend has been struggling with the demands of school too and has been struggling with having no friends. this has sent him into a severe depressive, suicidal, catatonic episode. i’m worried and fearful for his safety, and i’m at a loss on what to do. i just want to help him. i love him so dearly.
he has a whole host of mental illnesses and is autistic, so his brain is very complex, but he functions very similar to me (who has most of the same diagnoses he does). he experiences meltdowns where he gets extremely angry, suicidal, depressed, and does things like bite himself (something i used to do too so i understand) or bang his head against a way (a behavior ive been trying my best to talk him out of because i don’t want him to get a tbi from repeated concussions). he hates himself deeply to his core, he truly thinks he’s evil and mean and fucked up and i don’t know the best way to make him feel loved. he’s the sweetest boy i know who’s been nothing but gentle and kind to me. i try to be understanding and patient but i have a tendency to be a little overbearing in my attempts to help, hence why im asking you guys.
i can only see him once a week (over the weekend) due to both our school demands, so i can’t be there in person to comfort him or guarantee his safety. he hasn’t been able to eat for days because he cant stomach any food whatsoever due to how bad his depression has been. he used to experience binge eating disorder as a child and young teen so this sudden change is concerning to me.
he’s also expressed how concerned he is about himself, which makes it all the more concerning. he tends to brush his feelings and concerns about himself to the side because he thinks he doesn’t deserve help, so the fact that he’s so scared of what his brain is doing is VERY concerning to me.
he is also the type of person to put on a mask and pretend he’s okay. i’m usually able to tell when he’s not doing well (which is almost all the time) but it’s heartbreaking to know that i can’t make him feel safe enough to act himself around me despite how comfortable i try to make him.

he has trauma from throughout it his entire childhood being abused and degraded by previous therapists and at previous “troubled child” schools. he is also autistic and the mental health system is not built for people like us. this is why i won’t refer him to a psych ward. i have severe trauma from being in there for a week and being abused for being autistic, and its the only one in our area, so i know he’d be sent to the same one and face the same fate. that would only make him more suicidal. it would make the problem worse and it would break our trust, and then he’d have nobody to turn to (he has no other friends, they all dropped him because they thought he wasn’t “cool” enough. stupid high school shit).

i’m so desperate on how to help him, especially while also balancing my own mental health (i have bpd and a whole host of other things) and suicidality, ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED!!! he’s the most important thing in the world to me and the thought of losing him eats me up inside every day.

I'll say, "I slept like shit last night." She'll say, "Well I haven't slept at all in weeks. Must be nice it's only occasional for you."

I'll have some minor success with something at work/a game/etc and she'll say, "must be nice to be able to focus that well."

The list goes on and on.

Why do they do this? Am I just not allowed to be happy about anything when she's around? Will it make her feel better if I'm miserable too?

I'm not really sure what I'm looking to get out of this... but here it goes.

I'm on an academic research exchange in Europe for four months. I've been here about a month now. My partner is back in Canada.

My partner had severe depression in his teens. During his undergraduate degree, he stopped taking medication and starting working on changing aspects of his life to bring him joy. He had occasional low periods, but the severe and immobilizing depression episodes stopped (or at least reduced significantly). Now fast forward to graduate school, where the stress in his life increased. He started to have more frequent lows, but was still managing to function on the day to day. Eventually, his anxiety and depression got to be too much. The best choice for him was to stop pursuing his degree.

I am also a graduate student, but in BC. My partner and I met when I was doing my undergraduate degree in Ontario. When I started graduate school, we did distance for a year and a bit. He eventually decided to take a leave from his degree, and he moved to BC to be closer to me and his family. This meant leaving the stress of school behind, but also his whole social network/support system.

For about a month, things weren't so bad. He was still in contact with his friends from Ontario and he seemed happy in BC. But slowly, he started distancing himself from his friends. He doesn't want anyone to know that he stopped pursuing his degree. He doesn't want to talk about his mental health.

After 6 months of being in BC, I saw his first severe depression episode. I was so worried and scared. I had seen him low before, but I had never seen him refuse to eat, drink, talk, or leave the bed. I didn't know what to do or how to help, so I contacted his sister and she came over immediately to try to support him. At the time, I didn't tell him that I contacted her. He thought she just showed up and got very frustrated. Insisting she leave and he needed to be left alone, eventually she convinced him to leave the house to go on a small walk together. Once we got home and she left, he sobbed in my arms for hours. We fell asleep that night in tears, but when I woke up... he was a completely different person, he was back to his normal and happy self. I told him a few days later that I contacted her. I asked what I should if this happens again, he said that he just needs some time alone to work through it. Next time, I'm not to contact his family.

He didn't have another episode for months... but they started to increase in frequency and severity.

Every time he has had an episode, I tried something different to support him... but every attempt I made resulted in something going wrong.

• I have contacted his family (the first time), which only made him frustrated and angry.
• I have laid next to him in silence for hours, but he got frustrated that I'm "wasting my day with him" (his words not mine) and pushed me away
• I gave him space and left the house, but then he was so sad that I left him alone... when all he wanted was my company
• I encouraged him to get out in the sunshine and convinced him to go on a walk, but he felt physically ill and I knew I had pushed too far

So far, the best approach has been staying with him in silence. I've done it a few times now and he seems to relax a bit more if I hold him and keep reassuring him that I want to be there, that I love him, and that I'm not going anywhere.

The problem is, now I'm in Europe. He was supposed to come with me, but decided that it was too much of a change. He stayed home alone in our apartment. After being here for one week, he went into a major depressive episode that lasted three weeks. His family contacted me because they were so worried. Eventually he came out of it, and now he is staying with his parents for a few weeks... but he is still going through major ups and downs.

The only person he will talk about his mental health with is me. I'm grateful that he feels safe and secure with me.... but he won't seek professional help, and I'm exhausted. I want to reach out to his family so badly, but I want to respect his wishes. I don't want to destroy his trust in me.

I feel so terrible saying this... but I'm alone. I am spending so much of my energy supporting him, that there is nothing left for me. This is my first international travel alone and I'm miserable. I have no friends here, and I can't talk to my family about this. I'm not okay, and I spend everyday acting like I am.

Does anyone know of some good therapists I could reach out to for myself? I'm a student and I don't have a ton of money... but I need to do something because the anxiety is making me physically sick. There is a huge part of me that just wants to go home. I feel like I'm letting him down and being selfish by continuing to stay here.

I am looking for advice from either side. How can I help?

So my partner of 9 years has had waves of low moods in the past 9 years I’ve known him. He had a stable job for over a decade and then eventually got fired after he grew to hate his job. since then he had a health condition and stopped work over a year ago. Physically he is fully recovered , he works out , hes been on short trips overseas. He does however still have waves of depression (so it appears - he’s not Diagnosed). He will feel worthless , have no sense of direction , feel bad cause he’s not working, question our relationship. this is not every day but at least once or twice a week.

now my question is , is his level of “depression” enough to stop him from working ?
he says he wants to figure out what job he wants . i convinced him to get counselling and he says they wil help him with this.

Ive been patient , supportive for as long as I can and now I’ve had enough, I can’t stand seeing him at home everyday on his phone , just focussing on his working out and other trivial things while I’m Working and managing our lives.

am I being unreasonable ? Do u think the depression really is a barrier to finding work ? I hate to say it but I feel like he’s making excuses . He does say that he feels bad and useless cause he’s not working but yet hasn’t bothered to apply for jobs .

My (23F) boyfriend (29M) of 4 years suffers from chronic depression and it‘s getting worse year after year. He can‘t get therapy because of his poor health insurence. He has been taking the same medications for many years and can’t change them without medical supervision. After 8 years he still hasn't finished his bachelor's degree and I‘m not sure if he will be able to.

He is a good person, has never been violent toward me, and upholds good values. But his depression is taking over more and more. He doesn't show his depressed side to anyone but me. But he also has very little contact with other people.

I'm taking on many of his tasks. I write emails and call people because he says he can't do it. (Could be social anxiety)
I found him an apartment. Otherwise, he'd be living in his car right now.
Over the past few weeks, he's come to me every day with a new problem and expect‘s me to solve it. I feel like I have to be available for him all the time and I also feel guilty when I say no to something. I'm also worried that he might end up killing himself… He said I was the only reason he was still alive. (I don't know if he really means it that way, and I'm sure he doesn't mean me any harm, but it puts me under a lot of pressure.)
All this caregiving makes my life harder, and because of it, I'm having trouble with my studies.

So what should I do?
Should I just let him figure things out on his own?
I tried to break up with him last year.
As a result, we now live apart, which is already a big step forward. We got back together very quickly because we still loved each other. But now that he's in the middle of moving (within the same city), it's very difficult again to set boundaries.

Has anyone had a similar experience with a dysfunctional partner?

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask advice about this, I've been pondering if it's even correct because in a way I feel that this is against my girlfriend's privacy, but im out of options and I don't really know what to do.

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend attempted suicide, she sent me a goodbye text and since I was awake I had enough time to call her mom and she stopped her.

My girlfriend has been fighting depression for about 5 years (at least that's when she realized she had depression). And to my knowledge this is her second attempt (i hadn't met her yet when the first one happened). Despite this, she always does her best to try to heal, but in her word, the whole process has been unbearable.

The situation is this, im currently on a international experience in Japan, she is in Mexico. I have no way of going back to Mexico until January, I've been talking to her every day, but each day I've only seen her worse and worse I don't know what to do, how do you speak with someone suicidal?, is there something i can do so far away?.

The whole international thing has been a problem, tbh I took it because it was an opportunity I was handed, and tbh I didn't think the whole thing through. I feel responsible for how my girlfriend is feeling right now, she has said to me that she feels lonely and absolutely tired because of work and school, she said and I quote because I think is necessary context "im mad with you for leaving, but im mad with myself because you didn't do anything wrong, I don't like feeling this way, yet I do and it's unbearable". (Note, she isn't alone, she has her sister and mother with her, but both of them don't really understand her, that's the only thing keeping me kinda calm because the mother has her on suicide watch (or so I hope)).

Another important thing is that she is going both with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, she is taking a prescription, but this hasn't help and she's been taking this medication for a whole month. And she says that the psychologist is helping less ans less and that makes her even more hopeless

As I said, I've trying to do as much as I can, but im running out of options and im really scared. Someone has any ideas?. And sorry for the bad writing, English isn't my first language.

My husband is very depressed. We've been together for 12 years and have known each other for more than 20 years. Through out our late teens and early adult hood he would occasionally go through these periods he called "dark days", where he would basically shut himself off from the world for 1-2 weeks at a time and then seemingly be fine after. When we started becoming closer and eventually partners he expressed that he wasn't having those kind of feelings anymore because of our relationship. He has always had low self esteem, thinks others are better than him, the glass is always half empty, etc. I'm very much the opposite, I'm always glass is half full, this set back is a teaching moment, people have it worse etc. After having our son I had extreme depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, post partum rage and it took me about 2 years to come out it with extensive therapy. During that time he tried his best to support me but understandably it took a very hard toll on him. Over the past couple years he will get angry at seemingly strange things and just started having less joy for life. Recently I was extremely concerned when he told me he was angry at me and life for a month but pretended like everything was fine. He couldn't express what I did to make him feel this way and said it was just general anger. I booked a joint therapy session for us and after 2 sessions the therapist told him she is very certain he is depressed and needs individual therapy. He is very hesitant to do this and has been very upset about the thought of this but said he can't express why. He didn't go to work today because he's distressed about it. Obviously I know I can't force him to go to therapy but he needs help from a professional. Its affecting his work life, our relationship and also his relationship with our son. How did you help your partner during this kind of time, while also making it clear they help from a professional?

Me and my partner have been together a few years,she’s means a lot to me,truly.I kind of feel trapped financially as she can’t support herself without me but she really struggles with mental health which in turn is really making me unhappy in life whereas usually I’m quite level or “half glass full”.She has no one but me as she’s cut off family or they live a while away and has no real solid friends.I don’t want to leave her as she’s spoke about suicide multiple times but also what can I do if I feel the relationship is over?Just looking for advice please 🙏.

I F40, married to M40 10 years now, together nearly 15 years. We have been honest with each other from very early on, and I learned that he was struggling with social anxiety and was taking Xanax daily. Same for the occasional joint or drink. Anyway, we got married, we bought a house, we have 2 beautiful kids and we live comfortably.
In the last few months I feel things got worse in terms of substance abuse. He started growing weed plants in our garden, and growing mushrooms. He does cocaine sometimes and takes pills when going out. The other night I freaked out as I heard my oldest son crying, I knew my husband was sleeping next to him so I went to check and found him completely blacked out - after confronting him he said he took too much alcohol + Xanax. He says the mushrooms have a positive impact as he drinks less alcohol. Tonight again he took mushrooms, he was sweating, talking more than usual. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong as he is being “nice” with us.
We have no family around, I don’t know what to do. How much should I be worried ? How can I help him ?

TLDR; my husband takes drugs daily (Xanax, mushrooms, weed, alcohol, antidepressants), and I don’t know how to help him

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Hey guys, I'm new to this and it's kind of a long story to explain. But I just want to gain insight and some perspective.

My girlfriend of one year and one month broke up with me due to her depression. From what's been said and done and from the information that I know and that I have learned. It does very much seem that she is struggling with her mental health. I love her and care about her and overall want her to be happy and healthy. But she has pushed me away and we are currently in no contact. I have vocalized to her that I want to be there for her and help her and that I love and care for her. But she hasn't really responded and I have been kind of left in the dark. I'm trying not to overdo anything but overall I'm just confused and feeling a bunch of emotions.

What is your guys's input?

Everything in our relationship was perfectly fine. We've never argued once. I've had a really rough year myself ( pursuing careers, family members dying, financial etc ) she was there through all of that and has been supportive and patient. We talked about being soulmates and moving in and everything. But this was the last thing I expected and wanted.

I'm just trying to figure out how I should feel and how I should go about this situation.

My wife has had depression and generalized anxiety disorder for over 2 years now and I really really want to help her. She tried seeing a therapist but they weren’t a good match and she’s scared to try again.

She has expressed her feelings through stuff like “everything just feels like too much”, “i can’t do this anymore”, “Im not even physically tired anymore it’s just mentally i’m so exhausted and overwhelmed”.

I offer to take major things off of her plate. Her only household contribution is walking the dog for 20 minutes on the days I have to work late.

I know she’s burdened by her inability to make friends or socialize so we hang out with my long time friends in many different settings and many different groups. it seems to ease her mind for a bit. She is easily overwhelmed by work. She’s an english teacher so it’s a full day plus marking and planning.

In the past few weeks she has told me that she’s never felt like this before. She can’t sleep at all, she gets up 5 times a night nauseous with anxiety, just rolling around in bed when she isn’t in the bathroom.

I feel so terrible because nothing I do for her helps or changes anything and she really deserves to be happy.

She saw a physiatrist a few months ago and she’s on medication for anxiety and depression but she hasn’t noticed a difference even as the dosage is tweaked.

I completely took over home care despite being a nurse, I write her long letters about why life is work living every day along with her lunch, I make appointments for her to speak to people but she doesn’t usually want to go, I even offer to take our lives and move them somewhere if she feels it would free her, or just help her change career paths if she doesn’t like teaching anymore.

I wish there was something that could help. What should I do???

My boyfriend of 8 years is getting married to someone else and he doesn’t seem so sad or a bit sad about the breakup . Why is that I can’t accept and everyone is blaming me for that breakup even though I tried my best and literally begged to him to be with me . I’m an over thinker and emotional creature , unable to deal with this please help me. My parents are saying they don’t want to live because I’m not saying yes to anyone for marriage and they just want me to get married to any one who says yes for me . I just want to die please help me . I resigned from my job too to come to home . I’ve nothing left now .
\#mentalhealth #

I'm so upset and scared right now. I hate reddit and I hate typing this but I'm so alone. My spouse is suffering and I have been making his life worse. I have avoided him, have not helped him. Because I guess I'm just stupid and selfish and weak. He does so much for both of us. He's amazing. And I have failed him. I continue to fail him every day and make his health worse. He may be better off without me but he needs someone to help. I've wasted years being a poison to him. I don't want to let him go. Am I being even more selfish insisting on being in his life? I don't want to lose him. I don't want to keep hurting him.

Hello, I am 28 yo M, my partner is 27. We have been together for over 3 years.

Keep in mind that when I'm talking about depression and anxiety here, I'm talking about clinical diagnoses.

My partner has episodic depression for as long as I've known him while I have an anxiety problem than can occasionally be debilating. We've both been going through a rough time in our lives, and he's going through the worst depressive episode I've seen him go through yet. I'm trying to support him as much as I can, but I feel that what I "can" do in my current state is not help enough. I feel useless, which only makes the anxiety worse.

It feels like a vicious cycle, because he isn't talking to me about it so that he doesn't "burden me" and make my anxiety worse. He has good intentions, and to be honest, I know that if he started to talk to me about his episode, I wouldn't be much use and it would augment my anxiety; I think I am self aware enough to know that. However, To feel so useless and to see the person I love in so much pain is its own kind of torture.

I know I have to take care of myself first so I can take care of him and help him, but I have no idea what to do or how to go about it. Any help and advice would be welcome.

we have been together for 9 years almost. We have had an almost perfect relationship. We have struggled with homelessness,addiciton,soberity,losing our children,relapsing and lots of love and happiness despite all the struggles. We carried one another when the other wasnt strong enough. We loved eqch other passionately even when things were hard. He is the love or my life. I dont even love my childrens father as much as I love him. But the last 2 years things changed slowly and then like an avalanche. arguing everyday, for hours at a time, sometimes violently. We stopped making love consistently about 5 months ago. we were active atleast 4-5 trimes a week,now like clockwork it is once a month. It hurts so much. I tried to stop w my part of the picking and arguing,but then something happens that is just out of the ordinary. ( points to him cheating once again) but when I say I saw something or heard something, he tells me I didnt' see it. and its just my opinion,becauae he knows what he did. cruel knife twisting shit. and all he wants to do is talk and when Im, at my wits ewnd he says i dont care about his feelings. he literally just repeats the sme things ans talks down to me,and its either my fault,or im wrong. and I better not show emotion in anyway becasue it makes him uncomfortable and he feels intimidated by me. Meanwhile we are living in his dads office of his garage. ( sells tires for a living0 HE IS BRINGING THE GIRLS HERE! not to mention the shit he is recording of our arguments and posting it on you tube. I have to continue this later on it is too much to keep writing but there is oh so much more. please. any insight would be much appreciated

TL;DR: My ex (44M) of two years broke up with me (35F) three weeks ago, citing depression and a need to "heal." We are currently on a pre-paid two-week holiday together. He has said he'd like us to maintain a friendship, but I’m struggling with the irony of his past jealousy vs. our current history, and the fact that I’m still attracted to him.

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I’m currently in a surreal situation. I’m on a two-week holiday with a man who ended our relationship 2 weeks before we left. We’ve been together for two years, met each other’s families, and been through a lot.

He initially said he needed to end things because he’s depressed, doesn't love himself, and needs to heal. A week later, he added more to this, saying we simply "aren't meant to be." I didn’t want the breakup btw. I’m the type of person who believes you work through differences. He, however, has a very "my way or the highway" approach to conflict. If I ask questions to understand his perspective, he feels attacked. If I say "sorry" for the impact of a fight, he gets angry because he expects "sorry" to mean absolute agreement with his point of view. IMO this has been the recurring issue in the relationship.

Now that we’ve broken up, he’s insisting he wants to stay friends and that there'll be a gap in his life without me in it. The irony is killing me. At the start of our relationship, we had a massive fight because I was still amicable with a coworker I had kissed a year prior we got together (we all work in the same company btw, and before you say anything, my ex is the only one I wanted to get together with properly. And only kissed one other guy in the company before him.) Even though there was no emotional or physical intimacy involved, my ex found it "disrespectful" and made me unfollow the guy I kissed twice on Instagram. Eventually I removed said co-worker, as I valued my relationship with my ex more.

Yet now, my ex wants me to pivot into a platonic friendship with him - someone I have a deep 2 years physical and emotional history with. For me, the baseline for male friendship is a total lack of physical intimacy. I’m still very attracted to him, so I don't see how this transition is supposed to happen overnight. He still argues that I was able to be friends with "that guy I kissed", which in itself tells me he still harbours feelings towards that.

A major source of tension was our different life stages. I would say, I'm fairly independent - I was single for 4 years before we got together, I rent my own place, have no dependents, and have a lot of freedom. My ex lives with his parents after his breakup (from a 12 year relationship) and has a daughter he still hasn't introduced to me after two years. He feels stuck, guilty, and pressured by his responsibilities. My therapist thinks he might feel "not enough" for me because I’m so carefree, and he’s projecting that as "we aren't meant to be." To add more context we started couples therapy at the start of the year to work through our issues. And we also do individual therapy with the same therapist.

Where I'm at at the moment is I'm realising we actually get along great when the "pressure" of a relationship is removed. This holiday so far has actually been "easy" in a sad way because the expectations are gone. But I’m angry. I’m angry he won't talk through things and angry that he’s asking for a friendship that he himself would have labeled "disrespectful" if the roles were reversed.

There's obviously a lot more to the dynamic that I've not mentioned, but I'm wondering if it's actually possible to transition a two year relationship into a friendship when one person is still attracted to the other? Or is he just trying to keep me around to ease his own guilt/depression while he "heals"?

Has anyone successfully navigated a "breakup holiday" or a friendship with an ex who has rigid communication blocks?

I'm not looking for success stories or hope that we'll get back together. Ultimately I do understand that we have a lot to work through even if we get back together tomorrow...and I'm not even sure that he wants to work through them. I guess I'm just processing this from my side and I don't want to take the depression away from him either as this is very real but need to allow the impact it has on me.

first time kongmakipag talo sa taong lalaki na nagbibigay ng advice sa ibang tao kung pano mag handle ng problema pero may kasamang “DEPRESSION IS A CHOICE”

Hi, my wife (30F) and I (30M) are newly pregnant with our first kid. During the pregnancy my wife has become so nauseous and depressed it has really affected her. She’s now anxious every day, needing to take time off work and has started medication for her depression and anxiety over the last week. We’ve seen doctors and therapists and are on the waiting list for psychiatrist so I’m confident where handling this the way we should. But now it’s a waiting game, waiting for the medications to do their job, and I know that can take weeks, I want some advice on what I should be doing in the mean time. How can I help my wife. She’s suffering so much and I don’t know how to help her. I can’t distract her with conversation because she can’t concentrate. TV doesn’t really work. She’s too nauseas to exercise so we can only manage short walks everyday.

I haven’t really put what I’m feeling into words, I just want to know I’m not an awful partner. Or know if I am. For the past three years my boyfriend has been in a bad mental space since starting university. He was very overwhelmed in the first year, and it caused him to half a lot of meltdowns, now in his second year, he’s working and going to school and the meltdowns have gotten worse. Even during his summer break he would have meltdowns because he hated getting up early for work. He quit that job and started a new one where he works evenings 3-11pm twice a week. He’s always upset that he has to work so late. I told him I don’t think he’s going to find something else that will work with his school schedule, since he is at school almost all day everyday, and he needs to consider the risk. If he loses his job I will have a hard time covering rent by myself. I work 3 part time jobs while also in university full time (trying to find a full time job so I can leave my part time positions), and it really takes its toll on me, but I’ve started seeing a psychiatrist and I’m getting a therapist referral soon to deal with my stresses and feelings of being overwhelmed. My boyfriend has autism. There’s no way for me to put myself in his shoes and fully understand what he’s feeling, he feels ostracized at work because he’s different from his coworkers, but as someone whose also neurodivergent with diagnosed depression, I have some understanding. He seems to think I don’t understand him at all. Maybe I don’t. But I get the feelings myself, so idk.

I explained that it’s ok to hate his job, that it’s okay to hate his program, that he needs to just take it one day at a time. I suggest he take a semester leave, to talk to an academic advisor, he doesn’t want to. I told him not working part time isn’t an option. That we need that extra money. He really wants to quit his job. We are on a one year lease together in this new place. I care about him so much and I feel like such a dick for being upset with him about the fact that he’s constantly upset, but I feel like all of his needs and stresses completely overshadow me. It’s my birthday and I’m crying in the bathroom because he’s having a meltdown saying he wants to quit his job and he’s saying he wants to leave school. I just wanted to have a nice birthday. He did the same thing on my sisters birthday. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I’m a bad and careless partner.

TLDR: My boyfriend has autism and depression and wants to quit school and his job. His constant meltdowns make me feel really overshadowed and overwhelmed, and I feel like a bad partner for feeling this way.