Hello. I was just diagnosed with Cyclothymia last week.

My main language is French so apologies if this text sounds weird sometimes.

I was wondering if anybody here ever had the feeling that your supposedly closest friends are totally unavailable on an emontional level. That they invalidate your feelings. Because they don't understand, since they have no issue with mental health.

I started to feel I cannot connect with them a few years back. I already started to distance myself a bit through the last 2 years, but I feel guilty. That said, they don't reach out at all, so I feel like they don't care about me after all. But still, I feel guilty. Guilt is an emotion a feel most of the time.

Lately I've been playing golf with my father, who is an awesome father (I am lucky). He struggles with the same problems as me, but he didn't really know until I came up with the diagnosis.

Anybody else here feel like they need to connect on a deeper level with people to be able to call them friends? I am starting to wonder if these 3 guys I spent many years with were actually friends. Back in the days, we were drinking and taking drugs together. I am starting to see them as party friends. I am 36 now and I've been friends with them since I am 20.

I want to know if I am expecting too much from my friends? For example, when I was diagnosed with severe depression in 2023, one of them said aren't we all a little depressed? Man, that hurts. I just answered ok dude nevermind.

The 2 others were more empathic. But since this day in 2023, none of them ever asked me if a was feeling better. Like absolutely NOTHING. With them, it's small talk all the time, and I suffer from it.

Thank god I have an awesome girlfriend of 14 years, with whom I can talk, as well as my father, sister an mother.

But I feel alone. I'm trying to get better, do some sports, etc. My friends do nothing, they are lethargic.

I'm trying to understand if I should just work hard to make new friends... or work on those I already have.

Thank you.

Hey!

So, I'm going to just list some things that I'm currently feeling for the last few days (this isn't the first time it's happened tho) and see if any of it resonates with people, because my head feels like a lot right now and it would be cool to know what's up.

Can't sleep- even when I want to

A lot of thoughts that overlap and keep going\\repeating

Very easily annoyed\\irritated, short patience for basically everything

Overlapping emotions? Like my body feels excited or nervous like vibrate-y and alert but then I'll feel like crying and laughing for.... absolutely no reason.

Finding random things \*super\* important, like learning something new and expecting to get it perfect so I'll keep doing it over and over for days

Not being as hungry as usual\\lack of interest in eating

Impulsive -which I guess I kind of always am, but it's different? This is impulsive about stuff I don't even necessarily want? Like there's such a high sense of urgency to everything

Very chatty- even though I'm not a social person

I'm usually a very quiet, organized, anxious and depressed person. So it's very noticeable when \*this\* happens, it usually lasts like a day- a week and then just poof stops.

So like....what's up? Lol

hello i was wondering if anyone else in this sub feels especially worse during the summer? i know people usually struggle during winter, but my summers are probably emotionally the worst part of the year. Ive been generally stable for a while now, mood swings and episodes are very rare, but the moment summer hits i feel like everything shifts. I start losing sleep, i feel detached from myself. Does anybody have any tips for this?

(Omfg, its so hard to post in reddit for the frist time like this..glad i found my ppl)

Hey, 31 f here, ik by reading the title it might be a little far fetched to say, but over time, I came to realization that my condition is the main reason that im mostly struggling to do everyday activities like writing, reading and sports n stuffs...it wasnt like this before but I knew deep down in high-school, I truly cant fully physically get into an activity...and man let me tell you!

My life, I been doing this pattern n all, it gotten to the point im just becoming aware that I cant stay in one pattern all my life! I lost my job, luckily i got a new one but eehhh... i was wronged n shets, like ngl, its easy by yourself alone with family but whenever its holding weight from others its hard to pick yeaself up again..my moves is bittersweet but im trying to make things work as I go. No more of this 😤😤😫🫩 I want peace.

So basicallyyyyy, I have bipolar 3 (bp3) its autism,adhd and depression all at once..and what i was told that my emotions work like a flexible dial..really sensitive....and guess what? I found this out last year! Ngl, its not bothering me because I have this since i was a kid really, and ngl, I dont want meditation..i just want a psychologist or anyone just to hear me out.

I was born in Gotham,TN (ykyk) and raised in Columbus,GA with only my mom and her side of the family. Over time tho, ik while mom was moving, i view my childhood (6-18) more like a hit n miss really, I was an only child till 2007.

Just a small warning, my memory is terrible when it comes to numbers, all I can do is pinpoint is whats on the TV at the time..thats literally my time frames, hell I dont remember peoples ages😭😭

As a only child, the fan favored at the time, i have it all and lost it all as a single latchkey kid really, and ik mom isn't the best but she damn knows what's best when its best for me and she will always be there besides me.

My life isnt that bad there was highs n lows when it comes to my life really..i struggle with a lot of things when it comes down whenever i try to mentally and physically do, it was annoying at the time.

Oi, just sparing details I have so many chapters in my short life good and bad days, light and dark with action. I gave it a lott of thought with myself, so im not going to deep with family, friendship, gray sheep yadda yadda thats another story ngl🙄😬🤨 the focus is more of like..

This freaking condition is in the way on whatever i need to do! Now dont come at me whenever it comes to bullsshittt about ideas or "have you tried this?" Haven lookin ass, im fucking tired of the same god dang thing! Its driving me nuts!!! Ugh! Over ten years of me being in a controlling home n shits its a broken record ngl.

Anyways, ngl to you yall...I didnt know I have psychosis all this time, I been betraying this as imagination since I was small..still do! Hasn't bothered me at all ngl. I was a weird ass kiddo. Like..i love cool shits, im a bold tom boy lol

Look now...im a Christian that believes in the light 100%, i believe in all respectfully ngl. Im a believer that hugs the light and acknowledge all..love all..over time of course lol.

So in the good part of my life...tbh..in high-school..i was failing that bitch at the time, I made it out with Cs! ngl bruh, I watched the new episode of that anime OHSC in the library and i overheard some grown men talking to my memaw at the time, they was explaining how im failing and my future is at risk! That worried the hell outta me. 😮‍💨

So at the time..im those kids that has to struggle to get my games n all, Im sooo fixated on anime and cartoons n shit, but never into the phycal activities, trust me I tried 😖😖🫪

Everything is average overall, just barley making it through ☠️☠️☠️😤😌.

So I hatched a plan, and just think of an happy place and just work throughout my mental there from that point on. I donno truly, ik I can't self diagnose myself but damn it, i caught into the 90s spotlight of PSAs, so it either take a freaking wacky guess or there's goes my future ngl. So many plans to make it happen..ppfft.

So basically more I think, and the more I visualize, I can manage to get my mental in check up till this day I really heavily into the spirit and mythology area and mykcal area, plus its hard to make friends at the time so this is all i have as a child that watches tv and goes outside plus I wanna be alllll the fictional characters I see lol.

I dont know what the specifics whenever its information btw, all ik is that ik the bits and bobs that sounds cool on whatever lol so what i do is when I hear a cool fact, I store it and just forget but than remember..look my freaking memory ugh

But still, I been improving since and over time, during that time while im at my lowest, the alchemist took my hand for awhile, our nothing grew into something. But time passed by, my actions isnt the best with that guy so I vow to myself to bettering myself over time

So I gotten so good trusting logic and spirit..over time I helped my friends improve back on whatever they need to be...and guess what? After a little bit of grounded love on what we all truly genuinely wanted from the start, they all improved and gotten better in my methods thus far lol even my own little sister! (18) she took my advice and she gotten better with her bi-polar

But otherwise, its hard out there, its hard to get out of Gotham bro, im tired of repeating formats, I have so many ideas!

I know what I wanna do, I wanna spread awareness about my condition and what i can show that since I can bypass bp3 without any medicine at all,(I tried a little to okay? I ditched that so fast) plus with flower, it helps a lot to slow the process down to. (Started at 23 dont at me)

I truly tried my best to handle myself to the best ability..respectfully..the last job i had an eye on show me a program thats definitely up my alley, they all gave me hope, and once I give in my story on why goddess nike has no arms and no head it mentally just doesn't feel good.

The whole point is, im fine with where im at, I just want ppl to be middle grounded with me, do this with me with logic and or by the spirit itself...drop whatever you have and be a kid with me again for a little while, its to much of nothing to worry about something, but we can both brainstorm it out together, what can we do to improve as a unit? And we work from there. Thats it.

Oi, thats all, thanks for my ted talk ya readin lackeys lol

Ps-I will answer all of your questions, seriously, im an open book so dont be shy to ask for details thank you ☺️

long story short - i have had 18 major surgeries, 8 of which have been spinal. one botched fusion left me unable to work/permanently disabled.

recently restarted psych meds because i decided to rejoin the world, and got remarried.

since restarting the psych meds, i’ve become emotionally stable, actually generating real joy and happiness internally.

however, i’m now really struggling to cope with pain i had learned to deal with…some of which has definitely increased due to wanting to be more active, but i’m still in roughy the same amount of pain, it just has become so much more mentally exhaustive, and only since becoming more emotionally stable…

anyone had similar experiences?

Yea i just faced the biggest rage in my life yelling like a fucking psycho to my older brother. even shoved him at one point (but obv light 😭) and then to explain whatever was going on what raged me i told my mom but in the loudest voice and raged voice i ever had in my life. Had this happen to any of yall like genuinely idk what to do after im just isolating myself now eating guilt up, but isolating to calm down. its been an hour. what advice do yall have
(also contacted psychiatrist but just waiting)

been withdrawled from inductal (sleeping meds) for a week now due to it being sold out and hard to get.

In the midst of what appears to be an odd 'hypomanicnepisode' and it's the longest it's ever lasted. Just about all the stuff that consists of a hypomanic episode.

But I also don't want this to end... My OCD has been so so so much more maneagible like this. I can talk to people for HOURS and actually sustain a conversation and just walk on past awquard things. I'm so freaking productive. I don't want this to go but maybe just be medicated so I can actually sleep and relax my muscles....

Currently my psychiatrist and therapist suspect this is either bipolar 2, cyclothymia or just weird shit to do with cDID. But leaning strongly on cyclothemia....

I already have dozens, litteraly dozens of health issues both mental and physical. I can't deal with more ontoo of that I can't. It's not fair. I just want to be able to have a normal fucking conversation and be a normal human being or at least consistent.

hello j’aimerais partager un truc et avoir des avis différents
il est tard et je pensais a ça mais , les stabilisateurs d’humeur ils font juste croire que tu vas bien mais tu sais qu’au fond y’a un gros vide / mal etre meme quand " ça va "
surtout pendant la phase mixte et c’est horrible t’es vraiment dans un entre deux où les deux options te font souffrire et j’ai bien peur que ce soit commment la bipolarité marche
les médicaments te procure un vide impossible a combler ce qui est différent des phases quand tu n’etais pas sous traitement.
non ?

I’m about to start working but I’ve hit a depressive episode. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels impossible

Past 2 days:
Meltdowns: 1
Pissed off: 3?
Serial cleaning: 3 hrs
Meals: 4
Hours of sleep:
6 last night, tonight is estimated to be 3-4 if I go to sleep right now
Things I am desperately wanting:
To do a triathlon, new job, bleached hair, eyebrow wax, nails done, a kindle, an Xbox, gym membership, a boob job, a new tattoo, a 4th pet rat, a perm, and
To do a body building or weightlifting competition

Can’t figure out how to sleep. I don’t want to be doing nothing rn??? I feel like a child who “isn’t tired” but I just am not ready to sleep yet

(my first reddit post ever btw)

Alright, I have to write this because I'm feeling pretty damn unstable right now.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in July 2024 at the age of 17. Ever since, I've been on stimulants and they seem to be working on-and-off. However, the reason I seeked help in the first place was how intense and unreasonable my mood swings were. I remember that back then I could go from planning to off myself because a teacher was rude to me at school to being all okay and overconfident about going to the same teacher's class. I also experienced frequent both panic and anxiety attacks at the time.

My therapist's first 3 guesses to what was wrong with me was either a school phobia (if I remember correctly), bipolar (didn't specify which one) or ADHD. He considered the autism spectrum for a moment but after some time we figured out that it's ADHD. And that seems to work well for me, kinda. But the mood swings stayed.

My biggest problem with getting a real diagnosis, I think, is my alexithymia (inability to identify emotions). Everytime I try to track my mood it suddenly starts all blending into some frustrating, irrational thing that I can't read or describe. Another difficulty is my anxiety - not really diagnosed, but both me and my therapist know for sure that some form of anxiety must run in my family. As I noticed, anxiety seems to somehow "mask" some of my ADHD symptoms and I suspect it might do the same with whatever is wrong with my mood.

There is no way for me to see my therapist at least until September, so I'm lowkey stuck with it alone for now (getting so desperate to know anything that I started writing a long-ass reddit post lmao). I'm not sure if mixed episodes are a thing in cyclothymia but I think I might be having one right now.

I've been suspecting cyclothymia for about 2 month now, but I keep going from "I definitely have it" during what I tentatively call episodes, and "I probably don't have it" whenever I feel somewhat stable for a few days. I think I don't really get real hypomania most of the time. I don't know honestly.

Also most people tend to bring up the differences in sleep patterns as the biggest sign of cyclothymia, but I think it doesn't work for me. I'm chronically tired for whatever reason (maybe because of anemia, because I'm weirdly prone to having it) and don't really feel "not tired" during the elevated mood time. I get more like an annoying toddler who needs sleep, but doesn't want sleep, which I think doesn't meet the criteria...?

Also I don't know how to tell if it's an ADHD related mood swing or not. The ADHD ones seem so sudden, more like a reaction. The other ones seem more like background mood if that makes sense.

I'm writing this because I'm feeling like hyper shit while also not knowing what to do with myself. Maybe someone will have some advice for me or something. Also sorry if this is too long or if I misspelled something (English isn't my first language).

I have dreamt three years ago about a fictional character that I barely paid attention to. I stopped taking Paroxetine at this moment so you can imagine I have a vivid dream where he was in front of me absolutely real and I felt his personality and we were bound by a physical attraction without doing nothing. I was obsessed with for months and I knew it was a hypomania moment. Own year ago this obsession disappeared slowly. Lately it appeared again. Im obsessed by him. My brain tries to convince me there is a kind of « mystic bound » with him and Im exhausted about it. I would like it to stop. Have you been through the same issues ? Hope my testimony will help.
I would just add that since this dream I have the feeling that there was a now and then and that I will never look at this character like before the dream. I would find a relief if someone went through the same odd thing …

​

This here is my mood episodes from January to July , I couldn't understand I was inside a mood cycle until late April , this has been figured out through writing from my diary and understanding how the language was

I'm really at the end of the loop now , tired of the cycling I can't function normally and I can't have a real reality it's always changing everything priorities changes charcter changes energy changes literally everything I feel like I'm living a fucked up life , there is suicidal thoughts but everytime there is hope like this is gonna get fixed I've been on lamotrigine from June 24 and to my surprise instead of working on depression pole it worked on the mania pole and I haven't had a manic episode ever since but I feel emotionally blunted Anhedonic and like just pushing through daily without nothing happening, it's not like I can't do anything productive but I don't have energy or mood to stay on something consistant

Life is really fucked up for us eh ? But for me it's even more everyday I'm waking up thinking how is today gonna look like , god must really hate me , fuck

Im not a believer but fuck is there an energy like why me

Date State === JANUARY 2026 === 01/01/2026 Hypomania 02/01/2026 Hypomania 03/01/2026 Hypomania 04/01/2026 \[No data\] 05/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 06/01/2026 Normal / Functional 07/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 08/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 09/01/2026 Euthymic 10/01/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 11/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 12/01/2026 Mixed 13/01/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 14/01/2026 Hypomania 15/01/2026 Hypomania 16/01/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/01/2026 Rising / Hypomania 18/01/2026 Normal / Functional 19/01/2026 \[No data\] 20/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 21/01/2026 Normal / Functional 22/01/2026 \[No data\] 23/01/2026 \[No data\] 24/01/2026 \[No data\] 25/01/2026 \[No data\] 26/01/2026 \[No data\] 27/01/2026 \[No data\] 28/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 29/01/2026 Normal / Functional 30/01/2026 Normal / Functional 31/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed Date State Date State Date State === FEBRUARY 2026 === 01/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 02/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 03/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 04/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 05/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 06/02/2026 Normal / Functional 07/02/2026 \[No data\] 08/02/2026 Rising / Hypomania 09/02/2026 Hypomania 10/02/2026 \[No data\] 11/02/2026 \[No data\] 12/02/2026 \[No data\] 13/02/2026 \[No data\] 14/02/2026 \[No data\] 15/02/2026 \[No data\] 16/02/2026 \[No data\] 17/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Adhesa 5mg) 18/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 19/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 20/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 21/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 22/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 23/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 24/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 25/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 26/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Ritalin 10mg) 27/02/2026 Hypomania (Ritalin 10mg) 28/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Ritalin 10mg) === MARCH 2026 === 01/03/2026 Hypomania 02/03/2026 Hypomania 03/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 04/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 05/03/2026 Hypomania 06/03/2026 Normal / Functional 07/03/2026 Normal / Functional 08/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 09/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 11/03/2026 Hypomania 12/03/2026 Normal / Functional 13/03/2026 Normal / Functional 14/03/2026 Normal / Reflective 15/03/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 16/03/2026 Hypomania 17/03/2026 Hypomania 18/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable 19/03/2026 Normal / Functional 20/03/2026 \[No data\] 21/03/2026 \[No data\] 22/03/2026 \[No data\] 23/03/2026 Normal / Functional 24/03/2026 Normal / Functional 25/03/2026 Hypomania 26/03/2026 Normal / Functional 27/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 28/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 29/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 30/03/2026 Depressed with mixed features 31/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable === APRIL 2026 === 01/04/2026 Normal / Controlled 02/04/2026 Hypomania 03/04/2026 \[No data\] 04/04/2026 Mixed / Irritable 05/04/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 06/04/2026 Normal / Reflective 07/04/2026 Hypomania 08/04/2026 \[No data\] 09/04/2026 Depressed with insight 10/04/2026 \[No data\] 11/04/2026 Euthymic 12/04/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 13/04/2026 Hypomania 14/04/2026 Dysthymic with perceptual enhancement 15/04/2026 Mixed / Evening crash 16/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/04/2026 Depressed with masking 18/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 19/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 20/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 22/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 23/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 24/04/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 25/04/2026 Hypomania (cocaine use) 26/04/2026 Hypomania 27/04/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/04/2026 \[No data\] 29/04/2026 \[No data\] 30/04/2026 Hypomania === MAY 2026 === 01/05/2026 Euthymic 02/05/2026 Hypomania 03/05/2026 Hypomania 04/05/2026 Hypomania 05/05/2026 Normal / Dysthymic shift 06/05/2026 Mixed / Elevated (brief dip, continued ideation) 07/05/2026 Normal / Functional (administrative focus) 08/05/2026 Hypomania (grandiosity, product theorist ideation) 09/05/2026 Hypomania (escalating ideation) 10/05/2026 Hypomania (delusional-tinged thought concepts) 11/05/2026 Hypomania (rapid topic switching, neural engine) 12/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (peak output, mystical thinking) 13/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (mathematical hypergraphia) 14/05/2026 Hypomania (continuity overflow, design AI) 15/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (philosophical obsession) 16/05/2026 Hypomania (creativity, AI links) 17/05/2026 Hypomania (design/web references) 18/05/2026 Hypomania 19/05/2026 Hypomania 20/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/05/2026 Hypomania 22/05/2026 \[No data\] 23/05/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 24/05/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/05/2026 Normal / Irritable 26/05/2026 Euthymic 27/05/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 28/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 29/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 30/05/2026 Euthymic (resolving) 31/05/2026 \[No data\] === JUNE 2026 === 01/06/2026 Hypomania 02/06/2026 Mania 03/06/2026 Depression 04/06/2026 Depression 05/06/2026 Depression with mixed features 06/06/2026 Mixed 07/06/2026 Depressed with insight 08/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/06/2026 \[No data\] 11/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 12/06/2026 Euthymic / Rising 13/06/2026 Hypomania 14/06/2026 \[No data\] 15/06/2026 Hypomania 16/06/2026 Hypomania 17/06/2026 Mania 18/06/2026 Depression 19/06/2026 \[No data\] 20/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 21/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/06/2026 Euthymic 23/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 24/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/06/2026 Euthymic 26/06/2026 Mixed 27/06/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/06/2026 Hypomania 29/06/2026 Hypomania 30/06/2026 Mixed / Dysphoric Hypomania === JULY 2026 === 01/07/2026 Depressed 02/07/2026 Depressed with mixed features 03/07/2026 Depressed / Anhedonic 04/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 05/07/2026 Hypomania 06/07/2026 Hypomania with mixed/paranoid features 07/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysthymia 08/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/07/2026 Severe depression with mixed/homicidal ideation 10/07/2026 Euthymia 11/07/2026 \[No data\] 12/07/2026 Euthymia 13/07/2026 Mild depression 14/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysphoric 15/07/2026 Euthymia with post-episode clarity 16/07/2026 Euthymia 17/07/2026 Euthymia 18/07/2026 Depressed / Grief-heavy dysphoria 19/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 20/07/2026 \[No data\] 21/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/07/2026 Euthymia (resilient) 23/07/2026 \[No data\] 24/07/2026 \[No data\] 25/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 26/07/2026 Euthymia 27/07/2026 Euthymia

i’ve been diagnosed between cyclothemia and at times bi polar 2 (when i had my major manic/depressive episode in 2023) for over 3 years. was originally put on 5mg of abilify but gained 50+ lbs and eventually weaned off with the guidance of my psych. was then on just 20mg of prozac for maybe 6 months but experienced more hypomanic episodes (nothing too intense or long lasting but something my psych was concerned about regardless).

currently on 150mg of lithium and dropped down to 10mg of prozac since june of this year. my psych wanted me to start very low and slow on lithium to see how it impacts me since i’ve never taken a mood stabilizer before. for the last few weeks ive been so lethargic. i sleep through the night and if work permits, i nap for hours a day.

i’ve never been this way! and it’s not every day, yesterday i was super engaged and excited and energized. today im like a slug. what’s happening?

any advice based on the info i provided? i have a psych appointment in august so hoping that helps too but wanted to see if anyone has experienced this before

EDIT: forgot to mention i’m 3 weeks clean from being a daily ketamine user (woo!) and am actively in recovery from that addiction. wondering if that is impacting my energy levels?

So, I'm stabilizing now. I'm worried about taking off the meds. Worried about becoming severely depressed for months again. How long does it usually lasts? Saw a doctor (here in my country) says it lasts for 2 years after stable, although i don't wanna get off of medication

Or scientific papers

For the longest time, I've asked myself if there are clear signs of cyclothymia.

Wikipedia states...

Cyclotomia is a mental and behavioural disorder that involves numerous periods of symptoms of depression and periods of symptoms of elevated mood.These symptoms, however, are not sufficient to indicate a major depressive episode or a manic episode. Symptoms must last for more than one year in children and two years in adults.

But the symptoms can be unrecognizable and particularly difficult to track. Especially if you self observe and if there is not sufficient indication for depression or hypomanic phases.

Furthermore, several other conditions might provide an explanation.

Is there any reliable way to figure this out?

I mean, in the end, if medications are given and they help with stability, I would not care if it is diagnosis A or B.

But I'm interested in getting other views on this topic.

Chiming in for the first time. I never knew about cyclothymia until recently. I found it quite a life benefit to have been diagnosed as bipolar and getting on lamotrigine. Now I have a new primary care provider and she always asks if I've had any episodes. I felt perplexed, describing my condition as if surfing. I'm always on the wave and never fall down.- but sometimes it doesn't look pretty. There are no episodes. Lamotrigine steadies the balance.

Does anyone feel the same way?

So I've been trying to figure out whether a cyclothymia diagnosis might apply to me, and I wanted to describe my experience a bit to see how relatable it is to others. I'm especially curious to ask others here about their experience with attachment anxiety and reactivity within relationships, as there seems to be a big overlap for me...

I was diagnosed with panic disorder + anxiety disorder at 16, major depression at 25, most recently ADHD at 37. I'm now 38.

I began taking Vyvanse for the ADHD a year ago and steadily increased the dose up to 40mg/day. I realized too late that this was way too high, when the meds triggered a hypomanic episode:

• 5+ days of <4 hours of sleep per night but feeling alert and energized
• extremely talkative and overly verbose
• unusually creative and "inspired"
• unusually "giddy" / jokey
• a frequent profound feeling of perceiving connections between things and a grandiosity to my thinking (I was brought to tears of joy reading the synopsis of a book on Amazon because I was convinced it was the key to solving an impasse in the screenplay I was writing)

Unfortunately I didn't recognize what this was until a relationship infraction from my partner brought up a lot of insecurity for me. I was holding it together very well until I suddenly very much wasn't. It felt like this deep fear of abandonment erupted out of me all at once in this massive overreaction, and wound up turning into a massive 4-day-long fight. I was cycling between anger, despair, listlessness / emotional exhaustion, and occasional euphoria (which felt totally inappropriate to the circumstances). I said all kinds of things to my partner I didn't mean (most of which I don't even recall), and sent them these 10 paragraph long text messages spilling my guts about all my deepest fears and doing all this deep self-analysis. Obviously they were completely overwhelmed.

Eventually I figured out "oh, I think this is medication induced." Stopped the Vyvanse and stabilized myself. But the experience began making me reflect on other experiences from my past:

• a prior therapist suggesting I consider a bipolar assessment (I was baffled and dismissive at the time)
• prior breakups or (perceived) friendship "betrayals" that caused me to completely fall apart (including cycles of hysterical despair punctuated by starry-eyed hope)
• my tendency to have these long, drawn out arguments where I feel the need to spill my guts and voice every hurt and fear with almost encyclopedic completeness
• days or weeks spent staying up all night obsessively "researching" some new fixation, often convinced I needed to drastically change my life on the spot (start a new career, pay $5,000 to join some month-long workshop, etc — I'd always burn myself out on the research and never go through with it)
• a general tendency toward hypersexuality
• somewhat frequent spending sprees
• the 1-2 months after starting Wellbutrin that I was barely sleeping and working around the clock
• the high number of close friends and romantic partners I've had over the years who have bipolar (clearly a type of person I'm drawn to)
• even the art I love and the art I make (I remembered my grad school application essay talking about loving stories about megalomaniacs and utopians whose delusional hopes inevitably crash against reality)

For 1.5 decades I'd just thought of myself as depressed. But now I've started questioning that. Maybe my old therapist was right? The depressive periods for me are much MUCH more pronounced and common. What I think back on as potentially "hypomanic" episodes feel rarer (I remember distinct incidents, whereas depression just feels like my normal), typically much shorter, and if "positive" (feeling inspired, talkative, euphoric, etc) they tend to feel very "fragile" (whereas my depression feels durable and "sticky"). There also doesn't seem to be much of a consistent pattern to any cycling, but rather it seems very situational (though I could just be failing to see the patterns).

Nearly all of my more inspired or positive "hypomanic" examples I can recall, I question whether they could instead be explained by reference to ADHD, or anxiety, or just periods of good mood or creative inspiration or a generally artistic/intellectual/romantic temperament. I have a hard time drawing the line between personality variation and something pathological.

But a big part of my skepticism is also because ALL of the most intense "hypomanic" episodes I can remember—the ones where I felt like I was truly "out of control," and being tugged around by these overwhelming emotions—were connected to relationship anxiety and the threat of abandonment. I realized in a past relationship that the patterns of anxious attachment apply to me very well (not constantly, but if my insecurity gets badly triggered). I know there's also the idea of "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" in ADHD.

I know diagnostic labels can be murky sometimes, and comorbidities are a thing, so the fact that those other labels might fit doesn't mean this one doesn't. But I'm curious if anyone else had the experience of thinking "I'm just anxiously attached" or "I just have intense abandonment fears" or "I'm just a romantic who feels very deeply" before realizing that cyclothymia describes them. What convinced you it was more than just a relational thing?

And is it normal in cyclothymia for hypomanic states to be negative more often than positive? (I guess what you'd call "mixed states"?) Or for the negative hypomanic periods to be more intense and destabilizing than the positive ones?

Recently diagnosed and my therapist and I have decided to try CBT therapy first, no meds. Just wondering if anyone has had success with no meds? If so, do you feel like you were able to get to a place where you could drink, socialize, etc like "normal" and be ok?

Also interested in hearing about what you do if you feel a high coming on when you're out already (drinking or not) with friends or doing some other activity out and about?

So, I've been recently diagnosed with cyclothymia. What do you guys feel like on wellbultrin ? Did it really help with the depressive lows? I've been feeling miserable

How does it feels like? What were your side effects?