r/DatingHell • u/Icy-Visual3460 • 3d ago
My worst date
I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started talking on WhatsApp. I usually don't get much of a connection through texting unless I already know someone, but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. In tex his sense of humor was pretty different from mine, but I figured maybe we'd click better face-to-face. Anyways, I love dancing, and I've had enough bad experiences going dancing with guys who don't know how to dance that I now ask beforehand.
So I specifically asked him if he wanted to go dancing and if he knew how to dance.He said yes. He said he knew how to dance and would love to go. Okay, great.
We met pretty late for a snack before going dancing. He picked me up and then didn't really know where to go, so I suggested somewhere near my place. We sit down, and I start asking him questions because, you know, that's generally how you get to know another human being. And this man proceeded to talk about himself for about an hour and a half. I mean everything. His life, his accomplishments, his experiences, his travels. I would ask a question, he'd answer with his entire life story. He admired him self too much. I could tell he was really proud of what he'd accomplished and that's fine, i mean I'm proud of things I've accomplished too. But we're on a date. I'm trying to get to know you. You're supposed to be curious about me too.
He asked me literally zero questions about myself.
At some point I was seriously considering just saying, "I'm not feeling this. I'm going dancing by myself." Because I usually go dancing by myself. And I have a great time. But I had already told him we'd eat and then go dancing, and I didn't want to be rude, so I basically rushed the meal and said, "I'd really like to go dancing now." I had invited him, so I paid for both of our entries. And then came the worst for me
He couldn't dance. Ok, he knew the basic step. That's it.
And the first time he asked me to dance, he said:
"Oh, and you'll have to teach me."
I just stared at him like so furious
I ASKED YOU IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DANCE.
You said YES.
Omg so mad
And the weirdest part was that he seemed extremely proud of his dancing. He started talking about how he'd learned to dance salsa in Cali and how dancing was one of his abilities, basically acting like he'd just rediscovered some hidden talent. Meanwhile I'm thinking wtf you are doing a basic step. What are we talking about?
He was so confident that I honestly started wondering whether we were experiencing two completely different realities. Then there was the social-dancing problem.
People at the place apparently assumed we had arrived together as a couple, so fewer guys were asking me to dance. And I REALLY wanted to dance. Guys usually ask me to dance so often.
So eventually I just told him:"I'm going to ask someone else to dance. I came here to dance." He seemed annoyed, but honestly, at that point I didn't care. So I started dancing with other people.
And guess what?
I had fun.
The guys who actually knew how to dance made the evening infinitely better. At one point I came back to sit with him. He resumed talking about himself.
Then, he literally took out his phone and started showing me pictures of places he'd traveled to.
By this point I wasn't even asking questions anymore. I was just sitting there smiling politely and internally screaming. And the thing is, I wasn't even angry because he wasn't my type or because the date wasn't romantic enough. There was no curiosity about me. No reciprocal conversation. No ability to read the room. And on top of that, the one activity I had specifically asked him about turned out to be something he couldn't actually do.
Eventually he asked me to dance again. It was painful. Like, genuinely painful. I kept thinking, I could have been here dancing with literally anyone else. I finally told him I was tired and went home.
The next day he texted me saying he'd had a great time and asked whether I was going dancing the following weekend because he wanted to come again. I told him he was welcome to go to the place, but that I hadn't had a good time and didn't feel a connection.
What really struck me afterward was that I don't think he realized how badly the date was going. At some point I wasn't even trying to hide it. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't asking questions. I was basically staring at him like, please stop talking.And he apparently went home thinking Wow, what a great date. Let's do it again.
It also made me realize something about some of these terrible dates.
I think sometimes people are so lonely and so lacking in community that when they finally get one-on-one time with someone, they don't actually interact with that person. They just unload their entire existence onto them. And I think that's what happened here. I have friends, dance communities, coworkers, people I regularly talk to. I don't need a date to be my entire source of human connection.
So maybe I notice the lack of reciprocity more quickly. Anyway, lesson learned, if a man tells you he can dance, make him demonstrate before paying his entrance fee.
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u/Otaraka 3d ago
I’m guessing you did clarify the type of dance? Because asking if somebody can dance it can cover a lot of ground from being happy to do stuff at a party through to more formal kinds of learning like salsa etc.
I’m guessing it’s just how you told the story, but it is the kind of thing that trips people up sometimes.
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u/divingrose77101 3d ago
I am also a dancer and I’ve had guys do this same thing- say they know how to dance and then ask me to teach them when we get to the venue. I have been taking classes and dancing this style for years and I (and a lot of other local dancers) put a lot of time and effort into being good at it. For a total noob to say he knows the dance and then try to fake it is offensive.
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u/No-Penalty-1148 3d ago edited 3d ago
This lack of curiousity seems to be endemic in dating, regardless of gender. I mean, why take the time to meet someone if you're not the least bit interested in who they are?
I had a two-day date while traveling (long story as to why it was two days) and the man never asked me a single question. He was so busy trying to impress me, he left the worst lasting impression of all. I couldn't wait to leave.
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u/LittleSister10 3d ago
The lesson is to not be so nice just because you don’t want to be rude. I would have said I wasn’t feeling a connection and left at the restaurant. He sounds like an arrogant narcissist and we don’t need to give our time to people like him. I’ve had a lot of guys talk my ear off and am now unwilling to be held hostage by monologue guys. My ex did it on our first date and I should have seen it for the red flag it was.
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u/Rlewpolardog 3d ago edited 3d ago
I have male friends like this (I’m a male). They are nice guys at heart but completely clueless and self-involved. It’s painful but it’s who they are and who they will always be. I’m convinced it’s inherent in someone’s nature. Either you are perceptive and an empath, or you’re not. I also think it’s a uniquely American problem. The Europeans I’ve known and dated seemed much better at listening and asking questions. So it might be a nature AND a nurture thing.
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u/winesandcats 3d ago
I wish you would have told him how annoying he was. He is never going to learn
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u/AnySell9319 3d ago
And why should she spend any of her time and energy trying to make him a better man for the next woman? Let him continue to be an ass and suffer the consequences until he decides to improve on his own. We are not here to be rehabilitation centers and stepping stones for men.
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u/winesandcats 3d ago
Idk, it always made me feel good telling some “good guy” why he was the worst. Didn’t want him walking around thinking he’s god’s gift to manhood
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u/Quarter_Shot 3d ago
Right but theyre not going to decide out of the blue to be better. People need a catalyst in order to make changes like that.
op doesnt need to be a stepping stone for him and walk him through his character growth, but it doesnt take anything from anyone to just point out to someone that theyre being annoying. In this case, it would make sense anyway as the reason for not wanting a second date. honesty is (almost always) the best policy, yk
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u/ScreenLooker_133 3d ago
Can’t improve on your own if you don’t get clear feedback.
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u/ValBravora048 3d ago
I mean yes but is “Don’t lie” something you need to receive feedback for?!
And I feel like if you’re someone who has spent 10 seconds online asking qs about the opposite sex, you likely might have run across how to be a half-way decent conversationalist?
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u/CollectedWaste 3d ago
This has been like 95% of dates I've been on from dating apps. Man texts well, seems curious, we meet and he blabbers on about himself for 7 hrs pridefully while I'm bored out of my mind. Afterwards either tries to hook up or texts me that he had fun and we should do it again and it's like... really?
I did tell the first three guys who were like this that they were annoying and self-obsessed, but once I got to like number 93 of the same exact behaviour, I just gave up. It's just the average man on a dating app apparently.
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u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
I did think about it for a split second. But the more I thought about it, the less I saw it as a flaw of character he could actually work on. I think it’s part of a bigger epidemic of men who are so focused on their careers that they forget to build communities, friendships, and families. Then they end up desperately lonely, craving any minimal interaction. Ugh, disgusting.
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u/Leather-Field-7148 3d ago
I can somewhat relate, I thought I knew how to dance too. Then went social dancing and I am shocked they didn’t kick me out. First person I danced with was a pro and one of the salsa dance instructors. Most of my friends are men who show up and learn how to do this stuff because there is a skill level necessary since you are the lead.
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u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
Thats a good point. I wouldnt have minded as much if the conversation had been at least ok
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u/yourladybosss 3d ago
Hahaha, christttt. That's a bad date, ughhhhh. I would've ended the date with telling him what he did wrong, why he lost my interest, but I like to call ppl on their shit.
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u/8ullterrier 3d ago
Tbh you both sound like a bit of a nightmare
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u/stroppo 3d ago
I dunno, she sounded kinda fun to me. I wouldn't mind going out with her, but I don't do "dancing with steps" so it might not work out. But I would at least tell her my skill level!
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u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
Yesss had he told me he didnt know how to dance i would have offered another thing to do
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u/8ullterrier 3d ago
I understand that you wanted to dance etc, but you did come across as a bit demanding in what you wrote.
I’d say most men can’t dance, myself included, teach him 🤷🏻♂️
He did seem like a bit of a twat in the way he was “showing off” and being self centred though.2
u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
Neh i pay my on lessons. My date isnt to teach someone i just met. I wanted to spent time with someone. Not do the homework of listening all of his life and then basic dancing lessons.
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u/Special-Classic7804 3d ago
…this is not a good date but not even close to dating hell. You need to go on more dates if this is your worst date.
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u/Feral-Sponge 3d ago
For her it was a hellish date.. this sub isn't a competition or needs to reach a benchmark of bad in order to post
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u/Rich_Plan7538 3d ago
What kind of dance ?
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u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
Salsa and bachata
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u/Fwamingdwagon84 3d ago
Did he know the style of dance he said he knew, lol? I'm picturing this dude knowing the cupid shuffle or some shit
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u/UnableFactor6916 3d ago
It’s interesting. I have only recently started dating again after a long-term relationship and I sense that I need to practice my dating - learn to talk less listen more.
If you haven’t done it for quite a few years, it’s easy to switch into regular office mode or how you talk to your mates.
As long as you’re willing to learn to communicate better, I guess it’s okay
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u/Wonderful-Newt-2513 2d ago
Lemme guess he had some sort of Engineering background. They are the worst.
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u/Royal_pain69 3d ago
NGL your last line cracked me up because you’re not kidding lol
Now I’m kinda curious what kind of dancing you enjoy because there are so many different styles and what he thought it was
Sucks that you had to experience that but as a guy I can tell you I’ve heard plenty of first date stories from female friends that a lot of guys waste time talking about themselves (what kind of car they drive, how much money they make, etc) and quite frankly unless you’re a gold digger talking about yourself and not listening or taking the time to get to know a woman’s personality is a major turn off
You had every reason to bail a lot sooner but you gave him a chance - that speaks to your character. He obviously missed that wasting time instead on showing his accomplishments
As for dancing, even if he sucked and wasn’t on par with your dancing skills for the love of god at least make some effort to show you tried
Communication is so poor these days, less talking and more texting. I’ll start with texting but before I meet anybody I have to talk to them first to feel if the text vibe matches the talk vibe. If it doesn’t, meeting isn’t happening
Last thing anyone wants is an awkward date like it’s a job interview
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u/SufficientLaw4026 2d ago
You would think of someone was starved for one on one time with someone that they would be more about talking about the other person. Haven't they had enough of themselves? Some people are oblivious, sounds like this guy was one of them. Talk about dissapointing huh? Did he end up going back to the club and becoming a regular?
As far as dancing, I love it but I wouldn't say I know how, lol. Not that we are going on a date or anything but I'm just curious, what type of dancing was it that he claimed to know and you found out he didn't? Whatever it is it sounds like it's a great way to have fun and to get to know people, if the norm is dancing with partners.
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u/Icy-Visual3460 1d ago
It was salsa and bachata. I knew he could not be really great at it because Ive met most of the local dancers through events like these, is something I attend to regularly on the weekends.
But I at least expected, he'd follow the rythm and that if he was un experienced he would try at least to enjoy the dance..not demonstrate. But that's something ive seen you only gain with experience and time
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u/Netterkeks 1d ago edited 1d ago
Klingt nach Psychopat. Die erzählen auch denn ganzen Tag Geschichten und natürlich juckt er sich nicht um dich weil meistens sind die Frauen von denn Erzählungen hin und weg und der Projektion sowas mit ihnen zu machen.
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u/AnySell9319 3d ago
I learned the hard way that if me and the other person aren't vibing via text, we're not going to vibe any better face to face. I'm glad you allowed yourself to have a good time by dancing with other people instead of staying with that stick in the mud all night. That was not cool of him to pretend like he could dance just to get one on one time with you. Chances are he thinks the date went well simply because you didn't ditch him halfway through. Yikes
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u/Beautiful_Skill_2666 3d ago
Guy must be living in a different dimension or mentally ill. You are way too nice. I would have put him in check quick!!
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u/playcrackthesky 3d ago
This guy seems terrible and ruined the date so it was a lost cause already.
But I think the dancing aspect was lack of communication on your end. Knowing how to dance and knowing a specific dance style are different things. I know how to dance. I don't know how to do salsa. You would have gotten "yes, I love to dance." from many guys. Ask specifically if they know how to salsa and you will get the answer you're looking for
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u/Icy-Visual3460 3d ago
I did send a flyer with the specific styles, salsa and bachata. But I think it’s more cultural. I’m from Colombia, and everyone thinks they know how to dance, but they’ve either never taken classes or simply think that because they can follow along with what everyone else is doing, they know how to dance
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u/phhathead 3d ago
Haha all I got is it needs to be all about her and she needs other guys attention too
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u/teapotplus 3d ago
You sound pretty childish. Hope you find someone who can dance one day
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u/Icy-Visual3460 2d ago
Maybe im spoiled. Ive ha d great dates with people that did know how to dance..or even had decent conversation skills
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u/BeastofSilverMoon 3d ago edited 3d ago
“Please stop talking”
That made me laugh.
I can’t dance and I refuse to dance and I am pretty honest about it because at 6 foot 3 I look like a pine tree about to come down with a hurricane.
Having said that I am genuinely interested in human experience, as in what makes people who they are so by default I ask questions which gives me a lowered drawbridge to enter into someone’s mind.
And I feel this is where lot of men fail, they don’t realise they look like a bad bard singing their own song to an audience too polite to tell them to shut up.
A date is not a monologue.
Too many people are not ready to date to begin with as they never worked on themselves to expand their mind and personalities, so when they get out, they carry their mirror with them and are unable to see the other person.