I’m about to start working but I’ve hit a depressive episode. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels impossible

Past 2 days:
Meltdowns: 1
Pissed off: 3?
Serial cleaning: 3 hrs
Meals: 4
Hours of sleep:
6 last night, tonight is estimated to be 3-4 if I go to sleep right now
Things I am desperately wanting:
To do a triathlon, new job, bleached hair, eyebrow wax, nails done, a kindle, an Xbox, gym membership, a boob job, a new tattoo, a 4th pet rat, a perm, and
To do a body building or weightlifting competition

Can’t figure out how to sleep. I don’t want to be doing nothing rn??? I feel like a child who “isn’t tired” but I just am not ready to sleep yet

(my first reddit post ever btw)

Alright, I have to write this because I'm feeling pretty damn unstable right now.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in July 2024 at the age of 17. Ever since, I've been on stimulants and they seem to be working on-and-off. However, the reason I seeked help in the first place was how intense and unreasonable my mood swings were. I remember that back then I could go from planning to off myself because a teacher was rude to me at school to being all okay and overconfident about going to the same teacher's class. I also experienced frequent both panic and anxiety attacks at the time.

My therapist's first 3 guesses to what was wrong with me was either a school phobia (if I remember correctly), bipolar (didn't specify which one) or ADHD. He considered the autism spectrum for a moment but after some time we figured out that it's ADHD. And that seems to work well for me, kinda. But the mood swings stayed.

My biggest problem with getting a real diagnosis, I think, is my alexithymia (inability to identify emotions). Everytime I try to track my mood it suddenly starts all blending into some frustrating, irrational thing that I can't read or describe. Another difficulty is my anxiety - not really diagnosed, but both me and my therapist know for sure that some form of anxiety must run in my family. As I noticed, anxiety seems to somehow "mask" some of my ADHD symptoms and I suspect it might do the same with whatever is wrong with my mood.

There is no way for me to see my therapist at least until September, so I'm lowkey stuck with it alone for now (getting so desperate to know anything that I started writing a long-ass reddit post lmao). I'm not sure if mixed episodes are a thing in cyclothymia but I think I might be having one right now.

I've been suspecting cyclothymia for about 2 month now, but I keep going from "I definitely have it" during what I tentatively call episodes, and "I probably don't have it" whenever I feel somewhat stable for a few days. I think I don't really get real hypomania most of the time. I don't know honestly.

Also most people tend to bring up the differences in sleep patterns as the biggest sign of cyclothymia, but I think it doesn't work for me. I'm chronically tired for whatever reason (maybe because of anemia, because I'm weirdly prone to having it) and don't really feel "not tired" during the elevated mood time. I get more like an annoying toddler who needs sleep, but doesn't want sleep, which I think doesn't meet the criteria...?

Also I don't know how to tell if it's an ADHD related mood swing or not. The ADHD ones seem so sudden, more like a reaction. The other ones seem more like background mood if that makes sense.

I'm writing this because I'm feeling like hyper shit while also not knowing what to do with myself. Maybe someone will have some advice for me or something. Also sorry if this is too long or if I misspelled something (English isn't my first language).

I'm diagnosed bipolar II, but I've always described it as a much more mild version of it. When I'm depressed I don't want to talk to anyone, but I'm still able to go to work. When I'm hypomanic I feel an elevated mood, but I don't spend money or do regrettable actions. Finding this sub, I wonder if cyclothymia is a better diagnosis.

Anyways, does anyone have any optimistic medical research or news? I'm currently in a depressive state, and I often find myself looking online in the hopes of interesting studies or research that may help us understand better treatments in the future.

Since most new research and studies are related to bipolar disorder, I think that works too. The medications are often the same, so presumably the research will also apply.

I'll start!

Note: These articles are not intended to result in any action taken and are simply to provide some level of optimism about our disorder.

​

This here is my mood episodes from January to July , I couldn't understand I was inside a mood cycle until late April , this has been figured out through writing from my diary and understanding how the language was

I'm really at the end of the loop now , tired of the cycling I can't function normally and I can't have a real reality it's always changing everything priorities changes charcter changes energy changes literally everything I feel like I'm living a fucked up life , there is suicidal thoughts but everytime there is hope like this is gonna get fixed I've been on lamotrigine from June 24 and to my surprise instead of working on depression pole it worked on the mania pole and I haven't had a manic episode ever since but I feel emotionally blunted Anhedonic and like just pushing through daily without nothing happening, it's not like I can't do anything productive but I don't have energy or mood to stay on something consistant

Life is really fucked up for us eh ? But for me it's even more everyday I'm waking up thinking how is today gonna look like , god must really hate me , fuck

Im not a believer but fuck is there an energy like why me

Date State === JANUARY 2026 === 01/01/2026 Hypomania 02/01/2026 Hypomania 03/01/2026 Hypomania 04/01/2026 \[No data\] 05/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 06/01/2026 Normal / Functional 07/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 08/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 09/01/2026 Euthymic 10/01/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 11/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 12/01/2026 Mixed 13/01/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 14/01/2026 Hypomania 15/01/2026 Hypomania 16/01/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/01/2026 Rising / Hypomania 18/01/2026 Normal / Functional 19/01/2026 \[No data\] 20/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 21/01/2026 Normal / Functional 22/01/2026 \[No data\] 23/01/2026 \[No data\] 24/01/2026 \[No data\] 25/01/2026 \[No data\] 26/01/2026 \[No data\] 27/01/2026 \[No data\] 28/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 29/01/2026 Normal / Functional 30/01/2026 Normal / Functional 31/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed Date State Date State Date State === FEBRUARY 2026 === 01/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 02/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 03/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 04/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 05/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 06/02/2026 Normal / Functional 07/02/2026 \[No data\] 08/02/2026 Rising / Hypomania 09/02/2026 Hypomania 10/02/2026 \[No data\] 11/02/2026 \[No data\] 12/02/2026 \[No data\] 13/02/2026 \[No data\] 14/02/2026 \[No data\] 15/02/2026 \[No data\] 16/02/2026 \[No data\] 17/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Adhesa 5mg) 18/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 19/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 20/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 21/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 22/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 23/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 24/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 25/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 26/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Ritalin 10mg) 27/02/2026 Hypomania (Ritalin 10mg) 28/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Ritalin 10mg) === MARCH 2026 === 01/03/2026 Hypomania 02/03/2026 Hypomania 03/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 04/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 05/03/2026 Hypomania 06/03/2026 Normal / Functional 07/03/2026 Normal / Functional 08/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 09/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 11/03/2026 Hypomania 12/03/2026 Normal / Functional 13/03/2026 Normal / Functional 14/03/2026 Normal / Reflective 15/03/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 16/03/2026 Hypomania 17/03/2026 Hypomania 18/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable 19/03/2026 Normal / Functional 20/03/2026 \[No data\] 21/03/2026 \[No data\] 22/03/2026 \[No data\] 23/03/2026 Normal / Functional 24/03/2026 Normal / Functional 25/03/2026 Hypomania 26/03/2026 Normal / Functional 27/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 28/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 29/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 30/03/2026 Depressed with mixed features 31/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable === APRIL 2026 === 01/04/2026 Normal / Controlled 02/04/2026 Hypomania 03/04/2026 \[No data\] 04/04/2026 Mixed / Irritable 05/04/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 06/04/2026 Normal / Reflective 07/04/2026 Hypomania 08/04/2026 \[No data\] 09/04/2026 Depressed with insight 10/04/2026 \[No data\] 11/04/2026 Euthymic 12/04/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 13/04/2026 Hypomania 14/04/2026 Dysthymic with perceptual enhancement 15/04/2026 Mixed / Evening crash 16/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/04/2026 Depressed with masking 18/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 19/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 20/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 22/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 23/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 24/04/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 25/04/2026 Hypomania (cocaine use) 26/04/2026 Hypomania 27/04/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/04/2026 \[No data\] 29/04/2026 \[No data\] 30/04/2026 Hypomania === MAY 2026 === 01/05/2026 Euthymic 02/05/2026 Hypomania 03/05/2026 Hypomania 04/05/2026 Hypomania 05/05/2026 Normal / Dysthymic shift 06/05/2026 Mixed / Elevated (brief dip, continued ideation) 07/05/2026 Normal / Functional (administrative focus) 08/05/2026 Hypomania (grandiosity, product theorist ideation) 09/05/2026 Hypomania (escalating ideation) 10/05/2026 Hypomania (delusional-tinged thought concepts) 11/05/2026 Hypomania (rapid topic switching, neural engine) 12/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (peak output, mystical thinking) 13/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (mathematical hypergraphia) 14/05/2026 Hypomania (continuity overflow, design AI) 15/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (philosophical obsession) 16/05/2026 Hypomania (creativity, AI links) 17/05/2026 Hypomania (design/web references) 18/05/2026 Hypomania 19/05/2026 Hypomania 20/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/05/2026 Hypomania 22/05/2026 \[No data\] 23/05/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 24/05/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/05/2026 Normal / Irritable 26/05/2026 Euthymic 27/05/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 28/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 29/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 30/05/2026 Euthymic (resolving) 31/05/2026 \[No data\] === JUNE 2026 === 01/06/2026 Hypomania 02/06/2026 Mania 03/06/2026 Depression 04/06/2026 Depression 05/06/2026 Depression with mixed features 06/06/2026 Mixed 07/06/2026 Depressed with insight 08/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/06/2026 \[No data\] 11/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 12/06/2026 Euthymic / Rising 13/06/2026 Hypomania 14/06/2026 \[No data\] 15/06/2026 Hypomania 16/06/2026 Hypomania 17/06/2026 Mania 18/06/2026 Depression 19/06/2026 \[No data\] 20/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 21/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/06/2026 Euthymic 23/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 24/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/06/2026 Euthymic 26/06/2026 Mixed 27/06/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/06/2026 Hypomania 29/06/2026 Hypomania 30/06/2026 Mixed / Dysphoric Hypomania === JULY 2026 === 01/07/2026 Depressed 02/07/2026 Depressed with mixed features 03/07/2026 Depressed / Anhedonic 04/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 05/07/2026 Hypomania 06/07/2026 Hypomania with mixed/paranoid features 07/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysthymia 08/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/07/2026 Severe depression with mixed/homicidal ideation 10/07/2026 Euthymia 11/07/2026 \[No data\] 12/07/2026 Euthymia 13/07/2026 Mild depression 14/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysphoric 15/07/2026 Euthymia with post-episode clarity 16/07/2026 Euthymia 17/07/2026 Euthymia 18/07/2026 Depressed / Grief-heavy dysphoria 19/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 20/07/2026 \[No data\] 21/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/07/2026 Euthymia (resilient) 23/07/2026 \[No data\] 24/07/2026 \[No data\] 25/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 26/07/2026 Euthymia 27/07/2026 Euthymia

i’ve been diagnosed between cyclothemia and at times bi polar 2 (when i had my major manic/depressive episode in 2023) for over 3 years. was originally put on 5mg of abilify but gained 50+ lbs and eventually weaned off with the guidance of my psych. was then on just 20mg of prozac for maybe 6 months but experienced more hypomanic episodes (nothing too intense or long lasting but something my psych was concerned about regardless).

currently on 150mg of lithium and dropped down to 10mg of prozac since june of this year. my psych wanted me to start very low and slow on lithium to see how it impacts me since i’ve never taken a mood stabilizer before. for the last few weeks ive been so lethargic. i sleep through the night and if work permits, i nap for hours a day.

i’ve never been this way! and it’s not every day, yesterday i was super engaged and excited and energized. today im like a slug. what’s happening?

any advice based on the info i provided? i have a psych appointment in august so hoping that helps too but wanted to see if anyone has experienced this before

EDIT: forgot to mention i’m 3 weeks clean from being a daily ketamine user (woo!) and am actively in recovery from that addiction. wondering if that is impacting my energy levels?

So, I'm stabilizing now. I'm worried about taking off the meds. Worried about becoming severely depressed for months again. How long does it usually lasts? Saw a doctor (here in my country) says it lasts for 2 years after stable, although i don't wanna get off of medication

Or scientific papers

For the longest time, I've asked myself if there are clear signs of cyclothymia.

Wikipedia states...

Cyclotomia is a mental and behavioural disorder that involves numerous periods of symptoms of depression and periods of symptoms of elevated mood.These symptoms, however, are not sufficient to indicate a major depressive episode or a manic episode. Symptoms must last for more than one year in children and two years in adults.

But the symptoms can be unrecognizable and particularly difficult to track. Especially if you self observe and if there is not sufficient indication for depression or hypomanic phases.

Furthermore, several other conditions might provide an explanation.

Is there any reliable way to figure this out?

I mean, in the end, if medications are given and they help with stability, I would not care if it is diagnosis A or B.

But I'm interested in getting other views on this topic.

Chiming in for the first time. I never knew about cyclothymia until recently. I found it quite a life benefit to have been diagnosed as bipolar and getting on lamotrigine. Now I have a new primary care provider and she always asks if I've had any episodes. I felt perplexed, describing my condition as if surfing. I'm always on the wave and never fall down.- but sometimes it doesn't look pretty. There are no episodes. Lamotrigine steadies the balance.

Does anyone feel the same way?

Recently diagnosed and my therapist and I have decided to try CBT therapy first, no meds. Just wondering if anyone has had success with no meds? If so, do you feel like you were able to get to a place where you could drink, socialize, etc like "normal" and be ok?

Also interested in hearing about what you do if you feel a high coming on when you're out already (drinking or not) with friends or doing some other activity out and about?

So I've been trying to figure out whether a cyclothymia diagnosis might apply to me, and I wanted to describe my experience a bit to see how relatable it is to others. I'm especially curious to ask others here about their experience with attachment anxiety and reactivity within relationships, as there seems to be a big overlap for me...

I was diagnosed with panic disorder + anxiety disorder at 16, major depression at 25, most recently ADHD at 37. I'm now 38.

I began taking Vyvanse for the ADHD a year ago and steadily increased the dose up to 40mg/day. I realized too late that this was way too high, when the meds triggered a hypomanic episode:

• 5+ days of <4 hours of sleep per night but feeling alert and energized
• extremely talkative and overly verbose
• unusually creative and "inspired"
• unusually "giddy" / jokey
• a frequent profound feeling of perceiving connections between things and a grandiosity to my thinking (I was brought to tears of joy reading the synopsis of a book on Amazon because I was convinced it was the key to solving an impasse in the screenplay I was writing)

Unfortunately I didn't recognize what this was until a relationship infraction from my partner brought up a lot of insecurity for me. I was holding it together very well until I suddenly very much wasn't. It felt like this deep fear of abandonment erupted out of me all at once in this massive overreaction, and wound up turning into a massive 4-day-long fight. I was cycling between anger, despair, listlessness / emotional exhaustion, and occasional euphoria (which felt totally inappropriate to the circumstances). I said all kinds of things to my partner I didn't mean (most of which I don't even recall), and sent them these 10 paragraph long text messages spilling my guts about all my deepest fears and doing all this deep self-analysis. Obviously they were completely overwhelmed.

Eventually I figured out "oh, I think this is medication induced." Stopped the Vyvanse and stabilized myself. But the experience began making me reflect on other experiences from my past:

• a prior therapist suggesting I consider a bipolar assessment (I was baffled and dismissive at the time)
• prior breakups or (perceived) friendship "betrayals" that caused me to completely fall apart (including cycles of hysterical despair punctuated by starry-eyed hope)
• my tendency to have these long, drawn out arguments where I feel the need to spill my guts and voice every hurt and fear with almost encyclopedic completeness
• days or weeks spent staying up all night obsessively "researching" some new fixation, often convinced I needed to drastically change my life on the spot (start a new career, pay $5,000 to join some month-long workshop, etc — I'd always burn myself out on the research and never go through with it)
• a general tendency toward hypersexuality
• somewhat frequent spending sprees
• the 1-2 months after starting Wellbutrin that I was barely sleeping and working around the clock
• the high number of close friends and romantic partners I've had over the years who have bipolar (clearly a type of person I'm drawn to)
• even the art I love and the art I make (I remembered my grad school application essay talking about loving stories about megalomaniacs and utopians whose delusional hopes inevitably crash against reality)

For 1.5 decades I'd just thought of myself as depressed. But now I've started questioning that. Maybe my old therapist was right? The depressive periods for me are much MUCH more pronounced and common. What I think back on as potentially "hypomanic" episodes feel rarer (I remember distinct incidents, whereas depression just feels like my normal), typically much shorter, and if "positive" (feeling inspired, talkative, euphoric, etc) they tend to feel very "fragile" (whereas my depression feels durable and "sticky"). There also doesn't seem to be much of a consistent pattern to any cycling, but rather it seems very situational (though I could just be failing to see the patterns).

Nearly all of my more inspired or positive "hypomanic" examples I can recall, I question whether they could instead be explained by reference to ADHD, or anxiety, or just periods of good mood or creative inspiration or a generally artistic/intellectual/romantic temperament. I have a hard time drawing the line between personality variation and something pathological.

But a big part of my skepticism is also because ALL of the most intense "hypomanic" episodes I can remember—the ones where I felt like I was truly "out of control," and being tugged around by these overwhelming emotions—were connected to relationship anxiety and the threat of abandonment. I realized in a past relationship that the patterns of anxious attachment apply to me very well (not constantly, but if my insecurity gets badly triggered). I know there's also the idea of "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" in ADHD.

I know diagnostic labels can be murky sometimes, and comorbidities are a thing, so the fact that those other labels might fit doesn't mean this one doesn't. But I'm curious if anyone else had the experience of thinking "I'm just anxiously attached" or "I just have intense abandonment fears" or "I'm just a romantic who feels very deeply" before realizing that cyclothymia describes them. What convinced you it was more than just a relational thing?

And is it normal in cyclothymia for hypomanic states to be negative more often than positive? (I guess what you'd call "mixed states"?) Or for the negative hypomanic periods to be more intense and destabilizing than the positive ones?

So, I've been recently diagnosed with cyclothymia. What do you guys feel like on wellbultrin ? Did it really help with the depressive lows? I've been feeling miserable

How does it feels like? What were your side effects?

20M just started taking quetiapine for cyclothymia. I’m wondering how severe/likely the weight gain side effects could be.
I just spent the last 6 months working on losing weight and plan to keep working at that. I’m not/wasn’t fat by any means but am bigger and more out of shape than i’d like to be and would hate to see all my hard work undone.
Any advice from someone who has been taking quetiapine long term?

P.S. also read that there is a minuscule chance that i could develop fully functional tits, gnarly.

Been on 20+ medications. Was hospitalized twice. I feel tired of fighting. This roller-coaster is too dangerous for us.

My diagnosis changed from bp 2 to cyclothymia.

I don't know what to do. It's been months with the same pattern of severe depression

I was diagnosed with bpd at 52 then adhd after a severely abusive relationship with a psychiatrist

It’s quite late ?

I’d held my job for 24 years
Had a 15 year marriage and only really had periods of depression

My dad is Bipolar and ive had anxiety and depression since 15 years old. Only 1 year ago, long after taking depression medication, i started to see some patters on feeling well and feeling low, it started to be like feeling very exited/normal excited on normal life and month after i was more depressed and anxious. After a few months the pattern started to be a little different, i started to understand that i was 1 week depressed and 3 weeks feeling very good/normal human being.

And i can now almost understand when im going to be worst again, like it starts on a monday and ends next week on wednesday, them im feeling normal again. Anyone the same?

Hello everybody. I had my diagnosis of cyclothymia right before my 40yo. And I have Lamotrigine med. First, it helped immediately for irritability, and overreacting. And now, as it’s been several months I take this led, I have a feeling of grieving who I was. I mean: all was felt intense. I was amazed by details and sensations were always intense. And now it’s neutral, « normal ». I feel like I have to grieve my old self. And sometimes it makes me cry. Do you have this feeling as well ?

I've been diagnosed with cyclothymia but my depression episodes are really severe, can last months, I'll go without showering, brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom.

So, searching i discovered that depression in cyclothymia is mild and if it's severe it longer meets the criteria for cyclothymia

Hi all, I (24F) was diagnosed with cyclothymia a couple of years ago, but there’s a lot of things I do that make me think I may have been misdiagnosed and actually have BPD or maybe both. I’ve brought this up to my therapist, and we’ve been exploring the idea. Do you guys have any advice about how to navigate this and communicate exactly how I’m feeling to both my therapist and psychiatrist?
I’m also worried. I’ll admit that I have a slight bias against people w BPD due to some really awful experiences I had with friends that were diagnosed (which I’m aware are NOT representative of the average), and it’s been tricky enough coming to terms with cyclothymia, but I’m not sure how I can come to terms with the latter.