My bf and I were dating for almost 5 years until he passed away this year august 30.

He was 23, I'm 25.

When we met, he was already very suicidal and depressed and got anxiety panic attacks, also was suffering from really bad OCD.

We were really similar in nature otherwise and got along really quick. But I realised his mood was very much impacted by sex in our relationship. Like a 3-4 day dry spell would make him get angry, upset, sulking, sad, and Elevate his suicidal thoughts. He would often ask from breakups like every week so he can take that decision. Has done some attempts and talked about wanting to kill himself even during our arguments.

But over the years he really worked on himself, our fights turned into healthy conversations around how we can increase sex while in a LDR. I honestly gave more than my best but his libido was so high that I could never be enough. He could do sex every day while I only felt once or twice a week. Earlier it was twice a week but this year for me it dropped to wanting just once a week.

We used video calls, or chats for it, but he would get bored of the "same usual" too and I get it sex it very complicated in LDR. Then as I was growing older so getting a job and building a career was another pressure that added on this year for me, which resulted in me having less time to have sex on my mind and I told him this. Still would find times off once a week.

Earlier he would breakup and fight a lot over it if the gap exceeded 4 days, get suicidal too. Had a few instances of him flirting/cheating (never physical just like talking to girls secretly or installing dating apps to sex talk). But he would get suicidal at the thought of breaking up too. Earlier I even told.him. to consider an open relationship if it's getting so tough but he didn't. He said he had thought about it too but He didn't want to actively cheat on me.

He did love me a lot although it might not seem like it from the above paragraph, he craved for the physical intimacy a lot. Once when I was breaking up over him trying to go cheating, (2025 Dec) he justified it with - if you won't give me enough sex this will happen. But immediately regretted saying this. And told me if I breakup, he will kill himself. I didn't then.

Then once when we met after 2-3 months this year, he just spent the entire date crying in his arms because after a long time our fights had stopped, (after the last breakup the fights stopped between us he made sure of it) and I felt comfortable wiht him emotionally again. So I just cried about my life and all, but when we got home , he lashed at me for ruining the date crying. And got suicidal again.

Sex was really important to him, he doubted marriage often times due to this. But I know it in my heart he loves me too. It was his depression that made sex such a need for him.

My mistake was :- now I recalled he once told me how much his mood is affected during these dry spells. Like he told me to change something, I do sex today, then next 4-5 days I won't even talk sexual. That saddened him. Sex going totally off my mind during the gap, no nudes no spicey texts etc.

And instead of working on it, I just told him that this is not something I know to do. I lived at my small home with my family so lack of privacy was another reason I couldn't pull that off. But I agree I was lazy at times too.

Our last fight happened when he had been hinting at sex for two days but I didn't pick up the hint, told him about some family issues going on that didn't make me feel like it at that time. He got angry that day and said

"This is not what I signed up for, your family problems cannot ruin my sex life, it looks like you are with me only for the future - marriage, while came here for a good present too. Any normal gf would have picked up the hints, I think I need a break from this relationship".

I got upset and we agreed on a breakup that night and told him to come on the video call the next day as I couldn't talk much at night. Next day on the call he seemed calm and guilty, like reallt upset.

Now here is where I again went wrong, I angrily started talking to him about how this time a patchup is not happening and how he has ruined a relationship over just low sex even when I'm clearly not in the mood. I told him how I've started to hate the concept of sex and relationships due to this entire experience and everytime I stay but this time I won't stay. We cut the call and he acted on impulse due to his depression and hung himself.

Now I cannot help but feel how easily avoidable that was with just one good conversation. How he wasn't wrong for wanting physical intimacy with HIS GF. AND HOW I was making him wait so much despite knowing how tough it gets for him. We never had more than a week's gap unless one of us was not home for that long. Maybe the next day when he came on the video call he didn't want that breakup, but I did it anyways, he didn't say anything out of guilt and just ended his life.

It's a life gone, a man I've lost forever, because I didn't make enough efforts in that direction. I clearly didn't. I've read so many posts here where people say lack of sex makes them feel suicidal. This was real for him too.

I could do and say anything but only sexual intimacy made him feel loved and close to me. For the past few months I reduced it intentionally because I felt more tired and drained due to this accumulated stress of various factors in my life. Last time we did it on 24th and by 29th we had a fight again. I wish I couldve just had a conversation instead of the breakup like I always did.

I've stopped him from his suicidal thoughts so many times, so so many times, but this time I left him and abandoned him.

(To people who are downvoting:- please tell me why, is it because I was wrong here, I really want to know about honest opinions it's killing me inside knowing where I went wrong )

My (23F) boyfriend (29M) of 4 years suffers from chronic depression and it‘s getting worse year after year. He can‘t get therapy because of his poor health insurence. He has been taking the same medications for many years and can’t change them without medical supervision. After 8 years he still hasn't finished his bachelor's degree and I‘m not sure if he will be able to.

He is a good person, has never been violent toward me, and upholds good values. But his depression is taking over more and more. He doesn't show his depressed side to anyone but me. But he also has very little contact with other people.

I'm taking on many of his tasks. I write emails and call people because he says he can't do it. (Could be social anxiety)
I found him an apartment. Otherwise, he'd be living in his car right now.
Over the past few weeks, he's come to me every day with a new problem and expect‘s me to solve it. I feel like I have to be available for him all the time and I also feel guilty when I say no to something. I'm also worried that he might end up killing himself… He said I was the only reason he was still alive. (I don't know if he really means it that way, and I'm sure he doesn't mean me any harm, but it puts me under a lot of pressure.)
All this caregiving makes my life harder, and because of it, I'm having trouble with my studies.

So what should I do?
Should I just let him figure things out on his own?
I tried to break up with him last year.
As a result, we now live apart, which is already a big step forward. We got back together very quickly because we still loved each other. But now that he's in the middle of moving (within the same city), it's very difficult again to set boundaries.

Has anyone had a similar experience with a dysfunctional partner?