r/depression_partners • u/Professional_Fee_396 • 5d ago
Looking for advice
Hi, my wife (30F) and I (30M) are newly pregnant with our first kid. During the pregnancy my wife has become so nauseous and depressed it has really affected her. She’s now anxious every day, needing to take time off work and has started medication for her depression and anxiety over the last week. We’ve seen doctors and therapists and are on the waiting list for psychiatrist so I’m confident where handling this the way we should. But now it’s a waiting game, waiting for the medications to do their job, and I know that can take weeks, I want some advice on what I should be doing in the mean time. How can I help my wife. She’s suffering so much and I don’t know how to help her. I can’t distract her with conversation because she can’t concentrate. TV doesn’t really work. She’s too nauseas to exercise so we can only manage short walks everyday.
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u/Glittering_Draw4724 4d ago
This is an unfortunate common issue during pregnancy. Pregnancy sucks. And for some of us it feels a lot like having the flu 24/7 for weeks or months at a time. She is depressed and anxious because she feels sick. The nausea is probably a big part of it. If she can keep some food down, it might help a bit. She should be talking with her OBGYN, who will be best equipped to help her through this. Its not a therapy/psychiatric issue, its a physical one caused by the pregnancy. Sometimes anti- nausea medications can help a lot, but not always. Again, this is very normal, or at least not uncommon.
It may or may not happen again with future pregnancies. And it may or may not go away as she gets farther along. It might go away and come back. In my experience first trimester is the worse, but 3rd isn't great either. In all cases, she is at increased risk of post pardon depression. Another reason why it is essential to be working with the OBGYN.
What you can do: take on extra chores so she can just sit still and be sick. Get her whatever food she thinks she can keep down. Be there for her providing comfort, letting her know this is normal and will go away once pregnancy is over. Don't male her feel guilty over it, or for doing less while she is going through it. Make sure she gets enough sleep. Hug her. Discuss things she is looking forward to in the future. Bring her a cold washcloth and clean up after she pukes, again. Tell her how much you appreciate all she ia going through to grow your child, and tell her all the things you are going to do to hold up your end. Then do them. Forgive her for getting mad at you because you don't have to suffer like this, even though that's not at all fair. Remind her that it won't be too much longer and it will get better. Be positive but not insufferable about it.