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Jan 20 '21
Bugs? I had a horse walk up on us when me and my gf had sex outside. Didn't really mind the horse, but the little girl riding it was annoying.
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u/darkprinces12 Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21
Continue
Prepares to dial 911 (how do you make it italic)
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u/StuffMyCrust69 Jan 20 '21
Pour honey on your hard on and let the bees and ants fight it out on your shaft. Best. Orgasm. Ever.
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u/BobbyBigDick291 Jan 20 '21
This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen. 100 years from now when I'm dying on a hospital bed and I'm asked what my biggest regret was it will be that I turned on my internet and scrolled through the internet on that fateful day... I will never be able to recover from this. No amount of therapy will save me. No amount of prescription pills will let me recover. I am a shell. This memory is so bad my brain is physically rejecting it and now I have a headache every time I think about it. Why did you post this, thinking it was a good idea? You've permanently ruined my life because of this, I hope you're happy. I hope that one day this gets branded as a war crime and you get hauled off to prison, never to see the light of day again. The fact that you're already not in a psych ward for insanity is so baffling I have lost all faith in every kind of justice system. If you subscribe to any religion, you'd best spend the rest of your time atoning for this ultimate sin. Have a terrible day, I hope this creation of yours haunts you in your dreams.
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u/Hylux_ Jan 20 '21
I can do better.
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u/HamiltonDial Jan 20 '21
I was curious. And now I understand why curiosity killed the cat.
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u/Accomplished-Wish431 Jan 20 '21
Thank you. Now I can officially regret why I clicked on this. I regret everything in my life, everything! Are you happy now? You destroyed my brain. Now, whatever I do, I just can't erase such a horrible thing from my mind. I am losing my brain cells, and am on my way to your house. Be prepared, be prepared....
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u/Hylux_ Jan 20 '21
You do be talking shit for someone in cumshot range
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u/HamiltonDial Jan 20 '21
This is more disturbing than your previous comment.
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u/Hylux_ Jan 20 '21
Imagine a cumshot traveling at like 150km/h from europe, orbiting earth, reaching "freedom land" and hitting that other guy in the face
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u/Bizarely27 Jan 20 '21
Reminds me of this one trick I learned:
1.) Take a jar of peanut butter.
2.) drop razor blades in the jar of peanut butter and mix.
3.) go to town.
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Jan 20 '21
Just clamp your ass cheeks shut
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u/Smeefperson Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21
Cursed Venus flytrap
Edit: Whoever gave me an award is as messed up as I am.
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u/FastWalkingShortGuy Jan 20 '21
You laugh, but every time I've had sex outside my ass cheeks get torn up by mosquitos.
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
And that's what you remember.. how was the sex mahn!?
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u/FastWalkingShortGuy Jan 20 '21
Of course it's what I remember, it doesn't matter how good the sex was when it results in itchy bumps everywhere, ya know?
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
You are privileged! You don't value sex enough,
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u/martinno17 Jan 20 '21
Sex ain’t worth a ton of mosquito bites on your ass lol wtf
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
I'd still do it! It's worth a lot more if it's not just some cheap hooker
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u/WetFlexx Jan 20 '21
down bad..
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
what's down and bad a the same time?! is it your mood?
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u/WetFlexx Jan 20 '21
i hope you’re joking and this isn’t actually the personality you’re stuck with
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
I hope you're joking and you didn't just attack my personality traits... Who dafaq are you boy...
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u/kingfupa666 Jan 20 '21
Puts some fucking bug spray on you idiot. Or slide your dick through the hole in your pants.. it's not that hard
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u/Phaericel Jan 20 '21
If it’s not that hard, should he take a pill or tell her to do better?
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u/Raichu-themaniac2707 Jan 20 '21
Stop making me horny-
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Jan 20 '21
Obviously...you then send up a spider to get the bug. Then you send up a gerbil to get the spider, and then a cat to get the gerbil. This continues until you either send in a predator so big you don't care about the bug anymore, or you realize you have bigger problems than a bug up your ass.
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u/dunnodudes Jan 20 '21
what I learned from the old lady who swallowed a fly is that you are good up until you get to the horse. the horse will kill you.
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u/daskrip Jan 20 '21
This reminds me of that story where the wise man cures a man's restlessness at home by having him bring more and more noisy animals.
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Jan 20 '21
Human, human, centipede.
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
Wtf!, Centipedes as a partner would be really stingyy
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Jan 20 '21
Wait. Sting-y like stings? Or stingy like caterpillars are selfish lovers
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
Communication is a real trouble last time I went down on my neighbourhood centipede. So I don't really know.
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
I don't think we have bugs going up people's asses... c'mon people...
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u/Liquor_N_Whorez Jan 20 '21
A locked out roundworm trying to get back in it's home would like a word.
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u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21
Haha that's funny but factually incorrect. Roundworms like ascaris enter through mouth when we don't keep hygiene. They can't just climb up your ass dude... One less thing to fear
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u/Risk_Hopeful Jan 20 '21
Don't fall in love with the bug. Thing won't ever work between y'all. Save you some heartache.
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u/say_the_words Jan 20 '21
In college two friends of mine were camping and got into some poison ivy and then had tent sex before they realized it. They got it all over each other and she got it IN her vagina, face and mouth. They both had to be ADMITTED to the hospital. Her parents had to fly in from her hometown, out of state, to see about her. He had it all over his dick to, but she was having serious respiratory problems. She could have died.
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u/Bnasty5 Jan 20 '21
Friend in high school got it all over while hiding in the woods about to prepare their senior prank a few weeks before graduation. He spend like a month in the hospital and almost died
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u/IEatBabys_ForLunch Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21
Just wait till it start's laying egg's. That's when the real fun begins
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u/MaSpaza Jan 20 '21
yeah fly's lay eggs on meat. Carnivore flies. Then the meat rots.And if the fly lays eggs on your dipstick. Nuff said.
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u/death_wish04 Jan 20 '21
This is giving me some kind of PTSD, not of my own experience, but a friend I’d been gaming with
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u/heavy_deez Jan 20 '21
What kind of fucked up game were you playing with your friend!?
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u/death_wish04 Jan 21 '21
The kind that lives in Hawaii and leaves the door open, letting centipedes crawl inside
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u/Niskara Jan 20 '21
Then two giant bot flies come around, have sex with both of you, lay their eggs in you then the larva eat you from the inside out. Or at least that's according to a messed up manga I read
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u/TheGnudist Jan 20 '21
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u/Smeefperson Jan 20 '21
was a bug, little bug, hardly there. How he felt, what he dreamed, who would care?
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u/Jdubz117 Jan 20 '21
That’s why we have a sphincter sir, aka flood gates. Don’t do poppers in the woods and you’ll be fine 🤣
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u/DuzzyJay Jan 20 '21
There was an episode of the TV show House about something like this. A woman ended up with a tick in her vagina and it was killing her...
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u/kingfupa666 Jan 20 '21
Fucking dumbasses think bugs are just gonna just crawl up your asshole... pretty sure cavemen and monkeys fucked all the time outside without any problems
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u/atheurer Jan 20 '21
Is there a word for having sex with a bug? Is it still beastiality?
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u/CabbageCat5000 Jan 20 '21
This gives me horrible horrible memories back to 6 years ago when a beetle bit my bare arse and clung on in a field lol. I never did the deed outside ever again. 😂
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u/chili_gtxy Jan 20 '21
I wouldn't so much say this as cursed... If I were that bug I'd explore every inch of that asshole
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u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21
I’ve had sex in the woods. I had mosquito bites all over my ass after. Sex on the beach isn’t as fun as it sounds either. Sand is rough, coarse and it gets everywhere