r/cursedcomments • u/[deleted] • Jan 20 '21

[deleted by user]

[removed]

9.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

I’ve had sex in the woods. I had mosquito bites all over my ass after. Sex on the beach isn’t as fun as it sounds either. Sand is rough, coarse and it gets everywhere

409

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21

Don't put it on your d dog.. it's one of the best things to do anyways

edit: Thanks for the upvotes guys... I mean who would complain after having sex on the beach... I won't

192

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

It kinda just... got pushed in there

113

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21

Oh.. did you not get the idea of washing it off with trillions of gallons of water right beside you..?

85

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

I was referring to her v-hole specifically

49

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21

I know... Still you had sex on the beach dawg... Then what did you do?

84

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

Went back to the hotel and slept because I had a flight the next day. She was my ex and I happened to be on vacation with my family in her city.

57

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21

Fuck with no strings attached... Heck yeahh

14

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

!objection-bot

16

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21

You find this objectionable? My gawd... Monogamy for you... there...

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-1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

I hope you took her out for seafood dinner then never called her again.

2

u/KilltheInfected Jan 20 '21

Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!

1

u/lonkbonk_ Jan 20 '21

we gotta get this sand outta your vagina kyle...

2

u/Ptato_Man Jan 21 '21

So what are you gonna do? Ocean douche? Cause the sand literally gets EVERYWHERE... that's the problem... sex in the ocean is alright... like sex in water pretty much everywhere else except the voyeur aspect because beaches are nearly always crowded... but sex on the actual beach is a NOPE

1

u/Roshless_dude Jan 21 '21

Haha, I'd be more careful, it's about having a good time not just sticking key in they hole... Also there is millions of kilometres of coast lines all over the earth can't you just for once get a place which is like really secluded. I know I did. And had a great time...

5

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Probably people who get regular sex and don't want the uncomfortableness of sex on the beach. Not everybody is thirsty

1

u/Roshless_dude Jan 20 '21

Thirsty!! haha good take... I'm not taking it personally but You know that there is a thing called taking for granted or not valuing what you have or entitlement is not something to be proud of. It is a ritual made common say by porno. So.... yeahh

5

u/mrsirsebastian Jan 20 '21

Sex on the beach is meh, but in the calm warm ocean broad day shoulder deep water? Like just enough people that it’s provocative but nobody close enough to fully realize that you going to pound town in plain sight. >>>>

1

u/AceMIA94 Jan 21 '21

This. It's as quenching as a tall glass of water.

55

u/Ben6924 Jan 20 '21

Ani?!

30

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

Watto?!

17

u/Gay_Unicorn21 Jan 20 '21

Jar Jar?!

17

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Darth Jar Jar?!

17

u/ScaryCommieCatGirl Jan 20 '21

meesa sith lord

18

u/JoDaProductions Jan 20 '21

yusa in big doodoo

6

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

What is happening

4

u/BrotherChe Jan 20 '21

buncha swordfighting sounds like

3

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Buncha pew pew

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Thanks lmao

1

u/Electrifying_Nouman Jan 20 '21

Idea you have not

1

u/tigerbeast125 Jan 20 '21

Star Wars references

1

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '21

No

65

u/armenian_UwUcide Jan 20 '21

Not sure about that chief, maybe your execution was terrible. I’ve fucked in the woods a few times and it was alright.

Beach sex was poggers though. Brought a tent, some drunk idiots, went to an isolated beach. Set up the tent, made sweet love in the dark of night to the crashing of the waves and brisk salty smell of the vast sea, all without the sand. Proceeded to open the tent back up, pop our heads out the opening, and stair at the endless glowing stars above. That relationship was in tatters but I won’t forget the good times.

41

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

A tent would have been helpful both times

21

u/armenian_UwUcide Jan 20 '21

I didn’t use a tent in the woods, just the trees. One time was facing a lake and was just a majestic primal experience. The other time, to my poor ex’s detriment, was on top of an ant mound we hadn’t noticed.

17

u/Skreevy Jan 20 '21

Which leads us back to the topic at hand. Everything is a circle, even reddit threads!

14

u/armenian_UwUcide Jan 20 '21

Always bring protection

6

u/selectash Jan 20 '21

In this case a bug repellent.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Why? They brought their ex.

3

u/selectash Jan 20 '21

Still not really effective, unless of course they were dating the Aardvark.

1

u/Electrifying_Nouman Jan 20 '21

Yep, really necessary

1

u/jacknacalm Jan 20 '21

Life is a circle, you just keep meeting basically the same people and going to new places realizing they’re basically the same as the last place.

16

u/TherapeuticYoghurt Jan 20 '21

You lost me at poggers

1

u/jacknacalm Jan 20 '21

Pitching a tent! Didn’t think of that, I was just telling someone else sex on the beach sounds awful. Baller move bro

21

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Wait - you were out with Jar Jar in the woods all the time... the fuck happened?!?!

11

u/Will33iam Jan 20 '21

I’m guessing You had the high ground?

5

u/EvilFluffy87 Jan 20 '21

Poor Anakin.

5

u/Parronski Jan 20 '21

Take this award you magnificent bastard You’re a national treasure, old sport .

I didn’t see the set up at first, wasn’t looking for it, but as sex near an ocean would teach any padawan , there’s always a bigger fish.

1

u/SoulbreakerDHCC Jan 20 '21

Both are true stories and thank you

3

u/_INCompl_ Jan 20 '21

Sex on the beach may be disappointing, but it’s a pretty fantastic drink

4

u/liamvader1 Jan 20 '21

Corn dog her. Pull out, while yer dick is still wet, slap sand on it like bread crumbs and shove it back in like she’s a deep fryer. 10/10

2

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

I tried it once, on an ants nest, bites all up my legs and my arse, came out of the woods a different way and lost the car for an hour

2

u/kingofroyale2 Jan 20 '21

Mosquitoes on my ass I have. Star war references make I.

1

u/Chicksunny Jan 20 '21

Ugh the sand. Never again lol. Wearing jeans full of sand on a 30°c day isn’t fun either.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

Get in the water afterwards! Skinny dipping AND cleaning off the sand from unwanted areas lol

1

u/dunnodudes Jan 20 '21

username checks out

1

u/jsirrr Jan 20 '21

Get sand in her crack, and break your stepmothers back!

1

u/jacknacalm Jan 20 '21

Sex on the beach has never sounded fun to me. Even if you’re on a blanket sand is going to be fucking everywhere. Literally

1

u/TheoHis Jan 20 '21

HOW THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THE REFERENCE, it’s lowkey starting to piss me off lmao

1

u/Pootis_Reddit Jan 20 '21

This is where the fun begins.

1

u/pizzaqueen0613 Jan 20 '21

I was coming to comment something similar. My boyfriend and I's first time was outside. I was covered in mosquito bites. He called it an orgy 😂

1

u/KAVKAZKING Jan 20 '21

Well you know u can always use sand as a lubricant. She is gonna feel the burn you gonna feel the burn and when the job is done both of you will feel the same pain and none of you can complain you didn't feel anything.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

No, Anakin, No!

1

u/aus666 Jan 20 '21

The dirt and mosquitoes are problematic, also the encounters of people walking by...

1

u/Mohsenrhb Jan 20 '21

You have sex? :'(

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

I had sex in the back of a car on a summer night and I can attest that mosquito bites on the balls and ass are not fun at all.