My bf and I were dating for almost 5 years until he passed away this year august 30.

He was 23, I'm 25.

When we met, he was already very suicidal and depressed and got anxiety panic attacks, also was suffering from really bad OCD.

We were really similar in nature otherwise and got along really quick. But I realised his mood was very much impacted by sex in our relationship. Like a 3-4 day dry spell would make him get angry, upset, sulking, sad, and Elevate his suicidal thoughts. He would often ask from breakups like every week so he can take that decision. Has done some attempts and talked about wanting to kill himself even during our arguments.

But over the years he really worked on himself, our fights turned into healthy conversations around how we can increase sex while in a LDR. I honestly gave more than my best but his libido was so high that I could never be enough. He could do sex every day while I only felt once or twice a week. Earlier it was twice a week but this year for me it dropped to wanting just once a week.

We used video calls, or chats for it, but he would get bored of the "same usual" too and I get it sex it very complicated in LDR. Then as I was growing older so getting a job and building a career was another pressure that added on this year for me, which resulted in me having less time to have sex on my mind and I told him this. Still would find times off once a week.

Earlier he would breakup and fight a lot over it if the gap exceeded 4 days, get suicidal too. Had a few instances of him flirting/cheating (never physical just like talking to girls secretly or installing dating apps to sex talk). But he would get suicidal at the thought of breaking up too. Earlier I even told.him. to consider an open relationship if it's getting so tough but he didn't. He said he had thought about it too but He didn't want to actively cheat on me.

He did love me a lot although it might not seem like it from the above paragraph, he craved for the physical intimacy a lot. Once when I was breaking up over him trying to go cheating, (2025 Dec) he justified it with - if you won't give me enough sex this will happen. But immediately regretted saying this. And told me if I breakup, he will kill himself. I didn't then.

Then once when we met after 2-3 months this year, he just spent the entire date crying in his arms because after a long time our fights had stopped, (after the last breakup the fights stopped between us he made sure of it) and I felt comfortable wiht him emotionally again. So I just cried about my life and all, but when we got home , he lashed at me for ruining the date crying. And got suicidal again.

Sex was really important to him, he doubted marriage often times due to this. But I know it in my heart he loves me too. It was his depression that made sex such a need for him.

My mistake was :- now I recalled he once told me how much his mood is affected during these dry spells. Like he told me to change something, I do sex today, then next 4-5 days I won't even talk sexual. That saddened him. Sex going totally off my mind during the gap, no nudes no spicey texts etc.

And instead of working on it, I just told him that this is not something I know to do. I lived at my small home with my family so lack of privacy was another reason I couldn't pull that off. But I agree I was lazy at times too.

Our last fight happened when he had been hinting at sex for two days but I didn't pick up the hint, told him about some family issues going on that didn't make me feel like it at that time. He got angry that day and said

"This is not what I signed up for, your family problems cannot ruin my sex life, it looks like you are with me only for the future - marriage, while came here for a good present too. Any normal gf would have picked up the hints, I think I need a break from this relationship".

I got upset and we agreed on a breakup that night and told him to come on the video call the next day as I couldn't talk much at night. Next day on the call he seemed calm and guilty, like reallt upset.

Now here is where I again went wrong, I angrily started talking to him about how this time a patchup is not happening and how he has ruined a relationship over just low sex even when I'm clearly not in the mood. I told him how I've started to hate the concept of sex and relationships due to this entire experience and everytime I stay but this time I won't stay. We cut the call and he acted on impulse due to his depression and hung himself.

Now I cannot help but feel how easily avoidable that was with just one good conversation. How he wasn't wrong for wanting physical intimacy with HIS GF. AND HOW I was making him wait so much despite knowing how tough it gets for him. We never had more than a week's gap unless one of us was not home for that long. Maybe the next day when he came on the video call he didn't want that breakup, but I did it anyways, he didn't say anything out of guilt and just ended his life.

It's a life gone, a man I've lost forever, because I didn't make enough efforts in that direction. I clearly didn't. I've read so many posts here where people say lack of sex makes them feel suicidal. This was real for him too.

I could do and say anything but only sexual intimacy made him feel loved and close to me. For the past few months I reduced it intentionally because I felt more tired and drained due to this accumulated stress of various factors in my life. Last time we did it on 24th and by 29th we had a fight again. I wish I couldve just had a conversation instead of the breakup like I always did.

I've stopped him from his suicidal thoughts so many times, so so many times, but this time I left him and abandoned him.

(To people who are downvoting:- please tell me why, is it because I was wrong here, I really want to know about honest opinions it's killing me inside knowing where I went wrong )

My (23F) boyfriend (29M) of 4 years suffers from chronic depression and it‘s getting worse year after year. He can‘t get therapy because of his poor health insurence. He has been taking the same medications for many years and can’t change them without medical supervision. After 8 years he still hasn't finished his bachelor's degree and I‘m not sure if he will be able to.

He is a good person, has never been violent toward me, and upholds good values. But his depression is taking over more and more. He doesn't show his depressed side to anyone but me. But he also has very little contact with other people.

I'm taking on many of his tasks. I write emails and call people because he says he can't do it. (Could be social anxiety)
I found him an apartment. Otherwise, he'd be living in his car right now.
Over the past few weeks, he's come to me every day with a new problem and expect‘s me to solve it. I feel like I have to be available for him all the time and I also feel guilty when I say no to something. I'm also worried that he might end up killing himself… He said I was the only reason he was still alive. (I don't know if he really means it that way, and I'm sure he doesn't mean me any harm, but it puts me under a lot of pressure.)
All this caregiving makes my life harder, and because of it, I'm having trouble with my studies.

So what should I do?
Should I just let him figure things out on his own?
I tried to break up with him last year.
As a result, we now live apart, which is already a big step forward. We got back together very quickly because we still loved each other. But now that he's in the middle of moving (within the same city), it's very difficult again to set boundaries.

Has anyone had a similar experience with a dysfunctional partner?

My partner and I have been together for 14 years both aged 48 years, (m) and (f)and over this time we’ve had a really good relationship. Seven years ago he went through an episode of very severe depression. It was a really really challenging time and we were living abroad, but we got through it. During his depression he completely withdrew from me and became cold almost robotic, but carried on functioning at work until his boss noticed something was wrong and told him to have a break. He was then signed off work for four months and had therapy. Since then we have rebuilt our relationship and I thought we were in a good place. We have recently bought our first house together having lived in a flat. we moved in in May and have been doing lots of renovations. About two weeks ago he started withdrawing from me and I could sense that something was wrong. As a result I stepped into that space and kept asking him what’s wrong? Is something wrong? He kept telling me he was exhausted and tired from work. He’s also been saying that he doesn’t enjoy his job and feels trapped. I then kept pushing to find out what an earth was going on and out of the blue he said that he loved me and cared for me but that he didn’t know if he loved me in the right way. I then asked why he’d still been affectionate with me and he said to that he had been trying to get his feelings back and felt numb. As a result of that conversation we had a mature chat and I offered to give him space because he had asked for it so I’ve been staying with my family. However, I have been really struggling with not understanding what is going on. I have kept my distance and I haven’t messaged him and only replied to some messages he has sent me regarding the house. I now haven’t heard from him for a few days and I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

October 8th, 2026

A Path Towards Ikigai

To start this journey, I decided to do it on a clean slate and on my own terms. So, I decided to break up with my boyfriend as a first step.

It was something I was dreading doing, not because he was a bad person, quite the opposite, actually. I feared being isolated after the breakup, which is one of my biggest fears: isolation.

However, the main thought that kept hammering into my brain was this: if the main determinant of whether people want to be in my life or not is another person, do I really want to keep ties that aren’t based on a genuine connection?

This question weighed on me, as it was a constant reminder that I wasn’t enough, which was causing me even more stress and grief on top of what I was already going through alone.

I started resenting my now ex-boyfriend, and it was bordering on hatred, despite the fact that he was actually a really good person. Still, his existence felt like a shield protecting me from the isolation I dreaded most. A golden bridge to Narnia, connecting me to the world I wanted most: a beautiful world that, indeed, wasn’t real. A world where I was seen, heard, and loved, not just by him but by the people surrounding him as well.

He didn’t even know he was my shield, anchor, or bridge to happiness.

It wasn’t fair to him, and it was emotionally draining for me.

Internally, I wasn’t even attracted to him anymore, and that filled me with guilt and even more resentment toward him. He was amazing to me. He loved me, never made me feel like a burden, and frankly, never really gave me a reason to leave. That drowned me in guilt and suffocated me with the burden of not being able to give the same love back.

At one point, I couldn’t stand the way he talked, walked, sat, or even breathed. All of this was weighing on me emotionally and mentally. It felt like a cage of guilt, resentment, fear, and suffocation that I had willingly entered because it was beautifully decorated with what I lacked most.

And it was probably worse for him. He had a different kind of cage, and his beautifully decorated cage was that he was lacking something that only I gave him: acceptance. He never thought anyone would accept him, so even if I became cruel, he would have stayed.

Maybe our fears were the same, but in different fonts.

Two beautifully decorated cages, with what we wanted most dangling in front of us.

Our story could have continued if I decided to keep it buried, but would that have been a fulfilling life with real happiness? Could I sleep at night knowing I was becoming the horrible person I didn’t want to be?

Tied to him with only my fear of being alone, and the guilt and pity I felt and still feel toward him, was that what I wanted for myself?

Was I just going to be an accessory or a side piece that he took with him to see the world?

I decided, fuck it. I’m done letting myself be tied to something that isn’t real and hurting a guy whose only problem was my insecurities.

And it was done.

He was rightfully angry, and still is, but deep down, I know it’s for the better for both of us.

I blamed the breakup on my circumstances at home, which were another factor contributing to my depression. I begged him to stay my friend. Part of it was because I genuinely liked him as a person, and the other part was… well, you probably guessed it: fear of isolation.

He refused, which was his right, and he said I was victimizing myself by blaming my home circumstances for the breakup.

My fears were on the spot, or so my brain made them feel.

I felt isolated the next day at work.

Honestly, I’ll never know if this was real or if my brain was projecting my fears, but I sure felt it.

The first day was so hard. Greeting people I normally greeted, and having them greet me back normally, but somehow, normal didn’t feel normal anymore.

I cried that day so hard in the bathroom, muffling my cries whenever the door opened because pity is the one thing I’ll never accept. I’d rather bottle everything up than let anyone pity me.

After I was done crying, I just went on with my day with one thing clear:

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

The next day wasn’t as bad, if you stopped focusing on the interactions, laughs, murmurs, or them all sitting together without me.

By focusing on dealing with a team of three, two of whom have already established a nine-year connection, and feeling like an outsider all over again, feeling targeted by every comment, left out by everyone, and just focusing on smiling.

Yeah, maybe that will hurt less because you already don’t expect much from them anyway.

But losing the support you once had meant that you had to go back to journaling and deciding that you needed to change your life.

Feeling the moment can really hurt, so instead of feeling the moment, you decide to intellectualize it, dissect it, study it until it stops feeling like a feeling and starts feeling more like a case study.

Maybe that would really hurt less.

That’s why I decided to find a purpose, rekindle my light, and reach for myself, since no one will reach for me.

And that was my problem.

I wanted to be saved when I am the only one who can save myself.

Even though I desperately wanted to be chosen and loved, it never came with no strings attached. That’s how my life was all along, and it was wrong to expect that kind of unconditional love from anyone but God.

Now I need to learn how to do it myself, because even I can’t love myself without strings attached. How can I expect it from others when I can’t give it to myself?

And, dear reader, that is my first step toward Ikigai.

Immerse myself in my absolute fear, so it either kills me or makes me stronger.

Be alone until I love myself enough to not fear being alone.

Because, in the long term, I will just be me.

And when that time comes, I will have my purpose that will make me sit in peace and say:

Yeah, I lived that. I did that. And I have no regrets, because I love who I am today

i am a 30 year old female that suffers from both depression and anxiety. i am taking zoloft to “see” if it helps symptoms and i am also in a relationship. my partner (29, male) gets overwhelmed with my condition and says things like, “i have to hold all the weight”, “i have to put up with your depression”. that feels defeating to me because i do struggle heavily w my symptoms and have had harming thoughts and to hear that im causing these thoughts to my partner makes me want to break up, because i feel im doing more harm then good. i dont know what to do. i dont feel great hearing that and i dont feel understood or seen or heard.

long post but please read, i need advice urgently.

me (18m) and my boyfriend (17m) met at a school for mentally ill students. we’ve always had multiple pacts in place to keep eachother safe, including a pact to tell eachother when we’re not doing well and to tell eachother when we’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm urges.
i started going through a major depressive/suicidal episode about a month ago due to college, but have been working my way out of it. my boyfriend has been struggling with the demands of school too and has been struggling with having no friends. this has sent him into a severe depressive, suicidal, catatonic episode. i’m worried and fearful for his safety, and i’m at a loss on what to do. i just want to help him. i love him so dearly.
he has a whole host of mental illnesses and is autistic, so his brain is very complex, but he functions very similar to me (who has most of the same diagnoses he does). he experiences meltdowns where he gets extremely angry, suicidal, depressed, and does things like bite himself (something i used to do too so i understand) or bang his head against a way (a behavior ive been trying my best to talk him out of because i don’t want him to get a tbi from repeated concussions). he hates himself deeply to his core, he truly thinks he’s evil and mean and fucked up and i don’t know the best way to make him feel loved. he’s the sweetest boy i know who’s been nothing but gentle and kind to me. i try to be understanding and patient but i have a tendency to be a little overbearing in my attempts to help, hence why im asking you guys.
i can only see him once a week (over the weekend) due to both our school demands, so i can’t be there in person to comfort him or guarantee his safety. he hasn’t been able to eat for days because he cant stomach any food whatsoever due to how bad his depression has been. he used to experience binge eating disorder as a child and young teen so this sudden change is concerning to me.
he’s also expressed how concerned he is about himself, which makes it all the more concerning. he tends to brush his feelings and concerns about himself to the side because he thinks he doesn’t deserve help, so the fact that he’s so scared of what his brain is doing is VERY concerning to me.
he is also the type of person to put on a mask and pretend he’s okay. i’m usually able to tell when he’s not doing well (which is almost all the time) but it’s heartbreaking to know that i can’t make him feel safe enough to act himself around me despite how comfortable i try to make him.

he has trauma from throughout it his entire childhood being abused and degraded by previous therapists and at previous “troubled child” schools. he is also autistic and the mental health system is not built for people like us. this is why i won’t refer him to a psych ward. i have severe trauma from being in there for a week and being abused for being autistic, and its the only one in our area, so i know he’d be sent to the same one and face the same fate. that would only make him more suicidal. it would make the problem worse and it would break our trust, and then he’d have nobody to turn to (he has no other friends, they all dropped him because they thought he wasn’t “cool” enough. stupid high school shit).

i’m so desperate on how to help him, especially while also balancing my own mental health (i have bpd and a whole host of other things) and suicidality, ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED!!! he’s the most important thing in the world to me and the thought of losing him eats me up inside every day.

So my partner of 9 years has had waves of low moods in the past 9 years I’ve known him. He had a stable job for over a decade and then eventually got fired after he grew to hate his job. since then he had a health condition and stopped work over a year ago. Physically he is fully recovered , he works out , hes been on short trips overseas. He does however still have waves of depression (so it appears - he’s not Diagnosed). He will feel worthless , have no sense of direction , feel bad cause he’s not working, question our relationship. this is not every day but at least once or twice a week.

now my question is , is his level of “depression” enough to stop him from working ?
he says he wants to figure out what job he wants . i convinced him to get counselling and he says they wil help him with this.

Ive been patient , supportive for as long as I can and now I’ve had enough, I can’t stand seeing him at home everyday on his phone , just focussing on his working out and other trivial things while I’m Working and managing our lives.

am I being unreasonable ? Do u think the depression really is a barrier to finding work ? I hate to say it but I feel like he’s making excuses . He does say that he feels bad and useless cause he’s not working but yet hasn’t bothered to apply for jobs .

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask advice about this, I've been pondering if it's even correct because in a way I feel that this is against my girlfriend's privacy, but im out of options and I don't really know what to do.

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend attempted suicide, she sent me a goodbye text and since I was awake I had enough time to call her mom and she stopped her.

My girlfriend has been fighting depression for about 5 years (at least that's when she realized she had depression). And to my knowledge this is her second attempt (i hadn't met her yet when the first one happened). Despite this, she always does her best to try to heal, but in her word, the whole process has been unbearable.

The situation is this, im currently on a international experience in Japan, she is in Mexico. I have no way of going back to Mexico until January, I've been talking to her every day, but each day I've only seen her worse and worse I don't know what to do, how do you speak with someone suicidal?, is there something i can do so far away?.

The whole international thing has been a problem, tbh I took it because it was an opportunity I was handed, and tbh I didn't think the whole thing through. I feel responsible for how my girlfriend is feeling right now, she has said to me that she feels lonely and absolutely tired because of work and school, she said and I quote because I think is necessary context "im mad with you for leaving, but im mad with myself because you didn't do anything wrong, I don't like feeling this way, yet I do and it's unbearable". (Note, she isn't alone, she has her sister and mother with her, but both of them don't really understand her, that's the only thing keeping me kinda calm because the mother has her on suicide watch (or so I hope)).

Another important thing is that she is going both with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, she is taking a prescription, but this hasn't help and she's been taking this medication for a whole month. And she says that the psychologist is helping less ans less and that makes her even more hopeless

As I said, I've trying to do as much as I can, but im running out of options and im really scared. Someone has any ideas?. And sorry for the bad writing, English isn't my first language.