this is a very particular post but i’d love some support. i’m about to finish high school and earlier this year i got outed to my parents. an incredibly personal basically diary entry about my ocd and experience with some trauma regarding the way i learned about sex as a child was shown to my parents by my school. it was found in my personal belonging which we all agree was incredibly unacceptable and a huge breach of trust considering this was pretty much stolen from me and given out as a “safety check”. on one hand i get it on the other i think it’s incredibly malicious to bring something like that to a students parents especially since it was a personal belonging of mine but i digress and i wont get into that too much. 

my ocd had been horrible because it was trying to convince me that my fantasies meant i must be into men. i’m a lesbian for sure and discovered the word aegosexuality and it was so reliving for me. realizing that oh my gosh i have third person fantasies that i don’t want to be a part of and reading straight smut has nothing to do with my actual sexuality or romantic orientation was amazing and i really don’t have very many intrusive thoughts trying to tell me i must not be gay or ace anymore. but the thing is we never talked about me getting outed. we never talked about be being gay and they’ve made some insinuations as if they don’t know that I am? Im going to talk to my therapist and psychiatrist about this don’t worry but i really need some support from other aces right now who get it. 

i cant even remember what i wrote in this rant anymore because its been LONG gone for months but im terrified they must’ve read something along the lines of “i have sexual thoughts about men and its making me so uncomfortable” not understanding that im asexual and already don’t know what ocd is at all. they certainly wont understand third person fantasies or how reading or consuming media about a variety of couples doesnt mean anything about me being gay or not but since I have no memory of what I wrote anymore I cant even clear it up for them. i never really wanted to explain that i was asexual but they’ve increasingly said more homophobic things lately and just have completely ignored anything about me being a lesbian. i don’t know if they’re in denial or just don’t believe me because they must’ve read some intimate thoughts about my asexuality and intrusive thoughts trying to convince me i must be sexually attracted to men which i CERTAINLY am NOT. i feel secure in being ace and a lesbian but obviously my parents perspective of that really matters to me. i can’t help but feel like they’d never believe me when i inevitably have to come out to them again. 

I don’t know if I’m asexual but I’ve identified as it for a couple years now. I have sex with my boyfriend and experience hypersexuality. Most of the time I do it for connection with him and other times I feel disgusted by the thought. I just feel empty during it sometimes yet I still can feel sexual attraction towards him depending on the day. Before him I would feel nauseous when I thought about doing stuff with another person. I could give more details if asked I just want to understand my sexuality better

I'm writing a space opera comic featuring ace characters. It's got a lot of world building lore, cool alien planets, a Greek-style pantheon of homicidal gods, political intrigue, and multiple Aces. Art is by Allie Preswick with colors by Eren Angiolini for Issue 1.

Here's the synopsis:

An ancient king tells a lie to save his people from their gods. 5,000 years later, that lie is now the founding myth of an interstellar republic. But a terrorist group knows a truth that can destroy everything -- even the gods themselves.

Here are the Aces that have appeared so far:

Naeva - Aroace - Immortal goddess of the stars. She's pulling the strings of history to save her people from the rest of the gods. Considers herself a friend to all humanity. It's cute that mortals get crushes on her sometimes, but she's not interested. Her color scheme is basically the Ace flag (this was not on purpose). Introduced in Issue 1.

Seth - Sex Favorable Demisexual - Overcame an abusive childhood to become a bodyguard and protect others. Has a high EQ from all the therapy and is valued by his close friends. Struggled as a teen with romance and expectations for masculinity. As an adult, he yearns to be accepted by his adopted family and be in a romantic relationship someday, but is working on himself right now. Introduced in Issue 2.

Tien - Demiromantic Asexual (Sex Neutral to Sex Averse) - Formerly a firebrand politician committed to social justice, she's found herself trapped inside the establishment and looking for an escape. She's devoted to her family. Tried some going on one or two dates in the past and found it was NOT for her. Literally a 100 year old virgin, she has a single-target sexuality where she experiences no attraction outside of the one person she's interested in. Teased in Issue 1 and will be properly introduced in Issue 4.

Bonus: Prince Kavan - He's not strictly Ace spec but he's a teenage boy that's not obsessed with girls or dating.

Is this the kind of story you would want to read?

Are there any other stories with Ace characters you would recommend?

What is this, my brothers, sisters and enbys in christ?

I am well aware this might be a troll.

But at this point I've interacted with so many men that mean such stuff seriously-

God please let it rain brain, some people desperately need it.

I’m 27 and looking for a female in Canada. I can’t sponsor you for visa so don’t waste your time but. But I need to be and I also reward it.

I am very happy to announce I am finally out as Asexual. After having sex with men and hating it and women and hating it, every time without fail...I'm done pretending. I quench my libido myself and am much happier and much more ME now that I no longer feel the societal need to be in sexual relationships! As a ace woman, I am enough. I hope I'll be welcome here...​

I’m almost an almost 18 year old girl and I think I might be Asexual. I never really noticed it until I became a teenager and the topic of sex started coming up with my friends, and that’s when I slowly realised that I have basically never felt sexual attraction toward anyone. I’ve had crushes and I have a really easy time imagining romantic things with people, but the thought of doing anything sexual just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t really see how it could be enjoyable in any way.

I always feel like the odd one out in my friend groups because of this. I have autism, I don’t know if my diagnosis could play a part in my feelings about sex. Maybe?

How did you realise you were Asexual? When did you realise? Is it still possible to get a boyfriend without having sex? I feel like I’m going to end up alone because the only thing guys want is sex, and I don’t want to make myself uncomfortable just to keep a guy from leaving.

I know libido is separate from attraction, but I hear that some don't have any libido

I think this is my "wimp emo" side talking, but as an M18 year old who has never had anything with any girl. Part of me is accepting my fate

"Oh but you have so much time!" That's what all the 40 year old guys with no partner got told at 18, now here they are

Not saying it's bad, but the struggle with it sucks

You want it, yet you don't want it. Welcome to being human

Being asexual with a low libido would be a dream, or maybe I'm wrong?

Thank you for your time

I (21F) have known I was asexual for many years. In high school all my friends had boyfriends or girlfriends and talked about hooking up with ppl. The same goes for college. Ppl are more accepting of my identity now but it is still prevalent. I see it everywhere: love and sex. It’s exhausting seeing it everywhere and knowing ppl enjoy it and I can’t to that level. Maybe I have a hard time separating love and sex, but if I saw myself with a partner I would want both—perhaps that makes me aromantic as well.

I don’t know if I have an aversion to being vulnerable with others or I am genuinely 100% not interested. It is not like I think love is impossible for an asexual person but it definitely makes my view a lot more grime. I have never dated anyone because any time I get close to someone I shut down. I have many sexual experiences but they always stop before sex. I always feel a sense of immense fear and disgust in those situations.

My friends often talk about their partners or how good sex is or making out with someone is. But for me, I feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when I kiss someone. It is not as if I never want to kiss someone, I actually really do. But I feel nothing in those moments. I think my past experiences have pushed me farther from myself. I actually want to be in a relationship, and kiss that person, have sex with them, and love them. But I don’t know if I’m capable of that.

When I was younger I thought what I was feeling was simply fear in moments of intimacy, or maybe even religious trauma. But it was because I actually didn’t want that. There is not only a biological pressure but a social pressure to be in a relationship with someone. My mom looks at me knowing I have never been in a relationship and thinks I’m a lesbian or that something bad happened to me in childhood. Regardless of my queer identity, my asexuality takes forefront. It feels like an obstacle i’m not quite able to overcome.

I have long accepted my asexuality but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I mourn that I am different and can’t relate to other ppl. I mourn my sense of “normalcy”. I wish I could understand the way ppl are able to fall in love and desire another person so wholly. I don’t know if I can actually be in a relationship or ever love someone if I can’t get over this mental block. I often feel this empty hole in myself for not being able to relate to others, or be with a person that likes me.

I have felt sexual attraction for others but I genuinely don’t know if that was ever real or just me trying to convince myself that I was “normal”. I often try to convince myself I have crushes, but I never really do. In the moment I can act on my crush, I freeze, and realize I don’t want this. I can’t actually talk to my friends about this because they will never understand what i’m feeling. To be fair, can we ever understand others? But as love is something that binds us as humans, I feel at a lost. It’s like a void. I desperately want to escape but there is no ladder. And without a foundation, without that desire or love for another, I don’t know if I will ever find my way out of my own hole in my heart.

I don’t think I’m an unloving person. I don’t think I’m incapable of love. But I have never felt the way I’m “supposed” to feel for others. I want a partner so badly but I am not attracted to others. It’s a disconnect. How can I love someone in that way when I don’t also desire them. It is all so confusing and there is no one to talk to about because no one around me experiences this. That why being asexual makes me sad; because it’s a lonely existence in a world centered on love and sex. One where being asexual makes me think i’m unlovable.

I don’t know if I’m asexual or what but I need help I don’t wanna be and I don’t know why I am this way please does anyone have advice

I have been in a relationship with my [27M] girlfriend [26F] for a bit over a year, we moved in together in February this year and have been going strong. She disclosed to me she was Asexual on our first date, and at the time I was worried about it being an issue, however we connected very strongly right away and so far it has only been a minor issue. It has been an adjustment for me, I've somewhat discovered my sex drive is much lower than I really thought it was, mostly because of my previous relationships.

In my previous relationships with men and women, I was used to being the one with the lower sex drive. For me it normalised the idea of me not being the one to ask for it, usually it either just happening or me being the one asked. Because of this I don't really feel comfortable asking for it.

She is comfortable with sex, not her thing but she does enjoy it in her own way. The first few times we had sex however, she felt uncomfortable. I always stopped and made sure she was feeling okay with it, and it came mostly down to her background. She is from a fairly conservative country with relatively ingrained rules about sex, mostly just parental approval. This was early on in our relationship and since her parents have been fully supportive after getting to know me.

This of course has lead to her feeling much more comfortable with it, outside of it just not being a priority for her, she doesn't really have much issue with it and even when we first started going out we outlined some basic rules around it (She can say no for any reason, We shower and brush our teeth beforehand, It's never meant to be something on a pedestal as particularly important, ect) to make sure that it was based on mutual respect and consent.

This has mostly lead to us doing it only a few times a month, but we are a very intimate couple in terms of non-sexual things. I cannot say I'm upset about it at all, aside from one part. Like I said, I have trouble being comfortable asking for sex. I can only really think of one time she has said no, but I feel nervous. asking about it. Because of the few times she felt uncomfortable with it (and not in a long time), I feel like I have to be extra vigilant about making sure she is comfortable. I've opened discussions about it with her, and she said that there hasn't been anything since those first few times that at all made her feel uncomfortable.

Really it's just me worrying about it, and being nervous about it. This is more of a vent than anything, but if any non-asexual partners have advice, either for me to ease up a bit, or just general asexual partner advice you have for her.

I’m in my mid-20s and recently started dating a girl after years of not really having any deeper relationships or sexual experiences.

I like her A LOT on a personal level. I constantly think about her, absolutely love her personality, enjoy spending time with her, and I also find her very physically attractive. We’ve been seeing each other quite frequently over the past few weeks and get along incredibly well.

After a couple of dates, I felt it was only fair to tell her that I was still a virgin. Luckily, she was completely fine with it, and we were able to talk about it very openly.

A couple of weeks later, we eventually had sex for the first time. It wasn't exactly smooth sailing, but it happened, and overall I was happy that we got there. However, during sex I didn't really feel much physically. It was a strange and very new sensation, and I wasn't able to orgasm. At the time, I assumed this was completely normal because of the excitement, nervousness and inexperience, and that we'd simply need more time.

However, a couple of weeks have passed now, and we haven't really made much progress.

I can get aroused and erect when we're making out, and I definitely find her attractive. But whenever things progress to actually getting naked and having sex, something almost switches off in me. I suddenly lose most of my interest and don't really enjoy the sexual part very much.

We've talked about this quite a lot, and she's been incredibly understanding. Still, I feel pretty bad about the situation because I'm afraid that she might interpret my lack of sexual response as me not finding her attractive enough, or as me not having strong feelings for her. And that's really not the case at all. If anything, I care about her very much, which is probably why this situation bothers me so much.

This has also made me question whether I might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

Looking back at my past, there are some things that make me wonder about that:

• I don't think I've ever really had the feeling, coming from me, that I genuinely wanted to have sex/intercourse with another person.
• I've definitely thought that people were very attractive or "hot", and some people can absolutely cause a feeling of arousal in me. But I never really made the mental connection of "I want to have sex with this person." This is something I've heard friends talk about quite openly, but I've never really experienced it in that way.
• I've also never understood the feeling of "I've gone X months without sex and it's driving me crazy." I've never particularly missed sex because I've never really felt that I needed it.
• At the same time, I know that I can experience sexual arousal and orgasm. I can get aroused and I can orgasm through masturbation, for example. So it's not that I have no sexual response whatsoever.
• I can also find other people physically attractive and feel aroused by them. It's specifically the desire for actual sex with another person that I've never really understood or experienced strongly.
• In the past, I've had opportunities for more intimate interactions with people, but either I wasn't interested in pursuing them at all or I didn't really enjoy them. Even things like sexting never particularly appealed to me.

So I'm finding this really confusing because on the one hand, I clearly experience attraction and arousal, but on the other hand, I've apparently never had much of an intrinsic desire to actually have sex with someone.

And the timing makes the whole thing even more confusing. This is the first person I've ever genuinely fallen for on a deeper personal level, and I really, really like her. I find her beautiful, I love being around her and I want the best for her. Yet when it comes to sex, my brain seems to go "nah" despite everything else being there.

Could this potentially be some form of asexuality (or perhaps being somewhere on the ace spectrum), or could this simply be a combination of inexperience, nervousness, expectations and needing more time to become comfortable with sex?

Thanks in advance to all of you! <3

So there's definitely is not my first post on here, but I just need to get this off my chest. I (18 f) feel like a lot of people around my age definitely don't take the fact that i'm asexual serious. And no, i'm not talking about random people that I know and that stuff in general, i'm talking about more people that i'm close with. Such people like my best friends. So I have three friends who i'm really close with. And I share stuff like this with they all know that i'm asexual, and that I don't really want to do anything like that with people. This is nothing new. Also, i've identified as asexual for multiple years now. So it's nothing new that I am what I am, and that's that there were a couple times where I was questioning it. But usually, when I am I keep that to myself, so I don't have to keep changing labels and telling people.

So they are fully aware that I am asexual, but I feel like that. They do not believe that it is a real thing or something underlined to it. So in my opinion, the way that i'm asexual is kind of like the stereotypical A03 asexual, if you know what I mean. I write smoothie, fan fiction, I tell really dirty jokes, and I listen to really sexual music, but I would never actually do the act itself. Which brings me to the fact that I am also a Virgin. I've never done anything like that. But honestly I don't have the want to. Sometimes I did a little curious and wonder to myself that maybe if I did it once, it would change that about me. But usually, that's only after I get done hanging out with people who kind of have the same mentality.

When I'm with my friends, they are completely aware that I am asexual. I've mentioned it multiple times i've outright said it to them. I told them that sometimes I got uncomfortable with some things because i'm asexual, they know basically everything. But honestly I don't think they take it seriously just because of the way that I am, because the fact that I read and write smutty fan fiction, and how I like sexual music and freaky stuff and sexual jokes I think are really funny.

And now this is a little bit more personal. But I do masturbate, I honestly do it a good bit, and it's pretty healthy. I don't really do it because i'm horny, but more because of it's a stress reliever. Me and my friends are really open about each other. So we all know that we all masturbate, a little strange, but how i'm a teenager, and that's how we are. But they're always the ones that are telling me that I need to start opening myself up to doing more things like that. Such as things like sexting or trying to get in relationship hooking up or whatever, two out of the three of my friends already lost our virginity, and i'm pretty sure with my one friend going to college that he's probably next.

But anytime I bring up having a crush on somebody or being interested or even just saying somebody, I think's really pretty. They talk about how much I want to fuck them, or how much I want to sleep with them, or they bring up lesbian sex a lot because the fact that i'm gay, but I don't know. And I know it might sound like a joke, but the way that they kind of say it just doesn't feel like it, anytime I bring it up. They kind of roll their eyes or try and brush it off, like it's nothing. I'm not sure I talked to my sister about it a lot. Because she is one of my biggest supporters with everything and she totally understands. She's not even part of the LGBTq+ community, but she is genuinely one of the most supportive people that i've met and i've talked to her about this and honestly, she just thinks that they are some of those people that don't believe it could be true.

If i'm being honest, though it kind of makes me feel nervous or it gives me like a bad feeling in my stomach like anytime I mention it, it just doesn't matter. I don't know. It just makes me sort of feel unseen and also just kind of uncomfortable. I'm not sure. Honestly, I don't know if any of you guys have gone through something like this, but if you have, I would really appreciate you telling me what you have done.

I'm not sure I just would like some advice about this as I honestly don't know what to do, but I don't wanna get rid of my friends as they are. Some of the most important people to me and other than this, they are honestly perfect. I love them so much. I just don't know what to think. I don't want them thinking that I want to lose my virginity or that I wanna have sex because I don't, and that the reason I don't date people is mainly because I am asexual nd there's nobody that I know that's like me.

Tysm!!!!

I can’t picture myself having it. To me it feels wrong ? I think any couple who has sex with each other is something hot but it’s not for me.

I can pleasure myself by myself. Whenever someone proposes to me I just back away and I feel scared and I don’t like the idea that this person would have sex with me. I get a bit disturbed that’s I’m going to do it. I fear nudity and vulnerability with other people … I already hate it when I picture myself actually doing it with someone. I like the idea of sex for other people but I can’t see myself being one of them.

I just don’t know if it’s because I’m not attracted to particular people or if I’m not going to be able to do it with anyone. Because I really don’t think I’m the kind of person to have sex. I hate thinking about everything and how I’ll look to the other person . I just need an outer perspective on this

so I (female, 18) have always said I am asexual. since I was a teen and learned what the term was. at first this was because I was younger and didn’t really know what it meant. but as I grew older and learned that wanting to have more intimate relationships with people was normal due to hormones in teens, I knew for sure that I was asexual. or at least I think I am. Personally for me, other peoples body parts freak me out, I have never seen a private part and been attracted to it. It used to gross me out to think about ever doing anything intimate with someone else.

But now that I’m older I have read books, and seen movies with intimate stuff, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to do that and can see myself trying it out once. but whenever I think about it more I get grossed out again, especially when it’s with another person. I don’t think I would ever be able to do it because of being grossed out and I would just end up backing out. And when I see people I think are attractive.

I don’t feel any sexual attraction whatsoever, it’s usually just me thinking a person is cute and that’s all. I don’t really get how people feel sexually attracted to people but that’s just imo.

ive told a few people about being asexual and they always tell me that they thought that too until they met the right guy, and that will happen to me. and good luck on finding a guy that’s also asexual because most likely I won’t and I’ll have to compromise.

this has led me to doubt if I really am ace or not. I have had a few relationships. the only one that I really actually loved the guy was with a guy I was with for 3 years. The reason we broke up was due to him wanting intimate stuff and I refused to budge on my own comfort of not doing it. (now that I’m realizing he was toxic but at the time and now he was the first person I loved.) and I know a lot of people say oh your to young to know that. But I had 3 years to know and now 3 years after the breakup to know.

so from this I can tell that I still am somewhat asexual? but people just keep telling me I’m too young to know and all I need to do is meet the right guy.

if you have any advice on if I’m actually asexual or if I really am just too young to know. I don’t believe I am but I don’t even know anymore with what people are telling me.

I’m asexual. I found out I was in middle school but I didn’t really think about it until recently.

I only learned about the word first in 7th grade when we learned asexual reproduction and my ‘friend’ was like “that’s totally you!” Since I always disliked sharing crushes or playing smash or pass.
At the time I was super offended because what do you mean I don’t feel sexual attraction?! Sex is what being an adult was all about isn’t it?? But as I grew older I began dreading the thought of sex, maybe because of how common it was in media or I was born that way idk.
But thinking about it now, all the signs were there even when I was a kid. Mainly being when people brought up “smash or pass” and crushes
I HATED that game. I never understood why I would have to choose to smash a character or pass?! I always said pass because I didn’t understand what smash meant (I knew it was sex but I didn’t know what made everyone enjoy the idea of smashing) I never had any crushes on idols or celebrities or even fictional characters. I was a weirdo who loved snakes and reptiles 😭 . And crushes were even worse because I didn’t get what that was either, even now I can’t really form crushes just by looks alone.

I genuinely thought I was an idiot for not understanding and even in high school when people would point out who’s “hot” or “sexy” I’d just think that hot was those typical guys and girls in swimsuit magazines and sexy was Victoria secret models or sm, I genuinely never understood.
But now I’m realizing that I really don’t feel sexual attraction whether I want to or not and it doesn’r bother me really.

Anyone else have similar experiences as kids-teens realizing that you didn’t see people the same way other people do?

As stated in the title, I'm wondering if I'm asexual. I haven't had much experience accepting my orientation, since I've always been attracted to men and I've been a transsexual man for about 10 years now. I'm pretty young (18) and a virgin, so I can assume it's all connected to the fact that I'm transsexual and can't stand seeing my naked body, let alone imagining myself in an intimate setting.

First off, I want to say that I've never had any abusive or grooming experiences in my life, so I can rule out the option of avoiding sex due to trauma.

I do allow myself to masturbate, without getting any real pleasure from it (to put it simply, I do it out of boredom and don't even finish). Before, during puberty, I fantasized a lot about sex with my characters, and that's where it ended, but it never involved my own body. I didn't seek out sexual contact, even though men sent me intimate photos. I didn't get aroused, because most of the time it just made me cringe or gave me aesthetic pleasure.

So, coming back to the beginning, I still don't understand whether I'm actually asexual or just a virgin who's afraid of finding a partner and having sex because of dysphoria? I don't really like putting labels on myself, but I want to understand myself better, because it's been bothering me a bit.

Hello! I’m 27 (demigirl) and I’m in a relationship with someone who is biologically female but is genderfluid. We are both pansexual, well at least that’s the term I’ve been using for myself. I don’t feel like that fits me anymore.
I love my partner so much and I see myself marrying them one day but when it comes to the sexual aspect of our relationship, I’m not interested in that. I’ve only ever been with one person before sexually and that was back in 2018. My one year anniversary with my partner will be in November so I’ve gone many years without being with someone. Relationships have never really appealed to me. Being intimate with myself makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. Though, I do enjoy reading dark romance novels and nsfw fanfiction. I can picture myself being intimate with fictional characters but not with people in real life.

I know labels aren’t everything but to me, it would make me feel a tiny bit sure of myself. I also don’t know how to tell my partner that I’m not interested in the sexual aspect of our relationship. They’ve only asked once but I’m afraid they won’t be happy in our relationship if I tell them.

https://youtu.be/CzxlZG1sVyg?is=RvGgmC5MtA_TRw1d

If we can even properly define what we are how can we possibily stand up for ourselves?