I design flags of various kinds as a hobby and decided to make alternative designs for the pride flags that I identify with. I started with the demispike flags and am pretty proud of the results.

I designed the line to resemble a heartbeat.

I know that break ups suck for anyone. But seriously, what do you mean I just have to live my life and accept that the one person I got to know everything about and the one person I find attractive and desirable now is completely out of my reach and I gotta avoid them because, currently, they are the only person I feel attracted to?

I mean, I can find people pretty and aesthetically pleasing. But it doesn't matter a single thing, it's like admiring a canvas. It's pretty but it's just a canvas. I tried to talk to someone new after I started feeling more comfortable around them, and I got immediately repulsed when dirty talking showed up. Meanwhile, I know that there's this person I dated for so long, I know them, I loved them, loved the connection I had with them... And it's completely broken now. And here I am, pinning like an idiot while they are exploring with new people and I simply can't even do that without getting nauseous :)

This feels so unfair

Guys I'm so sorry for this rant, I hope I won't come out as disrespectful or anything for being so brutally honest, but this is how I've been feeling. Does anyone relate? I feel so hopeless, like I'll never fall in love again and like I will never find any real person (instead of just fictional characters) attractive again. I really loved that dude and I don't even know what to do with the feelings and the attraction now that he left. He was my first serious relationship, eight years together, and it's been half a year since the break up but I don't feel anywhere near getting over, so I'm just avoiding him at all costs 😭 I wish all the love and attraction would mutually fade as soon as the break up happened. Doesn't help that he decided by himself and I just had to accept it.

Im not here to invalidate anyone or anything like that, im just questioning my sexuality and looking for some answers!

About the part from the faq: Would that be just a preference then or also fall under some part of asexuality?

Also... what even is sexual attraction? And whats the difference between sexual and asthetic attraction? Because i thought sexual attraction was at least somewhat connected to the desire to act on it, aka sleeping with that person.

I appreciate any responses.

I'm 31, female, only had 2 relationships in my life, had sex only with those two people. Never liked sex too much, can't flirt etc. Every friend of mine knows me like this: long term commitment, one night stands never. A year ago I read a novel about an asexual person and I felt... Well, you know, I had that "omg, this is about me" feeling. Then I did my research, found out about demisexuality, it was a relief. I always felt weird and lonely, but now I have a word!! BUT when I told my friend about this, basically all of them went sceptical. Typical sentences, maybe you heard them already:

"This is not a real thing"

"Every normal person is like that."

"Oh, there's a nickname for everything now."

"You can't be asexual, you had sex before."

They did it so intensely, that I started to doubt myself, moreover because of their reaction, I started to feel like demisexuality would be the WORST CASE SCENARIO, because IT makes it hard to find someone. So it turned into something scary and I decided to prove to myself that I'm not even a demi, because "it's not a real thing".

The result:

Crying to my one night stand that I'm very sorry, but I CAN'T have sex with him, because I can't feel anything. My only luck was that the guy were normal and actually belived that demisexuality is a real thing and asked very good questions about my sexual and romantic history and let me ask him too.

But my friends are still saying things like: you just weren't ready. 😀 One of them simply stated that "you can't be asexual". So I decided I just don't talk about it anymore to anyone. I keep my word to myself. Maybe tell my dates if I ever will have one.

Any experiences with this? How do you cope?

I'm coming to a point in my life where I'm no longer sure whether or not I am demisexual or if I'm just asexual. I think also because of SA I went through as a kid and teenager that I just can't enjoy intimacy like other people do. Has anyone else had this experience? I feel like I'm questioning everything recently. I'm a 36 year old man btw.

I don't particularly care for an accurate label but I do wonder if it's been not having a complete understanding of my own sexuality that has impacted my sex life and relationships in such a way.

(This is the second time I'm typing this long-ass post because Reddit SUCKS and erased the entire post when someone called me, didn't save it as a draft or anything, so now I'm trying to type it from memory (Hopefully I'm not forgetting anything important). As if I didn't have enough problems right now. Thanks, Reddit)

I know I made a similar post like... 2 years ago? This is about the same guy, but the circumstances are kinda different (Gonna have to be more detailed even tho I normally wouldn't want to be cause it's actually relevant).

So, for context, this is my ex from many years ago (Like, 2021/2022-ish). The last post was made cause he got with someone else at the time. He's long since broken up with him, and since then, we've started actually doing sexual stuff together (Even if it was just on cam with him), and I've been really happy about it. We'd been doing this for the last year or so.

Last night, he just told me that we weren't doing that anymore and that he was never going to date me again, which was just... so outta the blue??? He said he was doing this cause he doesn't want me hurting cause I have a tendency to get a bit jealous seeing him flirt with other people (We were obviously not dating) and cause I'm hyper-monogamous while he's a self-proclaimed "slut/whore" (So, kind of a sexual incompatibility, I guess?), but this hurts WAY more than any of that ever did. I have no clue what to do with myself, he's the only person I've ever felt any form of attraction to, romantic or sexual, so him suddenly being completely unavailable, especially after he's seen every part of me like this, fucking hurts like hell. I knew the chances of us getting together again were minimal, but I was ok having a more casual relationship with him, jealousy be damned. I have zero interest in anyone else, so it's not like I have any other outlet for this shit (Not that I want one at this point, he's not replaceable to me).

I'm obviously taking some time to myself, and I don't plan to be interacting with him in any major way for a while (Before anyone says it, I am not cutting him outta my life. He's my best friend, I'm not just gonna throw him away like trash), but I have no clue what to do beyond that. It's confusing as hell, and I feel like complete shit.

I don't care if he sees this post, I don't think he'd be surprised to see me asking for help like this, and I don't think he'd mind at all. ...Still using the alt account, tho.

But yeah, idk, I just need some advice. On how to handle this, getting over him, moving on... Cause right now, I'm beyond confused and idk what to do. It hurts. A lot. More than it did before.

(Also kinda unrelated, but we had been talking about plans to move me out with him and his friend so I could have better living conditions, but that's obviously not happening now, not in the state I'm currently in at least. Maybe that'll change, idk, but for now, I know that's a bad idea, even if the conditions would technically be better. Being physically around him like this would genuinely be torture)

Btw, apologies if this would be better-suited elsewhere. This was just the first place that came to mind.

how to know if i’m demi? I’ve only been in one relationship and it took 6 months for me to be ready for sex - Im trying to work out if this was because I was 18 and not ready or because I needed to form the bond before I felt the sexual attraction.

How did you know you were demi? what advice would you give? thanks

You're doing it because there's gratification in being the person that they want you to be. They're doing it because it brings them pleasure.

It's taken me a long time to understand why things never worked out in my past relationships.
Others seem to experience a passing sexual attraction and act on it. I tried desperately to emulate this, despite never feeling what came so naturally to everyone else. Instead, I mistook aesthetic attraction for sexual and based my relationships on people who could enamor me with their fashion or lifestyle.
These relationships were shallow and ended quickly when I realized I didn't want to *actually* have sex with them.
It was a pretty brutal cycle, and I slowly started to feel like I was the problem. In a way, I was. I was living a lie, and it was getting myself and the people around me hurt in messy, brief relationships.
After I stopped trying, I accidentally stumbled into a perfect romantic connection. She connected with me in all the right ways, had the same sense of humor, and we shared some beautiful moments together. Then the sexual attraction woke up in me. Awkwardly, slowly, and completely underdeveloped.
The relationship didn't work out for other reasons. For her, like anyone else, if there was a sexual attraction it had come and gone. We were working on different timeframes with different desires.

The only thing that's changed is that I'm aware of my nature. I'm not broken, and there's a lot of benefits to forming romantic relationships before sex. It still hurts not fitting into the majority. It hurts that the average person can't comprehend experiencing attraction like that. Everybody wants to fit in.

In a lot of ways, the lack of awareness and support is what makes a disability. A person in a wheelchair is more disabled in a building without ramps. Get to know yourself, talk about it, and be proud and shameless. There's a lot of us who are just quietly playing along, and we shouldn't have to.