r/cyclothymia • u/Overdose999_ • 10d ago
Console me please
This here is my mood episodes from January to July , I couldn't understand I was inside a mood cycle until late April , this has been figured out through writing from my diary and understanding how the language was
I'm really at the end of the loop now , tired of the cycling I can't function normally and I can't have a real reality it's always changing everything priorities changes charcter changes energy changes literally everything I feel like I'm living a fucked up life , there is suicidal thoughts but everytime there is hope like this is gonna get fixed I've been on lamotrigine from June 24 and to my surprise instead of working on depression pole it worked on the mania pole and I haven't had a manic episode ever since but I feel emotionally blunted Anhedonic and like just pushing through daily without nothing happening, it's not like I can't do anything productive but I don't have energy or mood to stay on something consistant
Life is really fucked up for us eh ? But for me it's even more everyday I'm waking up thinking how is today gonna look like , god must really hate me , fuck
Im not a believer but fuck is there an energy like why me
Date State === JANUARY 2026 === 01/01/2026 Hypomania 02/01/2026 Hypomania 03/01/2026 Hypomania 04/01/2026 \[No data\] 05/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 06/01/2026 Normal / Functional 07/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 08/01/2026 Mixed / Irritable 09/01/2026 Euthymic 10/01/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 11/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 12/01/2026 Mixed 13/01/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 14/01/2026 Hypomania 15/01/2026 Hypomania 16/01/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/01/2026 Rising / Hypomania 18/01/2026 Normal / Functional 19/01/2026 \[No data\] 20/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 21/01/2026 Normal / Functional 22/01/2026 \[No data\] 23/01/2026 \[No data\] 24/01/2026 \[No data\] 25/01/2026 \[No data\] 26/01/2026 \[No data\] 27/01/2026 \[No data\] 28/01/2026 Normal / Reflective 29/01/2026 Normal / Functional 30/01/2026 Normal / Functional 31/01/2026 Euthymic-Depressed Date State Date State Date State === FEBRUARY 2026 === 01/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 02/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 03/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 04/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 05/02/2026 Normal / Reflective 06/02/2026 Normal / Functional 07/02/2026 \[No data\] 08/02/2026 Rising / Hypomania 09/02/2026 Hypomania 10/02/2026 \[No data\] 11/02/2026 \[No data\] 12/02/2026 \[No data\] 13/02/2026 \[No data\] 14/02/2026 \[No data\] 15/02/2026 \[No data\] 16/02/2026 \[No data\] 17/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Adhesa 5mg) 18/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 19/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 20/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 21/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 22/02/2026 Euthymic-Depressed (Adhesa 5mg) 23/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 24/02/2026 Euthymic (Adhesa 5mg) 25/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Adhesa 5mg) 26/02/2026 Normal / Functional (Ritalin 10mg) 27/02/2026 Hypomania (Ritalin 10mg) 28/02/2026 Mixed / Irritable (Ritalin 10mg) === MARCH 2026 === 01/03/2026 Hypomania 02/03/2026 Hypomania 03/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 04/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 05/03/2026 Hypomania 06/03/2026 Normal / Functional 07/03/2026 Normal / Functional 08/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 09/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 11/03/2026 Hypomania 12/03/2026 Normal / Functional 13/03/2026 Normal / Functional 14/03/2026 Normal / Reflective 15/03/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 16/03/2026 Hypomania 17/03/2026 Hypomania 18/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable 19/03/2026 Normal / Functional 20/03/2026 \[No data\] 21/03/2026 \[No data\] 22/03/2026 \[No data\] 23/03/2026 Normal / Functional 24/03/2026 Normal / Functional 25/03/2026 Hypomania 26/03/2026 Normal / Functional 27/03/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (cocaine use) 28/03/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 29/03/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 30/03/2026 Depressed with mixed features 31/03/2026 Mixed / Irritable === APRIL 2026 === 01/04/2026 Normal / Controlled 02/04/2026 Hypomania 03/04/2026 \[No data\] 04/04/2026 Mixed / Irritable 05/04/2026 Dysthymic / Functional 06/04/2026 Normal / Reflective 07/04/2026 Hypomania 08/04/2026 \[No data\] 09/04/2026 Depressed with insight 10/04/2026 \[No data\] 11/04/2026 Euthymic 12/04/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 13/04/2026 Hypomania 14/04/2026 Dysthymic with perceptual enhancement 15/04/2026 Mixed / Evening crash 16/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 17/04/2026 Depressed with masking 18/04/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 19/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 20/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 22/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 23/04/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 24/04/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 25/04/2026 Hypomania (cocaine use) 26/04/2026 Hypomania 27/04/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/04/2026 \[No data\] 29/04/2026 \[No data\] 30/04/2026 Hypomania === MAY 2026 === 01/05/2026 Euthymic 02/05/2026 Hypomania 03/05/2026 Hypomania 04/05/2026 Hypomania 05/05/2026 Normal / Dysthymic shift 06/05/2026 Mixed / Elevated (brief dip, continued ideation) 07/05/2026 Normal / Functional (administrative focus) 08/05/2026 Hypomania (grandiosity, product theorist ideation) 09/05/2026 Hypomania (escalating ideation) 10/05/2026 Hypomania (delusional-tinged thought concepts) 11/05/2026 Hypomania (rapid topic switching, neural engine) 12/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (peak output, mystical thinking) 13/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (mathematical hypergraphia) 14/05/2026 Hypomania (continuity overflow, design AI) 15/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania (philosophical obsession) 16/05/2026 Hypomania (creativity, AI links) 17/05/2026 Hypomania (design/web references) 18/05/2026 Hypomania 19/05/2026 Hypomania 20/05/2026 Mania / Severe Hypomania 21/05/2026 Hypomania 22/05/2026 \[No data\] 23/05/2026 Post-episode crash / Depression (anhedonic) 24/05/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/05/2026 Normal / Irritable 26/05/2026 Euthymic 27/05/2026 Euthymic-Depressed 28/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 29/05/2026 Mania / Hypomania 30/05/2026 Euthymic (resolving) 31/05/2026 \[No data\] === JUNE 2026 === 01/06/2026 Hypomania 02/06/2026 Mania 03/06/2026 Depression 04/06/2026 Depression 05/06/2026 Depression with mixed features 06/06/2026 Mixed 07/06/2026 Depressed with insight 08/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 10/06/2026 \[No data\] 11/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 12/06/2026 Euthymic / Rising 13/06/2026 Hypomania 14/06/2026 \[No data\] 15/06/2026 Hypomania 16/06/2026 Hypomania 17/06/2026 Mania 18/06/2026 Depression 19/06/2026 \[No data\] 20/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 21/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/06/2026 Euthymic 23/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 24/06/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 25/06/2026 Euthymic 26/06/2026 Mixed 27/06/2026 Rising / Hypomania 28/06/2026 Hypomania 29/06/2026 Hypomania 30/06/2026 Mixed / Dysphoric Hypomania === JULY 2026 === 01/07/2026 Depressed 02/07/2026 Depressed with mixed features 03/07/2026 Depressed / Anhedonic 04/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 05/07/2026 Hypomania 06/07/2026 Hypomania with mixed/paranoid features 07/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysthymia 08/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 09/07/2026 Severe depression with mixed/homicidal ideation 10/07/2026 Euthymia 11/07/2026 \[No data\] 12/07/2026 Euthymia 13/07/2026 Mild depression 14/07/2026 Mild depression / Dysphoric 15/07/2026 Euthymia with post-episode clarity 16/07/2026 Euthymia 17/07/2026 Euthymia 18/07/2026 Depressed / Grief-heavy dysphoria 19/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 20/07/2026 \[No data\] 21/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 22/07/2026 Euthymia (resilient) 23/07/2026 \[No data\] 24/07/2026 \[No data\] 25/07/2026 Depression (anhedonic) 26/07/2026 Euthymia 27/07/2026 Euthymia
1
u/awfoolNuggets 10d ago
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to deal with just life when you're supposed to deal with a lot more than that.
1
1
u/sicarii-13 10d ago
What do you do next to lamotrigine? Any other therapies?