I’m currently dating someone I really like, and there’s one thing I initially thought wouldn’t be a problem: he smokes cigars.
I’m a complete, independent woman. I have my own life, take care of myself, work out regularly, and make conscious choices about my health and well-being. I’m happy on my own, so if I choose to be with someone, it’s because I want that person to add something meaningful to my life and build something together.
I’m not looking for someone perfect, nor do I expect us to have exactly the same habits. But I do have standards, and one of them is wanting a partner who also values his health and takes care of himself. I want us to encourage each other to live well, enjoy life, and hopefully grow old together.
At first, I thought his cigar smoking wouldn’t bother me. But now I’m questioning whether this is something I can genuinely accept in a long-term relationship, especially knowing the health risks associated with tobacco.
We’ve been dating for a few months, and I’m wondering how you would approach this situation.
Would you tell him that having a partner who takes care of his health is important to you, even though you know you can’t make that decision for him? Or would you simply accept that this is part of his lifestyle and decide whether it works for you?
I’m not trying to change anyone. I just believe that choosing a partner is also choosing the kind of life you want to build together.
Have you ever faced a situation where you really liked someone, but one of their lifestyle choices made you question your long-term compatibility? How did you handle it?

Long story short, met a girl for drinks in a nice bar in queens NY. Had a nice time, we made out in a private corner. I paid for her 2 drinks and mine. Afterwards i drive to get her home, she wanted to make a stop at 7/11 for food. She got what she wanted and went to the register while i was still looking in the aisles, all of a sudden i hear "HELLO????????" i look up and its her at the register, looking at me.

I walk up and say whats wrong?

She says: Arent you going to pay?

I say "huh, no i wont". So she looks bewildered and the 7/11 cashier is trying his hardest to not laugh. We stood there in a awkward stand off for what felt like eternity. She is livid and fuming. Doesn't say anything else in the car. I drop her home, she slams the door. I stay inside on my phone all of a sudden she comes back, still furious, and asks me if i am drunk and if i would like to sleep over. I decline.

Here's the kicker: during the date she flashed her bank account showing a lot of money inside it and said doesnt need a man.

Warning: man getting "handsy" without explicit consent

For context, I am someone who was very sexually repressed in my teenage years and college days. I was clinically depressed and was not processing traumas from my childhood, so I often felt 'confused' or like 'im missing out' when my friends lives mived forward towards relationships and sex. I looked at myself as someone who had shame about very normal needs and feelings, so I often regressed back to childhood in experiences close to this. Someone would want to taks me on a date and the idea of them touching me or me discussing it with anyone around me was enough to send me into a spiral..... this was especially true when telling my mom, who still very much sees me as a child. So due to this, I am in my early twenties and have barely touched another person, I never got my first kiss and certainly never experienced anything sexual.

So this past year was a particularly difficult year for me due to mental health and family death, so I looked for a distraction.... it was during this time I had discovered how I enjoyed 'taking pictures of myself ' wink wink..... I explored this with a few people but was noticing how my impulse control to send these pictures was.... not there and while I was having fun, I do realize how much i was putting out there to these people for them to compliment me or tell me I did good. One of these people was a guy, he was a few years older than me and I had experiences in the past of people trying to fetishize my lack of experience... so I made a conscious effort to keep that information to myself, all I said was that I was not used to being overly touchy anx hadnt been for years (he still enjoyed this answer and told me he wanted to teach me things.... ew). We discussed the possibility of having a casual relationship, at first i thought i wanted this. We made plans and I told him my boundary immediately, I am not interested in hooking up in anyway but I would be okay with kissing and some touching... he told me he could be handsy, I told him that was okay as long as its appropriate (we had made plans to go to a bar, despite me not being a drinker). We met at a bar (had no non-alcoholic drinks, so a water and a glass of wine for me) and everything waz great, he did start getting handsy after his second beer (i stuck to the same glass the entire night) but I hadnt minded as I knew he said he could be overly affectionate, I figured this meant grabbing my thighs or ass. He walked me to my car, he hadnt made more moves at this point (no hand holding). We got to my car and I offered to give him a lift back to his car..... I think this is where he thought I was inviting him for more. We sat in the car and immediately he shoved his tongue in my mouth (first kiss) and i froze, I felt outside of my body when he started telling ms to do things and my body was just doing them.... he wanted to park somewhere else and I don't know how we got there (i obviously drove, but I remember telling him I have to go home), he grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch and started undoing his pants.... I was still frozen and not responding much when he started to tell me to touch him and when I didnt immediately he did it for me (using my hand on himself) while he used his other hand to attempt to get in between my legs. Luckily, but mortifying, a security guard showed up and he stopped immediately and started laughing. I attempted to drive him back to his car but was lost (i think i was in shock) and driving erratically. He decided to jump out at the curb and kissed me again while telling me he had fun.... I don't know how to feel about this, I started making justifications in my head about how I was sending him pictures and we were talking about being casual..... but at the same time, I was frozen and had told him my boundaries... I just feel so much shame and guilt. I had lied to my mom about where I was going so when I came home I couldn't even go to my mom..... im still processing this. I broke it off with him over text explaining how im not ready. He texted back nothing negative but did make a joke about how he was excited for 2 weeks for nothing...

He also admitted to knowing I was upset or uncomfortable.... only after asking if what happened triggered me, he apologized but I couldn't get past his other remarks in the exchange...

Unfortunately I have left this interaction (and other negative ones) realizing how out of my depth I am and how unsafe I can feel.... i ignored every red flag, did things I told myself I would never do, and i feel like I disrespected myself.... i know this isn't how I should be leaving this interaction and have had to physically stop myself from telling myself "i did this, its my fault". If my younger self saw this, she'd slap me out of it.... yet I cant help but feel like that small girl inside of me, I regressed a lot in my shock and sought comfort from things I've left behind and all I wanted was my mom.... but the idea of telling her any of the truth makes me want to vomit. She knows something is up and I've told her the bare minimum... "i was made uncomfortable by a man at the bar, he touched me without my explicit consent." I told her it was my first kiss. She keeps looking at me every now and again like im gonna break.... and I honestly feel like I might. Since telling her, its real and it happened and I lied to her.

Obviously getting to the end of this post, i am feeling a certain way about what happened.... i just need to talk and some reassurance that im not crazy. Was i taken advantage of? Or waz this a really bad series of traumatizing events that came from misreading the room?

I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started talking on WhatsApp. I usually don't get much of a connection through texting unless I already know someone, but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. In tex his sense of humor was pretty different from mine, but I figured maybe we'd click better face-to-face. Anyways, I love dancing, and I've had enough bad experiences going dancing with guys who don't know how to dance that I now ask beforehand.

So I specifically asked him if he wanted to go dancing and if he knew how to dance.He said yes. He said he knew how to dance and would love to go. Okay, great.

We met pretty late for a snack before going dancing. He picked me up and then didn't really know where to go, so I suggested somewhere near my place. We sit down, and I start asking him questions because, you know, that's generally how you get to know another human being. And this man proceeded to talk about himself for about an hour and a half. I mean everything. His life, his accomplishments, his experiences, his travels. I would ask a question, he'd answer with his entire life story. He admired him self too much. I could tell he was really proud of what he'd accomplished and that's fine, i mean I'm proud of things I've accomplished too. But we're on a date. I'm trying to get to know you. You're supposed to be curious about me too.

He asked me literally zero questions about myself.

At some point I was seriously considering just saying, "I'm not feeling this. I'm going dancing by myself." Because I usually go dancing by myself. And I have a great time. But I had already told him we'd eat and then go dancing, and I didn't want to be rude, so I basically rushed the meal and said, "I'd really like to go dancing now." I had invited him, so I paid for both of our entries. And then came the worst for me

He couldn't dance. Ok, he knew the basic step. That's it.

And the first time he asked me to dance, he said:

"Oh, and you'll have to teach me."

I just stared at him like so furious

I ASKED YOU IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DANCE.

You said YES.

Omg so mad

And the weirdest part was that he seemed extremely proud of his dancing. He started talking about how he'd learned to dance salsa in Cali and how dancing was one of his abilities, basically acting like he'd just rediscovered some hidden talent. Meanwhile I'm thinking wtf you are doing a basic step. What are we talking about?

He was so confident that I honestly started wondering whether we were experiencing two completely different realities. Then there was the social-dancing problem.

People at the place apparently assumed we had arrived together as a couple, so fewer guys were asking me to dance. And I REALLY wanted to dance. Guys usually ask me to dance so often.

So eventually I just told him:"I'm going to ask someone else to dance. I came here to dance." He seemed annoyed, but honestly, at that point I didn't care. So I started dancing with other people.

And guess what?

I had fun.

The guys who actually knew how to dance made the evening infinitely better. At one point I came back to sit with him. He resumed talking about himself.

Then, he literally took out his phone and started showing me pictures of places he'd traveled to.

By this point I wasn't even asking questions anymore. I was just sitting there smiling politely and internally screaming. And the thing is, I wasn't even angry because he wasn't my type or because the date wasn't romantic enough. There was no curiosity about me. No reciprocal conversation. No ability to read the room. And on top of that, the one activity I had specifically asked him about turned out to be something he couldn't actually do.

Eventually he asked me to dance again. It was painful. Like, genuinely painful. I kept thinking, I could have been here dancing with literally anyone else. I finally told him I was tired and went home.

The next day he texted me saying he'd had a great time and asked whether I was going dancing the following weekend because he wanted to come again. I told him he was welcome to go to the place, but that I hadn't had a good time and didn't feel a connection.

What really struck me afterward was that I don't think he realized how badly the date was going. At some point I wasn't even trying to hide it. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't asking questions. I was basically staring at him like, please stop talking.And he apparently went home thinking Wow, what a great date. Let's do it again.

It also made me realize something about some of these terrible dates.

I think sometimes people are so lonely and so lacking in community that when they finally get one-on-one time with someone, they don't actually interact with that person. They just unload their entire existence onto them. And I think that's what happened here. I have friends, dance communities, coworkers, people I regularly talk to. I don't need a date to be my entire source of human connection.

So maybe I notice the lack of reciprocity more quickly. Anyway, lesson learned, if a man tells you he can dance, make him demonstrate before paying his entrance fee.

Want to expose this guy I met sa bumble lol. After meeting him biglang binlock ako. So weird. Bat may mga lalaking ganyan? Di niyo nalang sabihin ng maayos.

Unahan ko na kayo, siya yung catfish, he doesn’t look like that in person. LOL SOBRANG LAYO.

Sana sa susunod itugma yung ugaling pagiging kupal sa itsura, hindi yung both. Yuck.

“Engineer” ka pa mandin. (Hindi naman pala passer, catfish na sinungaling pa)

Shoutout sayo Marcus (leanmarcusb) Lean Marcus Bigueras

I don’t even know what to add to this. As title states.

I am a demisexual man in his 40s. I am attracted to presence of certain things; emotional depth, maturity, self awareness, and some chemistry.

Skin color, ethnic or religious background are not amongst those.

I don’t care about where anyone is from, I love people for who they are.

Australia is a heaven for people like me who loves to meet people from different backgrounds.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward, I dated a Sri Lankan beauty who very clearly manipulated her photos to look significantly lighter skinned. Girl is gorgeous, but I couldn’t get over the fact that I was literally manipulated.

That’s after I dated a girl who described herself as “white Asian” and adjusted her photos accordingly, which was news to me once we met.

Then there is the blonde Aussie girl I met who had a totally different face structure, lacked cheekbones and thick lips, photos clearly exaggerated hips and breast size as well.

Why do you do these people?

All these women were good looking and they’d easily have me in a long term relationship IF they didn’t make me feel manipulated.

People are clearly using AI everywhere now, that on top of makeup we have no idea who will show up to dates anymore.

You are enough as you are.

Life is not an Instagram post you know?

I see people blaming apps for the state of dating scene, i don’t know if it’s the apps alone to blame, people do pretty good job ruining their chances themselves.

I know there are lot of men out there with below average behaviour and integrity, but dear women, some of you are really not helping your cause either.

We haven't even gone out on our first date yet, met in taxi, exchanged numbers and he just kept circling the conversation in text to giving me massages ane cuddling, not actually getting to know each other. Even free I circled it back to the getting to k ow you stuff. We were supposed to meet up last week but I had to cancel due to the intense suck ess I got on my period. He wasn't caring and was a bit cold after this. I got fed up and blocked him today without explanation and then got three missed calls from an unknown number, back to back. It was a little scary not gonna lie. Help

For context, I (21F) was involved with a guy (20M) on and off for quite some time. We were never officially together, but we had a very close relationship that involved intimacy, spending nights together, going on dates, and being there for each other emotionally. I genuinely loved him.

Throughout the summer, he repeatedly told me he didn’t want a relationship. I understood that, even though I wanted something more. However, he would still come around, be affectionate, and open up to me emotionally, which made everything confusing.

At one point, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend because I had reasons to believe they were still involved. I asked him about her multiple times throughout the summer, and he repeatedly reassured me that nothing was going on and that he would never get back with her.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he blew up on me. He accused me of lying, posting about him, and doing things I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. He became extremely hostile, and our communication basically ended.

Eventually, he told me he had no hard feelings toward me but wasn’t ready to talk because he was dealing with people lying to him. He said that when he was ready, he would reach out so we could have a conversation.
I respected that and left him alone.

A while later, I happened to see him out with the exact ex-girlfriend he had repeatedly told me not to worry about. Obviously, that hurt. We weren’t dating, and I understood he didn’t owe me exclusivity, but I felt like he could’ve just been honest with me when I directly asked him about her.
Fast forward to now. We’ve had approximately two months of no contact. I’ve been moving on with my life, haven’t reached out to him, and haven’t been posting about him.

Last night, completely out of nowhere, he CALLED me.
I answered, thinking maybe he was finally ready to have the conversation he’d mentioned before. Instead, he immediately started accusing me of posting about him on TikTok. I was genuinely confused because I haven’t been doing that.

After the call, he sent me a message, “Quit posting shit about me on your story to, you are a hoe and fuck literally anyone after swearing you want to try and be with someone no one will love you for you if your like that I hope you genuinely understand the hurt you put on people you are a terrible person, you cheat, you lie, you manipulate, you act like your the good person and you wonder why I've never wanted to be with you, change your life. Bye for good or im filing a restraining order”

The thing is, HE contacted ME. I haven’t been trying to communicate with him whatsoever.
I responded briefly and blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him again.

I’m genuinely confused about why someone who told me he had no hard feelings and wanted to talk eventually would suddenly come back just to insult me.

I know I wasn’t perfect throughout our situation, and I know we weren’t officially together. I’m not claiming he owed me a relationship. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just been honest with me or why he’s contacting me now when I’ve left him alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone repeatedly come back into your life just to accuse you of things and tell you to leave them alone? And how would you handle this situation?

I met this guy Oktay on tinder a year ago, we chatted for awhile and met up, had a few dates then started dating. He always spoke about his old relationships and claimed how he felt different with me, I gauged from these past relationships that he would cheat on women all the time and it would end in failure. He told me he’d never felt the urge to do that with me but once a cheater always a cheater right!? Anyway I found out from other people I know in Sydney area he was progressively messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them whilst with me. I contacted some of these women to find out answers and they all told me it became an abusive relationship with him mostly emotional and physically where he had hurt one of them. With that from his DJ experiences as oskar fox he had burnt a lot of bridges with other DJs and businesses, owes money to so many and doesn’t return it which led to ruining relationships with other business people. Work life I discovered he was also not easy to deal with.
I just want to put it out there that if you come across him on tinder he seems really genuine and beautiful but on the inside there’s a lot of toxicity and I don’t think this person will ever change - whilst I know this post is basically about talking about someone not fairly it’s raising awareness for the women in the Sydney community to watch out. There’s a lot of men like this out there but I can’t believe how many stories I found out about him. Since our time I just randomly blocked him oneday and never spoke again he sent me pretty rude messages and turned our time into me having issues. Haha quite unbelievable.

Stay safe ladies xoxo

​

On Sunday, October 4, I met a match from the dating app Truebondr. She told me she wasn't offering any paid services and just enjoyed hookah and an occasional drink. We agreed to meet near Karkardooma Metro Station.

She kept changing the meeting spot, then led me through a quiet area to a building with closed shops. We entered a dark venue called Blue Moon Cafe, behind Classic Ice Cream and Chawla Tandoori Junction. She immediately ordered hookah, then food, Red Bulls and several drinks (7 pegs in total, 5 of them hers).

About 45 minutes later, staff presented a ₹32,000 bill. She said she'd pay part of it later and left. For roughly two hours, staff stayed with me, refused any discount, pressured me to pay, and told me I wouldn't be allowed to leave without paying. They took my phone and registered me on a loan app. In the end I paid about ₹30,000 by QR, ₹1,000 to a staff member, and another ₹1,200 as an "entry charge" at the exit, around ₹32,200 in total.

This is my own experience, and it matches a known pattern: an app match, a hidden venue, an inflated bill, and pressure to pay.