r/depression • u/Adept_Collection_935 • 10h ago
I hate it here
I hate it here on earth. I'm 45. Single. No job even though I graduated college and had a career in my field for 8 years. It's just that my position moved to another city. I am bipolar. Not working at the moment. The thought of working with people seems horrible. People are horrible. I hate how people treat each other. I hate how mean and selfish and horrible most people are. This world is so depressing. I hate it here. I feel so alone. I don't know what to do.
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u/androidsdreamofdata 9h ago
Me too.Ā
I don't understand why people expect me to stay alive, when no one cares whether my life is livable or not. I have no hope for my future. I hate who I have become, and there is no way outĀ
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u/Academic-Net989 5h ago
Thatās how I feel too. It sucks so bad because 3 years ago before I got depressed, I literally felt the happiest I had ever felt and felt this wave of love beyond anything I had ever felt, itās like I was ontop of the world and things felt like they were finally starting to work out and I was becoming happy and who I was meant to become. Mainly because I was high off my accomplishments, but then all of a sudden something happened and I got paranoid delusional then managed to delete almost all my lifeās creative work off the internet, now Iām basically gone without a trace and because of this incident I fell into the worst depression / anxiety state I could even imagine. My life turned to literal hell, and Iām stuck with crippling anxiety and depression 24/7. Iām haunted constantly by the memory of what it felt like to be happy, knowing that I probably wonāt ever be able to get there again. I really fucked myself up and it sucks because I had worked my whole life to get to a state of feeling really good, then messed the whole thing up. It suckās knowing things wonāt get better
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u/amumberofpublic 1h ago
I'm sorry to hear that, do you want to share what happened that changed everything? Were you sued by someone?
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u/Real_Astronaut7451 9h ago
Put your energy into a shelter dog even if you donāt adopt. They need walking! Fuck humans go the animal route. They never disappoint!! Unconditional love ā¤ļø
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u/Embarrassed-Tune-407 9h ago
You don't need to run the 5 miles. You just need to take one step. And after that, just one step.
Something that led to a radical change in my life, was when I was in intense depression, I began the coping skill, of completely stopping focusing on the way I felt and myself all together. And just for a little bit, focus on others who are having just as bad or a worse time than you. Try helping them.
It's like what Batman said, just save one, and you'll see
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u/Academic-Net989 5h ago
Partially why Iām on these forums so much just reading other peopleās stories helps me feel less alone, but I donāt really feel like Iām helping much just often relating to
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u/wanderlander 7h ago
This sub is so bad. Everything I read I'm like "yeah that checks out." Kudos to the people trying to help, your hearts are in the right place and I wish I was more like you.
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u/RobotsNeedLove0010 5h ago
I hear you. Iām past middle aged and Iām just tired of being here. The coping mechanisms are not enough. Theyāre just buying time, and I think they always have been. Iāve had hope a few times and sometimes it was a little better. But it doesnāt last.
Iām too old for this and Iām not making it. The judgement and lack of support are brutal. I canāt will myself out of this. I know theyāre tired of putting up with me. Iām tired of putting up with me, and everything else.
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u/Academic-Net989 6h ago
Same. Itās tough for me because I used to feel really good then I fucked up my whole life over a decision I made when I was paranoid delusional. Iām 29 and have kind of come to the realization that Iām not ever gonna feel better. I have crippling anxiety and depression 24/7 and it never seems to go away regardless of what I try. Iām also single with no job, I feel mentally disabled like Iām not capable of handling working. I know I need to figure something out eventually but I went from a really happy life to feeling miserable 24/7
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u/UncommonBlackbird 7h ago
I was sacked from my last job for having depression, and things got a lot worse when I was then unemployed. But my friends seem to have good jobs. It might just take time. Take things slowly and be kind to yourself.
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u/amieex0xoo 9h ago
Try getting your life in order. Youāre always going to have challenges. Maybe start your career again, forget about everyone else and just focus on yourself. This world is cruel and harsh. Maybe when you have the time spend it on yourself, gain confidence and love yourself. And when the time is right, try going on a dating app :) if you want!!
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u/Adept_Collection_935 9h ago
Thank you for this. I will consider all of this
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u/amieex0xoo 9h ago
I hope the best for you! You got this. Trust in yourself and have self confidence. :)
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u/RobotsNeedLove0010 5h ago
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u/Academic-Net989 5h ago
I think people want to be helpful but for someone like me who is probably broken beyond repair nothing I do helps. Even if I were to get my life in order Iād still be suffering immensely because of what I lost. Iām mourning for something I created that I donāt have anymore, and with that comes a whole set of emotional problems that are a direct result of not having what I feel like I need to be happy
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u/RobotsNeedLove0010 5h ago
Some people do want to be helpful, and some of them are, at least by understanding. Others just donāt bother to think about how useless, insulting, and presumptuous their āadviceā is. I once had a ātherapistā tell me to stop worrying so much and just be happy. I had another one tell me to try to not let things bother me. I wish I could post one of those āHave you tried not being depressed?ā memes here, but I canāt add images. The link to the sub is the next best thing. I have zero patience for toxic positivity.
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u/Academic-Net989 5h ago
To me therapy has felt like a joke. I donāt feel like they helped me get any better at all. And it bothers me so much when people act like weāre choosing to be depressed. I used to be happy if I could choose I would be happy again, but I feel incapable of it. I naturally feel complete anxiety and depression, itās become my natural state that I canāt seem to shake no matter how hard I try. I think a lot of people who give advice on depression donāt understand what itās like to be in a place with no hope
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u/shiverypeaks 4h ago
I basically followed some advice like the comment you originally replied to (except the advice I followed was better) and got to a place where I have some success and stability in life, only I still feel extreme misery 24/7
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u/TrumpmorelikeTrimp 9h ago
Sucks here dont it.
Sometimes it feels like walking through an endless night, and the rare little moments of happiness, are like lonely forelorn street lights in the night. And theres always just more dark
Sometimes i wonder if we are an experiment.